Writing Feedback / The chart: why agricultural land becomes less productive, the table: three regions affected (1990s) [2]

IELTS task 1: Causes of land degradation

Topic: The pie chart below shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive. The table shows how these causes affected three regions of the world during the 1990s. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The pie chart presents the rates of land degraded by different reasons all over the world. Meanwhile, the table illustrates the percentage of land damaged by these factors in three different areas namely North America, Europe and Oceania between 1990 and 1999.

Generally speaking, the rate of land which became less productive caused by the three main reasons varied only slightly. Besides, among the three regions in question, Europe had the highest percentage of land that reduced in quality. At the same time, North America had the lowest figure.

Among the three main causes of land degradation, over-grazing ranked first with 35%. Deforestation came second with 30%. Over-cultivation accounted for 28%. The remaining area of land (7%) was damaged by other reasons.

Europe had 23% of agricultural land became less suitable for that purpose. In which, 9.8% was caused by cutting down of forests and 7.7% was caused by excessive crop planting. Next came Oceania with 13% degraded land, mostly because farmers herded livestock immoderately on them. North America had only 5% of land reduced in quality and the main reason was over-cultivation which accounted for 3.3%.

• 
  
  

Essays / Being a celebrity - Question about topic analysis for IELTS task 2. [3]

advantages / disadvantages essay

I everyone, this question was asked in one of my previous thread. This is my question in more detail.

I attempted to write an essay about the following topic from the book Cambridge IELTS 09:"Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?"

At first, I am not sure if this is an opinion essay or dis/advantage essay so I referred to the writing sample provided in the same book. It provides an essay that scored 6 and the evaluation of the examiner as in the attached image. I noted that the evaluation said: "This answer addresses all part of the task, though the disadvantages of fame are covered more fully than the advantages." From that comment, I understood that this is an advantages/ disadvantages essay and I am supposed to fully cover both advantages and disadvantages and give my opinions.

In addition, since the prompt mentioned "problems" and "benefits" in plural form, I think I should give at least 2 advantages and 2 disadvantages.

The result is, however, I wrote an essay where my ideas are underdeveloped here: essayforum.com/writing/advantages-disadvantages-celebrity-86171/. My questions are:

- Did I analyse the topic wrongly? If not, what is the problem that leads to an underdeveloped essay in my case

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Diagram on rainwater processing. [4]

collecting and treating rainwater in Australia

Topic: The diagram shows how rainwater is collected for the use of drinking water in an Australian town.

The diagram illustrates the process of collecting and treating rainwater so that it can be used as drinking water in households of a town in Australia.

Generally, rainwater is collected through a gutter and drain system. It is then filtered and treated using chemical and distributed to each household as drinking water through pipes.

Each house in the town has gutters installing to its roof. Those gutters are connected with pipes along the side of the house that brings water to the drain underneath. When it rains, rainwater from the roofs is collected into the gutters. It follows the gutters to the pipes and goes down to the drain below.

From the drain, water is brought through a filter to remove any impurities before going to a storage tank. Then, it runs along a pipe to the water treatment system. Here, chemicals are used to process rainwater and the output is drinkable water which is distributed to each household for consumption via another pipe system.

• 
  
  

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: Advantages and Disadvantages of being a celebrity [6]

Hi all! Sorry, I posted my essay on the wrong forum category. How can I fix this?

Topic: Being a celebrity - such as a famous film star or sports personality - brings problems as well as benefits. Do you think that being a celebrity brings more benefits or more problems?

Public person experiences

Famous people like movie stars or top athletes may have many benefits; however, their fame can also be detrimental. In my opinion, being a celebrity brings about more problems than advantages.

Admittedly, there are some benefits of leading a famous life. Firstly, celebrities are admired by the public. Their talents and achievements are widely recognized and appreciated so they might feel very proud. Secondly, well-known people can earn a lot of money. Being highly influencing people, they are very well-paid for their professional performance as well as other activities using their name such as advertisements and public speeches. For example, a Vietnamese pop star named Dam Vinh Hung earned hundreds of thousands of dollars during his career by holding live shows, issuing CD and appearing in advertisements.

Nevertheless, despite the advantages above, I believe that being famous can be very harmful. One problem is that fame takes away privacy. Every single behaviours and events in famous people's personal life is closely watched and judged by the public. As a result, they are under high pressure of maintaining their image which may not be their true self just to satisfy their fans. Another drawback is that well-known people usually lead a very hectic life which makes it difficult for them to maintain a balance. Many famous actors and actress experienced mental breakdowns, drug abuse or personal relationships collapsing because they cannot handle the pressure of always being on a tight schedule and having no time to relax or spend time with their love one.

In conclusion, the pressure of maintaining image under the eye of the public and being always overworked are seriously harmful to the life of celebrities so those disadvantages far outweigh the advantages of being wealthy and having a lot of fans.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Cause and Solution to extinction of wild animals [5]

extinct or endangered species

Topic: More and more wild animals are on the verge of extinction and others are on the endangered list. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to solve this problem?

The number of species becoming extinct or endangered is increasing rapidly due to over-hunting by human. To tackle this problem, governments should enforce laws on protecting wild-life.

Excessive hunting is endangering many wild animals. People use wild animal as material to produce luxurious products which are highly profitable. The huge amount of money earned from selling these products urged poachers to kill a massive number of wild animals without caring about environmental effects. The result is that many wild species disappeared forever and many others are at risk of vanishing. For example, a huge number of Indochinese Tigers have been killed for their skin to make clothes and their bone to be used as medicine. After being hunted for many years, this species have been pushed the edge of extinction in Indochina area.

To conserve natural animals, authorities should establish and strictly enforce laws and regulations on conserving wild-life. This can be done by issuing bans on hunting, fishing and trading of wild animals; forming conservation area and establishing ranger forces. Any violation of these laws must be seriously punished to create a deterring effect in the society. These solutions will enable wild animals to live and breed in their natural habitat and increase in number again. In Vietnam, killing and trading tigers is illegal. Anyone who goes against this rule can be sentenced many years in prison. The strict enforcement of the law created a safe environment for the remaining tigers to live and reduce the risk of extinction.

In conclusion, wild animals are being put in dangerous situations because human are killing them to satisfy their greed. It is only when governments issued strict regulations on protecting wild species can the number of wild creatures stop decreasing.

I would appreciate all your comments on any mistake and ways to make my writing better. Thank you very much

Writing Feedback / Advantages and disadvantages of showing criminal trials on TV [3]

Topic:

In some countries, criminal trials are shown on TV for the publics.

Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages

People in many nations can watch court hearings on television. In my opinion, the benefits of this outweigh the drawbacks. Although some people think that this kind of TV program is not suitable for some audience, showing court cases on television helps improve public knowledge about law and creates a deterring effect against criminal acts.

Showing court hearing to the public will help improve knowledge about the law. Many crimes happened because the criminals did not know that what they were doing was illegal as well as the consequence of their behavior. As a result, showing criminal cases publicly will educate ordinary people on the wrong acts. Furthermore, this will also create a deterring effect because people can learn that if they do something unlawful, they will receive a punishment. For example, in Vietnam, there is a program called "the Verdict" which reproduces some typical criminal hearings. It explains and analyzes why the criminal acts were illegal, how it affected the whole society, and the penalty when committing this crime thus, it encourages people to be law-abiding citizens.

However, many people criticize that these TV programs are not suitable for some groups of audiences like young children. Underage audiences are not mature enough to understand the whole case and they can be obsessed with the violent details in the crime. This can lead to mental health problems. However because this disadvantage can be solved by choosing an appropriate show time and create warnings on the minimal age to see the program, it is minor compared to the advantages.

In conclusion, it seems that showing court trials to the public brings more advantages than disadvantages. This helps improve the awareness of the public about the law and reduce the rate of crime.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2: financial aids for artists - is it necessary? [3]

SHOULD GOVERNMENTS GIVE FINANCIAL SUPPORT TO ARTISTS?

Topic: Governments give a lot support to artists, even though some people think it is a waste of money that could have been used elsewhere. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Many financial aids to artists come from national budget. While many people think that this is an inefficient way to spend money, I believe that government sponsoring artists is beneficial to both artists in developing their talent and to the society as a whole in the long run.

On the one hand, it is thought that giving support to artist is a waste of national budget money because the country always has more urgent problems to deal with. For instance, in developing countries like Vietnam, there are a lot of poor people who do not have a livelihood and this problem increase the rate of crime. As a result, the limited the financial resources of the country should be spent on solving these issue rather than sponsoring artists. However, I disagree with this viewpoint because not allocating a portion of budget to support the development of art will result in loss of potential art talent and adversely affect the long-term development of the society.

On the other hand, advocates to government support to artists believe that this aid is necessary to help artists develop their talent. Without financial support from the government, many artists cannot afford the expense to study and to live on the low income at the beginning of their career. I agree with this viewpoint as the artists sponsored by government will give back to the society when they are mature. For instance, my brother was granted a scholarship to study art by the Singaporean government. Since graduation, he has been working as a designer for a Singaporean company that pays tax to Singaporean government.

In conclusion, although many people think that government spending on supporting artists is wasteful, I believe that this is necessary to nurture art talent that, once developed, will benefit the country as a whole.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Will artificial intelligence replace teacher in classrooms. [3]

Topic:

Artificial intelligence will soon replace teachers in the classroom.

Do you agree or disagree? What is an alternative to traditional face-to-face teaching?

There is opinion that traditional teachers will be replaced by artificial intelligence. I disagree with this viewpoint as a software program does not have the sensitivity of a teacher. The appropriate alternative to traditional education is online teaching as it offers more flexibility than teaching in classroom.

Artificial intelligence cannot replace a teacher as it does not have the empathy of a human being. Teaching requires not only knowledge and skills but also the ability to understand and deal with factors affecting a learners' performance such as their psychological state, characteristic and family background. Real teacher can handle these issues while A.I. cannot. For example, a student may have a family problem that lead to mental breakdown, making him unable to handle his assignment on time. Computer cannot take this into consideration but teachers can find out the underlying problem and give their students valuable mental support to overcome the obstacle.

While A.I. cannot totally replace traditional teaching method, education via internet is a good alternative. Studying online offers student the flexibility in term of time and pace that teaching in classroom cannot. At the same time, learners still get support from their teachers and classmates via online community and email. As a working mother, my hectic schedule does not allow me to enroll in English class. However, joining online courses gave me a perfect solution as I can learn whenever I have time and focus on the parts that I need improvement. I emailed my teacher to ask questions and join online community for discussion. My English improved a great deal after the course.

In conclusion, artificial intelligence will never replace real teachers as it lack the empathy and sympathy of a human being. However, online education is the future method of teaching as it brought about more flexibility and authority to learners.

I would appreciate all your comments on my essay above. I also have a question: I am always reluctant to use personal experience as an example as I think that one single case that is true does not prove that something is is true in general so it is not a strong proof. However, in this essay, I used my personal experience as an example as I think it can prove my point well. I also wrote another supporting paragraph with the example be generalised. I would appreciate your idea on which is the better way to develop my idea and how risky it is to put personal experience as example on IELTS essay.

While A.I. cannot totally replace traditional teaching method, education via internet is a good alternative. Studying online offers student the flexibility in term of time and pace that teaching in classroom cannot. At the same time, learners still get support from their teachers and classmates via online community and email. Many people have hectic working schedule that does not allow them to enroll in English classes. In this case, joining online courses is the perfect solution. They can learn whenever they have free time and focus on the parts that need improvement so that they can progress faster. Meanwhile, learners can also get all the support that they can get from traditional classes by emailing educators their questions and join online community for discussion.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Artificial intelligence used to drive car [4]

Topic:

Nowadays, artificial intelligence is being used to drive car.

Why is this happening? Is it a positive or negative development?

Recently, automobile driven by artificial intelligence is becoming more and more popular. This is due to the need to cut cost of transportation industry. The progress should be viewed positively as it will make our life more convenient.

Self-driving car appeared to satisfy the demand to reduce expense of transportation industry. Recent surveys showed that an average taxi service business spends 40% of their expense on driver wage and human resources management cost. Saving this cost to invest more in vehicle and customer services will result in higher income for the company and better experience for customers. This can be done by replacing the traditional vehicle by driverless car. By doing this, business will no longer need to hire drivers and manage them, thus, a lot of expense can be saved. For example, autonomous buses used to take workers to work are being tested in Texas, USA. They helped solve the problem of driver shortage and cut off labor expense effectively.

Self-driving vehicle should be considered a good development as it makes human life more convenient. In order to travel by car, we have to spend time and money to learn driving skill or hire a driver and depend on him to take us to where we want to go. On the contrary, autonomous cars give people the freedom to travel anywhere anytime without acquiring driving skill. It is estimated that an average person in Vietnam spends at least 3 months and 2000 US dollar to learn how to drive. By owning a vehicle driven by artificial intelligence, we can save this cost to spend on other things.

In conclusion, vehicle driven by artificial intelligence appeared as a result of the attempt to reduce labor related expense. As this invention help improve our living standards, we need to see it as a good development.

I would appreciate all your comments

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Humanitarian aid for poor countries in time of natural disaster [3]

Topic:

Wealthy nations should assist poorer countries with humanitarian relief during natural disaster.

Do you agree or disagree?

There is opinion that in time of catastrophe, wealthy nations should provide less prosperous one with humanitarian aid. I agree with this viewpoint because the support from rich countries will help reduce the damage of the disaster and strengthen the international influence of the countries providing the relief.

Firstly, humanitarian relief from wealthy countries helps reduce the devastating effect of the disaster. Poor countries are vulnerable in case natural disaster happens as they do not have enough resources to help all of their people. As a result, if other countries do not provide support, many people will die and famine and epidemic will happen after the disaster due to the shortage of food and medical care. For instance, the earthquake in Haiti in 2010 led to massive death and food shortage. In addition, as the infrastructure was destroyed, injured people didn't receive enough medical support. But for the help from other countries, Haiti couldn't have recovered from the disaster.

Secondly, by helping poorer countries in time of catastrophe, wealthy nations can increase their international influence. "A friend in need is a friend in deed". By providing support to poorer countries in time they need it the most, the countries providing assistance will win people's minds and hearts. This is beneficial to them in closing favorable international deals in the future. For example, Japan has been giving Vietnam a lot of humanitarian aid whenever Vietnam experiences a disaster. As a result, Japan has won many million-dollar worth contracts in constructing infrastructure in Vietnam without any objection from Vietnamese people.

In conclusion, I agree that developed nations should provide humanitarian relief to less developed one in time of disaster as it will help reduce the suffering of the people in these countries and benefit the countries providing support in term of gaining soft-power worldwide.

I would appreciate all your comments. Thank you