Undergraduate / Career goals, efforts, and diversity [4]

You write nicely and your presentation is good. I like the way you have shown your love for learning new languages. But the prompt asks you how you have prepared yourself for your career. I can understand the connection you are showing between languages and being a doctor. But perhaps you should add more on the other stuff needed to be a doctor. Without them the language part sounds irrelevant. :/

Writing Feedback / iIelts essay;government should expand the road or car owners [4]


This sentence is not clear. better to rephrase it. :)


This sentence is too long and is very confusing. I think you need to work on your grammar and presentation. Without grammar and proper presentation the essay will fall apart.

Essays / Contrast the way young people today handle their money with their parents. [7]


There are many differences between young people and their parents when it comes to handling money. Or
The manner in which young people handle money is quite different to the way their parents do.


First of all, most parents are employed in the traditional work field, such as farming...


In addition, the salary of a parent is quite low compared to what young people earn.

Writing Feedback / Advantages of living in a big city; Jobs and Entertainment [6]

Many people like spending their free time in these facilities because it helps them to relax and bring them a lot of pleasure.

You bring a good point here but i don't think it's presented properly. Try rephrasing it. :)

In brief, it is generally believed that it is better for children to be brought up in the city not only because can it socialize them, but also because they can receive better education and have a better chance to get a suitable job.

Well I'm not really sure whether I can agree with you. Because it actually might be healthier to live in the countryside because the cities are polluted.

Writing Feedback / Science VS Religion - what is best for the people? [14]

no no it's just something I wrote for fun. It is an issue in the world that simply caught my eye. :) I'm neither really interested in science or religion that much. Bit of a free thinker. ;)

Writing Feedback / Global Concern over Global warming & Climate change [5]

Hmm yeah it does sound better but I think it's best to stick with just simply saying awareness of global warming would help man tackle it better. Or you must show how the lack of awareness leads to global warming. :)

Hope you figure it out. :)

Writing Feedback / We create our own happiness; What Makes me Happy [3]


Ummm.. This might just be me but this sentence sounds odd to me. Try rephrasing it.


Happiness is the only remedy for depression.

Lord Buddha once said "Happiness is the greatest wealth for man." Try including that in the essay.

Writing Feedback / past has value or no value? [5]


I don't quite understand what you mean by "brings up our soul". But that might just be me. :)

Without a past , there could not have been a present because it provided us with all the knowledge and information that brought us to the present

Try working on your grammar and read more essays. :)

Writing Feedback / Intentional tourism can promotes people to understand and respect other cultures [13]


There is something odd about this sentence. Try rephrasing it. :)


I do not agree with this opinion and I am strongly believe that tourism will help individuals learn and understand other cultures better.


If people are unaware of certain culture differences, it may make others feel uncomfortable or misunderstand the intention behind it.

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing- The student behavior problem causes and solutions [6]

This is a good essay. You have presented your argument properly and have constructed it well. :)

Maybe you could add a little bit more by talking about the recent student killings. And how easy it is for them to get addicted to stuff like drugs.

Writing Feedback / Global Concern over Global warming & Climate change [5]


Heat rays from the sun is what keeps the Earth warm. But if these heat rays get trapped in the atmosphere, they would cause the temperature to rise. Green house gases such as Carbon Dioxide, Methane, and Nitrous Oxide traps these heat rays and prevent them from returning to space. This results in global warming.


Another reason for global warming is the excessive emission of Carbon Dioxide to the atmosphere. Burning of fossil fuels is the main source of Carbon Dioxide emission.


I think you should present this idea in another way.

You have some very good points. :)

Undergraduate / I'm fairly clumsy; Letter to a Future Roommate for Stanford [4]

I like your letter. And I'm sure your roommate would be very interested in being.. uhhh.. well roommates with you. :P

Maybe you could cut down a little bit of the bacteria talk.

But it's still a good letter. :)

Undergraduate / May 24, 2012, my whole life changed; My Personal Statement [2]


but I knew I wanted to do something. It was a thirst that needed to be quenched.


I think you can cut off the "who I am today" part here.

You present your emotions well in the essay but I some parts are a little confusing.

Writing Feedback / IELTS essay : criminal who send to prison would commit crimes when set free [15]


They even suggest that these criminals should be dealt with the capital punishment

You have good writing skills but there is an issue with clarity. There are some parts I don not understand.

Undergraduate / was running for the president : EXPERIENCE-IMPACT ESSAY [3]

Is this something you really did? If so I would have taken off my hat if I was wearing one. ;) Very clever indeed.

I like the way you present your emotions. The essay sounds a bit like a conversation though. But it's still nicely done. :)

Undergraduate / I signed with Intellect Club; extracurricular activitieswork [4]


Remember that all the days of the week should actually start with a capital letter. Same goes for months.

I think it would be a good idea to tell the reader something that happened in one of those meetings that made you so interested in it.

Undergraduate / Mariam's Changes - change is a force that goes beyond our reach and is inevitable [2]


People may try to escape from it, but as hard as it is, change is a force that goes beyond our reach and is inevitable.


No matter what the circumstance is, a person will change their attitude, preferences and how they think about others and themselves.


I think the "occurred in her life" part is irrelevant.

Writing Feedback / I ate the candy eleven years ago but the bitterness and sweetness of life remains! [7]


The wind was bristling and roaring as I tucked my face back into my scarf and snuggled in order to prevent my cheeks turning red.

I think it would be easier and better had you written this in the past tense.

Undergraduate / "Tao Kae Noi!" they called me; WORLD I CAME FROM ESSAY [4]


My curiosity towards trucks was generated due to the familiar sight of my dad working with them.

I like your essay. You have presented your world well in the essay. It has a nice flow. And it is also well constructed. Well done. :)

Undergraduate / Diversity is not only race, ethnicity and gender / Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 [2]


... Good point.
Most people believe that diversity is all about race, religion and gender.


For me, diversity is one of the most important aspects of one's personal growth.

I like your essay. You present your arguments well. :)

Writing Feedback / (Ielts practicing) - It is common to leave home countries to study at universities abroad [6]


The number of students studying abroad has risen significantly in the past few years.


... This sentence is too long. Try to break it down.
Many big companies in Vietnam requires a foreign bachelor degree from their employees. This is due to the belief that the foreign educated students are more experienced than others.

You have good points. This is a good essay. :)

Writing Feedback / Without friends we can hardly survive [3]


Humans live in groups.

This is a very debatable topic. I don't think you can call somebody your friend if he/she is not there for you when your in need, but then again I don't think that you would be friends in the first place if you don't have fun together. Therefore I believe a friend should be a mix of both.

Writing Feedback / (IELTS essay) International tourism creates tensions in the host country [9]


Crafty sentence because you have said "if not well handled". :)

You have some very good points for your essay. And it is very nicely constructed.
Nice ending too. Well done. :)

Undergraduate / Surrounded by spices - Looking through the window ;Williams College [12]

Ah that's good to hear. :D

It would be a shame to cut down on your essay. But do be careful. Better safe than sorry right?? :)

Writing Feedback / Using mobile phone while driving should be banned [6]


....Good point. It catches the reader's eye.


Since you have said "cause" you will have to use the present tense.
Cell phones cause distraction and horrible accidents which even lead to death.

You have presented some very good facts that catches the reader's eye. Well done. :)

Undergraduate / Surrounded by spices - Looking through the window ;Williams College [12]

Your essay is very good. You have brought out your emotions really nicely. It is nicely constructed and very clear as well. But you are over the word limit which is a real shame because this is such a nice essay as it is. :/

Writing Feedback / Potential promblems that people face while Living Abroad; IELTS exam essays [8]


Some of them migrate to other countries, while others visit their relatives and acquaintances. The rest simply travel to experience the world.


Unfortunately most travelers have problems with the "culture shock" involved with travelling overseas.

You have some good points but I feel as if you need more detail.You need to express more on what to do about the culture shock.

Writing Feedback / I have some true friends! ; My memorable experience(s)" [4]

Ahhhhh now I understand what you meant. hehe.
Hmmm why not try to say it like this.

We decided to go in 2 separate groups. One group took the stairs and the other group waited for the elevator with the old couple. But unfortunately we did not realize that the elevator and the stairs lead to 2 different exits. The worst part was that no one had a mobile and so we didn't have any way of communicating with each other.

I hope this sounds better to you. :)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Do you prefer to use the telephone or email? [8]

Oh shoot. I'm sorry about that. Cut the first "is more" part. I have typed that by mistake.


He was angry not because I wanted to quit the job, but because I had resigned by an email.


Angry person??? I think it is better if you rephrase that. :)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Do you prefer to use the telephone or email? [8]


Although I admit that sending an email seems more convenient than making a call,


There are three reasons for me to prefer the telephone over emails.


Firstly it is much more time saving. Secondly is more it is more effective and thirdly, it is a btter way to express my feelings.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Beijing example; Petrol price rising vs traffic and pollution [3]


It is a fact that traffic and pollution has become the major problem to modern cities.


Some believed that the increase in number of motor vehicles every year was the cause to this problem. They also believed that the best way to solve it was to increase the price of fuel.

Scholarship / Motivation Letter for the EPIC program; Scholarship Essay [3]

I agree. I didn't quite understand it either. I think it would be best if you rephrase it. :)

I think the rest of the letter is good. Everything you say is clear and very nicely constructed. Good luck. :)

Writing Feedback / I have some true friends! ; My memorable experience(s)" [4]


This sentence sounds a little odd. Let me help you.
I have few friends in my life, but they are true friends.


We met an old couple while travelling on the train. They could speak Thai and since they were going to the same place as us, they decided to join us.


... This sentence is too long. Try to break it down.
We decided to go in 2 separate groups. One group took the stairs and the other group waited for the elevator with the old couple.

I dont quite understand the next bit. If the exits of the elevator and the stairs were the same how did you get lost???

Undergraduate / India- is synonymous to cultural diversity; MIT Essay - background and identity [4]


I think it's diversity you are looking for.. It would be better to use that instead of variety.


I don't think you need a "in" after "festivals" here.

Is the 1st essay within the word count??
I like the second essay very much. But try to keep things simple with small sentences. You have done a good job nevertheless. :)

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Some people prefer to eat at food stands or restaurants,other people prefer.. [8]

This is a good essay for a number of reasons. You have understood the question correctly and answered it well. You have used examples for all your reasons to cook at home. And the argument is well presented. Perhaps you can add just a little bit more detail to the last reason (cooking as your hobby). Overall it's a good essay. Well done. :)

Undergraduate / I take pride in the insight I have gained from experiencing how other people live. [3]


As I got to know some locals, who had much less than i did, and yet so content with their lives. I grew a greater appreciation for life because of them.


.... Strong sentence.

I liked your essay. Very neat and tidy. Nicely constructed as well. And most importantly it was enjoyable to read it. Well done. :)

Writing Feedback / Theoretical knowledge or practical skill. [3]


Hmmm.. The sentence is a little too long. Try to break it down.
Firstly, many school graduates find themselves unable to do practical work or to solve practical problems at work. This has caused the number of unemployed graduate students to rise since the university too offers a theoretical education rather than a practical one.

I like your examples. Try to find more and I think you will need a bit more detail for the ones you already have. Oh by the way your introduction is great as Dumi said. :)

Undergraduate / I've always desired of venturing off into the large cities: NYU Supplement [6]


I agree. It gets confusing when that happens. You have answered the question accurately.


I felt as if the sentence was a little too long. Would be better to break it down I think.

Writing Feedback / Beubg Friendly and considerate ; characteristics of good neighbors [3]


This sentence doesn't sound very good. Try this.
Since the stone age, man has always lived in groups.


This sentence has several grammar errors.
In the past, an entire family would live in one big house. In the modern world however, families no longer live in the same house. They have separate houses and yet mange to live near each other.

I can see a lot of grammar mistakes. Please pay attention to grammar.

Undergraduate / Engineering is my passion ESSAY(myself); I am desperate to prove myself to the world [3]


I turned eighteen a few months back.


Businessman is one word.


She is a a great mother and has directed me to success throughout my life.


I think taught would be a better word here instead of guide.


It is my fortune to have such a great family and I am thankful to god for this blessing.

The topic is Engineering is my passion right? But then all your about family would be irrelevant. Focus on the topic a bit more.