Writing Feedback / IELTS-GT (task2): Working Extended hours should restricted. (Agree/Disagree) [6]


Give first the background of your topic, before expressing your view.


You do not need to use semi-colon and comma ( in bold) there.


This is considered to be lengthy.


It seems that you just recurred the idea.

Good luck :)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL ESSAY - Technology makes people's lives simpler rather than complicated [5]


The bold elements make the idea of this sentence missing.
In the past, teachers had to write important things on the chalkboard to teach students about the lesson,resulting in a great waste of time and fatigue of teachers.

Writing Feedback / Teaching in group along with specialised education according to abilities [5]


Grammatically, there is no issue about this sentence. But i see that this needs to be refined to achieve EMPHASIS and DIRECTNESS.
Good education is commonly known as a precursor to future career growth.




Let us rectify this in terms of sentence structure :)
It can be measured in several ways how beneficial individual education is to children.

Writing Feedback / 'homeless or in jail'; Parents are the best teachers; I agree with the statement [4]


Obviously, you write small letter "i" not just once but several times. Practice writing it in capital. Otherwise, you'll do the same mistake over and over again without notification.


This sentence has really a lot of grammatical issues.
Without my parents, I think I would be homeless or in jail, but now by their unwavering support, I have a happy life with a wife, son/daughter, and even a dog that keep inspiring me.

Writing Feedback / SAT: Learning from mistakes or from our successful actions? [6]


Rephrase this. There is no mistake here grammatically.
Lastly, learning takes place through failures which guide us towards success.


Good luck:)

Graduate / "Speech is power: Speech is to persuade, to convert, to compel" Ralph Emerson [3]


Put a dash before the author when you are stating his line. That is the proper way of expressing a quotation.

[


This is a very long sentence which just makes the reader tired to read it. Split this into two. The italic part should be made as a separate sentence.


I know that I am well armed to face the challenges of an online graduate school. Moreover, I am qualified to be a candidate for the graduate program considering my great compassion in the field of speech language pathology and strong work ethic.


Good luck :)

Writing Feedback / Water cycles - process showing how water evaporates, condenses and precipitates [7]


Grammatical mistakes are very evident. Let us fix them by rephrasing this sentence.
The illustration shows that the heating of water caused by the sun results to water evaporation and when condensed, cloud formation occurs.



The bold word is a NOUN. Remember infinitive ( to + base form of verb). Therefore, it is not "summary" , but "SUMMARIZE", rather.

Good luck:)

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 : TRIP TO WORK IN HOUSTON, TEXAS [5]


For me, probably, that way of organizing body paragraphs is very common in writing. However, let us not forget that it is one way to achieve coherence ( putting ideas in chronological order). Furthermore, they are not just as "listing words" ; they also act as transitional devices which is one consideration to earn points.

:)

Writing Feedback / Learn more about another country by watching tv programmes and films about it [4]


Due to TV's shows or films, ( put the subject here) already shows a travel and a story as their reports or
presents.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: People attend collage or university especially for career preparation [9]


I appreciate how you put emphasis here. However, the bold part only makes your point weak. Better rephrase it.


"Whether". Additionally, your sentence lacks with thought.


The idea of this sentence seems rambling. I think this has a better flow :People have many reasons why they attend college, and one of them is for their self-development.

Attend college or university without reason.

We have different strategies to organize body paragraphs. Do not do this way. It's just for spoken language (reporting). Try to observe the works of other members here. I believe you can get a hint when it comes to that.

Writing Feedback / Ielts: invite letter: for Tom - coming for a visit in Beijing [5]

As you know I am living in Beijing so thatwhere there are many attractions and places that Tom can visit.
First of all, there is a place called "Middle Street" where you he can eat a lot of our traditional foods and snacks like Peiking Duct.[/quote]

Secondly, assinc e my hometown is located in the centre of china, the temperature is relatively mild compared with other cities, and more importantly, there is no extreme weathers like cyclone in y our city.

I am looking forward to receiving your reply.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: paying taxes is enough contribution from citizens [8]

It seems you write well. The following are just some grammatical errors I found :

what they do is for the well-beingwelfare of the whole society.

I would argue that citizens have other important responsibilities to fulfill apart from paying tax.

Another responsibility all citizens should take for is to maintain social stability together with the police force.

Writing Feedback / 'monster if we cannot manage it well' - Movies or tv influence people's behavior [7]

Television is a popular formmeans of communication medium in any household.
It has also becomingbecome an important part in our daily life.
It cannot be denied that television is a medium from which we can get information and entertainments.


Better omit this.

Instead of advantages,T he presence of television has many negative impactsalso affects negative on our society.

Firstly, it isB ased on the recent research, all of people of all age are using this media to entertain themselves for an average of five hours a day.

TheDue to content exposure on TV, of course,itwill influence the viewers will be influenced , It is not only their thinking but also their attitude.

Good luck :)

Letters / Confidential Report on Applicant for Graduate Study [5]

As a matter of fact, I am clearly understand that no one could put up with it, except the little girl who was always having classes and practicing alone in my garage where there are some broken bikes and two pianos from 12.00p.m. to 22.00p.m. twice a week.


Three years later, although she passed the exam and to be a music teacher, she never givegave up her initial dream in learning music a a nd kept on learning to me.


The bold part seems confusing. Try to rewrite it more clearer.

Writing Feedback / Ielts take 2 Young people attitude towards parents and grand parents [4]

Recently, there has been a social concern inwith regards to what different attitudes children hold towards their parents and their grandparents.


Unnecessary expression. Delete it.

However, children treadtreat their grandparents as friends.

For instance, after retirement, grandparents will enjoy more free time in which they can keep up with their grandchildren' interests such as listening to their music, watchingtheir television ,orand playing game with them. Having such bondand this will create a positive communication between grandparents and grandchildren.


We call this as padded statement. Direct to the point. Writing like that hides your main point.

Good luck:)

Writing Feedback / Ielts take 2 Young people attitude towards parents and grand parents [4]


Actually, both are interchangeable. Meaning, both are correct. However, in writing, it is more appropriate to use "with regard to". But in spoken language, you can use both.

" In regards to" is wrong. It must be "in regard to" or "with regard to". Hope I answer you question :D

Letters / Confidential Report on Applicant for Graduate Study [5]

You are very much welcome ^_^

Thank you for trusting Essay Forum. Hope you will post more. Do not hesitate. We are lot here very willing to help you!! Also, we are encouraging you to help others out with their essays. :))

Good luck:)

Scholarship / We no longer live in the past; we strive to seek for a perfected global future [9]


its engine. You do not need to put an apostrophe nor contract it.


This consists of two independent clauses. Therefore, do not combine them without leaving a comma.

Although technology has dramatically changed the way we see and relate to each other, it hasis yet toachieveachieving its threshold.


cars

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2 - VIOLENT MOVIES can cause serious social problems [8]

One of the main problems that contributes to the severe troubles is that violent movies make people neglected .
Recently, most of people suppose that the high rates of violent scenes are leading to detrimental community issues .


Delete this. Instead of writing this way, express your opinion. It is not presented in your introduction.
To begin with , there are three factors that bringbringingabout the consequence of violent films .[/quote]



violent


youngsters


if

If the government removesthe violent scenes in movies


parents
Beside, parents shouldimpose discipline in their home


The italic part should be combined as one. They are not separate sentences.

Good luck:)

Writing Feedback / IELTS_TASK2_ People aim to achieve the balance between their work and lives [4]

In present-day society, to accomplish own dreams, most people hashave failed to keep a balance between their busy work and daily lives. and this problem has to some extent troubled

I agree with Pahan. You still need to improve your introduction. If you want to earn more points, follow the approach he has given above.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: To solve traffic problems, governments should tax private car [5]

Fikri is right. Do not begin your paragraph with that transitional device. Using it means you are giving a contradictory view.

For example, if governments raise taxes, people who have financial problemdifficulties with money , like poor family, willcannot afford to fulfill their basic necessitiesnotbe able to have enough money everything .

:)

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2 - VIOLENT MOVIES can cause serious social problems [8]


Hi, it's grammatically correct. But we should avoid writing a wordy sentence as much as possible. That is one of the sentence common faults that we must avoid in writing sentences.:)

Scholarship / We no longer live in the past; we strive to seek for a perfected global future [9]


Grammatically, there is no issue with that, for we consider such as a standard sentence structure. But in that sentence, the verb should be in present progressive aspect , and not in future. That manifests on the first part of the sentence if we will just scrutinize :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2:Dressing appropriately is important or not?? [7]


he or she
him or her


it


It is unnecessary to put a comma.

These festivals are inherited from our ancestors and it is our responsibility to preserve and continue tothem forourthe next generations.


The bold part is not an acceptable in English grammar. It must be " would lead".

Good luck:)

Book Reports / Portrayal of Women in Hamlet - "Frailty, Thy name is woman" [4]

Gertrude, the queen of Denmark and Ophelia, the prince's lover are the only two women in the play that have been portrayed as weak and manipulative and can be used."manipulative" and "can be used" have the same meaning , and also the latter violates parallelism.

Polonius's intentions are seen through his utterance withthe desperate tone in he speaks with .

Research Papers / 'Mother Teresa is an idol' - Mother Teresa Reseach Paper [2]

Therefore, Mother Teresa is world famous because of her help with the homeless, her charity work, and theher big role in the Catholic Church.

Generally, Mother Teresa helped the homeless; however, the widespread poverty of Calcutta made a deep impression on her and this led to her starting a new order called "The Missionaries of Charity" (Pettinger).

In 1952, Mother Teresa opened her first home for dying and the medically neglected, so people could pass away properly.
Furthermore, Mother Teresa' s charity work is beyond belief.
Since Mother Teresa spent basically all of her time at the missionaries and doingdid charity work, she was essentially relentless.
Subsequently, she was one of the biggest role models in her Catholic Church.

Hope you will continue trusting this site. Thank you for posting it. :)

Undergraduate / Gracious App - University of Wisconsin / Computer Science [2]

First, welcome to EF and I am glad to have you on board :)

In high school, programming classes weren't offered, so I devoted my credits and time to classes that would supplement a programming career and exploringexplore my interests, including marching band.

From freshmen year in high school to sophomore year in college, I have been in marching band, and have enjoyed every second of it .
Having grown up on a farm, my father's work ethic was ironclad, and I struggled to keep up (from?) --lack with thought
His favorite response of mine was "If you love your work, there's nothing to be overwhelmed by", and was he was right.

Over time, these interests were molded into passions and are now part of who I am.

Writing Feedback / Traffic problems in city; new roads and railway networks, sub ways and skylines [5]

Old people,they like to go out and socialise with otherspeople . and it completely depends upon the people's choice.


These are the most effective ways to solve this problem.
To sum up,I would like to reiteratebelieve that nobody can stop the people to go to work,shopping and education.


Whereas

Undergraduate / Common App Transfer - Arriving at Equilibrium (Communications Major) [5]

I grew up in a stable household ; my mother is a registered nurse and my father is an aerospace engineer . A s a family we envisioned success in numbers.

Reading and writing made me feel things like sadness, grief, jubilation, and connection.

Letters / Motivation letter - Master in Facility Management at Zurich University [4]

I would firmly become and an English teacher or a translator.
ana unique chance to support... You must use article "a" (consonant sound;though 'unique' starts with a vowel letter.)


This lacks with a verb to be a sentence.
What impressed me that is that the program structure and direction match the fields I've worked.

Letters / Motivation letter - Master in Facility Management at Zurich University [4]


I would firmly become an English teacher or a translator.

Scholarship / provide a statement outlining why you are applying for these Scholarships [3]

This scholarship will make me one of the few certified female investment analysts in Zimbabwe...
well - groomed
By joining a team of professionals that is competent, adheres to financial statutes and respect the corporate governance. (Where is the doer of the action in this sentence?)

We will work together for to improve our organisation and ultimately our country.
I intend to start focus groups and symposiums that focuses investment analyst

Writing Feedback / GRE: fields of study in which students are unlikely to succeed should be banned [5]

Educational institutes have the responsibility of providing to provide students a good knowledge and skillsbase and makingmake
them competent enough to take their own decisions.
Teachers and facilitators may have a good understanding of the skills and mind of an individual student, yet this understanding does not exceeds student's self awareness.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: Your job brings you more happiness that your social life does [5]

I guessN o one could deny the significance of jobs to our pleasure since it offers money to meet our needs in substancedaily life.

Job, being regarded as the material life's resource,
Social life ranks ahead of job actually because the happiness job affords is fundamentally built on the fundamentally social life, and relationships among the society is quite indispensable. (Don't combine two independent clauses without leaving a comma.)

These are questions the job-seekers usually ask themselves, which indicates the importance of social life.
A high-income job with an uncomfortable relationships among co-workers just leads you to be fed up with, let alone brings happiness.
According the argument aboveTo conclude , I reinforce my unshaken stand pointstrongly agree that job is obliged to be ranked as the priority in terms of influence on our happiness.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: improve health by increasing sport facilities; 'regimen of nutrition' [6]

A strong soicety containtssociety contains healthy individuals
Upon this rationale, govern ments are putting more effort in this task such as building green park which is convenient for jogging andbasicsbasicexeceriseexercise .

Further more (Furthermore)

Do not forget to check the spelling.

Writing Feedback / Classical Conditioning Narrative - Psychology 101 Course [2]

Classical Conditioning isas defined by Gerrig (2012) asis "a type of learning in which a conditioned response comes to be elicited by a conditioned stimulus that has acquired its power through an association with an unconditioned stimulus". I think you also have to acknowledge Ivan Pavlov since he is the proponent of this theory.

By the time I lay in bed, my arousal would be so intense that it would be fortook several hours (on a good night) before I would pass out from exhaustion.

The final goal in this process of learning would be to eventually associationassociate bedtime with feelings of serenity and relaxation.

Writing Feedback / "The Decline of Manners" by Judy Martin [3]

In "The Decline of Manners, " (remove comma) by Judy Martin, the author states that people of today are ruder than they were twenty or thirty years ago.

Martin also goes on to declares that people of today are slovenly, less communicative, and generally impolite to one other.
She claims "that the increasing informality dress and grooming, lack of communication skills, and sense of mean-spiritedness" appliesaffecttothe behavior.


First of all, Martin argues that the decline of manners is brought by the increasing informality of dress and grooming.
Fashion with a manners has do nothing with this.


Where is the subject of the sentence?

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Reading books or Watching TV? 'Equal credits should be given' [7]

When people read novels and magazines, what is happening happens in their minds is the restructure and reorganization of the information and knowledge in books.

Some people criticize that there is no necessity for our brains to work as all information on TV are shown in detailed and vivid images.

Regarding this, my question is how can a person can have the best understanding of a car if he doesn't see a car before?

The positive effect iscan be also observed on people who usually watch TV a lot .

However instead of writing, TV programs influence positivelyare probably more beneficialto people's listening and speaking skills.

Writing Feedback / Non-academic subject should stay in school syllabus along with academic subjects [3]

Primarily, physical education should be mandatory to be included in school syllabus because it brings many benefits to the children.

First, i t helps children to be fit...

Thesedays (These days)

Thus, physical education is effective for children in many ways.

Similarly,cooking is an essential skill which should be encouraged fromneeded to be taught in school to enhance the interest of children.

If children study this skill frominthe school, ittheywould help them tocan be able tomakecook food at their home alone .

This would help them to leadhave a healthy life.

To sum up, I would like to reiteratebelieve that non-academic subjects such as cooking and physical education should staybe incorporated in the school syllabus along with the academic subjects .It wouldto increase the quality of life of children.

Letters / Application for the post of Project Support Officer (Local) - cover letter [3]

I have demonstrated to handle wide range of stakeholders and stakeholder management;and able to maintain and coordinate with diverse people from different institutions and NGOs etc.

I have demonstrated ability to supervise and provide supports to all line stakeholders and always proved beneficial and meet expectations of stakeholders.

In addition, I have good communicational and facilitation skills, an outstanding work ethics, and ability to work well in both team-oriented and self-directed environments.

Over and aboveMost of all(more precise) , I possess advanced knowledge of Microsoft Office Applications and have basic institutional framework and climate change policies of Bhutan.

I am looking forward to hearing from you soon.