Undergraduate / NYU SCPS - Kick in the Teeth [4]

My wife wrote these words on a set of index cards she sent to me to countdown my last deployment; however, I never really understood their context until now.

I've witnessed the ugly face of unemployment first-hand and the difficulties of translating my military experiences to the needs of corporate America, and I also realized the push to hire "heroes" only applies to those with college degrees.

I've learned to view life's "roadblocks" as challenges that provide me the opportunity to grow as an individual, and as a result, I've found my purpose in life.

In essence, earning a degree from NYU not only benefits me - it provides the cornerstone to transform the lives of hundreds of veterans.

My education will ensure that future veterans will not have to face the hardships I faced when leaving the military.

What a powerful essay! I feel that what you left out, say as much as what you wrote. Thank you, thank you, for what you're doing for veterans everywhere, and good luck with school.

:)

Undergraduate / Cross Country Trip ('a career in business') - Common App Transfer [3]

Going toEnrolling at Los Angeles City College was an attempt to save money on going to school out of state.

Academically speaking, many courses are basic, in comparison to comparable courses at Amherst.

It turns out that moving from the small town of Pepperell Massachusetts---(hey, do you know Ian Gray?)

---to a predominately Spanish speaking neighborhood in central Los Angeles was not an easy transition.

Living on my own was not the issue.

Amherst offers a wide variety of student organizations in which I have interest, such as the Food and Beverage Management Association and the Wrestling intramural sports club.

Participating in school organizations offers opportunities to make connections with people my own age who are interested in the same things as I am .

Your essay is excellent, very well written and interesting. It sounds as if UMass will be lucky to have you as a student! Amherst is such a great college town, and close to Northhampton, which also is full of college students and book stores, hippies and fun...my daughter is a student at UMass too. Good luck in school and have fun! If you do know Ian, it's funny what a small world it is!

:)

Undergraduate / Questbridge essay, "Gerardo's Fifth" [2]

The first elongated note escapes from the strings of the violins, violas, and cellos, filling the hall with a veil of silky pleasure, easing a smiles and dreamy stares from the spectators.

Soft notes remind me of the whispers of my best friend in Mexico, who told me of how American children eat every day, have mounds of toys, and sleep in cozy warm homes.

The sharp, quick notes that the orchestra generated were much like the life style here in the United States.

This cultural shock propelled me to a new level of maturity that peers my age would not arrive at until adulthood.

I am the soloist of my own desires, learning, composing, and independently practicing my passion for mathematics.

The life he has had has shaped him into a leader, a mentor, a teacher, but more importantly, a student, constantly learning from others.

Only then does he realize, the curious boy who was thrust into a hostile environment and the man in the middle have always been the same.

What an amazing essay!! This is so beautifully written and imaginative, also quite different from the run of the mill essays I edit all day. Thank you for brightening my day. Good luck in school, though I doubt that you'll need luck.

:)

Writing Feedback / Process Analysis paper -- Essay about dressing well [2]

We had always attended several Indian weddings in conventions centers located all throughout Louisiana.

She had pointed out numerous times to other family members,of their conflicting outfits .

Slowly, she took both pairs of pants and placed them at my waist level one at a time.

She took two ties out of the closet and placed them at my arms.

She turned off the lights, and I climbed into bed.

She checked to see if she had missed any buttons and then buttoned my cuffs.

I needed the watch for this occasion too , so I went to my nightstand and took out my Mickey Mouse watch, strapping it around my arm.

I had heard a girl ask a boy why I was wearing a suit.

My hands were in my pockets and I looked down at the ground.

I had thought that my apparel didn't meet their qualification for being Indian enough.

Within fifteen minutes, another boy asked to join.

:)

Writing Feedback / IT IS REALITY IT MIGHT LOOK LIKE STUPIDITY. [3]

UNTIL YOU ACCEPT RESPONSIBILITY YOU CANNOT BECOME A CELEBRITY, IT IS YOUR ACCEPTABILITY AND CONNECTIVITY TO THE LAWS OF DIVINITY THAT DETERMINES YOUR PRODUCTIVITY.

LET ME ADVISE HERE, LET US FLEE FROM SEXUALITY...

BUT LISTEN TO THIS: AS FOR YOU, AS A CHILD OF DESTINY IN CHRIST, THERE IS AN IMMUNITY SPARKING LIKE ELECTRICITY FOR YOUR SECURITY AGAINST SATANIC STUPIDITY, YOU SEE PRINCIPALITIES AND CALAMITY WITH POVERTY THEY ARE SATANIC STUPIDITY TO STRIP YOU OF...

I'm pretty sure these are rap lyrics, and not an essay...but...awesome!

:)

Undergraduate / Questbridge Autobiographical Essay -"We don't speak at the dinner table." [3]

Questions I had concerning math homework or an essay were beyond my parents' realm of English, despite having lived in America for nearly twenty years.

But I was determined to carry my dreams into fruition and began researching art schools in the middle of fifth grade, unaware that, seven years later, I'd have to make the hardest decision of my life to take those same, top-ranked art schools off my list because I couldn't possibly afford them.

Our polished dining room table, with its glass top and wood finish, was beginning to crack and I was almost afraid that my family would go with it.---This is a great sentence!

This is a well written and powerful essay. Good luck in school!

Undergraduate / 'learning from those mistake' - FSU [2]

I can still vividly remember resting my forehead on the back of the toilet seat, small shreds of tobacco sticking between the crevices of

my gums.---I made this into one longer sentence so it would flow better.

Because he was the only other 12-year old in my neighborhood, we spent a lot of time together, including

most Fridays when I would spend the night at his house.

Our preteen curiosities would get the best of us at times, and Joseph would fill up an empty water

bottle with vodka stolen from his alcoholic mother.

Though most would have hesitated, I complied with the demand of the intimidating man

before me.
My next memory is of being alone in my bathroom, terribly sick, vomiting through the night.---You're both lucky you didn't end up in the hospital, as it's poison!

I feel fortunate because I learned from this experience to exit the path of

destruction and make better choices.

I think you did a very good job with this, and it does show 'how' you are a learner, it shows that you are open to it. I hope this makes sense!

:)

Undergraduate / "Don't worry trooper!" - Quesbridge Essay #2 [2]

"There are no earthquakes in Florida!"

The reactions I got from my friends regarding the chair were a mixture of pity and curiosity. "A ww, you spend an average of three hours a day doing scoliosis exercises?

Can I try out the chair?"

... or, "Maybe, we can drag your electric chair outside during Halloween...

The little nerdy elementary-schooler inside of me was revived, and I was shocked to see that she had grown up to be an intelligent young woman.

Whereas I spent most of 8th and 9th grades repressing the gifted girl I had once been...

I no longer lie in bed, munching on pain relievers while watching Friends, convincing myself that the reason I am slacking in school is not because I want to fit in, but because my scoliosis won't let me.---This is great-the sentence and the situation!

Until then, it'll serve as a bittersweet reminder of how important it is to never lose sight of my true potential, just to fulfill other people's definition of "cool".

Excellent!! Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Science has been my passion' - Wisconsin-madison STATEMENT [3]

During high school, I was a director of International U nderstanding in the Rotary Club.

My duty involved me organizing trips overseas to increase the understanding...

We also did other work (cleaning the place, painting walls, installing a water distillation plant, etc) at the orphanage and at times, it was rather tedious and tiring.

That trip taught me that life is not all about the number of days one lives, but the amount of life present in one's days.---I love this !!

I realized the importance of team-work and training.

When I get to Wisconsin, I hope to join the soccer team and continue achieving and learning new things from playing with my team-mates.

Science has been my passion since I was very young.

I read encyclopedias at home and was fascinated by the 'how things work' sections that I read.

Thus, I chose an extended essay in physics as my research during the International Baccalaureate course (high school equivalent).

Have fun in school and good luck!!

:)

Undergraduate / 'the National Honor Society' -FSU application (leadership, learning, service, global) [3]

There has always been one very important hour of the week, during which my mom and I never made any plans other than to stay home, Wednesdays from 7:00 to 8:00 pm.

A realistic comedy centered around the close relationship between a thirty year old single mother and her teen daughter.

...I was defeated, but on the positive side, I learned an important lesson; t hat leadership can't be bought.

In fact, I skipped all that entirely, and instead focused on a speech that would tell my classmates all my ideas for meaningful community service projects I would set into motion if honored with their votes .

Then, when the National Honor Society needed ideas for fund raising, I researched every local event going on during the following six months, contacted the individuals in charge, and organized ways for the society to sell food and beverages at certain events that hadn't already hired a caterer.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'the nature of the advertising' - most advertisements make products seem much be [3]

I strongly agree with thisthe statement that advertisements do make products more attractive, and in that case, they really arouse the impulsive, or even irrational consumer behaviors.

I have several reasons to back up my views.

Initially, the essential reason concerning the nature of the advertising is that advertisers would make products seem more attractive than they really are.

Such as the ads for shampoo, advertisers will show the golden, shining hair to indicate the great effect, while in reality, shampoo will never make your hair so shiny.

This exaggerated effect usually leaves an unforgettable impression on potential consumers.

...as I heard the Iphone 4 was so unique and designed for people of my age, I could not help buying it.

Then I realized the problem of it having to be recharged every day since the battery could only sustain around 8 hours of power .

I was kind of frustrated and felt deceived somehow.---Good sentence!

Consequently, some advisers would make up some fake information on the products to arouse the impulsive consumer behaviors.

These dishonest behaviors should be seriously against the law.

I remember when my mom paid 3000 dollars for the SPA service because she saw the advertisement accidentally , unfortunately...

In conclusion, there are some downsides of the advertising industry that really disappoint the consumers since they feel somehow deceived after purchasing the products.

Therefore, a win-win situation is created.---With this, it seems you just wiped out all your previous argument!

:)

Book Reports / An essay about Neil Postman's book "Amusing ourselves to death" [2]

Imagine a world without Television media; what would the society be like?

In "Amusing Ourselves To Death" by Neil Postman, he explains how much of an impact entertainment has had on our lives, in ways we cannot even imagine.

In today's society, everything we watch has some sort of entertainment lurking behind it, and as we are so adapted to entertainment being in our lives , we aren't aware of the damages it's doing to ourselves .

A short attention span is one of many problems Television media has created; we now have access to hundreds of different channels with the touch of a button.

... discussions about a certain topics on Television news is too brief,...

:)

Undergraduate / 'Elder care' - Elaborate One of Your Extracurricular Activity [4]

Elder care had never been my concern until I became involved in an activity organized by the Guangzhou Volunteer Association to visit the widowed elders.

The living room was dark and humid, stuffed with an armchair and a muted TV.---This is a great sentence!

Greeting me, Ye stumbled to his feet and tried to hide himself into his overcoat due to coldness.

When asked about his family, Ye grabbed for a picture with his hands and introduced his daughter to me, showing a rare smile on his melancholic wrinkled face.

Though Ye's daughter visited him occasionally, he spent most of his time "looking at" TV and talking to himself.

Ye's case made me aware that elder care is indeed an inconvenient problem in our society, since getting old is a life stage that everyone goes through.

The only solution for us is to take good care of our aging parents, who have made so many sacrifices for us.

:)

Scholarship / "Why do you choose that major?" (In the field of Culture, Society and Media) [3]

Ever since junior high school, I have been interested in social science subjects and other things that deal with the arts.

Besides, I strongly believe that different classic works of art reflecting their origins, merits and traditions, differ from society to society.

Some classic novels I have read like Jane Eyre, The Thorn Birds, A tale of two cities,... represent people's ideas, beliefs and etiquette of their time - for instance, The Hunchback of Notre Dame portrays the Gothic architecture, one of which had the Notre Dame as the main theme.

Reading those kinds of novels makes me relaxed, hence if I find one suiting my taste, I often fill my spare time with it. Besides, if possible, I want to enrich my knowledge in the field of culture and languages, to know more about how they contribute to the society.

I am interested in knowing how the Media represents its culture and society, plus what its role is in this modern world. like us nowadays.

I have read that the Media studies may be drawn from traditions from both the social science and the humanities, but mostly its core is based on communication studies.

Good job on your essay! Have fun in school and good luck!

:D

Undergraduate / 'the nation's most renowned medical institution' - UF [3]

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me, but I knew it was horrible from the moment I felt this ridiculous compulsive nudging in my head that something was terribly wrong.

My family, friends, and brother were all disgusted in my inability to cope with mental alarms ringing in my head telling me every time somebody touched my head or pointed feet at me, "get them back, or something bad will happen."

I even began trying to diagnose myself, convincing myself that I had some sort or obsessive compulsive disorder, even though no professional help was sought.

I would then decided to proceed with the decision to want to be a neurologist, and have dedicated myself to doing what it takes to achieve my goal.

The fact that University of Florida has been reputed to have the nation's most renowned medical institutions is what drew me to strive towards getting accepted.

Most kids see what college they "end up with," but I like to think I am unique and have chosen my own destiny.

They'll be lucky to have you as a student! Have fun in school!

:)

Undergraduate / "Application influence, dreams, work experience, and mission" Syracuse Supplement [2]

The pamphlet introduced a variety of art-related majors which were offered by Syracuse, and I was immediately intrigued. It featured computer art, illustration, fashion design, and a variety of other areas, nearly all of which I was interested in.

I had found my perfect fit.
-----------------------------------------------------------

2.
The only person in the world that I dream to become is myself.---Beautiful answer!!

I dream to become self confident and a leader rather then a follower.

I dream of becoming a successful human being as well as a contributing member of society.

I dream of being satisfied with my life and living it to its fullest.

... a deeper meaning to my life and the world around me, that I will one day be able to say that I no longer dream of becoming myself, I already am.

-------------------------------------------------------
3.
I learned not only how to polish my artwork, but also how to follow close instructions of commissioners, and adhere to their preferences rather than my own .

:)

Undergraduate / 'Being adopted I have learned...' - the world I came from [2]

My adoptive parents were a couple from California who already had four kids, two of whom were also adopted.

Growing up, there were times when I wished I was not adopted, and took being loved and adopted for granted.

My family really has made me who I am today and have helped me realize what I want to be in the future, which is the chef/owner of my own restaurant.

And I also want to help families that are struggling financially by teaching them how to cook and run a restaurant; offer them jobs in my restaurant as well.

Being adopted I have learned it is not about the family you came from, but the family you were born into.---You have this backwards!!

Being adopted is nothing to be ashamed of , I am proud of it, I love sharing my story, and helping others understand what it is like to be adopted.

Nice! Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / "Silence; the stereotypical image of an Asian" - experience, risk [2]

I was a child of very few words.

I came to learn that people feared things that they didn't understand. ---This is so true!

They chose to remain in their own comfort zones, without stepping out to accept anything different. To diminish their own fears, my classmates bullied me.

If I was silent, they would find less ammunition with which to put me down.

...humiliate me for some entertainment when the teacher stepped out. After a few minutes of taking the abuse, I finally spoke.

Afterwards, I decided to put my new-found voice to use.

I made it a point to say a simple "hi" and "please" and " thank you" to everyone.

This is such a great story!! Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'bring me the EKG machine' - one of your activities [2]

I have learned so much by volunteering at the Murphy Medical Center.

During the summer of 11th grade, I had the opportunity to volunteer there.---Don't forget to leave a space after all punctuation, especially between sentences!

The chance to be in a hospital setting gave me a lot of exposure to the medical environment. T hroughout the 8 weeks, I was able to help by doing errands such as cleaning beds and medical equipment, t ransferring patients,delivering lab...

Though my time spent there was short,the patients and staff helped me learn a lot from this experience, helping me get a better perspective of the world of medicine.

:)

Undergraduate / Finding the one through a match maker- How did you first learn about St. Bona [6]

What a great idea for your essay! Thank you, thank you for not writing the typical boring essay, this is so good. It will stand out among the rest, showing you have a great sense of humor and are thoughtful and intelligent. Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / "women are not inferior" - India issue of importance to you... UT Austin [5]

Actually, I thought your essay was great. I was a little choked up, as I also lost my dad at a very young age and went through similar circumstances, including losing everyone on my dads side of the family. Also, if you are moving from India to Austin, Texas, it will be like going to another planet. That was why I said, 'have fun'. Sorry I offended you, you're a good writer and I think you'll do very well.

Undergraduate / 'competitions in Informatics and Physics' - i am applying to TSU from india [2]

My father was a colonel in the Indian army, and as his son, I have had the unique opportunity of traveling all over India.

This has not only bred a feeling of patriotism in me, but has also instilled an intense love of traveling.---It does seem as if there should be 2 'L's in traveling, but as English is a silly language, and confusing, alas, there is only one.

After completing my Grade XII examinations I went through career counseling, ---here again, one L---which directed me towards Computer Information Systems.

Since then I have come to realize that CIS is ideally suited to my interests and abilities as well as my skill set.

For my own enjoyment and leisure I spend my time listening to Western music, The Beatles are an all-time favorite , playing basketball, reading and trekking.

I hope that at Tarleton is a multi-cultural college and that it will help increase my exposure to new people and cultures.

Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / Choir is not just about singing (talent, quality) [4]

UpTo this day, I'm so grateful I decided to join my school's choir.

I rememberDuring my first choir championship,. At the time, there were a lot of fights between the members and even though I thought we sang quite well, we lost.

Since then, once a week we had a character building program, where we learned a lot about team work.

I myself learned how to tolerate others, how to see someone's difference as a positive thing, and how important team work is.

EvenWhen we sing, we inhale and exhale at the exact same time.

I'm very proud of my choir and my team mates, because we were able to unite our voices and push aside our differences and become the champion of the World Choir Championships in China.

I learned to work together with others, which helps me a lot now with my position as the president of the student body.

I learned to always try something new no matter how silly it seems , and with that character I'm able to join the regional dance finals and the national debate championship.

:)

Undergraduate / "envision myself excelling in everything I do" - Questbridge Autobiographical Essay [4]

Coke, Pepsi, or Dr. Pepper? Wait, Coke Zero, Diet Coke, or the classic Coke?---I like how you began your essay!

... it's so prevalent, in fact, that it can be taken for granted.

But while the freedom is always available, the reality is that for some, the options do not always accompany it.

It's a tough hypothetical question to consider, but it's an even tougher hypothetical to endure.

I could hardly find anything to fix in your essay, it's great! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / 'While spending weeks in the hospital after an accident' - Narrative for PA school [3]

I took a semester off from college following his accident, to focus on my purpose in life.

During that time, I was able to differentiatefigure out what matters most to me; people.

Every day ---This is a common mistake, but here, 'every' and 'day' are two words.--- is a chance to learn something new.

I believe this type of involvement allows a Physician Assistant how to build a relationship with the patient.

I love the fact that being a Physician Assistant would allow me to treat a wide range of ailments present in routine patients, so that the doctor can focus on more complex patients.

I will be empathetic; since, I understand the fear that illness or the unknown generates.

While volunteering at a local Good Shepherd clinic for the under served , I learned that I would prefer to work in a rural setting.

Because I myself have not been able to afford health insurance, ...

:)

Undergraduate / Intellectual Adventure with Block Plan - Colorado College supplemental essay [3]

Week one of the Local Ancient Civilizations course begins with preparation for an excursion to the Florissant National Monument, to give students a glimpse of the past.

At the park, the students are greeted by a park ranger, who explains the meaning...

He touches upon the subject of the mountains, but says he has run out of time for discussing them in depth.

The historian smiles and continues, and the class ends only at two in the afternoon.

There is another guest: an expert in the weaponry of the old ages.

That sounds like it was a lot of fun! Your essay is pretty great, well written and descriptive. Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / "women are not inferior" - India issue of importance to you... UT Austin [5]

... passed away.

... older than me, ...

Without our father, how ...

My uncle said that if she had had sons, ...

..., was the opposite and never ...

... women are successful at it .

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / My personal statement for a Ph.d in pharmacology. [2]

Last April, I told my husband and his parents that I had decided to go abroad and pursue a Ph.D. degree, which would take me five or six years to complete.

As a child, I dreamed of becoming a scientist; a dream borne out of being raised in an intellectual and well-educated family which shaped my personality and inclinations.

Most of the conversations between us were about my mother's illness.

Despite the rudimentary knowledge of depression I'd learned in my undergraduate studies, this disease...

... but it would actually allow me to aid society by improving the lives of people so that they can live longer and healthier, having more time to spend time with their loved ones.

Studying at a top university also allowed me to accumulate a strong background in research.

The only way to conquer it was do it repetitively.

I believe my experiences---No comma here.--- , would allow me to contribute to the diversity of your student roster.

They'll be very lucky to have you as a student.

:)

Undergraduate / The Malaria Test: Essay for Research Fellowship Position in Development [2]

They had arrived at Lusuntha clinic on the eastern border of Zambia earlier that morning; the child was spending her third day suffering from extreme diarrhea.

Throughout my Peace Corps service, I had gotten to know the family personally and saw members washing, playing and drawing water from the same low-lying stream that had become stagnate ---I'm pretty sure this should say 'stagnant', because of 'had become. (not positive though) with the dry season.

I knew malaria was a possibility, but so were a hundred others. ---This sentence is incomplete. A hundred other diseases maybe?

It seemed to me that the nurse had made her diagnosis too quickly, as if she knew what the child had before she even stepped into the room.

During the wet season, the recorded number of malaria cases rises dramatically.

This makes sense: mosquitoes carry the disease from person to person and they also breed in shallow pools of water.

So:More water means more mosquitoes and more mosquitoes means more malaria.

First, rains wash human excrement and other disease vectors from higher grounds into unprotected water sources - putting nearby villages at risk for cholera and other water borne diseases.

And while Zambia has established a policy inclusive of the rural community health...

This is a powerful essay. Good luck in all you do.

:)

Undergraduate / "if I am not going to a university to learn..." - College Entrance [2]

I am applying to Florida State University because I want to learn and also to challenge myself.

Throughout high school, I have been constantly trying to push myself in order to learn and better prepare myself for the future.

Although going to a small private high school most of my life held many limitations, I always took the most advanced courses that were available to me.

We were split up into groups where we created a mock business and were shown how to use things we learned in school and apply them to real life situations.

My love of learning is a characteristic that I highly value.---'learning' is not a characteristic!

:)

Writing Feedback / The young slave boy - Freedom (narrative) [3]

There he stood before me, with a soulless stare, being tugged along by my master on a leash.

Slowly, I started spending more time with Teito, and after tending to his wounds, I would sit by his bed until he fell asleep.

After a while, Teito too started opening up to me, and knowing that I could not speak, he was very patient when I tried to get my ideas across.

I did not know how he felt, killing his target which begged with eyes filled with terror upon looking at Teito, a young boy who would end the life of his unlucky target.

"Maria, what's a mother? I have never had one, but everyone else does, what is it?"

Brushing off is scar filled hand which grabbed my arm, I shook my head and exited the room.

His resolve was strong as he carried out his missions and training flawlessly, becoming one of the best combat slaves in his age group.

Four years had passed and Teito had finally gotten into military school.

I don't understand, if he was just a child, how could he be able to kill people? How could he be involved in combat, yet not escape the grasp of a girl? Other than these 2 things, I have to say you're an excellent writer, emotional, descriptive, and very interesting. Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'a first generation Chinese immigrant' - Rutger's Diversity Essay [2]

I am well aware that Rutgers contains a community of people who share the same cultural background, but my personal experiences are what differentiate me from those who appear similar.

My family owns a Chinese restaurant that is open twelve hours a day and even longer on weekends.

Although I don't necessarily work night and day, but that I do help my family organize the finances, review important documents, and pay off bills because my mother doesn't understand English very well.

After watching Youtube music video---Either a Youtube music video, or Youtube music videos .--- that incorporated very interesting hip hop dance moves, I was inspired to start dancing.

I started out with absolutely no idea about how to throw a disc, catch a disc, or even know how to run a play in the game of Ultimate Frisbee.

... help me learn more about different cultures and traditions that I haven't been appreciateexposed to yet. (?) It doesn't have to be 'exposed to', but 'appreciate' wasn't the right word.

Have fun in school!

:)

Grammar, Usage / To get correction of these sentences [11]

The speed and intensity of the sport have always enticed me. This is because there are 2 things, speed and intensity. If it were only one thing, it would be different; The intensity of the sport has always enticed me. I hope this makes sense!

:)

Graduate / Statement of Intent to Graduate Linguistics Program at University of Chicago [3]

I still ponder those same questions to this very day.

The UK faculty worked to foster my appreciation of the discipline and their individual areas of expertise, and I could not be happier to have had the opportunity to learn from them.

At UK a strong infrastructure for study abroad and multiple scholarships afforded me the opportunity to spend several semesters abroad studying and traveling abroad, experiences that deepened my understanding of multiple foreign languages and exposed me to different perspectives on language, culture, and nearly every other aspect of daily life through the prism of linguistic exchanges and interactions.---You are such an eloquent writer!

I hope to establish a new perspective on the semantic links between the genitive of negation and the intentional genitive.

Likewise, I want to analyze Mandarin verb stems and how they address aspect and scalarity.---Are you sure this is a word?

Linguists have determined that there are certain verbs in Mandarin that imply the attempt of an action, but require additional elements to indicate whether that action achieved its full execution.

In addition this issue promptsthere is the question as to how such features appear in other Chinese dialects, if Mandarin speakers from different regions of China have variation...

They'll be very lucky to have you as a student!

Undergraduate / "The political free thinkers community" - University of Michigan Supplement [3]

I belong to a community of what I like to call, "political free thinkers".

At the age when many of my peers are deciding, "I'm a Democrat", or "I'm a Republican, I decided that I don't support the Republicans or the Democrats.---YAY!!

In other words, we should avoid political parties.

And I firmly believe he was right.

Perhaps I am naive about how the world works, but I think that one of the the biggest mistakes people make is to align themselves with a party, and refuse to listen to the views of others.

To vote only for a Democrat or only for a Republican no matter who the candidate is, is something that I will never be able to understand. The party does not matter, the views of the individual matter.---I was involved in such an argument just last night, with a hateful windbag of a closed minded Republican. Thank you for being on my side! :)

My place in this community of "free thinkers" is as a member.

Excellent, and very well put. Good luck with school!

:)

Scholarship / 'I made the decision to change schools' - PERSONAL CHALLENGE ESSAY [3]

High school was a larger and much more complex environment than junior high, and I found the transition to be more difficult than I had imagined.

My friends who were once critical of those who would say or do anything to be accepted, were now saying and doing what they thought would get them accepted.

Before long, I was struggling in school and my grades began to slip.

...further behind in school and losing my true self all together or to transfer to a different high school, one with a reputation of being more socially welcoming but also more academically challenging.

I saw the opportunity in this difficult decision to start fresh and prove to myself that I had what it takes to be successful, and the decision turned out to be the right one .

After transferring high schools my grades gradually improved, and I've made Grand Honor Roll and Honor Roll.

I've also made many new friends who continue to have a positive influence on my life.

Excellent! Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / 'the first generation of immigrants from Russia' - College App Virginia Tech [2]

When we first arrived here eight years ago, both of us spoke noneither of us spoke any English.

In retrospect, however, this was what sparked my interest in higher learning. I had never intended to go to college, so imagine my shock when I found myself absorbed in the works of Freud, Heider, and Jung.

Now, however, I see that the world is my oyster,---This is great!--- and I intend to put all my dreams in motion and seize the immense opportunity that my mother has given me to succeed in life.

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / "research and physical therapy seminars" - PTCAS essay [3]

Originally, I had planned on becoming a dietician, due to my interest in physical activity and the desire to know how to maintain my level of fitness through what I feed my body and to pass that knowledge on to others.

The fact that the profession is more hands on and requires collaborating with therapists and patients alike, made it easy to switch my curriculum to a pre-physical therapy track.

During my time there I witnessed the mutually trusting relationship between patients and therapists along with the patient's gradual recovery, which is a humbling reward for both who put forth great effort and enthusiasm.

He looked proud and content at the progress he had made , as well as the therapist who helped him get there.---Do you mean that the therapist looked proud and content too?

It is also my goal to emphasize the importance of proper form and discipline in regards to any exercise, including treatment .---This sentence doesn't really make sense.

Lastly , I intend to present patients with the most current information that will aid in their...

:)

Undergraduate / 'my younger sister' - Common App. - Influential Person [2]

...mature years in high school, my sister has always been the one to help me through everything.

I've learned that whenever I go through a tough time, I should think of how blessed I am to have everything that I do have .

I've always taken my education very seriously, but my sister has influenced me to set my sights on a higher goal, and never settle for anything.

She reminds me that it won't help me or my future in any way, and that I have to power through in order to better myself.

It is the determination and willpower my sister exudes that keeps me going every day.

Your sister is very lucky to have you, too! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / The political and ethic father of the United States-Why George Washington University? [2]

The most important factor in me applying to the George Washington University is limited to two persons who are closely related to George Washington University.

I am hoping to obtain an admission in the field of Islamic Studies.

I am hoping to be a student of such an intellectual father.

Considering my familiarity with George Washington's personality and life, I name him "the political and ethical father of the United States" who was...

Undoubtedly, the soul of the father of such a land will help me to realize my dream at his university and will accept...

Educational and research facilities as well as students' cultural diversity are my other criteria for wanting to attend GWU, but the most important factor that it makes me to be a member of GW's family is Seyyed Hossein Nasr and George Washington.

Have fun and good luck!

:)