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Posts by ticklelisaelmo
Joined: Dec 30, 2012
Last Post: Jan 1, 2013
Threads: 8
Posts: 42  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 50 / page 1 of 2
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ticklelisaelmo   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / west meets south; Common app - Experience [4]

At the end of the week, the kids from my group ended up teaching taught the non-Californians a few Chinese phrases - and in return, we were given a brief history of Southern football.

you mean taught right?
ticklelisaelmo   
Jan 1, 2013
Undergraduate / 'At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible' - The Alchemist [4]

"At that point in their lives, everything is clear and everything is possible... But, as time passes, a mysterious force begins to convince them that it will be impossible for them to realize their Personal Legend ... It's a force that appears to be negative, but actually shows you how to realize your personal legend" (Coelho 21). In The Alchemist, Santiago goes through a long journey to achieve his personal legend - to find the treasure in his recurring dream. His dream did not guarantee that he would find the treasure and his journey presented much uncertainty that he would. However, this "mysterious force" helped him realize that he wanted to achieve this dream. It did not matter that he got robbed, had to work for a crystal merchant or was held captive by warriors because he realized his personal legend. After reading this book, I recognized the importance that obstacles play in achieving goals. Those obstacles help us realize how much we want to succeed rather than how difficult it would be to. Being the first person in my family to go to college, facing difficulties is inevitable. I am uncertain of how much I can achieve, but I am determined to follow my personal legend. Sometimes it may seem as if I have no sense of guidance as to how to succeed in college; but, this is the "force" that will actually drive me to success. This force will motivate me to further my education and become someone who will have the power to give back to my community.

Did I quote correctly??
Any help is truly appreciated!
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / My mother had breast cancer/ COMMON APP [11]

My mom battled with Cancer; Columbia supplement - which field and why?

Rough draft. Still need that spark, I feel. Help please?

See Below
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Near my home town/ Girl's liberal arts; Barnard /Good match? [4]

How did you first learn about Barnard College and what factors have influenced your decision to apply? Why do you think the College would be a good match for you?

I came across Barnard College when I was searching for colleges near my home town. When I found out that Barnard College was a women's liberal arts college, I was immediately intrigued. Having been in a co-ed school my entire life, I wonder what it would be like to attend an all women school. Being in a school that teaches women to be strong, aspiring and independent leaders is an opportunity that I am willing to take. Despite the fact that we live in the 21st century now, there are still doubts about women being successful leaders. However, with programs like Emerging Leaders Program (ELB) and Barnard Events Board (BEB), Barnard College can help me learn about becoming the best leader possible through different approaches - including event planning. The combination of exclusive women liberal arts education and leadership opportunities make me confident that Barnard is the perfect place to have my college education.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Most innovative; Columbia supplement- Appealing? [3]

Columbia University has proven to be one of the most innovative schools in the world. Being the birthplace of the FM radio and the laser, Columbia University emphasizes the importance of new ideas, discoveries and future. This school appeals to me through its success in enabling students to reach their full potential. By enabling its students to start conducting research as an undergraduate, Columbia can give me a unique undergraduate experience. As I look through the many achievements of Columbia students, I dream of becoming someone who is capable of doing the same. My goal of becoming an oncologist motivates me to one day make breakthroughs in science that will contribute to the cure of cancer. Although this may seem like a far-fetched dream, I don't plan on losing hope. With Columbia's award-winning faculty, I am confident that this is the place for my vision to transform into a reality. Columbia's involvement with the community is also another factor that I find appealing. For instance, the Health Education and Advocacy League (HEAL) of Columbia, which allows students to promote health awareness among middle-school students, is just one of the many examples of how Columbia participates in benefitting its community. In a school where I will be able to find the answer to my own inquiries, conduct my own research and spread my knowledge to benefit the society, I am sure that I will succeed as a student as well as an individual.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Perfect Score- (talent, quality) UC PROMPT 2 [5]

Honestly, i wouldn't talk about that. You're not really revealing yourself when you talk about others. Talk about yourself instead of critiquing others. Use a topic that can give a sense of who you are as an individual.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / Don Quixote; Columbia - Meaningful Book [8]

Really good essay. Just out of curiosity since I'm also applying to Columbia, how many books and publications did you list? Should we take full advantage of every space...
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / DONUT & Protecting people; Common App/ EXPERIENCE [9]

I love how you incorporated those superheroes and compared them to you. It makes the essay amusing. This is a good essay and really shows who YOU have become. Overall, I think it's a good essay :)

Read mine?
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / My mother had breast cancer/ COMMON APP [11]

I was only in the third grade when my mother discovered she had breast cancer. I did not understand what cancer meant, how my mother would be affected or how it could change me. As a young girl, I didn't realize the consequences of having cancer. As time passed and as my mother went through surgery and treatment, I was able to notice the changes in her appearance and her health. Some nights, she would sleep with me and we would have small talks. I remember her telling me that maybe one day she wouldn't be in my life anymore. I remember her asking me why she was chosen to have cancer. I remember her saying that she didn't feel like a real woman anymore.

What did she do to deserve this? Why did God have to put her through this obstacle? When would she get better? These were the questions that I asked myself over and over again. But eventually, I realized that having cancer was neither punishment nor fate. My mother having cancer was a lesson for my entire family. We learned that life is not about where we come from, how we look, or how much money we earn. Instead, life is about being grateful for everything we have, overcoming hurdles we face along the way and lending a hand to those in need.

Although I don't understand what it is like to be a cancer patient, I realize the hardships that they face. I learned that support from doctors, friends and family played an essential role to helping my mother overcome cancer. Hence, I was motivated to become someone who could help families that go through similar difficulties. When my mother had cancer, I realized that I had taken my health for granted. I told myself that I would learn to take care of myself as well as others. Nobody can avoid illness; however, we can take action to help those suffering from them.

I promised myself to be a person who could make a difference in someone's life when they experienced illness, self-doubt or hopelessness. In fact, her experience motivated me to become an oncologist. I realized that being able to instill positivity to people with cancer was a heroic act. Being able to save lives and prove that there is always hope for recovery through cancer has become my ambition. My mother's experience made me grateful for every oncologist who was able help their patients battle against cancer. It showed me that this is what I wanted to pursue in the future; I wanted to save people suffering from cancer just like the oncologist who saved my mother's life. I told myself that I would further my education and eventually become the oncologist that would take any cancer patient one step closer to victory; I told myself that I could create change for the better.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / NYU COM. APP-GLOBAL NETWORK/CAMPUS [7]

I wouldn't risk it. Of course, you can talk about the university somewhere else in the other supplement questions. :)
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 31, 2012
Undergraduate / I hear the samba music playing ; extracurricular activity [2]

Any thoughts or edits are appreciated!

I hear the samba music playing in the background as I start to warm up. Although it's been a stressful week, my worries are carried away by the loud music around me. As I dance, energy flows through me body and rids all the sluggishness I feel. My mindset is relaxed yet my body is lively. As I dance, nothing is going through my mind. All I hear is the music. All I think are the steps. All I feel is excitement. Every time I dance, I am carried away to another place - a place that does not revolve around stress, apprehension or fear. Instead, I am transported to a place where I am confident, carefree and elated. The atmosphere around me is charged and electric. Because this experience is temporary, I take full advantage of it. Regardless of how tired I am, the moment I start to dance is when I transform into the lighthearted dancer - the dancer who doesn't have to worry about anything because she is finally free.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / NYU COM. APP-GLOBAL NETWORK/CAMPUS [7]

Nice essays!
Since other people are telling me this, I'll tell you this too. for the second essay, talk about the uni. hmmm do you have enough characters?

I'm doing NYU also, Read mine?
:)
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Great city/ Wide range of studies/ College experience; WHY NYU? [19]

Thanks everyone for your suggestions. I notice a lot of it tells me to talk about the university. But, I'm having trouble with the limit. I don't want to cut back on the NYC part but I know I didn't talk too much about the university. If I mentioned the university programs and such in the other supplement questions, is that OK?
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / 'Capital of the World with potential interships' - WHY NYU ? [8]

For the revised version, I still think you should mention how it could help you as a student. Also you have 700 characters, not a lot. So take advantage of every single space you have!

Read mine? Also doing NYU! :)
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Bogota streets / Human body / Help through work - NYU supplements [4]

get rid of time and again for the second essay.Also i dont think it should be "your" perhaps its? or the?
the next essay, I think that you should just jump right into it. the little intro is unnecessary.

Overall, your answers to the essays are good. :)

Read mine, also applying to NYU! :)
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Studios/Lectures/Mentors/Visiting artists/Curators/ Critics;Northwestern/Art major? [3]

So far so good! I liked how you incorporated your knowledge about the school into your essay. You know what you're talking about! But sometimes, when you explain a program, I think you can talk about how that can benefit you instead of telling the reader what it is. I'm assuming the reader will know about the program already.

Read my essay? Thanks :)
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Counting down the days for my BIRTHDAY; UVA / Favorite WORD [3]

Good essay. However, maybe you should leave out the part about you NOT looking forward to your birthday. Kinda confuses the reader. But I really liked how you connected it to the idea of the future!

Read my essay?? Thanks!
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Oh, Love for Literature, Where Are Thou?; Common Application "Main Essay" [6]

Just a little mistake:
Sipping my coffee while flipping through the daily issue of The Washington Post, one title snatched my eyes' attention away from all others: "SAT Reading Scores Hit a Four-Decade Low".

The subject in this sentence is the title. But you actually mean you because the title isn't sipping the coffee. you are. Just change the subject to the intended subject of the sentence.

Good essay, but do you think that you are making everyone else sound ignorant besides you? I think perhaps you can change the tone a bit to make it sound less conceited, since that's not your intention.

Read my essay?
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / To me, science is a way of thinking, a passion, and so much more; NYU/ What program? [2]

To me, science is a way of thinking, a passion, and so much more.
Don't say so much more. Be specific. Just list one more thing. It'll make it sound smoother.

Of all the courses i have taken in high school, my favorite was chemistry;Learning about ... amused me. Therefore,i believe that the career i will pursue in college will be primarily chemistry based. I believe NYU would be the perfect school to pursue a career in the medical field given its world class education and facaulty.

State another reason why you think NYU is the perfect school... you kinda make it sound like the only reason why you wanna go is cuz of the name. list the programs that might beneift you.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / I became third in my state/ Poor roads; Colombia; Achievement/Past experiences [3]

We were at the end of my first competition I had in mathematics.
How about just saying first math competition? simple and short!

Using all my spare time, including after school hours and , to have extra math studies was something that seemed pointless to others but I saw the hope in it and stuck to it.

Though I had the lessons free most of the time, but I did have to pay to be taught on few occasions.

This is a run on sentence. make is short and simple.
Also don't make others sound like theyre lazy. instead, focus on how u stuck to it.
Also, do we really need to know if your lessons were free?

The examination was a three hour intensive college level mathematics exam that at first seemed challenging but with time I relaxed and answered the question with ease.

Another run on. Change it to two sentences.
ticklelisaelmo   
Dec 30, 2012
Undergraduate / Beautiful sounds of music; Common App - Extracurricular activity [7]

From the moment I was born, I was surrounded by the beautiful sounds of music emanating from my older brothers' musical instruments.
I think you should include what instruments since it could help create an image in the reader's mind.

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