Letters / Curriculum Vitae for graduate admission (Information Technology) [4]

PERSONAL STRENGHTS:
- Possess good leadership skills and the ability to work independently.

EXTRACURRICULAR ACTIVITIES:

- Was a part of the organizing committee of "Elysium `08", a nationwide technical and cultural fest, organized by Holy Mary Institute of Technology and Science.

- Presented a paper on "Ethical Hacking" at "Adastra `08" a national symposium at Sreenidhi I nstitute of S cience and T echnology.

I could hardly find anything to edit. They'll be very lucky to have you as a student!

:)

Letters / a letter of recommendation to a congress man (into the us airforce) [8]

Congress Man ...

Dear Congressman ...

It gives me a great pleasure to be writing to you about this matter.

Joining the United States Air Force has been one of my greatest desires, and one of the most important things I will ever do. I will work hard and do my absolute best to accomplish this.

I added a few things and changed it a little for dramatic effect! Good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / 'a wealth of intuition and a cornucopia of stories' - Application Essay [3]

It was times like this, during these cold winter months, that could remind you of how fortunate you are for having the people you have. So there we sat, ready to feast on a magnificent meal. Grandma was still scurrying about, ever improving those warm delicacies and making sure everyone else was comfortable and happy. She'd then turn around and move onto some other task of importance, all the while keeping a smile on everyone's face. ---This belongs in the first paragraph, it's out of place here. Even when faced with something new and different, she'd take it with a smile and embrace it warmly.

Despite never receiving a higher education, ---No comma here.-- or striking it rich, she had a wealth of intuition and a cornucopia of stories under her belt.

It was amazing to know that even though she had accomplished little formally, she'd accomplished much informally, all the while stressing the importance of an education.

What a nice tribute to your grandmother! (I miss mine every day.) Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'a kid in a faraway land in South America' - UVA transfer [3]

As a kid in a faraway land in South America, I always dreamed of obtaining the best education and someday achieving an important political position.

When I arrived in the United States in 2003, I saw myself a step closer in to my dream of one day returning triumphant to the abused land that I call mine, "mi tierra."

My first years in the United States were full of hardship and many hours of solitude in a world as strange as Mars.

As the representative described the wonders of UVA and the incredible Darden School of Business, I envisioned myself...

Through the education obtained at UVA and the hard work that I can put into my dream, I can start building...

:)

Undergraduate / 'my college drawing class' - Statement of interest for MCAD [2]

As cliché as this may sound, art truly has the ability to bring to the surface underlying feelings some people don't even know they have.

In my case, when I view a great piece of art, it's as almost as if I can physically feel my heart growing with passion, ...

I can honestly say that when I create my art, it is one of the only times I can sit down and feel at total ease with myself.

I am perfectly aware that being an artist is by no means easy and that obtaining a career in the art field is very...

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'every night prior to contest' - a significant experience Common App Essay [2]

In my 10th and 11th grade years I had the opportunity to participate in my church's oratorical contest, based on Martin Luther King Jr.

While s igning up for the contest, I made it a goal that I was going to win the contest.

Although I had far less experience than my opponents, I acclaimed fifth place out of twenty competitors.

In my English and marketing class we had to do a lot of oral projects, w hich I was able to get A's on.

I also was featured on my city's radio station, t hrough hard work and by practicing my speech in the mirror almost every night prior to contest.

Within my s econd sentence I was able to electrify the crowd.

Awesome! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / 'impressive Engineering programs' - Biomedical engineering essay. Why drexel? [2]

But this became the basis of my way of living.

I was in awe when I first learned of homeostasis.

I've imagined ways of overcoming the second law of thermodynamics, but to break through the limits of the human body really fascinates me.

In the long run, I plan to be in the medical engineering field, where I can help discover ways to create artificial organs or even limbs.

Currently, I work in a program that supports children who have mental disorders.

It provides an understanding of the flaws the human mind can possibly have.

I chose Drexel University School of Biomedical Engineering, Science, and Health Systems as my first choice since no other University appeals to me more as I prepare myself to reach my goals.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / Studying people and their employers assistance - Ielts charts [2]

The two bar charts illustrate why people of different age groups study, and how their employers assist them in their education.

...every next group, which leads to the fact that only under 20% of people over 49 study for their careers.

The balance appears in the group of people from 40 - 49, with 40% studying for both career and interest.

In general, the amount of support employees get from their employers is not linked towhether they study for their careers or not.

:)

Scholarship / Goals and experience in public health, explanation of financial need essay [2]

... punctures, Electroencephalography tests, and to procure continuous and elaborate insights on the commission of the medical staff.

I am from the humble nation of Guinea-Bissau (Africa), and comprehending firsthand the dire need for health workers in my country, my aspiration is to specialize in neonatology, and to return to Africa in the endeavor...

----------------------------

...opposed to an international student, I was elicited to place my college attendance on hiatus until the U.S. government issues the card.

I live with my mother who is employed in two occupations and earns a combined total of $45,000 per year.

Your essays are great and I hope you get into school, you deserve to be there. I think they'll see that they'll be lucky to have you as a student. Good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / 'person conscious of of people's feelings' - family history, culture or environment [6]

My family history has influenced me by giving me knowledge and freedom to do with as i wish.---Always capitalize your 'I's.

I got to live these horrific events through the anecdotes my grandfather told me.

I find it imperative to stand up for yourself and to stand up for those who are too weak to stand up for themselves.

In my mind it seems like the only way to make what happened okay, is to do the opposite in the present time.

About a year ago, my family unexpectedly moved to P eru, where i got the opportunity to first-handedly live surrounded by discrimination, whether because of color, money, or social status.

Every day ---Two words here.--- i am faced with the decision to stand up for myself and others, or to choose not to speak out.

My family history has made me a person conscious of what people may be feeling, and has left me with a life prioritized by values.

:)

Graduate / 'a successful Editor in a publishing house' - my SOP [2]

From fairy tales to Enid Blyton, I had never missed an opportunity to read, and to imagine a world beyond my dreams.

I have always been an avid reader and would read all that was available to me in the school library and what my pocket money allowed me to purchase.

Soon I started reading classics like Jane Austen, Louisa May Alcott, Charles Dickens, and William Shakespeare among others.

Having his own firm, he wanted me to join C.A. and I did, not realising I was making one of the most important decisions of my life.

I'd let my life and decisions be ruled by my parent's dreams and not mine.

So then, I then decided to join the Part time Journalism and Mass Communication course, which opened up new arenas of knowledge and understanding for me.

I realise that dreams can be achieved only through sincere and dedicated efforts, and I won't leave any stone unturned in achieving mine.

"Those who dare to dream and have the courage to follow them, create history".---I don't think this 'quote' is right, as it should probably say, '...courage to follow those dreams...'

:)

Undergraduate / "I Am an Actor" - Georgetown Transfer Essay, First Prompt [3]

All pile into the blender that is the stage and are violently mixed.---This isn't a complete sentence.---

The ticking clock, the sweat, the giddy anxiety?

The questions about my character arise, of who he is internally and on the outside, and who he should become.---This part makes me think you write good poetry!

The process is humming along, y et something feels funny.

My grinning heart tells me to look again, and I do, pouring over any orifice or opening that I can find.

Each and every syllable of every emphasized word, what the character desires, and what is desired of him.

I like your dramatic ending! I was going to say something about incomplete sentences, but in some of these cases, they seem to work. Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Essays / How to write effective concluding paragraphs? [2]

It is different with family, since we do not get to choose our relatives.

ThenMost people would say that why not take advantage of this and choose to be constantly surrounded by 'wonderful people'?

-------------

On the whole, I would like to suggest that all Malaysians should live a green lifestyle, for example, using energy saving bulbs and low energy appliances at home.

Also , instead of using a car which requires a lot of petrol, it is better to use a hybrid car.

Besides that, give a reward to those who follow a green lifestyle, so that ---No comma here.--- they will be concernedabout the environment. saving habits.

-------------------
Does anyone have the ideas to write concluding paragraph for these questions????

1) Through its awkward transmission times, Educational TV (ETV) seems to be missing its target group.-----Just as they're leaving for school?

2) In an effort to promote domestic tourism, the government has implemented a five day work week for government offices. Do you think the government's objective has been achieved?---I have no idea how this could possibly help!

:)

Undergraduate / (becoming an inventor / Walking into Tahrir) - MIT Transfer Essays 1 and 3 [2]

The second essay is interesting, but it sure does not seem to answer the prompt. The most interesting thing you've done is walk into a town with a vision of the future? I mean it is very interesting, but you should make it more personal. You gave what sounded more like a history lesson than a personal experience. This should be easy to fix, for example, did you have ancestors from there? Could you feel them as you walked, imagining what they would think of the situation? :)

Scholarship / International Cultural Festival- Jimmy Rane Foundation Scholarship essay [2]

"However," I stated, " anyone's help would be greatly appreciated" .

I was terrified yet convinced, that she would disagree with our hasty participation in one of the year's most anticipated events, so I practiced what I would say to defend my case on my way to her classroom.

I could tell by Mrs.Devars' facial expression that she was not the least bit surprised.

The next ten days were probably some of the busiest days of my life.

Vanessa's busy schedule hadn't given her the time to create the posters herself, so she had assigned this imperative duty to SGA.

I reached an indescribably high peak of joy every time I got to see one of my peers facial expression's change from distrust and slight terror to happiness and amazement when they bit into a chicken strip or a cookie.

You're a great writer! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'being in new environments' - UNCW application [2]

Where I am from, a majority of the people I grew up around labeled psychology as a major s as "the easy major" and "a useless major".

I use to think that was true based on the fact that it has always been an easy class for me and until taking more classes in the subject, I never saw a real use for it, until these past few years.

When I started taking more classes in Psychology I began to catch myself referring back to things I learned in class in my everyday routine.

Throughout my life I have had to deal with multiple family members having drug and alcohol abuse addictions.

If I hadn't taken as many psychology classes as I had, I never would have been able to deal with those family members in a way that wasn't destructive to their addictions.---This doesn't sound right. Maybe 'destructive you your relationship'?

Not only that, but I want to prove to the people I grew up around that Psychology does have a purpose and can help people severely , it isn't "a useless major".

:)

Undergraduate / Radio and TV program at Ryerson essay [3]

The next day at school I proposed that next time we got together we worked on all 5 songs, allocating a certain amount of time to each of them, That way we would all get to work on both parts of our assignments...

...whenever an idea didn't fit the song we were working on , we would put it aside and use it at a later time on a song we thought it fitted better.

We became very excited to work on everyone else's songs because it felt as if every single one of them was...

The Nature of Narrative course will provide me with the knowledge needed to discern...

Good luck with school and have fun!

Undergraduate / "The Dream" - Transfer Application essay [6]

My family moved to the U.S from India about two year ago, and starting college at the *** proved to be the right decision for me.

After two years at ***, I believe UIUC is the next stop on my journey to achieving my dream.

No other university in Illinois offers such a strong focus in these areas as UIUC does .

In the long run, I dream of being an innovator-inventor like my hero Nikola Tesla, who improves the lives of people around the world.

To bring the future (to?) today is why I dream of attending UIUC.

This is pretty great! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / Speech Language Pathology Statement of Purpose for University of Virginia [3]

I still wanted to help people improve their quality of life, so I started observing the speech pathologists in the department, and researched the field more thoroughly.

Too often, many children and adults experience setbacks in their reading and writing skills, especially when they live in low socioeconomic households and communities.

Many children simply aren't exposed to books or complex dialogue as toddlers, and as a result, lag behind their peers in all areas of language development.

I have an interest in working with both children and adults, and as a student in the University of Virginia's speech...

Good luck with school!

:)

Writing Feedback / would you prefer to go on a long trip by car or by train? [7]

The best way to learn better English, (and the easiest, since you're very good at it already) is to read as much as you can, any subject that interests you. Good luck with school!

:)

Letters / 'I won a prize including a-two-week English course' format CV [5]

I was born in 1988 in Yozgat, and went to primary school in İstanbul.---Don't forget to leave a space between sentences! This is very important.

Upon graduating, I took the university entrance exam and registered Elt department in Atatürk University.

In 2009 I participated in an online essay competition called 'Letyourenglishgrow' promoted by British Council.

...and free accommodation in Brighton,UK. I attended the course and had the opportunity to practice my English a lot.

After graduating from university in 2010 I took KPSS and was appointed to Erzurum as an English teacher in 2010.

Last week I completed my military obligation and returned to my hometown.

From now on I will prepare for KPDS and ALES to become a lecturer in a university and get a master's degree, and by the way I got 90 in KPDS and 83 in ALES.

Good luck with all you do!

:)

Scholarship / An Engineering being born (science, technology, engineering, or mathematics) [4]

Ever since I was a kid, gazing at colossal skyscrapers or outrageously styled cubic buildings has greatly amazed me.

Participating in the Egg-O-Naut (bottled rocket) event in the Science Olympiad and learning about structural mechanics and stress, gradually built up my erupting curiosity and interests in engineering.

From something as simple as a wooden table, to something as complex as a skyscraper, everything has a purpose in transforming the innovative world.

From neutrino powered jets to water propelled vehicles, I can open new doors to new ideas and possibilities for change.

Good luck in school and have fun! They'll be lucky to have you as a student!

:)

Student Talk / How to enhance my English? [52]

I have heard this said many times and seen it written here in the forum...If you want to learn English better, read, read, read! Read anything you enjoy, and you'll get great at it. Your English seems pretty great already, you'll be fine. Hopefully you can soon get back into school! Good luck and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / AIF Waterloo Biomedical Sciences: Goals, Interests, and Reasons. [6]

Not just anyone can become a dentist; it is a unique job that only the individuals who put all their effort, time, and dreams into can achieve.

However, before I can become a dentist, I need to get into dental school.

To do this, I must achieve a Bachelor of Science degree and have the compulsory courses need to apply to dental school.

The University of Waterloo is my ideal choice, as it offers a highly flexible Biomedical Sciences program, with a large number of elective courses.

This will allow me to specifically choose the compulsory courses that dental schools require. As a result, the University of Waterloo will help me reach my goals with a higher level of study.

Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'a connection with my father' - BYU-Idaho Entrance Essay [3]

He abandoned my mother and me when I was merely seven.

My bond with Him has grown immensely, and my testimony rocketed as my faith and trust in H im grew. ---I'm pretty sure it should be a capital 'H' when writing about God. (Not sure though.)

To me, prayer is the most important blessing because it allows us to have our own special connection with God.

I now have a more optimistic view of life, and greet each trial with a delightful smirk because...

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'I felt free of expectations and condemnations' - Saint Mary's Supplement [4]

All I could feel in a sermon was a powerful guilt gnawing at my conscious ---Should this say 'conscience'?.

The only other person in my family who I could see felt likewise, was my brother.

I was disappointed in my family and my religion for rejecting him and most of all; I was disappointed when he never came home.---Oh, this is so sad! Hopefully he knows how you feel, and will soon be in touch.

Once my mother confronted him about his sexuality, he changed jobs, moved away , and cut off his phone lines.

Losing him was a tremendous influence on my beliefs and attitude toward religion.

Firstly , I learned that I am in control of my own beliefs.

As I go through life I intend to be respectful of others beliefs and cautious in the way I use my own.

The world needs more people like you! Hopefully you can find your brother, maybe on facebook or something...
Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / (training centers / laboratories) University of Michigan Supplements [5]

Last summer, I decided to do a 3 weeks training job at the same factory.

I learned SolidWorks, helped in designing some machine parts using that program, and watched while the CNC machine built it.

One time a colleague who knew my passion for engineering gave me a link of a video called "This is Michigan engineering".

While searching the internet, I discovered that UM teams have also won many different robotics competitions.

I was very excited because I am most productive working in such a competitive atmosphere.

...such as the one in Bicentennial Man (of course without all the accompanying emotions!).---ha ha! Thank you!

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'I believe that stem cells..' - University of Miami, Florida [2]

Obama's actions ended a long, miserable period in which the moral complaints of religious activists were no longer accepted by society.

For those 45% to change to 0%, the Congress must veto a separate bill that has forced the number to stay at 45% every year since the 1990s.

Firstly , I believe strongly in stem cell research, ever since the subject has been brought up by the medical world.

Personally, to see stem cell research being funded would be a pride to me because I have had many problems with my family who have not had stem cells experimented on them due to Bush's outrageous rulings in office.---This really does not make sense.

Mr. Genkil, my much-loved grandfather,had passed away due to a cause of lung cancer.

However if Bush had not been so ruling and "right" then my grandfather would be alive now with a healthy and brand new lung.---This is absolutely not true. Stem cell research has not come anywhere near this far. You should not state things like this as fact.

I believe stem cell research is the way to go in medical science from this point on.

In conclusion, these are the reason s I believe stem cell research should be funded as much as possible and how it can help humans in the future.

Good luck with school!

:)

Writing Feedback / Weight of people is increasing-- causations and resolutions [4]

Nowadays, more and more people are afflicted by obesity across the country and this situation has been escalating since the new millennium.

There is a rational explanation to this phenomenon, which is the overwhelming pressure on urban dwellers and the unprecedented fast pace of life.

With extended working hours and amplified working loads, urban dwellers have found that it is a luxury to cook a decent meal at home.

Meanwhile, due to the deteriorated economy, it is not affordable for most of families to dine in fancy restaurants.

It is urgent for the governments and NGOs to come up with solutions to alleviate the public obesity issues.

Secondly, the government should, on one hand, levy a high tax rate on junk food and, on the other hand, to use the proceedings to fund campaigns promoting healthy lifestyles .

:)

Undergraduate / 'Riding a New York City train' - Tufts University Transfer, Short Answer [2]

...perplexed facial expression throughout the entire train ride, and if the passenger listens quite attentively the passengerhe will hear me listening to Chopin's Prelude in E-minor.

If the passenger is very attentive, he will realize that I am a romantic.

Basically speaking, everything has significance to me.

As mentioned earlier, I listen to mostly classical music because I idealize it for the fact that it continues to be powerful art well into the twenty first century, thus demonstrating its longevity, also a romantic ideal.

Despite being a romantic, many people will not understand the reasons for my viewpoints but it is my hope that people will be more understanding as we progress into the future.

:)

Graduate / 'municipal government' - Admission to program essay [3]

I strive for excellence, and am driven to succeed in my career.

My enthusiasm and activeness to be the best at what I do is ultimately what drives me to continue my education.

Your essay is pretty much perfect. Good luck with school.

:)

Writing Feedback / E.E. Cummings "How have these aspects of life influenced the poet and his work?" [3]

Throughout his life, Cummings would often travel to many countries, which included France and even Soviet Russia.

Cummings was born into a Christian f amily that practiced a "one-person" understanding of God (Unitarian), and as a result, would have transcendental leanings his entire life.

Cummings had stayed in Paris initially when he enlisted to serve,---In what capacity?- -- a decision that would ultimately have a positive effect on him for the rest of his life.

During the later part of his life, Cummings would spend most of his time traveling for leisure, giving lectures at his alma mater, and spending time in his summer home.

You did a great job on this, and made E. E. Cummings seem more interesting than what I've read of his poetry! Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'unsure of my future route' - Why you want to transfer & what you hope to achieve [4]

I have lived and commuted in the city my entire life so far, and I want to be able to experience a more rural / surburan environment.

All of this contributes to my reason for wanting to transferring .

I feel this limits the students chance to become interactive around campus.

In X school, I read that there is always something to do, whether it's an event or an concert. ---Always capitalize your 'I's

:)

Letters / Review and ending help on personal statement for dietetic internship application [2]

I could describe myself in many different ways, but the most important to me are wife, mother, and student of dietetics.

I have always worked hard to achieve my goals and pride myself on doing the best job possible.

Food service is 2 words.

I found that I enjoyed the clinical aspect and worked well in that environment, and spent a lot of time speaking with each patient providing educational materials when necessary.

I also learned proper storage techniques, proper equipment usage, cleaning procedures and to run the cash register. program.

I was also responsible for working with the food-service supervisor to conduct a financial analysis of the entire cafeteria menu.

Knowing how to manage and schedule time effectively helps me ensure that all my assignments are finished in plenty...

Problem solving skills I have learned come into play on a daily basis, and sometimes it means thinking outside of the box, sometimes it means just taking a break.

Good luck with school and have fun! Oh, also, you could say you have experience because of the 5 years you've spent studying and teaching your daughter healthy eating habits!

:)

Undergraduate / 'personal attention from my professors' - Lynn University Admissions [6]

I attended a High School where oftentimes I didn't receive the one on one help I needed. ---Always capitalize your 'I's and always put periods and other punctuation marks right up against the last letter of the word.

This would often lead to me not comprehending what was going on in class.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'Medical, nursing, and health care system in Iran' - THIS JOURNAL [4]

It is clear that the health care system is one of the most important organizations in each country.

These two things interplay with each other.

As a result, most of the governments try to increase qualities and quantities of health system in their countries.

The most significant item in medical care is the health insurance system.

Indeed, it helps people to be able to afford their care.

Besides, great deals ofmany people in my country are under coverage of insurance companies but the quantity of insurance is based upon the amount of money which people pay to the insurance company each month.

The second one is the qualities of health care that is offered to people.

:)

Writing Feedback / Classmate in schools can lead children to reach to progression and triumph [5]

Truth be told, the success of students and children in schools has granted a lot of interest in our lives.

I agree with the following statement, and the major points that I will address in this essay for stating my approval are: group work and challenging.

First of all, students should learn how to do group-work in school and merge with each other to help them to work on exams and their projects.

For example, when I want to work on an article or paper, I ask my classmates to help me and I get more ideas from them to finish my paper. So, if you need to have success during your schools , you should learn how to match with other classmates and doing jobs as a group.

I have no illusion that my claims will be palatable to all. Indeed the most difficult part will be to influence of classmates on children to have more success than parents.

:)

Undergraduate / (liberal arts / television broadcasting / fantasy world) - Brown [3]

...the accept button; and with one swift stroke, I had enrolled on an academic track that I knew little of.

...Toronto during orientation; and strode into seminars in lecture halls, notebook and pen in hand, confident and eager to learn.

But as the trees wept their leaves with the autumn wind, the romance began to fade and my enthusiasm became bittersweet.---Hey, this is great writing!

I seek for an engaging collegial atmosphere, away from the rat race of careerism...

Hovering the mouse cursor over the submit button, I click, confident in my decision as I enter a new chapter of my life.

------------------------------------------------------

Thayer Street is awesome!! You are an excellent writer, interesting and descriptive. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'unbalancing the world politics' - Marquette Honors program essay [2]

In the future, technology will change in a plethora of ways, and some of the most significant changes will no doubt...

Space based solar power has none of these drawbacks and the technology necessary to make it a reality either already exists, or has been proven feasible.

One of the most significant effects of space based solar power would in the short term would be the technological ---This sentence needs to be revised for clarity.---and economic boom that it could set off.

In order to employ space based solar collectors on a large scale, it would be necessary...

Perhaps most importantly it would prevent any further damage being done to the environment by fossil fuels, and it is a solution that will last forever.

Countries such as Iran would no longer be able to threaten to send the world into chaos by closing the Straits of Hormuz.---This is a really good point!

You were right, this was very interesting! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / 'I want to give back to the society' -professional goals after the completion of MBA? [2]

I started my career as an engineer in Electronics and Instrumentation.

I love doing things where I can involve a lot number of people and help them as well as me to realize the hidden potential and to come up as an individual identity in front of society.

During my graduation I got the responsibility for the big state level events held, became Event organizer, ...

To shape a great idea into reality, it requires a diverse range of skills and intimate knowledge of Marketing strategies .

The convergence of ideas and attitudes of different people from diverse educational and cultural backgrounds at the MBA Institute ...

:)