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Posts by nairbear68
Joined: Dec 15, 2012
Last Post: Dec 23, 2012
Threads: 6
Posts: 29  
Likes: 6
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 35
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nairbear68   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Dear future roommate- My day in a nutshell / Stanford [3]

your letter is very fun to read! this essay is in fact supposed to be the most informal one for stanford, so your bubbliness is fine :)

the only thing is, i think the salsa bit is a little too random and unrelated. i was confused why you fell asleep by salsa lol

if i try to change anything, it'll ruin the style of the essay, so just let it be!

please take a look at my upenn essay and tell me what you think if you have time :) thanks and good luck!
nairbear68   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / That night changed my perspective on myself; Common App/ Significant experience [3]

The issue that you and M talked about is too vague to have a great impact on the reader. I feel like I would be more impressed if I knew what the actual problem with M was. The reader needs more details, specifics to draw them into the story. Your ending is all good, maybe a little general. In all, a well written essay.

possible details to add: location of story (school? camp?), issue at hand

can you please take a look at my essay for upenn? thanks :)
nairbear68   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / Dear future college buddy - Stanford essay [4]

(the ones Columbus was looking for),

hilarious line! but it doesnt make any sense whatsoever that because youre indian you like mexican food...
also, i suggest deleting that "party time" line. though it's a letter to a roommate, its still the adcom that's reading it.

as for the ending, it doesn't really matter. what you have is fine, because it's just a letter. simply sign off with "regards, name"

and please help me with my upenn essay!
nairbear68   
Dec 23, 2012
Undergraduate / How my twin influenced me - personal statement [7]

i could not tell what the main focus of your essay was: your twinness, your experience at comso, or yourself?
plus, you last sentence says you had discovered your own voice but all I got was that you channeled your brother's obnoxiousness at that summer school.

my advice is that you choose one topic and make it clear what it is that you want to say about yourself.
as a personal statement, this essay is too weak and unfocused. it's well-written, but you need to rethink it.
(my comments may have been a bit harsh, but most people on EF seem to be asking for harsh comments, so I hope you don't mind!)

please take a look at my essay for upenn if you have time!
nairbear68   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / To be immovable, movable, or to move: [UPenn Essay] [3]

i just posted my own upenn essay and have been looking around at others, but your is by far the most insightful!
everyone else (including myself) seems to have chosen the "move" category, whereas you have been very creative with your answer.
you don't sound too formal btw. besides it's a formal answer to a formal question so a little detachedness is to be expected.

as for verbosity, your three body paragraphs seem to have a bit of repetition in them that could be cut out. also i heard you should never use rhetorical questions in a college essay so maybe you could cut those!

and yes please do read my upenn essay! thanks :)
nairbear68   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / Professor dad / U Penn Common APP/ Why U Penn? [2]

your last two paragraphs are great because they answer the prompt. however, your first sentence has nothing to do with "how you will engage academically at penn"

shorten your first paragraph so it's just an interesting hook and then get into the meat of the essay that actually answers the prompt

otherwise, very well-written aside from a few grammatical errors~

please let me know what you think of my own upenn essay!
nairbear68   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / What attribute of your personality are you most proud of...? MIT Essay [3]

your essay is bit vague with sentences that are too general (like your second to last sentence-> anyone could have said that)
you have an interesting hook with the youtube but then... yeah try to be more specific about yourself because i don't think you really answered the prompt

if you have time please take a look at my upenn essay!
nairbear68   
Dec 22, 2012
Undergraduate / "We do not stay in one place": UPenn/All mankind is divided into three classes [5]

Ben Franklin once said, 'All mankind is divided into three classes: those that are immovable, those that are movable, and those that move.'
Which are you? (300-500 words)

I move with a clear purpose towards the goal that I must accomplish, whether it be tackling a difficult flute excerpt or reaching the highest score on Temple Run. The class of people to which I belong , of those who move, is characterized by a certain initiative and motivation that separates us from those that are immovable or merely movable. We do not stay in one place, content with our lot, nor do we wait for some outside impetus.

When I come to a decision or realization, I put my plan immediately into action. For example, I moved to create an orchestra that would convey joy through music after a small yet significant experience at a homeless shelter. I had never really confronted the reality of poverty or homelessness until I visited this shelter; oranges had not seemed like a luxury to me until a little girl mistakenly bit into the fruit, whole. The delight that illuminated her face after her first taste of an orange, though, will forever stay imprinted on my mind. I realized then that I want to continue bringing light to the dark lives of people like this child.

The first step that I took then was to gather young people with musical talents into a volunteer orchestra that would perform at nursing homes, hospitals, homeless shelters, or anywhere with people that could benefit from our music. I did not wait for anyone to tell me what to do nor did I sit thinking and not acting. Because of my determined movement, I have created an orchestra that has moved others emotionally through our music. The proudest result of my actions is the $4000 that we raised last year to donate to children in North Korea and to fight tuberculosis.

As I move into the future, I plan to go into public health and create affordable, more accessible medical aid for those who most need it. These are people who have the potential to move but simply do not have the means to take action. I am going to use my ability to move in order to help these people achieve their own dreams, starting with the field of public health.

Any flow/grammar issues? Did I answer the question? Thanks!
nairbear68   
Dec 20, 2012
Undergraduate / Language Courses/ PennSID ; UPENN SUPP (How you engage academically at Penn?) [2]

If accepted in to UPenn

just say "at UPenn," it makes you sound more confident

what I really want to do in life: help the world and the members of its community, facilitating the relations between people

this way it's more direct
sounds great and like you're really passionate for upenn. it's good that you included something specific like the pennsid
nairbear68   
Dec 20, 2012
Undergraduate / I have always loved the arts and sciences; How Duke attracts you? [9]

wow, i'm also applying to duke! we have many things in common regarding apps lol

in wonderment

should be just "in wonder" or "awed"

Da Vinci, Michelangelo, Raphael, etc

For as long as I can remember

i have read other applicants to dukes' essays, and theirs were much longer. you might want to add another paragraph more about Duke bc that is actually what the prompt is asking you. i feel like i read a what are your interests essay instead of why duke essay.
nairbear68   
Dec 20, 2012
Undergraduate / Me Vs My sister; Stanford Supp/ Intellectual vitality [7]

way to negative! like the poster above said, be more upbeat about what you learned, not how behind you were.
try not to use the word never so much, the adcom will only feel your negativity
also stop comparing yourself to leisha near the end, only focus on how you've grown bc otherwise this sounds like an "i'm better than her now" essay

if you could take a look at my h.g. wells essay and tell me some places to cut down on , that'd be much appreciated!
nairbear68   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Desire to pursue a career in medicine; Johns Hopkins/ Common App [6]

SECME a science engineering club

if you don't want to use commas, just switch this around to "a science engineering club SECME". otherwise you need a comma after SECME. but i'm not even you need this sentence

I am a part of the National Honors Society, Environmental Club, and SECME a science engineering club.

because it sounds like you're just listing activities without telling what they have contributed to your interest in biology.
assistants. should be assistance, aware of the importance of science
scientific should be just science
elaboration on "some of the programs in medicine" at NYU is definitely needed. you need to sound like you really wanna go and have done your research/

thank you for taking a look at my princeton supplement! do you maybe wanna look at my kpop essay too? hehe
nairbear68   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Johns Hopkins Supplement #1 Chemistry or Biology?.... Wait, Biochemistry! [6]

hey i am in the same situation as you as my first choice also deferred me ^^ ah well, they didn't want us so who wants to go there, right?

wow your essay hooked me from the start because you mention the black market (i'm writing this as i read)
the "And" at the beginning of your second sentence is unnecessary.
try not to make yourself sound too dumb (which you're obviously not) when you talk about not understanding chem
why not add a little humor in your parenthetical with

(don't worry, I'm not referring to anabolic steroids)

no caps in a college essay, c'mon. and be more specific instead of saying ALL my passions, say exactly medicine and chem and bodybuilding

though the prompt doesn't ask for this, still add in how JHU will help you bc they actually want to hear your passion for the school

please take a look at mine if you have time! thanks and good luck :)
nairbear68   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / H.G. Wells, in The Time Machine; Princeton Supp/ favorite quotation [5]

Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a starting point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation, title, and author at the beginning of your essay:

H.G. Wells, in The Time Machine, writes that "nature never appeals to intelligence until habit and instinct are useless. There is no intelligence where there is no need of change." Perhaps that is why our world is overflowing with intelligent, bright, creative individuals today. We are so in need of change if we are to avoid a future like that in H.G. Well's novel. I realized this truth for myself during my freshman year when I visited a women and children's homeless shelter.

The children were extremely excited to see us. My service group was handing out gifts, but I was drawn to one child with wide, doe-like eyes. Her reaction to the orange I held out as a greeting was strange. She gingerly picked up the orange from my hand, carefully inspected it, and then suddenly sank her teeth right in. Taken aback, I gently taught the child how to peel the orange. In the present, I think back to this incident and wonder that society has come to the point where a child cannot even experience the simple joys of an orange. That day I had personally witnessed the very signs of class disparity that H.G. Wells critiques in The Time Machine.

Though it may seem unlikely for the world to develop one rich, comfortable class that makes the lower working class serve its every need, there are precursors today that should be taken as warning. Just as the Morlocks are nearly invisible in the dystopian future, the lower class of today is difficult to notice. I had never really come face to face with the reality of poverty or homelessness until I visited the homeless shelter. Oranges had not seemed like a luxury to me until the little girl mistakenly bit into the fruit, whole. The joy that illuminated her face after her first taste of an orange will forever stay imprinted on my mind. I realized then that I want to continue bringing light to the dark lives of people like this child.

Now that there is a need for change, my intelligence has come fully to life. I have a newfound ambition, a driving force, in me that animates my life. As I begin with these small but significant deeds of giving joy, I hope to become a person who can help change the course that our world is headed. I know that with the aid of other intelligent minds all over the world, we can come up with a better alternative to the future of which H.G. Wells warns us.

Please tell me if this sounds like a book report or if I effectively integrated the quote/novel with my experience.
How do I come across as after reading this?
Thank you~
nairbear68   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / At age seven, my world became one I feared; Stanford Supp/Intellectual Vitality [9]

I heard most people write about social issues for this essay, but I think you've chosen a much better topic.
What makes your essay really good is that you apply what you've learned from this experience to other parts of your life.
Just a little note, the common app does not like long dashes, they come out as weird symbols once you enter the text into the box and then preview as a pdf

please take a look at mine if you have time!
nairbear68   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Knowledge of Languages is precious; Common App Essay [2]

for the common app you basically upload you document so i'm pretty sure they can't check on your word count. i know because i uploaded and submitted an essay that was over by just a few words. you should be fine with 50 words.

you should have someone look over your grammatical mistakes as your first language is not english. there is some lack of flow in your essay for example:

To gain the knowledge of another language, whether of computers and binary information or a spoken one is a very precious skill.

sounds weird and i had to re-read several times because i thought you were saying that computers and binary info were two different languages. also there should be a comma after "a spoken one" since you are finishing your sentence with the verb phrase.

please take a look at my kpop essay if you have time :)
nairbear68   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / Curiosity; Stanford Supp/ Intellectual vitality [4]

The vivaciousness of

do you mean vivacity :)

the essay fits ok with the prompt because it's talking about how you learned something new and how your interest in science was reinvigorated.

it provides a good look into your interests and qualities, but i feel like you almost are writing an essay about an influential person (that doesn't really matter though because Dr. Crenshaw conributed to your intellectual vitality i guess).

She spoke ardently of her graduate work on Sickle-cell anemia, a disease that had claimed the life of her childhood friend and mused her ever since. Her passion was contagious, and it certainly affected me.

maybe you could take out the blue part because it doesn't have anything meaningful about you. and then comine those two sentences: "... work on sickle cell anemia, and her passion was contagious." or "...and her passion certainly affected me."

please take a look at my kpop essay if you have time!
nairbear68   
Dec 19, 2012
Undergraduate / KPOP; Struggle with Culture/ (College app essay) [7]

Does this seen to be an essay on the effects that music can have or a struggle with culture? And is this topic even appropriate to send to a college? Thank you~

Of all the things that could bring a child and her parents together, Kpop (Korean pop music) is the last thing on anyone's mind. I admit, this may seem like a shallow genre of music grounded in popular culture, but Kpop has opened my eyes to a world I'd thought I'd never understand.

Having been born and raised in America, there have always been strong differences in the way that I think and the way my Korean-born parents think. The cultural differences always confused and irked me. I longed, however, to be able to relate to my parents and enjoy something with my whole family. Kpop, then, became my link to the Korean world and thus the key to my parents' hearts.

My perspective of Kpop changed in my sophomore year when one day I was singing one of my favorite singers' new releases. This singer, BoA, had remade a renowned Korean oldie- and it apparently used to be my mom's favorite song. Imagine the surprise on my face when I heard my mom humming along. Delighted at this rare harmony with my mother, I avidly searched for other famous songs from the 70's and 80's to find that, hey, they weren't so bad. My mother and I then proceeded to listen to these tracks; while she reminisced, I listened and marveled at the bonds that music can form so instantly. I had been so frustrated with the cultural barriers that had been so difficult to overcome between me and my parents, and yet just one song had battered them down.

After that instant, the connections that Kpop helped make between me and my parents became more and more numerous. My Korean improved so dramatically that my parents began to worry that I'd forget how to speak English; still, I could now converse freely with them. While discussing Psy's "Oppa Gangam Style," I learned that Gangnam is a rich, Beverly Hills-like neighborhood in Korea that Psy satirizes in his song. Such insights into Korean culture that Kpop has brought me have made me grateful to Kpop for opening the gates to my parents' and my heritage.

I feel like the essay is iffy to use for a prompt on the impact of culture but also not quite right for a prompt on when my perspective changed. Maybe it's just because I'm trying to fit an essay to multiple prompts instead of writing new ones haha.
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / I had worked in a physician's office since I graduated high school / Common App. [2]

I think it would be more interesting if you described a specific experience and then elaborated on the effect this work has had. It will make for a better hook and will show the ac more than tell. Basically, describe a certain, specific challenge that you faced and let the committee feel what you were feeling and then how you overcame that :)

Please take a look at my what matters to you essay for stanford if you have time!
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Christianity and alcohol' - Brave New World - Columbia Supplement [3]

Try including the full prompt so advice can be more specific.
Your essay, judging from your thread title, is about what intrigues you?
It's well written, but you should talk more about yourself and less about the novel. I feel like I just read an analysis on Brave New World instead of learning about what intrigues you. Cut down on your novel stuff and put more you in :)

Check out my what matters to me essay if you have time please!
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / I have always been a good artist, well relatively; SOP for the SAIC [2]

Isn't that peculiar?

Someone else on EF told me rhetorical questions are a no no for college app essays.

and that producing magnificent art is way bigger than the frustration of accuracy.

"way bigger" is too juvenile a phrase, try for something else

Lots of people tell me I am

same for "lots of people"

your essay goes everywhere and I am sorry but I could not get myself to finish, which means the ac will not be able to either.

try to shorten the essay and make it more to the point and interesting~

if you could, please take a look at my what matters to you essay :)
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / 'The unity of music' - What matters to you and why? Stanford [4]

Ok so basically I tried to write about teamwork but this sounds more like I'm talking about music, and I'm not sure which way I should go , because I really like the bit about music but really I value teamwork:

The unity of making music with an ensemble is the greatest joy of playing flute. Together, we paint pictures of the Grand Canyon, evoke sounds of the great Moldau river, or celebrate with a Festive Overture. Band has taught me the valuable lesson of teamwork ever since I joined in the 4th grade. We must learn our parts and listen to each other, all while watching the conductor. When the sound of my flute interweaves with the rest of the band to create ringing harmonies, I almost shiver with delight. The fact that I am part of the creation of such beautiful sounds captivates me.

I wouldn't be able to enjoy the pleasure of music without my fellow musicians, whom I've relished meeting and working with towards the common goal of a perfected piece. These are friends that I will cherish throughout my life and that I could have only met in band. The bonds of teamwork that are created through such groups like band matter to me the most in this world. Science Olympiad, Green School, all these activities depend on teamwork. Each member is given a responsibility and must trust the others to do their own. I love that we depend on each other and grow closer as a team. I value teamwork above all because the members will always back me up, whether we succeed or not.

Thank you!
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / Simplest things are often the Catalysts of Development;Intellectual Vitality-Stanford [4]

ok so I changed it up a bit:
Every Friday, my youth group helps out around the community; one particular week, we visited a women and children's homeless shelter. The children were extremely excited to see us, but one child with wide, doe-like eyes stuck out. I drew near, holding out an orange - but her reaction was strange. She gingerly picked up the orange from my hand, carefully inspected it, and then suddenly sank her teeth right in. Taken aback, I gently taught the child how to peel the orange.

The simplest things are often the catalysts of even greater developments. Ever since then, I have wondered about the simple joys of an orange. I used to be unfocused because I was interested in everything, but after this incident, I have a newfound ambition, a driving force, in me now that animates my life. I strive to become a person who brings light to the dark lives of people like the child at the homeless shelter. Currently, I am channeling this energy into Hope Johns Creek youth orchestra, which has raised over $4000 to fight tuberculosis and aid North Korean children. Additionally, I help my school's National Honor Society chapter collaborate with Habitat for Humanity. As we help build homes, I envision the little girl and hope that one of these houses will someday shelter another such homeless child. In the future, I hope to work at the Center for Disease Control or World Health Organization as a public health official and become a person who gives hope and wellness. With luck, I will also be able to pass my dream on to others.

I'm still not sure if this shows "intellectual vitality" or if I should just write on a different topic. Originally, I had planned on using this essay as a sort-of "turning point" essay.
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / I'm fairly clumsy; Letter to a Future Roommate for Stanford [4]

thanks guys :)
i deleted

I'm particularly interested in continuing my studies on spirochete bacteria because these microscopic entities have such significant roles in nature. They can both help us and harm us, either by acting as a primary food source or a cause of death.

and i cut that sentence with nannaa batman, just 36 characters left!
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / Research, innovation, and creativity; Harvard/Yale/Princeton;Generic why Engineering? [9]

I asked my sister about the same sentence, and she agrees about the cringe factor. I think it's just that phrase in general. No matter which word you use, it'll be a bit unpleasant. However, I think that this unpleasantness works fine now that I've taken another look because you're saying that it's not as cut and dry like the movies.

Thanks for the great advice on my essay! I wish I could give you more, but really yours is already pretty good.
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / Research, innovation, and creativity; Harvard/Yale/Princeton;Generic why Engineering? [9]

I love your essay, it reveals many strong characteristics about you. In your conclusion, when you talk about the importance of knowing where the sciences come from, I am sure the admissions officer will be impressed at your level of maturity and foresight in taking those additional classes. My only problem, and it's probably just me, is when you use the word cut in the second sentence, I can't help but cringe at the image of just a knife sinking into the child, can you please make it more gentle. If not, the admissions officer probably won't be as affected as I am.

If you have time, please take a look at my intellectual vitality essay for stanford!
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / Simplest things are often the Catalysts of Development;Intellectual Vitality-Stanford [4]

Here is the prompt: "Stanford students possess an intellectual vitality. Reflect on an idea or experience that has been important to your intellectual development."

The simplest things are often the catalysts of even greater developments. I never would have thought that a mere orange could have such a great impact on me, but what follows is an account of an eye-opening experience that starts with just that one fruit.

I faithfully attend Friday youth group service every week and join in the community service activities. In my freshman year one week, our youth group visited a women's homeless shelter. The children were extremely excited to see us, but one child stuck out with wide, doe-like eyes that tugged me in her direction. As I approached her, I held out an orange as a greeting. Her reaction to this seemingly simple fruit at first confused me. She gingerly picked up the orange from my hand and carefully inspected it, and then suddenly, she sank her teeth right in. The girl had never eaten an orange before! Taken aback, I peeled the orange for that little girl. I later left that shelter with thoughts of this incident swirling around in my head. What was going on in this world that not all children were able to experience the simple joys of an orange? Whatever the reason, I felt a need to fix this problem. This heartbreakingly beautiful girl, because of unfortunate circumstances that were no fault of her own, would not be able to enjoy the comfort of a warm house, swaddled in comforters, the juices from an orange dripping down her chin. She spurred me then to be able to bring joy to those in seemingly hopeless circumstances.

I have a newfound ambition, a driving force, in me that now animates my life. I know now that I want to become a person who brings light to the dark lives of people like the child at the homeless shelter. Currently, I am channeling this energy into Hope Johns Creek youth orchestra, of which I am proud to be a founding member. Through the activities of this orchestra, I have been able to get a head start on my dream, as we have raised over $4000 to donate by giving performances. In the future, I hope to work at the Center for Disease Control or World Health Organization as a public health official and become a person who gives hope and wellness. With luck, I will also be able to pass my dream on to others.

Once again, I am over the character limit so if you see any areas to cut down on, much appreciated.
Also, I'm not even sure if I answered the prompt correctly so please let me know if I'm on topic~
Thanks!
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / I belong to the gallant men of the world who move; UPENN's suplemental essay [4]

Nicely done! Including that part about the innovative heating method is very good.

However, when an outsider enters the room and promises them a reward if they should clear the rubbish, the movable person rises up to the call. However, the immovable

try to use a different word than however, because you use it twice in a row

act by his or her own intuition.

do you mean initiative? the word intuition does not make much sense here
otherwise, very nice :)

please help me with my essay to if possible, it's the letter to a future roommate one~
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Scholarship / And I have carried that lesson with me everywhere since; National Merit Scholarship [4]

There are a few grammatical discrepancies that detract from the essay, such as "knelt on the ground," which should be "kneeling." Also try to keep your tenses consistent.

This influential person essay is good because it doesn't start with "this person has influenced me blah blah." Try to expand more on those last few sentences about how she has helped you and cut down on the story a bit, that would make it better.

I'd appreciate it if you would also look at my essay, it's the letter to a future roommate one :)
nairbear68   
Dec 15, 2012
Undergraduate / I'm fairly clumsy; Letter to a Future Roommate for Stanford [4]

This is the prompt: "Virtually all of Stanford's undergraduates live on campus. Write a note to your future roommate that reveals something about you or that will help your roommate - and us - know you better. "

Dear roommate,
To help us get started off on the right foot, let me give you some quick tips about myself:
1. I'm fairly clumsy (somehow, though, I manage to coordinate my feet and arms in taekwondo). One of my favorite incidents that resulted from this ungainliness is when I ran around the living room yelling, "Nananananananana Batman!" and then tripped and fell headfirst onto the corner of a table. What a memory...

2. I'm quite curious. Naturally, I had to go to the emergency room after the Batman incident because the table corner had made astonishingly accurate contact with my face. Most kids, when they're rushed to the ER, are bawling and shrieking. I, though, remember waving my mom aside so I could see what was going on around me. I was a six year old child with blood gushing from my head, but instead of focusing on the pain, I wanted to see what the ER was like. Curiosity eclipsed any other thoughts.

3. I don't get easily discouraged. Though I underwent stitches precariously close to my eye after my unsuccessful attempt at being Batman, I quickly moved on to masquerading as Superman and attempted to soar from the top of the Empire State building (my stairs). Even today, I rarely give up on a task, whether it be tackling a difficult flute excerpt or reaching the highest score on Temple Run.

Now, as we're going to be rooming together, I hope you'll understand when I randomly trip or ask questions. Fortunately, I've now managed to channel my abundant curiosity and determination into the field of microbiology. I'm particularly interested in continuing my studies on spirochete bacteria because these microscopic entities have such significant roles in nature. They can both help us and harm us, either by acting as a primary food source or a cause of death.

Yes, I'm exceptionally curious- so much so that my desire to find answers will ultimately override frustrations along the way. I'm glad, though, to have found a niche where my questions can do more good than harm. Hopefully, my inquisitiveness will lead to the discovery of a new species of spirochete bacteria or another biological solution and not another trip to the ER. Only time and hard work will satisfy my own curiosity as to what the future holds.

As for the clumsiness, let's just hope that our room doesn't get too cluttered.

Looking forward to meeting you,
Nari

I'm about 350 characters over the limit, which is about 4 sentences, so if you see any areas where I could cut out stuff, much appreciated!

Also, please tell me your first impression (as in would you want to room with me based off of this). Thanks!
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