Writing Feedback / IELTS: Difference between social behavior of children and adults. [5]

Please, please, help me to recognize my mistakes I am taking an IELTS test on 12th May.

Topic: As children become adults, their social behavior changes in some ways.
What are the main difference between young children's social behavior and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good?

There are many elements that influence the social behavior of people during their lives. This is what sociologists call "socialization process". Therefore, it is clear that behavior of children can be different from adults stemming from the factors such as peer groups, schooling, and the like. This fact provides the questions that "in what ways social behavior of adults and children is different?" and "how the changes in children's lives can steer them toward a good situation?".

As time passes, each person experiences new things that changes his/her social manner. The difference between children and adults social behavior can be classified to two main categories. Firs of all, children are more sincere in their relationships. As a result, making friend is easy for them, while the revers is true for adults. In fact, the diversification of adults' behavior is more than than of children. For this reason, it is hard for adults to find a person that his/her behavior be close to themselves. Secondly, financial issue is another important factor that must be considered in this concern. This issue can significantly impact the social behavior of adults, whereas, it plays less important role in children's lives. In other words, economical circumstances of adults confer a social standing on them which directly affect their social behavior. By contrary, what plays a vital role in social life of children is emotional bonds between them and their friends and families. Consequently, the significant differences between children and adults social behavior can be attributed to psychological and economical reasons.

Nevertheless, some changes in social manner of children can be useful. For example, it is not appropriate to trust all people, what is prevalent among children. In fact, children learn which person is viewed as a good person as they interact with various people through time. Moreover, increase in children's experience while they are growing up prepare them for diverse conditions in their future lives, ranging from harsh situations to their future civic roles. Thus, changes in behavior of children during the flow of life can positively impact their lives in the future.

To sum up, as people grow up many social agents affect their social behavior. It is believed that some of these changes are suitable. From my perspective, however, adults should maintain some of their childhood behavior such as honesty. If individuals have this attitude toward the life, the world will be better place for living.

Writing Feedback / 'The exploration and development of safe alternative to fossile fuels' -My IELTS [10]

I really need your help, because I am going to take a IETS test within 5 days.

Topic: The exploration and development of safe alternative to fossile fuels sould be the most important global priority today. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

Today the subject of global warming, as a result of high demands on fossil fuels, has become an imperative issue worldwide. For this, many people and governments think that replacing these types of fuels by clean energy resources must be viewed as the most important concern in the world. In my own opinion, this matter is undoubtedly one of the most crucial problems in these days since it can impact our lives in various facets which will be discussed in this essay.

To believe or not, oil resources are not permanent and will be finished sooner or latter. As a result, authorities should consider this fact as a warning for the future. If no replacing energy to be provided, people will encounter a disaster in the future. In this circumstance people cannot use any car, industries will hurt, and many other difficulties may be created. Therefore, new fuels can guarantee the needs of individuals for energy in the distant future.

The second significant fact is negative effects of fossil fuels on the environment. Increase in the green house gases (e.g., CO2 and CO) which derive from from these fuels not only jeopardize the health of individuals, but also it may change the weather conditions, rise up the sea levels- which can destroy many living areas- and in general it makes the world as an unlivable place.

Furthermore, creating renewable energy resources can be accompanied by many financial profits for countries. The use of solar cells for controlling sun's energy or the use of wind power for producing electricity are the ways that are dramatically cheaper than fossil fuels. Thus, if fossil fuels to be replaced the governments' expenditure will decline and they can save their countries' incomes for other purposes such as promotion of educational standards, eradication of poverty, and the like.

However, some people think that there are other important things in the world which must be considered as worldwide priority such as various wars in the world, and unhealable diseases like AIDS. I believe, though, these issues are important but not as much as the significance of producing new energy sources in basis of what was mentioned above.

To sum up, these days introducing new types of fuels and decreasing the use of fossil fuels has become a very important problem so that some believe that it ought to be considered as an imperative all around the world. In my perspective, this can affect the next generations' lives in various aspects, and if is done nothing, the life in the world will become impossible.

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic: Increase in retiring age-agree or disagree [6]

This my new essay, please help me to improve it.
Topic: Some say that because people are living much longer, the age at wich people retire from work should be raised considerably. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In the ancient era people who aged over 40 were considered as elderly. However, as time passed, many promotions were provided in the various aspects, such as medical advancement and improvement of life standards, that made the average age of individuals longer. Some believe this phenomenon-increase the average age- must be viewed as a factor for determination of the age of retirement. They think that the age at which individuals retire should increase as the average age rises up. From my perspective, this work policy may have several negative effects on health, and other factors such as work conditions should also be considered.

Increase in the retiring age with respect to the average age of workforces may look reasonable. In fact, as the average age grows up, the years through which employees and workers can be useful on their occupations can rise up. As a result, companies and employers do not need to hire new workforces and they can use their experienced workers for a longer period of time.

However, I think, there are several other issues that must be viewed in this concern. Workload and work circumstances are the imperative elements that should be considered for detaining the age of retirement. The workers with high workloads, and those who work in the poisonous and stressful atmospheres ought to retire from work in earlier ages.

With regard to the issue concerning retiring age, mental health can also play an important role. Increase in the retiring age may negatively impact the people's mental states. In other words, all individuals require an opportunity to get rest and allocate their time for various exhilarating activities such as traveling. This work strategy causes people not being able to have chance for doing these types of activities.

Finally, increase the age of retirement can decline the job vacancies for younger adults. In fact, all the vacancies would be occupied by old workforce, and just rare opportunities would be available for youth.

In conclusion, a group of people think that the retiring age of people ought to rise due to increase in the average age of people. This policy may have several negative influences that may jeopardize the health of people and reduce the job opportunities for young individuals, even though it has some benefits for companies, employers, and other economical establishments. The stated negative aspects ought-weight its positive ones and, consequently, it should not be conducted in any country.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task2: Sould government allocate more budget to some special subjects? [3]

Hi guys, I would be grateful to know your ideas about my essay. Your comments on my previous essays were really helpful.
Topic: Modern societies need specialists in certain fields, but not in others. Some people therefore think that governments should pay universities fees for students who study subjects that are needed by society. Those who choose to study less relevant subjects should mot receive government funding. Would the advantages of such an educational policy outweight the disadvantages?

The advancement of technologies, sciences and educational systems have caused an extensive range of subjects to be created in relative to different needs of modern societies. However, it is believed that a group of majors are more required as compared to others. As a result, governments should allocate higher budget to these types of subjects. This opinion may have several positive and negative aspects which will be argued in this essay.

Restriction of government's expenditures to a narrow range of subjects in universities- that are considered as the most popular and important ones in a country- can have two main positive effects. First of all, with decrease in budget of less imperative majors, governments can save more money. This saved money can be spent on other difficulties such as eradication of poverty in societies. Secondly, if funding for important fields of study like engineering to be increased, facilities and educational standards would be driven up. Therefore, students' skills may be improved and these individuals can be more effective in a country as they occupy different job vacancies in the future.

However, this attitude toward government funding may accompany by disappearance of some subjects that are not essential apparently. Social sciences,for instance, may be viewed as less important than engineering because they do not impact the technology and economical aspects of a country. But, these kinds of sciences are necessary for recognizing the roots of societal issues. Moreover, this policy can draw attention of more students to the subjects that obtain more fees.Thus, many students ignore their interests just for using the higher funding. In addition, these days all sciences are relate to each others and this is what known as "interdisciplinary concept". In fact, nowadays it is too hard to distinct various subjects and classify them as more and less important ones. Consequently, with execution of the view which was mentioned above, one part of a science may improve, whereas other related subjects cannot have an opportunity for progressing.

According to what was discussed above, the downsides of this educational policy are more than its advantages. From my perspective, all majors are imperative in a specific way and all of them must be ameliorated for promotion of societies.

In summary, some say government funding would not evenly distribute through different subjects. They think those that are more effective should be given more fund. However, this idea is followed by several negative facets that make it harmful for a society.

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic- reduction in traffic jam by decrease in travel from home to other areas [3]

Hi guys, I prepared an essay with a topic which has been written below. I was wondering if you would mind reviewing it for me and I welcome your ideas.

The only way to reduce the amount of traffic in cities today is by reducing the need for people to travel from home for work, educatin or shopping. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

These days the size and population of cities are haphazardly growing up and, therefore, many big cities may encounter various problems, including traffic jam. As a result, authorities are seeking for a way to decline this problem. Some say, one effective solution for reducing level of traffic is decrease in travels from home to different parts of a city such as universities, shopping centers, etc. For my perspective, though, this is not an appropriate way since it has negative effects on economy of a city. These viewpoints will be argued in this essay and the possibility of them will be considered.

A group of people believe that reduction in traffic in a city is not achievable unless structure of that city to be changed. They think today's cities have an important problem called "zoning". Zoning is applied to a condition in which various parts of cities such as hospitals, universities, shopping malls, and the like, are located in the distinct areas. Consequently, individuals have to travel from their home to different districts for diverse purposes. One solution is distribution of these parts in all cities' areas. In this circumstance people do not require to leave their neighborhood for shopping, or working. In fact, this strategy needs to structure of a city considerably change.

Some others, however, think that this solution is not possible in practice. In other words, what was stated above requires a new city to be built, and it is not an economical way. In fact,there are other solutions which are viewed as cheaper ways. First one is evolution of public transportation systems. It is shown that one of the most important reasons why traffic jam increases in big cities is individual transportation growth. Another way can be a reduction in the rate of immigration from one city to a bigger city. Many believe that immigration is the main factor which creates overpopulated cities with high level of traffic. With regard to the issue concerning decline in immigration rate and, therefore, traffic jam, governments should allocate more budget for ameliorating life quality in all cities of their countries. Thus, public transportation and immigration can be considered as more imperative elements with respect to traffic reducing.

In my view, the role of financial difficulties for reducing the number of travels in a city is hard to ignore. This strategy is followed by producing new infrastructural constructions which needs great budgets.This difficulty is enough to make this opinion unpractical. However, I think the second viewpoint which was mentioned above is more reasonable and many counties are considering it.

To sum up, it is thought that if structures of cities to be changed in a way through which people's need for traveling throughout the cities decrease, the traffic jam problem in metropolises would be eradicated. While, financial problems are the main obstacles against this attitude that make it impossible in action.