Letters / 'I hope my dream-study in America will come true'. How to introduce myself in this letter? [4]

Natalii, I agree with EF_Kevin, your English is good but not perfect which is absolutely fine because everyday is a chance to be good and hopefully perfect the language.

Let's disect your essay;

- iI ( make sure that you capitalize "I" regardless of how you use it ) go to the
- number 1 public school #1( avoid using symbols and abbreviations in your essay unless instructed to) ,
- iI am in the 11th grade .
- iI study very well, especially i am good at history
- because that's my favorite subjectand I'm good at it .
- iI am always trying to do my best
- and reach tomy goals ,
- for now my dream is to study in the United States of America
- and that's why i amI'm writing this letter.
- i amI'm trying to improve...
- ...most important thing in the life is education
- so i want to get a really good education ,
- for this i need to go in Americathe US .
- If i will get in Americamake it to the US i will see
- how does american family liveliving is ,
- what kind of tradition does they have,

As what they say, "If you can dream it, you can make it", so believe in yourself and and work hard in reaching your goals. Practice more and read a lot.

Undergraduate / Valuing things that requred hard word - Write an essay on the following prompt. [2]

- Valuing things that requredrequires hard wordwork ( be careful of your spelling)
- Earlier I used to wonder how good life would...
- ...all those objectsmaterial things I received as gifts or all those things
- that I got without any hard work just gave me temporary satisfaction be cause after
- And then I realizedRealizing how important all the negative aspects of life
- are be cause if sadness wouldn't have been there
- we couldwould have never realized the true meaning of happiness ,

I hope the above remarks help, just be careful of your spelling and the usage of words, it sounds as if you have scarcity of words that you use the same words all through out the essay.

Overall, it's a very well written essay.

Graduate / A Postcolonial feminist reading on Jean Rhys' Wide Sargasso Sea [2]

Mafiislam, I notice a few points that you might want to consider;

- word usage, you tend to use the same words to start your paragraph.
* However, the Dominican...( Using "however" in this paragraph is good but it should not be use in the next following paragraphs)
* However, aA ( you can omit "however " completely ) larger portion of the male citizens of Bangladesh..
* HoweverOn the other hand , the Westerners disdain...
* However, Islamist fundamentalism is one of the main reasons...

Conclusion
- They are deprived fromof the basic rights both..
- From the birthday they were bornto the"till death...
- ...violence against women but thosethey are not sufficient.
- People have to be more conscious to reduce let alone abolish the oppression against women.
- Also the womenWomen have to be more educated as well
- as self-reliant in order to change their current poor situation.

I hope the remarks I made helps.

Undergraduate / Troubles in a middle school and how to deal with them - USAFA Writing Sample [2]

- ..I begunbegan to associate with the troublemakers..
- My counselor sat me down and(this is unnecessary) was very honest with me,
- ...what I had said earlier for school record.
- Every few days or so I ponder what would've happened hadif I continued...
- I learned a valuable lesson that is timeless.

Very well written and learning such values at a very young age means you will be better citizen than most people.
This lessons is something to ponder on in our lifetime and it is definitely for greater good.

Undergraduate / 'To thine own self be untrue' - Common App Prompt #2 [3]

Kingdraco, let me work on the area of the essay were you need help the most;

- I changed my hairstyle to the way I liked it,
- I bought a new assortment of clotheswhole new wardrobe ,
- worked out to bewith more comfortable withfit for my body,
- and changed almost everything about meI turned a whole 360 degree angle in reinventing myself .
- On that first fatefulThat very first day of high school,
- I felt truly myselfvery good about myself, such a relief, I am myself again .
- I felt truly happy, and I have been ever since.

Reading thru your essay made me feel so happy, now that you found yourself, the person you really want to be, is the most rewarding thing you can ever do in this lifetime. Be yourself and never let anyone rule your life, let go of any insecurities, it will never do any good. Live life the way you want it, the way you love it and the way you see yourself into.

Grammar, Usage / What do DEADLY SILENCE usually indicate? Read Between the Lines. [3]

Samuel, the "deadly silence" has a lot of meaning, often negative however interesting to write.
I have a few sentences that may spark in your writing;

"Deadly silence", something strange, scary and often connotes negative activities brewing in the mind of a rather peaceful being. An act to conceal a deadly and inhumane aspirations towards it's target. However, "deadly silence" can also mean the shout of justice, justice that lies in the hands of people who doesn't trust the justice system anymore, people who lost hope, people who got tired of listening to false testimonies and waiting in vain for the much awaited justice. Yes, it can be regarded as "karma", some sort of belief, belief that is strengthened by that spirit and willingness to let that "deadly silence" within them.

There you have it, a few sentences from my end, I hope you follow thru and always remember to be objective in your writing.

Undergraduate / Riverbend Retreat Camp - Apply Texas B, "Describe a conflict, how you resolved it?" [2]

- This has made getting..
- The most frustrating situation at the camp for me was when
- ...one of our counselor's for her words of wisdom.
- Our adults in lifeAdults can sometimes be the..
- most valuable resources that we take for granted.
- I asked Shelby isif we could speak privately.
- This friction between Shelby and I was soothed by theresolved with a heart-to-heart talk that we had shared.
- I am grateful that I asked our adultsenior counselor for her...
- I certainly know certainly that Shelby and I

It seems to me that this weekend turned out very well, you have learned valuable lessons in life that will help you become a better person than you are now.

Undergraduate / Thoughts per day - my personal essay describes me and shows my uniqueness [3]

1st paragraph
- ...was a cycle of never ending thoughts;, (be mindful of your punctuation marks) thoughts
- In SurroundingsThe surrounding that I had never been capable

2nd paragraph
- ...understood that thoughts were a constant cycle of ideas
- ...interrupt my thoughts process was an eye opener.
- That simple realization was a momentousspectacular moment..

Last paragraph
- Even though analytic and reasoning are still true passions of mine,
- that seemlyseemingly small pause altered my perception
- ...it is equally significant to not to ignore the answers...
- ...but there will be rarelybe solutions just waiting to be heard.

Indeed, thoughts are constant mind creations that we are suppose to wander about but not to the point that will drive you crazy.

Research Papers / Benefits of Preschool Prior to Kindergarten [2]

Here are my points;

- Citations are made to cite a study, proof of fact and should be supported by page numbers and the likes, make sure that you include all of this information.

3rd paragraph
- ...to make sure it meets athe child's needs is also just as important.
- ...indoor and outdoor playrecreational equipment,
- The classroom should have a set of curriculum..
- ...that the chosen preschool chosen uses various...

2nd to the last paragraph
- ...preschool is to see the results after kindergarten stage of how children
-...bias study shouldwill show parents
- This again is justyet anothermore information

Last paragraph
- ...should look into the various amounts of information...
- and interactions with other kids maybeand preschool isn'tmay not be needed for that one child.
- ByIn doing such actionthis they will
- realize that preschool sets in motion valuable...

I hope the above remarks help.

Research Papers / 'Research paper topic' - Writing a process paragraph [3]

To add to @Icturn87, I have a few remarks below;

- ChoosingTo choose a topic for a research
- ..but sometimes it is complicated for the beginners.
- ...the topic is newshould be precise and unique,
- and the topic should fulfills the class requirement.
- Then, keeping the topic original necessitatesis necessary to avoid the same writings.
- ...and friends will assistssuffice to obtain the great ideas.

Few additional remarks for you and indeed, writing a research paper is a little bit challenging, there are a lot of things to consider.
I believe an extensive research about the topic is a must, one more thing to consider is plagiarism, make sure that what you do is original and you stay true to the purpose of the research.

Essays / How to write a common app / essay about faith and religious topics? [5]

@pjb, there is definitely a lot of topics to write about experiences and beliefs and to start one will definitely lead you to other ideas that surrounds the original topic. Here are a few points I would like you to consider before starting to write;

- know your topic
- do an extensive research
- know your facts
- be objective
- site examples
- differentiate angles and comparison
- know the limit and the extent of what to share and what not to
- remain true to your idea

Lastly, enjoy writing your essay, give it your heart and your knowledge.

Undergraduate / Why Georgia Tech? - scientific skills further development, legion of extracurricular activities [3]

- ...problems easily and thus, enhance my
-ThoughBesides the fact that I am member of a science community...
- I believe my scientific skills will be pushed to the limittested at Georgia Tech.
- Moreover, as an enthusiast of debatingdebate activities at my school,
- the diverse student bodies provide a legion of extracurricular activities,
- which will givegave me the
- Therefore, I am interested in the opportunity to study at Georgia Tech.

Few remarks that can hopefully help and I hope you can still add a few more sentences into this essay.
I know you can still write more.

Undergraduate / Indonesian student in SANTA CLARA UNIVERSITY: CommonApp Questions [3]

Proof reading;

1. Briefly describe how you learned about Santa Clara University. (150 words maximum)
- I want to remain associatingassociated with a diverse community,
- which is an additional element that assisted incompleted my discovery of SCU.
-...and diversity - excitingit excites me to embrace my potential new home.

2. Santa Clara University's strategic vision promises to educate citizens and leaders of competence, conscience, and compassion and cultivate knowledge and faith to build a more humane, just, and sustainable world. What aspect of SCU's strategic vision appeals to you? Why? (between 150 - 300 words)

- ...and speak English, it is probablethere is a probability that they..
- ...difference between the two social classes; education "education" and ???, because you said two social classes) .
- ...at a disadvantage inwith regards to the quality because of their social status.
- I believe that the key for a decline in poverty in Indonesia is a supreme education
- for not only for the well-off districts,

Basic and minor remarks only.

Undergraduate / The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later succes. Common application, Apply Texas [4]

@RithamB, since you ask for the conclusion to be polished, I'll work on that, rest assured that I read the whole essay with the focus on the conclusion;

- Overcoming this fear and apprehension was really the greatest obstacle I had to overcomereward .
- ...and perseverance manifold ,
- as seeing the effort these people took in doing simple daily tasks
- really inspired me to aspire and strive higher .

I suggest the following sentences;
I believe overcoming this fear made me more of who I want to be, like be myself and be the person that I want to be. It's like opening a window of my soul that I definitely didn't expect to have such an impact to my life. My fear will now be a part of my past and my future will mean success.

I hope this help strengthen your application.

Scholarship / 'Love to learning about the world' - QuestBridge Scholarship Short Answer Question: Career Goals [2]

@gvarela, this prompt is quiet short but hopefully we can further it.

- As a child, and up to this dayIt has been my unwaveringI have lovedof learning about the world that urge me to keep going .

- I always wanted to visit places like India and Brazil but have been unable to afford to .
- ...that I am interested in:, global learning,..

I hope to include the following sentences;

Learning and traveling are two things that I will definitely devote myself into. My passion and interest lies in this two worlds, learning about health and being able to travel are just two things that will complete me and will give me that sense of direction. I am pursuing this goal because I know this is the path I want to take and it will never mean like a job to me, it will be my playground and a place I can share with others too.

I believe I will be able to achieve this goals, with hard work and determination, and the help of the institution, I will reach this career goals.

I know you can still elaborate your career goals further, maybe add a few more sentences and you should be good to go.

Undergraduate / A woman in Computer Sciences. University of Washington Transfer Statement: "Aim for Diversity." [4]

- ...else scientific as a bond between me and my father and I .
- From then on I knew that I wanted to do something inwith science.
- ...more about how my dad's computers workeds .
- I had lacked direction for some time,
- until one evening a news story came up on the tv about gender
- ...to explore these more men-dominated fields on the basis of gender stereotypes.
- ...things --, my family lives on the raggedrugged edge of the middle class,
- I planned to transfer here because...
- It's prided as aprides itself with a challenging
- environment that delivers direct experience forto the real word,

There you have it, I hope this helps enhance your letter and the best of luck on your application.

Scholarship / 'The best Physician Family' - Questbridge Biographical Essay [3]

- However, because my dad wasis so hard
- ..homework, but he was very inpatientimpatient .
- ...with him I was determined to not get questions wrongnot to have wrong answers to the questions .
- ...and I held a grudge.
- My relationship with my dad is still repairing itselfcoping ,
- Because [font#0000FF( it's not good to start a sentence with the word "because") I know that I have such a strong support system,

@atorres, it is indeed a very rewarding feeling to see people happy, especially when you are part of their happiness.
This act of kindness that you do now, will have an effect to people's lives that you have touched, I believe thats one magic that one person can give while making themselves happy at the same time. Good luck on your pursuit of dreams and never change your kindness towards yourself and to others.

Undergraduate / I look back at my 'misfortune' and smile. One of the prompts in Texas application. [2]

- Among the other topics that would come up atto the table
- was my dad's talk oflitany about work,
- ...she would say totell my sister and meI .
- ...she'd heard them all countless times before.
- ...surrounded by my four of my favorite beings,
- ...of an "accidental" phone call tofrom my mother,
- I hugged( this is a repeated action, it's better to keep it in a present tense) her
- ...you'd think I'd think of him as a different person.

There you have it @justbelieve, I hope this few remarks help.

Undergraduate / Movie role choice question - University of Florida 2016 Undergraduate Essay [3]

- ...and be an advocate for those who are lacking advocatesself esteem .
- Thus, beganThis is the beginning of my interest in these true tragic heroes.
- Villains always get the bad repreputation ( never abbreviate when writing an essay, not all your readers will get what you mean) ,

I agree with @Icturn, you have to have a role that you think will suit you and something that you will love to play. It should not stress you or make you feel like you need to do it, it should be fun. This way you will be able to play it nicely and with pride.

Also, a little bit of research about your role will help a lot when it comes to portraying it. On the other hand, villains are born in plays and movies to spice things up and make the story interesting. The villain does not only challenges the main character but will also keep the viewers entertained and get submerged into the story, this is one way of promoting the story and make it known to other could-be viewers who haven't seen the play or the movie. Nonetheless, all the characters are vital to the package of the story.

Undergraduate / What are the most important qualities in becoming a successful USMA cadet? 250-500 words [2]

- An USMA cadet is...
- ...live bywith the basic concept...
- ...commitment that a cadet has to the army.

@Candidate, there you have it, a little help from me. Your essay is written well, I know you can write far more than this one but with the word count, somehow it limits your ideas with your writing.

Nevertheless, it's very well written, straight forward and definitely in line with it's purpose.
Integrity, should be one of the qualities not only for cadets but to everybody, it's one of those traits that should be instilled to everyone.

Undergraduate / Visas to America - obstacle or "bump in the road," in your academic or personal life [3]

- Arriving to American ,
-...words carefully;, ( be careful of your punctuation marks, this is minor remarks but its better to avoid them) these
- words would resonates with me and
- slowly overtime I noticed myself using the word with my classmates.

Congratulations Van, there's no surprise that you will be able to overcome such obstacle, all it takes is perseverance and determination towards your goals. Never give up and always be positive. Learning a second language can be very tough however, for a determined one like you, there's a lot more to learn and never give up. Keep learning.

Essays / SWOT analysis thesis statement, APA sources, conclusion What say? [3]

Lemondragon, I made a quick search on APA format and it's basically a citation writing style, in your project.
Now, the SWOT analysis is as you said, the analysis of the company's strength, weaknesses, opportunity and threats.
In writing your analysis, you can start by writing the company's profile, their make and the purpose of the company's existence.
It's quiet an interesting and challenging topic to write about. An extensive round of research should be done in order to make this project worthwhile.

When it comes to writing, all you have to remember is the facts, always make sure that the facts are kept as they are, no more no less.

Also, stay objective and true to the purpose of your article, the project you're about to submit should be meaningful and worth your patience and time of research.

Nevertheless, we expect you to have fun while doing your project and when you're done, post it here and we will help you further.

Essays / Homework question regarding data into regression model chart? [3]

Thatonekid, this is indeed quiet a tough one. It's like a series of question that gets harder as you solve it.
I believe you can explain it better if you do some research on this process, the regression analysis and how the analysis is done.
The series of merging the files should also be explained step by step as this is critical to the process.
Remember, once the process is not explained properly it always end up with a not so good result, so in order to avoid this, make sure that you will do an extensive research.

When it comes to the validity of the process and the data management, I believe you will be better off with understanding its meanings first then go from there.

I'm sorry if this is not much of help, I'm just not so into tech stuff however I hope I was able to give you a few points to consider.

Undergraduate / My whole life I've beaten the odds; Fsu essay [3]

- My whole life, I've beaten the odds.
- I was born prematurely at 26 weeks,
- I suffered a complication.
- ..the same way others havehas given to me.
- ...experiences I have had has been caring for my grandfather.
- I feel I can enhancelive up to my purpose in the
- world atwith the help of Florida State University..

There you have it, I hope my remarks help.

Essays / Select an inspirational quote that you would put on the wall of your room. Collage essay. [4]

Viona, first of all, EF will not write an essay for you, we are here to help out and give you ideas on how to enhance your essay.

I have a few points that can jumpstart this essay of yours;

- what is the quote that inspires you, something that keeps your world positive
- why did you pick this quote
- how does this quote affect your daily life
- site examples that best influence this quote

There are a lot of quotes that are actually quiet moving, I for one live by this quote; "life is a matter of choice", and as I grow older and wiser, it is indeed a matter of choice, destiny is one but you are still the one who makes decisions for your life at the end of the line.

We hope you will be able to write a good piece of essay, post it here and we will help you further.

Undergraduate / Challenging transition - College essay/personal statement [3]

- I was used to many people sharing the same beliefs as meI do .
- I never realized how many differingdifferent opinions there could be on one subject,
- By beingBeing accepted into the People to People program,

Conclusion:
This closing is somewhat aggressive and demanding, let me rephrase it;
- I should be accepted into ______________________'sThis program will further mybecause I can bring a passion for my major and for learning everything I can about it.

- I am a responsible, passionate, open minded and determined student who will work hard togather my best to achieve her goals and pursue my passions, and

- I truly believe that _____________________ would beis the best schoolinstitution to help me get the most out of my college. experience .

There you have it, my little help towards your fruitful future.

Essays / Should be 1500 word essay on why king Lear is considered one of the four tragedies. [3]

Coco, first of all, the topic for this essay is good and interesting enough for you to play with words and should not be bothered with the word count.

Now, you post your essay here, we proof read it, review and will chip in what we think will enhance your essay.
I hope this key points will help;
- who is King Lear
- what is the four tragedies
- how did King Lear become known or considered as one of the four tragedies
- what effect does this labelling has in his character
- how will he manage this set back in is character
- why was he considered one of them
- how will he make a difference

We will look forward to your post.

Writing Feedback / The rate of using internet between urban/suburban regions tended to increase rapidly over time. [3]

- ..the rate of using internet between two regions tended to increase..
- After that, the rate has more slightly risen,
- with 53% and 55% households had their own...
- ...to see that there werewas a larger number of people
- ...using internet network connection at home,..
- ..people in this areathere have more chance to own the household internet connection.

Good analysis, brief and organized.
The remarks I made is very minor however it is very helpful.

Undergraduate / Low self esteem and insecurity - 'obstacles in your life' essay [3]

- ...one often only considers the external conflicts faced.
- Low self esteem and insecurity are common to many children growing up
- ...if there was something inside me needingneeded to be fixed.
- ...rather than desiringhaving the desire to be surrounded by people.
- ...not for anyone else, but solely for my happiness.
- ...through anymore of my young years in amy self-made prison of insecurity.
- I shocked myselfwas shocked with how capable
- I was all a long to communicate
- ...confident and independent womenwoman .

Congratulations to a new you. Confidence is one thing that will hinder you from a lot of things that you are so capable of doing, so, be yourself, work on yourself and aim higher and I hope my remarks on your essay helps.

Undergraduate / How you see your future - your goals and ambitions? Predicting can be difficult due to many factors. [3]

- Predicting one's future can be difficult considering the many factors that can affect..
- ...typical answer:, to get a job
-... but also a passion.
- ...after being recruited as a sports coordinator.
- This was the third time I gave the icepacks to the same soccer player.
- As the only sports coordinator on the field,
- I felt discourageddisappointed and useless.
- Hence, I decided to enroll in the sports science (aka, kinesiology)
- I am hoping to be one of them in the near future,
- I can envision myself working atwith various settings locally and globally.
- By then, I believe I will acquire a set of skills and knowledge that will enable

Great goals you have their and this is a very good start, knowing what you want to do and to envision what you want to be is quiet a daunting task but hey, a good start is one step closer to your goals.

Writing Feedback / A breakdown of the process of water cycle. IELTS Task 1 [4]

- First, the used household waste water having been used is sent...
- There is also water recycled in the tank so as that it can be used again for household needs.
- ...and then it is directly carried intounto the stream via drain.
- In this case, thisthe area experiences drought.
-...water treatment plant., ( if a sentence is a continuation of the first one, comma should be used, use the correct punctuation marks)Bb efore being distributed to the houses,

Good work on analyzing the graph, short, concise and just the right information to let the readers understand the graph presented.

Undergraduate / Clash of different experiences. Essay for college admissions. [2]

-...was accompanied by the wondrous possibility of a job.
- I don't mean every other Tuesday he would offer up a quick jab;, ( be careful with your punctuation marks, to rest after one idea and the other, a comma should be used )

- As time drew onwent by , I noticed that...

Breanne, this essay is written well, however I'm not really convinced that it would pass a college admission.
It didn't bear the points that a college administrator would look for in a college admission essay.
I suggest you include the following;
- your academic achievements
- your goals and aspirations
- how would your college institution help you in achieving these goals
- what are your ways to contribute to the community and to the institution

Think about this and write back here at EF so we can help you further.

Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Should we weigh opinions equally or put more weight on informed opinions? [3]

- The upshot is scores of Americans rushing
- ...started once the excitements fades.
- The Ignorance from this causes deep rifts between both sides,
- such as the debate between upholding christian values or allowing looser restrictions in business concerning homosexuals in Indiana(SINCE WE ARE TALKING ABOUT A GENERAL TOPIC, NO NEED TO INCLUDE ANY SPECIFIC PLACE) .

- ...butand they can be well-rooted or shallow.
- In order to avoid the damage of everyday, risk and moral tension,

I agree that opinions can be plain opinions unless they are supported with facts, most often than not, misconception is born out of peoples opinions.

On the contrary, everyone is entitled to voice out their opinions, however we have to be very responsible and take ownership of every opinion we voice out.

Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Are rewards harmful motivators? [3]

- In the fast-paced age of the milleniummillennium ( be careful with spelling, turn on spell checker) generation,...
- Yet every week, thirty swimmers showedshows (it's an action that continues or repeats as a routine) up,
- By Having a reward put in front of usas fruit of our labor , we expedited our own training.
- ...with the intent to promote athe love of math within the elementary..
- ...only to the top scoring participants for their outstanding performance.

I hope my remarks help and as much as I hate to say it, rewards for hard work are always something to look forward to.

It's a motivator, a driver and how ever you want to call it, it's one part of the puzzle that keeps one going and doing what they do best.

Writing Feedback / Write a story about two children who leave their old home and start a new life in a new one. [3]

- ...fearing that the worst hadhas yet to come.
- 'We are going travellingto travel ! '
-... Adam and his brother gave thetheir good-bye kiss.
- ...out of the window and waves his hands.
- " Such a joyful spirit "..
- ...Everything Waswas .
- LonelyLoneliness and precious memories were the only friends he had.

I will rate your story at 9 as for me it's almost perfect, I hope my remarks help.

Graduate / Zero and one - what can numbers do? Read my personal statement for statistics. [2]

Amy424, I agree with ChristineB, some of your sentences are quiet long and normally in this case, your readers will loose their interest on continuing to read. I would also like to help you out on some paragraphs;

-...I see the large picturesaw a larger picture to grasp the system...
- Aided by theWith the aid of firm command ofand independent study,
- I found itthat it's not only easy...
- ...fromand Physics to Chemistry.
- ...to govern the everyday worldlife and are difficult not to witness.
- ... even in places you expect not to find itdon't expect to find. .
- For example,(No need to site this as an example as the sentence speaks for itself) I had a large input as a team member in the Physics practical class,..

- Keeping these in mind and with utmost respect, I consider yourregard (Name ) University as my first choice.ultimate choice.

Amy424, I hope my contribution helps.

Letters / I've asked myself countlessly: "Is this a good decision?" - My family and educational ambitions [3]

- I started to pay more attention to my own studystudies and slowly..
-... where despite the fact that I don't have..
- ...succeed in order to help the submerged...
- In order to do itfulfill my goals , I see awill overcome this long way ahead with obstacles waiting for me and I will succeed.
- CCSS will be a foundation for me to make further stepping stonetake a step further and to advance..
- I would beam honored and grateful if you can accept my application andof your time in consideringanmy academic scholarship application.

Thank you very much for your consideration.
I'm looking forward to your reply.I look forward to hearing from you.

Gloria, to pursue Law in a country other than your own is quiet a big risk, you must have strong determination and a positive outlook because it will not be an easy path to take.

Going back to your letter, I made a few corrections,I hope it helps.

Graduate / Questions and my answers for Bschool application- Australia [3]

- 1. Why have you chosen to study in Australia rather than your home country?

- by an Asian influence provides a very interesting environment for the people in the country.

2.Why did you choose Bond University?

- My profile has gaps inBond University will strengthen my education...
- Thus, To attain my short-term goal I need to learn various aspects of business management,..
- Thus I researched more on the university to find if it is a right fit with my ambitions.in order to make sure that I can be a great addition to the alumni and carry the name with pride and determination to succeed with the help of the faculty.

Marivanno, as I go through your application, I believe this are the paragraphs that needs more help and a reminder, the word "Thus" is synonymous to "Therefore", "as a result" or "in conclusion", this means you cannot use this word in almost every sentence in your paragraph.

Scholarship / Prospective medical student needs help writing a personal essay! Must be creative and individual [4]

Sage,

When writing a personal essay, think about writing a diary with the following notes;

- how did you start in the academe
- how did you progress
- what are the goals you have
- how do you plan to achieve this goals
- what are your aspirations
- how will you keep your good work, consistency is the key
- if your pursuing the medical world, what do you plan to strengthen your practice
- lastly, how can you give back to the community or the institution that will provide you the scholarship

Try writing on your own and post it here so we can help you further.

Writing Feedback / All students need relaxation after hours of stressful study [8]

- Some students say that they rarely spend..
- Parents allonly want to see their children...
- In my countriescountry , young people usually
- spend at least three hours at private center after the school.
- As a result, they are always stressful and cannot get a good achievement on their studiesget good enough grades to present to their parents .
- They even study twice timestake double degrees so that they can have a chance of success.
- There are some solutions that can help students from falling into in this situation.
-Parents had better make ashould consider a more suitable..
- Another effective way would be for the government to invest in creation ofcreating more university placesstate universities .
- Therefore, students can have more opportunities forin enrolling to a university enrolment .

I definitely agree, all work and no play is not pleasant at all, school should be fun, entertaining and relaxing. School should be a place where one can hone their abilities and lead the world in the future. Studying as far as I remember is synonymous to learning, when you study, you should learn and not get stressed.