Undergraduate / "We do not stay in one place": UPenn/All mankind is divided into three classes [5]

Ben Franklin once said, 'All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.'
Which are you? (300-500 words)

I move with a clear purpose towards the goal that I must accomplish, whether it be tackling a difficult flute excerpt or reaching the highest score on Temple Run. The class of people to which I belong , of those who move, is characterized by a certain initiative and motivation that separates us from those that are immovable or merely movable. We do not stay in one place, content with our lot, nor do we wait for some outside impetus.

When I come to a decision or realization, I put my plan immediately into action. For example, I moved to create an orchestra that would convey joy through music after a small yet significant experience at a homeless shelter. I had never really confronted the reality of poverty or homelessness until I visited this shelter; oranges had not seemed like a luxury to me until a little girl mistakenly bit into the fruit, whole. The delight that illuminated her face after her first taste of an orange, though, will forever stay imprinted on my mind. I realized then that I want to continue bringing light to the dark lives of people like this child.

The first step that I took then was to gather young people with musical talents into a volunteer orchestra that would perform at nursing homes, hospitals, homeless shelters, or anywhere with people that could benefit from our music. I did not wait for anyone to tell me what to do nor did I sit thinking and not acting. Because of my determined movement, I have created an orchestra that has moved others emotionally through our music. The proudest result of my actions is the $4000 that we raised last year to donate to children in North Korea and to fight tuberculosis.

As I move into the future, I plan to go into public health and create affordable, more accessible medical aid for those who most need it. These are people who have the potential to move but simply do not have the means to take action. I am going to use my ability to move in order to help these people achieve their own dreams, starting with the field of public health.

Any flow/grammar issues? Did I answer the question? Thanks!

Undergraduate / H.G. Wells, in The Time Machine; Princeton Supp/ favorite quotation [5]

Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title, and author at the beginning of your essay:

H.G. Wells, in The Time Machine, writes that "nature never appeals to intelligence until habit and instinct are useless. There is no intelligence where there is no need of change." Perhaps that is why our world is overflowing with intelligent, bright, creative individuals today. We are so in need of change if we are to avoid a future like that in H.G. Well's novel. I realized this truth for myself during my freshman year when I visited a women and children's homeless shelter.

The children were extremely excited to see us. My service group was handing out gifts, but I was drawn to one child with wide, doe-like eyes. Her reaction to the orange I held out as a greeting was strange. She gingerly picked up the orange from my hand, carefully inspected it, and then suddenly sank her teeth right in. Taken aback, I gently taught the child how to peel the orange. In the present, I think back to this incident and wonder that society has come to the point where a child cannot even experience the simple joys of an orange. That day I had personally witnessed the very signs of class disparity that H.G. Wells critiques in The Time Machine.

Though it may seem unlikely for the world to develop one rich, comfortable class that makes the lower working class serve its every need, there are precursors today that should be taken as warning. Just as the Morlocks are nearly invisible in the dystopian future, the lower class of today is difficult to notice. I had never really come face to face with the reality of poverty or homelessness until I visited the homeless shelter. Oranges had not seemed like a luxury to me until the little girl mistakenly bit into the fruit, whole. The joy that illuminated her face after her first taste of an orange will forever stay imprinted on my mind. I realized then that I want to continue bringing light to the dark lives of people like this child.

Now that there is a need for change, my intelligence has come fully to life. I have a newfound ambition, a driving force, in me that animates my life. As I begin with these small but significant deeds of giving joy, I hope to become a person who can help change the course that our world is headed. I know that with the aid of other intelligent minds all over the world, we can come up with a better alternative to the future of which H.G. Wells warns us.

Please tell me if this sounds like a book report or if I effectively integrated the quote/novel with my experience.
How do I come across as after reading this?
Thank you~

Undergraduate / KPOP; Struggle with Culture/ (College app essay) [7]

Does this seen to be an essay on the effects that music can have or a struggle with culture? And is this topic even appropriate to send to a college? Thank you~

Of all the things that could bring a child and her parents together, Kpop (Korean pop music) is the last thing on anyone's mind. I admit, this may seem like a shallow genre of music grounded in popular culture, but Kpop has opened my eyes to a world I'd thought I'd never understand.

Having been born and raised in America, there have always been strong differences in the way that I think and the way my Korean-born parents think. The cultural differences always confused and irked me. I longed, however, to be able to relate to my parents and enjoy something with my whole family. Kpop, then, became my link to the Korean world and thus the key to my parents' hearts.

My perspective of Kpop changed in my sophomore year when one day I was singing one of my favorite singers' new releases. This singer, BoA, had remade a renowned Korean oldie- and it apparently used to be my mom's favorite song. Imagine the surprise on my face when I heard my mom humming along. Delighted at this rare harmony with my mother, I avidly searched for other famous songs from the 70's and 80's to find that, hey, they weren't so bad. My mother and I then proceeded to listen to these tracks; while she reminisced, I listened and marveled at the bonds that music can form so instantly. I had been so frustrated with the cultural barriers that had been so difficult to overcome between me and my parents, and yet just one song had battered them down.

After that instant, the connections that Kpop helped make between me and my parents became more and more numerous. My Korean improved so dramatically that my parents began to worry that I'd forget how to speak English; still, I could now converse freely with them. While discussing Psy's "Oppa Gangam Style," I learned that Gangnam is a rich, Beverly Hills-like neighborhood in Korea that Psy satirizes in his song. Such insights into Korean culture that Kpop has brought me have made me grateful to Kpop for opening the gates to my parents' and my heritage.

I feel like the essay is iffy to use for a prompt on the impact of culture but also not quite right for a prompt on when my perspective changed. Maybe it's just because I'm trying to fit an essay to multiple prompts instead of writing new ones haha.

Undergraduate / 'The unity of music' - What matters to you and why? Stanford [4]

Ok so basically I tried to write about teamwork but this sounds more like I'm talking about music, and I'm not sure which way I should go , because I really like the bit about music but really I value teamwork:

The unity of making music with an ensemble is the greatest joy of playing flute. Together, we paint pictures of the Grand Canyon, evoke sounds of the great Moldau river, or celebrate with a Festive Overture. Band has taught me the valuable lesson of teamwork ever since I joined in the 4th grade. We must learn our parts and listen to each other, all while watching the conductor. When the sound of my flute interweaves with the rest of the band to create ringing harmonies, I almost shiver with delight. The fact that I am part of the creation of such beautiful sounds captivates me.

I wouldn't be able to enjoy the pleasure of music without my fellow musicians, whom I've relished meeting and working with towards the common goal of a perfected piece. These are friends that I will cherish throughout my life and that I could have only met in band. The bonds of teamwork that are created through such groups like band matter to me the most in this world. Science Olympiad, Green School, all these activities depend on teamwork. Each member is given a responsibility and must trust the others to do their own. I love that we depend on each other and grow closer as a team. I value teamwork above all because the members will always back me up, whether we succeed or not.

Thank you!

Undergraduate / Simplest things are often the Catalysts of Development;Intellectual Vitality-Stanford [4]

Here is the prompt: "Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development."

The simplest things are often the catalysts of even greater developments. I never would have thought that a mere orange could have such a great impact on me, but what follows is an account of an eye-opening experience that starts with just that one fruit.

I faithfully attend Friday youth group service every week and join in the community service activities. In my freshman year one week, our youth group visited a women's homeless shelter. The children were extremely excited to see us, but one child stuck out with wide, doe-like eyes that tugged me in her direction. As I approached her, I held out an orange as a greeting. Her reaction to this seemingly simple fruit at first confused me. She gingerly picked up the orange from my hand and carefully inspected it, and then suddenly, she sank her teeth right in. The girl had never eaten an orange before! Taken aback, I peeled the orange for that little girl. I later left that shelter with thoughts of this incident swirling around in my head. What was going on in this world that not all children were able to experience the simple joys of an orange? Whatever the reason, I felt a need to fix this problem. This heartbreakingly beautiful girl, because of unfortunate circumstances that were no fault of her own, would not be able to enjoy the comfort of a warm house, swaddled in comforters, the juices from an orange dripping down her chin. She spurred me then to be able to bring joy to those in seemingly hopeless circumstances.

I have a newfound ambition, a driving force, in me that now animates my life. I know now that I want to become a person who brings light to the dark lives of people like the child at the homeless shelter. Currently, I am channeling this energy into Hope Johns Creek youth orchestra, of which I am proud to be a founding member. Through the activities of this orchestra, I have been able to get a head start on my dream, as we have raised over $4000 to donate by giving performances. In the future, I hope to work at the Center for Disease Control or World Health Organization as a public health official and become a person who gives hope and wellness. With luck, I will also be able to pass my dream on to others.

Once again, I am over the character limit so if you see any areas to cut down on, much appreciated.
Also, I'm not even sure if I answered the prompt correctly so please let me know if I'm on topic~
Thanks!

Undergraduate / I'm fairly clumsy; Letter to a Future Roommate for Stanford [4]

This is the prompt: "Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. "

Dear roommate,
To help us get started off on the right foot, let me give you some quick tips about myself:
1. I'm fairly clumsy (somehow, though, I manage to coordinate my feet and arms in taekwondo). One of my favorite incidents that resulted from this ungainliness is when I ran around the living room yelling, "Nananananananana Batman!" and then tripped and fell headfirst onto the corner of a table. What a memory...

2. I'm quite curious. Naturally, I had to go to the emergency room after the Batman incident because the table corner had made astonishingly accurate contact with my face. Most kids, when they're rushed to the ER, are bawling and shrieking. I, though, remember waving my mom aside so I could see what was going on around me. I was a six year old child with blood gushing from my head, but instead of focusing on the pain, I wanted to see what the ER was like. Curiosity eclipsed any other thoughts.

3. I don't get easily discouraged. Though I underwent stitches precariously close to my eye after my unsuccessful attempt at being Batman, I quickly moved on to masquerading as Superman and attempted to soar from the top of the Empire State building (my stairs). Even today, I rarely give up on a task, whether it be tackling a difficult flute excerpt or reaching the highest score on Temple Run.

Now, as we're going to be rooming together, I hope you'll understand when I randomly trip or ask questions. Fortunately, I've now managed to channel my abundant curiosity and determination into the field of microbiology. I'm particularly interested in continuing my studies on spirochete bacteria because these microscopic entities have such significant roles in nature. They can both help us and harm us, either by acting as a primary food source or a cause of death.

Yes, I'm exceptionally curious- so much so that my desire to find answers will ultimately override frustrations along the way. I'm glad, though, to have found a niche where my questions can do more good than harm. Hopefully, my inquisitiveness will lead to the discovery of a new species of spirochete bacteria or another biological solution and not another trip to the ER. Only time and hard work will satisfy my own curiosity as to what the future holds.

As for the clumsiness, let's just hope that our room doesn't get too cluttered.

Looking forward to meeting you,
Nari

I'm about 350 characters over the limit, which is about 4 sentences, so if you see any areas where I could cut out stuff, much appreciated!

Also, please tell me your first impression (as in would you want to room with me based off of this). Thanks!