Undergraduate / 'Dear Admissions Staff, I don't give a Shih Tzu' [19]

It's kind of a risky essay, so be brutally honest.
Dear Admissions Staff:
My name is Prince, and I am a shih tzu. Particularly, I belong to Karissa Austin, a young lady who is applying for a spot at your prestigious institution. Of all people (or animals) in the world, I get to observe her behavior most closely, so I feel I will be able to give you a glimpse of what her personality is like.

Karissa is the type of person who likes to do things; she can't stand being stuck at home for too long. For example, she bothers her sister to go with her to take me on walks, just for the sake of getting out of the house. She loves to bake sweets and cook ethnic foods from different cultures, particularly Middle Eastern dishes. Raised in a suburb, she adores the complexity and diversity of cosmopolitan areas. I think she would love the big city vibe of New York, don't you?

She is also a big goof ball. She laughs constantly and loves to be silly. She's truly a kid at heart! She loves to come up with silly stories about the romance between me and the neighbor's dog, Faith, but that's quite ridiculous considering I've never even met the gal. For all her juvenility, though, Karissa is mature. Her friends, family, and peers find her to be dependable and hardworking, traits that I know Karissa prides herself on.

I've seen my fair share of Karissa's internal struggles. I've been there when she had to pull all nighters doing homework and projects, combating stress and sleep deprivation. I've been there when she has existential crises, and I was there to see her float back to reality. I've gotten to see Karissa deeply contemplate life after high school. She likes to ponder the undiscovered country known as the future. She approaches it with excitement and anticipation, with doses of apprehension and uncertainty.

Karissa is not perfect. She can get grumpy when she's tired, she can have a temper, and she smothers me sometimes with her big hugs. But these are also the things that make her so great. She may get testy when she hasn't slept enough, but she does so in the name of hard work. She may be quick to anger, but she does so to defend what she believes in. Above all, she may suffocate me a little with her embraces, but it's only because she's a loving, compassionate person. In the end, that's all I need.

I hope you consider her for admission; she would love to be the next addition to your university and will not disappoint!

Respectfully Yours,
Prince

I hope it didn't come off like i'm arrogantly talking about myself in the third person. If it did, PLEASE TELL ME!

Undergraduate / Big zhou, my chemistry teacher [14]

This is for common app. THIS IS NOT THE TITLE BY THE WAY.
Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

I walked down the hall of the science building, anticipating what would await me when I reached the last room in the row of classes: E5. Schedule in hand, I cautiously entered the laboratory, trying not to scuff up my new shoes. "Zhou, J." it said next to the fifth period spot, "AP Chemistry." My friends and I settled in to the front corner of the classroom, when a willowy, glasses-clad Chinese woman emerged from the back room of the lab. "Hallo! I am Mrs. Zhou. I know my accent is hard to understand, but you will get used to it!" It is her signature disclaimer that she bellows out on the first day of school, completely self-assured it is not a hindrance. From the outset, she exuded strangeness and genuine kindness at the same time. Everybody loves her, and I could not help but smile at her subtle confidence. "This is going to be fun," I thought.

It was. Except for the chemistry part; it was the most challenging class I have ever taken. As difficult as mole to gram conversions and galvanic cells were to understand, Mrs. Zhou, or "Big Zhou" as she is affectionately known, never wavered in her dedication to and compassion for her students. At times, the strain of chemistry caused me to doubt myself. But if my test scores started slipping or I showed even the slightest signs of giving up, she was the first one to put me in check, always making sure to remind me of the extent of my potential. "Karissa, you so smart but TALKS TOO MUCH" she liked to tell me, even if my eyes diverted from the PowerPoint presentation for even a second or two.

I soon learned of Mrs. Zhou's journey to the chemistry lab in E5, and, subsequently, my life. She was born and raised in China and attended the University of Beijing before moving to Ohio for medical school. She worked as a medical researcher for several years before becoming a teacher. It struck me as quite the downgrade. "Big Zhou, why would you come to West Covina High School, of all places, when you could be making so much money?" I asked her once. "I like you guys!" she retorted, her toothy grin in all its glory. "And I love teaching, it's my passion."

She never said much else about her tenure in the medical field. Even so, her white, starchy lab coat with "Dr. Zhou, Infectious Diseases" embroidered in bright blue thread on the front pocket hangs in the back of the lab, like a ghost. It is a constant reminder of her past, and how it brought her into the lives of so many people. Sometimes, I would mess around and wear it, pretending I was like her. I can only hope that in the future, I am.

Aside from grammatical tips or other suggestions, please say something about what the "point" i was trying to make was. Also, does the last sentence imply I am interested in medicine at all?? It wasn't supposed to haha. THANKS!

Undergraduate / NYU SUPPLEMENT- In n Out, Socratic Seminars, Sewing (badly) [21]

It seems like alot of writing, but it's short I promise! Help me and I'll try my best to help you. Any and all criticism is appreciated.

1. Why NYU?

You've never been to California unless you've had an In-n-Out hamburger. The succulent delicacy known as the double-double is the pride and joy of the Golden State. Lucky for me, I live close to the run-down original building and the grandiose In-n-Out University (yes, it really does exist!), so I get to enjoy the delicious burgers on a regular basis.

As much as I love to order a number one with ketchup, mustard, and grilled onions only, I've found that In-n-Out symbolizes the downfalls of suburbia. If my friends and I get bored, our options are the mall, the movies, or In-n-Out. The original restaurant is the only "historical site" at my immediate disposal, and visiting different In-n-Out locations isn't my idea of seeing the world.

The lack of opportunity and perspective in the suburbs has led me to fill out this application to NYU. I envision my college experience taking place in New York and abroad, an experience that would allow me to conquer the intellectual and personal challenge of adapting and thriving in a globalized world. The study abroad opportunities at NYU will allow me to achieve this goal, whether I am in Greenwich Village, Abu Dhabi, Paris, or elsewhere. I am dedicated to pursuing my education while gaining experiences to shape how I view myself and the world around me, even if doing so doesn't involve In-n-Out hamburgers.

2. Regardless of whether or not you have an intended major or concentration, please elaborate on an academic area of interest and how you wish to explore it at NYU's campuses in New York or Abu Dhabi or at one of our global academic centers around the world. Please share any activities or experiences you have had that have cultivated your intellectual interests leading you to choose to study at the NYU campus of your choice. (I chose New York without portal schools because I won't be old enough to qualify)

"Alright guys, put the desks into two circles; we're going to have a Socratic Seminar."

Whenever Mr. Sanford uttered these words at the beginning of AP World History class, nearly every student grunted in disapproval. "This is so unbelievably stupid and pointless" was the usual complaint, with the occasional "Socrates must have been really lame."

I'm glad to say that I wasn't one of the angsty. In fact, I was one of the A's in the Triple A Rule. The Triple A Rule (or A Cubed) involved Austin, Austin, and Ang (the second Austin is my twin sister). During a Socratic Seminar, the three A's could not talk directly after one another. With a class full of shy and/or apathetic students, the wait to speak was long and frustrating, so A Cubed was quite annoying.

Eventually, I found the silver lining. Though I couldn't talk as much as I would have liked, the restriction enabled me to think critically about the cause and effect relationship of events in the past and how they relate to the present. Subsequently, I developed a newfound respect for history and world cultures. I am unsure if either will become my major, but I want to begin my exploration of culture and history in New York in order to experience the diverse facets of the city and America itself. By my second year, I want to study at any portal campus in order to have first-hand exposure to the histories and cultures of the nations and people I read about in my textbooks.

3. What intrigues you? Tell us about one work of art, scientific achievement, piece of literature, method of communication, or place in the world (a film, book, performance, website, event, location, etc.), and explain its significance to you.

At the end of 8th grade, my dad bought me a sewing machine, expecting I'd be a seamstress like my grandma. I did too, so I ordered The Complete Photo Guide to Sewing, hoping to channel my inner designer.

It quickly became apparent that Coco Chanel would not be reincarnated as Karissa Austin. I tend to spew out tangled contraptions that can not be considered wearable, let alone stylish. Regardless, I keep my sewing book around because it's one of the few objective things in my life. When I attempt to follow a new dress pattern, the book's procedure is black and white: cut out the brown tissue paper, fold the fabric, pin, cut, sew, and, if I'm lucky, the end product will be fashionable. Though this process has helped me spawn several horrendous garments, it has also sparked my intrigue in the contrast between logic and expression, the difference between the left and right brain, so to speak. For example, if I look at sleek architecture, I wonder how the beams and welding created the building, but I also wonder what the architect was trying to express. If I read a poem, I consider the functional purpose of punctuation and form, but I also consider the aesthetic flow. If I look at a dress, I visualize the individual pieces and how they're put together, but I also visualize the designer's inspiration.

Am I eternally plagued with being a mediocre seamstress? Probably, but at least my sewing book has helped me explore contrasts beyond clothes.

Thanks! :D