ivyeyesediting
Jan 6, 2010
Graduate / 'finding opportunities to make things happen' - SOP for PhD in Industrial and Engineering Management [5]
Hi Sharmi!
I think you're off to a great start here. I do have a few major suggestions for you:
-Make your intro more specific, or cut the opening sentences. The 'ever since my childhood' trope is pretty generic and will be seen in many SOPs. So, start with a specific event or intellectual interest, or cut to the bit about the Common Entrance test.
-Try to show how your present (or most recent) job role has prepared you for this type of study, and how this type of study will get you to the 'next level.' Aside from some mechanical issues, content-wise, this is great:
"Currently I am working at HP as Quality Analyst, involves work on Testing and maintenance of web services and also involved in managing and co-coordinating the resources and off-shore teams, which has helped me improve my managerial and leadership skills and understand the challenges and responsibilities involved. My past internship work at GE involved working on the design and analysis of Generator for establishing a FE process, but I also got a chance to understand the importance of Engineering Management in an Industrial point of view."
Can you give more details about your management function and what you do? What skills do you need to build? What are your goals???
-Avoid the 'laundry list.' You write:
"I have an exposure with the courses such as Productivity Management, Reliability, Advanced Manufacturing Engineering, Probability and Statistics which will become my strong background for my advanced research and education. I also have good programming and logical skills. I am a very creative and detailed oriented person. My communication skills are very good and I like presenting my ideas in both oral and written form."
If you can't ground a skill in a specific experience or anecdote (show rather than tell), it's not worth mentioning.
-Conclusion: I would encourage you to think more specifically about why each school is a good fit for you. This paragraph will have to be tailored to each school--fleshing out distinctive elements of the curriculum, professors' work, clubs/organizations, geography (near certain industries?), etc. Doing so will indicate that you have done your research, and that you are ready to take full advantage of the resources offered by a specific program.
Good work so far, keep going!
Cheers,
Janson
Hi Sharmi!
I think you're off to a great start here. I do have a few major suggestions for you:
-Make your intro more specific, or cut the opening sentences. The 'ever since my childhood' trope is pretty generic and will be seen in many SOPs. So, start with a specific event or intellectual interest, or cut to the bit about the Common Entrance test.
-Try to show how your present (or most recent) job role has prepared you for this type of study, and how this type of study will get you to the 'next level.' Aside from some mechanical issues, content-wise, this is great:
"Currently I am working at HP as Quality Analyst, involves work on Testing and maintenance of web services and also involved in managing and co-coordinating the resources and off-shore teams, which has helped me improve my managerial and leadership skills and understand the challenges and responsibilities involved. My past internship work at GE involved working on the design and analysis of Generator for establishing a FE process, but I also got a chance to understand the importance of Engineering Management in an Industrial point of view."
Can you give more details about your management function and what you do? What skills do you need to build? What are your goals???
-Avoid the 'laundry list.' You write:
"I have an exposure with the courses such as Productivity Management, Reliability, Advanced Manufacturing Engineering, Probability and Statistics which will become my strong background for my advanced research and education. I also have good programming and logical skills. I am a very creative and detailed oriented person. My communication skills are very good and I like presenting my ideas in both oral and written form."
If you can't ground a skill in a specific experience or anecdote (show rather than tell), it's not worth mentioning.
-Conclusion: I would encourage you to think more specifically about why each school is a good fit for you. This paragraph will have to be tailored to each school--fleshing out distinctive elements of the curriculum, professors' work, clubs/organizations, geography (near certain industries?), etc. Doing so will indicate that you have done your research, and that you are ready to take full advantage of the resources offered by a specific program.
Good work so far, keep going!
Cheers,
Janson