Research Papers / IS BUYING ORGANIC PRODUCE REALLY WORTH IT? $ [3]


Google is the best friend. Everything you can find there.
If you think that you need some feedback, you post your writing as a preliminary draft here. Or, if you don't want to post it, use this site to look at other peoples' essays for ideas.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay - why adults decide to study; shared cost of each course [6]

Hope this can cover the data presented in the bar chart:
A subject's preference breaks a record as the highest percentage. Gaining qualification, this shows 22 percent of participants. However, there seems a slight gap between the opportunity for changing the job and meeting people, with twelve and 9 percent of participants.

Writing Feedback / The contribution of three different sectors to the UK economy; 'agriculture 50%' [8]


Is this you mean?
Agriculture sectors broke a record as the highest percentage of selected contribution, followed by manufacturing coming as second in the first-decade period. The business and financial sectors showed a reserve.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: International Graduations of Canadian Colleges; New Brunswick highest % [4]

In para 2, I see you emphasized these areas:


and


In para 3, you too wrote these:


and


Let me give a few edits from those areas mentioned:
The province of New Brunswick was of the highest international graduates, but Ontario in 2001 and Alberta in 2006 were the lowest of all. Likewise, the university graduates were those who studied in New Brunswick province, which made up a sizeable proportion.

The sentence I write can be put anywhere as to how the key trends could be improved, called a succinct explanation.

Writing Feedback / IELTS : Contacting nowadays seems to be not a difficulty anymore; technology [9]


Let me give a few edits:
Given this evidence, we have discussed the pros and cons of technologies. However, people are free to express their preferences through the use of technology.


This is verbose. Better omit. If you think that you need to have Strong Writing, more succinctly !!!

Writing Feedback / Number of visits to two new music sites on the web - 180,000 / 80,000 [4]

You DO know no pictures here :(

Your sentence:
In general, it can be seen from the graph that many people are doing to go to new places for hearing new music during fifteen day.

Comments:
I fully well know how you were using "In general, it can be seen from the graph that" but it actually is not strong writing. It is verbose. If you think that you need to have Strong Writing , more succinctly !!!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Underground railway systems; 'London has been the oldest' [6]

Overall, your writing is good, but you still need more work for these points:
1. Introduction: you have a table with five columns showing information related to the data. Being asked to write an introduction, you can paraphrase the heading words in the columns.

2. An overview: You should find the correlation amongst the features. The easiest way is to juxtapose the big and small numbers, and the cities. Comparing and contrasting skills are needed here.

With regard to this topic, MisterWandering has written the very impressive visual writing. Here is the link: https://essayforum.com/writing/underground-railway-systems-field-opening-date-50751/. Please read more closely. Try to understand how the comparison and contrast are used. If you could, then you better rewrite yours.

Well,


is used to give another opinion or fact that should be considered as well as the one you have just given.
E.g. Nuclear power is relatively cheap. On the other hand, you could argue that it's not safe.

Writing Feedback / IELTSTASK1:illiteracy rates by region and by gender; 2%, 12% and 20% rate [2]

Hi Ernhy, I have studied this sample.

I see you can write many words to describe this bar chart. You, however, are failed to describe this with a succinct explanation.

Developed Countries, Latin America, and East Java with rates of approximately 1%, 10%, and 8%.
Sub-Saharan Africa, Arab States, and South Asia had rates of approximately 31%, 29%, and 34%.
Developed Countries, Latin America/Caribbean and East Asia/Oceania with rates of approximately 2%, 12% and 20%.
Sub-Saharan Africa, the Arab States and South Asia had rates of approximately 48%, 52% and 56%.

Those sentences are called 'shopping list', by listing obvious figures one after another. The best way is to compare and contrast the key trends. This shows more professional writing than does the previous style.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: There have been significant developments in the field of IT! [6]


This is good. Let me give a few edits
Loosening people's hold on the latest inventions is one drawback to technology. One example is robots. Scientists predict that one day people must save from intelligent robots taking no limited judgement in the world.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Universities offer people opportunity to learn and improve their skills [7]


Yes, Dumi is right. I learn a lot from her. Thanks Dumi :D

Also, I want you to pay special attention to her approach. I believe this approach brings you to earn a good score for your writing.

With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Hope this helps

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Under British and Australian laws a jury in a criminal case has no access [8]

Sorry, dear :(
I am not the one who is capable of answering your question. To make everything clear, here is a website link you can visit. Please read this discussion more closely:

ielts.org/PDF/Vol4_Report2.pdf
Hope this helps :D

Undergraduate / Quick question, Transfer essay: What would be a better word to use for "aspects" ? [5]

The are many words can be dealt with. One of the words is perspective , or perception can used to replace aspect in this phrase: various social and cultural aspects found both inside and outside of the urban campus.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / Wealthy nation shares to support poor countries at the solidarity among nations [5]

sometimes poor countries should be responsible for providing solution to what?of in the field of their limitation . The inevitable (noun) of this doingpoor living conditions is facing in Timor Timur, an enlarging country of Indones

this country after they separate with(Use this word: disintegrate, or check your dictionary) Indonesia

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Listening to the advice of family and friends or via personal experience? [5]

5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 30 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

With the structure (a 4-paragraph essay), you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. Also, this is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Technology impact on people; Earth has become like a small village [10]

5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

Look at what Dumi suggests you with the structure (a 4-paragraph essay). With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. Also, this is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / Money is a major source of satisfaction while searching for a job [4]

The first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Most important room; Bathroom is my essential demand [6]

The first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.


This adds no value. Better omit or rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the readers at all to finish reading the essay.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Under British and Australian laws a jury in a criminal case has no access [8]

Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

Look at what Dumi suggests you with the structure (a 4-paragraph essay). With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. Also, this is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Reading news in the internet or newspapers ? [5]


This item is highly common.
Use these less common lexical items:
The aforementioned evidence examines that ...
Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Universities offer people opportunity to learn and improve their skills [7]


This adds no value. Better omit or rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the readers at all to finish reading the essay.

The first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

Writing Feedback / I agree with the selective roommate system; Dormitory rooms shared by 2 students [4]

Well, the first thing the reader sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read. Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words.

Look at what Dumi suggests you with the structure (a 4-paragraph essay). With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. Also, this is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / Travels broaden the mind - Advantage and disadvantage of travelling [9]

5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion.This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words.

Look at what Dumi suggests you with the structure (a 4-paragraph essay). With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. Also, this is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Some people are attracted to dangerous sports? 'feel more alive' [4]


This adds no value. Better omit or rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the perfect phrase is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the readers at all to finish reading the essay.

Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words.

With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly. Also, this is good for coherence and cohesion between sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: There have been significant developments in the field of IT! [6]


You don't need to use lazy language expressions (eg 'etc', or and so forth') They are are used more in spoken language. Also, this indicates you don't care enough to finish a sentence properly

Writing Feedback / ielts; Teaching foreign languages broaden childrens horizons [7]


5 or 4 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some students, that I see, put grandiose ideas, by writing too many words. Uppsss.., remember, 40 minutes to finish your essay are a must :D

Look at what Dumi suggests you with the structure (a 4-paragraph essay). With this structure, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for advantages, and one for disadvantages. This is good for coherence and cohesion between the sentence-to-paragraph-to-essay construction, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / IELTS:The birth rate in most developed countries is predicted to begin to fall. [4]


This item is highly common.
Use these less common lexical items:
The aforementioned evidence examines that ...
Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...



When you write firstly, secondly, lastly to mention supporting points , I am afraid that you are overusing the linking devices. I think the better way is to avoid using lots of the connective words. If you think that you need to earn coherence and cohesion, pay particular attention to demonstrate cohesion.

A helpful tip before taking the exam:
When you deal with IELTS, the first thing the assessor sees is your layout, which shows whole of your essay. If the layout is difficult to read, which is let's say: no spaces between paragraphs, then he/she immediately knows your writing needs more work to read.

Hence, I suggest you to leave one space every time you open a new paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Never miss a chance to attend a live performance, its way better than TV at home [4]


You'd better rewrite this expression. What I see is that many students think the memorization of the phrase is much more acceptable. As a result, they use it every time when they write. And to tell you the truth it doesn't impress the readers at all to finish reading the essay.


This item is highly common.
Use these less common lexical items:
The aforementioned evidence examines that ...
Given this evidence, it can be seen that ...

Writing Feedback / Work or travel between high school & university; beneficial or unfavorable year [5]


What's then? 4 or 5 paragraphs?
Well, if you have a question that you don't like at all, then you can write with a 5-paragraph essay. You write one introduction, three bodies, and one conclusion. This can help you write more words, but some seems inefficient, by writing too many words.

With a 4-paragraph essay, you are easy to develop your paragraph properly, one content paragraph for advantages, and one for disadvantages. This is good for coherence and cohesion between sentence to sentence and paragraph to paragraph, and for which in the five-paragraph structure this is weak.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Adult educational survey report [15]


I think we have not discuss this area yet.


What you have explained is good, but hard for me to understand. Please say it in a simple way.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Under British and Australian laws a jury in a criminal case has no access [8]


This is good, but shows complexity. It takes time to follow the logical order. Perhaps the commas you use are too much.

if witnesses give strongly and unarguable evidence that the culprit is guilty, and the jury has an access to the defendant's information, which says that the guy is homeless or robber, they are capable to make wrong decision.

Is this you mean?
During the trial, if witnesses are highly likely to incriminate the victim, they make false accusations.

Hope this helps :D

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Listening to the advice of family and friends or via personal experience? [5]

A few edits. Hope this brings clarity
It is experience which shapes personality. Life experience could possibly change a person's value, becoming an independent, self-reliant adult. Being no bounded by mandatory interaction, a person is more likely to take a decision about where daily life is much more private. As a rule, everybody is unique, with her/his own experience and behavior.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: leisure time - joblessness people take the highest place in the race [5]


Yes, Dumi is right. It is hard to share thoughtful feedback for your IELTS visual writing if the picture of the diagram isn't attached.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Reading news in the internet or newspapers ? [5]


Better omit. It adds no value for the intro.


This is good, but shows complexity.
Since the dawn of civilization, it is believed reading newspaper has provided the latest information people need.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Human needs vs. saving land for endangered animals [5]

If we don't (write do not, instead of using contracted form) change our behavior (a comma) we will extinct many species living for millions of years on the planet.


The red phrase shows complexity.
Given this evidence, it can be seen that we definitely have to change our behavior towards the environment, not only to preserve the endangered animals, but also to preserve our own living conditions.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Rush vs. Slower Pace [5]

If you are always facing excessive stress, then you cannot care for your beloved's.
If you do not hurry yourself, then you can take more time for your family and friends.
... really satisfied about it, (omit a comma here. it is not necessary) because he can enjoy his family


Being handled for complicated tasks in a last-minute rush to meet the deadline, you are more likely to make fatal errors.

Writing Feedback / Single career is an old fashion - 'being an expert in one specified sphere' [6]


This is good, but let me give a few edits
World revolution affects nearly all aspects of a working life and development of technology timeline. Internet claimed as a symbol of freedom has positively changed the way people communicate with each other.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: E-mail has had a huge impact on professional and social communication, .. [4]


This is good, but let me give a few edits:
Electronic mails commonly create users-friendly, high levels of efficiency and productivity, and standard Ethernet area networks. Hence, some people prefer writing an email rather than corresponding a letter. This proves the big advantage of this system is that it is fast.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1 : Adult educational survey report [15]


Let me give a few edits:
A subject's preference breaks a record as the highest percentage. Gaining qualification, this shows 22 percent of participants. However, there seems a slight gap between the opportunity for changing the job and meeting people, with twelve and 9 percent of participants.

Undergraduate / Personal Statement; 'Life is full of challenges' [6]

This is good, but shows complexity.

Let me give a few edits:
After I have taken steps towards, the passion of studying and leadership rouses me as a young generation. Then, I dedicate myself to make the higher education system more effectively than a period of long term education stability. As you can see from my transcript, I have good academic credentials. Also, I have an opportunity to be as assistant professor of Dawat University. However, I may have little experience of teaching students who have the same education level as me, Bachelor's degree. Hence, having experience as a Fullbright scholar to Master in Structure Engineering / Bridge Engineering will help me to reach my plans.

Writing Feedback / Where do you want to live? traditional vs modern - 'health environment choice' [21]


Your intro:


This is good, but shows complexity.

Let me give a try for the intro:
House is a place where most people spend their whole life. While some people claim that a traditional house preserves more privacy, some others argue that a modern house has an ideal location, which is mostly found in business and commercial activities. However, I would support that the traditional ones are more comforting, convenient, and peaceful.