Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1. Different genres of transport used to commute in a European city. [2]

The graph below shows the different modes of transport used to travel to and from work in one European city in 1960, 1980 and 2000.

Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information below.

The proportion of people and their commuting method

My writing

The bar chart indicates certain types pf transport used to commute in one European city during the 1980-2000 period.

As can be seen clearly from the chart, while there were more people using car, the reverse result was for bus.

The proportion of people utilizing train was approximately 20% in 1960, then there was a noticable growth in the next 20 years to 27%, which followed by a decline to 22% in 2000. The figure for tube made up above 25% at the beginning of the period, later dropped to almost 20% in 1980 and witnessed a recovery to excactly 25% in 2000.

As for car data, it only accounted for under 10% of commuters initially. Twenty years later, there was a dramatic increase to 23%, followed by another sharp rocket to above 35% in 2000. In contrast, bus was the most common transport in 1960 with approximately 40% users, which underwent two rapid downfalls in the following 20 and 40 years, with 26% and 15% respectively.

All feedbacks are going to be held of value by me.

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Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1. Survey about suitable age for granting certain rights. [4]

some rights at an eligible age

The figure shows the results of a survey of 1000 adolescents in five different countries. The participants were asked at what age they believed certain rights and responsibilities should be granted to young people.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main feature.

My writing

The bar chart illustrates a result from a survey of a thousand teenagers conducted in five different countries about the eligible age that people can grant certain rights.

As can be seen clearly from the chart, the age for marriage and voting were over 15.

From the given data, Japanese and British juveniles agreed that the marrying age should be greater than 20, whereas the American's thought was 18 and the belief of Mexican and Egytian in this questionaire was 16. In term of voting, youngters from Japan opined that the suitable age was excactly 20. In contrast, the figures for the other four countries were under 20, with 18 for American and Egytian and 16 for British and Mexican.

As for the criminal accountabilities, Japanese adolesencts' conviction was 18. Both British annd Mexican shared the opinion of reasonable age which was 15. The age figures for the USA and Egypt were 12 and 14 respectively.

Any suggestions are appreciated.

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Writing Feedback / Data of Trenton-Mercer Airport, Paying Passengers in New Jersey. [3]

I chose randomly chart from the internet as a practice of IELTS writing task 1, since I have not practiced this method of test for a while. Any dedicated suggestions and guidances are all highly appreciated.

Original source: nj./mercer/index.ssf/2018/07/passenger_traffic_jumped_30_percent_at_this_nj_air.html#incart_2box_nj-homepage-featured

My writing

passenger traffic at the Airport in New Jersey

The bar chart illustrates the number of people visiting to the Trenton Mercer Airport in New Jersey during the 2011-2017 period. As can be seen clearly from the chart, while the year 2015 witnessed the largest amount of customers, the beginning of the period welcomed the least passengers.

To begin with, there were roughly 3400 visitors to the airport in 2011. The number of guests to the airport slightly incresed of 3000 people in the following year, which suprisingly soared up to 147.826 people in 2013. The dramatic growth kept acelerating in one year later, and reached a peak with approximately 390.000 visitors in 2015. After that there was a sudden downfall of the figure for people paying for the Airport of 100.000 people the next year, which later had a recovery to 363.626 people in 2017.

To conclude, the 2011-2012 period underwent the small number of people visiting to the Airport, whereas the booming tendancy happened during the last five years..

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Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 IELTS. These days people in some countries are living in a "throw-away" society [3]

"Throw-away" effect

These days people in some country are living in a "throw-away" society which mean people use things in a short time then throw them away.

What are its causes and what are its problems? What could be done to address this issue?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

My writing

Nowadays, in some country, people tend to buy things temporarily and then abandon them. This detrimental trend is explained by the rise of consumerism and inflating commercials in modern society, which leads to the economic and enviromental problems. Some measures are introduced to mitigate those issues.

The foremost reason of this dilemma is that the tendancy of consumerism. Thanks to the greatly-improved living standard, the revenue of people has increased over the decades. Nevertheless, some people have adapted an over-spending lifestyle without thinking whether they truly utilize it or not. When they lose interests, they simply throw them away spontaneously. Furthermore, the encouragous commercials of enterprises also cause the effect of overconsuming. Those companies solely concentrate on inviting more customers to buy their products without guiding them making its effective uses.

Both aforementioned purposes result in negative consequences. As people invariably purchase goods without utilizing, they will suffer from a huge waste amount of money. Those expenditures would better spend for more productive purposes if they knew how to wisely restrict their money consuming. In addition, on account of more and more goods are being thrown away from households, it will creat tons of garbage annually, in which later spread out to the nature and directly diminish the places we are living.

Some steps can be taken to resolve the issues. People are advised to think twice before purchasing something, they should ask themselves whether those things are literally necessary for their daily life. Finally, if there are some redundant things, it is highly recommended that people either sell it over the internet, or donate them to those in needs in mountainous areas.

In conclusion, the prevalance of buying things can have a disastrous impact on financial matters and the enviroments, in which are mainly caused by consumerism and the exaggerated advertisements.

(303 words)

I am simply practicing with my IELTS essays, so I did not put time pressure on my writing. However I've written a little long in this one. If possible, can somebody give me an advice how to shorten this essay, as well as pointing out the mistakes in my work and giving a score. I'd be glad with your feedbacks.

Writing Feedback / Writing task 2 IELTS. Rising temperature globally on the Earth [3]

human activities are blamed for the heating up

There is growing evidence that man-made activities are making global temperatures higher.

What might be the man-made causes of temperatures rising? How should we deal with this problem?

Essay

The rising of temperature on the Earth has been concerning in the modern world nowadays. It is evident that human activities are blamed for the heating up. This essay will point out the primary causes and the key to tackling this issue.

To begin with, there are various factors that contribute to the sudden heating of the globe by humankind. Firstly, the exploitaion of forests over the decades is believed to be the foremost perpetrator. It is said that trees are the lungs of planet Earth, yet people keep taking out the timbers of trees for space demands and wooden needs. Consequently, less oxygen and cool air to be provided. Secondly, as the rapid advancement of industrialization, plethora of factories have been built. Aggravatedly, the smokes from the chimneys release to the sky excessively, which later gradually shatter the ozones and worseningly, the extreme shines from sun can readily reach out to the Earth.

There are suggested solutions to address the dilemma. It is necessary to preserve the remaining forests on the Earth, as they are the indispensible components that offering green shelters. In addition, the governments should encourage their citizens to plant more trees in empty areas. Finally, as current natural resources heat up the temperature, discovering its alternatives is also an option. Wind and solar energy are great methods to be considered, due to its enviromentally-friendliness.

In conclusion, tree cutting down and factories are mainly identified to cause the increase of global temperatures. Tree preservation and switching a new form of resources are introduced to resolve the problems.

Any feedbacks are all highly appreciated. Thanks.

Writing Feedback / The pollution of water in rivers, lakes and seas - Writing task 2 IELTS. [4]

Pollution of rivers, lakes and seas is a major concern for people who seek to protect the environment.

What are the possible causes of water pollution, and what effects does this have on animal life and human society?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Writing

Water Pollution Worries

Water plays an indispensable role in our life. However, the contamination of underwater ground is extremely a concern for human being. This essay will cite out its primary causes and the consequences to human and animal life.

To begin with, there are various components that make the water resources polluted. Firstly, sewage wastes are identified as the most serious issue to the water. As the rapid development of industry, especially after the Industrial Innovation in the 19th century, a plethora number of factories have been constructed. Despite the economic benefits and the solution of unemployment, the enviroment has been neglected by the governments, especially water matters, as the enterprises keep dumping the wastes directly to the river without processing. Secondly, the overuse of pesticides and fertilizers also aggravates the water enviroment. As a result, the toxic chemical substances absorb in the soils, and they can be readily washed out by rain, in which later flow into the streams and lakes.

Water contamination has a disastrous impact on faunas and society. The dilemna leads to the habitat loss of underwater creatures. For instance, the Formosa incident occured in 2016 in the central of Vietnam. They illegally dumped the wastes into the sea, consequently, vast number of dead fish and shrimps floated in the sea, many local people were unemployed. In additon, the low quality of water can cause the shortage of water in the future, as the amount of fresh water accounts for 3% out of total water supply in the earth. If this problem keeps happening, it is estimated that by 2050, approximately 50% of global population will lack of clean water, which result in dehydration.

In conclusion, water pollution is extremely a tremendous worry for people, because of its detrimental effects. Therefore, the federal authorities and individuals should take action immediately to tackle this problem, as well as to save the planet Earth.

Writing Feedback / Students should choose fields based on their preferences or just focus on job related subjects? [3]

Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Others believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

individual passion or market demands?

Some people maintain that students in university should choose their fields based on their preferences, whereas others think that students should prioritize the future job demands, and only focus on subjects related about them. This essay will discuss both these views and from my perspective, students should select what they want to.

Preference plays an important role in choosing career for college students. First and foremost, it helps students acknowledge what they are truly talented about, so that he or she can have motivation to get to work every day, despite its adversity. For instance, if a teacher loves their job, he or she will be cheerful to go to school everyday and dedicated to make an intriguing syllabus for students. Although the income is modest compared to other occupations and it requires high responsibility, but with sense of honor and pride to their carrer, it is their pleasure to guide the youngsters to the brigher future. Secondly, students who take courses due to passion will be more likely to obtain a successful career after graduate than those who do not, as they have a specific goal on what are they pursing and the mindset of venturing the risks.

On the other hand, future potential fields are also an indispensible part to be considered. As the development of society nowadays, there are several fields that need a plethora number of workers in the near future, such as laws, Information and Technology and medical. Those potential jobs offer the graduate many benefits with high salary, good reputation in society and stability, thus it can be a personal sake for students to choose these fields.

In conclusion, whether it is for interest or future request purposes, individual passion is over marketing demands.