Writing Feedback / [GRE] USAGE OF MOPEDS IN BALMER ISLAND - Response [4]

This is my first try of the GRE writing.
Need everyone's feedback. Thank you ~

The following appeared in a letter to the editor of the Balmer Island Gazette.
"On Balmer Island, where mopeds serve as a popular form of transportation, the population increases to 100,000 during the summer months. To reduce the number of accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians, the town council of Balmer Island should limit the number of mopeds rented by the island's moped rental companies from 50 per day to 25 per day during the summer season. By limiting the number of rentals, the town council will attain the 50 percent annual reduction in moped accidents that was achieved last year on the neighboring island of Seaville, when Seaville's town council enforced similar limits on moped rentals."

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.

At first glance, it might appear rational to concur with the conclusion that limiting the number of the mopeds rented from 50 to 25 will reduce the accidents involving mopeds and pedestrians since the Seaville Island has already achieved last year. However, the author's argument does not make a cogent case for the reduction of the accidents. There are several assumptions that are not strong enough to lead to the conclusion that cut down the numbers of the mopeds used can also lower the accidents rate.

The first issue to be addressed is whether the Balmer Island has the same situation with the Seaville Island. Clearly, the letter didn't involved any specific numbers that we need to know, such as the population of the two islands, the percentage of the people who use mopeds, and even the geography of this two islands are the same kind or totally different. Remarkably little is known about the situation of these two islands. Unless the survey is valid and reliable, it cannot be used to effectively back to the author's arguments while the connection between the Balmer and the Seaville is not match.

This argument also relies on the idea that limiting the numbers of the rental mopeds in Balmer can have the same result with Seaville Island. However, the reduction of moped's rental from 50 to 25 equals to cut down 50 percentages of the mopeds in use. It will be a huge change in the way how people commute. For example, those people who change their commute way from riding a moped to walking has a highly chance to walk faster or even cross the red light to meet the time, which obviously will increase the chance of having accidents between the pedestrians and cars. Accordingly, a warning sign or an instruction light on the road may be a good idea to change the situation, instead of cut the number of the mopeds.

Thirdly, the argument is weakened by the fact that it does not take the geography and population into account. Clearly, the population of these two islands is of importance to discuss with. For example, if the people who live on the Seaville Island are only a thousand, reducing half of the moped's use will obviously lower the accident rate. However, as the letter mentioned that there are about 100,000 people during the summer months, there are much more people on Balmer Island. Not to mention the fact that a place where the more people live, the more accidents will happened. In addition, the geography also plays a great role in the situation of whether the accidents happened. If the Balmer's topography is not that good, such as the road is covered with potholes and pebbles, more slope, or even the road signs are ambiguous while the Seaville is in a good condition, which could be a tremendous difference between the numbers of the accidents.

Finally, even if the author can substantiate the assumptions him/her made, I remain unconvinced that reduce the number of the moped's use can lower the number of the accidents. Besides the reduction of the mopeds may not only let the moped shopkeeper's revenue decline, but break the income of the tourism industry in the Balmer Island. In order to prevent this kind of things happened, I suggest that the moped's owner should add some reflection things on the mopeds to improve the safety of the renters, which will lower the accident rate and also reduce the chance that the owner needs to fix the mopeds. And the government can set the signs and instructions to remind the pedestrians and the drivers to be aware when they are on the road. Additionally, the government could also set a regulation of the speed limit to punish the one who drive the moped. With the punishment of the money, people may be more careful when they are driving.

To conclude, while at first it may seem somewhat make sense for council to limit the rental of the mopeds. However, the letter may not be the only view of this issue. A more complete understanding of the situations between Balmer's and Seaville's is needed. To strengthen it the author must provide the evidences such as the population and the geography and so on. All this things must be considered before any assumption is made.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Whether it is better to have broad knowledge or not [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
It is better to have broad knowledge of many academic subjects than to specialize in one specific subject.
Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue of whether having broad knowledge of many academic subjects is better than specializing in one specific subject. Some people believe that having a broad knowledge can give you a higher chance to success, while others think that professional in a specific subject is the key to enroll a success. Both of the opposite arguments appear to be somewhat convincing and stand to reason. As far as I am concerned, having a large scale of different knowledge is the key to success. The following will present my points.

First of all, when one knows different region's works, it will help one to get a friend much easier. For example, I worked in a large company, which has many different departments. I was in the Management Information System department. What we do every day is to solve the problem that our clients asked in the phone. While some of the problems are the Engineering department's part, I went there and discussed with the colleagues there, since I have studied some of the engineering courses. It is much easier for us to contact than any other person in my department, which made me popular there, and much easier to get the help that I need.

Second, when you want to translate your major, it is important to know some of the things about different fields. Take my cousin Jeff and his friend as an example. They majored in financing when they were in college. But, they decided to enroll in the art system after graduated. Thanks to Jeff's hard working during his leisure time, he learned a lot about the history of art. Things ended up that he joined in a great team, while his friend who only knew financing issues can do nothing but worked in a bank.

Although I agree with the idea that knowing different fields is important. I think I still have to point out that there are some different points of view. People who hold different opinion may argue that if one can't success one's own major, what else things he can do in different filed. Of course, it may be true when talking about this topic. However, what if one finally find out him or her has the talent in other filed. In this way, it won't be a problem at all.

In conclusion, given the reasons described above, when the advantages and disadvantages of whether having the knowledge in different fields is better or not are carefully compared. The best choice is obviously stand on my side, which is that a broad knowledge of different subjects is really important.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] the portrait of Jane Austen; Integrated Writing [2]

Need everyone's help! I am going to have the test on September,1.
I am sorry that it may need you more time to read my essay.
With the experience last time, I put the reading passage and the lecture's script below.
Thanks for any advise!!! =)

<Reading>
Jane Austen (1775-1817) is one of the most famous of all English novelists, and today her novels are more popular than ever, with several recently adapted as Hollywood movies. But we do not have many records of what she looked like. For a long time, the only accepted image of Austen was an amateur sketch of an adult Austen made by her sister Cassandra. However recently a professionally painted, full-length portrait of a teenage girl owned by a member of the Austen family has come up for sale. Although the professional painting is not titled Jane Austen, there are good reasons to believe she is the subject.

First, in 1882, several decades after Austen's death, Austen's family gave permission to use the portrait as an illustration in an edition of her letters. Austen's family clearly recognized it as a portrait of the author. So, for over a century now, the Austen family itself has endorsed the claim that the girl in the portrait is Jane Austen.

Second, the face in the portrait clearly resembles the one in Cassandra's sketch, which we know depicts Austen. Though somewhat amateurish, the sketch communicates definite details about Austen's face. Even though the Cassandra sketch is of an adult Jane Austen, the features are still similar to those of the teenage girl in the painting. The eyebrows, nose, mouth, and overall shape of the face are very much like those in the full-length portrait.

Third, although the painting is unsigned and undated, there is evidence that it was painted when Austen was a teenager. The style links it to Ozias Humphrey, a society portrait painter who was the kind of professional the wealthy Austen family would hire. Humphrey was active in the late 1780s and early 1790s, exactly the period when Jane Austen was the age of the girl in the painting.

<Listening>
Professor:
The evidence linking this portrait to Jane Austen is not at all convincing. Sure, the painting has long been somewhat loosely connected to Austen's extended family and their descendents, but this hardly proves it's a portrait of Jane Austen as a teenager. The reading's arguments that the portrait is of Austen are questionable at best.

First, when the portrait was authorized for use in the 1882 publication of her letters, Jane Austen had been dead for almost 70 years. So the family members who asserted that the painting was Jane had never actually seen her themselves. They couldn't have known for certain if the portrait was of Austen or not.

Second, the portrait could very well be that of a relative of Austen's, a fact that would explain the resemblance between its subject and that of Cassandra's sketch. The extended Austen family was very large and many of Jane Austen's female cousins were teenagers in the relevant period or had children who were teenagers. And some of these teenage girls could have resembled Jane Austen. In fact, many experts believe that the true subject of the portrait was one of those relatives, Marianne Kempian, who was a distant niece of Austen's. Third, the painting has been attributed to Humphrey only because of the style. But other evidence points to a later date. A stamp on the back of the picture indicates that the blank canvas, you know the actual piece of cloth on which the picture was painted, was sold by a man named William Legg. Record showed that William Legg did not sell canvases in London when Jane Austen was a teenager. He only started selling canvases when she was 27 years old. So it looks like the canvas was used for the painting at a time when Austen was clearly older than the girl in the portrait.

<Writing>
In the set of materials, both the reading passage and the lecture are discussing about whether the woman in the portrait is Jane Austen or not. In fact, what is said in the lecturer challenges what is stated in the reading. So, the lecturer gives three firm reasons to oppose the arguments of the reading passage.

The first reason is associated with the permission of Jane Austen's family. It is shown in the reading passage that her descendants gave the permission of using the portrait as an edition of her letters few decades after Austen's death. However, the lecturer purposes that the thing happened seventy years after Austen's death, which means that the one who gave the permission had never see her before.

The second reason involves how the woman in the portrait looks like Austen. The statement held by the writer claims that it looks like Cassandra's sketch. Cassandra is the one who used to depict Austen. In contrast, it is argued in the listening part. And the lecturer gives an example that since she had a big family, she must have a lot of female cousins who are teenagers at that time and look resemble her, too.

The third reason involves the age of the portrait. While the reading passage indicates that the painting was painted at the time when Austen was a teenager. The lecturer points out that the reason why the reading passage stated that is only because if the painting style. In order to build a solid and concrete statement, the lecturer convinces us by offering the reasoning that when we look at the stamp on the portrait, the one who sold it had not sale things there until Austen was twenty seven years old. So, if the woman on the portrait was Austen she must look older than it is now.

In conclusion, at first glance, the argument in the reading passage seems somewhat convincing. However, based on the evidences that the lecturer provided, the lecturer refutes the points made in the reading part.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Do you agree that telephones play more effective role than television? [3]

I am not sure if I can use cell phone to compete with TV in this topic????
Needs everyone's help !! Thank you =)

Do you agree that telephones are playing a more effective role than television in people's life?

Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue that whether a telephone plays a more effective role than television or not. Some people believe that with the technology improvement a telephone can be more effective than television, while others think that a television can help them spend the time. Both of the opposite arguments appear to be somewhat convincing and stand to reason. As far as I am concerned, I agree with the idea, which is that a telephone is more effective than a television now.

First of all, with the raising of the cell phone use rate, it is more convenient to connect with other person on a phone, and that is what a television can't do. In addition, since a television is a machine that you use for your free time, I believed that one can live without a television, but not a phone. For example, when your work place needs to find you, they will connect with you by the phone, not by a television.

Second, a cell phone has a lot of different abilities besides making a phone call. Nowadays, most people have a smart phone. We can use it to play a game, listen to the music, and even watch a movie. Those things are only accepted by a phone, not a TV. For example, if I am in a station waiting for a bus, I can watch a movie on the phone and wait, which make me feel the time pass more quickly. In contrast, I can't hold a TV with me to anywhere. So, the portable of the phone is another advantage.

Although, I agree with the idea that phones are more usable, I think I still have to point out that there are some different points of view. People hold different opinion may argue that with the small screen of the phone, it will easily hurt one's eyes. Of course, it may be true when you keep using the phone for a long time. However, when the users themselves learn how to control their time and not to use it continuously, it won't be a problem at all.

In conclusion, given the reasons described above, when the advantages and disadvantages between a phone and a television are carefully compared, the best choice is obviously stand on my side, which is that a phone is more effective that television in people's life

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Successful people try new things; Do you agree? [4]

Thank you for the reading. =)
Need everyone's help to improve my writing skills because I am having the test soon!!!!!

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Successful people try new things and take risks rather than only doing what they know how to do well. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue of whether successful people are willing to try new things than doing what they already known. Some people believe that since the world is changing, people have to find a way to fit in, while others think that doing things that one don't know may lead a disaster. Both of the opposite arguments appear to be somewhat convincing and stand to reason. But as far as I am concerned, I agree with the former idea, which is that people who are successful always trying something different from what they knew. The following reasons will present my points.

First of all, a region differs from what one used to may lead success. Take the CEO of a China cell phone company, Bill, for example. He was barely an engineer in a traditional technology company before. Once, he found the raise of the smart phone's market, he quit his job. Then, start a company which emphasis on the smart phones, which are user friendly. With those high level phone' company around, like Apple, Samsung, and so on. He decided to aim on the lower price market, which leads him succeed.

Second, when one devoted himself to a thing, it has a highly chance that the thing can be done well. For example, Jay Chou, a singer. His songs are really fantastic, which lead to his success. However, he didn't stop. He start his dream from being an actor to a director, he made a movie names, secret, and promoted it to other countries. After a while, his fame spread to the Hollywood, which earned him a chance to play a role in "The Green Hornet".

Although, I agree with the idea that successful people always try something new than stay at the same place. I think I still have to point out that there are some different points of view. People who hold different opinion may argue that one can do well on a particular region may fall in another one. Of course, it may be true when we take Sony's new smart phone series as an example. However, if the company had found out the change of the user's habit earlier, things are likely that there smart phones will continuously having the popularity like the old one. In this way, this won't be a problem at all.

In conclusion, given the reasons described above, when the advantages and disadvantages of whether successful people try new things than only doing what they know are carefully compared, the best choice is obviously stand on my side, which is that successful people always try something new to them.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Deal with the cane toad; Integrated Writing Task [3]

Can somebody help me with this article, please ????
This is an " Integeated Writing ". But, I don't know how to show the topic of this task since it needs both reading passage and listening part.

So, I simply put my writing here.

In this set of materials, both the reading passage and the lecture are discussing about the population of the cane toad, which is too large and even threaten other small native animals. In fact, what is said in the listening challenges what is stated in the reading. So, the lecturer offers the following three firm reasons to oppose the argument of the reading passage.

The first reason is associated with building a national fence. It is shown in the reading passage that a fence can be used to prevent the cane toad from spreading to other area. However, the lecturer proposes that at some point the young ones and eggs still can flow from one place to another, and she also provides that once the eggs flow out, they will spread to other regions rapidly.

The second reason involves capturing and destroying them by volunteers. The statement held by the writer claims that the number of the cane toad can be easily reduce with the volunteers help. In contrast, it is argued in the listening passage that some untrained volunteers may be harmful to the environment. The lecturer casts doubts upon the reading passage and gives the truth that the original frog looks like the cane toad, especially when they are eggs. In this case, those untrained volunteers may hit the wrong target.

The third reason involves virus. While the passage indicates that the researchers are trying to find out some virus to lower the population of the cane toad, the lecturer points out that virus may also have some bad influence on other original animals. In order to establish a solid and concrete statement, the lecturer convinces us by offering the reasoning that a virus can not only destroy the circle of the environment there but also cause an ecological disaster.

In conclusion, at first glance, the argument in the reading passage seems to be somewhat convincing. However, based on the evidences that the lecturer provided, the lecturer refutes the points made in readings.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] The car use will definitely decrease in twenty years [4]

Need everyone's help to improve my writing skills. Thank you for the reading. =)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? In twenty years there will be fewer cars in use than there are today. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue of whether cars will be less than there are today in twenty years or not. Some people believe that since the environmental concern has risen, the car use will decrease. While others think that a personal car is important for ones daily life. Both of the opposite arguments appear to be somewhat convincing and stand to reason. But as far as I am concerned, I agree with the idea, which is that there will be a decrease in cars use in the future. The following reasons will present my points.

First of all, since the public transportation has improved, it is much convenience to take a subway or a bus. For example, I live in a city which always have a jam in the morning and doesn't have enough parking lots for the cars. So, with the stations increased people are willing to take a public transportation than drive on their own.

Second, a driving car can make a lot of different pollutions to the world. So, with the risen of the aware to the environment, people will think more about whether to drive on their own or not. For example, instead of driving each one's car, if we put forty people in a bus, it will solve the traffic jam by decrease the cars use and also reduce the air pollution for the city.

Although, I am agree with the idea that reducing of the car use will be achieve in twenty years. I think I still have to point out that there are some different points of view. People who hold different opinion may argue that a personal car uses is in need because a public transportation can't meet every place. Of course, it may be true when you want to go to some countryside or some other inconvenience places. However, no matter you are going to somewhere for a trip or you just simply live in some suburbs and so on, it always have some other ways that you can do, you can ride a bike, or even walk on your feet. It not only helps you to reduce the car use, but also good to your health. In this way, this won't be a problem at all.

In conclusion, given the reasons described above, when the advantages and disadvantages of whether there will be fewer cars in use in twenty years or not are carefully compared, the best choice is obviously stand on my side, which is that the car use will definitely decrease in twenty years.

Writing Feedback / [TOEFL] Parents can help their children's life by asking them to take a job or not [7]

Needs everyone's feedback to grown up. Thanks for your reply. =)

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?
One of the best ways that parents can help their teenage children prepare for adult life is to encourage them to take a part-time job.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

A topic of discussion at hand is whether parents can help their teenage children prepare adult life by encouraging them to get a part-time job or not. The answer to this question can vary greatly depending on the individual perspectives. But as far as I am concerned, I agree with the idea. The following reasons will present my standpoints.

First of all, I think a teenagers can somewhat learn out school experiences from the part-time job whether the job is connected to ones major or not. For example, Jeff, my cousin. He loves music, so he chose to take a part-time job in a music studio. During the time he worked there, he learned some professional knowledge about music. And, he also learned to play guitar and keyboard there. Things turned out that he got a job in a famous company of music factory. When it comes to my friend, Jess, it is more clear that when you get a part-time job which is connected with your major, it helps a lot more. Jess had a job as a show girl in the exhibition. At first, she did the things the same with others, promoting the products and taking pictures with the guys, and so on. Once, when a potential buyer was asking some question about the notebooks. She used her knowledge that she learned from school and convince the customer to buy the product. The manager found out her strength, and offered her a internship at the end of the exhibition.

Second, no matter what kind of part-time job you take, it definitely helps in your future when you need to deal with people. Of course, the first thing you have to do is learning how to do the things right. However, the more difficult parts are how to cope with your colleague and how to make the customer satisfy. Take myself as an example, to complete the goal, I met a lot of difficulties during my part-time in a sales department. I got in a fight with my partners because of the products which we sold in different price, and I was sued by a customer to the manager because I am not that polite. Nevertheless, after those things I found myself grow up, and be stronger when some unexpected things happen. I get more ease when I meet some unfair things, too.

Although, I am agree with the idea that the parents should encourage their children to take a part-time. I think I still have to point out that there is some different points of view. People who hold different opinion may argue that students school grades can be descended by the part-time job. Of course, it may be true when taking students school scores into consideration. But, if the parents discuss with their children, and make a better plan to achieve the balance between the school and part-time job. This won't be a problem at all.

In conclusion, given the reasons described above, when the merits and demerits of whether the parents encouragement of taking a job during school times is good to children or not are carefully compared, the best choice is obviously stand on my side, which is that it is good for children's adult life.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Children should learn to manage their own money; views differ considerably [6]

Views differ considerably when it comes to the issue of children should learn to manage their own money at young age or not. Some people believe that learn to manage their own money when they are little is an important thing. While others think that there are so many different things means more to the children than managing the money. Both of the opposite arguments appear to be somewhat convincing and stand to reason. But my personal experience and actual observations of life have led me to conclude that children should learn to manage money at young age. The following are reasons why I agree with the idea.

First of all, once you see the stuff that you really like, if you manage your own money well, it is more likely that you would have extra money to buy the things you want. Take myself as an example, I used to save a part of my money in case. While my old brother, who has totally different views of managing money from me. He always spends all of the money on his hand. One day, when we were shopping, my brother saw a jacket that he really likes, but it costs a lot. Since he didn't have enough money, we discuss it for a while. Then, I lend some to him. This lesson taught us that with some extra money around could give us more convenience.

Second, when it comes to some serious problem, this time I found out how important managing money is. One day, my family suffers a big financial problem, and my parents need some money to cover the hole. At that moment I am so glad that I have the habit of saving some money and having some stocks. So, I sold some of the stocks and the founds plus some cash. And lend it all to my parents to help them to cover the difficulty. While my brother could do nothing but some helpless works.

In conclusion, given the reasons described above, when the advantages and disadvantages of managing money are carefully compared, the most striking views is obvious. It may be safe to arrive the conclusion that learn to manage your money at young age is important.