Undergraduate / Fat Kid on The Swim Team: Common App Essay [11]

Looking for some feedback on my common app essay. Applying to many top schools (HYSP and Brown) and LACs (Amherst, Williams, Swarthmore). Thanks!

The Fat Kid On the Swim Team

There are few things in life as absurd and unexpected as a 250-pound high school student in a tight Speedo preparing to dive into an icy pool. As he hits the water, the huge splash soaks the timer on deck. Children squeal and onlookers gasp. And yet as ridiculous as I know it looks, this is me, four months out of every year.

Being a member of the Andover High School swim team has been an exercise in perseverance. In middle school, the head coach wrote me off before I ever dove into the pool. She saw a fat kid and made a judgment based on appearance alone. Luckily, a young assistant coach looked beyond my stomach and allowed me the opportunity to compete. To the surprise of spectators, coaches, my parents and even myself, I wasn't half bad. As my father overheard at a parent meeting; "he's pretty fast for a big guy."

However, I was not quite prepared for the intensity and commitment of high school varsity athletics. My weight made dry-land exercises and swim workouts painfully difficult. During my first year, there were moments when I felt that swimming one more lap would be unbearable. Encouraged by the support of my teammates and family, I decided to stick with the team. Without a doubt, that was the best decision I made during my high school career.

Our swim team has a very different ambiance than other high school sports teams. There are no cuts, no one gets benched, and there is no first string. Everyone has the opportunity to participate and strive to improve on their previous best times. Although it is a team sport, one's success is largely individual. Achieving a personal best time is just as important as a team victory. Because of these unique attributes, the swim team attracts a very diverse group of athletes. Our team encompasses the entire spectrum of high school students; ranging from me, the fat kid, to Joe, the champion, to Alex, the Special Olympics competitor with Down syndrome. The environment of acceptance helped me find a place to develop as an athlete and a human being.

I am perfectly comfortable promoting the school musical or an upcoming band performance in the locker room. In fact, chances are my teammates are either involved, or plan to attend. We also take pride in our academic achievement with a team grade point average that was highest in the state. Only in the swim locker room can you witness philosophical discussion, culinary critiques, and an occasional rendition of the Lion King's "Circle of Life", all during the course of one shower.

Of the multitude of lessons learned from swim team, not a single one has been determined by winning a race. The end result is insignificant when compared to the process. I may never qualify for the state meet, or for that matter, even win first place in a race. In fact, I have swum in lane two (one of the slower lanes) for almost my entire high school swimming career. Yet, the importance of sportsmanship and teamwork has forever been engrained in me. I am reminded of a meet in which Alex misunderstood the length of his race. After two laps of a four lap race, he stopped. The entire team cheered for him to continue and erupted in celebration when he finished the race, and not in last place, either.

While the meets are certainly the focus of the team, the bulk of our time together is spent in intense and often tedious training. However, the work ethic I developed from 6:00 AM, weekend, and winter break practices is invaluable. This past season, my efforts began to pay off. Inspired by my grandmother's sixty pound weight loss, I changed my dietary habits and the results were astounding. At the season's conclusion, I was the 210-pound swimmer diving into the pool. While still "overweight," the forty-pound difference improved my times dramatically and gave me a sense of accomplishment I had never felt before. And, at the end of the year, I was honored to be elected a team captain for the 2010-2011 season. Despite my lack of natural athleticism and fitness, I am inspired by the respect I have gained from my peers. My weight may inhibit record-breaking times, but, in the end, it will not define me.

Undergraduate / Common App Extracurricular - Forensics [3]

Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

At my school, forensics (competitive public speaking) is not taken lightly. Competitors perform in categories ranging from sales to impromptu speaking. My category, multiple interpretation, involves eight competitors working together to perform a fifteen minute condensed version of a play or musical. The entire production is organized and executed by students, including cutting the script, arranging the music, and blocking the performance. Arduous daily rehearsals inevitably result in conflict. However, these predictable power struggles and petty feuds can teach the most important lessons. Working together, taking direction and learning to rein in one's opinion are incredibly useful skills. This spring, our multiple rendition of "Next to Normal" won the state championship. Holding that first place trophy instantly validated our efforts. As the summer draws to a close, the process begins again. Directing next year's multiple is a challenge I welcome. I am confident the experience will once again be extraordinary.

Let me know what you think. It is exactly 150 words as of now.

Undergraduate / "Literature is the best way to overcome death"- Amherst Supplement- Reply to quote [6]

Below is the quote I responded to. Below that is my response. Let me know what you think, I struggled a bit with this one, all the quotes were very wordy and confusing.

2.
"Literature is the best way to overcome death. My father, as I said, is an actor. He's the happiest man on earth when he's performing, but when the show is over, he's sad and troubled. I wish he could live in the eternal present, because in the theater everything remains in memories and photographs. Literature, on the other hand, allows you to live in the present and to remain in the pantheon of the future.

Literature is a way to say, I was here, this is what I thought, this is what I perceived. This is my signature, this is my name."

Ilan Stavans, Professor of Spanish, Amherst College
From "The Writer in Exile: an interview with Ilan Stavans" by Saideh Pakravan for the fall 1993 issue of The Literary Review

Amherst Supplemental Essay (Quote #2)
Mr. McGee, our technical director, rose from his chair, tears flowing down his face. He began his speech to the cast and crew, discussing the messages the show offered. He confessed that every evening during the performance, he would sit in the back of the theater and cry. Twelve years earlier, his brother committed suicide after discovering he had AIDS, and as Mr. McGee watched our production of "Rent," he was able to mourn for the first time since the incident.

Stavans argues that literature is superior to theater because it allows you to remain in the pantheon of the future. I wholeheartedly disagree with his assertion. He fails to see that theater, too, can be a signature. While the performance itself is fleeting, the effect on the lives of the actors and audience endures.

The theater community constantly speaks of the "power of the theater." I never fully understood this until the moment Mr. McGee spoke. Looking back on "Rent," I realize how special the experience was. The show tackles so many issues, from homosexuality and AIDS, to the danger of corporate America. It had a profound impact on my life. It is one thing to read about these struggles; it is quite another to immerse yourself into the character on stage and live through them.

Written words on a page may be powerful, but often it is the stage that brings them to life. I believe Stavans presents an unsophisticated view of theater to say that it carries less weight than literature. The fact that the combined voices of me and my fellow actors possessed the intensity to bring a hardened ex-marine to tears is incredibly moving. Our performance may have changed only one man's life, but it helped him transcend his sadness and troubles.

Undergraduate / "A soothing oasis - Why Swarthmore?" - Swarthmore Supplement [9]

Essay prompt asks what draws you to Swarthmore - here is my attempt

3000 species of plants. 1500 students. Among oftentimes mind-numbing college tours, this quirky fact stuck with me long after my spring break college visits concluded. I have never thought of myself as a man of nature. In fact, most days, I choose the artificial light of a computer screen or the chlorinated water of a pool as opposed to the tranquility of nature. However, as I toured the campus, I was awestruck by the beauty. Perhaps my air-conditioner had a rival at last.

Within half an hour of arriving, I was smitten with Swarthmore. As I walked to Parrish for the information session, I saw barbed wire and uniformed men blocking the entrance. I approached cautiously, struck by the contrast with the beauty of the surroundings, yet intrigued nonetheless. As it turns out, several students were conducting a realistic simulation of an Israeli checkpoint. Raised in a starkly pro-Israel, Jewish family, unbiased discussion about the Middle East is rare. Swarthmore affords the opportunity to let all views be heard by participating in an activist campus, brimming with life and political discourse. I welcome it with open arms and an open mind.

As an aspiring historian, I look forward to studying conflicts such as the Arab-Israeli crisis. Through Swarthmore's one-of-a-kind interpretation theory minor, I can analyze the historiography behind critical events. The ability to focus on theory through cross-disciplinary study is unique and something I hope to take advantage of at Swarthmore.

At first I viewed the political demonstration as a harsh contrast with the picturesque campus. Yet, I now recognize that, rather than opposites, the two are complementary. Although the scenery is aesthetically appealing and the demonstration certainly is not, the barbed wire represents a different kind of beauty. An academic community that values differing opinions is intellectually beautiful. And a campus that includes both will enable me to blossom.

Undergraduate / "Why I Do Theater" - Yale Supplement [6]

Mr. McGee, our technical director, rose from his chair, tears building in his eyes. He began his speech to the cast and crew about the show's meaning to him. He confessed that every evening during the performance, he would sit in the back of the theater and cry. Twelve years earlier, his brother committed suicide after discovering he had AIDS, and as Mr. McGee watched our production of "Rent," he was able to mourn for the first time. That moment drastically changed my view of theater and, in some ways, of life itself.

Occasionally, people ask me why I am involved in theater. Before Rent, I was unsure how to respond. "Because I love to sing and dancing is fun too! Because my friends do it? Because I like cast parties?" Then I realized the answer was simple. By the dimming of lights and the donning of costumes, my cast mates and I transform the audience's world. No longer were they in Michigan, but in 1980s New York City. No longer in the affluence of our neighborhood, but the poverty of the AIDS-stricken Bohemian tent cities. We took Mr. McGee back to a painful moment in his life. We helped him come to terms with the reality of what had occurred. The healing process could now begin.

And yet, in all honesty, I don't do theater for others. I do it for myself. There is no greater feeling than an audience furiously applauding at a curtain call. And there is no greater growth than that which theater cultivates. The plethora of activities in which I am involved are all wonderful experiences, but nothing can compare to performing on the stage. The opening night of Rent was one I will remember for as long as I live. For the first time I truly understood the message. I connected with the suffering of the characters; I stepped into someone else's existence. My paradigms instantly shifted.

I am affected. As we sang the finale, I stopped to listen to the lyrics. "No day but today." Why should the characters we were portraying live their lives more fully than I live my own? I now appreciate the little things - coffee with a friend or dinner with my elderly grandparents. The carpe diem mentality permeates my daily life. Every home-cooked meal, every band concert and every otherwise ordinary moment is unique. Life, like the performance, is fleeting.

Now when people question my motivation for performing, I have a more fulfilling answer. I think back to Mr. McGee, the man usually yelling about spotlight accuracy or sound quality. Yet, through the combination of simple harmonies and lyrics my friends and I reduced this hardened ex-Marine to tears. That kind of power is emotionally moving. I think back to that moment often. After much ado, my answer to the question: the more I portray others, the more I learn about myself.

Undergraduate / "I love argyle." - Stanford Roommate Letter [7]

Dear Roomie,

I love argyle. Cross-hatching diamonds, different colors, dotted lines; what's not to love? You can wear an argyle sweater with jeans, an argyle shirt with dress pants or even argyle pajamas, if you're a real risk taker. In one day, I could go through three different outfits, all of which incorporate argyle! Although I know I sound like a prime candidate for TLC's "What Not to Wear," I assure you, there's more to it than that.

My personality and interests are a dynamic blend, just like argyle. I love to explore new ideas and activities. I'm truly up for anything. Maybe you'll take me to a lacrosse game or an African dance festival. Likewise, I'll drag you to an a capella concert and a swim meet. I'll expose you to show tunes, you can play me your favorite death metal bands. My matzah, your eggnog. Together we can create a unique educational blend unattainable without the other.

I'm confident the argyle sweater of our college experience will be brightly colored and hopefully very comfortable. I'm so excited to begin that journey together. Our dorm room is going to be amazing. I'm bringing surround sound speakers, a futon and some of my mom's banana bread (which is delectable). And please, don't be scared; I swear to you, the argyle was just a metaphor. Well, mostly. You might catch me wearing a sweater or two.

Your Future Roommate,

Michael

Undergraduate / Why Stanford "California Girls" [4]

What makes Stanford a good place for you?

As philosopher and songsmith Katy Perry once said, "California Girls, we're unforgettable." As my college experience nears, I have taken her wisdom-filled words to heart. All joking aside, while I do yearn for a Katy-Perry like educational utopia, there are more serious reasons for my interest in Stanford.

Throughout high school, I have taken advantage of almost every history class offered. I was especially intrigued by the modern European societal structures I studied junior year. At Stanford, I hope to take advantage of the "History and Law" interdisciplinary track. It perfectly melds my currrent interests, allowing me to approach them from a variety of perspectives. All of the classes in the methodological cluster sound engaging, most of all "History of European Law." In addition, the program offers the opportunity to take classes at the law school, which would help confirm my interest in becoming a lawyer. Moreover, Stanford's unique quarter system allows one to take more courses than most other schools, which is a wonderful way to experience a wide selection of professors and topics.

Most of all, Stanford would draw me out of my comfort zone. I look forward to having my religious and political views challenged by some of the smartest, most diverse students in the world. It also doesn't hurt that the weather is a vast improvement over Detroit's, where it seems to always be precipitating in one fashion or another. While Katy Perry's vivid descriptions may draw me to the Stanford campus, I know the world-class educational opportunities will keep me there.

All comments appreciated.

Undergraduate / Intellectual Vitality - Stanford "Supreme Court Project" [4]

"Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging."

Mr. Sugg, my AP American Government teacher, launched into a speech about our upcoming project. I groaned. "A project after the AP test? Come on, Mr. Sugg!" He continued, explaining that each of us had to research a prominent U.S. Supreme Court case and deliver a presentation. At first, I was unexcited, to say the least, viewing it as busy work and a waste time before summer vacation. I was indeed surprised to find that it was one of my most enjoyable high school academic experiences.

My case, New Jersey vs. T.L.O., revolves around the legality of a purse search at a high school. At first glance, the case frustrated me. I am a relentless proponent of individual rights and the court declared the search constitutional, a decision with which I disagreed. I wanted to find out why. I was fortunate to have the use of my father's legal resources. I researched and read all of the lower, appellate and Supreme court majority and dissenting opinions. Ultimately, I found that I actually agreed with the majority's logic in upholding the search.

The assignment not only piqued my interest in the law, it also taught me a valuable lesson: what at first seems obvious is not always so. As the cliché goes, "there is more to it than meets the eye." I stepped back to evaluate my viewpoint and realized I had made an error in my initial assessment. I take pride in my ability to reason, and this assignment epitomized the kind of intellectual conundrum I relish.

Short and sweet. It is a few words over so if there are any unnecessary words, please advise me about them. Thanks in advance.