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Posts by linting2012
Joined: Nov 4, 2012
Last Post: Dec 31, 2012
Threads: 10
Posts: 78  
From: El Salvador

Displayed posts: 88 / page 1 of 3
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linting2012   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Minority Hill Tribe is One of My Homes/ CALVIN COLLEGE; Christian learning environment [7]

Hi Q
Thanks for checking my essay. I am not sure, but I somehow read the story about old woman with uneven tooth somewhere in this forum too. Maybe it is one of your post that I read through, but just be careful. However I think this is a very touching essay. Maybe, but just maybe, you could mention that your cultural diversity and open mindness can help the story to accept other culture?

Good Luck
linting2012   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Feel real/Citizens of the world; Princeton Supplement;Culture/Speech of Woodrow [14]

Both of the essay have great message. But I feel much more moved by the first essay. You explore a really difficult problem, what does it meant to be alive, to be real? and answer it greatly. I love the first one and I would suggest you to choose the first one. Please help with my Gap year and HKU essay please.
linting2012   
Dec 28, 2012
Undergraduate / Working at an International Fair; GAP year Essay. What have you been doing? [4]

What do you guys think about this?

After graduation I decided to help my parents at work because I wanted to contribute financially to my family. However my working experience not only helped me financially but also provided me with several great lessons.

From working more than 14 hours daily in the International Fair, I learned the true meaning of perseverance: that is to continue doing your best even when your eyelids are heavy, when your legs become dead weight, and when your heart is too tired to pump anymore. From the harsh work I also understood the importance of optimism: a smile or an act of kindness during hard and tiring times can make even the hardest times deem tolerable. From managing a small store outlet, I became aware the importance of collaboration and trust. After all there is no way I can do everything on my own, and I must trust others to help me out. However from trusting too much, I also learned the importance of guidelines and controls, which will decrease the chance of others betraying my trust. Through working and talking with locals, the once distant world of poverty and corruption that only appears in newspapers suddenly appears in front of me. I constantly hear the stories about the difficulties of surviving on the $200 monthly wage, the terror of living near the violent "maras" (gangs), and the complaints against the corrupted Salvadoran Government. Compare to their problems, mine seems trivial. Finally, after seeing the difficulties of operating a business in a bad economy, I came to appreciate all the opportunities my parents gave me: I appreciate that they let me go to a very good school, I appreciate the freedom they gave me while sacrificing their own, I appreciate the money they spend on me, and, most of all, I appreciate that they let me pursue the things I love.

Despite working full time, I always found time for my hobbies. I continued my passion in learning through MIT OpenCourseware, where I learned the Multi-Variable calculus. I also pursued Biology, a subject that I couldn't take in school, and will do a Biology M subject test in January. Besides that I continue going to shooting fields to continue practicing archery. Finally, I also continue working on papercrafting, though time prevented me to work on any extensive projects.

Even though I didn't win a major competition or get a significant achievement during the gap year, I believe what I learned is more important than any achievements. This working experience really opened up my eyes and let me see something beyond just education.
linting2012   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Humans at fault? / Cornell University Common App/Intrests &experiences on Major [2]

Hi qwerty (great name BTW)

I will be harsh with you. But I think this essay, despite being very well written, is boring. I think so because it follows the traditional ways that people use to write this essay. An experience - Join a Club - Want to study the subject. Can you write something more interesting? Perhaps say something that you actually did that impact the environment? Or Perhaps start with joining the club, which let you remember the incident about the turtles and reaffirmed your dream of studying environmental stuff? Good Luck, and this is just my opinion, which could be very wrong so don't let me get to you

Can you please check my HKU essay? Its due tomorrow, I would appreciate it
linting2012   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Living 11 years as a competitive swimmer; Common app/ Extracurricular [3]

For those who see swimming only in the Olympics, the sport may look glamorous and easy. However living 11 years as a competitive swimmer I know it is anything bu

Maybe "it is anything but easy"?

Waking up at 5am six days a week, year round for a grueling two and a half hour practice has taught me to be dedicated and continue to try my hardest even when things get hard and I feel like giving up.

Confusing, misplaced modifier. Try this "Waking up at 5 am for six days a week for the grueling two and a half hour practice, I learned to be dedicated and to continue trying my hardest, even when things are becoming difficult and I feel like giving up"

I have turned down countless social invitations because I knew to train at the highest level and become a top competitor I could not afford to miss one practice or one mee

Kind of confusing, probably seprate them into two sentences?

I have become relentlessly hard working in everything I do and now crave a challenge in all aspects of my life, physical or mental.

"whether it is physical or mental"

Please help with my HKU essay, its due tomorrow
linting2012   
Dec 27, 2012
Undergraduate / Effect of my Tricultural Background - HKU Personal Statement [7]

Hi Everyone, the essay is due TOMORROW, so please help me.

HKU Personal Statement

I believe that diversity is not a state of being demographically varied, but rather, a state of thinking in a different and unique way. Just as René Descartes, a famous French philosopher, once said, "I think therefore I am", our existence is defined by our thinking. So if our thinking defines our existence, wouldn't our particular ways of thinking define our diversity? Born in Taiwan, lived in El Salvador, and studied in a British school, I was raised in a tri-cultural background. This background I was raised in, along with the different economic situation I encountered and my ability to converse in three languages has shaped my way of thinking in a unique way.

Experiencing different cultures has broadened my perspective. From the more family oriented Taiwan, I understood the importance of family and the responsibility being part of one entails; while going to a British school taught me to be more independent from my family and think for my own good. From the cram school filled Taiwan, I learned the importance of studying hard and good habit for studying; while my school showed me the importance of working hard not for competitions or awards, but for my passions and for the fun of learning. This led me to follow my passion in Archery, where I won a bronze medal in Junior Competition, and Papercrafting, where I create my own papercrafts*. Finally from the patriarchal Asian society, I learned the responsibility and obligations of being a male, such as being accountable and reliable when needed; while from the more gender equal Salvadoran Society I understood the importance of equality and the incorrect perception I had towards women. Due to the frequent conflict and apparent contradiction between my three cultural backgrounds, I was able to question my old assumptions and to embrace newer perspective.

Living in different countries with diverse economic settings has also shaped who I have become. First of all El Salvador's rampant crimes and unstable political stance has made me value the importance of living the moment and appreciating what I have; while Taiwan's recent conversion to democracy let me remember the struggle and the cost of attaining such freedom, such as the Kaohsiung Incident: where death and imprisonment of many important activist eventually led to democracy in Taiwan. Besides that, El Salvador's poverty had taught me to be thrift and economical and inspired me to help change the world. This is why I raised $5000 to help renovate a children's hospital in El Salvador; while the more economically prosper in Taiwan have demonstrated usefulness of money in many occasions. Lastly, the many opportunities offered by the British School gave me many chances to improve myself; however the lack of opportunities in El Salvador has taught me to take advantage of the opportunities offered by my school and appreciate even the smallest help. The great dissimilarity between the developing and developed world has not only let me see the problem of poverty and inspired me to help but also let me appreciate my privileges.

Finally, I firmly believe American linguist Benjamin Lee Whorf's notion that languages have a profound effect on thinking, and my ability to converse fluently in Mandarin, English, and Spanish has allowed me to first handedly experience this effect. To start with, my understanding of Chengyu, Chinese Idiomatic Expressions, helps me to understand the subtle meaning of Mandarin speech and in the same time helps me to think more like a Chinese. Besides that my expertise in Salvadoran slang gave me a sense of belonging and compels me to see from a Salvadoran's perspective. Finally my frequent acquaintances with British humour had let me stomach even the harshest jokes and laugh from the bottom of my heart.

Even though the apparent paradoxical effect on me from three apparently contradicting society had made me became, initially, confused of my own identity, I came to realize that the intertwining of the three culture is actually my identity. This several conflicting perspective is my perspective. Instead of seeing the world from one view, I see it from three. I think not just like a Taiwanese, but also like a Salvadoran and a British. I believe this gave me a bigger and broader perspective that shaped my unique ways of thinking. This is the reason why I want to study at HKU. I believe that by studying in HKU I would further broaden my perspective and incorporate the culture, language and economic situation of Hong Kong into my life. Besides, I believe that my particular ways of thinking will not only add to the diversity in HKU, but also contribute to the culture of HKU.

* This is the video of papercraft designed by me: youtube.com/watch?v=UxrElUT2SpE
linting2012   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Housework; MIT App /Pleasure Activity [5]

Thank you all very much.
@dnx2000: I am actually the last comment on your MIT essay, it is very interesting. BTW I definitely going to change the *, since it makes the essay a little less "flowy"

@MIab: Thank you very much. I really like papercraft, but I feel that helping my parents actually revealed more about me. What do you think?

Does anyone has other opinions? What do you guy think about this corrected version?

Running the X-Acto knife meticulously down the center of the cutting line and waiting patiently until the glue between two small pieces of paper dried, I came to love this craft. This is a craft of creation, where every incision and gluing give life to an idea. This is a craft of great dedication, where a simple error of deviating 1mm from the cutting line could affect the integrity of the work. This is also a craft of mathematics, where geometric equation is your best friend when dissecting the complex polygon. This is Pepakura - or in English, Papercraft.

Besides guys, I made an craft from scratch : youtube.com/watch?v=UxrElUT2SpE

how can I incorporate this in the essay? Or should I just leave it in the MIT invention section?
linting2012   
Dec 26, 2012
Undergraduate / Housework; MIT App /Pleasure Activity [5]

Hi guys, I have two essay prepared for the MIT pleasure Essay. Can you please tell me which essay is better?

We know you lead a busy life, full of activities, many of which are required of you. Tell us about something you do for the pleasure of it. (*)(100 words or fewer)

First one:

Doing housework is definitely not pleasurable, but I enjoy it. Watching my parent's tired back and gloomy face, I know that managing a business is hard. However every time my father came home he would always squeeze out a little smile and reassure me: "everything will be alright". I love my parents and I yearn to help. However they want me to focus on my studies, so I decided to do what I can: housework. Now, when I see my parents' joy as they return to a cleaned home, I can't help but enjoy this boring and never ending work.

*This was during High School. I start working after graduation.

Second one:

Running the X-Acto knife meticulously down the center of the cutting line and waiting patiently until the glue between two small pieces of paper dried, I came to love this craft. This is a craft of creation, where every incision and gluing give life to an idea. This is a craft of great dedication, where a simple error of deviating 1mm from the cutting line could affect the integrity of the work. This is also a craft of mathematics, where geometric equation is your best friend when dissecting the complex polygon. This is Pepakura*.

*Papercraft in Japanese

thank you all so very much
linting2012   
Dec 24, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Telekinesis' ; MIT short essay [6]

I think the essay is good, it shows that you are curious, understand/love scientific method, understand how to apply this method to real life situation, your creativity etc. Basically a person that MIT wants. I think that it is good. Mind reading through my personality essay too?
linting2012   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / "everyone can be a leader" / Common App - ECA 1000 characters [2]

It did show you as a strong and independent person. BUT definitely not a team leader, since you never mentioned how other people contribute to the success. Perhaps tell how you used other people's suggestion or idea more?
linting2012   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / It wasn't until I started living with my grandmother; what matters to you ? [5]

Can you please tell me what is the word limit? Other than that this essay is really good. Just a suggestion though, in your essay you never mentioned about technological innovations so it seems out of place (I get what you implied but the link is no clear) Probably mentioned something about technological innovation in your essay?

Good Luck in stanford

BTW please check this essay of mine please
please also tell me which version of essay do you prefer
linting2012   
Dec 21, 2012
Undergraduate / Family's impact on my education/ Common App [5]

collage

He is not going to do arts, so I guess "college"?

Ever since I was little I was told that I was going to go to high school, graduate, go to college and start my career.

how about this? "I was going to go to high school, to graduate, to go to college, and to start my career"

This goal

I would use "the" here

Now, a few years later, I am about to complete high school and start in collage where I will spend four years dedicating myself to the art of learning to gain knowledge about computer and technology related subjects

long and wordy. Try this. Now, a few years later, I am about to enroll in college where I will spend four years dedicating myself learning, and, hence, gain knowledge about computer and technology.

As far back as I can remember

Just "as far as I can remember"

my brothers were always enraged by advances in technology,

Enraged? This word means make very angry. I think you go the wrong word here, probably engaged or excited or passionate?

whether it be the home PC in the 90s or the growing popularity of the Internet to the public

you are substituting "advances in technology" which is plural with "it". Which is wrong, change it and make them agree.

Since then I grew up using and learning the PC, then the internet and once I was older, the cellphone, various software, operating systems and more.

Bad parallel structure and awkward sentenced, change this sentence.
try this "Since then I grew up using and learning about the PC and the internet, and once I was older I learned and used cellphones, various software, operating systems, and much more"

These interests lead me to try to create a few things of my own like developing a video game when I was only in seventh grade, not great but I managed to do it, and more recently learning the components of a pc while building one myself.

badly worded you should rewrite this whole sentence.

Finally, after reading your essay. WHAT IS YOUR FREAKING ASPIRATION OR DREAM? OR EDUCATIONAL GOAL? just attending college is not a great educational goal, use your education to improve the world is an good educational goal. I cannot stress it more enough, answer the prompt.

Help with this essay too, please.
linting2012   
Dec 20, 2012
Undergraduate / Salvadoran's Resourcefulness MIT World Essay [4]

Thank you all so much for the revision. @Nairbear: WIth your revision I will definitely be inside the word limit.
@MHKHRY: Thank you for providing a more appealing and detailed description of my starting lines

However what do you guys think about the essay in general and is there improvements I can make to it?

I greatly appreciate your help
linting2012   
Dec 20, 2012
Undergraduate / Barnard College/ what influenced your decision to apply? Simple delightful! [5]

I think this essay is good, it succinctly tells the admission officer what you like about the college and why you want to go there. However what is the word count? Maybe you could elaborate more on the subject you want to study on and how banard college can help you?

Good Luck

BTW please also look at my MIT World essay
linting2012   
Dec 20, 2012
Undergraduate / Salvadoran's Resourcefulness MIT World Essay [4]

Hi everyone, thank you all for being so helpful recently. Can you all please look at this essay too? Please tell me if the essay is trite or boring, I think many people also want to change the world, however i think my experience is unique.

Describe the world you come from; for example, your family, clubs, school, community, city, or town. How has that world shaped your dreams and aspirations?(*) (200-250 words)

Looking out from the car window, most peoples see babies with their mothers begging for tomorrow's meal, children of my age or younger cleaning windows for spare change, and old man selling mint candy for a "cora" (quarter). They see poverty. However I see plates made out of gourds, tires retreaded for further use, and liquid soap dispenser made out of water bottle. I see wisdom, resiliency against poverty, and resourcefulness.

Gradually I came to admire Salvadorans, especially my archery coach. Despite living in El Salvador, an impoverished country, he never resigned to poverty and gave up on the archery, a very expensive sport. Instead he changed his fate using the tiny resource around him. He created dozens of essential archery accessories using broken or recycled materials, from making clicker* out of broken VHS cassette to making quivers out of PVC tubes. He used conventional materials in an unconventional way to create something needed. He showed me the essence of innovation.

Salvadorans like my coach greatly inspired me. I realize that that I don't need to engineer the next-world-changing material to change the world. I can start small. I can start with making finger sling* out of polyester string and ź" plastic tube, with constructing business show stands cheaply with Gaylord boxes (seriously, who came up with this name?), and with building personal gym using 3 liter soda bottles and sand.

However as I grow older, my ambition grow. Now I dream of studying in MIT so one day I can make a greater impact in the world.
linting2012   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Passion for travel; Yale Supp/ Something you'd like to say more [15]

I read both of your essays. I liked the second one (the one about your grandma) much more than this one, because the writing is really creative and very emotional. However I think this essay (the one about Italy) talked more about yourself. So here I am, in a dilemma unable to recommend which one for you to submit.
linting2012   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / "Bullying" ; MIT World Prompt/ world you come from [14]

@ Brazilian 01. I changed the prompt to this

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

do you still think that it doesn't tell much about me?

Thank you very much for the comment
linting2012   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / "Bullying" ; MIT World Prompt/ world you come from [14]

Hi Guys, I wrote the essay again. However I wrote it for a different prompt. What do you guys think?

Tell us about the most significant challenge you've faced or something important that didn't go according to plan. How did you manage the situation?(*) (200-250 words)

It was my first day at my new school in El Salvador. The weather was bright and sunny until someone called me "Chino Culero". I greeted him with a smile and said "Hola (hello)", but suddenly the whole class burst in laughter, little did I know that "Chino Culero" means "Gay Chinese" in Spanish.

Being bullied was never fun; I had to endure the loneliness and the belittling laughter, however it taught me many things. From their scorn and their cold uncaring eye, I understood the pain of the victim. From the loneliness and the isolation, I understood the importance of friendship and family. From their criticism and their nicknames, I discovered my weakness: They laughed at me for being a "Tenguereche Tierna" (weak lizard), so I start doing push-ups every day, they make fun of my basic knowledge of Salvadorian slangs/swearwords, so I spent my nighttime learning the meaning of "Chivo" (cool) and "Gringo" (Americans), and they criticize my Asian heritage, so I make them realize the awesomeness of my lightning Asian mental mathematics calculation. I was like a muscle; every time I was broken down I rebuild myself to be stronger and better.

However I did all these not for the bullies' approval, but to improve myself. I realized that the bullies were right, I was weak and feeble, my knowledge of the slangs was minimum, and my Asian heritage was different to them. However, thanks to them, now I can do more than 50 push-ups in a single set and use the Salvadorian slang as masterfully as the locals, and also I made them realize that being an Asian is actually pretty cool.
linting2012   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Producing props for drama! Common App- Extracurricular activities [3]

Shoko, thank you so much for helping my essay, so here I am to help yours too.

However I don't think I can help much, this essay is great. For me, you don't come across as a perfectionist at all. I feel more of your passion towards creating the props.

Good luck
linting2012   
Dec 18, 2012
Undergraduate / That was the day of the grand Egyptian revolution / Common App: National Concern [9]

I think it is on topic because you are talking about the importance of the recent even surrounding Egypt to you, which answers the prompt. However since this is an admission essay I would suggest you put in more stuff that will reveal your character to the admission office
linting2012   
Dec 18, 2012
Undergraduate / My Love For puzzles, MIT Personality Essay - Feedback [5]

What attribute of your personality are you most proud of, and how has it impacted your life so far? This could be your creativity, effective leadership, sense of humor, integrity, or anything else you'd like to tell us about. (*) (200-250 words)

Frantically unwrapping my Christmas gift, I saw the box of the newest LONPOS pyramid puzzle. "Yes!" I shouted out of joy and immediately spent hours trying to solve the complex puzzles and filling in the solution booklet.

My love for puzzles had taught me many things. It taught me it is okay to give up for the day. As I am a human and more often than not, frustration will get me. However, tomorrow morning, I have to make sure to pick up the puzzle I threw away from frustration and continue solving it, because no puzzle is ever solved by giving up. My perseverance let me solved MĂŠnage Problem, whose closed form solution eluded mathematicians for over 40 years, using Graph Theory

It taught me to challenge myself, because there is no bigger satisfaction than solving problem I couldn't solve. This desire for challenges let me took on the hardest IB classes the school has to offer: Math HL, Physics HL, and Chemistry HL.

It also taught me to collaborate; sometimes puzzles are just too hard for one person's brain to handle. This let me form the C3L6 chemistry challenge group, where group members enter Skype chat until long past midnight solving the demanding chemistry problem every month.

Last of all it makes me fall in love with science and engineering, because, after all science and engineering are just bigger and harder puzzles waiting to be solved.

Puzzles had impacted me in many ways, however its most important lesson to me is this: have fun.

Hey guys thank you all so much for helping my previous essays, please look at this one too
linting2012   
Dec 16, 2012
Undergraduate / Villanova Supplement- The Country/ Lesson you want to share with others [3]

South Philly if I tried.

Even if I tried?

One can imagine my reaction when my parents told me we were moving to Hopewell, Virginia.

Its kind of weird here. How about "when my parents told me that we were moving...,"

I love the essay. I think the message is great. Good Luck in your University
linting2012   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / William and Mary Supplement Essay- Why I Don't Believe In Punching Pillows [5]

This is an amazing essay. You were able to explore the essence of sympathy and show it through your writing.
However I think the following may be modified this way:

The door does everything in his power to resist that wind and ensure that his owners are safe and sound.

For possible parallel structure add "to" before "ensure"

I feel your pain door, I feel it.

A little bit confusing here, it sound like you are feeling someone's "pain door".

That story was just one example

Probably one of the examples?

That story was just one example of how I can become oddly sentimental towards inanimate objects at times due to the fact that I believe that everything has a soul.

A little long, maybe break it down?

if this is what it looks like.

The "it" here is not clearly defined. Probably substitute it with "essay"

This is just a belief I realize that I have had since I was a child that has allowed me to see life in a very interesting perspective.

Extremely awkward but I don't know how to modify it.

animal for a best friend.

I think "as a best friend" is a better idiomatic expression (I am no gringo so I am not sure)

Sorry its late at night I might revise it more tomorrow morning when I wake up. Please help check my essays too.

Good Luck

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