Writing Feedback / 'avoid causing harm and pain' - Is animal testing necessary ? [2]

...For example, the necessary amount of oxygen for any species and it's nonexistence on moon is found when a rat and a dog are subjected and examined under various circumstances.

. Anything that is adapted or consumed artificially leads to severe disabilities.VERY WELL SAID
. In conclusion I would say necessity is the invention of all the things.

vERY NICE WORK!!

Essays / In general, how to write a term paper? [15]

What a great idea!! Thank you for your contributions to this forum :) As we say "the biggest reward is helping others".

Letters / Motivation Letter for Urban Planning Master course in Germany? [2]

...This project not only has improved the direction of the latter thesis but also applied 60 percents...
...International Cooperation, budget USD 430 millions

This looks very nice. As I'm sure you are aware, there are some places where the grammar suffers a bit and I didn't correct every error of that nature. Your strengths, intents and purposes have been very clearly illustrated and I think said university would be lucky to have somebody so passionate. To have an English tudor at your side may be helpful, but as far as this letter goes I think you have stated your interest quite well and I wish you the best of luck!

:)

Essays / RE: HR Conflict Resolution Project - how to start? [2]

Well, there are so many scenarios to choose from! It can be a bit mind-boggling at first, I know. Let's see, maybe we could imagine a scenario in which the niece or nephew of an executive appears to others in the office to get special treatment, easier workload, etc and another employee is up in arms about it. Or maybe two people in HR have both reviewed a resume from someone applying for work and one is very eager to call them in for an interview, while the other suggests "they've heard bad things about the person...etc" These are just a couple of suggestions. A strong introduction would be, an actual heading for the imaginary firm from which you are a consultant. And then begin by saying, "I have been invited by (____) to resolve a conflict between (___) and (___) at the (___) corporation. These are my findings...

I hope this has been helpful. Good luck

Scholarship / 'The Honor of Lane' - Lane Tech Alumni Scholarship [2]

The Honor of Lane is a phrase that strikes me as havehaving numerous meanings.
The Honor of Lane first strikes me... repetitive language...
You must find various ways of saying "it also strikes me.." such as "It makes me feel..., it sparks in me..., it compels me to believe...etc)

You have clearly and thoroughly depicted your representation of the word "honor" in the context of the assignment. Nicely done. As I said, though, beginning with the same words in almost every sentence is not a good idea. I have provided some alternate examples and a thesaurus is very handy as well.

:)

Writing Feedback / "The best way to give advice to other people .....attain it. [2]

.I, therefore, firmly believe the notion that yes, we should give the advice to the others, in a way they want to have it....well said When people ask for someone's advice then that person is inundated with various options and his mind is not helping him out in making a choice, so it is beneficial for him to ask for someone else's advice, who from outside can judge his situation under the given circumstances and can help him in giving some valuable advice.This sentence could be broken up a bit I think; it's too long

I've made a few slight revisions which you may find helpful. I like your view point here, it's interesting and makes a lot of sense. I think this is gret and would only further suggest that you strengthen your closing/summarizing statement a bit.

Good job and good luck!!

Writing Feedback / Pro Gun Ownership Research essay comments [2]

...generating the notion that that A weapon is always used for bad
...All non-criminal, law-abiding citizens should have the right to the ownership toOF a gun. ...IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY AND THE RIGHT OF EACH STATE to declare certain laws and regulations for gun ownership. ...

...Although the federal government has the right CONTROL OVER DECIDING whether or not gun ownership is unconstitutional or not,..
...Alisha Hector, who owns multiple guns, has taken a few classes on gun safety..
I have made a few grammatical revisions. In my opinion you may be relying a bit too heavily on your references and quotations. I realize this is a research project, it just may, however, be in your best interest to sort of work on interpretation rather than quotation to incorporate your own views in with the facts. Also, while that last sentence may be true, it is a fairly weak closing statement I'd say. All in all, this is good and I hope my feedback is of use to you.

Have fun in school and good luck!! :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Topic: Female Juvenile delinquency [3]

...To begin with, the first reason is that the younger women are usually sensitive to the trifles and sentimental to the loves... (the "sentimental to loves" part is very interesting because if crime is on the rise as a whole, and women are inclined to "go to bat for their lovers" this makes so much sense...good thinking:)...

This is a very well written essay. As you can see, I haven't made ANY grammatical or structural revisions. I am intrigued and inspired by your well stated opinions on this interesting and thought provoking matter. All I will advise is that you be sure you are using the most appropriate words for the sentences at hand, such as "frangibility". A thesaurus is always a helpful tool. Well, I hope this has been helpful; It looks really good as-is. Great work and good luck! :)

I'd be glad to assist you further should you ever need me.

Writing Feedback / 'I have a wonderful support system' - Planning and reflections Ashford [2]

When I first started online here at Ashford, I was really nervous on how much stuff I had forgotten.and feeling intimidated about having been out of the school routine.ButHowever...

I have defiantly? did you mean definitely? learned do notnot to be scared...

Ok, I made a couple of corrections but I think you're on the right track. Because you want to turn in a good paper/letter here, and because of the nature of it; focusing on your improvements as a student, those are added reasons that you must sharpen your grammar and sentence structure. I gave a few examples on how you could enhance your work with different language and I'll bet a thesaurus would benefit you a good deal.

I hope this helps. Take care and good luck :)

Essays / "Although hospitals do keep track of their performance..." Argumentative Essay Thesis [3]

Hello and welcome!!! My opinion is that you shouldn't second guess yourself. If this is the topic you have in mind for argumentative purposes, then clearly you know you can support the "theories" at hand. You might not want to say definitively "...ARE more driven by salary..." rather, "some staff members MAY be more inclined to keep their livelihood secure rather than cause a controversy surrounding the death or injury of a stranger.." or something like that. You might also want to mention, just for argumentative purposes, that a lot of decisions and policies among hospital personnel are driven by the need for protection from medical malpractice lawsuits, etc.

Something like that :). When you have finished with your essay I'd be glad to review it and other that that, just begin with a strong opening statement and follow it by fact and clarity in what you are defending. List what we have talked about and anything else you'd like to say in a clear and organized way and finish with a nice summary.

I hope this has been helpful. Good luck :)

Undergraduate / 'Essay about Unicorns; Greed still rules the human race' - U of M Honors [7]

Its silken mane seemed to float upon every passing breeze, and out of the very center of its forehead protruded a single, long and glistening spiraled horn.

The slender creatures fled into the forests, the seashores, the skies; but mankind's hands were cruel.

In today's world, true unicorns have almost completely disappeared.---I love that you said "...have ALMOST completely disappeared". You are an excellent writer!

I love the way you write! Thank you for breaking up my day with this sweet and thoughtful essay, it was a pleasure to read. Good luck with school and have fun! I look forward to reading more by you!

:)

Undergraduate / 'a software specialist' - Why did I choose my university and Goal of my study [3]

The program's curriculum is outstanding, as it consists of a wide range of courses to choose from.

Furthermore,Through discussion with my friends in theat [University Name], the atmosphere is friendly with many opportunities, such as financial packages, and sport teams.

One of my earliest wishes is to work in high-tech companies in the [Country Name].

I hope that the skills and knowledge I obtain from this program, in addition to my previous experience, will enable me to become a software specialist, which is my goal.

:)

Writing Feedback / My toefl essay - If you could change one thing about your hometown, what would it be? [2]

Thailand, the country in which I live...
Thus, there are several kinds of the facilities established throughout the city for making people's lives convenient and better than ever before
.The Sky train and subway systems are some of the most significant examples... We have had the fast communication system for several years ago. However, it is restricted to be located nearby downtown. So, if I could have a chance to change one thing, I would like to set up new routes for sky train and make them more prevalentaccessible than they now are...

...Therefore, I must take several steps till being at my office. It makes me inconvenientinconveniences me.On the other hand,In addition, if such a subway station were closely located in my neighborhood...,

For instance, if a new university were founded nearby where they live, students would not need to admission to other distant universities.(revise for clarity)

As the reasons stated above, if I could change one thing in my hometown, I would form new routes for subway transportation.

I have made some corrections; added and crossed out some things that I think would improve the flow here. I hope this has been helpful. Good job and good luck!

Student Talk / Is an instructor really necessary for writing a research paper ? [3]

That's a good question. It all depends on the topic of research, and the guidelines of the assignment. In my opinion, unless specifically instructed to write it "under someone" if you are doing a research paper on something you are very knowledgeable about and/or inspired by, you should be able to do it independently. If you provide me with a bit more information, maybe I could answer your question more clearly. Also, I would be more than happy to edit your project upon completion, if you wish. I hope this has been helpful. :)

Scholarship / Scholarship for Athletic Training Students [4]

A stronger opening statement would benefit your essay; maybe mention the word "inspiration; I have become inspired to..."
I spent a good part of my childhood in physical therapy clinics, hoping that one day I'd become onea physical therapist myself. As a part of my first year in the athletic training education program at Eastern, I observed many physical therapists and was almost convinced

felt inspired once again that I would become a physical therapist...
If awarded this scholarship, I will be one step closer toso grateful for the opportunity to realize my dreams of becoming the great athletic trainer...

I made a few minor adjustments and as long as you attach your contact info to your essay, I don't think you need to remind him to call :) I think you should just keep your closing statement clear and honest, "Thanks for your consideration, etc."

Overall, this is a very inspiring and well written essay and I wish you the best of luck!

Undergraduate / 'Wildlife around me' - Transfer Essay for Purdue University [2]

Ever since childhood, I have always been fascinated about the world around me, most especially wildlife.
My earliest memories of childhood always date back to my elementary school years, with my father. My father and I goingwould go to the local county parks which I recall quite fondly and am inspired by today..., ?

The first few years of my high school career were spent in a daze of laziness and dis-interest.
Near the end of high school I had to re-evaluate what I wanted out of my life,... .
My parents had provided me with all of the tools to succeed in education, and yet I had taken it all for granted,...
In applying to Purdue's College of Agriculture, I am attempting to correct all of the wrong choices I have made in the past concerning my education, and to hopefully be able to fully realize my dreams that I had managed to lose sight of. ..very well said :)

Purdue, in being a Land Grant Institution, has a great agricultural program, and one that I would be proud to be a part of
. The Wildlife Biology program in particular appears to have more than enough resources...
,
I made a few adjustments which I hope you find useful. Good job and good luck!!

Writing Feedback / IELTS: In certain cultures old age is considered to be more important [12]

Every cultures and society consists of varied mixture of different age group people...
SinceFor many years, it has been a controversial topic to identify what age group rendered most towardswas most deserving of society welfare...
Some people think that young people isare indispensable for the development of the society. Whereas, others contend that older people's contribution towards better society is colossal...

Admittedly, old people holds galoreIt is no secret that older people hold volumes of information and invaluable experience...
The fact that they are exposed to the real world for a good amount of year, make them perfectly capable and eligible for upholding the overall responsibility to make the society a better place to live in...< This last sentence is very nicely put:)

It is exceptedaccepted that younger generation...
To sum up, I would concede that people from all age group is important to society.Each age group people hasPeople of every age have their unique role and hold equal shares of responsibilities towards the progress of society.

Good job and good luck :)

Undergraduate / UC Davis wait list essay - Veterinary and research pursuits [3]

UC Davis is my first choice to continue my education for many reasons.---This should be part of your first paragraph.

I've always had a natural curiosity for investigation and experimentation, and the ability to participate in research as an undergraduate will be very exciting and would give me the confidence to pursue a graduate degree or career involving research.

Finally, the college-town feel of the campus and its friendly reputation, along with a beautiful setting and easy access to transportation back home are a great combination.

This is clear and to the point. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Graduate / My resolve to study finance was a direct consequence of failure in business I experienced [2]

My resolve to study finance was a direct consequence of the failure in business I experienced while in high school.

And we realized , at least I did, that our lack of financial knowledge was our undoing.

Moved by this interest, I pursued Actuarial Science at the undergraduate level.

But I quickly realized that I was more inclined towards the finance courses in my program, like corporate finance and mathematics of finance and investment.

As an undergraduate I had the privilege to serve as the organizing secretary and president in my second and third years respectively, of a renowned student music group known as Gospel Explosion.

Poverty is of great concern to me. In Africa, especially in my country, there are a lot of people that live just under a dollar.---Just under a dollar? A day? Please elaborate.

And A number of humanitarian groups, countries and individuals are trying to help the situation.

Your essay is pretty great! I did not cut any words or sentences, but may have added a few, sorry!
:)

Essays / what is a good one page essay stating your opinion on the death penalty? [4]

Well, my friend this is a very serious and contentious debate. When you say you are "all for it", then that is the opinion that you have a right to hold. Now you must demonstrate why you feel that it is a just system. If you truly feel that only some people deserve it, say so and explain why. If you have any thoughts on people having been wrongfully executed, you can mention that too. Remember, this is life and death so you don't necessarily have to be "all for" or "all against" it. If you feel exceptions should be made, express that. The point is to have enough information and feeling behind whatever you do say to make a proper and compelling essay. I hope this has been helpful. Good luck!!

Graduate / 'eliminate the eminent/obvious bridge' - Admission to Public Health Graduate programs [2]

Within the first few months, I witnessed doctors and lawyers often undervaluing both my mother's and mymine and my mother's thoughts...
Observing my mother's tireless and frustrating battles, I began to think about the challenges of being a healthcare professional.
While Conveying their experienced, educated and professional analysis and rationale in the midst of managing their many cases must havemost certainly added to the complexity of their responsibility.

As he shared his philosophy of integrating various perspectives, I found myselffelt so compelled/inspired to explore this area further.

I've made a few adjustments for you, should you choose to use them. I think this is inspiring and very well organized. I would also suggest that you strengthen your closing statement(s) just a bit more. Well done! Good luck and have fun in school :)

Undergraduate / 'I received the unfortunate news' admission essay explaining prior academic dismissal [6]

I accept full responsibility for my actions throughout thisthat year and the grades I produced that caused this outcome...
With little prior workingWith a lack of prior work experience I was terrified at the thought of jumping right into a career...
It was about halfway into the spring semester that I realized I had immersed myself into something I was utterly unprepared for...

Sounds like a lot of weight landed on your shoulders at once and you have provided a very honest and heartfelt representation of that. It does not, in any way appear as though you have passed blame or made excuses..the hardships and tragedies leading to your downfall is an example of the "the nature of the beast" called life. It happens. I do, however, suggest you condense the tragic events a bit and in adding to your closing statements, you could shed some light on the steps you have taken to try to heal emotionally. It would be good to show that in this lesson you have taken the initiative to learn from these mistakes and become more mentally, emotionally prepared. So any therapy, counselling, medication, positive life-changing, meditation, etc. you (hopefully) have participated in would be good to talk about because it would show a desire to avoid past mistakes. Good luck to you!!! I hope this is the beginning of the life of your dreams. Remember, "that which does not kill us only makes us stronger".

Writing Feedback / IELTS topic. Behaviour in school is getting worse [6]

Dealing with bad behaviour at school has never been an easy task. While this is a true statement, I don't feel it is a proper introduction. You might consider beginning with something like "The behavior of students has grown increasingly poor...)

One of the main reasons whichthings that contributeleads to bad behaviour in many schools is the lack of discipline.
In 2010, the Association of Teachers pointed out that a quarter of members had been physically attacked by pupils during classes, with stuffstaff being pushed, scratched, bitten and even kicked. One solution is that schools should inforceenforce clear rules for every type of misbehaving, so that students would be harshly punished if they misbehavedbecame reckless, disrespectful or out of control....(I just added a few descriptive examples to avoid using "misbehaving and misbehavior " in the same sentence to avoid redundancy).

I have made a few minor revisions which I hope you find helpful and I really like the way you put forth your feelings on this matter, especially the conclusion. Good job and good luck:)

Scholarship / My financial need makes my academic aspirations a lofty one- scholarship essay [3]

WOW!!! I have to say this is one of the best essays I have EVER had the privilege to examine. You have demonstrated your purpose, your passion and determination so articulately. Your knowledge and drive regarding your course of study and aspirations are so abundantly clear. In fact, this is so well written that I couldn't even find one grammatical error-nevermind structure revisions...and that's my job!!! :) Just a suggestion, you could elaborate just a little more on the financial aspect if you so decide but honestly, everything else you said, in my opinion should ABSOLUTELY be worthy of the scholarship you are applying for. I don't know if this has been helpful because I didn't really change a thing. My feedback is that you have bordered on perfection with this writing. :) Best of luck to you!

Writing Feedback / 'Online classes versus conventional classes' - my argumentative essay [4]

Online classes versus conventional classes
Have you ever taken an online class?In my opinion, this question should not be your opening statement; rather the following sentence should be...

For example, my friend Gisselle was taking an online class, and she didn't understand a concept, so she stopped the lesson, took a break and then sitsat down again.

It was how she could get it.just what she needed to understand the lesson.
For instance, when I started ESLW-04 in September, the first thing I did was telling the professor...
To conclude,In conclusion,
Being a good student is not easy, but it is the beginning for those who want a rewarding professional career.

I have made a few slight corrections and revisions, but all in all, great job!! :)

Writing Feedback / 'all companies want to have a good business life' - Importance of Business Strategy [3]

Unfortunately, all companies don't realize their aims only some of them reach to success so other companies should observe successful companies watchfully. ..this sentence could use a little clarification.

Companies take note of development and market analysts know that it depends on havehaving a strong economy so executives always consider this. Therefore, specification of an economic strategy is popular in these days. even it has become a jobit has even become a job

.
I have made just a few revisions. I think you have demonstrated your point quite effectively and your essay/chart combination looks great! I would only suggest that you go over the grammar just a bit and develop a clearer closing statement. I hope this has been helpful! Good luck

Letters / Letter of Motivation - explaining some bad fate [3]

Alright first of all, I think the letter sounds great. You have accurately and meaningfully illustrated your intents, purposes, that your past wasn't easy, and hopes for the future. I believe that your honesty and passion about the field of your choosing will get you where you want to be.

To answer your questions: It is ok not to mention how your passion developed. The point is that it's there. And your wonder of whether people who had never been in your predicament could still respect it? I would hope so, it's called humanity. Lastly, the seafood comment should stay; it adds a lighthearted touch to a somewhat intense and possibly stressful set of circumstances right? I think you've dome a great job and should stop second-guessing yourself.

Hopefully this has been helpful :)

Essays / I have to write an analytical essay on the childrens book Sunday Chutney. [3]

Hello there. So first you must analyze the book thoroughly in order to write an analytical essay about it. This means searching for the a fore mentioned deeper meanings, themes, messages, values, etc. Once you have a solid foundation for your understanding of the book, develop a clear and bold opening statement for your essay. Then you should try and divide your analysis into categories, to be able to clearly represent your interpretation for it. Just be clear, use structure and write what you feel. As long as you do that, and end with a nice summary, you'll do great. I hope this has been helpful :)

Undergraduate / 'Radiography and passion to help others' - admissions essay [3]

First of all, you are not "wrong" by being honest. And if your passionate feelings and discussion about the career you wish to have is creative, that is wonderful. I don't believe that just because others' statements may have been more scientific and direct (or whatever you noticed about them that differed from yours) makes yours inadequate. Upon reading your introduction I was impressed and was curious about the rest of it! I think you should stop second-guessing yourself and follow your heart. How can that be wrong? :)

This looks great so far. Good luck!!

Writing Feedback / GRE issue question about the value of scandals [3]

Whether it has to do with a socialites failed marriage or a politicians indiscretions, they are waiting and willing to distract you from the mundane occurrences of life....(also to distract from corruptions and ACTUAL scandals in politics:)

While everyone may need a distraction scandals teeter the dangerous line between factual and opinion and blur the truth with gritty details and salacious whispers. Scandals can never be completely useful because they not only distract one from the intricate details that scaffold these problems, are innately biased, and often simplify the larger issues of society... Very nicely put

A scandal makes one believe that isif you solve the scandal...

Wow! This is excellent. I have only made a few minor revisions. There are quite a few places that you should add a comma, which I'm sure you'll find upon another revision of your own, but seriously, this is a very good response to your assignment. Honestly, I don't think you should change it much more than what I have given as feedback. I hope this has been helpful.

Good job and good luck

Writing Feedback / Essay on cooperation between nations [3]

No country can progress without cooperation withfrom other countries. You could say "It would be very difficult for a country to progress...
Success is something people can achieve easier when they cooperate with one another, than running towards it individually... (I really like the way you said that :)No country has all of what it needs and every nation needs to be in cooperation with others to be strong and offer its citizens prosperity and happiness. The core of this essay is showing the advantages of cooperation between nations...this last sentence would actually be a perfect opening statement

Parctising this less disagreements are to be between countries and here would be no need for wars.Practicing the act of peaceful cooperation would greatly reduce or maybe even eliminate the potential for war...that sounds a bit more clear

Wow, this is BEAUTIFUL! I hope you win a Nobel peace prize someday, you are a very progressive and intelligent sounding person and I thoroughly enjoyed reading this essay! I'm not sure where you're from but just as a possibility, you might consider sharing some personal or specific examples of countries/conflicts/resolutions/trade etc. that you have been directly affiliated with. Either that or maybe a specific example in general. Just a thought. Well, I made a few revisions; your grammar needs a bit of polishing up but your message was quite clear and I wish more people thought like you Ismail.

Good Job and good luck!!

Writing Feedback / Common Forms of Fraud [2]

Common Forms of Fraud

In that case fraud sometimes comes first. Fraud is illegalI would omit such a statement of the obvious.
It can be done for personal gain or toand can damage another individual.
Nowadays , there are many forms of fraud such as: auction fraud, financial fraud, identity fraud, software piracy, and lottery fraud. Among them, software piracy, auction fraud, and identity fraud are considered asthe most importantserious forms. of frauds.

Finally, the identity fraud is the most serious form of frauds.
To sum up, we have to be careful about these frauds. If we don't beremain aware of this type of situations, we'll be the victim.

I made some revisions where I saw fit, hopefully you'll find them useful. Also, I suggest you add a bit more content and less use of the actual word "fraud" itself. The reader has been made aware that fraud is, in fact the topic of your essay. Excessive usage of the word may sound redundant.

Good job and have fun in school :)

Writing Feedback / to what extent should government be able to censor television or radio programs [3]

Some people believe that such shows should be carefully examined by the censor board members before airing them to the general public; while others are from totally different school of thought ;believing ,that to censor or ban programs from being aired is against the human rights to express. This last sentence is too long, I'd suggest making two out of it.

It seems as though you have some very strong views on this matter and have done a great job of conveying them. I think you should clarify the "to what extent..." part of the assignment because although you have expressed that censorship should take place, you did not list too many specific ideas on how/when/where it should be done. Does that make sense? At any rate this looks good:) One small detail: you don't have to put a space before the comma in your sentences.

I hope this has helped you.

Scholarship / Essay to Teach Abroad for 1 year [2]

Let me start by saying that your opening paragraph is beautiful :)
But as I wrestle more with its possibility, I find myself well suited for, and willing to accept,I wouldn't make statements that indicate you are not ABSOLUTELY sure :) ...maybe a past tense "wrestlED" with would be more appropriate

Alright, this is about as close to flawless as it gets, here. You are an articulate and poetic writer; I really enjoyed the feeling and imagery you provided. All I can further advise would be to consider more greatly emphasizing your role(s) as a teacher/leader. I am inspired by your story and sincerely hope you are able to continue down the path you are on.

Nice job and good luck!

Speeches / Speech: "The Influences of Greek Culture on Sophocles' Oedipus" [3]

Hello! I think that your opening paragraph should reach a more of a broad spectrum introduction. Although your speech is specifically surrounding this play and it's creator, 15 minutes is quite a space to fill. What I would do is start by speaking a bit on Greek mythology, gods and goddesses as whole, cultures, traditions, oddities,etc Then, work your way towards sharing all of the feedback you would like on how these customs may have influenced the play itself. Add some of your own sentiments, thoughts, beliefs, etc. Perhaps you could find ways to relate personally, (to fill time). All of the topics on your list are perfect and completely relevant and I would only further advise you to speak calmly, breathe a lot, don't underestimate the power of pausing after or in the middle of a statement for dramatic effect either!

Good job so far and good luck!

Graduate / Philosophy on Education (experimental essay for submission) [3]

My Philosophy on Education is the belief that the passion to learn, the commitment to succeed, and the motivation to try, are the passage through the core...

When I was a young child, I always wanted to show people the things I had learned through my family, friends, manuals, and teachers.

Then, ---no comma here--- I entered the field of teaching, where I was able to present to an audience of children, various techniques in reading, writing, and arithmetic under the auspices of the head teacher.

Let aloneAlso , I wanted to help those whom where much more of a challenge than others.

An adulating engagement with the student, while promoting encouragement, and confidence in performing tasks has its role in part with the learning process.

Once the student becomes self sufficient, then the teaching has effectively accomplished its goal .

In conclusion, my goal as a teacher is to provide to in each and every student with the necessary skills and knowledge so they can succeed on their own.

I want to leave a memory of myself as a teacher who was not afraid to roll up the sleeves to help another student in any way and influenced others to do the right thing.

:)

Book Reports / The Chrysalids essay (response to the Chrysalids by John Wyndham) [2]

The book title embodies the biological term Chrysalis, which is the pupae stage of butterflies while in a stage of motionlessness.

Joseph Strorm is the main protagonist character of the Waknut community and represents the casing of the pupa's .

His beliefs and actions are denoted in his attempt at sustaining continuity to the chrysalis stage.

His criticism was founded on the book of Repentances unearthed in Labrador and written after the tribulation of the Old People had occurred.

Joseph's oppressive and exploitative leadership style makes him a precarious and controlling nemesis to other members of his society that may be amidst transformation unfamiliar to Waknut normalcy.

:)

Writing Feedback / Accident or Murder? The corruption on the entertainment business. [2]

Was Anna killed or was it just an accident? Doing research has lead me to believe that it was no accident. do not end paragraph here

. This is severelystrikingly close to the way his mother was found dead five months later.
For example, if all of my facts wherewere to be proven it still does not mean one hundred percent that Anna Nicole Smith was murdered instead of dying accidentally and that the "Social Elite" had taken her life.

You don't necessarily have to say "my argument" because the assignment appears to ask you to start a debate and discuss both sides without actually taking one, if I am understanding it correctly. So it might be a good idea not choose a side, despite your strong views on this topic you have chosen. That being said, maybe elaborate a bit more on how the people that do believe these stories just as they were reported could and often do view these matters as unfortunate accidents, overdoses, etc. You know what I mean? Supply fairly even amounts of discussion to support both sides so as to create a good debate. Also, whether or not you take my advice and try to be more neutral and objective, I feel you should shorten and strengthen the opening sentence and paragraph - it's a bit choppy. Try to organize both sides of the argument and your own thoughts a little more clearly.

Very interesting too, by the way. I like correcting essays that are fun to read. I hope this has been helpful. Good luck and have fun in school

Scholarship / (Biotechnology education) Apply for Research Studentship [2]

Dear Sir/Madam/ Members of Research Committee, (you could also skip "Dear ___ " all together since you are unsure of whom to address.

In 2011 I was presented a paper please elaborate on the nature of this paper :) in International Conference NHBT-2011 on Chromium Toxicity and reduction of toxic Chromium.

. Also one research paper sendwas sent to Water in Mining 2012: 3rd International Congress on Water Management in the Mining Industry.
I also have several conferences and publications that are listed in my CV. several=pluralization

I have enclosed the application form, my CV, certificate and transcript. I look forward to hear from you soon. Thank you very much for your consideration.

.P lease find attached files. If you require any additional materials or information, I am happy to supply it. Thank you very much for your consideration.

Sincerely,

Good job. I think the first two paragraphs could be shortened and your history a little more clearly explained; not so repetitive.
Also, naturally it is very science/education/work oriented, however I suggest you replace some of the credential repetition with maybe some feelings and life experiences related to your goals. Include why you love this work and are passionate about it. I really think that would round this already nicely written paper perfectly.

Thanks, Good luck.

Writing Feedback / The life in Perth [2]

I have lived in Perth since I arrived.
I have studied English at the Curtin University for two weeks .And I`ve visited Perth city centre and Cannington.
I went to Perth for visa renewal, and I have seen the high buildings and a lot of people. (end sentence) [s]cars, and theI was fascinated by the new roadsatwith all of the organized and quick traffic. I liked everything at Perth, and I would like visit it many times.

About Cannington, I go to it every day, sometimes for shopping, but it is very tranquil.
I would like visit a lot of places in Perth, such sea, parks, and clubs.

Hello! I don't know how long this project is supposed to be but either way I am advising you to elaborate quite a bit. If you haven't been in Perth long enough to know all there is about it, you could add to what you do know about it and would like to do. For example, you could talk about the specifics of where you want to travel within the area. Also, some sensory information (such as the smells, the sounds, tastes, feelings etc) would help round out this work a bit better.

I hope that helps :) .