Undergraduate / College Essay (what do i bring the the campus that will enrich, life eprirences, personality) [4]

- Some might say that it would be very devastating onto me...
- ...but withhaving them not pushingputting pressure on me..
- ...and not constantly on meconcern about grades...
- andT hat really pinned it in my head that my...
- ...that anybody in contact with me can tell right away.
- ...it looks like there's not oneisn't the most obvious bright side, I try...

Go for spreading positivity!!! This is one trait that the world need these days. There's always a bright side of things and staying positive draws that bright side to your doorstep. Nevertheless, optimism is the key to a happy and longer life, I once read an article from a survey that once a person is optimistic the positive energy just grows from within and spread to the people around them, creating a harmonious society.

Now, going back to your essay, I believe you can still elaborate and expand the topic and as a college essay, I feel like there should be a few more sentences to write.

Essays / Writing SOP without relevant work experience and 9 years after college graduation (BSc in geology) [5]

@tourmaline, I agree with @Icturn87, given the fact that the financial issue happened several years, it's not worth mentioning in the essay.
Plus the fact that you're working on it. what you have to include in your SOP are the following;

- your academic skills
- academic achievements
- work experience and expertise
- how did you manage to choose such a course
- where does this masters lead you
- when granted, what can you do to serve the institution and the community as a whole
- lastly, what personal and lifelong achievement will this masters mean to you

This are just a few guidelines that will hopefully help out in creating your SOP.
When you're done, I hope you will have time to post it here on EF so we can help you further.

Undergraduate / Empty state UCF personal statement, obstacle in personal or academic life [3]

- It atecreepsaton me as...
- ...feeling pathetic for pitying myselfand having self pity when others...
- I had no reason to not to want to live and be happy...

- My mother has always done everything she could on her own to ensure...
- WithArmed with determination I have defeated depression,...
- ...and createing a healthy, happy life for myself and my mother.

Depression as I had read and heard about it is a very significant and difficult state of mind, however, I believe that in every situation there's a solution.

You have a lot of people around you, people who love you and care about you, they mean well and they're ever ready to help. The least thing that you can do is to harm others and inflict negativity, so motivate yourself, as they said, "Happy thoughts", be with the people you love, write more, embrace life and live it the way you want it to be.

Research Papers / The Effects of Peer Review on Writing--Research Paper [3]

@Selena, I brush through your essay and upon doing so, I can say that it's made to perfection.
You were able to tackle a chronological order of all the elements of a research paper.
However, I'd like to see if I can still enhance it for you, I will do first thing first, the definition and the purpose of the study;

1.1 Definition of Peer Feedback
- ..."the use of learners as sources...
- ...normally taken on by a formally trained teacher,...
- He highlightshighlighted that learning is not an...

1.2 Purpose of Study
- ...how to improve students'(no need for a punctuation mark on the word "students) writing becomes..
- ...peer feedback possesses the strengthswhichthat promote writing ability.
- However, meanwhile,(redundant for this sentence) the weaknesses...

So far this is what I came up with, I'll get back to you for the next paragraphs and hopefully our fellow EF team members will help out too.

Undergraduate / "Let your life speak" - Tufts Supplement Essay about family, home, neighborhood, or community [8]

-Slowly, we started to...

- ...from the divorce manifested with in me.
- I started to become very angry atwith the world,..
-I wasn'tnot willing to accept my situation.
- ...but eventually I overcame itwas able to overcome this agony .

KUDOS!!! For being brave and courageous to face life's challenges.
You made a very moving essay out a not so fortunate event in your life, but hey, I believe before this event, there were good memories too, right?

I suggest writing about those precious moments too. It will also help you remember your parents the way they were and the way they will always be.

Going back, supplement essay's can be heart warming and mostly out of or personal experiences however I suggest that we should always be objective and remain true to the calling of the subject of the essay. Keep it up.

Graduate / Management and biology are fields that both seem to interest me equally. Admission for Biotechnology [2]

- The mother is the first and the best role...
- ...small can have power more, than a nuclear weapon.
- ..Biology at a higher level in IBDP.
- ...cycle inwith the girls...
- However Itit was...
- I also got the opportunity to write an paper...
- ...each semester we had a valuehave an additional value course,

- I wasam always more enthusiastic in my practical'spracticum and internship.
- Confidence is my biggest strength, one which...
- Our task was to maker( be careful of typo error) Jaipur's...

As I go along with your essay, I must say that your enthusiasm breaks thru your writing. I made a few corrections that may help.

Best of luck in this adventure that you are about to endure!!!

Undergraduate / "I've always wanted to keep a diary. " UVA Quirk Essay [3]

-...to daily scribble daily thruaway pages of my endless adventures.

- AndA s it turns out, Mia Thermopolis discovering...

- ButHowever even after my fifth attempt,..

- I will learn from my mistakes. And, I will smile at my..

- ...accomplishments. Butand cherish I will them both.

You are a very creative writer, you know what you want to write and you go for it. Don't worry about your words, play with them, the language rules?, they will fall into the right places, the best thing that you can do, read more, enjoy life and write about it.

It's your diary, it's your life, make it special.

Research Papers / Like the Phoenix: Heavy Metal's Inevitable Rebirth (Research Paper for English class, Rough Draft) [3]

Jared, at first, I actually thought you were writing about "metal", as an element, it took me a while to grasp that you were talking about "heavy metal music". I suggest you incorporate this in your title, to be specific and to state if that's not much to ask.

The reason I suggest this is that, if it's just "metal" a lot of people will think it's about the element metal and not much readers will be interested.

I'd like to tackle on your reflection.

Reflection

- As time passed( this is an ongoing action so it will take the present tense) in the class,
- this problem was carefully fixed, and is nowit's not so much a problem as it was before.
- WithIn my research paper,...
- ..another almost instantly aroserise to take its place,...

- The second issue was one concerning sentence conjun ctions.
- ...and learned to writingwrite with conjunctions...

- ...there must be fluiditya flow , control, discipline, and rationality.

Well, all I can say is, practice makes perfect!!! What I hope for you to do is to enjoy writing and be comfortable with it. Read a lot and write more, write anything you want, and everything will just fall into place.

Undergraduate / Leadership and no titles - What is my identity? [4]

- Individuals that do notwho doesn't have this...

- Some of the most popular leadership positions in high school havehas been in Student Council.
- Unfortunately, I had lost this election.
- ...I have always been involved in the various fundraising ideas...
- ...and events that the council heldhold .
- ...and I volunteered myself to overlook and ...

I must say, as I go thru your essay, it's indeed written well, what I don't understand if why would you write the first paragraph about yourself being not true to what you wrote. You definitely have leadership skills and taking your first paragraph in consideration, it doesn't really help your readers in believing what you wrote in the later part of the essay.

I don't say to delete the first paragraph but you might want to rephrase it and focus on your strength and capability as a leader and assuming a leadership role.

Undergraduate / "I am designing an "Operating System"." University Admission Essay - Commonapp Prompt [3]

@viet, I will tackle the first two paragraphs and will get back to you for the following ones;

- ..ButHowever they will feel more...

- That was my second class about using Power Point usage at school.
- ...quickly access to their needed programs in a hub.
- I flew in with my imagination...
- I meticulously noted down every function of each button...
- After class, I looked back at my design and fixed some defects.
- Then, I putI added some colors in my design.

There you have it, I believe you need to work on your linking verbs as this matters to make the sentence mean and send your message across.

Overall, it's written well. I will get back to you for the rest of the essay.

Scholarship / "My family loves food." I've gathered people to collect viable food. QUESTBRIDGE achievements essay [2]

- However, since I grew up with seven other siblings,...
-...every time my parents'(punctuation mark is not necessary on this word) came home...
- from the grocery store, a battle wasis signaled.
- ...of about 2 minutes;, I even remember distinctly..

- ...any viableedible food about to get thrown away..
- ...will get putbe placed into the box instead.
- ...could pick it up and drop it off at my city'sthe city hall..
- ..to give it to the homeless people there.

You have such a good heart and as we may not be able to save the world, the best thing is we are making our little effort to do something that matters and for greater welfare of the community.

Undergraduate / College life, campus food, research institution, technical school, reputation; Why Virginia - Top 5 [3]

- ButHowever, the food in the town cannot..
- ...topcompete with the great campus food,...
- Tech isThe institution also has the best...
- ---research institutionfacility in the state...
-ButT he biggest make or break...
- ...aspect of Virginia Tech is how it'sbeing a technical school.
- I am a die hard scientist and the fact it isthat it's a technical school...
- ...with national rankedranking academics is outstanding.

I hope my little remarks help. I actually believe that you can write more, however your essay is well written and a few more sentences will help enhance your application. The letter looks full and ready to be submitted and I hope my corrections help.

Dissertations / Dissertation on Rice Production and enviornment: Fertilizers, Pesticides use and good practices [3]

Well @ngalathi, as the name of this essay implies, a dissertation needs a lot of research and believe me your topic is a very interesting one.

I have a few guidelines that will hopefully enrich your research and come up with a well written dissertation;

- identify your topic
- know the meaning
- cite examples
- what is the positive effect of rice production to the community
- is there negative effect of rice production, if so, cite them
- what are the effect of fertilizers to the crops
- is there a perfect fertilizer?
- what are the good practices in dealing with fertilizers and pesticides
- where does the community yield more profit, in planting rice or shipping them to market place?

Lastly, what are the best substitute for rice in worst case scenarios.

We wish to see your draft, post it here on EF and we will help you further.

Undergraduate / Personal Statement for Houston Methodist Administrative Fellowship Program! [3]

- "(quotation mark is not necessary when starting an essay) Once during...
- Egypt and I was assigned to lead the team as I was the most senior.
- ...children younger than five years to give them the vaccine,...
- so we faced a lot of troublesissues and...

- Although I have been graduated with a medical degree,
- but I wasam passionate...
- This service has a great outcomes like reduction of inpatient...

- Given my past history of commitment and dedication to work,
- ...your expectations, because of bothdue to my academic and interpersonal skills.
- I will enrich the program by enabling fellows and coworkers...
- ...to benefit from mythis ambitious and open nature program .
- Furthermore, my international and cultural background and interdisciplinary(????, I understand that you want to play with words however "interdisciplinary" would mean "diverse" to most of your readers) education...

- will add more diversity to your administrative fellowship program.

There you have it, I hope the remarks I made help!!!
Best of luck!!!

Scholarship / Mathematics: from foe to friend - help refining my essay in order to intrigue my audience [3]

- A few years ago I would...

- ...yet I was willing to do whatever it tooktakes .
- ...I was going toshould excel in math class and...
- ...achieve an average of above 90%.
- I started going to office hours.(what is "office hours" is this a math group?)
- Office hours greatly helped me a great deal in accomplishing my...
- ...one on one tutorial from my Math teacher,...
- As we beganbegin going over..
- ...the equations that I needed to answer the questions.

@abby, you have a well written essay and KUDOS to you for loving numbers, that's not really one of my favorites yet I still strive to get even grades.

The corrections I made above is very minor, I hope you follow thru, pay attention on the use of verbs and tenses.

Writing Feedback / Men to share housework with women - topic idea [2]

@Wendy, first of all, here in EF we don't write an essay for you, we proof read and we enhance it.
It's good that you have a topic to write about, so here's some guidelines that hopefully will help out;

- what is gender equality
- how does gender equality affect household
- as a woman what household chore do you normally do
- knowing men, what do you think are they capable of doing when it comes to household chores
- leaving aside the work assignments what do you think is the best way to create harmonious relationship in the household.
Lastly, be objective and site examples.

Enjoy writing, post it here and we will help you further.

Undergraduate / For outsiders, learning local norms and rules of polite behavior is a process filled with pitfalls [2]

- Studying abroad forces one...
- ..my overseas study abroad experience in France gave...
- ...a store without havingfirstgreetedgreeting the store clerk,
- ...me was an incident in which, inwere I was in a rush while in a shop,
- I caused offense accidentally offense .
- ...that members of that culture implicitlyrespectively accept and understand.

As soon as I finished reading your essay, I felt like there's so much more that you can write about the topic however I wish that you review and enhance your vocabulary, you played with words that are not usually used in essays, which is good, but if you look at the role of a reader, we need to look up for the word so we get your message, this can be enriching as well as surprising. Good job.

Undergraduate / Obstacles... College application essay - critique before I send in. All amounts of critisim welcome [3]

- ...that one must be overcome in order to further one's self.
- ...dilemma with an intimacyin depth meaning that only they can understand.

- ...was the upmostutmost important revelation I had.
- I was facing something that was tangible,something that I could fix..
- ...and not be burdened bytroubled about .
- BecauseFor social anxiety is a burden.
- ...pounding against my rib c age,

Overall, I found a few grammar corrections and I did so, I hope you follow thru in this essay.
Not to mention, you need to gather your ideas, draft it then go on writing it. I hope my help means to you.

Undergraduate / Improving social skills in a large city - why i chose to apply to UCF [3]

- ..has many majors too choose from,..
-it is located in the big city of Orlando,...
- and has a large variety of clubs and sororities for extra curricular activities .
- AsFor someone who has grown up in a small town,...
- ..with a population of a merely 12,000 people,...
- ...world and live in a different largebig cities across the country.
- When I touredhad the chance to visit UCF over...
- ...even though I am undecided inwith my major..
- I know UCF has many branches of schoolingstudy for any field I decide to pursue my career in .
- I am very confident thatof my ultimate decision...

I agree with @ap759, your application essay is written well. You were able to clearly associate your interest with the institution to your pursuit of a brighter future.

Keep it up and the best of luck!!!

Graduate / Parents do what they saw and learned from their parents [5]

- ...their education wayhow they teach education might be wrong...
- ...because they'rearen't educatednot licensed to be a teacher.
- ...trying to behaved( it's an ongoing action that's why it takes the present tense) all kids...
- ...care howabout their personality and emotions...
- ..they should have careteach differently to the each other
- The kids are trying to copyimitate whatever their parents do..
- so in a big family, every member of family have a big responsibility...
- about that because kids are copy whoever they see bigon nurturing each other and behaving gracefully ,
- it's a natural thingtrait because...
- the people who bigger than the kid is survive long enough to get big.
- ...they choose the wrong path, ..
- parent's wont let them choose the bad side and..

- Parents are the first and
- the best teacher, they teach us how to walk,speak..
-...and good manners before we reachconquer ''The real world''

Well, after going thru your essay, I say you need a lot more practice. Keep writing.

Undergraduate / 'Keep running' - A common application essay 100 words critique [3]

- I would like further my lifetime ambition...
- ...toand just keep running.
- ...their support ensuringensures that I remain steadfast.

I believe your essay is written well, I understand that this essay is bound for word count and this limited your ideas
however, I know that you will still be able to make a few good sentences.

Some guidelines for you.
- remember your linking verbs as they make up the sentences
- know your language skills
- in an application essay, you should also include your capacity to help and contribute to the community
more so to the institution

I hope you make it.

Letters / Spanish language is my passion. Letter of motivation for internship opportunity [3]

- At this time( this phrase is not necessary) I am pursuing my Bachelor's degree...
- During my degree I have had the opportunity...
- to improve my knowledge about chineseChinese ( remember, it is very important to capitalize the first letter of each word when referring to a country or the citizen of the country) language and...

- culture thanks to a schoolarshipwhich I didattended until last December.

- My passion for spanishSpanish language as well..

- Allow me to express my interest in taking part inof this internship...

- As requested I am enclosingAttached is my resume along with writing sample.

Kindly find the remarks above, I hope it helps.

Graduate / Dwelling into cities can reveal important characteristics of a society that inhabited there [4]

- ...the thinking of the people living therehere .
- I toodefinitely agree with the...
- ...point that to get a dipperdeeper ( I wish you mean "deeper") insight...

- One can understand about India by merely...
- ...prominent here, (don't forget your punctuation marks) people are..
- ...always in a hurry from morning till night.
- So one can consider that people offrom India are hard working people .
- The local train which completely cover complete Mumbai is ...
- ...running form early in the morning to late...

SoF inally I would like to conclude..

There you have it a few remarks and guidelines from me, I hope it helps.

Undergraduate / I've been invited to a charity TV show where I saw the embarrassments and tears in children's eyes [4]

@underga801, the prompt below;

- Reflect on a time when you challenged a belief or idea. What prompted you to act?

I believe you were able to elaborate your idea on the given prompt, you displayed a fair and objective writing.
I just have a few reminders for you, for reference;
- know your prompt
- do your research
- make sure to review your language rules
- make your message known and sound all through out your article
- be fair and objective
- enjoy writing
- read more and enhance your vocabulary

Best of all, own your article!!!

Poetry / Poverty poem. Humanity, where is your personality? [3]

1st stanza
- Because that's what we have placed onin our DNA.
- Which I believehas left us in despair without care,
- With the words that are un spoken.

Last stanza

- The world is begging us to see, so, stop supporting fame
- And stop playing thatthe killing game,
- Why don'tcan't we gain?
- ...its a voice attracting our brains that's why

Honestly, I'm never entertained reading poems before but your's made me realize that poems has voice too.
I hope the minor corrections I made help.

Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Should we trust and accept common sense, or be skeptical of it? [3]

- Many timesOver time in history,
- ThroughT rusting their basic senses,

-ByIn rejecting common sense,

- common sense must be a keystone of our lifestyleslives .

There you have it, not much to correct as you have written a good essay, however I suggest that you practice writing more as it enhances your skills in the English language. Indeed, common sense is like warning from what negative outcome that might come along and we have to really pay attention. For over 30years of my existence, I've learned that common sense is the voice that one should listen to in order to advance in life.

Now, going back to your essay, I know SAT is quiet difficult however, I believe that your essay has a potential and I wish you the best of luck.

Undergraduate / Freshman prompt on how my world has formed me - UC application essay. [2]

- ...it is one that boundsbinds me into...
- My community castshas ( you've used "casts" in the beginning of the essay, avoid using them again ) a diverse.... - similarity;we all encounter the pressures of from expectations.

- In the world we live in, competition is universal,...
- The never ending race to be superior traces its origins...
- The large massesnumber of businessmen( "businessmen" is one word) and...
- ...my town institute an unspoken merit we must achieve and live by.
- ...can often be a burdensomechore, cultivated from the social demeanor of our surroundings.

Well, I myself has great expectations, but I don't let anyone impose those expectations but myself, I aim higher, my goals are bigger and brighter everyday and as soon as I accomplish one, I never stop dreaming, I never stop caring and I never stop loving, I do this not for anyone but more so for myself.

You made a good essay and I hope my remarks help, best of luck for your bright future!!!

Undergraduate / What Luther King suggested in his quote? Critical thinking is a central goal of Jesuit education. [3]

- For instance,O ne of the words is how to...
- ForOne example,...

- When we speaktalk about English,...
-...we should know that this language is made up from ..
- of different languages in the world.
- As a result of that , problems will be occurringarise more...
- For example, the word "cat" as we pronounce the word we say "Kat" With K-sound on it.
- This example is one of many examples .
- Another exampleone would be...

- Technology and programs existence,advancement to make life easier and speed up, the..
-...efficiency to produce more in thevaluable and effective education filed .
- The world is evolving with the world ofas man should evolve .

Notes:
- widen your vocabulary to avoid using the same phrase throughout your essay, e.g."for example"

Speeches / Help me correct my introduction for my speech class about myself [4]

- As for myIn my family,...
- I have just one Sister...
- ...and she is a registered nurse at a Memorial Hermann Southwest Hospital.
- ... andas for my mother,..

- I don't like horror movies or gorescary ones at all...

- And forWith regards to my future,...

- As forFor now,..
- I'm being my true to my self with the values,...

Well done!!! I hope my corrections help.

Undergraduate / Describe a conflict in your life and the skills and resources you used to resolve it. [5]

Well, @abby, please don't call yourself an idiot because there's no such thing. We all make mistakes and everyday is a new learning day so we keep on evolving ourselves and learn from our mistakes.

Now, with your prompt, I have few guidelines that may help;

PROMPT: Describe a circumstance, obstacle or conflict in your life, and the skills and resources you used to resolve it. Did it change you? If so, how?

- cite an example were you had a little challenge
- how did this conflict came about
- was there a quick remedy
- did this quick remedy help resolve the issue
- if not, what are the steps that you are taking to resolve the issue
- do you think this resolution has life- long effect
- what will be the result of this conflict

There you have it.
When you have your draft, post it here on EF and we will be here to help you further.

Research Papers / Staying Analog in a Digital World (Eng102 Research Paper) [4]

- Now to closeIn conclusion , I'm all for these advances we've had in the society.
- In many great ways, they've helped change our lives in ways that are for the betterfor greater good .
- ...and common sense to not to let these tools become the way we define ourselves.
- ...everybody physically involved in the office involved .
- AndMore so, no digitally placed smiley face can change..
- ...the actual feeling you will get by making someone's...

Honestly, I've never read such a very interesting article on technology ever.
You definitely nailed it!!! I tackled the last part of your paper as EF contributor did the previous ones,
I didn't really expect that you would come up with a technology based paper that will talk about life's pleasures too.
All I can say is that, I hope my little work helps.

Letters / I need HUMOR; roommate letter / 'No curfew!' / CIA mission - Stanford Essay [5]

@krobledo, I'd like to work on option 2, I hope it helps.

Option 2)
No curfew!

- I do notdon't ( you can merge this two words as..
- ...they will sound better that way) mind you sleeping in late...
- ..or early just be in the dorm so I know you are therehere .

- ...my outfit for the next day onin the hanger,...

Well, there's not much to work on as you have written avery good and humorous essay, very entertaining, detailed and very much elaborated.
I understand guidelines should be followed but more so is respect to each others, giving space when they need it and of course laugh your heart out.

Make friends and create memories, that's one of the best things I did in college and I know you will do to.
Cheers to college...Cheers to life!!!!

Undergraduate / 'Who do you want to be' - My answers would vary daily, from baker to ballerina [6]

- ...every child is asked a countless amount of times.
- ...have to make when college camecome around.
- At a young age I learned at a young age a strict work ethic,..

- I insisted on taking on the most vigorous classes my school offered.
- ...it was one of the best experiences...
- ...taught the basic runningsrun-ins of a practice.
- Throughout it all,..
- ...that led me to the University of Texas atin Austin.
- I know this schoolinstitution will giveprovide me the most..
- ...properguidance and prestige education to further my goals.
- With theThe help of my past schoolwork and all my experiences,
-...follow in my parent's footsteps,...

Way to go doctor!!! I hope my little help matters.

Undergraduate / New classes, new school. I was finally a "big kid" in my eyes. ApplyTexas collegiate essay prompt A. [4]

@Castro, well done dear!!! You've got one good essay here and it's entertaining as well as classy.
I'd like to share my thoughts too;

- ...we got on a plane to our unknown futures .

- Because theThe classes were so close knit,..
- I've always been sociable,...I've always been sociable, it's why I took the job I have now at Hollister, I enjoy meeting and working with new people.( I believe you had this sentence used already and this may be just typo but it can be critical,so be careful)

- I sawlearned that regardless of culture...
- ...with the friendships I grewbuilt there,..
- ...afterwhen it ended I could not have been happier to have had the experience.

Well, being different has it's perks too!!! The best thing you can get out of this is the experience.
Experience that will be with you for as long as it shall.

Undergraduate / Growing up in Africa can be both a challenge and a blessing. College Admission Essay [4]

- ...being told we were able to go tovisit the computer...
- You go to a certain classes once or twice a week,
- To use the computer, we would normallyOutside of school, you would go to a..
- ...computer placeshop and pay for how manythe hours..
- ...you want to be at a computerspent .
- The excitement that every kid had made...
- ....the teachers laugh butand I still remember it till this day.
- ..I know what it's like to not to have certain..

Very true, I love your essay, it's from the heart full of feelings and emotions.
The USA is indeed a land of opportunity but hey, when there's too much opportunity for people who don't value them,
a blink of an eye and it will all be gone.

Going back to your essay, please don't forget your linking verbs as I noticed that this is where you need to work on.

Undergraduate / I've been invited to a charity TV show where I saw the embarrassments and tears in children's eyes [4]

Hi, as I go thru your essay, I believe the first 3 paragraphs is crucial. I'd like to share my thoughts;

- I would notdidn't think beneficence be athat a benefit show would hurt...

- I could not sit there indifferentlyand do nothing .
- ...hesitated in afraid ofI was afraid that my straightforwardness..
-...wouldmight hurt them again.
- ...TV station forto stopping the recording...

- Program makerProducers need topics...
- ...and selling points mostly ,...
- ...but should they ever consider a program in such way that they would hurt those children?
- ...picture of children holding the money in their hand when receivedreceiving the donation.
- ThatThis urged me to do something for thosethis rural children.

Hopefully the remarks I made help you.

Essays / Getting ready for an inclass essay about the militarization of police. [2]

@marts, indeed it is easier to write an essay than just outlining it, however since you have a topic it should be fine to outline the essay.

I have a few guideline that might help.

- What is the mission and vision of the police force
- what is the process of militarization in the police force
- why is this process essential
- what is the reason behind this process
- is this process necessary?
- how will the equipment help in enforcing police power and effectivity
- should this process be successful, will it sustain the force
- looking back, what will be the changes if the militarization is implemented
- finally, include your opinion on the subject

I think the above guidelines should be able to help out in outlining your topic, when writing, stay objective, know your facts and stick to it, your opinion matters too so make it sound and be heard.

Essays / Help regarding Comparative analysis research work flow + field is cryptography [2]

@RDt, as the type of your article implies, a research paper needs a lot of researching to do.
Long hours of reading and making sure that you get the facts, figures and incorporate your own opinion to conclude the research.
Here's a few guidelines for you;

- define the words you use
- what is the purpose of your research
- form a concrete idea
- gather research materials, citation, works of renowned people in the field
- crate your comparative paragraph with the focus on the differences in the definition, process and importance
- how does this research affect our daily life or did it make a history in the making?
- as I mention, know your facts, figures and analytical input
- Conclude your research with a touch of your own opinion on the matter

There you have it, a little help from my side, I hope you can come up with a good essay.
Draft it and post it here on EF so we can help you further.

Scholarship / I support myself with part time job, have habit of donating blood regularly. Scholarship essay [4]

@pinky, to write a scholarship essay is already tasking and with the borderline of 100 words, it makes it more challenging.
However, I believe the prompt, "tell us why you should receive scholarship", should give you a guideline.
So, we try to dissect your essay;

- I camehale from a low-incomeless fortunate family,..
- ...my familythey have sacrificed so much...
- ..to ensure that I can get a good education,
- ..I am still in financial burdenfinancially unable to suffice my needs , and this is...
- just one of the reason why I apply for scholarship.to pay for my costly tuition fees.
- I believe that I am qualified to apply this scholarship, beside my academic accomplishment will qualify me as a recipient of the program ,..
- I have also involved in otheractively participate in extra curricular activities,as well, I have participated
-the National Service program..
- ...which shapedhonedup me to become an independent person.
- Not only this,I have habit ofAmong the priorities I make is donating blood on a regular...
- ...basis which is my own way to contribute forto the community.
- I believe this scholarship can motivate me to reachgrant me a higher academic excellence..
- ...and becamebecome a successful person.

@pinky, I haven't really check the word count, I leave it up to you and I hope the remarks I made help and I wish you the best of luck!!!

Graduate / Responsibilities of educational institutions in regard to their students. Preparing to GRE [6]

@sid, I would rate your article at 4.5 on GRE.

Reason being:

- you did what is asked of your article
- elaborated the facts
- winged out analytic comparison
- cite examples
- made sure that the rule of the language is taken into consideration
- mapped out the dynamics of educational institutions

Last but not the least, I can tell that you enjoyed writing this piece and making your opinion known as well as sending your message to your readers.