Poetry / Thesis ideas for Comparing and Contrasting two poems [14]

There are 2 methods for doing a compare/contrast essay. Google this: compare, contrast, essay, alternating, opposing

If you are having trouble, the first thing to do is write a sentence about something... something about one of the poems. If you want, you can google the name of the poem with the word "analysis" and see what other scholars say. But write that sentence. Write anything you want to write.

Then, give, examples and some explanation, and soon it will become a whole paragraph.

Every paragraph starts with a "paragraph topic sentence."

:-) I hope that helps you!

Undergraduate / "mother's health problem and school activities" - admission letter [3]


Good call, Meeshal! I was going to say the same thing...

I spent a long time grieving. Today, I am at peace with myself. I am taking care of health concerns, an d I am not worried, anxious or restless.

I hired a retired international studies professor (hired him to do what... tutor you?).

This letter is very persuasive and well-written. I think you have a great style, and the tone of the letter reflects a very wise, focused personality. Good luck!! You are an excellent writer!

Writing Feedback / A decision should be popular with others [3]

People desire to make a good decision for their lives, but there are always many challenges that require another look to at their situation.------This is a nice sentence!

Moreover, feeling more satisfaction for a new decision requires it being to be more popular.
This is not a very important change... but you can use "requires it to be." Like this:
I have a new job, and it requires me to be a good communicator.

Everybody may feel happy while finding her or his decision is similar to another person's idea.

Finally, although making a decision is usually based on one's own belief, it is necessary for everybody to have consider other ideas about his or her decision.

It contributes to obtain the best result and more satisfaction which leads to a good progress.---I agree!! You did this very well.

Essays / Atonement: How will I pace out this essay question into reasonable topic sentences [4]

That depends on what "obviate" means, I guess!!
Okay, now that I googled the definition of that word, I guess she is saying the author cannot pretend that she is showing readers the inner workings of anyone's mind except her own! That is a cool idea.

So, how can you include it? How about mentioning it in the last sentence of at least 3 or 4 paragraphs in the essay. Whatever the paragraph is about, you can say something about how the quote is related to it.

It is a cool quote!

now google these terms: point of view, literary
and also: theme,literary

That might help! :-)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Essay Practice: People spend more and more time at their work place [8]

their shimmering and sometimes illusional illusory goals, unable to withdraw themselves from the predicament that in which less and less time can be spent together with their families and friends. ----Just a small change, not an important one.

Consequentially Consequently, more people choose to...

However, by sacrificing their personal time, some people eventually succeeded. They have scrambled to the pinnacle of their career, sitting on the hill of gold and trophies, only to find no one is willing to share the moment with them - they are all alone. "What happened?" they look down the path and ask themselves. ---Wow, this part is so beautifully written! Did you write it yourself?

Life is not all about achieving and accomplishing; it's probably about the time for some people to take a pause and share some quality time with their friends and families.

You are a talented writer!

Undergraduate / Internship - Family and Happiness -250 Word paragraph on "What Inspires Me?' [3]

Throughout is one word, not two.
That first sentence is not helpful:
There are a lot of different people and things that have inspired me though out life and while many of them have helped turn me into who I am today, there is One set of people who has have truly inspired me throughout my life: my parents.

See what I mean? (above). Be efficient. Do not include sentences that do not convey a meaningful idea. Look at this part:
They have demonstrated to me many different things that I will always have with me for the rest of my life. H that hard work is the first...---We can make it "move right along." :-)

Awesome, you did a great job with this...

Now, here I'll add a comma to the compound sentence: My parents used that hard work to go out and find something that they really enjoy doing, and to me being happy is the greatest paycheck in the world, because when you do something because you love you never work a day in your life. ---Do you see where I added a comma?

I think this must be a nice reward for your parents... this is their favorite essay! :-)

Writing Feedback / Students to take a variety of courses? - AW-No.1-随你-Education [3]

Great corrections, nini!! :-)

I'll give some other ideas:
When choosing what to learn in the university, more and more students would are taught to arrange their curricula in a way that is oriented to their majors.

However, education is not only a process only with pragmatic purpose. It should make...

University education, as a entity, could not be well performed only by just doing good in the as meaningful if students experience only courses associated with their major.-----I had to make some changes here, because it did not really make sense. :-)

In fact the areas of knowledge, seeming to be of no relationship in different areas, contributes to a profound understanding of each other. -----I agree!!

Plural: fields
Nevertheless, students who specialize will have advantages over those who just dabbled in many fields.

Great job!!

Book Reports / I need some ideas for an essay on A Thousand Splendid Suns; theme of oppression [3]

Great ideas, Angela! Does that help you, Sara? The trick is to get some unique angle on the theme. Your own angle. Take this opportunity to express your unique ideas that arise when reading this book.

And if you have trouble thinking of what to write, remember this:
One paragraph = one idea
And the main idea of the paragraph is expressed in the topic sentence at the beginning of the paragraph.

:-)

Undergraduate / Business field / Better Place / Improve Education - Application short response answer [5]

For number one... you did not really say anything! I mean, there is no story, no meaning. Can you share a possible story that might unfold? Can you think of details, like what kind of business you might try? You do not need to spend a whole sentence telling them you'll go on to seek an advanced degree; use every sentence wisely, powerfully.

working with "green" companies to help market more energy efficient products.----this is good, but I think you can go into greater detail! I think you can even read some relevant articles and get very specific about ideas for making a difference.

I like the approach you took for that third question!

Letters / Resignation letter (from SM Camaraza Enterprises Inc) [3]


I like this advice! That is a powerful way to communicate.

Grisbel, what is your intended outcome? That is always the question to ask. With anything you do, ask yourself what you want to cause. This is already well written, so if you want to improve it you have to go back to your purpose. Add a sentence that will get your desired result.

:-)

Essays / Bullying - argumentative essay introduction and conclusion revision [5]

Great ideas, here! And you know, cyberbullying is completely different from ordinary bullying. Someone can humiliate you with a message to 300 facebook friends, for example!

Hey, the word weather refers to rain and snow, etc. Use this word: whether.

BTW, your theme reminds me of the word PROACTIVE. I think it might be good to use that word and tell parents that the good strategy is to be proactive about protecting bullies and their victims before problems get out of hand.

:-)

Undergraduate / "Interested in medicine" - Personal Statement: your reasons for applying to course [4]

Maybe you should put it in " " marks so that the reader understands that it's what you called pediatricians when you were seven.

When I was seven, I told my grandfather that I was going to be a "baby doctor," and that dream has...

This is a great story! How about adding an intellectual dimension to it, though: a concept or treatment method that fascinates you, a particular kind of malady you want to specialize in treating, or some other concept that makes you stay up all night reading because it is so interesting. What are your special interests in "baby" medicine? :-) Can you recommend any interesting medical journal articles?

Scholarship / Lifetime struggles of an immigrant and how you overcame them (too negative?) [9]


Very cool, Melissa! About the difference... whether it is scholarship or admissions, the strategy is like this: Show that you have been doing a lot of planning and a lot of reading because you are so determined to achieve some interesting long term goal. And that means you have to set several short term goals.

Know what I mean? Put the pressure on them so that they know you are no ordinary student. You are a person with a plan.

Graduate / "perseverance and motivation" - SOP in Industrial Engineering for review [11]

Awesome, thanks Mike!

Writing Feedback / My family - relationships with dad, grandma, aunt. [6]


That is why I corrected them for you. So... now you know that the correct way is the way I wrote it in blue in the post above. So, if you practice typing it over and over you will learn the sentence forms.

And you can change the sentences like this:
After a while I moved in with my aunt because no one was helping me at home.
After a while I finished my work because no one was interrupting me.

Learn these sentences well, and you will be able to use them in a lot of ways.
:-)

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK-2 (some avoid changes and others believe changes are good) [4]

I think you need to add a sentence to introduce your main idea. That is the point of the introduction. Introduce your main idea for the essay.

This phenomenon later turns into fear, which prevents them from bring in change in their lives. On the other side, changes are considered good and raise question- "what our present would look like, if our ancestors' never thought of amending old constitution or inventing technology, on which our life heavily depends on today." Personally, I feel everyone should transform their lives because insecurity develops fear and stops many people from bringing in much needed change. Adequate change can benefit society.

Now that I put your conclusion at the end of the intro paragraph, you can write a new conclusion to replace it. :-)

Ha ha, do you know why I suggested that? It is so that you will have a full introduction with a thesis statement.

Writing Feedback / should a government focus its budget more on very young children education? [4]

You do not need to capitalize the word government:
The Government government has been more and more...

The object who it should support (This is unclear. What do you mean?) is now the hottest issue that everyone discusses.

Some people believe that the government should make more investments on in the education of children.

Okay, now I see what the introduction is trying to say. Let me suggest this sentence:
The way the government allocates its education funds is now the hottest issue that everyone discusses.

That will make your argument very clear. Hey, by the way, a lot of teachers would disagree and assert that early learning is most important. They would say it sets the foundation for the learning that would happen in the University. ;-)

Writing Feedback / A lower-paying job with shorter hours that would give you more vacation time [4]

Awesome, Jesus! Thanks so much for this work you did...

I see one more correction, and it involves the word "emphasize" here:
But something I need to emphasis emphasize is that they do it only for the money.

And here, I have another idea.
Then I will show you my reasons. Instead of saying that sentence, empty of meaning, you can do this:
My reasons include ______, _______, and _________.

Do you know what I mean? List the reasons in a sentence.

:-)

Writing Feedback / IELTS ESSAY: Children work for money varites from country to country. [4]

Great ideas, Sobin! And I want to take a look at the first sentence:

Concerning the issue of children participating in paid work, people hold different views. Some people believe ____________ (Give the statement) Personally, I firmly think that this statement is not totally correct, and will analyzed in the frame of the topic as follows.--------I added a sentence in the middle of the paragraph so that you will see where you need to give the statement. Right now, you are talking about a statement in the intro paragraph but the reader does not know what the statement is.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Grading students and test scores - are they benefitial for improving students? [3]

Many people think that getting high grades is not beneficial for improving the students lives because they have a lot of stress that comes from the pressure to get good scores. But in my point of view getting the scores is not a cause of stress. It is a cause of motivation, and it also helps them to get motivation for study more, achieve more success, and gain better job positions in the future.-----I made a lot of changes here. The sentences did not really make sense. I hope this seems okay to you.

You made some great arguments!

All in all, by noticing to all the advantages which I have mentioned above, it is easy to conclude that although generally taking exams and getting good scores is stressful for students, the advantages of getting it outweigh its disadvantages and can encourage the students to follow their educations with more motivation.---I made a lot of changes here, too. Practice typing it this way to get the good habits.

:-)

Dissertations / Suggestion for topic for Ph.D. related to Knowledge Management [8]

Thanks, Van Trung Thuc! This is not a subject I know well. Shilpa Vijay, I hope you find a lot of help here!

Search your library database with these key words: "Knowledge Management", engineering, "literature review."
Find a recent article with a Literature Review section and look at it's literature review. That is the way to catch up with the research being done in the field. Look at the lit reviews. :-)

Undergraduate / "What experiences have led you to consider medicine" - PLME ESSAY [10]


In order to accomplish this, you should be able to write about some way that it is different from some other program. It challenges you to get specific about exactly what makes you unique among candidates for this kind of program. It can be about your unique interests... your interests that are so well developed because of all the reading you do. This is what I think it missing. What makes it a good fit.

Use a semi-colon here: But I'm willing to take the plunge; I want to do it.-------I like that part!

I want my college experience to be academically unparalleled, filled with opportunities on a global scale, and amidst a group of diverse, motivated students who are excited to learn from each other.---wow, very impressive. You write well!

I want to live life to the fullest; to experience what I haven't, feel what I can only imagine. The soul wasn't born to die in vain, it was born to sail through the skies, travel far and wide, touch the farthest horizons. This is why I know, the PLME at brown would be the best start to my career.-----This is so nice, and I think the essay will be effective, but again, this does not make it a good fit. What is unique about the program, and what is unique about you? That sharp detail will make the essay more unique, too.

But seriously, it is already a winner!
:-)

Graduate / "commitment to excellence" - Letter of Motivation. Masters in Finance. [4]

Let's use "former" instead of ex:

...current and former students of your university and other universities, I am...

confident that I am choosing the right university and the right course. With many distinguished professors at your esteemed educational institution and the importance given to research, I am sure that the coming two years would be a transforming experience for me. This first paragraph is too general. You should give a memorable theme... a concept that the reader will associate with you. What is the theme of this letter? You should make it distinct by adding a line or two at the end... show what is unique about your plan or about your way of thinking about it.

Given my past history of commitment to excellence, I am confident that I will bring a high level of energy and enthusiasm to your program. I can assure to provide you with the promise to demonstrate top academic performance.

This is so impressive! If you want to improve it, tell the reader about some specific intellectual goals. What will you read, what will you research, and what will you try to achieve during your first year in the program. Show how much thought you have put into this.

:-)

Graduate / "raising the standard of living" statement of purpose-- Industrial engineering [4]

I think that first paragraph should have one more sentence added to it. Give it one more sentence to make the main idea of the essay completely clear in the reader's mind.


I think you can take out "I believe" and just start the sentence like this:
Industrial engineering studies...

But isn't that an obvious sentence? Of course this is what industrial engineering does. So... I do not think you should use the sentence to say what industrial engineering does. Use the sentence to say something specific about what you would like to accomplish as an industrial engineer.

The last two paragraphs are very professionally written, but they are vague. You say you hope they receive you favorably, but that is obvious... I am interested in this part: "With fruitful achievements, I will return to make my due contributions to my motherland, XXXX, whose industry is in urgent need of development." You should revise the ending of this essay so that it tells more about how you might contribute to society in your home country and also in the other countries you affect.

You have a very professional, impressive style!

Research Papers / Nha Trang-a coastal city, capital of Khanh Hoa province, is a excellent destination [4]

Hello there, it sounds like you are writing a compare & contrast paper about small families and big families.

Here is how to write a paragraph about a small family:
Write a sentence about advantages of living in a small family.
Write a sentence about the disadvantages of living in a small family.
Give an example to show what you mean.
Write one more sentence about small families.

Do the same for a large family, and you will have 2 body paragraphs. When you have finished writing them, go to the top and write an introduction paragraph.

Does that help? I hope I am giving you good advice... I'm not sure if I understand the topic correctly.

Writing Feedback / "the different types of fuels used to power the United States?" -Classification essay [3]

Hi Dawn, thanks for joining our community!

America's need for bigger, better and more has brought this country to make some hard decisions about energy. ---yeah, he is nitpicking when he says you cannot call it America!!! Wow, that really is nitpicking...

This one is 4easy to fix
Solar power is renewable as the sun shines nearly everyday. It is a good energy option because it is nearly limitless and available all over the United States. world.

you did a great job of discussing the advantages and disadvantages of each!

Whoops, typo: Using renewable energy will enhance the loves lives of Americans.

Well, call it the United States instead of calling it America so that he will be satisfied. :-) nice job!

Undergraduate / "To stay in the community and a higher education for my dream" UC DAVIS Waitlist [6]

Oh, I see!! Yes, I want you to do that, too, so that your future employers and colleagues can see the work you did here.

Go here and scroll down to the bottom to find the link: EssayForum Contributor Page.

Thanks, Turbina!

Book Reports / Haapy Hearts (good feelings should be stored in and bad feelings should be cleaned). [2]

"Together we knew in our hearts what we should remember, what we can forget." ---Is this really how it is written in the story? It seems like an awkward sentence.

With these words, Tan ended her story to teach readers great lessons about the heart; this small but glorious organ.----------It is okay to use the semi-colon, as you did.

Wise control of our feelings and emotions influences our behaviors positively. -I agree!!!

We are who the ones who decide whether...

The heart is the most important and greatest part of you, so keep it white and forgive your...

I like your idea!! Anthony DeMello wrote a story about a wise person who was robbed. The robber came back and apologized for the crime, and the wise man said, "I remember no crime." The robber could not understand how he forgot, and the wise man said, "I distinctly remember forgetting about it!"

Forgiveness...

:-)

Writing Feedback / My mother: Although she is not my whole life, she is still a big part in my heart. Important Person [2]

In my mind, one of the most important people is my mother.---Do you see the small change I made?

Use a comma:
My mother: my friend and advisor. She always said, "It doesn't...

Again, add a comma:
... help when you say it won't be easy," to teach me not to...

Spelling: collage major.----college major.

My mother is an energetic and strong woman who has given me the right direction of my life.---excellent sentence

She has a kindly heart to tolerate my mistakes, and she gives me endless love but asks for nothing in return.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: technology versus traditional skills and life [5]

Just for this case or likewise, In this case, it is not necessary to spend money to keep the undeveloped status.
good point!

Secondly, some of traditional skills and ways of life must be maintained as the symbols of human beings' culture, such as China's traditional ceramic industry and tea industry. Both of them are valuable parts of Chinese heritage as well as the splendid civilization achievements of humankind's wisdom on earth.---I made a few changes here.

:-) I like your ideas, Amy!

Writing Feedback / Toefl essay-In a team, those who do not accept others' criticism cannot succeed. [2]

Great job here... not many errors!

Think of a person who always convinces others that they are wrong and he is right. This will lead to arguments and resentment among his team.------I agree!!

If someone in on the team pointed out the disadvantages of his plan, he would get totally irritated and depressed. T---Wow, you have such well-written sentences!! I just changes in to on. Say "on the team" like this: "I was on the team."

In addition, criticism can help people develop a positive attitude when facing difficulties. ----I made a small change here.

You have a nice writing style!

Writing Feedback / Universities bear the responsibility of cultivating and developing interests of students. [4]

Wow, great intro paragraph. How about adding one more shore sentence to the end of it. Make it a small sentence that gets right to the point and clarifies your message. Make is a sentence of maybe 12 words. It will be nice to have a short sentence to follow those long ones and complete the intro.

As we know, his study of anatomy played an virtal vital role in his...

However, overemphasizing the importance of studying the courses outside one's interests may lead the students to neglect the knowledge in certain fields of study, and thereby cause them to have no capability and energy to engage any realm of employment or research work. ---I made some changes here...

Nice job!!

:-)

Writing Feedback / About sports and international intension. Patriotic emotions? [4]

That's a funny cat. Let me see what I think of this essay...

Even Albeit to a quite limited degree, I still cannot...

I think you used too many semi-colons in that first paragraph. End the sentence and start a new one! :-) Also, maybe you should add one more sentence at the end of it to make sure the reader understands the main idea/argument you are writing about.

During the period of season of European Football Champion, a piece of news I saw a news story about someone who was hurt or killed because of football violence. would not become an attracting news.

Obviously, we cannot expect the crazy fans at international sporting occasions help some to always send out their fever in a safe way.

If you say "in a word" specify the word with " " marks:
In a word, we must give the popular events a "proper" role in the international relationship. ----If you say "in a word" it has to refer to a particular word. :-)

Book Reports / A Comparison of Nietszche's Birth of Tragedy with Herman Hesse's Steppenwolf. [4]


You wrote this first para so well, and I especially like this last sentence. Yet, I have a little gripe with it... you said survive life and reach death, which is contradictory in a way that seems not quite right. Maybe it is not correct to say we are trying to reach death. Anyway, just an idea...

Both authors, German born, established identical dichotomies and looked towards their love for art and music as possible solutions to the seemingly unsolvable paradoxical equation of life. ----I think it is too random to say, in this sentence, that they were born in Germany. That is a distracting detail. It should be in a paragraph that covers something about their national heritage.

Oh, so this is going to be a lot longer... well, it is interesting so far! One idea for you: try to see what you message is you get from your analysis of these various authors. Try to write a sentence that expresses the main conclusion, the main message you are sharing with the reader as the result of your comparative analysis.

Scholarship / "either major or minor in music education" - Performing Arts Booster Scholarship [2]

What do you mean the strings remain forever! I play guitar and have to change my strings all the time. I wish they lasted forever...

:-)

My love for music started when I was three years old, and after many obstacles my "strings" remain intact. ----Oh, good idea, very clever.

I had my first opportunity to participate in a music program when I was in elementary school. There I auditioned for the CUSD Honor Orchestra and participated in the concerts. My love for music had just begun and I wanted to strengthen it. At MFMS I joined the orchestra and participated in the CUSD Honor Orchestra in both sixth and seventh. Seventh grade I moved up to the Advanced Orchestra. In eighth grade I was first chair first violin, which is the highest seat one can obtain. While I was in seventh and eighth grade I took opera classes outside of school to expand my musical Do not give the details and tell them which years you spent doing what. Give the reader only the info necessary to make your point.

Leave them some of their mental energy so that they will really notice this awesome part: After middle school I was afraid to continue with music, especially at SJHHS because there was no established music program. I was willing to take the risk, and----This part is so impressive, I almost wish you did not have any other distracting details. Just focus on this and other powerful ideas.

Outside of school I am in a mariachi band. After my third audition I still remain section leader of the group. It is a very time consuming after school activity due to practices and performances.---I like this part, too.

Scholarship / software engineering objectives study essay for a scholarship [3]

Capitalize Internet, because it is a proper noun, like a name.
... and basic things about the Internet and computers.----Do you see the small changes I made here?

I am trying to make them know teach them how to use the computers in their programs of study.

I think I have made some progresses in. progress.

It restrains me to put the prevents me from finding solutions for many problems.

Some solutions need require deep knowledge and background about...

Like in any country in the world, the demand of for computer engineering has become very important in this co untry recently.

This degree will qualify and spur me to get CCNP instructor certification and teaching teach in a Cisco lab in college.

Great, very impressive! You are obviously very knowledgeable.

Graduate / "program with a concentration in nonprofit" - MBA admissions essay - Needing help [5]

Looking good. Now that I see it again, I am unsure whether "in my realm" is the best way to end that paragraph. I like it, but I don't know if other readers will appreciate it as much. There are other words you could use to express this idea. This idea that you have found the realm where you thrive, found your calling -- this can be a great theme for the paper. Maybe you should lengthen that sentence and give the reader some unforgettable details about this experience of finding an environment in which you really thrive.

Also, you should go help some of the kids whose essays are on the unanswered list! :-) They can learn a lot from you, because your writing is more advanced.

Undergraduate / About my Mother - Describe a woman you admire and who has influenced your life. [3]

Wow, great job, Ramirez! We are lucky to have your participation. :-)

The person that has influenced my life is my mother because she is the one person that has always stood by my side, and always she encourages me to be the reach my full potential. ---I like the way Ramirez corrected it, too. But you must cut out "be the"... I think that was a typo.

This is well written, but if it is for admission you should use it as an opportunity to show how serious you are about your chosen field. You do not have to choose a field yet, but think of some career fields that interest you. Think of a detailed plan for college and tell how your mother influenced that plan. You can use this as an opportunity, because it gives you a chance to explain how your mother influenced the decision that makes you want to attend this school

Writing Feedback / "My friend is called Yuri, he is from Riga." - Describe a Person That You Know [4]

Great thread. Raimonds, if you have time to type it again, we can look to see if you still have any errors. Keep practicing!


No need to apologize! I'm glad you have errors, so we can help. :-) Thanks for joining our community... do you have any questions about those corrections?

Do this:
He is a 16 years old.
or
He is sixteen years old and lives in...
or
He is a sixteen year-old and lives in...

Very good sentence! -----> That's why he's a such a mature, great friend and awesome buddy.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Nowadays there are more opportunities for women than there were in the past [6]

Cool username, toxic!

The Modern times have witnessed profound ...

Do not say "a progress." Progress is not one thing. Use "example"
This, contrary to some ideas, is a positive example of progress in human society from my point of view.---I agree!

Plural: rights
In the second place, the revolution in females' rights has brought about many benefits not only to themselves but society as well. The financial burden of families, for instance, has decreased significantly with both the wives and the husbands working to earn money. What is more, women have the outstanding instinct to take up some careers that lie healthcare or human resource management due to their patience and elaboration (elaboration... not the right word. What is a better word here?)

Admittedly, such changes do lead to some negative results like an upward trend in the divorce rate or, under many circumstances, women find it difficult...

Nice job!! Thanks for participating :-)