Undergraduate /
Family's impact on my education/ Common App [5]
collage
He is not going to do arts, so I guess "college"?
Ever since I was little I was told that I was going to go to high school, graduate, go to college and start my career.
how about this? "I was going to go to high school, to graduate, to go to college, and to start my career"
This goal
I would use "the" here
Now, a few years later, I am about to complete high school and start in collage where I will spend four years dedicating myself to the art of learning to gain knowledge about computer and technology related subjects
long and wordy. Try this. Now, a few years later, I am about to enroll in college where I will spend four years dedicating myself learning, and, hence, gain knowledge about computer and technology.
As far back as I can remember
Just "as far as I can remember"
my brothers were always enraged by advances in technology,
Enraged? This word means make very angry. I think you go the wrong word here, probably engaged or excited or passionate?
whether it be the home PC in the 90s or the growing popularity of the Internet to the public
you are substituting "advances in technology" which is plural with "it". Which is wrong, change it and make them agree.
Since then I grew up using and learning the PC, then the internet and once I was older, the cellphone, various software, operating systems and more.
Bad parallel structure and awkward sentenced, change this sentence.
try this "Since then I grew up using and learning about the PC and the internet, and once I was older I learned and used cellphones, various software, operating systems, and much more"
These interests lead me to try to create a few things of my own like developing a video game when I was only in seventh grade, not great but I managed to do it, and more recently learning the components of a pc while building one myself.
badly worded you should rewrite this whole sentence.
Finally, after reading your essay. WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING ASPIRATION OR DREAM? OR EDUCATIONAL GOAL? just attending college is not a great educational goal, use your education to improve the world is an good educational goal. I cannot stress it more enough, answer the prompt.
Help with this essay too, please.