Holt Educational Consultant
Oct 27, 2016
Undergraduate / Opportunity is my main concern with choosing a school. FIT TRANSFER ADMISSIONS ESSAY - why FIT? [2]
Joanna, your essay is currently in need of revision in terms of content and chronology. You seem to also be more focused on your past academic experience rather than providing a more convincing and personalized response to the reasons why you chose to transfer to FIT. Don't put that information as almost a mere afterthought towards the bottom of the essay. It will be best if you present the information required in the same order as it is stated in the prompt requirements. That is because the reviewer expects to read the response in a clear manner, which the prompt is designed to assist them in doing.
Learn to use paragraphs in order to separate your discussions. Each paragraph should have a specific concentration for discussion. The rest of your personal information is relevant and provides a preliminary interview that works for your needs. However, the current format of the paper makes it stressful to read. In this current form, the reader tends to stop reading a few times, I know I found myself doing so, because the letters start to just become a huge pile of letters on the page. You are not writing an FB status update, nor are you Tweeting information. You have more than adequate word count in this instance, so there is no need to fit the information so closely on a single page. Give the reader's eyes a chance to breathe.
Joanna, your essay is currently in need of revision in terms of content and chronology. You seem to also be more focused on your past academic experience rather than providing a more convincing and personalized response to the reasons why you chose to transfer to FIT. Don't put that information as almost a mere afterthought towards the bottom of the essay. It will be best if you present the information required in the same order as it is stated in the prompt requirements. That is because the reviewer expects to read the response in a clear manner, which the prompt is designed to assist them in doing.
Learn to use paragraphs in order to separate your discussions. Each paragraph should have a specific concentration for discussion. The rest of your personal information is relevant and provides a preliminary interview that works for your needs. However, the current format of the paper makes it stressful to read. In this current form, the reader tends to stop reading a few times, I know I found myself doing so, because the letters start to just become a huge pile of letters on the page. You are not writing an FB status update, nor are you Tweeting information. You have more than adequate word count in this instance, so there is no need to fit the information so closely on a single page. Give the reader's eyes a chance to breathe.