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Posts by nabila05
Name: Nabila Silmina Hakim
Joined: Apr 16, 2016
Last Post: Apr 28, 2016
Threads: 8
Posts: 12  
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From: Indonesia
School: Institut Teknologi Sepuluh November

Displayed posts: 20
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nabila05   
Apr 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is talent gifted or not? - IELTS Writing Task 2 [3]

It is generally believed that some people are born with certain talents, for instance for sport or music, and others are not. However, it is sometimes claimed that any child can be taught to become a good sports person or musician.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


Every person in this world has their own special intelligence. Some people probably good at art, sport, music or other abilities they have. It is often claimed that their abilities come after their parents. However, other people believe that ability could be taught intensively to a person to be a master in that skill. In this essay, these two arguments will be discussed.

Some people think that people were born with certain talents such as sport and art skills. It might be true since there is a biology theory about genetic that tells about similar character between parents and their children. For example, a father or mother who has good skill in music would have children with good skill in music as well. This opinion could be true since the influence of environmental condition of the children supports them to develop their skill. They would have good ability in music because they always see their father playing some music instruments, so it is formed in their brain.

Other people, however, believe that skills could be taught and improved even though people are not born with talents. They are able to learn some certain skills because they have a high determination and strong willingness to be good in that skill. They could learn from the youtube video, some books to practice, or going to a certain institution which is established with the purpose to train people in special skill.

In conclusion, every person has a certain ability such as in music, art, sport, etc. These skills do not always exist since people were born, but the main point is high determination and strong willingness to learn and improve those skills.

Words: 275
nabila05   
Apr 28, 2016
Writing Feedback / Estimation of the happiness ratings with regard to married and unmarried persons. [2]

Hi, Nida. There are some additional insights to your analysis.

- The bars chart illustrates
- unmarried people,
- in the US overamong all age group
- the happiness levels for married couple is
- Moreover, although whether couples

There you have it, Nida. I hope this corrections are useful and helpful in your revision. Keep writing :)
nabila05   
Apr 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Individuals can do nothing to change society [3]

Individuals can do nothing to change society. Any new developments can only be brought about by governments and large institutions. How far do you agree or disagree?

In the past history, a large number of changes and developments were brought about by big organizations, governments, and institutions. These actions led many people to believe that individuals are incapable of becoming agent of change among society . I believe that both individuals and governments have their own function to bring influences or changes to society.

First, looking back to history were almost most important matters solved by the organizations, governments, and institutions. In my opinion, it is understandable and natural due to they have great power to make policy or decision. For instance, when Indonesia was under the leadership of former President Soeharto, there was a large number of changes and developments especially economic development. He divided this economic development into three periods: economic recovery, rapid economic growth and increasing government intervention, export-led growth, and deregulation. Indeed, the economy grew rapidly and brought some improvements in its social development. Unfortunately, due to his dictatorial and authoritarian power, there were many people have become powerless, frustrated, and less respect to the government.

On the other hand, a revolution started by minor or poor people who were recognized to be powerless. For instance, many student activists among universities in Indonesia united to protect and ask for Soeharto resignation. The latest example is story about a young schoolgirl from Pakistan who stood up to the Taliban, Malala Yousafzai. She was shot in the head by Taliban due to her struggle against them to defend her right to an education.

In conclusion, I do not think that individuals are incapable of bringing influences and create changes among society. I personally believe that individuals, like governments and organizations, are also part of society. Therefore, both individuals and governments or organizations can do something to change society in their own role.
nabila05   
Apr 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The island is changed when the tourism construct some tourist facilities [3]

Hi, Wiwik. I would like to share some corrections in your essay.

- The map illustrates thatthe changes that have occurr ed
- of an areas emptythe empty areas
- with several major tourism places
- In addition to this ,
- in front of the beach. Also,, and also
- and beach in the an island.
- in the an island

There you have it Wiwik, I hope you are able to get a few useful modifications in the above remarks.
nabila05   
Apr 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Home is defined as house and family together. [3]

Hi Chetan, I would like to share additional insights on your essay.

- We br ought a three bedroom home
- because theythere are so many memories
- a roof over headoverhead
- describe to you about the area we live
- street lined up with trees
- My home is very spacious which consistsing
- My favorite one is the family room
- By the windows,
- We spent a lot of time
- important to us and havehas a lot

There you have it Chetan, I hope you are able to get a few useful modifications in the above remarks.
nabila05   
Apr 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / Our society has a growing trend of violent media which trigger people to act aggressively [4]

Violence in the media promote violence in society. To what extent do you agree?

The society in which we are living now has a growing trend of violent media which trigger people especially youth and children to act aggressively. Most of them even bring the hostility scene into real life. I personally believe that violence is increasingly serving as an integral factor of modern media and able to influence people being aggression.

Violence has multiple impacts and eventually lead to violent behavior on human psychology especially youth and children. They often choose to get guns and pistols in the form of toys after watching violence on media screen. Some young boys seek pleasure by copying this sort of crime scene in real life being impressed by heroes. For instance, a professor of Development Psychology at University Vasa Finland named Kaj Bjorkqvist conducted research about the negative impact of watching violent TV series on children. As a result, children who had just watched the violent movie were rated much higher on physical assault and other types of aggression. It can conclude that even watching a single exposure in serial televisions increases aggression in the immediate situation.

Moreover, movies also feature intense violence that really stays with the audience after the final credits rolling. These films use dark intensity, and sometimes the most primitive instincts of human, to grab people's attention and hypnotize them. There is an empirical evidence and academic research conducted by Princeton University which links the connection between film's content and the audiences' behavior. It is usual for action movies to expose many violent elements in their storylines such as bloody fights, explosions or barbaric act to attract more moviegoers. By watching such movie scene, people are influenced that violence, rather than peaceful negotiation, is the key to resolve the problem. In the long term effect, this phenomenon could possibly result in a society forming of aggressive members, which would disrupt any harmonious society.

To sum up, the violence in serial television and movie can impact audiences in a variety of ways. It also possibly leads to aggressive act which can disrupt society.
nabila05   
Apr 27, 2016
Writing Feedback / The existence of electronic media can decrease the quality of relationship between people. [4]

Hi Nida, I would like to share some insights on your essay by adding a few remarks for the first 2 paragraphs of the essay.

- is increaseing rapidly nowadays
- on a relationship between
- for people to communicatione
- distance is not an obstacle
- such as smart phonesmartphone

There you have it, Nida. I hope the corrections shared above help you in your essay revision
nabila05   
Apr 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is intelligence influenced by nature or learning? [5]

It is often debated whether intelligence is significantly influenced by a person's learning process or their genes. Some people think that intelligence is gifted to individuals while others argued that it is developed and formed through any variation ways. In my opinion, intelligence is a product of nurture as well as nature.

There is a common assumption among people that some individuals are born to be a genius because they believe that human's body is constructed according to instructions received from the genes that it has inherited from the parents. It would seem reasonable that superior genes would provide a child with superior intelligence capacity. In fact, researchers have discovered that parents with high IQ's tend to have children with high IQ's while parents with low IQ's tend to have children with low IQ's. Dr. Beben Benyamin from University of Queensland said childhood intelligence is heritable. Up to 40% of a child's intelligence is passed down from the parents. Therefore, it is possibly true that genes may affect individual's intelligence.

However, I strongly ensure that intelligence is not gifted since it can be developed throughout life by several ways. First, it can be expanded by improving individuals' verbal knowledge involves reading, writing, speaking, and conversing. They can exercise it through learning a new language, reading interesting books, playing word games, listening to recordings, and participating in conversation and discussions. Moreover, people can also increase their brainpower level by gaining social intelligence as it involves an understanding of how to communicate with, and understand other people, and how to work collaboratively. For instance, they can develop it through cooperative games, group projects, and discussion. In addition, as Daniel Goleman explains in his book "Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ", they can develop it through learning emotions and thoughts such as participating in independent projects, journal-writing, and also quiet reflection.

In conclusion, although some people think that intelligence is a nature. I believe that it is not only determined by nature but also by learning and practicing several knowledge and habits.
nabila05   
Apr 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 2 - People should study what they really immerse in it [3]

Hi, Ester. I have read your essay and it is very understandable. However, I would like to give you some corrections to help you enhance your writing. Please mind my corrections below:

- student in college should takes
- Although it becomes helps them find job a job easier
- but they may not delightbe satisfied in their position
- in their position, therefore I believe ==> you could write in their position; therefore, I believe or in their position. Therefore, I believe
- many people ==> you could change with the majority of people to avoid repetition
- because they think it will help them find a job easily
- there are numerous vacancyies

There you have it, Ester. I hope the corrections are useful and helpful to your revision. Keep writing :)
nabila05   
Apr 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / Task 2: Violence in the media promotes violence in society. To what extent do you agree? [3]

Hi, Maya. I find your writing is simple, easy to read, and understandable. However, I want to give you some corrections to help you enhance your writing.

- promoting agent of a violent case
- I believe to the statement thatof such programs
- it can also brings merit
- and those kinds of furious
- brave standing for the good sake
- less sensitive ofto the pain

There you have it, Maya. I hope the corrections are useful and helpful to your revision. Keep writing and good luck :)
nabila05   
Apr 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1 - The chart shows the changes that took place in three different areas [7]

Hi, Aini. I find your writing is simple, easy to read, and understandable. However, I want to give you some suggestions to help you enhance your writing.

- From the chart,Based on the chart , it is shown
- before it begun increasebegan to increase
- the feature revealed always plateaube stable
- we can see in the chart vividlyit can be seen that the car theft

There you have it Aini, I hope the corrections are useful and helpful to your revision. Keep writing and good luck :)
nabila05   
Apr 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of young people in the UK who choose to eat vegetarian diet over the past fifty years [2]

IELTS Writing Task 1: UK adolescents following vegetarian diet

The graph illustrates the significant variation in the percentage of young people in the UK who choose to eat vegetarian diet over the past fifty years. It can be seen that the number of young people in UK who had vegetarian diets decreased after 1980 until the year 2000. Overall, the graph shows two main periods of interest in vegetarianism among adolescents in the UK: one peaking on 1980 and the second projected to peak approximately thirty years later in 2012.

In 1960, only a small percentage of adolescents (about 1 per cent) were vegetarian and followed by a steep increase until 1980 when it reached to over 15% which was the highest percentage of adolescents having vegetarian meals in the UK. Thereafter, it kept on declining with minor fluctuations until the year 2000 when it got a very small number. After 2000, this percentage gradually increased until nearly 2011 at above one in ten. It remained steady for the next following years and it is forecasted than that will remain almost same until 2020.




nabila05   
Apr 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The given charts represent the consequences of the questionnaire of teen erudition [2]

Hi, Dilnoza. Your writing is good but it will be perfect if you correct some phrases in your essay. Please, mind my correction below

- The given charts represents
- thus, initial chart
- leads the main role with 40% amongof applicants
- i.e. 38% of the general decision
- helpful for the current job
- having a look toat the costs which should be shared
- as usual, a taxpayer

Furthermore, please try to organize the essay by adding at least 1 space for every paragraph that you make because it will ease the examiner in reading and give some corrections. The examiner will not spend very long grading your paper. You need to create an immediate good impression and the best way to do this is to present a well-structured piece of writing with clearly laid out paragraphs.

Moreover, please try to avoid using ..% repetitively and write more dynamic by change it with fraction, qualifier, proportion, or amount. For example: 20% = one-fifth, 25% = a quarter, 5% = one in twenty or a very small number, etc.

I hope you find my feedback is helpful towards your future improvement in IELTS writing. Good luck, Dilnoza :)
nabila05   
Apr 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The 60-year period brought some massive changes at the West Park Secondary School [2]

Hi, Baso. Here I want to give you some suggestions and corrections relating to your writing. Please mind the suggestions and corrections below:

1. Suggestion
- You should give at least 1 space for every paragraph that you make because it will ease the examiners to read and make some corrections towards your essay

- Your writing should consist at least three main structures divided into three paragraphs: introduction, body, conclusion
- Please write enough words because the more words you write, you more mistakes you are likely to make. The ideal is to aim for between 160-180 words in the report (writing task 1).

2. Corrections
- over a 60-year period beginning inbegan on 1950 and endingended on 2010.
- was replaced by part of a car park in 2010, and the left was science block which was part of the school.
- In addition to this ,
- until the last of the period.
- a change to sports filedfield

There you are, Baso. I hope you find my feedback is helpful towards your future improvement in IELTS writing. Keep writing and good luck :)
nabila05   
Apr 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The map shows the proposed reconstruction of a college in 2020. [3]

The picture has illustrated the comparison of a college before and after some constructions. According to the map before construction, it can be clearly seen that there were only a few facilities on this college. Later on, there are significant changes that have been done in 2020.

Before some new facilities are constructed, there were the only car park, main college building, and small sports complex and most of the places were empty. In this college, there are new constructions have been built including the residential accommodation facility, student union, and faculty offices beside the River Thames. Furthermore, there is resources centre built next to car park. Interestingly, there are two facilities that rebuilt and widened which are main college building and sports complex.

Besides, the new footbridge has been reconstructed to facilitate the civitas academics. The new footbridge was made to walk across the River Thames. Overall, after the addition of some new facilitates, it can be seen a several development of this college without removing anything.




nabila05   
Apr 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The diagram illustrates the process of rainwater circulation in order to be used for human's needs [3]

Hi, Lily. You have described the process from the diagram very well. Here, I want to give you some suggestions that may help your writing.

- Initially, the clouds naturally produce rains water which will fall down on nature stored by a dam and on residential area collected by a tank, special for rain waterrain brought by clouds which produce water for natural lakes, pools or artificial reservoirs likes dams.

- Next, both are consumed infor various purposes, in which water from damn is allocated to wastewater treatment plant before utilized for drinking, whilst e from tank water is distributed for housing activities directly.

There you are, Lily. I hope you find my feedback is helpful towards your future enhancement in IELTS writing. Keep writing, Lily :)
nabila05   
Apr 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The production stages of chewing gum are illustrated by the process flow diagram. [3]

The production stage of chewing is illustrated by the process flow diagram. Overall, there are several processes in this chewing gum production from its initial melting through to the final packaging. These processes involve melting the ingredients, straining, mixing, shaping, and also packaging.

First, the pieces of gum and ingredients are put into a high-temperature container where they are heated and melted together into a single mass. Then, this mass is strained to remove the liquid. Following this process, the gum is put into another container where three ingredients variations are added: flavourings, softeners, and sweeteners to provide appropriately taste.

This mixture, then, is blended in order to make the ingredients spread throughout the gum dough. This gum dough is passed through rollers to flatten it and shape it into sheets. Once cut, the shapes are broken off with the help of two rollers into individual pieces. These individual pieces are wrapped and packaged on a conveyor belt, then they are ready for distribution




nabila05   
Apr 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / The most popular transport in Edmonton. Cars represent more than 2/5 of all transportation types. [4]

Hi, Ester. I would like to say that you actually have a great potential in writing because your writing is very understandable. However, please be more careful in composing some sentences. Because there is no adverb of time in this task, it is suggested to use Present Simple. Please mind the correction below:

- Most citizen in Edmonton used car as their transport facilities. It should be written: Most citizen in Edmonton use car as their transport facilities
- It can be seen, people in this inner city preferred to utilize... It should be written: It can be seen, people in this inner city prefer to utilize

- They also used taxi and bus at only 10 % for each type. This sentence should be written: They also use taxi and bus at only

There you are, Ester. I hope my insight is helpful towards your future enhancement in writing.

Best of luck and keep writing :)
nabila05   
Apr 16, 2016
Writing Feedback / Water usage worldwide and comparison of water consumption in Brazil and the Congo [3]

The line graph provides data regarding water usage worldwide in three sectors: agriculture, industrial and domestic usage, over the twentieth century. The table concentrates on the utilization of water in two countries in two different continents in southern hemisphere i.e. Brazil in South America and the Congo in Africa, for the year 2000.

The most apparent feature of the line graph is the exponential rise in the demand for the water by the agriculture sector which increased five times over the century. Water required by households and industry was negligible in 1900 but a hundred years later, the requirement for water industry had overtaken domestic use but was still behind the need for agricultural production.

The table represents that in 2000 Brazil was more advanced in agricultural production than the Congo and had a much larger population i.e. 176 million compared to just over 5 million. As a result, land requiring irrigation in Brazil far surpassed the Congo as did the individual domestic water consumption.