Writing Feedback / Teaching in group along with specialised education according to abilities [5]

A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / "Get bored because nothing to do around" - a new movie theater may be built [7]

Make the sentences short and clear. This is what I have:

Next, theIf a movie theater is built aroundwill give more life to the neighborhood. People who live here will make plan to go to the cinema and have fun there; consequently, the life in the neighborhood will be more activethen this will bring enthusiasms for the community .

Scholarship / FINANCIAL AID APPEAL! University of Southern California [3]


Avoid empty phrases like "I'm talented," "I'm very intelligent," "I'm a great writer/engineer/artist," or "I had the highest GPA in my department as an undergrad." Instead, show them your worth through your professional Statement of Purpose/ Motivation letter and application portfolio and let them decide if you are amazing enough to attend their institution. Should you attempt to explain how amazing you are, make sure that you justify it. Yet, you must remain humble. For example: "I believe that I have the confidence in myself to strive for the furthest goal.

Writing Feedback / compare and contrast your fashion style with that of someone you know [3]

Here is I found on the net that should be followed as an organizational structure for your compare and contrast essay;
Introduction
Presents the basic information about the subjects to be compared and contrasted
Provides a thesis argument and 3 points of comparison that will be elaborated in the body of your essay. Points of comparison are the smaller arguments that help you develop your main argument.

Body Paragraphs
This is the meat of your essay. Each different section or body paragraph should tackle a different division of proof. It should provide and analyze evidence in order to connect those proofs to your thesis and support your thesis. You have to decide whether you'll be organizing your essay with three body paragraphs (using point-by-point organization) or with two body paragraphs (using whole-to-whole comparison).

Acknowledgement of Competitive Arguments/Concession
This paragraph acknowledges that other counter-arguments exist, but remarks how those arguments are flawed.
Conclusion
Summary of the evidence presented
Restatement of the thesis

A key point: How and What to analyze the differences and/or the similarities of two distinct subjects are the purpose of a compare and contrast essay

Essays / Comparison and Contrast Essay: Block Method [3]

How and What to analyze the differences and/or the similarities of two distinct subjects are the purpose of a compare and contrast essay.
Here is I found on the net that should be followed as an organizational structure for your compare and contrast essay;
Introduction
Presents the basic information about the subjects to be compared and contrasted
Provides a thesis argument and 3 points of comparison that will be elaborated in the body of your essay. Points of comparison are the smaller arguments that help you develop your main argument.

Body Paragraphs
This is the meat of your essay. Each different section or body paragraph should tackle a different division of proof. It should provide and analyze evidence in order to connect those proofs to your thesis and support your thesis. You have to decide whether you'll be organizing your essay with three body paragraphs (using point-by-point organization) or with two body paragraphs (using whole-to-whole comparison).

Acknowledgement of Competitive Arguments/Concession
This paragraph acknowledges that other counter-arguments exist, but remarks how those arguments are flawed.
Conclusion
Summary of the evidence presented
Restatement of the thesis

Research Papers / Research proposal topic for finance, business, investments [5]


Google is the best friend. Everything you can find there.
If you think that you need some feedback, you post your writing as a preliminary draft here. Or, if you don't want to post it, use this site to look at other peoples' essays for ideas.

Writing Feedback / 'homeless or in jail'; Parents are the best teachers; I agree with the statement [4]





You should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission. Also proofread your essay yourself to locate correctly spelled but misused words.


Follow this approach for your intro given by Dumi (our moderator);

Research Papers / formatting and proper content - I need a peer review for a research paper [8]


Yes, He is right :D
If you think that you need some feedback, you post your writing as a preliminary draft here. Or, if you don't want to post it, use this site to look at other peoples' essays for ideas.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Australian weather broadcasting process [6]


weather forecast


Bad phrases.
Try this: Collecting and providing a detailed analysis of the information,


Bad phrases.
Try this: prepare/ing for presentation and then broadcast/ing to the public


weather bureau or weather station

Study sample answer as to how your vocabularies could be improved

Writing Feedback / IELTS: production of electricity in Germany and France from all sources [7]

This is the third topic in the same row I share comments. As I have suggested to the latter thread, this task is aimed at assessing your report writing skills. So you need to stick to the in-depth comparisons and contrasts in presenting the charts. Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / IELTS: electricity generated in Germany and France in the year 2009 [6]

This is the second topic in the same row I share comment. As I have suggested to the previous thread, this task is aimed at assessing your report writing skills. So you need to stick to the in-depth comparisons and contrasts in presenting the charts. Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / IELTS: advertising impact on people's choice of consumption [4]


The above is too long and makes the reader tired of memorizing so many facts you have written there. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. This opening sentence needs to hook the reader. In other words, it should grab the readers attention towards your writing. Also, It is nicer to express your view on that before concluding your introduction. Those help you take the reader in your desired direction.

Research Papers / Draft Research Paper on: Legalization of Marijuana in America :Let's legalize it [2]

Now then, where's your post?
If you think that you need some feedback, you post your writing as a preliminary draft here. Or, if you don't want to post it, use this site to look at other peoples' essays for ideas.

Writing Feedback / Germany and France electricity generation 2009 [7]


This task is aimed at assessing your report writing skills. So you need to stick to the in-depth comparisons and contrasts in presenting the charts.

Peruse my comments on this thread: https://essayforum.com/writing-feedback-3/survey-childrens-act ivities-writing-task-sample-pie-graph-56323/

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / IELTS: problem of obesity and how to solve it; parents & school all have a role [4]

Let me give you a piece of advice :D
For the next essay, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph. Why? the first thing the examiner sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately know your writing needs more work to read.

Not separating paragraphs. Your score will immediately drop if you do not separate paragraphs clearly. My advice: leave a full line between paragraphs.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Technology impact on children's creativity. [4]


Conclusions are often the most difficult part of an essay to write, and many writers feel that they have nothing left to say after having written the paper. Remember, a clear and precise point of view also comes from a good concluding paragraph. You don't need to write details

Essays / Thesis statements on global warming? [26]


Google is the best friend. Everything you can find there.
Also, you can use this site (EF) to look at other peoples' essays/ topics for ideas.
If you think that you need some feedback, then you post your writing as a rough draft here.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: CHALLENGE - some people are attracted to dangerous sports/ activities [5]

A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / college or university; Success or a good life in future through knowledge [4]


These reasons are too weak to answer the prompt:


You should have a specific example per paragraph to make your idea more lively.

The best advice is to have 4 paragraphs for your essay that includes the introduction, the (two arguments between) bodies and the conclusion.

Letters / MUN MOTIVATION LETTER FOR BE PRESS MEMBER [3]


You should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission. Also proofread your essay yourself to locate correctly spelled but misused words.

Letters / Motivation letter for Tallinn University of Technology [6]


This sounds like a theory. What you need is to write more real-lie examples of you


Consider telling a relevant story or recounting of a specific experience in the opening paragraph to draw the reader in right away.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The relative electricity consumption; 'spa is more extravagant used' [5]

Sentence 1: electric cooking, freezer, water bed heater, clothes dryer, and washing machine that are more less approximately 1000 kilo watt hour per year with among $83 cost per year.

Sentence 2: refrigerator, poop pump, and spa (pump and heater) are rising sharply approximately 1100, 1480, and 2250
Sentence 3: people should pay among less than $88, $123, $180 cost per year.
The ideas of the sentences are not developed enough. Possible solution: specific statements (numbers, details) and sufficient amount of comparisons should be shown. Otherwise, you will have an average score.

Writing Feedback / IELTS-GT (task2): Working Extended hours should restricted. (Agree/Disagree) [5]


Well, you'd better rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of a well-known phrase or saying is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the examiner at all. You may get penalised.

Writing Feedback / Every movie made in a country can reflect some realities about that country [5]

Logon to EF
On the new screen that opens up, under the LOGO "EssayForum",
Find and select your essay file on the "-Select Forum-" screen and click on "WRITING FEEDBACK".
On the screen that says "Subject - MUST be descriptive, original, and meaningful!", write IELTS/TOEFL/GRE with the keywords (Max. 50 characters)
Finally, copy and paste your Essay into the Message box. You are asked to complete the full prompt with your essay so that we can provide you with more meaningful comments.

Writing Feedback / Should children be reeducated with severe methods? [8]

Hellooo..., where is the real prompt for this task? It is always good to include the prompt in your post together with the essay as it helps us fully understand what it requires from you.


adds no value. Better omit


I know this pattern from some corners of the world. However, this is not the right place to show your creative and innovative writing.The clarity of your writing makes your essay a pleasure to read.

Writing Feedback / broad knowledge vs many academic subjects; various subjects in order to be wise [4]

People who havewithan extensive in-depth knowledge can give more solutions to daily trouble, (stop here) whichThismeans people with comprehensive knowledge willresultslive more comfortable lives because of little trouble obstacle them.



It is always good if you explain the tool and how people should respond the problem by using such tool.


This contains many words. You can use this: Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2- MUSIC IN THE WOLD TODAY [4]


Very good advice by Pahan


A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / Ielts 1 enquire letter - English lessons questions [4]

Overall, you are being asked to use Present simple, Present continuous, Present perfect, and Future.

For the next letters, try to construct the paragraphs into:
Para 1: Opening
Para 2: Tell him/her how you got to know about the lesson
Para 3: Explain why you are interested in this lesson
Para 4: Say when and where you want to have the lesson
Para 5: Closing

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Number of childeren ever born from mother aged 40-45 [6]


Have you taken the real test? This is not a good way to show creativity and innovation in writing. As you prepare your real task, it is always good to get a good structure and a certain pattern that contain all the features in IELTS writing task 1. You don't need to experiment on. Develop your time management skills on this task is the important thing.Please, take my words into serious consideration

Writing Feedback / Ielts: Why people are moving to big cities - social issue [5]


a big city or big cities


it offers


'Various' should be followed by a plural noun


Noteworthy:You should utilize the grammar and spell check features of Microsoft Word to correct as many spelling and grammar problems as possible before submitting your essays. You will find this under the Tools menu of Microsoft Word. If something in your document is underlined in red or green, be sure to check the spelling and grammar suggestions prior to submission. Also proofread your essay yourself to locate correctly spelled but misused words.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'Durdle Door and Dorset' - Erosion of a Headland [3]

1. Your sentences, vocabulary, grammar, all that sound perfect and I think you've done a good job with this title. However, how's time? Did you handle the time effectively for this task ?

2. Not writing an overview. Your score will immediately drop if you do not write an overview clearly.

Essays / Good thesis statment about the cause/effect on technology [7]


You need a full prompt as to know how you and readers will interpret the significance of the subject matter under discussion.

Also, you may start asking yourself by;
Do I answer the question? Re-reading the question prompt after constructing a working thesis can help you fix an argument that misses the focus of the question.

Writing Feedback / Controversial: Teenagers are working while they are still students [4]


Pahan is right. I too think this phrase adds no value.
they can arrange time when they should study and when they would work.


is used when saying what bad thing will happen if something is not done. E.g. You'll have to go now, otherwise you'll miss your bus.


Vague Pronoun Reference


Incomplete sentence

Writing Feedback / Toefl - Is technology creating single world culture? fights for culture & belief [2]


Yes, Arun0506 is right. A writer needs to keep in mind that the intro is often what a reader remembers best. Your intro should be the best part of your essay. If you could, state your own opinion in the introduction itself with a statement expressing your opinion very clearly. That helps you take the reader in your desired direction.

Writing Feedback / Article: "What do you want to when you grow up?" medical student [5]

Doctor is one of the highest paying professions, (stop here) For example,thean average family doctor has an annual salary of $180,850 a year. After taking specialization (a comma) the salary gets even higher, about $230,540 a year!

Graduate / 'provide me with a bright future' - Motivation letter university [3]


Avoid empty phrases like "I'm talented," "I'm very intelligent," "I'm a great writer/engineer/artist," or "I had the highest GPA in my department as an undergrad." Instead, show them your worth through your professional Statement of Purpose/ Motivation letter and application portfolio and let them decide if you are amazing enough to attend their institution. Should you attempt to explain how amazing you are, make sure that you justify it. Yet, you must remain humble. For example: "I believe that I have the confidence in myself to strive for the furthest goal."

Undergraduate / USC PERSONAL ESSAY & SUPPLEMENT; "read my human" [5]

The force of the water was too strong, it pulled and tugged my legs,
this was no good for math and history, my imagination is too vivid

This is called comma splice, occurring when you use a comma to join two complete sentences without placing an appropriate joining word between them.

Writing Feedback / Pain (First writing Essay) - 'Pain is a word that most of us hate' [6]


Google is the best friend. Everything you can find there. Also, If you think that you need some feedback, you post your writing as a preliminary draft here. Or, if you don't want to post it, use this site (EF) to look at other peoples' essays for ideas.

Writing Feedback / Researching the Collapse of 2008: The Rise, Fall, and Flat Line [2]

But for recent college graduates- (I prefer using a comma, instead of hyphen) the group of immediate interest for our study-unemployment was consistently higher than for college graduates as a whole.

Overall, I like the way you use comparison. Also, you have good grammatical mechanics and vocabularies. I think you are ready for the final draft.

Grammar, Usage / What is the Difference between Literary Writings & Business Writings [10]

I've got information such as: Importance of good B.W, types of B.W, and effects of bad B.W. I've been told to explain of how factors like technology, competition, globalisation, communication could influence B.W to be more effective.


You don't need to worry too much. Google is the best friend. Everything you can find there. Also, If you think that you need some feedback, you post your writing as a preliminary draft here. Or, if you don't want to post it, use this site (EF) to look at other peoples' essays for ideas.