Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Prevention is better than cure. Agree or not? 'materialistic diversion' [9]

Topic: Out of a country's health budget, a large proportion should be diverted from treatment to spending on health education and preventative measures.
To what extent do you agree or disagreee with this statement?

There has always been a saying in medicine: "Prevention is better than cure". This statement has raised a question whether the government should allocate a large sum out of the national health budget to educating and phasing in health-protected measures. In my opinion, this plan should be put into practice for the two reasons mentioned accordingly.

No one can argue the importance to include health lessons in school programmes, especially at primary level, in the hope of raising people's awareness. Children should be taught about balanced diets, nutritious food as well as harmful ones, thereby they will have a fundamental grasp of how to lead a healthy lifestyle. What is more, it is much easier for people at early ages to form a habit of, for instance, not consuming too much fast food, over-fried food or intoxicants.

In addition, it will be of economic benefit to pre-empt certain kinds of diseases. Needless to say, such unpreventable illnesses as cancer or HIV will cost the victim a fortune, not to cure, but to lengthen his longevity for 1 or 2 more years. Similarly, if humans tend to keep fit more regularly by participating in outdoor activities or using health-care product, obesity, myopia or other diseases that require expensive treatments will never stand a chance.

To sum up, I have to concede to the materialistic diversion from treatment to health education and preventative measures. This will yield positive results on not only the people's physical and mental development but also their finance.

Could you guys please review my essay? By the way can you help me replace some words like "disease", "health", "measure", "expensive" because I find them repeated too much and not academic enough? Thanks a lot for your help :)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] University education restriction. Just for best students? Agree or not? [2]

Topic: University education should be restricted to the very besst academic students, rather than being available to a large proportion of young people.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Universtiy is an entrance to life. It equips us with a package of wisdom and virtue to succeed. It is the importance of university that raises a question whether students with best scholastic performance deserve university study or just any young wishful people. Both sides are to be discussed before a conclusion is reached.

To begin with, outstanding academic students are eligible for university due to their intellectual advantage. To be precise, such abstract or complicated informatin, easily absorbed by those students, may prove as a matter of pressure for those who lack equivalent skills. Besides, it is undeniable that one deserves what he has done. University is like a gift presented to those who have gone to great length to attain.

However, university is not just about academic studies but also a place to nurture artistic talent and develop soft skills. Therefore, it should be up for grabs for a majority of young people, who wish to pursue their passion as well as develop comprehensively.

What is more, there is a tendency for social vices to rise if university is to be restricted to only the best people. Apart from the disheartened ones, many devoiding of neccessary preparations are likely to be recipes for failure when applying for jobs, mostly the white-collar ones.

In conclusion, university restriction has both pros and cons. In my opinion, it will yield more negative results than positive ones. That's why it should be made available for a wide range of learners.

Could you guys review my essay? I feel this one is not as good as the previous. If able, will you please replace some of the repeated words in my essay: "university", "skills", "students"

"may prove as a matter of pressure for those who lack equivalent skills" how can you rephrase this, cuz I find it a little not academic ??

Thank you guys a lot!

Writing Feedback / [IELTS TASK 2] Children's engagement in paid work. Right or wrong? [11]

Topic:In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work. Some people regard this as completely wrong, while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

What are your opinion on this?

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Apart from those who are born with silver spoons in their mouth, there are many children who commit to paid jobs at an early age. While some people hold firmly to the belief that it is to the benefit of the children as they accumulate experience and lifetime lessons throughout working process, I profoundly disagree with this fact for specific reasons.

One can not argue certain advantages that early working brings about. By getting access to money through hard work, children will soon develop their materialistic appreciation, hence they will know how to pay properly. For example, they will refrain from buying, or asking parents, to buy such expensive toys or clothes. Moreover, being exposed to competitive environment, youngsters are provided with a golden opportunity to extend social relationships as well as being far more mature than those of the same age.

Nevertheless, letting or forcing children to work should be considered as morally wrong. Apparently, children deserve a peaceful childhood; a day consists of studying, playing with friends, eating and sleeping. Under no circumstances, personally, are children allowed to make a living, which will exert severe pressure as well as hinder their physical developments and scholastic performances.

Moreover, children are susceptible to social danger due to their vulnerability. They might get kidnapped, prosituted or cruelly punished during work. Those brutality may ingrain traumatic obsessions in their mind as they grow up.

All in all, working under payment has its pros and cons. However, from my personal view, it may yield more negative than positive results on children, which indicates that they should postphone working for cash until fully mature.

Hi everyone! Can you review, and rate (if possible) this essay for me? Welcome all comments and suggests :) Thanks a lot :D

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Increased taxation on petrol and diesel fuel to discourage private cars? [12]

higher fuel and petrol cost

Topic: The burning of oil for transportation, especially in private cars, is wasteful and environmentally irresponsible. Taxation on petrol and diesel fuel should be increased to very high levels to discourage the use of private cars.

To what extent would you support or reject this idea?
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There is no doubt our life has had a change for the better since cars were introduced. However, cars themselves, especially private ones, have exerted severe pressure on the environment and economy for wasteful oil consumption. While many believe that petrol and diesel fuel should be charged with the highest taxation, I strongly disagree with this notion.

One can not deny the fact that if petrol and fuel taxation are raised, people might hesitate choosing a personal automobile. Taxation may have tackled the environmental issue simply by diverting people to public transportations such as trains, buses or ferries. Additionally, for those who have already afforded a car, there is a likelihood it is restraint from usage on long journeys or to crowded cities.

However, taxation on flamable resources might backfire by conducing to inflation. To be precise, the more costly petrol is, the higher the price of necessary product: rice, meat or even vegetable. Consequently, people have to turn to cheaper alternatives, which might cause the abundance in goods and later on, economic crisis.

Another point that should be taken into account is countries that import oil will be more dependent on the exporters, both politically and financially. Suppose that the those countries cut down on its oil support, other nations will have to pay more as well as release beneficial policies for them. America, for example, has recently drawn its intervention in Russian crisis only due to the influx of oil.

To summarize, higher fuel and petrol cost has its own pros and cons. However, it disadvantages may outweigh its advantages with regard to economic and politic issues, making it advisable to seek another options to reduce the use of personal cars.

Experts :) Could you guys review this essay for me :) Thanks a lot :)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] A large factory built near community. Pros and cons? Your position? [6]

Topic: A company has announced, that it wishes to build a large factory, near your community. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this new influence on your community. Do you support or oppose the factory? Explain your position?

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There is no doubt constructing a large firm has certain impacts on the adjacent residential areas. This essay will discuss both sides of the coin before a personal opinion is announced.

To begin with, the community may benefit from improved living standard once the factory is built. People are provided with paid jobs, which reduce the unemployment rate and contribute to the regional economy. Moreover, there might be a significant decline in social vices, caused by poverty and famine, which liberate the society from being weighed down.

However, it is believed that the appearance of a factory may pose a threat to the surrounding environment. There has been reported many cases when the factories dispose of untreated affluent onto nearby rivers, which subsequently lead to massive ecological destructions, especially in marine life. Not to mention that a tremendous area of land, consisting of a diversity of fauna and flora, might later on be turned into a clearing for the firm's foundation.

Another disadvantage worth discussion is the direct effects our life is likely to undergo if a firm is built up. Undoubtedly, the construction will leave its footprint in the form of dust, smoke and ashes; three detrimental factors to our respiratiory systems. Also, the residents are prone to be at the receiving end of agitating noise, released by operating machines and human's orders.

Everything considered, a factory is of considerable materialistic value to the regional commerce. But, it may not lend itself near a community so long as environmental and health issues are to be concerned. Therefore, from my personal view, such industry should not be located next to communal areas.

Hi everyone! Can you guys review this essay for me? I would really appreciate if you point out my mistakes and rate my writing :) Thanks a lot!

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] Technology helps student learn more information and learn more quickly? [7]

Topic: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? With the help of technology, students nowadays can learn more information and learn it more quickly. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

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Nowadays, technology plays an indispensable role in almost all spheres of life. In education, it is believed that technology help the students improve their scholastic performances. From my viewpoint, the richness as well as convenience of technology are two main factors that contribute to the students' progress.

To start with, since technology was introduced, student have been exposed to a wide range of information, which neccessarily broaden their minds. The internet, for example, provide knowledge in the form of news, radio talks, tapes or reseachs on any particular fields. There, the students can not only ascertain concerned subjects but they can also get access to relevant issues and discuss with people worldwide.

Another point that students may benefit from technology is the shortened time for learning. The modern world provides learners with the mp3, the mobile phone or the laptop that help them, especially language learners, listen to recordings everywhre or read documents anytime. Therefore, students will develop their skills at a greater pace. Moreover, the internet again, is an inexhaustible resource of visual aids, such as educational games, sounds or images with which students may absorb abstract concepts taught at school more briskly and thoroughly.

On balance, I have to consent to the use of technology in education, as it expedites data availability and accelarates students' learning process. It is highly recommended that apart from education, technology should be applied in every aspect of life which assures of a better future.

Hello everyone :) Can you review my essays and rate (if possible)? Welcome every comment or suggestion :) Thanks a lot :)

Writing Feedback / [IELTS] The two approaches to life: change or unchange? Personal preference? [5]

Topic: Some people enjoy change and they look forward to new experiences. Others like their lives to stay the same, and they do not change their usual habits. Compare these two approaches to life. Which approach do you prefer? Why?

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Human's greatest fear lies in anonymity. While many people, due to this fear, refuse to change their daily routines, a variety of the others enjoy new experiences in their life. Both of the two atttitudes towards life need comparison regarding experience and progress before a personal opinion is announced.

As long as knowledge is concerned, people who want to change are at a distinct advantage. To be precise, acclimatizing the new environment means that you have to use up different unfamiliar skills or learn to absorb them, which conduce to your comprehension. For example, a man who quit his current job as a teacher and turn to an actor may later on exploit his hidden talent and succeed. Meanwhile, people who remain their life unchanged can never get access to self-discovery or new skills which are less all-rounded than someone who changes his jobs so often.

In addition, progress should be regarded as a criteria to assess the two approaches to life. Clearly seen, unless someone is broad-minded enough to adapt to social changes, he may fall behind or gradually set himself aside from the world. The elderly, for instance, have proven to be incompetent at work compared to younger generation, as they turn down to take in high-tech skills or using modern equipment. Therefore, getting on well with changes may provide us with golden opportunities of promotion and intergration.

Everything considered, a changeable lifestyle is preferably good for everyone as it drives us beyond horizon and temporary position. From my personal viewpoint, I would lvoe to change my life for the aforementioned benefits.

Expert :) Please review this essay for me :) I find this one quite problematic and hope you can point out for me :)