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Posts by Ali20
Name: Alief
Joined: Oct 8, 2019
Last Post: Jun 16, 2021
Threads: 8
Posts: 14  
Likes: 2
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 22
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Ali20   
Jun 16, 2021
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 about impact of social media on both individuals and society. [2]

Evaluation of networking sites influence



Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook) have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society. to what extent do you agree?

It is assumed by many societies that having access to social media like Facebook contains many drawbacks individually and collectively. I cannot entirely agree with that assumption delivered, where I will elaborate on several fundamental reasons in the following.

To begin with, the connection to social networking, particularly Facebook, enhance the opportunity for the individual to become more sociable. Because, people can get many friendships around the world, as long as they can communicate in the same understandable language. Moreover, on Facebook, the users have an excellent chance to communicate with their friends who stay in other places. Then, it is clear that having social media increases the ability to get more friends from different cities or countries.

Secondly, possessing a broad friendship also give several advantages related to economics and cultural understanding. Today, the online platform provides marketplaces, where everyone who has an account can sell their products and buy several items. This phenomenon directly supports the stability of national economic and social productivity. In addition, international friendship in social media is also currently a place where people can assimilate other accustoms from other countries. For instance, Korean drama, which is being global trend for many young girls, spreads a global understanding of Korean culture.

To sum up, the accessibility to social networking has many positive aspects for individuals because they have wide friendships with both domestic and international colleagues. Furthermore, an online social platform is also a great place to conduct business activities and know international life.
Ali20   
Nov 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / A policy that regulates international languages as mandatory subjects for youngsters (IELTS 2) [2]

All children should study a foreign language, starting in the earliest grades.


To what extent do you agree or disagree to this statement ?


There is a policy regulates an international languages as mandatory subjects for young age. In my point of view, I totally agree with the regulation since children has a clear memorial and it devotes them wide opportunities to get international experiences.

To begin with, it is generally known that young people has a good ability to memorize and to assimilate a lesson. People argue it is because they have not faced complexity as well as problems in their daily activities, hence it gives them possibility to learn intensively about new languages. Furthermore, children can easily imitate a precise pronunciation of words and conceive the meaning. Then, the methods give them huge benefits and can lead them to become expert in the earliest age.

Another reason of applying foreign languages to curriculum of young age education is giving them immense chances to participate in global communities. It is acceptable that the main goal of education is transforming civilization becomes more sophisticated, and it requires a large collaboration. Thus, preparing skillful students through studying foreign languages is comprehensive way to participate in international networking. Taking for instance, my classmate in university who had learn English since elementary school and Arabic when staying in boarding house during secondary school have much opportunities joining international events rather than others students who learn English only in senior high school.

To conclude, I rE-declare my position that I fully agree with the notion considered by strong memorial children have and the possibilities to join international projects.
Ali20   
Nov 27, 2019
Writing Feedback / British travel - IELTS WRITING TASK 1 MIXED GRAPHS [5]

Hello @Rosiee Nguyen.

these my comments about your writing.
1.initial sentence of your writing, i tend to disagree with this word "regularly visited in 2004"
because there is no explanation that can give clear information about this. there is only information about the common destination countries whom UK residents visit.

2. i find quite confusing with this sentence "... periods of 1994 to 1989 and 1989 to 2004, the trend ...". i suggest you to make clear grouping.
Ali20   
Nov 26, 2019
Writing Feedback / Spend money developing public transportation or developing new kinds of cars (IELTS TASK 2) [2]

public vs private transportation



The proliferation of private cars on the roads in many parts of the world has led to serious problems of pollution and may contribute to global warming. Some people think that governments should spend money for the development of public transportation systems in order to help alleviate this problem. Others think it is better to spend money for the development of electric and other types of cars that may cause less pollution.

Do you think it is better for governments to spend money developing public transportation or developing new kinds of cars?

Enhancing number of cars currently becomes controversial problem. The phenomenon is considered as one of the main causes of climate change through pollution emitted. To deal with situation, there are several solutions, one arguments claim that government should develop a good quality public transportation, while others argue it can be done by substitution some new friendly environment cars. In my perspective, I hold the second option because it has high effectiveness to reduce harm gases. However, to build mass transportation is inappropriate ways because it still emits harmful pollution.

To begin with, recently, many researches devote their best effort to engage a new kind of electrical cars. They believe this way can decrease effectively pollution which are produced by conventional cars, where electrical cars transform electricity to kinetically forces and do not emit remain gases. Moreover, creating eco-friendly it supports global vision to eliminate the threat of global warming, where some of national leader agreed to use renewable energy resources such as solar panel, wind turbines, as well as hydropower to produce electricity. Thus, I examine this method could be appreciated from global society because it uses sustainable energy resources which it does not disturb environment and create clean pollution.

However, some environmentalists refuse another idea which it suggests stakeholders to create public transportation facilities, since it could not solve air pollution problems. In fact, public transportation still release immense gases because these use fossil fuel for mobility. In addition, this suggestion has low effect because not every owner who has felt comfortable with their cars will utilize public transportation to do their daily activities which generally are very crowded of passengers. Unfortunately, the cost allocated by government is counterproductive with main goal of project.

To conclude, I believe that the new invention of eco-friendly transportation is the holistic way to minimize climate change effect because harmful pollution that create worst situation of environment is not transmitted by them.
Ali20   
Nov 26, 2019
Writing Feedback / Bar Chart Production and Consumption of Electricity (IELTS Cambridge 13) - Test 3 Task 1 [4]

Hello @yahsuanamber

Honestly, i am sorry that i can not review your writing because absence of images. however, i suggest in the next time it better if you give clear images. then we can analyses about your interpretation about the data.

Despite there was no image, i try to give you an objective feedback, i think you have forgotten to compares between countries's values. it is extremely essential if you want obtain high score.
Ali20   
Nov 26, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS GT WRITING TASK 2: there are fewer youngsters receiving news from newspapers and TV. [4]

Hello @plforielts!

these my comments about your writing, may it could enhance your quality.

1. I see this sentence "receiving news from newspapers and TV" has unclear substance with question, and i suggest to alter with " It is noticeable that majority young people lack of willingness to get information from......"

2. You should give general information about your answer that you will write in the next body paragraphs. because it helps examiner to find your arguments quickly also it encourages you to create conclusion
Ali20   
Oct 16, 2019
Writing Feedback / Forcing the Unpaid Community Service in High Schools (TASK 2) [2]

Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programmes (for example working for a charity, improving the neighbourhood or teaching sports to younger children)

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


unpaid social service as a part of mandatory program in the school



Giving an opportunity for pupils studying in secondary school to do unpaid social service is supported of some to apply as part of mandatory program in the school. In my point of view, I totally agree with the notion as it has it will enhance student's understanding about social surrounding and the will obtain job experience.

To begin with, some of educational experts argue that the aim of education is to improve the quality of social life. Moreover, setting up social charity as the part of compulsory curriculum will elevate student's perspectives about the social life. Then, comprehensive assimilation of students can make synthesis with the relevant theories which they had been studied to deal with social problems. Taking for example, a massive number of agricultural students in Indonesia held voluntary project in rural area to help farmers for accelerate their fields and teach them about the way to sell the products on social platform.

Secondly, today many of prominent companies need job experiences prior to joining. In contrast, only a minority of students who have it. Then, integrating between academic life with social project will give students job impressions. Example, I had friend who studied in accounting did social internship in cooperative business organization, he helped the members to measure cash flow and managed workers payments. Fortunately, after graduated from university he was directly hired by startup company in my town

.
To conclude, involving students to unpaid community service has huge benefits. First, students can know properly about the real of social condition and they can get working experience.
Ali20   
Oct 16, 2019
Writing Feedback / Future job choice - university students should study whatever they like? [4]

Hello @arhaz!

these my comments;

*majors efficient, countries development ( adj + N), efficient majors.developing/developed countries
* i really appreciate your way to deliver the paraphrase of question and you did it well, yet i'll suggest you to put your general reason of your thesis statement for helping examiners to understand your writing's aim.

* i examine your second paragraph don't give strong argument. you should make it cohesive between sentences contained your paragraph. it's like when you make history it needs good flow and well transition between accidents.

Keep spirit! i believe you can solve it gradually.
Ali20   
Oct 16, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - Railways versus Roads - where tax payers money should go? [2]

Hello @nali1

These my comments that my improve your score.

I appreciate your way to deliver paraphrase of the question, it is amazing. Furthermore,if you want to get high score you should give general reason of your position. "...that building ... transportation as it the holistic way to reduce a road accident as well as adding government income"

However , you have a variety range of vocabulary that i suppose as your strengh. keep it up!
Ali20   
Oct 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / Utilizing gap year period through working or travelling (WRITING TASK 2) [2]

Young People are Encouraged To Work or Travel



In some countries, young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.


Utilizing gap year period through working or travelling is commonly supported in several countries. Many people argue it is unnecessary as it will reduce willingness to continue to higher education and it take much of budgets, but others claim it will give them job experiences and knowledge about others cultural lives.

First of all, many students who have graduated from secondary school join directly to university and refuse gap year opportunity as they claim it is useless. They state that going to working place will reduce spirit to enter university because normally workers are merely focus on collecting money for purchasing properties. In addition, taking a year to explore other places requires excessive cost for recovering accommodations, flights, and foods during holiday time. The graduates think it would be useful if the money is channeled to educational fee. Thus, these activities have possibilities to decrease chance to enter further level of education.

However, some people disagree with the previous opinion, and assume that involve in workplace has a huge benefit. The workers will acquire job experience that is fundamental to seek appropriate major prior to entering universities and they can collect money for paying annual fee of university. For travelers, it also gives them diversity perspectives because they have visited many regions with different traditions, behaviors, and characters. Moreover, they could enjoy the moment after conducting final exam in high school and preparing self to go to university.

To sum up, working and travelling have possibilities to disturb of spirit to carry on to post-graduate level and need a plenty proportion of money. Meanwhile, it is valued meaningful due to having work experience and understanding of cultural diversity.
Ali20   
Oct 15, 2019
Writing Feedback / Employers sometimes ask people for applying for jobs for personal information [2]

Hello @Sharmistha !

First, i would say that your first paragraph is so excessive and don't give clear position of the question , you should make it simple and answer the question directly through whether do you agree or disagree and it is followed by general reason.

In the second paragraph, you imitate fully the question it is awful cause the examiner can consider you lack of vocabulary. Then, please paraphrase it!. overall, i can understand that your essay explains about benefit and drawbacks of marriage not a vivid perspectives why some people choose support and refuse using personal detail in job seeker form.
Ali20   
Oct 11, 2019
Writing Feedback / Shopping malls are great places to spend more leisure time and meet other. Do you agree or disagree [3]

Hello @jane4455!

Firstly, you should paraphrase the question in the first sentence in your first paragraf. i see you have done it but it is not perfect yet. "...It's true that it's often argue of many people that the shopping centres ..."

Secondly, the second sentence of your first paragraph should answer clearly the question are you agree or disagree by giving outline trough general reason

Then, to get high band score it needs minimum 250 words. Moreover, it better if both body paragraphs explain specifically about your reason.
Ali20   
Oct 11, 2019
Writing Feedback / It is often argued that punishment should be imposed according to the crime type [2]

Fixed Punishment for Each Type of Crime (IELTS TASK 2)



Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment.

It is often argued that punishment which will be given to criminalists should be considered by the crime type, yet others believe that it would be better if the judges investigate aspects of surrounding and aims of doers. Meanwhile, the former claim it is the precise method for fairness, I think by tracking criminalist track records it will give wiser penalty.

First of all, many scientists from law department believe in order to build a fair situation it needs to create the permanent punishment of kinds of crime activities. Taking for example the punishment will be given differently between people who commit violence and those who corrupt the government budgets. The latter will obtain light conviction from judges, while the latter get heavier and stay longer in prison as it prejudices many members of society. Thus, classifying the quality of criminal activities prior to giving punishment is believed as the holistic way to decide a type of penalty.

On the other hand, some experts who concert on humanity issue refuse the previous notion because it is inadequate to rise fairness. It will better if the judges to see the aims of activities as well as the situation which involved. Several months ago a prominent newspaper in my town had reported there were criminal doer who had similar activities took phones in mall, but final decision was difference, one of them given small time to stay in prison as the motivation to buy medicine of his son whom had illness

To sum up, fixed penalty has purpose to give fairly effect without discrimination. Meanwhile, considering the background of motive will give appropriate penance.
Ali20   
Oct 8, 2019
Writing Feedback / Televisions and movies can affect us either in a bad way or in a good way [5]

@anhngocngoc11

human's lives,life (n)
televisions also makes make, cause it plural.
"the main idea of watching TV of majority....." the flow is unnatural, better to use " the main goal of a majority people wach tv......."

hope you read my essay, and give feedback
Keep spirit!
Ali20   
Oct 8, 2019
Writing Feedback / Who have the pivotal role for teaching pupils to become the responsible society members? [2]

teaching how to be good members of the society



Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of the society. Others, however, believe that the school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give own opinion.

A massive number of people state that parents have pivotal role for teaching their pupils to become responsible society members, while others refuse and claim school is the appropriate place for it. Although, the latter argue it as school has precise learning surrounding, I believe that parents have longer time to control and teach their children.

First of all, it is generally known that school is a place to enhance not only about academic skills but also emotional ability. In the school a student would find friends coming from different backgrounds and they will be united in the class. Hence, this method will give students knowledge about importance of respect and emphatic each other's. Moreover, sometimes teachers give group assignments for students to conduct together which it teaches them specifically about a power of togetherness as well as responsibilities. Thus students will be a good society member if they can assimilate these values comprehensively. Unfortunately, schools are limited by time to run the system.

However, some experts argue that parents have huge responsibility to educate their children because they have much time to guide and demonstrate directly about collective values to their surroundings. Taking for example, when I was child, my father used to ask me to join social activities in my residence area, then today I have understood well about social responsibilities. I also known about the importance of giving cause my mother has given me a good example; she allocates a part of her revenue to unfortunate people in my town. Then, it is valued that parental education is holistic way to develop about social values.

To conclude, I re-state again that children have much benefits to learn about social life through their parents than school.
Ali20   
Oct 8, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS1- the forecast increase in world oil production [3]

@s410377088
Hello, these are my comments which perhaps offer improvement for your writing.
1. Your overview is overload because you were picking up many general trends so that the situation will make yours seem a part of body paragraph.

2. "in two periods"... is better to write down in the body paragraph as in the first paragraph just needs general trend.

Keep going!
Ali20   
Oct 8, 2019
Writing Feedback / Teaching International Language at Primary School (IELTS Task 2) [2]

foreign language in the elementary education



Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school.
Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?


A massive number of educational experts on opinion that the proper time to start learn an international language for children is when students have joined elementary school. Yet, there is people argues that it will distort pupil's playing time, it has more benefits that linked to their memorial abilities.

First of all, some of parents claim that their children lack of free time due to applying foreign languages to primary school curriculum. The children tried hard to understanding with new vocabularies after back to home and it take much of idle time. Unfortunately, it impacts to health condition of them, several of them are getting injury and decrease their performance over learning time. Thus, to avoid a serious illness, this lesson should be taught in secondary school.

On the other hand, it has been known generally that young children have good skill to remember. Moreover, assimilating foreign language from primary school has huge benefit because learning other nation languages children need to memorize some of basic materials such as word of days, alphabets, verb of daily activities, as well the way to pronounce sentences properly. Then, learn languages early children will obtain strong basic to continue to advance level. In addition, having good foundation about international languages will support elementary school students to get bright future, like my friend in university who has excellent skill in English and Arabic language got many opportunities to join international events.

To conclude, teaching students of elementary education about one of international languages is really helpful as them have strong memorial abilities and will give them wide chances to explore world.
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