Writing Feedback / I plan to retire when I am no longer in healthy ;Retirement / Answers 4 questions [5]

THE ESSAY PROMPT IS BROKEN UP INTO FOUR QUESTIONS:

1) What age do you plan to retire?
2) How much money do you think you will need to have saved prior to retiring?
3) What are some of the key decisions you will make in your life to ensure you can retire at the age you want?
4) What are some of the biggest mistakes people make that hinder their ability to live comfortably in retirement?

TO RETIRE - HERE IS MY ROUGH DRAFT:

I plan to retire when I am no longer in healthy condition to function or serve society. I predict that I will no longer function adequately and efficiently around the age of sixty five or above. Sixty five is a number that most Americans dream to get to because that is the age when they can retire and enjoy their lives with their spouse and loved ones. For others, sixty five can be a dreadful number. Some people love working and the thought of going a day- a lifetime without work, can be dreadful and scary. Admittedly, I too am afraid of going a day without working and serving society because I have so much that I want to accomplish and contribute in the fields of science and engineering. After graduating from high school I will attend the University of Nevada, Reno to obtain a master's degree in mechanical engineering. My time spent their will last a total of four years. For my doctorate's degree, I plan to attend either Stanford University or the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. By the time I complete my doctorate's degree I will be around the age of twenty nine or thirty years old. Most likely I will have a career by then and have the opportunity to start saving money for my retirement. To live an ideal and comfortable retirement, Benefit Consultant Aon Hewitt predicts that the average full career worker will need to have banked eleven times their annual salary (business.time.com). On average, mechanical engineers make $77,020 per year which, according to Aon Hewitt, means that I will need to have saved roughly $847,220 before retiring. I do not have a specific target number for my savings prior to retiring, however, I like Hewitt's projections and would feel comfortable saving at least $840,000. I am more pragmatic and believe that a comfortable retirement savings should be based on my lifestyle and spending patterns rather than my income.

Currently, I do not pay any bills or worry about living expenses such as bills, food, and clothing. In the future I will have to worry about living expenses and live within my means but as of now it's hard for me to determine what expenses and costs I will have to eliminate to meet my retirement target number. One thing that I am doing, however, is taking the proper steps to reach my career goals so that I can have a financially secure lifestyle after retirement. Pursuing an education is the single and most important step that I am taking right now to set myself up for a happy future and retirement. I am the first high school graduate in my family and living a life of poverty has motivated me to obtain a financially stable career. Coming from a family that has not valued an education, in part, has influenced me to attend college but more so is my own desire for a valuable education and secure source of income. In addition to pursuing a higher education, I am also seeking employment opportunities available at the University I will be attending to save money for graduate school. These small yet powerful steps I am taking at this chapter in my life will help me reach my ideal retirement age and savings. Some of the biggest mistakes people make prior to retiring are spending too much money and not knowing what they're going to do after retirement; this is especially true of professionals such as physicians and medical doctors who do not have time for hobbies or extracurricular activities. Another major mistake most people make prior to retiring is poor planning. Too often, people wait until a year before they retire to inquire their manager or financial supervisor about their retirement benefits and entitlements. I believe that a successful retirement plan should developed/considered five to ten years prior to retiring; this will enable the retiree to determine how much money he or she will have available for expenses, luxury, and bills. To avoid these common mistakes, I plan to switch from full-time to part-time employment and then decide whether or not retirement will be a healthy decision. If I do not meet my target number at 65, then I will postpone my retirement until I reach my desired savings and goals.

Undergraduate / May is the fifth month of the year; Why number five is important? [6]

Essay Prompt: May is the fifth month of the year. Write a letter to the number five explaining why five is important. Be serious or be funny. Either way, here's a high five to you for being original. (Maximum of 250 words allowed)

Five you are so important because you represent the five senses which include, sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch. Without you the World would be blind, tasteless, and defunct. The old saying two is better than one can be applied here in this context. The only difference is five is better than four, three, two, and one. Five is better than its four preceding numbers because; without sight we could not see the world around us, without hearing we could not listen to our leaders, without smell we could not detect a fire in our home, without taste we could not enjoy nutrition, and without touch we would not have the ability to comfort our loved ones with a hug or a kiss. You are a whole lot more than you think five. Not only do you represent the five senses, but you also represent the most famous figure in geometry as well as one of the most important administrative buildings in the United States. You represent a pentagon, the department of Defense administrative building in America and the five sided figure in geometry. No wonder why you are such an easy number to remember. Perhaps that's why some businesses will sell their products for $5 dollars instead of $4.99; it helps customers remember the cost of the company's product. You truly are a star to all of us beings on the planet; you even represent the five endpoints on a star.

Scholarship / I want to read for a PhD in mechanical engineering; Scholarship/ GOALS [2]

Prompt: How will winning this scholarship help you attain your goals?

(Note; this is a quick rough draft so please feel free to make any comments and corrections you see necessary. Thanks a lot! ----------> I will return the favor)

Winning this scholarship will enable me to continue my education; by helping me afford tuition and living expenses in college. My goal after graduating from high school is to attend the University of Nevada Reno and obtain a PhD in mechanical engineering. Working with science and mathematics is something I find great interest in. I discovered this interest during my sophomore year of high school when I joined the FIRST Robotics Club. In FIRST Robotics I was assigned the position of programmer. Essentially, I was responsible for the movement and functionality of robot 2520 (our schools robot). Being able to work with other ambitious students who enjoy science and mathematics has definitely played a huge role in my decision of becoming a mechanical engineer. At home things are completely different. Education is a word seldom mentioned or heard of in my house. Most of the members in my family did not make it beyond middle school with the exception of my youngest sister who dropped out of high school during her sophomore year. Seeing my family member's live unhealthy and unproductive lifestyles pains me; I know things would be a lot different if they recognized the importance of an education. Nonetheless, I am determined to attend college and receive a higher education so that I can give my future family the support and guidance I never received from members of my family. In addition, to being the first high school graduate in my family, going to college will make me a positive role model for my younger nieces and nephews who still have a chance to pursue an education. Also I am grateful to have realized the significance of an education at an early age; realizing this has helped me stay out of trouble and avoid negative influences. More importantly, I am thankful to have realized that an education can lead to new avenues- literally. In about two months from now I will be heading towards an avenue near the University of Nevada Reno (for the purpose of attaining a higher education). Throughout my schooling I have consulted books, teachers, and friends for educational support. Developing a network of positive- trustworthy friends and teachers has also played a valuable role in my decision of becoming a mechanical engineer. An education goes beyond books and classrooms. I'm glad to have realized this at a young age and will continue to strive toward my educational goals. Truthfully, discovering myself in high school was not easy, but at this point in my life, I have been able to discern that my passion lies in the subject of science and mathematics. Furthermore, I know that all of the hardwork I do will pay off in the future, and one day I will be able to tell my success story to teenagers who come from the same background as me. Winning this scholarship would be more valuable then receiving keys to a brand new car because the key to an education is the key to success.

Undergraduate / Volunteeriing in FIRST Robotics/WHY YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME? [3]

PROMPT: EXPLAIN IN LESS THAN 1000 WORDS WHY YOU HAVE CHOSEN TO VOLUNTEER YOUR TIME W/ THE ORGANIZATIONS THAT YOU HAVE AND HOW YOUR EXPERIENCE HAS CHANGED YOUR LIFE.

I have dedicated the past two years of my high school career to the FIRST Robotics club. I am a math and science fanatic but that's only one reason why i decided to join FIRST Robotics. My sophomore year I would always see an older lady carry buckets of water bottles up the ramp in our high school. She never missed a day. Each and every morning she would make her way up the ramp from the girls locker room where she filled the buckets which contained water bottles with ice. Your probably wondering why she filled up buckets of water with ice. Well that's how the First Robotics program at Valley High School makes the majority of its money; by selling ice cold water bottles for fifty cents a piece. One morning I offered Mrs. Van Soolen some help with the water bottles and also told her about my interest in science and math."Thanks for the help. My name is Mrs. Van Soolen. I am the coordinator of the FIRST Robotics program and could use a hand would these water bottles." I remember saying somehting like; "nice to meet you Mrs. Van Soolen my name is Francisco but I prefered to be called Franky. I am interested in joining FIRST Robotics." Ever since that day I have been a member of the FIRST Robotics program and never missed a day of carrying buckets of ice up the ramp.

Right now I am at 239 words so I need about 751 more words. Any help would be greatly appreciated. NOTE: I ALWAYS RETURN A FAVOR AND WILL GLADLY HELP YOU WITH YOUR ESSAY.

Undergraduate / FIRST Robotics community ; UMichigian Ann Arbor/ Community [2]

Essay Prompt: Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)

I am part of the FIRST Robotics community at my high school. We are a supportive community and value the qualities of leadership, teamwork, and gracious professionalism. Through teamwork and individual positions each member of the FIRST community has the opportunity to contribute his/her ideas and opinions. My position in the FIRST community is programmer. I ensure that the robot functions properly and meets the requirements specified by FIRST regulations. Fun, innovative, and inspiring are also adjectives that best describe our community. We seek solutions to certain problems such as programming our robot using a variety of methods and applications; mainly programming styles such as Java, C++, or lab view. Imagination and application of science and technology are integral to the FIRST community.

We may not be the bigger of FIRST communities in our region of Las Vegas, but our team effort and cooperation make up for it; we work together as a cohesive unit and motivate each other to always strive for better results regarding the construction of robot 2520. The FIRST Robotics community influences me to contribute to the community at Valley High School because all of the members are positive and have made goals toward becoming future leaders in science and technology. It is in the FIRST community that I learned the significance of teamwork and leadership. Since I am the only one capable of programming C++ and Java, I often lead the other members in tutorials. FIRST has given me the motivation to pursue my dreams.

Please feel free to express any thoughts, opinions, etc. Yes I am open to criticism but just don't say anything that will get you suspended. Thanks and I will surely return the favor.

Undergraduate / Alecander the Great; OWN QUESTION and RESPOND/ U Maryland College Park [2]

5. Write your own question and respond to it. Please be sure to tell us why you think this essay represents you well.

Essay Prompt: Everyone wants to leave their mark in history. Alexander the Great left his mark in history by conquering three continents and twenty cities which bear his name. He was motivated by revenge and the desire to conquer Persia. Like Alexander the Great what do you want to be remembered for or accomplish and what motivates your decision?

If I can be remembered for anything, then I would like to be remembered for making a contribution or discovery in science/mathematics. I am not the brightest science/math student but it's a subject I enjoy and allows me to understand the universe via simple equations; Einstein's equation of relativity (E = mc2) which relates matter and energy is among the most famous mathematical equations that clearly describes the relationship between two entities. Like Einstein I too want to discover an equation that will have a purposeful meaning to science and technology.

My curiosity to understand the universe combined with my work ethic has motivated my decision to make a contribution in the field of science/mathematics. Math and science are two rigorous disciplines that demand a great deal of effort and dedication to fathom. Like clockwork I am constantly looking at ways to improve my abilities in math and science; whether it's solving problems in my calculus book or helping the FIRST Robotics team at my high school with programming. This essay represents what I am all about; science and mathematics. One day hopefully I can have an equation that bears my ingenuity.

This is for the University of Maryland College Park and is due today. Please feel free to express your ideas, opinions, etc.
Thanks!

Undergraduate / Industrious and determination ;U MARYLAND- Parts that add up to the sum of ME [2]

1. "The whole is greater than the sum of its parts." - Aristotle
Essay Prompt: The intellectual, social and cultural differences embraced by the University of Maryland are integral to the fabric of our community. The strength of the University is realized through the contributions of every member of our campus. We understand each individual is a result of his/her personal background and experiences. Describe the parts that add up to the sum of you.

I've learned that the only time the word success comes before work is in the dictionary. Hard work is a central part of my philosophy towards success which is why I have taken advanced placement courses throughout high school to challenge myself as well as to prepare for college. I gained the ability to work hard and endure challenges through my involvement in sports, extracurricular activities, and church service. Progress reports and student awards reflect my hard work in school especially this year; I am enrolled in four advanced placement classes and three honors classes.

Industrious and determination are two words that best describe my personality. I come from a family that neither values nor recognizes the worth of an education; growing up without any educational support has affected my performance in the classroom but I have been able to overcome my academic challenges with the help of school mentors and counselors. These past four years of high school impacted my personality and shaped the person I am today; responsible, intelligent, and an overall happy young man. I am eager to attend college and obtain a higher education to live a purposeful life and set a positive example for the younger members in my family. I am confident that my hard work and experience will allow me to be a successful and positive contributor in society.

Right now I'm at 299 words. If you see anything that may seem unnecessary or irrelevant to the essay please do not refrain from expressing your ideas and comments. Any feed back would be greatly appreciated. Thanks! And I will certainly help you with your essays.

Undergraduate / My industrious nature; UColorado @ Boulder - DIVERSE COMMUNITY [4]

Prompt: Essay A (500 words maximum) The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?

I will bring my industrious nature to the University of Colorado Boulder. I enjoy working with others, and I believe I can contribute in the departments of physics and mathematics. I never enjoyed math or imagined myself pursuing a career involving mathematics until my sophomore year in high school. The first time I picked up the book The Complete Idiots Guide to Calculus by Michael Kelley I couldn't put it down. I was intrigued by the formulas and the humorous manner in which the concepts were presented; it truly inspired me to pursue a career involving math. Math is competitive; only a few people take up mathematics because it takes an immense amount of reading and application to an ancient discipline. The most appealing thing to me about math is that it allows me to go into my own world, away from reality and all the stress of the daily requirements of life. I wish to contribute to math in some way; I know there are others who are making new developments and breakthroughs in math. While some people say there's nothing new to discover, I believe there is something I can contribute. I'm not the brightest math student, but it's something I love doing. With my determination and my own dreams, I can become that brilliant mathematician I see in my head.

I hope to apply my skills of math, science, and engineering to real world situations by becoming an aerospace engineer. I am interested in aerospace engineering because it requires knowledge of math, physics, and basic engineering (circuits, thermodynamics, etc.). I attend programming seminars at the University of Nevada Las Vegas (UNLV) to better understand the programming that engineers use in their daily lives. I learned that programming at the college level is quite intricate; there are functions, orientations, and a whole lot of other technical operations which I am still trying to fathom. This might be my main challenge in college, but it's a challenge I am facing now to push and extend myself.

For the last four years I've been applying myself to my studies in order to graduate and achieve the academic standards I set. Academic excellence is my main goal and with the Advanced Placement classes that I'm taking, I am confident that I can be an excellent student at the University of Colorado at Boulder. As the first member in my family to graduate from high school, I recognize and value the importance of an education. In my family, there is no recognition of the worth of an education. I watch my parents struggle with drug addictions and alcohol, and it has impacted the way I view my future. I realized that I don't want to lead the lives they have lived. I know that I can be better than that; I can represent something more in this world. The diverse and inclusive environment at the University of Colorado at Boulder will enable me to see the world from a different perspective.

Undergraduate / Internship as a customer service representative; Leadership experience [2]

Essay 5
Discuss a leadership experience you have had in any area of your life: school, work, athletics, family, church, community, etc. How and why did you become a leader in this area? How did this experience influence your goals?

During the summer of my junior year in high school I obtained an internship as a customer service representative at Smart City Networks. It was during this period that I learned how to be a leader and demonstrated my leadership abilities by setting a positive example for other employees to follow. I also learned that being a leader requires more than just being an example and helping others. Sometimes being a leader requires sacrifice and demands that you are on your top game at all times. As a customer service representative at Smart City Networks, I was able to be a leader by striving to be my best in all of my efforts and tasks. Whether it was walking on the show floor and greeting customers or busily scanning orders on the computer, I gave my one hundred percent in everything I did. My diligence and persistent effort to always achieve better reports from customers and improve my company's reputation was soon recognized by other employees and gained me the recognition as a leader.

My goal after graduating from high school is to attend a four year university and pursue a degree in aerospace engineering. I obtained a paid internship at Smart City Networks over the summer of my junior year to save money for my college tuition and gain work experience. Too my surprise I am pretty good at promoting sales and social networking but my academic interests and areas I excel in are science and mathematics. As a leader and employee that was always dedicated to his responsibilities, I was able to teach my fellow employees how to use formulas on Microsoft word and also had the opportunity to lead the front desk (customer service) crew in our first show of the summer.

I became a leader in customer service and social networking by maintaining a positive attitude under pressure, executing my daily tasks, and helping customers. Some of the employees called me "the miracle worker" because I would manage to complete all of my daily tasks in a few hours and had ample time to assist customers on the show floor as well as assist the crew in operations which involved tethering telephone and internet lines. Even when our company's phones were ringing off the wall and customers were forming lines as long as a football field, I still maintained my composure, enthusiasm and always ensured that a customer received his or her correct order. My vision to always improve my company's status and strive for better customer reports is ultimately what made me standout as a leader in customer service and social networking.

My leadership experience at Smart City Networks has taught me to never become content with what I have accomplished or achieved but rather to always push myself to attain better results and improve my areas of weakness. The quote by Samuel Johnson "To strive with difficulties and conquer them is the highest human felicity" has also encouraged me to conquer all challenges I may face and be a leader in all of my doings. My experience as a leader at Smart City Networks has influenced to excel in my academic studies, and furthermore, aim for the sky because the only limitations that I have our ones I set for myself.

Undergraduate / Graduate/Aerospace engineer ; Short &Long-term GOALS [NEW]

My first and most important short term goal is to graduate from high school and attend a four year university in America. Attending college is a major priority of mine and would enable me to accomplish some of my long-term goals such as becoming an aerospace engineer. To accomplish my immediate and future goals I have dedicated a great amount of my time in high school studying science, mathematics, and participating in engineering programs such as FIRST (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology) Robotics.

Being the first member in my family to graduate from high school has encouraged me to pursue a higher education, but more critical, is my own intent and desire to make myself a better person and eventually make a significant contribution in the world. My long-term goal of becoming an aerospace engineer has been heavily influenced by my participation in FIRST Robotics as well as my enjoyment of math and science. I like to know of my surroundings, and math and science provide a way for me to understand the universe by using simple equations and scientific theories. To me explaining the universe with just a simple equation is fascinating which is why I intend to become an aerospace engineer and apply my knowledge of math and science to problems in the world.

Moreover, my long-term goal of becoming an aerospace engineer is influenced by my desire to reduce the amount of global warming and make the world a safer place to live in. In today's society the exhaust emissions from spacecraft such as jets, planes, and helicopters are greatly responsible for the deterioration in the ozone layer of the earth's atmosphere. As an aerospace engineer, I would be able to find alternative fuels for spacecraft and significantly reduce the amount of harmful gases that penetrate the ozone layer of earth's atmosphere. While finding alternative fuels for spacecraft and thus reducing the amount of global warming may not be in my near future, it is a goal that I would like to accomplish and am determined to make a reality.

My goal of becoming an aerospace engineer and attending college are inevitably related to each other, because I cannot become a professional aerospace engineer without first acquiring a degree and also I wouldn't have all of the necessary skills and knowledge that are required of professional aerospace engineers. Furthermore, my goal of attending college is a vital priority of mine and would enable me to break the cycle of high school drop outs in family. Also I would set a positive example for the youth in my family and community.

To become a successful aerospace engineer and make my dream goal a reality I have taken the most rigorous courses in high school such as AP Calculus, AP Physics, AP Chemistry, AP Biology, and Anatomy and Physiology honors to mention a few. For my immediate goal of graduating and attending college, I am making sure that I have good grades in all of my classes and am also studying some of the material in courses that I will take in college such as programming. I have high aspirations for my future goals and am confident that I will be successful no matter which college I attend.

Undergraduate / Average intellectual ability/Denial -AP Calculus;CommonAp/Situation-treated unfairly [2]

Essay 3
Briefly describe a situation in which you felt that you or others were treated unfairly or were not given an opportunity you felt you deserved. Why do you think this happened? How did you respond? Did the situation improve as a result of your response?

A time when I was not given the opportunity I deserved, occurred earlier this year as I met with my counselor to pick up my class schedule. I was anxious to embark on my last year of high school by taking the most rigorous courses in science and mathematics such as AP Physics and AP Calculus. But as I scanned down my class schedule that Mrs. Roberts (my counselor) gave to me I was surprised to find that I was enrolled in remedial classes that did not reflect my intellectual abilities or academic interests. In response I asked Mrs. Roberts if she could change my schedule, and although she did after a month of school, she was adamant and believed that I was not prepared for such demanding courses as AP Calculus.

From Mrs. Roberts perspective, I was an average student who took algebra two honors as a junior and should have taken trigonometry and pre-calculus my senior year. From her point of view it is clear why I was not enrolled in AP Calculus and instead enrolled in trigonometry and pre-calculus. But what Mrs. Roberts did not know is that I spent my entire summer before my senior year, studying trigonometry and pre-calculus. In fact math and science are the two areas I excel in, enjoy the most, and intend to study extensively in college. Fortunately, Mrs. Vallestero's, my trigonometry and pre-calculus teacher, was able to recognize my abilities in mathematics and encouraged Mrs. Roberts to enroll me in AP Calculus.

Although she was hesitant at first and neither approved of my decision nor the advice from Mrs. Vallestero's, Mrs. Roberts finally enrolled me into AP Calculus, a month after school had started, and was convinced that I was mathematically inclined. Even though it took a month to be given the educational opportunity I desired, I am grateful to have been recognized for my excellence in mathematics, and furthermore, to receive an education that will benefit me in my future as a college student. I have learned from this experience that sometimes an equal and fair opportunity must be obtained rather than being granted.

Undergraduate / French and United States History ; Which you have had difficulty/ What factors? [3]

Gates Millennium Scholarship
Essay 2

Discuss the subjects in which you have had difficulty. What factors do you believe contributed to your difficulties? How have you dealt with them so they will not cause problems for you again? In what areas have you experienced the greatest improvement? What problem areas remain?

French and United States History are the courses that have given me the most difficulty in high school. While I enjoy learning both French and United States History, I have trouble putting all of the concepts together. Kind of like a crossword puzzle you have all of the answers to but just can't put them in their correct places, I know a plethora of indispensable French terms and facts in U.S. history, but I have difficulty tying all of the concepts in each subject together. In large part, my inadequate study habits during my junior year of high school, combined with my busy schedule have played a significant role in my difficulties in French and U.S. History.

My difficulty in French is not in reading and understanding the material but rather in interpreting the material. For instance, I can read my textbook, take notes, and understand the information that I read, but I struggle pronouncing certain words or sometimes misuse a word in a sentence. Now that I am a senior in high school I am currently enrolled in French two Honors, which is an easy class to pass, but actually understanding the material in the textbook and being able to communicate that material is a great academic difficulty I have had this year. To cope with my difficulties in French I have stayed after school and received helped from my teacher, listened to the supplemental cd that comes with our course textbook, and practiced having conversations with my friends. While all of these efforts have helped me speak French better than I previously did, I still have difficulty finding the right words to use in a sentence. But I have reflected significant improvement in areas such as spelling, writing, and interpreting.

However, my greatest areas of improvement in French are my reading comprehension abilities as well as my speaking skills. Although I still have difficulty choosing the right word to say at the right time, I can say a sentence clearly and without the aid of a textbook. This improvement has been reflected in my grades and my ability to carry on a conversation with others. Nonetheless, I still have room for improvement in areas such as choosing the right word in a sentence and also pronouncing words that are generally difficult to pronounce like accueiller or to welcome.

Unlike French, United States history has always intrigued me and is a subject I enjoy learning. Whether it's learning about the roaring twenties or about the more recent Watergate scandal, I am an avid reader on United States history. But there is one difficulty I had in U.S. History last year as a junior. My most difficult challenge in AP U.S. History last year was reading all of the material in the textbook and extracting that indispensable information into a Cornell note style format. Deciding what dates, names, periods, and other valuable information to extract from an ocean of signficant information was my greatest challenge. It seemed like all of the information in the textbook was valuable to know but taking notes was time-consuming and exhaustive. Gradually, however, I became a better note taker and learned how to read more quickly by applying and adapting the SQ3R study method. SQ3R (Survey, Question, Read, Recite, and Review) is a study method that ultimately helped me improve my note taking skills in U.S. History and also helped me in my other courses.

But I can still improve my areas of weakness in United States history like extracting information from a document based question. Document based questions are generally difficult for me because they contain an ocean full of information and have to be written in fifty minutes or less. The writing process is fairly easy but providing an adequate thesis statement and constructing a well-written essay under a given time constraint proved to be my greatest challenge last year when I took the AP exam. By writing the document based questions in my AP U.S. History Princeton review study guide, I have been able to improve my writing skills under pressure and am confident that I can pass the AP U.S. History exam when I take it again in May of 2013. While I may not have perfected all of my weaknesses in French or United States History, I have improved the areas which needed the most attention and this has motivated me to do my best in both subject matters.

I feel like I didn't answer the entire question. Any criticism and suggestions would be especially helpful.

Undergraduate / Science & Math/ Coherant framework/ Better World;Common App/ Subjects excelled [3]

Throughout all of my years in high school, I have showed academic excellence in the subjects of science and mathematics. Although, I've never received recognition from my school, such as a student of the month reward (for my excellence in science and mathematics), my report cards in the past and present reflect my intellectual abilities and expertise in each discipline. I owe much of my success as a student in science and mathematics to the Rice and MIT graduate Sal Khan, the founder of khanacademy.org, which is also known as "The One World School House." My intellectual curiosity in science and mathematics has been greatly enriched by watching the videos on Khan Academy and, furthermore, my inclination to understand the physical universe.

It was not until my junior year in high school, however, when my academic excellence in science and mathematics became apparent to me and my teachers. During this year I joined the FIRST (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology) Robotics club and put my abilities in science and mathematics to the challenge. Participating in FIRST Robotics enabled me to see how scientific theory could be applied to the real world and this encouraged me to delve into my studies of science and mathematics. My grades in chemistry and algebra two also reflected my excellence in science and mathematics as I achieved A's in both subjects. Even though chemistry and algebra two weren't the most rigorous science and math courses I could have taken my junior year, they were the classes in which I excelled, and more importantly, helped me identify my academic interests.

As a senior, I am now enrolled in more challenging courses that can meet my intellectual rigor; such classes include AP Calculus and AP Physics to mention a couple. My leap from Algebra II Honors to AP Calculus has not been that big of a difference because I dedicated a great amount of my time over the summer studying trigonometry, pre-calculus, and watching the calculus videos on Khanacademy.org. While I learned most of the indispensable concepts in pre-calculus and trigonometry from the books I read at the local library, the video's on Khan Academy helped me attain a better understanding of some of the more intricate and difficult concepts in math, such as the law of sine's or the law of cosines. My inclination to understand the universe by using equations, along with the detailed videos on Khan Academy helped me learn trigonometry and pre-calculus over the summer. My time and efforts over the summer paid off which is why I am sitting in AP Calculus instead of pre-calculus and trigonometry.

The time and effort I have put into studying science and mathematics has been a significant benefactor in my success as a student and an individual. From indulging into these two passions of mine I have learned to excel and go beyond the limits that a typical student taking an AP Calculus or AP Chemistry course would confine themselves to. I do not limit myself to the coursework assigned by the teacher; rather I tackle AP practice problems offered on the collegeboard.org website and also watch videos on Khanacademy.org when my schedule permits me. These study habits that I have developed have ultimately helped me excel in science, mathematics, and my other courses as well.

More critical to my success in science and mathematics, however, is my keen interest in the unified theory of the universe also known as String Theory. I learned about String Theory, the theory of the universe, while reading a documentary about the German born physicist, Albert Einstein who introduced the theory in the early nineteen twenties. At the moment, my skills and acumen in the subject of mathematics may not be sufficient to comprehend the advanced calculus that String Theory requires, but it is this fact that motivates me to learn and excel in my math course as well as my science courses. In addition, my excellence in math and science has been heavily influenced by reading the works of theoretical physicists such as Michio Kaku and Brian Greene both of whom are leading string theorists.

Furthermore, I am attracted to the study of science and mathematics because they come together to form a coherent framework that enables us to describe the happenings of the universe via equations and formulae. Without these subjects, engineers would not be able to effectively perform their jobs and our modern society wouldn't be so modern. In fact the word airplane or particle accelerator probably wouldn't exist in our everyday language because we would not know of such things. In other words, the advancement of technology and our way of living relies heavily upon the subjects of science and mathematics. Ultimately my desire to make the world a better place by using engineering applications is what inspires me to excel in academics.

Undergraduate / I will be the first member in my family to graduate ; Common App-My family background [3]

My educational goals and aspirations for the future have been significantly influenced by members of my family. I will be the first member in my family to graduate from high school and am proud to set a positive example for my younger siblings. I never lived in one neighborhood for more than a few years or so, but the neighborhood I currently live in is by far the one that has had the greatest impact on my educational goals and aspirations. Not too far from the local library and situated behind the University of Nevada Las Vegas, the University Park Apartments is a neighborhood dominated by college students that invigorate the environment and create an atmosphere that fosters learning. It is within this environment that I learned a lot about my own interests and goals in life; ultimately I plan to become an aerospace engineer and contribute to the physical sciences. Also my background has played a pivotal role in my future goals and aspirations. Sort of like a uniform ramp with a positive slope, my academic background has reflected my growth as a student; especially in mathematics. In middle school I was not interested in math but that all changed my junior year when I joined the FIRST (For Inspiration and Recognition of Science and Technology) Robotics club. Since I've Joined First, I have realized how significant math is to the application of engineering and science, a subject I've always enjoyed.

I decided to do away with my previous essay and start anew. However, in this essay I feel like I didn't do a good job making the transition from my neighborhood to my background.

Any comments and feedback would be especially helpful.
* I always return a favor so whoever helps me will certainly receive my help as well. By the way I just finished all eight of my Gates Millennium Scholarship Essays so if anyone is willing please take a loo at them and make any comments.

Thanks!!