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Posts by sa1na
Name: Saina Ghadiany
Joined: Sep 18, 2014
Last Post: Oct 18, 2014
Threads: 9
Posts: 72  
From: Islamic Republic of Iran
School: Kherad

Displayed posts: 81 / page 1 of 3
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sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to your interest? [6]

This is my essay about the topic. It cannot be longer owing to the word limit. I would be grateful if you could mention the problems.

How I can understand everything better, how different I think about the problems in comparison with others, and the different and unique solutions I can find for problems because of my knowledge about computer are what have increased my interest in computer science. As time passes, I feel prouder about my knowledge in this field, and feel more eager to increase it. Moreover, computer science is a science that has no limits in it; no one is going to stop you from developing your knowledge and you always have the chance to create something new and individual.

In addition to routine school works related to computer science, I have participated in four different projects as a member of the computer part of the project. I have learnt to program with four different computer programming languages, and becoming better at this skill has increased my interest in this field simultaneously.
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Increase in flights - IELTS WRITING TASK 2. [2]

My tips:

1. popular transports - popular ways of transportation

2. caused various concerns that will be discussed in this essay. - it is better to say : caused various concerns; (then continue. Do not mention in this essay, below, above, or things like this)

3. because it enables people to spend less time on the way to their destinations(; moreover,) they do not face time-consuming problems.

4. New York(,) lots

5. brought by airplane (companies maybe) (,) and consumers
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / Many applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to your interest? [6]

I thought about your words, all of you, and thank to you I finally found out why I did not like this essay at all. I changed it in the following way: let me know if it looks better and less solid :)

The computer's world does not show its power until you start to understand it. Afterwards, the changes in how you see the world are what keep you going forward. Everything seems different, clearer, brighter, and even more logical. No one but a programmer can understand this evolution comprehensibly. More you learn about this world, more eager you become.

After participating in numerous projects related to computer science, and participating in different robotic competitions, I feel that nothing can seal me from flourishing in this world. A lucky person is who had found what in the world best fits them. When you find your place in the world, all your organs call you to catch the chance to stay in it.

I have experienced a great deal of situations in different, sometimes even not related, fields before finding my real interest, and these understandings are what make my choice worthwhile, and are what ensure me of the validity of my choices.
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS - young people's challenges in major cities [7]

two key problems facing those young adults - I believe it's better to say those young adults are facing the problems, not the other way around.

In general,it was a good essay with no noteworthy error.
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / The computer's world does not show its power until you start to understand it; Collage Application [4]

Thanks to everyone helping with the first part in my past thread. I changed it a lot and would be grateful to hear your thoughts.

Word limit : 500

any applicants to college are unsure about eventual majors. What factors led you to your interest?

The computer's world does not show its power until you start to understand it. Afterwards, the changes in how you see the world are what keep you going forward. Everything seems more logical. No one but a programmer can understand this evolution comprehensibly. More you learn about this world, more eager you become. Right now, after all these years of programming, I believe the one thing making me joyful is knowing that I have a program to work on. Programming is not anymore a job, but is a joyful and relaxing hobby on which I am willing to spend even my spare time.

What concept in your anticipated major were you most proud of mastering?

When you are doing a project, mostly there is a teacher helping you and ensuring you that everything is going to be done by the deadline. However, for the 2013 IranOpen, my situation was nowhere near comfortable. I had to work with the Kinect sensor, in a limited, short time, and without the presence of anyone familiar with the sensor. It came across as impossible for anyone who knew about the situation.

However, I was a programmers, confident about my skills and abilities.
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Describe a scene at a school canteen during recess. [2]

I believe in the first paragraph instead of some of the dots (like the last one), you can use (;). Also in the second paragraph :D

But, for them, they do not actually much care about that. - However, they do not actually care at all(maybe, to exaggerate!) about that.

(are engaged) engage in their chit cha

And also there are some (and it excessive in here)

their joy is no more - not a good sentence. Maybe, there is no more joy left for them.

just left (vacate), leaving the - or maybe you can say : No more students in the isolated,messy canteen.

In general, you completely successfully reminded me of the real recess we had when we were younger. Good describing. ;)
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / 'My initial interest in attending the United States Naval Academy came from living around water' [2]

My initial interest in attending the United States Naval Academy came -comes- from living -having lived around water all my life,

my life, -instead use :- or -owing to the fact that- I have family and friends who have been at or are still -still are- in the Naval Academy

California -,- I have came

These are the same qualities I find in my friends and family who are serving or have served -in the navy- and -also -they are the same qualities I'd want to have.

US News and World Report rank - have been ranking- the Academy -here needs a preposition, I don't know what though- the #1 top public school three years in a row.

needed -,- ( both mentally and physically) -,-

The summer of junior year, I knew that if I -would treat- treated my body right and ran with the top runners everyday, I had -would have a likely chance of making varsity.

always saying I can -could (it sounds better here)- do more.

helping them to a podium finish. -helping them to get to -
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Graduate / Growing world population requires more food from agriculture, water, energy, goods - Engineering SOP [2]

energy, -and - goods

processing -,- and distributing our basic food

agricultural engineers is -are- conceived

intelligence -,- and other software

Although-however (maybe! what do you want to say here??) -, Agricultural Engineering had -has- a diverse educational background, usually focusing their expertise on one of the following speciality areas to interest individuals:

Study -ing- and test -ing- energy options

is part of energy study. -are parts-

seek ways to control soil erosion, and study the environmental effects of sediment on water quality is part process of soil and water recourse engineering application for Agriculture Engineers, to name a few. (you have error in parallelism here, the verbs' tenses are not alike) -seeking ways to control soil erosion, and studying the environmental effects of sediment on water quality are part of process-

enter -ing- the workforce by being offered

community activities;-,- and assuming responsibility for the profession/ (you cannot use semicolon here)

With this interest -,- I am strongly motivated to

Your errors were all tiny and immaterial, good job ;)
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Writing Feedback / Topic: Modern agriculture. Toefl exam! [4]

I think it is stupid -this sounds so harsh. maybe unintelligent is a better option-

makes my -me- doubt myself. or -makes me doubtful -

However,a talk with my illiterate grandma makes my doubt myself. She told me that,she is the generation deeply suffering from hunger and poverty.

1. you should change makes or told. They do not match.
2. Grandmother
3. She told me that she is the generation deeply suffered from hunger and poverty

she is-had been- young,a full meal is-had been- all her and her generation's dream and purpose,not to mention a delicious and tasty one with meat.

we are no longer suffer -suffering- from empty stomach (not a good word.) -lack of food, starvation-

We do not know -have- any skills or knowledge

This makes -me- wonder if providing food for the growing population is more important than protecting environment?
- whether providing food for the growing population is more important than protecting the environment.
without deeply research - deeply researching -

I have read a case about Florida,the citric industry there famous all over the word. -their critic industry is famous -

Wetlands have the effects to -of adjusting-adjust to the environment,in general,they make the local climate warmer.-making the local climate warmer-

Ecosystems are damaged as the organisms tend -tending- to live in wetlands environments died -die- or migrated -migrate- to other habitats and this in return makes it difficult or even impossible to reverse the process.

This lesson makes me realize,-that- before modern

turns out not only... but also the suffering of agriculture and thus human.
You should omit turns out. It does not make sense here .
-otherwise, the actions without deep consideration often would cause not only the damage..

I also wonders ,as a part of the Earth (does not make sense really, change it to something like as a part of the society, or something like this), if human-s- -,as a matter of fact,- has -have- to damage environment to develop agriculture.

ecosystem are-is a- very really popular research field nowadays which makes the importance of protecting environment as a common sense

environmental -and- or -,- friendly way.

and environmental-y- friendly

governments - governments

list above - listed-
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / The Importance of Diversity - Cultural Food Day (Questbridge Prompt 2) [6]

Good, and fun. You described everything so precisely that I really enjoyed it; however, till the end, I was waiting for something that would connect the essay with the topic; the connection was not clear enough.

BTW, for an academic essay instead of it's you should use it is and things like this which I am sure you know.
sa1na   
Sep 21, 2014
Undergraduate / The computer's world does not show its power until you start to understand it; Collage Application [4]

I hope it would seem better know. :)

The computer's world does not show its power until you start to understand it. Afterwards, the changes in how you see the world are what keep you going forward. Everything seems more logical. No one but a programmer can understand this evolution comprehensibly. More you learn about this world, more eager you become. Right now, after all these years of programming, I believe the one thing bringing me joy is knowing that I have a program to work on. Programming is no longer a job, but a pleasing and relaxing hobby on which I enjoy to spend even my spare time.

After participating in numerous projects related to computer science and different competitions, I feel that nothing can seal me from flourishing in this world. A lucky person is who had found what in the world best fits them. This is my world, with which I trust I can make so many changes to make the globe a better place for all the human beings.

I have experienced a great deal of positions in different, sometimes even not related, fields before finding my real interest, and these understandings are what make my choice worthwhile, and are what ensure me of the validity of my choices.

When you are doing a project, mostly there is a teacher helping you and ensuring you that everything is going to be done by the deadline. However, for the 2013 IranOpen, my situation was nowhere near comfortable. I had to work with the Kinect sensor, in a limited, short time, and without the presence of anyone familiar with it. It came across as impossible for anyone knowing about the situation.

However, I was a programmer, confident about my skills and abilities. The experience was one I always would feel gratified about. It was holiday, and we were spending our day and night at school working on the project. I needed to learn image processing with LabView Compiler to understand the commands of the user. And who could believe I finished it right before the deadline reaching?

It was one of my most successful activities, which caused our project to achieve the award of "The Use of Modern Technologies". Not the award, nor the time I spent, were worthwhile, but how I learned about my ability of managing such a challenging situation was my real award; the feeling of confident that surely would be one of the reasons of me succeeding in my future life.
sa1na   
Sep 27, 2014
Undergraduate / Experiences / difficult situation / way of fun / contributing - STEM Application [3]

What three experiences or activities have helped you explore your desire to study and possibly pursue a career in STEM?

What mostly helped me to explore my desire to study in the computer science field were my experiences in our school's robotic projects. You can never understand how much you are interested in a subject, or a career, unless you work in that field first. Making a program working with Kinect was the first project that introduced me to the world of computer science. Because of the ability to work with LabView software and Kinect sensor, I was also invited to work with lots of people working in these areas.

Being introduced to this world, I followed my way to online courses related to the subject so I could increase my knowledge in this field. Online courses that I have been taking in the sites such as EDX helped me become more and more familiar with the computer science's world.

However, my most challenging experience was being a member of the Rescue Agent Simulation League team. This experience introduced me to the world of JAVA, and almost made me in love with this programming language. Moreover, it helped me to become known in the world of computer science by participating in the 2014RoboCup Competitions that was held in Brazil.

Share a difficult situation that has challenged you. What was your response, and how did you arrive at a solution? (200 word max)

It was a perfect offer for me to participate in the National Shooting Camp. I knew after the camp, I would be able to become a member of the team, which meant becoming an undoubtedly noted person. Who would not want the prominency?

However, was I willing to put all my time for shooting? Was this the world I wanted to be a part of? I undoubtedly felt the eagerness to become a well known shooter. Also, I did well on the camp, and the National Team Coaches liked me.

It was a daunting situation in which I knew I had to choose my way, and I knew after that I was not going to be able to change my mind. My choice would close a door in my future for me, since it would draw a line between two different worlds. My decision was clear for the real me, deep inside. So, it was a matter of temptation which I was not going to be defeated by. After being completely honest with myself, I knew my true world was the world of science, and I am surly not going to repent my decision since it was based on my values and ethics.

Please describe an unusual way in which you have fun. (200 word max)

I have never seen the life in the way most people do. At any rate, usually when I feel the need to have fun instead of doing something specially useful, I read books, watch movies, or even sleep.

However, admittedly, everyone has a unique way of having fun. What really helps me become fresh, is going out; not how others go out with their friends or family. I like to go out by myself, walk in the streets, and watch others doing the same. What really makes me happy, and most of the time seems funny for me, is how others are so different from each other. When you walk in the street, you see lots of people, with different thoughts in their minds, and their unique and special problems. It helps me understand how little we are in this world, and even if we are overwhelmed by everything, how world could be different, and how every hard minute passes and only is its memory that remains.

After a long day walk, I feel fresh, like I have recently washed every tiredness away, and I am ready to continue walking towards my goals.

How do you see yourself contributing to the diversity of this community? (200 word max)

After all my experiences, I believe what makes me different from others is how obliged I feel not to waste any minute of my life. Not that I only study, but even when I am having fun, or resting, I am always trying to be useful, and I am consistently in search for different activities, even if they do not relate to the field of my studies. There have been lots of workshops, classes, and projects in which I have participated in order to improve my knowledge and appease my insatiability.

Moreover, what I see so boldly in myself is my leadership ability. For instance, whenever there has been a serious assignment where I happened to be, I have mostly been in the list of the candidates people have chosen to take the charge. I never lose control of what I am doing, and try to never let anyone down on what they have trusted me to do. Around myself, at least, I only have seen few people with this ability being this much strong. I trust I can make the most of my capabilities in order to enhance my surroundings and help others improve as well.
sa1na   
Sep 27, 2014
Undergraduate / "freaking awesome" - Why Swarthmore? Supplementary College essay [13]

They concept is good. Though you have really tried to make it specific, I agree in needs more specificity. Once I talked we a college professor about my essays, and that is what he said as well. Find something really special about the college, and elaborate your essay on that. This would really help.
sa1na   
Sep 27, 2014
Undergraduate / Moving to another state - my parents sent me to California to live with my grandma and uncle [5]

As a personal statement, I suggest you to work on it to make it more specific about you. This is a little too ordinary for such a thing. The idea is good, but you need to develop it more. Exaggerate some parts, eliminate the others.

There are some grammatical errors I would like to mention :
1. I haven't seen them since I was four, so they were like strangers to me (when did you see them again? when you say they (were) means you saw them some time after. Did you?)

2. Moreover, I barely know -knew- any of my family members there.
3. adopt is wrong. You should use adapt.
4. Later on, I found out the reason I was sent to california was because I had to take care of my grandma. - Later on, I fount out the reason I was sent to California: I had to take care of my grandma (you should not use reason and because in a sentence.

5. to help around the house as much as I can. -could-
6. I had in the house have given -gave- me various challenges along the way,
7. I always assume that everyone have their own group of friends and that no one would need me to be their friend. (is this past tense? if yes, it is wrong :D)

8. became more social -sociable- in school

The last sentence does not match the rest of the essay. It is a perfect idea to mention it, but you really need to elaborate on it.
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Undergraduate / The trip to a football stadium turned out to be more than an exciting experience; Common app prompt [8]

The concept was really good, and yes, you have answered the question fairly. There were just some tiny grammar errors I with to inform you about :

1. The upper tier is contoured to leave open space and the roof is significantly canted inwards. These features are meant to provide as much airflow and natural light to the pitch as possible. The stadium also gives an illusion that supporters in the upper tier on one side of the ground are unable to see supporters in the upper tier opposite. - These sentences must be past tense according to the previous sentences. Change these or those, whichever you wish to.

2. the referee blew the whistle, we, the fans let out a deafening roar. - the referee blew the whistle we , the fans, let out a deafening roar

3. Yes it was a once in a lifetime experience for me, but the memories of the fans and the atmosphere - Though it was a once in a lifetime experience for me, the memories of the fans...
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Book Reports / Analysis of a cartoon by Matt Groening (Going around in circles) [3]

more than his son -always scared-looking son- who is sitting on the right
You can see it from his posture (I would not start with you) - maybe : It could be seen from his posture ..
problems. For example he tells his father about his feeling about being unheard, useless, insignificant, inferior, humiliated or even a waste. - problems as he mentions to his father his feeling about..

But he fails to help, because (since is a better synonym for because) whenever his child takes up this
The father asked (asks) him several times
continues to breaks him down
the boy noted (notes) that the father cannot help him.
the inability of educating children by their parents - the inability of parents to educate their children
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Undergraduate / 'As any self-made man, I am man of work, and my entire world is built on it'; MIT essay [2]

There are some punctuation errors : before and you need a comma(,) when counting more than 2 things.
The concept is good, I easily felt myself connected with it. However, I recommend you to search for more specific details about your life to make them pay more attention to your essay and make it attractive.
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Undergraduate / "Limitless" - MIT Essay; I come from a family who thinks a human limit exists [3]

I think you can make it more specific by using more details. The lack of detail and sensitivity is obvious. If you want, there are also some grammatical problems which I can correct for you; however, I recommend you to take sometime, thinking about a more interesting and more detailed situation in your family. You can elaborate on the concept much more than this.
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Undergraduate / Things To Do For Joy - MIT Essay [3]

It is a good simple essay. However, if there is not limit, try to elaborate it. I mean, it is really brief, maybe it would cause you problem. :)
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / Sick of Ego - Essay based on a favorite quote [2]

5. Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title and author at the beginning of your essay.

"I'm just sick of ego, ego, ego. My own and everybody else's. I'm sick of everybody that wants to get somewhere, do something distinguished and all, be somebody interesting. It's disgusting." -J.D.Salinger, Franny and Zooey

From my childhood, from the very very first moment I started to know myself, I was different. I was serious, never acting like a real child, never playing childish games, and always trying to seem older than real "me". This feeling, the feeling of dese to be uncommon between people, in the society and community, has been accompanying my since then. I never acted as a girl in my age should have done; never played the games I should have played. Funny, when you ask my family to describe me, they all tell you how grown up, serious and hard-working I am. However, is it really good, to be this different, to always try to be somebody interesting, somebody successful?

For a long while, I had been too proud about myself I believed I could do whatever I wanted. No doubt this is a perfect feeling and would help me succeed in my life; however, nothing is good when exaggerated. When you are so sure, and so proud, it would cause you to fall so badly you might not be able to stand up again for a long while, and I have never wanted that.

After some so-called, not very important "failures" -such as in a computer competition or a skating competition, I learned that not even one person exists that would be perfect in all aspects. We all have weaknesses, and those weaknesses, even if so tiny no one would notice them easily, might cause us to fail in what we tend to do.

I learned to be cautious in my way, and to be sure about my abilities, but not to be proud; to have faith in myself, but no to lose consciousness about my weaknesses. The best person that can fix our imperfections are ourselves. Only when we become aware of our weak points we can rectify them.

I still want to be different, want to be novel, and do not want to live an ordinary human life. I still do not act like others, do not think like them, and have so many different issues; issues that might not be recognizable for lots of people my age. I always participate in activities in which I am the youngest person, surprising everyone with my age. Nevertheless, I am not proud anymore; I know I am like others in lots of ways, and I know I still have a long way to go before becoming the great person I wish to be.
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Scholarship / Precious (What would you say to the entire world?) [4]

It is really touchy, congratz'!
However, I believe it ends so suddenly (like a slap in the face:D) You should continue it a bit, elaborate on what you are going to say to the world. Moreover, at the first of the essay one cannot connect the essay with the prompt. Maybe you could add something to the first sentences making them seem more connected to the topic.
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Graduate / I WILL NOT FORGET THE ASTONISHMENT ON HIS FACE [2]

The essay starts perfect, with a story, memory, etc.
1. help solve problems, (such as) composite materials (that) have
2. I knew then, engineering is what I wanted to do in the future and what I wanted to study. - I knew then that the engineering was going to be what I wanted to do in the future and what I wanted to study

I believe you can end the essay more sensitively to affect the reader. The mood of the essay in the last paragraph changes so suddenly it slaps you in the face.
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Scholarship / Precious (What would you say to the entire world?) [4]

Firstly, thank you for comments on my essay. They were really encouraging, and helpful (+ dese was supposed to be desire :D)
Now.. about your own essay:
The conclusion now is great and makes sense and connects the essay with the topic. Though the descriptions are really beautiful (at the first of the essay), I believe they are the only parts that can be shorten so your essay would exceed the limit.

Let me see..
Every single person in the world has something inside them that shines bright, making unique, talented, and precious. Unfortunately, too many people in the world are led to believe that they are worthless through symptoms of depression or anxiety, being mistreated by someone important to them, or comparing their life to the lives of others.

Maybe we can change this to something like this :
Every single person in the world has something inside them making them unique and precious. Unfortunately, numerous people in the world are led to believe in their worthlessness through symptoms of depression or anxiety, or by comparing their lives to the others'.

Hope this would make it shorter without ruining your beautiful description.
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS: children should studying hard or playing sport? Both can improve their future [3]

There are some grammatical errors :
1. is essential part for children -is an essential part of children's lives
2. otherwise others people think that playing sport is waste of time. -otherwise is completely wrong in this sentence. You could use on the contrary, in contrast, etc.

3. bothof studying hard and playing sports are part of life to children (children's lives).
4. On the other hand, studying hard will give children a better future. On the other hand needs one "On one hand" before being used. You can use On one hand, or something like this.

5. gives children with a plenty of knowledge and skills
6.-For- children who always studying study hard and getting get (though achieve great skills is better) high achievement, it will be easy to pass qualification for work

7. If they working at multinational company as the result is they can earn higher salary. - As the result of working in multinational companies, they can earn higher salary.

8. is when you always studying study
9. sports will give would have good effects on children
10. many benefit when children doing sport. - many benefits in children's doing sports
11. who always playing play sport -s-
12. , they will be
13. how to socialize each other as a team - does not make sense - maybe how to be sociable or how to be a good member of a team, etc.

14. will make children getting find lots of friends
15. getting get healthy
16. become children's well-being. become healthy, thriving, robust, etc. children

general tip : I believe you can develop efficiently on the topic; however, you need to work a bit on you grammar to avoid such tiny mistakes. Those mistakes, though minor, are not acceptable in an essay.
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Scholarship / "Gas injections" - study subjectives (petroleum engineering); Fulbright essay [3]

Hi. Firstly, welcome to the forum. Hope the helps you get hear would help you make a better impression with your essays .
1. This way we can provide - I believe using I instead of we would make better sense. Otherwise, it seems like a grammatical error though it is not.

2. concerned concerns of about accelerating accumulation
3. by use using greenhouse gas
4. thesis -in- the best way possible. + You DO NOT DO thesis. You develop them.
5. Not -only - have they their own
6. Then this way I will get an
7. while -the- United States
8. hopefully -helps me to- make an impact on society
9. and mean also it means a lot for my professional aspirations.
10. result can be used to for further research
11. tough choices, because - comma must be eliminated

I am not an expert in writing graduate essays; however, at the first of your essay I felt like you were digressing a little from the main point of the essay. The details were so specific about the field that the real point which was YOUR REASON, YOUR ASPIRATION, YOUR GOAL was lost in the descriptions. If this much detail is not necessary, just eliminate some.
sa1na   
Sep 28, 2014
Undergraduate / UC Prompt 2: A Wrong Gone Good [3]

I think it is good, encouraging, and meaningful. At first I could not make sense and could not find any relations between the topic, you, and the story; however, at the end everything was concluded wisely.
sa1na   
Sep 29, 2014
Undergraduate / Engineering-Geek-Application [3]

How do you plan to use your engineering degree to benefit society? (250 word limit)

I believe computer science, at any rate the computer world, could benefit the society so widely we might not even have a clue about some of its benefits. Firstly, the computers would present the endless possibilities for all the people, and I plan to increase these possibilities, and also teach people how to use computers more wisely so they could benefit from it further. Moreover, computers drive innovation in the sciences and projects, and also in engineering and other fields. With computers, lots of things unimaginable for humans' minds are possible to be done, and I want to make those unimaginable possible. Lots of works that are using humans' strength and are wasting their time can be done by computers; these would save all the society a time to spend on other activities.

At any rate, generally, the presence, and the development of computers would improve the people's lives' quality and would make lots of works much easier to be done . Humans, since the day they were created, were searching for ways to make their lives easier, and computer is the way to success. My gaining a computer degree would allow me to use my unlimited knowledge, skill, and power to make the humans' wishes come true.

Some people categorize engineers as geeks or nerds. Are you a geek, nerd, or neither? Why? (250 word limit)

As I can conclude from my actions, thoughts, and others' opinions about myself, I can consider myself as a computer geek. I am eager to learn as much as possible about computers, and improve my knowledge in the field. I get so excited and enthusiast about anything related to computers, and sometimes, not so often, I wonder how some people can be so indifferent about computers and programming. Moreover, I can continue coding for a long, long while without even getting tired, hungry, or bored. As I know the meaning of a geek, I can name myself an absolute computer geek, and I am not ashamed of it at all. I believe this characteristic can help me develop in the computer field, and become who I really want: someone who would make a worthwhile change in the world of science.

However, what I have in contrast with obsessed people, is how not the computer is the only part of my world. I participate in so many different activities, some not even a bit related to the computer field, and I have some values not associated with computers, such as my concerns for the society and humans. Moreover, I do not use all my time working with computers though doing a project related to computers is never enough for my eagerness; therefore, I am always in search for more to do in this field.

Let me know if it is good enough for an application, and I would be glad yo hear any opinions about my way of writing.
sa1na   
Sep 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / Grandmother, the inspiration of my life (her pictures, love, and sacrifice) [5]

1. who loves me and sacrifice (sacrifices) for me and my father most (not needed- or: more than any other person)
2. my parent (parents) took me
3. I visit (have visited-or better: was visiting) them since I was born.
4. My grandmother (was) very worried about me, (not needer)because she
5. then (.) she put us (in) to the basket of the hawker and burdened (us) to home.
6. Even (though) I was a kid, I still (could feel) felt her love because
7. carrying in (on) shoulder -I cannot make sense of the whole sentence. It could be more mild.
8. After 5 kilometer (being) in the basket, we arrived at home where my grandfather seated (was seating-was seated) on a cane chair, smoking a pipe tobacco with a hot tea and wait (waiting) for us.

9. run (ran)
10. , then we laughed (which made us laugh) uproariously.
11. My grandmother is (was) very considerate, and she understand (understood) that I am (was) not willing to take a shower in this cold weather then (,so) she prepare(ed) a big vessel of warm water for me . (this all happened in the past--use the past tense)

12. she made for
me a very delicious and traditional food, (:) egg boiled, water morning glory with soya cheese and stir-fried medium sized edible snail which she (had) collect (ed) in the field.

13. we moving (moved) to the living room and share(ed) all the funny things (that happened) in (on) the (our) way we get (to get) there,

14. different (difference, different is and adjective, but here you need a noun) between
15. Then we get (got) back to our room and take (took) a rest.
16. she is get (got) ready for the trip.
17. atmosphere in here (there).
18. was very surprise(ed)
19. We harvest(ed , I think) and (while) chatting
20. whole time to help (helping) grandmother
21. and enjoy(ing) the countryside life
22. , how am I (how I am)

Overal, the concept and the story is perfect and beautiful, encouraging the reader to continue reading; however, you really need to work on the grammar part; decide first if you are going to tell the story in the past or present tense. After that, make all the verbs like each other, so they would match the whole essay. There were still more problems with tense, especially at the end. Before her death, you describe everything in the present tense; however, it is a far far past.
sa1na   
Sep 29, 2014
Undergraduate / "Irrational Rationalism" - Pomono Course Creation Essay [3]

Then (Moreover,) the class
them engage(ed)
the students(') ability to be
While Supply-Side economic policies are long-term and counter-intuitive to most (both before and after the sentence you have used dot; am I wrong or a sentence with a while must have continuation ?

Great Recession, (not needed) they meant
that is (was) where Keynes's theories
impassioned, (not needed) or logical (When using or or and for just two words, you do not need comma)

The concept was good and convincing.
sa1na   
Sep 29, 2014
Undergraduate / Opportunity Program / Computer Science / Last day fixes before submitting [2]

something that changed my life happened - something happened that changed my life
and I wasn't able to go to study (in that field) (the sentence seems incomplete)
let me get the impression and feeling (of) what (the) programming (actually) is
need(ed) a thorough education in Computer Science.
are also, as a rule, communicate in English.
reasons why I'd ( I would)
sa1na   
Sep 29, 2014
Undergraduate / "Hey man, you should check out Baylor" - supplement essay [4]

The essay is good, making you want to continue reading especially since it starts with a so-called "story" . However, I believe you can add some more reasons -specific reasons- about Baylor. Each university has its specialities which you can mention to make your writing more convincing.
sa1na   
Sep 29, 2014
Undergraduate / "Cut us all in half, we're all the same" - the exhibition; this work of art struck me like an arrow [2]

This piece really captured me in a way that's hard to describe - I suppose you can wipe out this sentence. It gives your writing a negative sense.

At times where emotions seem to cloud our judgment and the relationships we form seem to be our reason for living, - change our and we to me and I, it would seem more logical.

and in a separate reality, (:)it could very well be me in that tank, shrunken down to my mere physicality as if nothing mattered.
Everything within the tank was frozen and completely still, while life continues (continued) to carry on around it.
are we really all the same and where do the differences lie? - two questions do not conform. Maybe you could alter it : are we really all the same? If not, where do the differences lie?

Your description was perfect; I could actually imagine the exhibition.
sa1na   
Sep 29, 2014
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Public health and related measurements. [6]

of health are (is)
good and bad - Good and Bad are really cheap words for a writing. Maybe use : useful and harmless.
community health, (: or ;) while some
faced by people - people face (it would be a grammatical error since it is better not to use passive forms
sports(') encouragement
is not the best ways
control of infectious(,) and mortal
issues, (;) however(,)

Just a tip : when taking exams such TOEFL and IELTS, when you are asked a question, clearly pick one side and elaborate on it; it is not acceptable to accede with both views.
sa1na   
Oct 3, 2014
Undergraduate / Child Labor NGO community - non-academic pursuit [10]

Some parts might seem illogical or cloudy. Let me know if you feel something wrong :)

Briefly describe a non-academic pursuit (such as service to community or family, a club or sport, or work, etc.,) that best illustrates who you are, and why it is important to you. (250 word limit)

How can I be indifferent walking in the street, seeing all those children, very, very young -small- children trying to sell a very cheap thing in order to at least have a thing to eat at the night? Since my childhood, though not being passionate or sensitive at all -which I still am not, I always felt a feeling in my gut when seeing those children so much different and far from my precious, joyful life. Nowadays, one of my hundreds activities is to be a part of the Child Labor NGO community.

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