EF_Kevin
Jan 13, 2015
Undergraduate / "Don't Forget The Lyrics" (A Cheesy Common App Essay About A Bad Audition - Prompt #2) [5]
You know, this is a great accomplishment and it's the kind that could be played with... like, you could move the last paragraph to the top and make it the introduction. That would be really intriguing.
The room was becoming increasingly smaller than it did before and No matter how many times I had played this moment out in... The sentence didn't make sense as you had written it, so you should simplify.
Well, your writing is great and I really think you'll make a good impression with this. Now as you complete it, you might do well if you make a strong, clear connection between this experience and the GOALS you're trying to achieve in college. You can show how this experience of being humbled and empowered strengthened your empathy or understanding for people going through that experience. How is that related to your career goals? I'm interested in seeing how you can connect this experience with your professional goals.
: )
You know, this is a great accomplishment and it's the kind that could be played with... like, you could move the last paragraph to the top and make it the introduction. That would be really intriguing.
Well, your writing is great and I really think you'll make a good impression with this. Now as you complete it, you might do well if you make a strong, clear connection between this experience and the GOALS you're trying to achieve in college. You can show how this experience of being humbled and empowered strengthened your empathy or understanding for people going through that experience. How is that related to your career goals? I'm interested in seeing how you can connect this experience with your professional goals.
: )