Undergraduate / University reinstatement letter after 10+ years [3]

EEBound, I find no remarks to make from your letter;
- it is written well
- you manage to transition your days of depression to your perseverance to be better and be the best that you can be.
- it's always a matter of deciding what you will do with your days on earth
- you never dwell on the past

And from me, I wish you all the best in your future endeavors,
always put that can-do attitude, let your feet take you to places and
imagine the unimaginable, create the impossible and invent the extraordinary that will capture the future.

Writing Feedback / Because of getting a new job I moved to a new house next to the office [3]

- ..and sorry my workskeep kept me busy that I could not have a time to drop you a line.
- I am writing now to update you about exciting..
- ..that I have moved to a new house next to my office.
- Having found a job into Xx Company,
- commuting would take long hours due to the fact that my ex-apartments is located far from my..
- I should mention that I have attended training classes and normally I'm late because I shouldstill have to get on a train and then a bus.

- Considering this issue, I decide to live somewhere next to the company I work for .
- Also, I was approaching to the end of a tendencymy tenancy agreement.
- I chose this apartment includingit includes a spa, swimming pool
- and free wifi due to mywhich spells convenience.
- Moreover, it locatesis located next to the beach;
- therefore I can go for a run everyday inby the beach road and enjoy the view of sunset.
- Last but not the least you are able alsoI am also able to wake up..
- ...and spending time with each other.
- As a result, you can give me call to let me know what time you expect to arriveI can expect you to arrive .

This is a very heart warming letter and I wish you the best of luck on your IELTS.

Writing Feedback / Contrary to Velleman's opinions, I believe that our society is not expressive enough! [4]

- Many times withinIn the novel, Holden...
- psychiatric help, but has nobody to talk to, and as a result,..
- There areis an estimated
-...and Warfare asis refusing..
- ...many young people do not see athe reason to keep working and in the endto have
- Those with mental illness in the face of
-...this bottlingsuppressedof emotions only further..

Indeed, keeping quiet of the things that needs attention is one way of not facing them, this will eventually lead to low self esteem and to extreme psychiatric cases.

You have avery strong essay however make sure that you don't forget your linking verbs, they help a lot in making your sentence make more sense.

Writing Feedback / SAT Essay: Do we need others to understand ourselves? [3]

- Introspection is a powerful tool for self-reflection, but even more potent in accomplishing that is the company of others.(this first sentence started out right but the other half of it does not make sense so I'm not sure how to correct it)

- ...which we derive this strength from .
- ...in the company of someone else, notno matter how deceiving that person is,..
- SocializationSocializing is the key to many of the locked doors within ourselves.

Somehow, for a person to understand his inner self is to be her/himself, to be just who they are and act with respect.
Respect not only to the people around them but more to one self. It does not only make you feel good, it will also make people feel good having you around.

Letters / Letter for research opportunity position - collaborative governance [2]

Naime, first of all your letter is quiet short, it is very short that the reader will not understand or know who you are, what you're capable for and why they ,would let you do a research for them, let me help you out;

To the institution
The research department
Institution address

Dear Dr....

I am PhD student from the ______ with a major onof public policy in Iran and recently have developed a research about the reasons of the partnership complexities in the collaborative governance considering developing countries especially in xxx.

I have read your journal article "xxxx". And really I was surprised by the framework when I think the 'xxx' may be one of the reasons of collaboration complexities in developing countries. So by inspiration of this framework I have made conceptual framework in my proposal "yyyyy"

I hope to be able to come up with my own research on complexities of public policy. I have been in an environment that honed my research and investigative skills, making sure that I will be able to come up with a meaningful and moving project on good governance.

As I understand, politics may be a very dangerous place to be in however it is a challenge that I am ever willing to take part of. I believe collaborative governance has yet to prove it's worth and I am one of those who will stand by in creating a political environment which will be known to matter effectively not only to developing countries but also to the developed ones.

I am very inclined to your work and I hope to collaborate with you and have the rare chance to come up with rules in a collective effort, rules that will shape a nations political policy.

Sincerely,
Name

I hope this helps.

Scholarship / Narrative Letter for Diversity Scholarship Appeal (Mizzou; prompt included) [4]

Phd, yes you're correct your letter is quiet long and most of the time, letters this long will not only mean the reader will not read it, maybe they will but you will loose them eventually,here's what I think;

- stop focusing on what you've done wrong, I see this at the beginning, through out your letter and until the end, be positive
- let the administrator know your strength and how you will get back to that 2.20 margin for GPA
- you are a man of passion and perseverance in completing your studies, sell it to the institution
- everyone has seen unfortunate circumstances this is life's way of survival but you don't have to emphasize these in your letter.

I will make a draft in little bit and will post it here.

Writing Feedback / Schools can help change obesity rates in schools through education. [3]

Conclusion:
- I will prove that by doing this we will have and we can prevent
- .. function it has been very slim historically.
- The basic function of learning about nutrition has been an ongoing process however a very slow processone .

Obesity as a whole is indeed a dilemma in most countries and to most people in particular, this is also due to the fact that people are not mentally ready to consider yet another change that will extremely involve their commitment and their physical attributes. Normally the chance of re-enforcing a healthier lifestyle is hard to implement specially because you will break norms. I mean this is just me.

Congratulations on a very informative and powerful essay, I hope my little remarks help.

Scholarship / Question on leadership in water management now or in the future? [3]

Ugo, first of all, I suggest that you don't start your paragraph with the word, "because";

- Because of thedue to the long lasting problem..
- I had chosen to follow a course in Hydrology
- in order to strengthen and professionalisedcivilized the water sector.
- Then With my academic knowledge and professionalism in works,..
- duty was broaden and more versatile added that I have thewith the additional support of the Officer In Charge.
- I have 2 subordinates who I trained on the surveying...
- strategies through records sheets and routine..

This is indeed a powerful strategy in leadership management, to be a good leader is to be able to mingle with the masses, hear them and most of all respect them and let them know that you care and the company is not just a workplace but a home where family come to gather only in a different level of professionalism.

Writing Feedback / The tobacco has a lot of poisons substances which have harmful effects on users and non-users. [2]

- Smoking tobacco is a common among many people,
- All of the users inhale it regularly and...
- QuittingTo quit smoking is difficult for many users,
- ...tobacco has forto a person and his family,
- The tobacco has a lot of poisonou s substances
- which havehas harmful effects on users and non-users.
- ...which prevent the users from stopping to lighting it up.
- Making illegal smoking tobacco illegaldoes not cause to access deniedwill not prevent people from accessing it either .
- There are a lot of smokers in all over the world who are not accept thiswill not accept this as compulsory lowlaw .
- Making illegal smoking tobacco illegal cannot solve the problem;
- however, it will probably reduces the number of smokers.
- If the government beis able to control the external factors, making illegal smoking illegal will be useful.

Well, I for one hate it when people around me smoke because I don't but somehow I learned to respect them, now, this doesn't mean that I agree to this vice, I would love to teach them other ways to keep them away from this very harmful vice. I would like to share though that imposing higher tax on smoke will somehow decrease the number of smokers and hopefully lessen the harm it does to the environment.

Writing Feedback / The Importance of Random Acts of Kindness [5]

- ..child marketing theirmy very own lemonade stand.
-.. .happen less and less as the years go onby .
- That doesn't stop me from trying to hand them outpay it forward as many chances as I can,
-...have lost sight ofto the real meaning of kindness
- I want to show people how the kind actions they commit have the ability toacts of kindness make

Indeed, it's a very good feeling to make difference in one's life, regardless of how small or big it is, it's an act that will prove you that human being is still on top of their game. The game of making each and everyone around us feel loved, valued and respected. I share the same hope as you, that one day, human being will forget about individuality and treat everybody equal and with utmost respect.

Undergraduate / My reflection on My Brilliant Life; the supplement essay for Boston College [3]

- Every time he overcameovercome a problem,
- I felt I have learntlearned something from him.
- It was so hopeful and yet, traumatizingtraumatized at the same time.

A well written reflection of such a nice movie. It was indeed a very peaceful yet heartfelt night at the movies.
I can say that the your manner in writing os very god, somehow like an experienced writer wrote the essay.
What I do notice though is your mix of british english and the normal english it's quiet evident in your writing, if you can stick to the normal one like "learned" instead of "learnt" this is for your readers not to get confused. Practice writing more too.

Writing Feedback / "The people in power have created an obesity epidemic" - but not only rich countries are exposed now [3]

- A wise man namelynamed Roman Atkins
- What foods we consume and how we consume them.
- Foods especially fast

Obesity is indeed one of those crisis that envelopes the world, I mean this issue will not reach WHO if it wasn't that big.

The sad thing is, more and more people are becoming obese instead of avoiding it, it's like a trend that they want to be part of.

I live in a society where a lot of people follow trends, and believe it or not they follow the obesity game too. Unfortunate but absolutely true.

Now, going back to your essay, it's good that you indicated that this is the first part of your essay because you wrote it very well and for sure the rest of the essay will be the same. I look forward to other part so we can help you further.

Undergraduate / Acceptance essay to the Illinois Art Institute of Chicago [3]

- Ever sinceI can still vividlyI can remember I loved taking pictures,
- the hands on education Ai offers will help shape and modemold my career.
- I expect hard challenges to be thrown at me to
- I hope to learn skills, by employeesas an employee , that will help me in my career.
- I will also need buissnessbusiness ( be careful of typo, proof read) skills
-...vital knowledge and skills that pertaining to my fields.
- No other college can do that for memade me fell so welcomed .

I'm quiet fascinated with your passion for two challenging paths, I must say you're one brave and extraordinary soul, when most students would go for science, math and normal courses, you go for the arts. Well, good luck!!!

On your letter however, I can't say it's strong enough to grant you an acceptance to AI, I suggest you boost your letter by detailing your strength on the chosen course and let them know how you can contribute to the institution.

Letters / Appeal Letter to reconsider decision on granting with the Dean Scholarship [2]

- .. this up coming fall semester..
- I appreciate you taking the time to read this letter.
- By reading this letter,(this phrase will not be necessary) I hope this letter will help..
- ...resulting thatthis means I have to go to..

The letter you have here is very moving and I believe it will give you a second chance on the scholarship.
What happened to you is very unfortunate and I salute you on being very brave and get back on your feet and try to win the scholarship back. Keep this attitude always with you because it's one secret to a successful person, being able to go out there and be courageous and face the challenges, believe me, not everyone can do what you are doing now.

I wish you the best of luck, let us know what happens, we would love to hear from you.

Writing Feedback / Many people think that emigrating from homeland could bring various benefits [3]

- for study or settlementto settle .
- ...various benefits to the public and individuals as whole.
- From Social the social point of view, living away from ones native country encourages diversity in
- the society infrom the hosted land, because people
- ..those who migrate to others countries go intofor employment,
- where they boost the economy of the hosted country by paying taxes,
- ...that offers more opportunities than their own country.
- Nevertheless, there are negative aspects of travellingtraveling (be very careful of misspelled words) overseas.
- not being able to socialize with neighboursneighbors .
- Employability difficulties could be resultedcan be due toas lack of communication
- culturalculture shock might take a place as a result of not being able to adapt to the new society.
- In additional , paperwork also could draw attention to inability to fulfill the requirement with immigration office.
- To sum up, in the world we live in today's , public..

Aside from the fact that you forgot your linking verbs and verb form, you also have a few misspelled words, this remarks are quiet major and you have to be very careful.

Writing Feedback / The cultural adaptation is crucial however people should also not forget their own customs. [2]

- ..found offensive fromto other citizens of the others.
- ...some Vietnamese cultural heritages and relics.
- ....people being unablemay not be able to adapt well adapt to a new culture
- may beand they would rather be restricted..
- On the other hand, it is not to saywe are not saying that we should completely..
- ...uniqueness and freshnessgenuine pride of the nation of which it is a part of.
- ...accept the new cultures but they should also maintain the uniqueness and invaluable featurestradition of their own cultural heritages.

This are the remarks I made, I hope is shed some sense in your essay.

Essays / Gender sterotypes in the media [4]

Well, Clickher, gender stereotype is a topic that is considered a taboo for a lot of people, specially those ones who live by principle.
This topic, however, is one where you can write a good piece of article. I have a few guidelines that you can follow through;

- identify what is gender stereotype
- how does this affect the people around
- how does media contribute to the treatment of gender stereotype
- what are the advantages if there's any of gender stereotype
- when stereotyping exist in a community, how does it affect people's relationship
and finally how do we avoid stereotyping.

I hope you will be able to come up with a good essay and when you do, post it here so we can help you further.

Undergraduate / Awkward relationship with my uncle - ApplyTexas Essay Topic B [4]

- Because his position required him to work inside ofthe warehouse for most of the time,..
- ...since my emotion oftowards him almost perished.
- Furthermore, if there was something that he needed an additional effort ,
- Of course, athis change didn't happen immediately.
-However, by imagining a better outlook in the near future,
- I kept my mind stubbornopen and continued taking a positive action.
- ..but thecoming from a person with an indifferentwho is very different in nature
- It may not be noticeable at the beginning,
- but passionatepatience and continuous action will later lead to a great change.

I always believe that experience is always the best teacher, the more you get challenged and overcome this, you will be stronger and will be ever ready to face the world.

Writing Feedback / People in India believe that prolonged yoga exercise can also cure many diseases. [3]

- Unhealthy life with ailments and stress are not smooth,
- they just drag us to the negativity of life.
- Firstly,(you already started the paragraph by stating "To begin with", so there is no need to stress the next sentence with the word, "Firstly") Traditional Sports like wrestling, bodybuilding, swimming and kabaddi

- are played here since the ages and theses sports are the part of many school activities.
- They play avery vital role to inculcate the habit of playing these games regularly and with enthusiasm.
- ..it's a form of exercise..
- Thirdly, we believe in eating healthy food which includes reshfresh ( I know this is just typo error but be careful) fruits and vegetables.
- To conclude, health is only only wealth and we can'twill never lose it if we take care of it.

I hope my remarks help in enhancing your essay.

Writing Feedback / Role of educational institutions in shaping one's career. Evaluate this issue essay. [3]

- Their roles are next to that of their parents for..
- ...and exaggeratedabout their likely hood of success than others.
- In addition, if educational institutions frame academic curriculum that isfocuses mostfocused mostly
- Thus,( "Thus", it's already been used in your previous paragraph and to prove your point you can use a different strategy) I strongly believe

- ...strifestrive hard to achieve their goals,
- however seeminglyno matter how impossible the task may appear.
- ...he is capable to takingtake the venture at hand to the highest possible level.
- Therefore, educational institutes should be opened up to all possible career options,

Arpita, I made a few corrections as you can see above, I hope it helps.
The only thing I noticed is that you tend to position the words in a way that it is literally translated and this makes your sentence confusing.

Undergraduate / Common App Question: What problem you'd like solved and steps to get solution [5]

- I will continue to not to be an American.
- I will simply will be livinglive in America.
- ..I was thean easy target of bullying.
- The recent events in Ferguson illustrate is that there is a great deal of underlying tension present.
- ...it is naïve to believe that racism has vanquishedvanished .

This is quiet a good entry you have. It's message is clear, you are very objective and objectivity is one thing that a good writer need to develop if they don't possess it and maintain if they have it. I agree that the US have a lot more problems than the eye can see. Regardless of the issue, there are other things than racism that the country will face but this doesn't mean that we just shrug it, it's one issue that needs solution but honestly, there's a lot to be done towards the solution to this issue.

Writing Feedback / Being great and risk means more chance for a success; GRE [4]

- Success can be defined differentdifferently by many..
- today there needsthey need to be risk and notbe careful in planning. -
- All of around the world there..
- because of the fear and not giving up everything to hit it big.

This GRE essay that you came up with is written very well, you made sure that your ideas are clear, concise and briefly written yet packed with all there is that you want to send. I can say your message is sent well, taking risk can definitely have only two results, winning it and loosing the game. One thing is for sure, if you don't risk it, you will be left with the "what if's", and believe it or not, this will hunt you for as long as it shall.

Risking all or nothing may not be a good decision but really, what if it's the only step that can determine your future, then go ahead, roll the dice and cross your fingers while you work hard for a better future.

Writing Feedback / TOPIC: What are the benefits and the risks associated with the use of private transport? [4]

- One of the main positivespositive effects of using..
- Indeed, with private vehicles you becomehave an initiative than to move to anywhere..
- The more the amount of private vehicle increase, the bigger emissions is in the air is .
- This has effects directly on the health and quality of human life.
- To sum up, besides some benefits of using private vehicles, it also causes many serious drawbacks seriously .
- In my opinion, I believe the risks arethat this case has brought with them area much bigger issue , and that threatens people's life.
- Therefore, the number of private vehicles should be controlled to avoid making worsethe situation worst.

I hope this corrections help.

Writing Feedback / The best way to reduce air pollution is for the government to raise the cost of petrol for cars. [2]

- Air pollution is one of the most threatening pollution for the environment around the world.
- Of course, developed countries have tried to avoid itsthe progress of this threat.rather than other countries.
- but also it does not granteeguarantee to reduce air pollution.
- First reason that I disagree with the above statement is that expensive petrol alone cannot prevent from air pollution.
- For instance, inIn addition of cars, other pollutant..
- ...rules in order to factories'for the factory owners filter factories' smokes from dangerous gasses.
- Or if they produce gaseous products they should pay more attention to their qualitiesthe quality of the air that the factory is pumping out to remain air safely.

- Furthermore reason that I reject the above statement is that buying expensive petrol with high expense does not..
- ...filter harmful gasses before emit themthey blow up to the atmosphere

Your essay is great and I agree that the control of petrol prices does not make sense at all, it always start from us, fro people's usage of the gasses and the resources in order to avoid pollution.

Writing Feedback / How Does Foods that Have Gluten in Them Affects the Human Body [3]

- How Does Foods that Have Gluten enriched foodin Them Affects the Human Body? Draft

Chnita, I will work on the last 3 paragraphs of your research;

- It is recommended that at least half of the carbohydrates in diets comes from whole grain.
- ...havinggiving consideration for theto people that..
- Basically before you make and drastic changes with your diet like..
- Not one body reacts exactly the same way.
- I have a family member who is now going through the gluten free diet
- and she too was not able to conceive for the life of her, (this phrase is not clear to me, I'm not sure what you mean by this, I would like to rephrase it; "and she was not able to keep up with this diet. "

- well maybe I should say she was trying to go..
- then we need to be educated on certain things that the naked hardeye maybe cannotnot see. - - For the women and men trying to conceive I hope this gives you all hope and motivation to start looking into things, at least so that some things can be ruled out.

I hope my remarks can help you.

Writing Feedback / IGCSE - Descriptive writing essay on narrowly escaping a storm. Any help would be marvellous. [4]

- Struggling to keep my footing, I pressed forwards against the torrential winds,..
- I quickened myquickly pace,
- whoseit's broken,..

Marcus, as you can see, the remarks I made is very minor, this is because your essay is written well.
I love the fact that you were able to draw a lengthy essay out of a not so interesting topic.
Just make sure that you stick to being creative in your articles, this is a very good asset, it keeps your readers entertained and it's basically like reading a short story.

I will not be surprised if you will be able to write a good novel one day or a
collection of short stories.

Undergraduate / Being a Korean immigrant - ApplyTexas Essay Topic A [3]

1st paragraph;
- "I'll never get be able to fit into the American culture".
-.. I feared most of mythe time.
- GettingMoving away from my cultures,
- American culture wasn't familiar withto me, especially inthe language,

Last paragraph;
- I am and becoming a positive minded person will let me make..
-..I was able to shed my old trauma,

Killeener, honestly, your essay is good. For somebody who says he/she is not good in writing, your essay is worth reading.
As entertaining as it is, however, I don't find your essay to leave a mark to it's readers due to the following reason;

- you spoke too much about yourself,your culture and just about you
- add some insights about your country, Korea, it's traditions, culture and beliefs
- compare this to American and how will this make you an asset to the institution
Write a couple more sentences and you should be good to go.

Writing Feedback / Success is to achieve one's dreams and wishes but not all successful scenarios end in happiness [3]

Szhang25, I will work on you title first, I guess if we re-phrase it, it will mean more;

- Success is to achieve one's dreams and wishes but not all successful scenarios end indreams leads to happiness

Now your essay;
- Yet not all successful scenarios end indreams leads to happiness.
- ..rose from rags to riches in anand epitomized the version of the American Dream.
- Carnegie's empire faded away with the passing of hewhen the Sherman Anti-Trust Acts got implemented .
- ..but disastrousit meant disaster for all the other companies he overshadowed.
- Entire countriesAn entire country may be plunged into tumultturmoil by success.
- The stock market crash ofin 1929 is one such example.
-...showed us that wherewhen there is success,..

Upon reading your essay, I can't help but notice that at some point you are actually talking from experience, however, I want to remind you that, when writing, you have to be objective.

Writing Feedback / Some minority languages have a risk of disappearing, it's governments responsibility to protect them [3]

Mmm, first of all, the essay is quiet short, I know you still have a lot more ideas to write.
Anyhow, I will input my remarks and follow through;

-...I believe that governments have responsibilities to savingsave languages..
- On the oneother hand,..
- thesethis will cost a large sum of money.
- On the other handcontrary ( "on the other hand", this phrase has been used in the previous paragraph, if you can, avoid using phrases multiple times) ,

- I am contented that minority languages cannot be destroyedforgotten .
- First, a language is much more than simply asimple means of communication.
- It has a vital connection with the cultural identity of people who spokespeak it.
- Therefore, if languages disappear thanthen a whole way of life will disappears with it.
- SecondNext , languages
- Everyone has their rights fortousinguse their own languages even

Mmm, I agree with you view on preserving this local dialects as how I call it, I speak about 5 local dialects from my native country and believe me, I'm more proud in knowing this languages than telling people that I speak 2 or more international languages, why?, Simply because I also want to teach the next generation about this dialects.

With my remarks on your essay, I hope it helped a little bit.

Writing Feedback / Tuition fees in universities are beneficial for both the individuals and the society as a whole. [3]

- However, I do not agree with this point of view, becausethat this can..
-...especiallyit will becomeit isa source...
- because apart from itthe tuition that they have to shoulder , they also have to..
- it is common knowledge that when young teenagers are grown up to 18 years old already , they..
- Therefore, tuition fees mustmay put a heavier..
- First , Graduates have a tendency to earn good salaries..
- Besides, in many EuropeEuropean countries,
- to attract oremore ( be careful of typo errors) students.

Thao, overall, the essay you wrote is good. The only observation that I have is your lack of logic on the essay, when you are writing the body of the letter and you need to point another argument or point you have to give importance to it by making a new paragraph, this way you can make your point matter to your readers.

Undergraduate / USNA Candidate essay - to achieve my dreams of serving in the navy [3]

- Growing up with Nepali parents of Nepali descent who..
- devote my life and to onebe of service.
- Academies foe servicemenservice academies challenge their students...
- ...the navy and reaching my ultimate goal of securing this countryto render my devotion to security for the greater good of my country .

Candidate, your essay is lacking a few more paragraphs that will tell the admissions officer that you are fit for the academy and the mission that they live by. I understand your undeniable love and patriotism to your country however the academy will need more than physical strength and drive in order to see you fit for the institution. They require utmost intelligence too, discipline, and the willingness to learn and continue spreading the word about security, unity and loyalty to the nation that never waver to welcome you with open arms.

I suggest that you research and study the mission and vision of the academy, the rules they live by and the qualifications that they require to consider you in the pact. Good luck.

Writing Feedback / "Is it possible for a society to be fair to everyone?" June 2013 [5]

- AThe tendency to prejudge
- At the other sideOn the other hand , most..
- DemoctraticDemocratic ( typo error but avoid it if you can ) societies were unfair to minorities,
- not to mention, other societies where hunger, illiteracy and social strife is a common place.
- DuringFor more decades, society was unfair..
- AtIn this context, I can also point, also, to my experience.
- ...which is unfair but it's our life and noneno one can escape from human tragedy.

Well, my goal in giving the inputs above is to somehow refine your essay. It is well written, however there are a few remarks that I notice and I hope it refines the essay. Just to share with you, life is taking shape the way a person want it to be, it's a matter of choice and choice always work hand in hand with life's consequences. The only thing that we can do is to follow the golden rule, DON'T DO UNTO OTHERS WHAT YOU DO NOT WANT OTHERS DO UNTO YOU.

Writing Feedback / Many machines are now able to do the work which people used to perform, advantages an disadvantages? [4]

Tinytin, the first paragraph of your essay already tells a reader what they can expect, which is a very good sign that you are a good writer however this also leaves no thrill to the reader. Well, you cannot please everyone, so let me help you enhance it;

- ...paper works at the office, medical checking in hospital,etc....(never leave continues periods, use "etc" instead) are done by electronic machines,
- Secondly, machines works more effectively than human does .
- ..their products always stay the same asfrom the beginning.
- Electronic devices, however, are created by human so it is impossible to say that human can..
- ...we should weigh upthe pros and cons so that it would brings us advantages only.

There you have it, a little help from my end. I just want to add that machines are indeed a great addition to human life, it makes everything seem easy, consistent and fast, this means more time to enjoy life for humans and just like any other things, when used excessively, machines can be really bad.

Book Reports / Gender roles, deception, Gatsby/Daisy and Hamlet/Ophelia - The Great Gatsby VS Shakespeare's Hamlet [3]

Kaay, I agree with Icturn87, your essay is very similar to an outline. Well, if this is what your paper is asking then this is a well written outline.

It differentiates the two subjects and what makes it even more interesting is that you nailed the difference between the two characters.
However, I have some concerns listed below;

- the logic of differentiation like why are we citing the differences, this should be the first paragraph
- the links between one contrary fact to the other
- the roles that each characters play
- players of the role
- the general argument that each of the roles are playing
- how each character are played
- and how the characters be very deceiving

I hope you will follow thru this guidelines, it should help at least a little bit.

Graduate / An Indian dentist - Personal statement for MPH admission. [3]

- One aA mong them was Public Health Dentistry,
- whichwhere we learnt about epidemiology,
- The last year ( ??? - "the last year----of what, of the charity or of your school?) made me see a change in my perspective.
- I understand that onupon completion of this program I will be better equipped to help organize my actions that can make a bigger impact on health.

- ..should be privyknowledgeable ( I know you wanted to use big words but if this will not keep a clear intention or will not transcend your message then stick to the usual words) to..

- designing solutions and eventually complete preventiona program to preventof health related issues.
- I look forward to the discussionan exchange of ideas and well oriented learning that I will be doing at ~~~~.

Papsi, I was reading your admission letter as an admissions officer, you know what I found out?, I found out that you genuinely care about health in general and not just your choice of course which is dentistry. This shows that you will strive for that goal to make a difference.

Now, let's talk about your letter, I don't find it very strong and so I made a few corrections, on top of this I believe the letter only talked about you, your goals, aspirations and your can - do attitude which is good, however, what about the things that you can contribute to the institution, let's say you get in, what are the things or programs that you wish to create or join in so that you can be an asset to the institution. Think about this and maybe you can add it to strengthen your letter.

Book Reports / The Merchant Of Venice - Shylock emerges as a blood-thirsty and vindictive man. [2]

- 'The Merchant Of Venice' focuses uponis focused on the relationship between
- Firstly , Shylock learns about his daughter
- SecondlyNext , Shylock shows the audience
- ..or whether is( this is just typo but you have to be careful, make sure that you proof read in order to avoid such case) he is just an innocent man,..

- ..as he takes advantage of the situation to implicate exact revenge on the Christians.
- ...focusing only on the prosecutionprosecuting and killing of Antonio.
- ..Shylock's true character and identity areis revealed,
- In contrastOn the contrary , many may view..

Simon, honestly, I haven't read or seen a play of "The merchant of Venice" and reading your essay, I made corrections following grammar standards and to help a little bit.

The essay is written well as you can see there are only very few and minor remarks made, I believe when you write your next one it will be much better.

Essays / Need help with my outline for my car pollution paper [3]

Unknowne7456, the paper you are about to write is indeed a huge task, simply because it deals with one of the biggest issue that the world is facing, POLLUTION. Having said that, it is also one of the most interesting topic to write and believe me you will love it as soon as you start it.

So, here's a few guidelines you can use to get started;

- what is pollution
- what are the kinds of pollution
- what is car pollution
- how do you determine if a car is a contributor to the pollution
- how can you prevent this from happening
- what are the consequences when one is penalize with such action

This guidelines should get you a few sheets to write, when you're done post it here so we can help you further.

Writing Feedback / GRE Analyse an Issue. Scandals are unfair and inefective. Instead, promote changes by debate. [3]

- Cases of corruption should be judged by investigation and trial, without the interference of the public opinion.
- ..because the damage ofin reputation is already done
- ..and was revealed that an equivalenceequivalent of billions..
- National newspapers and TV had already judged the prosecuteddefendants without the
- whole evidence being available, and motivated by the public opinion to condemn...
- ...we see many public personsofficials are having their intimate..
- Cases of marital infidelity and involvement with drugs consumption are common,..
- ..unfair to individuals and aggregatesaggravates nothing in the reform of a society.

Joa, your analysis is written well and you remained objective through out the whole essay, that is one thing that some writers actually forget, of course when writing, you have to put your heart and soul but you have to remain objective.

I made a few corrections that will hopefully enhance your analysis and yes I agree that the press, media, TV personnel or whatever they are called need to be responsible enough to know what is good and bad publicity but regardless of what kind of publicity it may be, if it's for TV, they definitely go for it.

Writing Feedback / Should we live a simpler life without technology? [2]

- To some people, the recent booms in the...
-... therebyhereby sufficegive my personal feeling.
- For an example, exhaust emitted from cars'(you don't need an apostrophe on the word "cars") engines
- ..which consequently, results in overis a result of the packaging and excessive wastes
- being disposed andor discharged to localthe ecosystems.
- For instance,A good example of this is when modern technologies have made it possible tofor - ..wave and solar energy ( in some cases you have to indicate a clear subject, don't assume that your readers get your message in the first place ) that we..

- What is moreMoreover , advancements in the...

I definitely agree with your conclusion, technology in itself helped us a lot and it continues to teach us how and why we should use them.

One way or another, it's all up to human beings, we as the most powerful mammal in the chain should use technology for whatever purpose it may serve as best.

Essays / Discuss the development of myocardial infarction; an opening line [6]

Crwdzi, an opening line to your topic and the topic itself is challenging already.
However, as a writer there is no such thing as difficult unless you tried it. So, I come up with a few points that you can make in order to start your discussion.

- extensive research on myocardial infraction
- what is myocardial infraction?
- what are the signs when it is tagged as infraction
- signs and symptoms
- how does myocardial infraction develop
- what are the preventive measures
- how to integrate this development to the medical world

There you have it, this pointers should be able to guide you to have a meaningful discussion regarding the topic.
When you're done, post it here and we will do the rest.