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Posts by RezaAnandatama17
Name: RezaAnandatama17
Joined: Aug 15, 2016
Last Post: Jan 23, 2020
Threads: 8
Posts: 14  
Likes: 3
From: Indonesia

Displayed posts: 22
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RezaAnandatama17   
Jan 23, 2020
Writing Feedback / IELTS task 1 - comparing three types of food prices [8]

Hii there, what a nice writing! im here to give some input. First, not sure but I cannot find the measurement of the figure number, are they using the true number or those number represents some value, like percentage or in thousand--better decribe it. second, it may be little confusing but im assuming that if the price getting higher means it is being more expensive as well
RezaAnandatama17   
Sep 4, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. [NEW]

Some people believe that visitors to other countries should follow local customs and behaviour. Others disagree and think that the host country should welcome cultural differences.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion


Today's issue comes to culture differences. Virtually societies argue that travelers should perform their respect by taking local habit as their way to live in destination place. In contrast, some opponents of such idea claim that the mentioned issue does not stand in the much ground, aiming to allow visitor to act depending on themselves.

Diversity leads to enrich people horizon regarding culture, aiming to let people respecting each belief over the world. This because people have tendency to claim their culture as the true one, in order to avoid a conflict, people should be allowed to do an activity as their culture commanded. Eva Meizara Puspita Dewi, a well known psychologist, advices people to give a space for both of local and guest to serve their culture because it is noting to be worry much if people can entrust each others.

However, I strongly believe that the mentioned idea should be followed by a critical thinking which does not belong to almost traveler. In any case, culture preservation is the most pivotal reason why natives across the globe arrange a rule for guest to follow local culture. This because despite culture bringing a lot of identities for dwellers is valued for them, such belief of life has tendency to be broken easily as well due to assimilation. According to CNN, more than 2700 tribes each year have left behind their belief, annul ceremony or local language because of getting influences from travelers. This symbolizes failed maintenance by all of stockholder among societies. As result of this, local people or authority should take such problem into account by legalizing a tight rule to arrange visitors.

In conclusion, even though mutual society can broaden local folks' horizon, it is really hard to be promised that such activity will not disturb local culture as well. Offering to the visitors a law that they cannot step in culture sites if they do not act similar with other natives is the smart decision to preserve the culture.
RezaAnandatama17   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Some people have a tendency to spend too much money on purchasing fashion items [2]

Use of hook will give a good mark in our writing .. try to utilize it ..
Let me rewrite your Introduction..

attractive outfit will escalate people confident in their daily activities, aiming that the proponent of such idea promoting spending a lot of expenditure is noting to be worry. While I stand in the line of another side which argue the over consuming leads to stress, I also claim such drawback outweigh benefit.

Turning to you paragraph, you perform an essay which is easy to understand, whereas I suppose this essay orders to answer by using advantages and disadvantages pattern and you do not explain it well in such line
RezaAnandatama17   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / Is it essential to pay too much cost for fashion? [4]

Some people decide to start ... Do the advantages for people working for ... ... I think this is not fit with your essay, whereas let me lend you a hand by focusing only in your writing ..

Some people think that human life is always related to lifestyle. As a result, they compete to be fashionable even if it cost much money. Others think it is not essential to purchase highly on it. I personally believe that we can continue our life without paying too much for the trendsetter andwith following it.

Some societies think that fashion reflect body statement(This is really suitable with you hook, meaning that putting such word into opening is smart decision).They( who do you mean by them) value their self that ...

That is the reason WHY they are consenting to ...
Their style can be influenced by [...] fashion item is not really notable.
(Please arrange it sufficiently by using this pattern which is topic+explanation+example+conclusion paragraph)

The branded products of influence person, [...] the conformity of that appearance to their self.
(The problem is similar with the previous one)

All in all (Using All in all is different with using in conclusion) , fashion can influence to ...
RezaAnandatama17   
Sep 3, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK: READ A BAR CHART USAGE OF WATER IN 6 GULF COUNTRIES FOR ANY PURPOSES [2]

Haloo Hari ..
Let me lend you a hand ...
Well, I have read your writing with feeling understand it well ...

The bar chart illustrates the ... At the first glance, it is evident that Bahrain and Kuwait used ... (I highly suggest you to write down your overview with two sentences: using the highest one and comparison)

Let me rewrite it ..

A breakdown of the information about water usage across the gulf states in three different purposes in 2000 is seen in the bar chart measured by percentage. Overall, it is important to notice that line of domestic in Oman and Saudi Arabia was the most highest one compared with others. While the noticeable proportion of Agriculture is illustrated in the Bahrain and Kuwait, the converse appeared to be true in the rest of the countries.
RezaAnandatama17   
Sep 2, 2016
Writing Feedback / The graph below shows relative price changes for fresh fruits and vegetables, sugars - Writing TASK [6]

The chart displays prices alterations for fresh food and vegetables, sugars, and sweet, and carbonat drinks(we call it as shopping listing-please avoid mentioning your notionrespectively) from 1978 to 2009.

... slope slightly until 2009, upon which it rose steadily.
... relatively stable between 1991 and 2003. (do not make it specific by mentioning the year but put such detail one in the paragraph 2 or 3)
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 29, 2016
Writing Feedback / 'Education is priceless asset.' People attend colleges or universities for many different reasons [2]

Education is priceless asset. People will get convenience in looking for a job since some of employers offer a place in their company by looking how prestigious the prospective employee's skills. With concern to prepare it as soon as possible, people have been driven to attend the colleges. While, I will argue with this idea, I also claim that becoming a better person is the one of another reason why people waste their time for learning in the mentioned please.

Bright future comes to educated societies. This because governments or factories across the globe needs a person who can overcome their problem such as global warming, a downtrend of income, and preventing disease. To be part with such level's society, dwellers should make sure themselves attending a class in university. Recent study from Leeds University, in 2015, reveals more than 79 % people who were leaving their education faced difficulties when they made a living. Therefore, obtaining sufficient job is driving more and more societies step in universities.

The aforementioned reason is followed by learning to make themselves a better person as the second spot light which brings human into third-level education. This is because, such ideas gives a place for people who want to broaden their horizon including understanding norm, role or religion. Taking Baghdad University as an example, This University becomes the gate way for people who have a question about life that bother their main. The courses that have been offered are varied. There are a long course and a short one which depend on student's aim. So, purposing to understand the way human being life becomes rational to offer as a reason why people are bound to stay at university.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that preparing for obtaining money and leading people to better life are the predominant reason why people spend their time for learning in such place.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 22, 2016
Writing Feedback / The line chart informs the quantity of tourists from three different museums in London monthly [3]

Let lend you a hand

... different museums in London monthly , during three-moth period started from July to September in June, 2013.

Let me rewrite your introduction,

A breakdown of the information about the number of tourist who visit three differences museums between June and September in 2013 calculated by thousands is shown in the line chart. Overall, It is important to notice that British Museum broke the record as the highest proportion. While Natural History Museum's level declined slightly, the converse appeared to be true in other proportions
.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / "writing task II" people replace cars --- riding bicycles. In other cities, people prefer [2]

In some cities in the world, people replace cars --- riding bicycles. In other cities, people prefer to use cars rather than bicycles. What are the reasons for this development ? Give your opinion

Cycling as the best form for an alternative exercise, these days, becomes popular. Such phenomenon leads to more and more citizens using the mentioned vehicle. While I argue that this view brings advantages, since we are treated by sedentary lifestyle which should be overcome, I also claim that riding bicycle offers congestion-free road traffic which benefits for busy people.

Keeping health is the one that people should take into their account and cycling every day can help them to prevent some of disease. A recent study from Leeds University, in 2015, informed society that utilizing bicycle regularly can help their body releasing toxins. Such beneficial activity is also powerful to decline stress. Therefore, aforementioned evidence is the reason why people are bound to ride bicycle in their daily activities.

A part from previous idea, with concern to manage time well, busy people rides such vehicle in order to avoid traffic jam on the road. Recently, CNN has reported seven out of ten commuters in developed countries cycling with regard to spend their time in the road properly. As result of this, cycling bringing a lot of merits is valued for societies including busy people.

In conclusion, as dwellers live in sedentary lifestyle and among busy traffic. They prevent those problems by riding bicycle in their daily activities. It is imperative that such beneficial activity should be followed by others across the globe.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 20, 2016
Writing Feedback / Having a job that you love doing make you happier - IELTS WRITING TASK 2 [7]

let me rewrite your Introduction ...

Since 20th century, societies across the globe have changed their mind about the meaning of happiness. Virtually of them argue that having a job is the best form of making people happier in their daily activities. While I argue such notion does not stand in much ground, I strongly believe that other categorizes play a pivotal rule in order to live happily.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing essay - Television advertising brings considerable problems for children [2]

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Television advertising directed towards young children (aged two to five) should not be allowed. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

The newest emerged technology in mass media plays a pivotal role in advertising products. Nevertheless, the mentioned idea bringing considerable problems among the children is danger to keep it going. As it can be seen, children are not mature enough to decide which one is suitable for their age including consuming inappropriate food. Moreover, violent content in advertisement which has possibility to be imitated by them is also the problem emerged in such issue. As result of this, I totally disagree about focusing on children as the target of trading the product.

It does not make sense to left behind the younger watching any advertisement which is directed towards to themselves. This because, with immature concern, they can be easily to be persuaded getting any unneeded possessions. Taking junk food as an example, in the last decade, it seems ubiquitous since their product is success among the youngest costumer but the effect of this also have escalated the disease-related food among them namely heart disease, struck, and obesity. Therefore, taking this problem into account will become acceptable solution.

In edition of the aforementioned evidence, violent content in advertisement possibility leads youth to be misbehaving so badly since they do not have a critical thinking as adult so all of information is receipted by them. Eva Meizara Puspita Dewai, a well-known Indonesian psychologist, reveals 65% of youths which perform misbehave because of television showing them.

In conclusion, Advertisement comes to child's life. Obviously, this notion leads to some proponent to promote stopping such effort due to over eating of unhealthy refreshment and misbehave in children's life.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 19, 2016
Writing Feedback / The percentage of individuals holding on science categories in Malaysia and Singapore [3]

Let me rewrite the introduction ...

A breakdown of the the number of people who are holding science qualification in Malaysia and Singapore is illustrated in bar chart. Overall, It is important to notice that the such mentioned countries experiences a decline of number people holding a science certificate when it comes to the higher level of educations. The percentage of Malaysians who have no experience in science breaks the record as the highest compared with other's categorizes.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The breakdown of the number of dwellers who are elderly people in Great Britain (1985-2035) [2]

The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions for 2035.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Write at least 150 words


The breakdown of the number of dwellers who are elderly people in Great Britain between 1985 and 2035 is shown in the bar chart. It is important to notice that Wales breaks the record as highest proportion in both of years. While 2035 illustrates vast number in all of countries, the converse appears to be true in the another year.

A closer look at the data, It is predicted that aging population's number will grow dramatically by far in 2035. In the mentioned year, the highest proportion will be seen in Wales proportion. It is predictable escalating since such country also had the largest societies aged over 65s in previous year. The highest one is followed by England in 1985 but such position will be overtaken by Scotland in 2035.

In the future, The rest of countries will show the equal number which is 23%. In reverse, in 1985, Northern Ireland hit the low by 12%. It increased when the mentioned number was compared with UK and England which is less than a fifth.




RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 18, 2016
Writing Feedback / The chart below gives information about the UK's ageing population in 1985 and makes predictions [4]

Haloo kak Ibe .. Let me lend you a hand

The bar graph illustrates data on the number of people 65 years ...

Let me rewrite it kak:
The breakdown of the number of dwellers who are elderly people in Great Britain between 1985 and 2035 is shown in the bar chart. It is important to notice that Wales breaks the record as highest proportion in both of years. While 2035 illustrates vast number in all of countries, the converse appears to be true in the another year.

If you want to see more complete this essay having a look at my post.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Children Obesity ratio has risen in western countries [3]

Let me land you a hand ..
Well, it is gonna difficult since you did not write the question. So, in the next time, pleas write it also to help us recheck your essay.


(...) Consequently, this is followed by some negative impacts on the children (just mention it)

Let me rewrite it ..

Hot issue comes to child's life style. It is reported that escalating the proportion of overweight children is surprising by roughly 20 percent in the last of decade. While the claim of Junk food which is the reason of it becomes the popular one, it is also believed the mentioned cause leads to illness-related food namely heart decease and stroke.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Modern form of communication could be negative for us ?? [4]

Let me land you a hand...

1. The most important one if you come to write an essay in this forum that you should write also the question of it ...
2. Your writing is nor like agree/disagree but advantages/disadvantages question so make it clear

Let me rewrite it so you can find any differences


Recently, In the light of the newest emerged technology, people across the globe can advance the way that they deliver the information namely electronic massaging. However, Virtually people claim that such technology influences human to forget seeing each others. In my humble opinion, such claim does not stand much ground, since the mentioned technology do make it much easier for people to stay in touch with their friends and relatives.

The cost which dwellers spend to send their information with such cutting-edge technology is more acceptable rather than the conventional one. This is because the electronic messaging only needs access to the internet without considering the geographic condition. For instance, people can inform their condition to families or acquaintances even though they are living on the opposite sides of planet. A conventional letter can be used in the such condition, but it will take much time. Therefore, with concern to keep in touch with others, the mentioned technology gives a lot of positive impacts.

You can continue it now, break a leg :)
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / The cutting-edge technology brings a tremendous negative impact on human's relation with others [NEW]

Modern forms of communication such as email and messaging have reduced the amount of time people spend seeing their friends. This has had a negative effect on their social lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


The break through technology of communication namely email and messaging come to offer an convenience. Nevertheless, some of people claim such cutting-edge technology bringing a tremendous negative impact on human's relation with others. In my humble opinion, this kind of issue is not true because the existence of such technology is enlarging the space to keep in touch with families or friends every palace and every time.

Limitation of time to make any conversation is solved by modern technologies which are email and messaging. This gives a chance to dweller across the globe to build or keep any relation even though they have different continent. Taking teenagers who are going overseas for study as an example, despite a letter can be used to inform their condition to their friends but it will take much of time. As result of this, message and email should be consider as the fastest and the most effective way to send news.

The next reason why many people are bound to send message via such technology is the reasonable cost. In Indonesia, sending a message from Celebes to Java cost at least 25.000 Rupiahs via post different than using email and messaging, it is cost only for about at least 5.000 rupiahs. Such advantage helps people to keep in touch with their friends.

In conclusion, the issue of email and messaging disturbing people's relation is only unproven argument. The converse appears to be true since such cutting-technology helps people to maintain their friendship which is valuable for them.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 17, 2016
Writing Feedback / Do you think that emailing and texting reduce the togetherness? Writing Task 2 [6]

The existence of email and messaging decreases people interactions to their friends The existence of email and messaging come to disturb societies' relation with others. This is because people are bound to spend their pastime with such cutting-edge technology for communication rather than going out with their acquaintances. Undoubtedly, While I am standing in the line of opponent such issue, I also claim that the benefit aspects are more than the weakness aspects.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Taking a gap year for going a vacation or getting a job is being part of teenager's lifestyle [3]

Topic : In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.


Taking a gap year for going a vacation or getting a job is being part of teenager's life style in several worldwide regions. It bringing a lot of meaningful experience is very valuable for them in order to improve their mentality. Nevertheless, the converse of such merits perhaps will appear to be true since this choice carries out some of demerits as well.

Becoming more independent is a positive impact on the top of the list. This is because the teenager will take care themselves and learn to do not rely on their parents any more. Eva Meizara Puspita Dewi, a well-known psychologist, reveals the mature comes to teenager if they start to believe themselves facing the world. Such belief will lead them to more independent. As result of this, let them take such opportunity becoming acceptable decision.

However, Life is not easy like the most of teenager's assumption. Stress of work can disturb their daily activities. CNN reports more than four out of ten youngers who are taking a job should get a medical care since they are not ready facing work life. Again, some of teenagers, in Netherlands, were becoming the victim of human traffic because of using up their money when going vacation. Hence, those problems should take into people's account before taking such opportunity.

In conclusion, Even though broadening teenager's horizon can be realized with taking a gap year, however a good preparation becomes vital since taking such decision can lead to horrible problem as well.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / My opinion about TEDTalks: Gary Haugen "The hidden reason for poverty the world need to address now" [5]

Let me land you a hand, those are:

1. they foccusedfocused(spelling) on freedom and I believe that they did that(double)such horible activities because they won't (do not cut it) will not their next generation feel the same violence

2. God makes me to seeseeing(continues) many problems that happens today onin Indonesia

3. A few monthS ago, I were ill and taketook a treatment onin the hospital for about 5 days

4. ThereIn such a place, I could feel how the doctors

5. I was the only one on my room that registered as a general patients and the other using BPJS..
I was the only person who stayed in my large room registered as a general patients while others are using health assurance (BPJS).

Please recheck it again ... I hope it is helpful..
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / Writing Task 1: Explaining two tables about the reasons to travel abroad and the destinations [4]

... Both of tables give data since 1994 until 1998. (In order to end up you introduction, you should write down an overview)

I write it back, so it perhaps can help you:
The first table reveals the reason why societies were going to overseas and the next one is regarding the places where they come. The data is collected between 1994 and 1998. It is important to notice that going vacation was the popular reason among the visitors.The spot where they were going mostly in Western Europe.

There are for holiday, for business, for meeting their relatives and friends, and other reasons. (WE CALL IT SHOPPING LISTING, IT CAN DECLINE YOUR MARK) ...

Again, I rewrite it down,
Moving to the more detail analysis, in the first table, the number of dwellers going to a holiday broke the record as the highest one from 1994 to 1998 while it has been followed by the business' level. The rest of the numbers only is a small proportion. Again, comparing with all of years, 1998 is the busiest year where the number of people going to other countries increased dramatically from 2.744.700 in previous year to 2.882.800.

The targets to break on abroad were divided into three destinations. They are Western Europe, North America and other countries (AGAIN SHOPPING LISTING)....

Again, I rewrite it down,
A part from previous comparison, Western Europe become the first choice on the top of the list since it leads the data in four years period. North America and other areas were left behind by the highest with the gap overall approximately 1.900.000 people.
RezaAnandatama17   
Aug 15, 2016
Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK II suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food [2]

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Junk food comes to disturb commuters' life across the globe. This bringing numerous health problems should be tackled by authorities as soon as possible. While I am standing in the line of proponent who argues a high tax becomes a suitable solution of it, I also claim this solution has to establish immediately due to running of time.

Disease related unhealthy refreshment has risen dramatically because of more and more dwellers eating fast food with the great number of it. Taking America as an example, according to the data established by CNN in 2016 has shown a majority societies of such country consuming unhealthy diet overall more than four times each day. As result of this, they cannot prevent some of illness namely stroke, heart disease, and obesity. Those are escalating the number of dead rate because of junk food by the gap 15 % every year. With concern to take this one into account, government has to arrange a novel regulation relating the tax of the junk food.

A part from previous notion, teenager is the foundation of the nation because they are the next generation. However, their life is on the trouble since more than 60 % young occupants suffer from obesity due to fast food. Raising a tax of such food is not only giving a pressure to the society so as to not over-consume it but also saving our children.

In conclusion, In the light of saving the community from tremendous negative impacts of junk food, it is really high suggested authority to raise the tax of junk food. Besides, before it comes late, the regulation should be legalized immediately.
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