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Posts by hayaalqasem [Suspended]
Name: hayaalqasem
Joined: Jul 29, 2015
Last Post: Nov 25, 2015
Threads: 9
Posts: 17  
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From: Palestina
School: birzeit

Displayed posts: 26
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hayaalqasem   
Nov 25, 2015
Writing Feedback / The scientists continually make an endeavour to achieve a life in outer space. [3]

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than national effort.

your essay is good but I have some notes
it's better to divide your essay to introduction ,two paragraphs which explain the introduction,conclusion which summarize
for example
second paragraph :it is not suitable to begin with "Furthermore", you should start with the topic sentence in this paragraph
hayaalqasem   
Oct 24, 2015
Writing Feedback / Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society [3]

Write about the following topic:
It is becoming more and more difficult to escape the influence of the media on our lives.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living in a media rich society.(IELTS-Academic)
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Write at least 250 words.
Media is a two-sided sword. It has a huge effect on human's life in all arenas. These effects include advantages and disadvantages.

Media is beneficial to societies and individuals. The most crucial benefit is providing information and knowledge about local and abroad news. For example, watching Television informs individuals about political events such as conflicts, wars , and economic data such as currencies, prices of precious metals or stocks. In addition , it aware people about dangers and give them health instructions to save their life. Moreover, Media can be an important tool for all sectors of society: disadvantaged and poor people, politicians and officials, merchants and investors, teachers and students when It gives them an opportunity to express their opinions and interests. For example, In Jordan many women killed because of what is so-called "honor killing" but women' rights societies succeeded in establishing a law to punish those criminals by highlight on this dangerous issue through Media in 2012.

On the other hand, media can be source of lies , rumors, and falsification the truth. For example, media depict the fighters for freedom in Iraq as terrorists. In addition, commercials and advertisements influence on individuals to purchase specific products although these products are harmful for their health such as Coca cola or Nescafe . These companies have a domination on different types of media in our lives.

In conclusion, despite the fact that media is a significant tool in our lives, It can be beneficial and detrimental. Thus people must be warn of it.
hayaalqasem   
Oct 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / Seizing opportunities in life is usually tantamount to risk taking [2]

Hi
your essay is good but I have some notes
Life is full of challenges and offers successful people many new opportunities. While many people are sluggish and indolent, attentive people are waiting for any opportunity to grab it and become successful.

I would like to rephrase the introduction:
Life is full of challenges and opportunities. While many people are sluggish and indolent, successful people wait for any opportunity to grab it.
second paragraph
One definition of success is the state of satisfaction, as satisfaction happens when people achieve their goals in life.
I don't understand what is the relation between satisfaction and success.
in my opinion if you have satisfaction there will not be new dreams or ambitions
third paragraph is excellent
last note is you used" taking risk , succeed" words many times. it is better to diversify and use alternatives words
you can use risk,adventure, run risk,
you can use succeed achieve ,attain, accomplish ,fulfill, triumph
good luck
hayaalqasem   
Sep 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued -IELTS [3]

Hi vangiespen
Thank you for your notes
In my opinion it is right that actors put their lives online to gain sums of money ,but teachers and doctors also spent their lives in studying and they continue studying and researching for tens of years or all long of lives to offer the best for their community, because every day there must be new things to learn and practice and they also leave their family to achieve their goals in promoting their societies and they serve all sectors of community while actors interested in gaining money and in being famous although they amuse the individuals by films are directed and managed by people who want to convey their specified messages and opinions about several issues. that related to political or economical interests.
hayaalqasem   
Sep 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued -IELTS [3]

Some people feel that certain workers like nurses, doctors and teachers are undervalued and should be paid more, especially when other people like film actors or company bosses are paid huge sums of money that are out of proportion to the importance of the work that they do.

-How far do you agree?
-What criteria should be used to decide how much people are paid?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.Write at least 250 words.


Each individual works to increase his income and to attain prosperous life. This income differs from one job to another due to different factors that related to the status of economy and people's views of importance of this job. Some people claim that doctors and teachers must receive high salaries ,while the others see that depends on everybody diligence and ability to have high income. In my opinion I strongly agree with the opinion that employees of health and education sectors must have well-paid and high salaries . This due to the most important criteria, the development of society.

It is known that the crucial factors of advancing communities are health and education. For example, reduction in number of teachers increases the level of illiteracy , reduces the individuals' skills and abilities , thus the industries ,inventions and researches will diminish. In addition, the rising of doctors and nurses will lead to healthy body and mind for families that enhance them in all fields of life, otherwise serious diseases and social crises will spread. This embodies in some developing countries such as Egypt, Algeria and India who are suffering from unemployment, poorness, hunger, and moral devolution.

On the other hand, films actors just offer amusing and interesting shows that does not contribute dramatically in advancing the countries. Moreover, chairmen companies earn sums of money by exploiting country resources without offer evident benefits for people. Those people actors and bosses are received facilities from health and education employees. Thus, the latter are more efficient in society than the former.

In conclusion ,I believe that education and health are mainstay of life. As long as the workers of both sectors have an efficient role in society , they must be prioritized in supporting and raising income and salaries.
hayaalqasem   
Sep 28, 2015
Writing Feedback / Task 2 IELTS - Some organizations believe that their employees should dress smartly. [4]

hi
I would like to rewrite this paragraph
First, getting dressed in the working appearance has not to be luxurious or exaggerate, but it has to be suited with the environment where the employees work. This makes them become convenient and enjoy their job also they have a fashionable style.

First, it is unnecessary to be well-dressed but to wear what suits the environment of work. This makes their jobs enjoyable ,and they become convenient, meanwhile have a fashionable style.

I don't understand this sentence
Certainly they prioritize their appearance in front of their clients. This aim to order to they are able to interlace communication well.
I would like to rewrite This aim to increase their ability in communicating with customers.
Nevertheless, some member of staff reckon different way which they just think how to goal the target from their organization
some members
different ways
In conclusion, an appearance of the employees is prominent for their job-career while other people state that skills are the most useful to boost the performance.

you should express your opinion in conclusion
I would try that
In conclusion, I believe that an appearance is prominent in some jobs, while skills and perfect performance is a crucial factor in the others.
good luck
hayaalqasem   
Sep 18, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS - Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to information [5]

Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information.
Far from being beneficial , this is a danger to our societies.
What are your views?


Modern technology transformed our life through accessing information in all arenas. It let us getting knowledge, and data easily and rapidly in few seconds from different places over the world. This offer a question whether these huge pieces of information affect individual's life negatively . Some people consider this technology as an efficient tool to facilitate our daily life, while the other believe that it is can be source of dangers. In my view, this technology is two-face sword, we can benefit from it but with regulated restrictions.

As you roam your eyes everywhere you will see that technology is a crucial factor in different fields. For example, mobile phones give us the opportunity to communicate with other people all over the world, exchange personal pictures and massages, gossip talks, and send various types of digital files. In addition, technology enable the university students and professors to read thousands of electronic precious books and resources, to prepare their searches and theses and to apply distant learning. Moreover, most of trade companies and business men use video conference in meetings ,buy and sell online, process their own data and manipulate it through technological appliances such as laptops and I-pads. Undoubtedly ,this phenomena dominated our life.

On the other hand, we should look at negative side of technology. First, hackers succeed in stealing money from banks or individuals by accessing their accounts in websites. For example, a clever hacker stole $ 10,000 from my friend by getting the password of his account. Second, some criminals and terrorists use this technology in executing their crimes in societies such as killings, smuggling drugs and weapons, and kidnapping by social media websites. Finally, curious children and teenagers are susceptible to adverse effects in dealing with technology by contact with dangerous people or getting harmful information that related to sex, beauty or medicine. For example, I read a story about 16-year-old girl who drank herbal mixture that she got its constituents from internet to lose her weight, and unfortunately she died.

Despite the fact that there is a reasonable likelihood to encounter hazardous events from technology, that does not warrant dispense with it, otherwise, the governments must take concrete steps to protect individuals. First, set laws to regulate using technology and punish criminals and hackers strictly. Second, raise the awareness of people about the dangers of this modern tools. Finally, cooperate with civic organization and private sectors to develop the security and surveillance on their websites and digital devices.

In conclusion, I believe that although modern technology is dangerous but its advantages will exceed its negatives if we restrict and adjust accessing the information.
hayaalqasem   
Sep 18, 2015
Writing Feedback / CBEST: Experimentally grouped ungraded students by the level of achievements and not by age [3]

I want to give you note

that you repeated some words more than one time
for example you repeat concerned,group, frustration,classify, skills
you can use these alternatives
concerned, interested, take care of
frustrate, abolish,
frustration,disappointment
classify, divide
skills,abilities,
I think you should use diverse words
hayaalqasem   
Sep 12, 2015
Writing Feedback / Advantages of the music in secondary school - brain development and obtaining some necessary skills [3]

hi
my suggestion is fro this sentence

" Art education aids students in skills needed in the workplace: flexibility, the ability to solve the problems and communicate, the ability to learn new skills, to be creative and innovative, and to strive for excellence ".

The phrases must be start with same type of word. Here you started with nouns which are flexibility, the ability,the ability so you should continue with nouns

my suggestion is to change"to be creative and innovative, and to strive for excellence" to "the increasing creativity and innovation, striving for excellence"
hayaalqasem   
Sep 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Smoking should be banned in all public places, even though this will restrict some people's freedom [2]

IELTS- Academic essay

There is evidence that inhaling cigarette smoke causes health problems not only for smokers but for non-smokers who inhale other people's smoke.
In view of this, smoking should be banned in all public places, even though this will restrict some people's freedom of action.
What are your views?
Give reasons for your answers and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


Smoking is one of the most widespread habit in the world. It is an interesting practice for many smokers and profitable for companies and governments. The question is which is more important the health which damaged ,or money and gladness that gained by smoking?. Which is more crucial freedom of individual or community life? .In my view, health is an essential issue in our life not only for human but for all creatures. So I support the idea of prohibiting the smoking in public places for two reasons: protecting our health and saving money, and this exceeds the importance of freedom of practice.

First, smoking is dangerous for smokers and non- smokers which leads to plague of different diseases. For example, this habit bring about respiratory diseases, teeth and glum diseases, and impotence for men. In addition, the non-smokers such as people in the public places or children who live with smoking parents also will suffer from lung and allergic diseases. For example, my father smoked for more than 20 years, the result is I am experiencing from Asthma all my life. It is better to avert ourselves and our lovers smoking impacts.

Second, it is notable that smoking comprises 50% or more in family expenses in some countries such as Palestine and that is not reasonable for those who plan to have comfortable and prosperous life for their children. It is more feasible to spend this money on investment, health ,education, traveling and reading instead of smoking. Moreover, governments who gain taxes from smoking companies and factories must take into consideration that the increasing in government revenue from smoking means rising in aliment for dealing and treating with diseases and pollution that will plague the country.

In conclusion, in my opinion smoking must be restricted to avoid its deterioration on people and environment ,and that does not violate the freedom of individuals as long as it goes in favor of whole society.
hayaalqasem   
Sep 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Some people think that genetically modified (GM) crops are a positive development - IELTS task 2 [6]

you have very well essay
but I will give you note
there must be an introduction with at least with two sentences
I will add this sentence
Hunger is the most crucial issue in these days , so scientists and experts work hard to supply the food demand in the world.But It is arguable whether the advantages of genetically modified (GM) crops outweigh the disadvantages.
hayaalqasem   
Aug 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / Transport by a train, airplane, underground, coach, bicycle, motorcycle, etc. should be encouraged [4]

IELTS essay
The first car appeared on British road in 1888. By the year 2000 there may be as many as 29 million vehicles on British roads.
Alternatives forms of transport should be encouraged and international laws introduced to control car ownership and use.
To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience or knowledge.

...
The private cars or vehicles are widespread all over the world. That is notable in developed countries such as the United of Kingdom where more than 30 million cars appeared during about 100 years. It seems to me that the idea of regulating the ownership of private cars are excellent for three main reasons.

First, although some people may disagree to legalize the number of cars walked in British country for comfortable uses , I hold the opposite opinion due to adverse effects on our environment which composes of air, land and water. As long as the number of cars increases, the pollution will spread every where to cause severe deterioration. For example: the emissions of cars produce the carbon dioxide which causes respiratory system diseases for many people and kills different kinds of wild animals. In addition, the wastes of old car or its constituents like tires which thrown and buried in land contaminate the natural sources of the country. So this is an inevitable way of polluting the sources of life on Earth which surpass the benefits of using private cars for individuals or small families.

To begin with the second reason that regarding an evident problem "The traffic congestion". For example, Hong Kong suffering this phenomenon due to population explosion there. If the government does not follow serious efforts to restrict property of private cars that will bring accidents, terrific congestion and wasting of times in all aspects. For example, workers students and doctors, or other companies in all sectors will be susceptible to adverse impacts on their performance and efficiency. The government must constrain the using of cars to reduce this phenomenon.

Finally, nowadays there are alternatives types of transport which are cheap, comfortable and speedy such as airplane, train, underground, coach, bicycle, and motorcycle ,etc. For example in India many small families use bicycles and motorcycle to get their destination. Another example in Japan built the most technological train in the world that transfer people among cities in few seconds and offer comfortable and prosperous services for travelers.

In conclusion, in my opinion there is no reasonable argues that warrant using private cars. The government must support the Transport sector and compel individuals to use it in their daily life. The human being should take upon the responsibility of saving our planet and creatures.
hayaalqasem   
Aug 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Age limit for retirement is 50 in some countires and 65 to 70 in others [4]

notes

in the introduction you should express your opinion by using some expression for example It seems to me that, In my opinion, in my view,

in the conclusion : you should use for example To conclude, in conclusion, To sum up

the essay is well written but you should divide it in to introduction paragraph one, paragraph 2, then conclusion
hayaalqasem   
Aug 29, 2015
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 : The problem of over using internet [5]

The internet has converted the method data shared and consumed, but it also triggers problems that did not exist before. So I will suggest what are most crucial problem and how to solve it.

This is my suggesting for introduction
Internet caused a breakthrough in all fields of life ,despite the fact that it has negatives effects in some aspects that relates to human's health and social life.

Fist, regarding the health the internet cause severe diseases for computer users body who staying for long hours in front of computer screen. For example, it brings diabetes, eyes dry, weak backbones and obesity.

second, the internet decrease the communication between the internet users and their family. It cause loneliness, and depression due to addicting the electronic games, social media, and browsing diverse websites instead of take care of their children, or spending time with their friends by exchanging gossips or talks with them. Thus, that might leads to psychological diseases such as schizophrenia or Autism especially for children.
hayaalqasem   
Aug 22, 2015
Writing Feedback / Family and society must regulate and manage children's computers usage to avoid negative impact. [4]

Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.

Do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children.(IELTS EXAM)


Nowadays, majority of children use computers for amusement. Some of people consider that as one way to enjoy their children while the other try to avert them the negative effects of long hours using of this machine. I partially agree with speaker's opinion because that depends on how the family manipulates this issue.

First, accessing computers is an efficient way to let our children amusing themselves instead of playing with rude friends or acquaintances in their neighborhood. For example, I live in rural place in Palestine where there are some of an impolite children that hurt and influence my children negatively. In addition, staying at home facilitates supervising those children by their parents. For example, as I am work woman when I returned home I do all household chores calmly and peacefully while my child playing computer games. Finally, the most important advantage that children gain from this machine is educating themselves by using divers office programs on computer such as word processing for printing , Exel for accounting and Internet to browse or surf different websites for searching. Thus this is an inevitable method to waste their leisure time.

On the other hand, spending long hours in front of computers leads to serious deterioration such as chronic diseases and psychological dilemmas. For example, lack of movement for long hours causes obesity, diabetes and eye illnesses. Moreover, it decreases the social contact among children and other people. In my experience, my daughter became reluctant and nervous in dealing with me. Parents must be more cautious about this issue.

In conclusion, I believe that using computers by children is two- faced sword. So family and society must regulate and mange using of computers to avoid any future adverse effects on them and to gain benefits and advantages that support our children in their education.
hayaalqasem   
Aug 22, 2015
Writing Feedback / More experts migrate from developing to developed countries for better vacancies in technical fields [2]

Hi Hung
I think the introduction need some improvements
I will try to do that
Majority of qualified and skilled people migrate from developing countries to the developed ones to get better opportunities and income there. While I agree that human resources in developing countries are being stolen by developed countries, I believe that it is a natural migration of workers.

note2:
the second paragraph should not start with (on the other hand)
you should switch between the second paragraph and third one
and the second paragraph start with (First) or (regarding the natural movement)

with respect
hayaalqasem   
Aug 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / Books are more significant than experience, but we can't live apart from it. [4]

It has been said, "Not everything that is learned is contained in books."

Compare and contrast knowledge gained from experience with knowledge gained from books. In your opinion, which source is more important? Why? (IELTS Exam)
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience


Knowledge is multisource in our life. One of these sources are books the other source for Human beings is experience. It is clear that books are not the unique source of knowledge and recognition but they are the most important source.

First, books are inevitable an essential tool for learning because they actually elicit and conclude the experiences, efforts, stories, cultures and civilizations of peoples all over centuries in the world. For example, reading history books or novels give the human a huge pieces of information about social life in different countries over past times. Second, those books are authored and written by influential figures in societies such as scientists, researchers, scholars, and politicians in all arenas of life. Reading scientific or economic books for instance, increase your information about biology, physics or business that are based on searching results and precise criteria. As a result, these books can be source of laws and rules for government and officials to manage and administrate their societies in all aspects.

On the other hand, it is right the fact that human learns from his experience by participating in several situations in his lives that are not mentioned in books. However, this experience benefits and influence one person only ,who faced difficulties, struggled to achieve his dreams and attempted to change his life but not the other people. For example, if anyone set up a business and failed, he will not follow the same pattern in managing his work next time. Otherwise he will put a new plan by avoiding the mistakes he done first time. This undocumented event highlighted the personal situation of one person in economic status not the life of all people and not in all fields of knowledge.

In conclusion, books are an intrinsic source of knowledge and more significant than experience but that does not mean that we can live without or dispense with our daily brush.
hayaalqasem   
Aug 15, 2015
Writing Feedback / There's much social concern what are positive and negative economic results of globalization [2]

hi Haongle ACB
be attention to grammer
note 1:
What positive and negative economic results of globalization are has attracted much social concern.
the right is attracted or has attracted
others oppose this statement by indicating increase of economic inequality between countries has been mainly created by globalization.
note 2
the right is among . between used if there is two things for example : there is a conflict between Russia and America
but we say there is Conflict among Asian countries
note 3
note 3:
Eventually, this resolves unemployment, giving more income to local people
reduce or decrease
increase the income
hayaalqasem   
Aug 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Prefer changes or doing the same thing (academic essay for IELTS exam) [NEW]

some people prefer to spend their lives doing the same things and avoiding change.others however think that change is always a good thing. Discuss those both views and give your own opinion.

The change is an intrinsic phenomenon in our life. Some people tend to do new things while the other prefer constant pace of life.I fundamentally agree with those people who are fond of changeable life. In my opinion the changing is more beneficial for human beings because the human can not gain new knowledge with out development or experiencing transformation in our daily life. For example,If I live in the same flat all my life and work in the same company, I will feel bored ,disappointed, and lazy since there is no ambition or objectives to achieve.More over, recession will spread through all arenas of life such as economy,agriculture, technology, education and health. The more we change, the more we learn.The change is the result of our acumen to advance and to innovate to serve our society and our Universe.

On the other hand,those people who can not stand changing due to have a security manner and avoid adventure or dangerous events are inactive and unreal people.They can not prevent the world from changing despite that they keep themselves away from this phenomenon. For example, technology that appearing in different and precise equipment such as mobile ,I-phone ,I- pad and WiFi- network affect our life evidently every time all over the globe. This technology transformed our life forcibly in our relationships, work ,education,business, and in very deep details.

In conclusion, the changing is an inevitable and essential issue in the world. It has a positive or negative impact but no body can escape from this truth. We should be contemporary people and capable to receive and accept any change by promoting our skills , expanding our minds and struggling for gaining new knowledge ,thus we will have safe and truthful life.
hayaalqasem   
Aug 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Differences of Life between in the city and in the countryside [6]

Hi Samillijah
The first note is
Every member can often enjoy the family life after a hard working day on the fields.(it is better to say ) after hard working in their farms they can spend enjoyable time with their family.

the second note
I prefer to change this sentence
There are poor job opportunities in countryside. They annually work on their farmlands and live in poor condition since the infrastructure is not as good as that in the city

to
There are many unemployed people in rural areas because they fundamentally depend on their farms to gain living. In addition rural families live in hard conditions. For example there is no infrastructure for transportation or drainage, and there is no education or health facilities as qualified as cities.

the last note you say the verb (land) I don't know what do you mean. it is better to use (find)
On the contrary, people settling in the city can land many new jobs in the city because many companies are operating there
hayaalqasem   
Aug 8, 2015
Writing Feedback / Food; some parts of the world are suffering from lack of it, other complain about its quality [3]

Hi. Samilijah
I will give you some suggestions
first. the question is not clear in the title of this essay
second there must be introduction and conclusion
in the last paragraph it must be start with for example in conclusion, to sum up in summary etc,
in the introduction you should express your opinion by saying for example in my opinion,I believe
hayaalqasem   
Aug 1, 2015
Writing Feedback / Public figures should expect people interested in their privacy [2]

I strongly agree with the speaker's assertion. The popular figures should realize that they have to lose their private life. This is the fame tax.

All types of media interested in their social ,economic,love stories and information to gain economic benefits.For example: news paper and magazine, television and internet,and radio broadcast the daily life of politicians,actors,presenters and singers.That will increase the sales figures of publishers, and advertisements. we can take the story of last presidents of united states of America Bell Clinton with his love Monica in 1996. Their love story was widespread in the world. IT is considered as global issue being regarded the president of most powerful country.He suffered the comments from critics in the media, conflicts with government official and depressing in the relation with his family.This scandal affected Clinton's public and social life while the owners of media earn millions.

Although the fame achieve a wonderful and an amazing life for those famous figures, they must take into consideration the deterioration and implications of their deeds and behaviors in whole affairs. As politicians,officials or diplomat will be investigated by their government . While art stars will be under-controlled from their fans and audience.They are fond of daily details of social and economic events. For example:the singer Briny Huston was focused by her fans to inform how mush is her wealth, who married, how many children do she has,etc.In conclusion, my view is the prosperous and fascinating life of public figures is restricted by the circumstances ft the society and perspectives of people but that does not warrant the media to spread the gossip. They must be punished by government and regulate their publishing by rules that take in to account their feelings and privacy.