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Posts by william731
Joined: Feb 14, 2013
Last Post: Oct 22, 2014
Threads: 18
Posts: 43  
Likes: 13
From: Hong Kong

Displayed posts: 61 / page 1 of 2
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william731   
Feb 14, 2013
Writing Feedback / Nowadays for many people the Internet is replacing regular books. [6]

Can anyone give me some comments about this essay?

Nowadays for many people the Internet is replacing regular books. What do you think will happen in the future and what is your opinion about this trend?

With the rapid pace in technological development, the internet has been widely used in various aspects of our lives. For instance, it is very prevalent today for people to read books in the internet compared with decades ago. It is believed that the network development will continually impact people's reading habit, as will be now discussed.

Firstly, it is not doubt that people can assess the books they like online in a convenient manner. The internet has been gradually replacing the physical existence of books. As a result, books publishers has developed electronic books for their customers to satisfy people's changing reading styles.

In addition, libraries are losing their meaning since people rather read books online. Therefore, it is believed that traditional libraries will ultimately be forced to transform to online facilities. People can then assess the online reading materials using their memberships.

Undoubtedly, the convenience of online reading does benefit us in certain ways. Due to the pace advancement in electronic devices, people can read everywhere, just like they are holding a real book. However, I personally prefer reading a real book over a virtual book. The reason is that I can keep my favorite books as collections on my bookshelf which cannot be done by electronic books. For health consideration, concentrating on a monitor for too long will result in detrimental effect on eyes, such as eyesight problem.

All in all, it is for sure that the internet will substitute books in the future. this trend is beneficial to human being as the convenience of online reading is undeniable.
william731   
Feb 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / These days couples decide to have children later in their life! [2]

These days couples decide to have children later in their life. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? How is it affecting the family life and society?

In recent decades, there is a phenomenon that couples tend to have their first child five to ten years after their marriage. I personally believe that people nowadays would rather have child as late as possible due to career or other personal considerations as will now be discussed.

Firstly, the cost of raising a child is significantly high and some young couples are not ready to bear the burden yet. Statistics have shown that the expenditure of raising a child to his or her 18s would require more than two hundred thousand US dollars. Therefore, it is the reason why people would like to have children later in their life when they are financially stable.

Secondly, there is a tradeoff between having a baby and career development which is especially faced by many women. Traditionally, the mother role of the child has to devote most of her time to taking care of her daughter or son. This is definitely an obstacle to her career development. When people decide to postpone their plan of pregnancy to 5-10 years, they can take the advantage of this time to get promotion in their careers.

Moreover, some believe that child education is not an easy task. It involves how to maintain a relationship with their child and how to deal with them when conflicts arise. As poor parenting skill may result in deterioration in children's mental development, these people would rather take some time to accumulate more knowledge and parenting skills.

However, people at their late 30s may have various health problems such as infertility that prevent them from being pregnant. Medical studies have indicated that the chance of getting pregnant in their late 30s decreased dramatically compared with their 20s. Although people have different reasons to postpone their plan of having child, they should bear the risks of pregnancy in their late life.
william731   
Feb 16, 2013
Writing Feedback / (IELTS graph)Brick making process; Graphical interpretation [4]

The clay is kept on a roller and mix with water

mixed

The mixed clay is either pass through the squire box and the wire cutter is using to cut the bricks according to its size, or a mold is using to shape the mixed clay into bricks

The mixed clay is either passing through a squire box and cut by a wire cutter according to its size, or it is shaped by a mold into bricks.
william731   
Feb 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / Education plays a pivotal role; Children learn how to be good members of society [4]

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Education plays a pivotal role for children in becoming a good member of a society. However, there is a contentious issue as to whether parents or teachers hold the responsibility to teach children how to be part of a society. Personally, I believe both are responsible for social education.

To begin with, some believe that children at their school age spend eight hours a day in the school. School is just like a small society where people have to interact with each other. Most of the time, they are influenced by their peers and their teachers. Occasionally, conflicts may arise between students such as dispute or fight. It is teachers' duty to teach their students how to deal with some social situation appropriately such as how to cooperate with other students and avoid conflicts.

On the other hand, those who subscribe to the opposite belief argue that children spent considerable amount of time with their parents since they were born. Their behavior are affected by their parents both positively and negatively. For example, if the father or mother does not respect others, it is more likely their kid will do the same thing as no one teach them right and wrong. Therefore, parents should act as a model for their children.

To conclude, both parents and teachers are essential to help children participate in a society and be a good member of it. It is hard to single out either one as they both can significantly influence children's behavior.
william731   
Feb 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / Until what age people should be encouraged to remain in paid employment? IELTS [4]

it is commonly understood that age requirement for an employee to retire varies from different countries and the type of work he or she undertake

i think - age requirement for retirement would be better / he or she undertakes

as much as

as long as

on the type of work one perform

performs

it is commonly understood that

you used twice, it is better to avoid repetition

peoples suitability

people's
william731   
Feb 17, 2013
Writing Feedback / (Ielts) Most countries develop their economies to improve living standards [3]

Most countries develop their economies to improve living standards. Some people are afraid that it will cause degradation of important social values. Do you think the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Economic development is always one of the most pivotal aspects that most countries strive to improve for the sake of their people. Yet, some hold a contentious view that it will result in deterioration of social values. Just like everything, developing a better economy has both pros and cons and I personally believe the merits outweigh the drawbacks.

On the plus side, a prosperous society can attract oversea investors and bring offshore funding into local economy. These entrepreneurs may invest money in building factories which in turn creates job vacancies and thus reduces unemployment. Moreover, those people often introduce new technology to the country that may improve the productivity of local businesses. Furthermore, allowing them to compete with local companies has an economic benefit since competition can lead to cheaper goods with high qualities. Therefore, people can be benefited from the lower living costs.

However, people has been becoming ruthless along with the continuing economic expansion. There are more and more opportunists who strive for their own interest regardless of others' well being. For instance, it is very common that some companies do not provide reasonable remunerations for their workers aiming at cost reduction. In addition, people are occupied by their ambitious career developments resulting less time spent with their families. Work-related competition also forces those people to be isolated from their colleagues. It is those factors that have driven people to be selfish.

To conclude, although the drawbacks cannot be avoided, a well-developed economy brings positive outcomes that significantly benefit the people in that economy and improve the overall living qualities. Thus, it is essential for countries to develop better societies economically.
william731   
Feb 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / (IELTS graph) Cinema attendance of different age group of people in Australia [2]

The given chart describes about the cinema attendance of different age group of people in Australia, ten years between 1990 to2010

no need to use about
different age groups

The group above 50 yrs and 35 to 49yrs showed similar pattern of attendance

show

Above 50 yrs reached 55% 1998

in 1998
william731   
Feb 18, 2013
Writing Feedback / The pie chart shows the main reasons why agricultural land becomes less productive [2]

The pie chart presents the factors contribute to deterioration in agricultural land. The table demonstrates how the three major causes, namely deforestation, over-cultivation and over-grazing, affected three areas including North America, Europe and Oceania in 1990s. At first glance, Europe was suffered the most (23% of degraded land), compared to North America(5%) and Oceania(13%).

From the pie chart, it can be seen that over-grazing(35%) is the major contributor to land degradation. Deforestation and over-cultivation have similar percentages, with 30% and 28% respectively. The rest of the pie belongs to other reasons.

Moving to the table, most of affected land in Europe was due to deforestation(9.8%) and cultivation(7.7%). By comparison, These two factors are only attributed to small proportions in Oceania, which had only 1.7% in total. While over- cultivating was responsible for 3.3% out of the 5% of deteriorated land in North America. Over-grazing accounted for the largest percentage in Oceania(11.3%) and that is twice larger than the percentage in Europe.

In conclusion, Europe is the region that are facing serious land degradation and most of the causes are deforestation and over-cultivating.




william731   
Feb 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task2; TV programmes are transmitted throughout the day and night [6]

In the present age, whether TV programs should transmit throughout the day and night has sparked much debate. Some people assert that 24 -hour TV transmission is positive development while many other people argue that it is negative. personally, I am favor of the former view.

better change some words, you should avoid direct copying from the question.
william731   
Feb 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS ; Single Career or Multi Career? More Careers are more beneficial! [4]

Nowadays, advancements in technology have changed the trend among people to choose their field of work unprecedentedly.

How advancement in technology relates to the choices of work. You should explain a bit.

multicarriers have changed people's life in a positive manner

I am not quite familiar with the word "multicarriers".

In contrast, studies always help the individual to improve his confidence level sharply and can tackle the problems easily, which happen in his duty.

Should be " in addition" right?
william731   
Feb 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / (IELTS) People in the past used to be more dependent on one another [7]

People in the past used to be more dependent on one another, whereas nowadays the lead a more independent life. Do you agree or disagree?

In this dynamic world, people have built up a strong problem solving skill through adapting the changing environment and they rarely seek for others' assistance. Thus, some believe that people are becoming more independent than they used to be. Personally, I do not agree with the claim that people are losing their interdependent behaviours.

The favourable view toward people's independence suggests that mankind nowadays are encouraged to be independent since they were teenage. As parents has lesser time spent with their children mainly due to job issues, children have learnt how to take care of themselves. Therefore, they have already developed an independent character through their growing up lives. Besides that, the prevalence of the Internet has substituted the way people searching for help. They rather post questions on some forums than talking with their families or seeking advice from their friends.

On the other hand, there are increased occasions that people have to rely on one another. For career perspective, some jobs like engineering are specialised and sophisticated which require people working as a team and co-operating with each other. Moreover, there are circumstance where the Internet cannot offer any help. For instance, when facing some problems such as financial difficulties, it is undeniable that people are dependent on others' assistance, either from families or friends.

To conclude, the dynamic world has forced people to cooperate with each other. Although the Internet has change the way people seeking assistances, they are still dependent on others when it comes to serious difficulties.
william731   
Feb 19, 2013
Writing Feedback / Technology effects; making friends and communicate with one another is different [5]

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology. In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

The rapid pace of development in technology has changed the way people communicate with each other. The essay intends to explore the changes and the negative impact that may be brought out.

Firstly, the prevalence of the Internet has induced the invention of online social networking platforms such as Facebook and Twitter. People nowadays spend a considerable amount of time surfing those websites and making comments on their friends' status, instead of talking with their friends face to face or even over telephone.

Moreover, the traditional ways of making friends have been transformed due to the emergence of those social platforms. In the past, people made friends by going to various functions such as student clubs or by introducing friends to friends. In the computerized world, people would rather make friends through online chat rooms and other communication software like MSN.

However, those technological advancement has posed certain degree of threats to the users. With the increased use of the Internet for the purpose of communicating, people are indulged in the cyber world and are reluctant to face the reality. Besides, people infrequently communicating face to face may result in poor social interpersonal skills. Another threat of Internet is that the virtual world is full of lies and scams. It is not a wise choice to meet a stranger through the network.

To conclude, technology has changed the methods how people make friends and communicate with one another. However, the potential hazards of it should not be ignored at any circumstance.
william731   
Feb 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / (IELTS graph) Typical stages of consumer goods manufacturing [4]

Raw materials and manufactured products keep in the store room first and then passed to the production planning, assembling respectively

should be passive voice, are kept
planning and assembling
I think components and products are two different things.

Raw materials and manufactured products keep in the store room first and then passed to the production planning, assembling respectively. The assembled goods after inspection and testing moved on for packing. The packed items are then ready for distribution in the dispatch section and finally sent for sale.

For me , I would write that: Raw materials and manufactured components are kept in the store room first and then are transferred to production planning stage. The finished goods are manufactured based on the design from product research department and are then assembled to inspection and testing department. The fully tested products are packed and ready for dispatch to sales section.

The items are undergoing inspection and testing after assembly

you mentioned it in the second paragraph.

The market research done after sales also influences the design of the product and packing

I would say: the market research done based on sales data also influences the product design, the way of packing and advertising the products.
william731   
Feb 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / people use the mobile phone or computer to communicate, and no longer write letters [3]

It is obvious that many occasions ,from workplace to campus,still need letters

It sounds weird to me, i would say: it is obvious that people still need writing letters on several occasions.

Many universities,for example, are more likely to send handwriting letters to inform students that they are available to their schools

I don think school would send a handwriting letter. They probably send a printed letter.

We can see that the majority of schools regard writing letters as a basic skill of language learning,which means nearly every person in our country is leaning or has acquired how to write letters

has acquired the technique of writing letters.

It only takes people minutes even seconds to receive a message via phones or computers while people will spend days or weeks to see a letter

to receive a letter

In conclusion,as a traditional skill,the technique of letter writing are always needed in official occasions

are --> is
in---> on
william731   
Feb 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a UK school [2]

The three pie charts below show the changes in annual spending by a particular UK school in 1981,1991 and 2001.

The three pie charts present the trend of annual expenditure in an UK school in 1981,1991,2001. At first glance, teachers' salaries remained the largest percentage of the total expenditure.

The teacher's salaries were fluctuated across the period. It started from 40% in 1981, followed by 50 % in 1991 and reduced to 45% in 2001. Resources such as books experienced a similar pattern. In 1981, it occupied 15% of the spending and it rose to one fifth in 1991 before dropping to 9% in 2001.

Other workers' salaries had been decreasing over last three decades, which reduced from 288% in 1981 to only 15% in 2001. On the other hand, more money had spent on insurance. It first rose by 1% to 3 % in 1991 and then dramatically climbed to 8% in 2001. Furniture and equipment also increased from 15% in 1981 to 23% in 2001, despite the fact that it declined by 10% in 1991.

Overall, teachers and other workers' salaries, furniture and equipment were the highest expenses of the school for the last 30 years.




william731   
Feb 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / 'Telecommuting' refers to workers doing their jobs from home- IELTS [4]

These days there has been a significant increase in number of people working from home and use computers to communicate with their office

using

For instance, when the number of people show up for work is lessened due to telecommuting, many empty desks can be expected in the office. As a result, offices grow smaller and employees come in for work have to share desk with their colleagues which in turn affect the social atmosphere and morality of the employees in the company

kind of contradict to your reason.
from my understanding, you say it is expected to have many empty desks, why they have to share desk?

For example, it is obvious that when more people gravitate towards the idea of working at home, fewer cars will be seen on cities . This example illustrates the fact that people will have less reason to travel to city center and other nearby areas. Therefore , shopping centers and other business outlets have to relocate out of the city.

To be honestly, this point does not seem persuasive to me. it is hard to link fewer cars to relocation of shopping centers.
william731   
Feb 20, 2013
Writing Feedback / Possible ways to encourage the use of public transport to reduce traffic - IELTS [5]

This example, clearly illustrates the fact that use of private cars on highways are expensive as compared to using the public transportation

I think comma is not needed in here.

ntroducing tolls and other taxes on using private car is a good strategy to deter the use people from using private vehicles

it is clear that by increasing the cost of using the private vehicles is an effective strategy to encourage people using public transportation

william731   
Feb 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / Can petrol price hikes control growing traffic and pollution issues? [3]

Increasing the price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
What other measures do you think might be effective?


With the growing number of private vehicles, there is an increasing concern about traffic congestion and pollution problems resulting from cars. Some believe that increasing the price of petrol is the most effective way to reduce those problems. However, I am not convinced that making the petrol price higher is the best solution.

To begin with, it is undeniable that imposing a high fuel price may reduce the number of private car users. Since higher cost of petrol may increase the financial burden of car users, they may switch to cheaper transportation such as trains and buses. With lesser cars on the road, the congestion problem can be alleviated.

However, increasing fuel price may not be the best method to the problems. As there are many people think that the public transportation system is underdeveloped. For instance, the schedule of buses in some locations is limited and there may only have one bus per hour. By considering the convenience of driving, people still prefer driving even though the cost is increased.

There are other solution that are considered to be effective. Firstly, government should emphasize on developing a better transportation system. Secondly, increasing the parking cost can also help control the cars in the city. A better system along with increased cost of parking and fuel would definitely deter people from using private vehicles.

To conclude, the price of the petrol is not the fundamental factor that affects the preference of driving but the inconvenience of public transportation system is. Therefore, the government should focus on the primary cause.
william731   
Feb 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / (IELTS graph)Social and economic indicators for four countries in 1994 [4]

The given table chart illustrates the social and economic indications of Canada

given table or given chart

while comparing Canada and Japan

to

In life expectancy of the people in these countries there was a negligible difference

has a negligible difference

The differences between Peru and Zaire in annual per person income is 30$US

Japan and Canada, all these four categories showed high disparity compared to poor countries Peru and Zaire

william731   
Feb 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / Should University education be free for everyone interested? TOEFL [4]

I believe that universities should provide free of cost education to the interested scholars because now-a-days universities with good name charge high fees and this leads one to think about affordability

nowadays
high reputation
too vague, not everyone can afford the charges.

they has a lot to face the other difficulties and burden while getting admission such as accommodation, food, traveling, clothing, etc.

they have to face other difficulties such as accommodation, food, traveling and clothing.

M.Phils. and PhDs scholars are probably engage in the research work, which takes their full concentration and surveys

need to explain this point
E.g M.Phils. and PhDs scholars probably keep their full concentration on doing research work and they probably do not have any spare time for work.

universities have to look over the issues face by most of the scholars

faced

their message should be spread education

promoting

should pay attention on the grammatical errors.
william731   
Feb 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process [2]

The diagrams below show the stages and equipment used in the cement-making process, and how cement is used to produce concrete for building purposes.

The first chart demonstrate the process of making cement while the second chart illustrates how and what components are used for concrete production.

For cement production, the first step involves crushing the raw materials, limestone and clay, into powder and mixing them together through a mixer. The mixture then are transferred to a rotating heater and heated to certain degrees. After that, it is transferred to a grinder through a convey belt and the mixture is then grinding into powder. The final product is cement and it is packed with bags.

For concrete productions, the steps are much simpler than making cements. Firstly, it requires putting 15% of cement, 10% of water, 25% of sand and 50% of small stone together into a concrete mixer. The concrete mixer is kept rotating until all the components in the container are mixed smoothly.

Finally, the concrete is formed and it is ready for building uses. It should be noticed that the concrete mixer should be kept spinning or the mixture may be solidified.




william731   
Feb 21, 2013
Writing Feedback / IELTS- Report on Graphical Presentation ; Quantities of goods transported in the UK [2]

The graph presents a trend about the amount of consumer products transported in the UK in the period between 1974 and 2002 through four various methods of transport, including road, water, rail and pipeline. At first glance, most of the goods are transported by road.

Most of goods were transported by trucks. It accounted for 70 million tonnes in 1974 and had been gradually increasing to 80 million in 1996, followed by a sharp rise between 1996 and 1999. it reached 100 million tonnes in 2002.

Water and rail transportation had a similar trend at the beginning period. It remain steady until goods imported by ship climbed to nearly 60 million tonnes in 1978 and dropped to 50 million tonnes in 1998 before rapidly rising to 65 million at the end of period. On the contrary, rail transportation declined from 40 million to 30 million in 1984. It then increased a bit but dropped to the bottom of below 30 million in 1995. However, it restored to around 40 million tonnes in 2001.

Pipeline transportation remained the least over the period, it started from 5 million tonnes and continuously climbed to over 20 million tonnes in 1995. The quantities of goods remained steady over the rest of the period.

Overall, road was the most common transportation which is about 5 times as much as pipeline.




william731   
Sep 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / theme ::: > Eating a balanced diet is the most important factor for a healthy life. [2]

In my view, people have to need much organic food to maintain good health. Vegetables and fruits are essential for human body. Both of them contain vitamins, minerals and fibers, which cannot found in meat

Organic food includes Meat and Vitamins can be found in meat as well. It would be better to write accurate information and try to avoid writing some ideas if you are not sure about that.
william731   
Sep 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / Some think that teenagers are the happiest, others believe that adult life bring more more happiness [5]

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest of our lives, while others believe that adult life brings more happiness. Discuss both views and give your opinion

There is not an unanimous consensus as to whether adolescence or adulthood is the happiest stage of our lives. Some believe that teenager years are the best of their lives while others enjoy being a grown up. This essay intends to explore both sides of views.

There are three reasons suggesting the claim that adolescent stage is the happiest. Firstly, it is argued that teenagers bear lesser pressure than adults. Unlike adults who have to tackle with various sorts of stress such as financial or work related pressure, teenagers are attending schools where they can make friends and gain knowledge with lesser degree of tension. Besides, the youth have lesser burden of responsibilities. They do not have the moral obligation to support their family financially. Finally, the young people are living in a world where they are protected by their parents and laws. They are often forgiven for things they did, at least the punishments are light. However, an adult is required to take full responsibilities of any kind of behaviours they performed.

On the other hand, adults are able to enjoy a greater flexibility of freedom. There are several restrictions posing to juvenile. For instance, consuming alcohols and driving are legally prohibited for those who are under eighteen years old. Moreover, adults usually have a regular job with stable income that allows them to purchase whatever they like. However, teenagers are still financially dependable to their parents since they are incapable of generating sufficient amount of money yet.

In conclusion, I personally believe that being a teenager or an adult both have their wonderful moments. Some teenagers may look forward to be an adult to enjoy their freedom while adults simply wish they could be young again and live happily with lesser concern.
william731   
Sep 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / Computer make us more productive or less happy and more stupid? [4]

I think the introduction should just bring out some background information and the thesis but it seems like you just go directly to the body part.

We should give credit to the computers for our today's advancement as it doesn't feel tired or other emotion it can give result in an instant and it is the core part of any research and development

This sentence is really long and confusing.
william731   
Sep 23, 2014
Writing Feedback / Teachers lost their roles in modern education? [5]

Technology development brings about a host of new educational methods like online classes which convey information replacing teachers

I think the last part of the sentence does no make any sense.
For me, I would write: Technological development has revolutionized the methodology of education such as the invention of online tutorials. People nowadays can assess wide range of information easily through internet. Therefore, some people believe that the traditional role of teachers which is to convey information would disappear soon. However....

There is no denying that teachers won't be replaced in all kinds of aspects.

I think we should avoid using won't or can't in formal writing.

For example, in some poverish area where there is no electric and any modern equipment can't work, only can teachers convey information in classes.

impoverished areas
electric device
only teachers can
I think we can better say : in some impoverished areas where not every person can afford modern equipments and teachers become the most affordable channel for them to acquire information.

Last but not least,some programmes only be
runned by teachers like football and swimming courses

Personally, I think this point is irrelevant because the focus here is about delivering information/knowledge but not about coaching
And "runned" should be run

Modern facilities can be adopted as a tools to improve their performance.


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