ah_zafari [Contributor]
Jun 2, 2012
Writing Feedback / Computer is an electronic device made by the humans for the welfare of human being. [4]
Hi,
There are several important points that you should consider. 1) Each paragraph has three main parts: "topic sentence", "body or supports" and conclusion. The paragraphs of this essay have no conclusion. 2) Use transitional words and phrases for connecting sentences. 3) Repetition is apparently observed in the essay, 4) Use stronger vocabulary and complex sentences. 5) Finally, there were some defects with regard to the structure of the essay that I mentioned them at the text below.
Hi,
There are several important points that you should consider. 1) Each paragraph has three main parts: "topic sentence", "body or supports" and conclusion. The paragraphs of this essay have no conclusion. 2) Use transitional words and phrases for connecting sentences. 3) Repetition is apparently observed in the essay, 4) Use stronger vocabulary and complex sentences. 5) Finally, there were some defects with regard to the structure of the essay that I mentioned them at the text below.