Writing Feedback / 'People use some drugs, always' - essay about drugs. [8]

Not a problem. Be sure to post your new, edited essay if you want more suggestions, etc.

Undergraduate / Sharps and Flats - common app essay... [10]

I am overwhelmed by a force I cannot see, and I am rising. I am soaring high.

I fall. The world comes back into focus, and the melody stops. What had happened? I looked down on the keyboard and saw my index finger on a black key, a sharp.

How the same key can produce two different meanings and how the same meaning can be found from two different keys? How the piano sounds different, unique, each time I attempt to play it?

Great job! Loved the essay! Like Kevin suggested, I would tie in this experience into your career path or major into the essay.

Undergraduate / Essay : Issue of importance (about a pessimistic friend?) [16]

Like Kevin and his great example (sorry about them beating ya up, Kev, but you are great!), you should write your essay with a positive spin. For example, I would not write about getting attacked by sharks when I was two years old and now have a fear of water; instead, I would say that being attacked made me aware of my surroundings and better at problem-solving and stress in situations... FYI, just an example-I was never attacked by any animal. :)

GOOD LUCK!

Undergraduate / U Washington, How to contribute to this community [3]

I forgot to tell you all of this stuff.... You did answer the question. I liked that you used your entire life and culture to make your point. Good job!

Undergraduate / Essay : Issue of importance (about a pessimistic friend?) [16]

Maybe you should focus on something that positively influenced you, but a negative influence is definitely a form of influence. If that is what you feel strongly about and can write enough about it, GOOD FOR IT!

Poetry / ideas or starting a Senses Poem [6]

If you didn't start with a sixth sense, I would start with a sense other than your eyes. I would conclude with your eyes.

Essays / Allusion. Film as lit class [8]

You could also use movies, such as "Minority Report", "Total Recall", "Secret Window", and "Hide and Seek". These would show the effects that freedom and restriction (or control) of the mind!

Undergraduate / 'Tupac's changes' - NYU short response [4]

I experienced a sort of catharsis as I sat in my living room and watched an African-American nominee be elected president of the United States. I was reminded also of a verse from the song "Changes" by Tupac: "Although it seems heaven-sent, we ain't ready to see a black president." Suddenly, the song seemed to take on a new meaning that spoke of our progress and endless possibilities, and inspired hope. As I utter the words to this song, I re-experience that cathartic moment. I sing proudly.

What is the word count for this prompt? If it is a bit longer, I would write a bit more about the song's influence on you. Good job otherwise!

Graduate / Admission Essay Msc in Managerial and Financial Review! [4]

I have been hoping and planning to pursue a business master's degreefor the past three years since graduating from Nanyang Polytechnic in Year 2005. I successfully graduated from the University of South Australia with bachelor's degree in mechanical and manufacturing engineering with honors in August of 2008. I believe it is a mature moment for me to continue the great foundation for a career in finance after three years working experience and strong engineering academic background.

The great interests of finance and strong desire to pursue a career in finance industry motivate and support me come along the way. I believe the program in HEC can provide me invaluable business knowledge and skills, which will be most beneficial as I embark the career I planned three years ago.

I am benefited from the polytechnic anduniversities' diverse syllabus content, which have given me a comprehensive exposure to engineering disciplines and provided me strong logical analysis and mathematics training. Various supplementary business programs provided me great opportunities to learn business disciplines. Business concepts and methodologies, which used in engineering aspects, made me curious to engage in these interdisciplinary field study. Then, I aimed at business process analysis and development in manufacturing company as my final year project topic.

During my previous three years working period, I was never far away from business and finance, these two words . I was totally immersed in a strong business academic atmosphere when I worked as program executive in Nanyang Business School. The splendid lectures given by those intelligent professors enlarged my understanding and vision in business disciplines and confirmed my determination to have career in finance. Later, I had lots of chances to practice and experience in real business world in TRANE as a assistant sales engineer. My position required not only engineering technical knowledge ,but also strong business sense and skills, great teamwork and excellent communication skills. Although there were lots of problems faced everyday, it is joyful to see that lots of new customers were willing deal with me and became my regular customers after problems I conquered each time. Through the challenges and difficulties , I have grown into an even more confident and respected person than before.

In the future, I intend to become a successful financial analyst, who learns to combine strengths in the various disciplines in order to solve the diverse dimensions of real-life practical problems of finance industry. I believe that the program will provide me the strong skills, which largely benefit me to stand an advantage position in future career paths. My short-term goal is to obtain the chance to engage in this master's degree of science in managerial and financial economics program. Regarding the long-term goal, although it's difficult to predict things far into the future, I clearly know what direction I desire to develop toward. After joining the financial industry, I would like to become the top financial analyst and expert whom others rely upon . I have fully prepared to take any challenge and responsibility that might be presented in the long term.

Undergraduate / FSU essay ("traditions and customs that have become a part of my life") [11]

500 words is typically about 1 page of text, double-spaced, 12 sized font, Times New Roman. So a full five paragraphs may be a bit long unless the paragraphs are short.

Student Talk / Word count limits and restrictions in essays [44]

If word count is not specified, then it should not be too strict. Depending on the prompt, I would answer accordingly. I would make sure that I answer the prompt.

Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

I would contact the school. Sometimes, the lag time between submission and collection is two different times. Contact the school to check their policy even if it was late. Usually, they will at least consider your application even if it was late. Good luck!

Undergraduate / UW short essay - "race and culture at school" [5]

The differences that brought me closer to understanding others and appreciate the differences between us.

GREAT JOB!

Undergraduate / U of Washington. Limit for number of word? [13]

I don't think that 700 words would be a big problem. If they recommended between 500-650 words, 700 should be fine. They probably recommend that because too many people supplied 200-300 word essays that were not as detailed or 1000-1250 word essays that were too "fluffy".

Essays / Common app essay format question (is it double-spaced, 12 Times?) [8]

I would use double-spaced, 1" margins, 12 sized font, and Times New Roman because that is most likely what your professors will request.

Undergraduate / VCU essay: "Education and Life: A Personal Statement." In this essay, discuss your educational goals [8]

I lived in South Korea for 13 years; therefore , the transition of cultural and social ways of life created a great impact in my life. However, my first American friend, Rachel, was truly helpful to me.

So, I illustrated the picture of it.

I realized that art is a universal language, and that gave me confidence that I could accomplish anything in life.

When I came to the United States, I barely knew English; I could not talk with other people, even though I wanted to do so; however , I was able to use my art skills as a means of communication.

First off, THANK YOU for saying "May" instead of "Can"! :)
It was a good essay, but, like Newsha31 said, it was not very exciting.

Undergraduate / CMC essay; "First in war, first in peace, and first in our countrymen's hearts" [16]

The essay was fine. The changes that Kevin suggested would have made it even better; however, if it is already sbumitted, there is no use in worrying about it. Good luck!

Essays / Essay on "GOOD DEED I HAVE DONE IN 2008" [12]

Is this your essay or are you wanting someone to write it for you based on what you just wrote?

Undergraduate / Who am I? (200 words) [16]

I have always believed that only after everything external has been taken away is the left person the real me. Then, what is left is simply my heart and my mind.

The love is given not just to family, but also to mankind.

Good job!

Faq, Help / Can I repost a revised essay or it will be deleted? [12]

What is the name of the post?

Faq, Help / How long to reply by a moderator or contributor? [9]

Like Kevin, I am playing catchup. I try to look at the unanswered posts first, but, like Kevin said, if we miss one, let us know.

Also, try not to post an edition to your post or comments after the original post. The reply number will go up!

Undergraduate / 'I wanted to become a Veterinarian' - Inspiration at the Kennel [38]

I think that the proper use of a semi-colon is a big deal to anyone, especially colleges. I am an English grad. In college, I saw many misused and abused semi-colons, even by other English majors! AHHHH! It is a big deal.

As far as spelling out numbers, the rule I have learned throughout college is to spell out numbers lower than ten only... except if you have a sentence like this:

"I found that eight to thirty people..." If you spell out the first number, spell out the second.

Graduate / Could you assist me if these question are well answered (the programme) [3]

I would add a bit more to Q1. It looks so tiny.

Swidish should be Swedish, right?

Q3 -- forwad should be forward.

Good luck!

Essays / A letter to my first-year roommate. I have no idea what to talk about. [19]

Pretend that you are writing a questionnaire for your future roommate to fill out. Write down the things that you would want to know about him/her. Then, answer those questions for them. The best essay I saw for this was in a dialogue form. See this thread:

essayforum.com/2_5160_0.html#msg20292

Undergraduate / Check your submissions dates common app posting incorrect dates!? [19]

For any submission errors, questions, concerns, etc., I would direct someone in the admissions office at the college(s) in question.

Student Talk / What does it mean to be a good writer? [7]

This is what I mean when I make notes...

Good job = You did an o.k. job in writing and thinking about your essay; you may have made a few mistakes, but I understood what you were wanting to say overall; you answered the prompt successfully.

Great / good writer = You have a way with words; you take a different approach to writing and use words to pluck the strings of my heart and mind. You have a gift. Being a good / great writer for me does not mean that there are NO or FEW errors in the work; however, it means that the words chosen for the work are unique and thought-provoking. Thought was given before each word rested on the page.

Hope that helps!

Faq, Help / Can I repost a revised essay or it will be deleted? [12]

Jennc09:

We can reply and assist as much as possible, but everything must be in the same thread. One cannot create one thread, get input, and repost a revised version on a new thread. Everything must be on the same thread.

Sorry for the deletion. Try adding your new, revised version to the original post.

Student Talk / Application Question January [127]

TYPICALLY, as long as you submitted your application and information by 1/1/09, it is there on time. Generally, many schools will actually accept late information for up to a week after the due date. Good luck!

Undergraduate / Which "Why Tufts?" essay is better? [6]

I liked the first one better with the last sentence of the second version. Good luck

Undergraduate / MIT essay B "The world I come from", soccer championship [4]

Try to add your edited version to get more input before sending it. Good luck!

Undergraduate / Princeton Summers; What do you think? [2]

Since I immigrated to America, I have lived in separation from my Albanian relatives.

In high school, I enrolled in a very rigorous academic strand, which offers very little flexibility.

As a result, last summer, I decided to enroll in a sociology course at a local community college nearby .

Undergraduate / 'Korean engineer' - University of Washington essay [6]

When looking back on the 18 years of my life, I have chosen the way of my life based on a supportive back ground, my parents.

My life as an engineer had started even before I was born. In my country Korea, it is common thing that pregnant women have a dream of conception, called Taemong, before giving a birth. For example, my grandma dreamed about a rising sun among the darkness while she was pregnant with my father.

When my mom was pregnant, she dreamed about herself walking underwater and visiting a craftsman(engineer) who was constructing a castle under the sea.

Undergraduate / Why Boston University? - One look at the Boston University website had answered all my prayers [3]

Through my travels to three different countries, I came to learn ...

Although I plan to major in pre-medicine, I also have interest ...

One look at the Boston University web site had answered all my prayers.

CAS has programs in 19 countries on six continents."

Undergraduate / Rice University Supplement [Short] [4]

Throughout my initial college search, I had never heard of Rice. However, one day I got a post card and was about to throw it away, like I had done with other universities I was unfamiliar with . For some reason though, I decided to look into Rice University, and, in the end, I am happy I did. In the past year, I have researched many different colleges, but none of them have had as strong of an impact on me as Rice.

The more I research, the more it grows on me.

I like the last sentence of the firs paragraph, but the remaining parts of the first paragraph can be deleted. I would focus more on why you like the school and want to go there.

Writing Feedback / The person I admire happens to be my rival - Essay on Role model [7]

Her concentrations on her major was so vividly shown that it was hard not to be captivated. My cousin is the kind of person who would not let herself gets bogged down because of minor mishaps, or that time was not on her side for completing a project. It is her motivation and passion in her works that captivated, and it was then that she became the sole figure in which I want to surpass.

My freshman year's schedule included academic classes and a few electives that were regretfully chosen.

The year that changed my high school life started out as nothing more than just the academic classes and new electives.

My cousin had recommended the class when she heard my answer about how dull high school has been going for me during that summer.

Writing Feedback / Lincoln Paper - Introductory Paragraph [11]

The nation has been graced with many of the greatest minds in history: George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, John Adams, and James Madison.

Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president, ascended to office during a time of uproar, turmoil, and disorder.

Undergraduate / 'In love with the sky' - Main essay. Influential experience in ur life [21]

Well, unfortunately, it took me 16 years to understand that I don't need to pass the atmosphere to do so, not necessarily; it is all here, on earth. It's always been.

The process of this understanding started one year ago, when I moved to USA with my family in order to seek a better life and better educational opportunities for me and my little sister.

Actually, that part of me that always longed for new worlds didn't let the sadness of departure stop me from doing it.

So, I started to look around, and I needed something worthy enough for stuffing myself again. The very first thing that I started to absorb was school. I was like a starving kid, and school was a rich food. In school, I could both spend time with people in my age, and I could also learn.

Undergraduate / Personal Statement, taking pictures as my hobby. [8]

It's about freezing a moment, putting a vision onto paper, with emotions and feelings.

At the surface, I see the whole heart, and, as a scientist, I look for the secrets locked within its walls that can save human lives.

I didn't do well, and I wasn't proud of the results. So, I tried again and relearned the subject last summer, enrolling in organic chemistry at my local community college with dogged determination. My perseverance is paying off, and I'm already applying the knowledge regularly in advanced research at Oregon Health and Science University.

These experiences form but a small fragment of the collage that is my life, and I intend to continue to enrich this picture as I expand my horizons and pursue my passions in college.

[I'm still working on the transitions and the conclusions]

Grammar, Usage / does this sentence make sense? "I watched the small playful ping pong ball..." [9]

Yep! I got the point!

Faq, Help / How do I delete a thread? [40]

Hello everyone! You can contact the website administrator to request it to be erased! Why would you want it erased?