Writing Feedback / The elderly in three different developed countries -IELTS TASK 1 [3]

A breakdown of information of the percentage of people over the age of 60 in three different developed countries, a period of 100 years, started in 1940 is shown in the line chart. Overall, it is important to bear in mind that all of the figures tended to rocket over the period. In any case, the figures for the Japan broke the record as the highest one in the last year.

Initially, there was a significant increase in the number of aging people in USA and Sweden, roughly 9 and 7 percent respectively. Both of figures then overtook each other in 1980's. Following many minor fluctuation, the number of Sweden elderly people will increase by 28 percent in 2040, with becoming the second highest as such.

Between 1940's and 1980's, Japan was the least proportion elderly people. But, it then will increase until it will overtake the proportion for Sweden and USA in 2020's. it will finish at the greatest level in the last year.

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Writing Feedback / Two different preferences of music site- TASK 1 IELTS [2]

A breakdown of the information about the number of visitors in two different preferences of music on the website in a 15- day period is shown in the line graph. Overall, it is extremely important to bear in mind that all the figures tend to increase. What's more, the number of visitors of Pop parade is the most dominant music website.

Initially, the most popular new music websites is Pop parade, being seen 120,000 visitors. However, apart from a brief fluctuation from day 1 to day 9, the number of visitors on pop parade site increases gradually at over 140,000 in day 10. By contrast, the figure of music choice visitors is just 40,000 in the first day. It is followed by a slight decrease in the following day, the number of music choice visitors remain relatively stable at less than 60,000 visitors per day until day 11.

In sharp contrast to this, the visitor number see pop parade site decline gradually until it overtake the other in day 12, at 100,000. Nevertheless, apart from a brief rise again in day 13, it reaches a peak of over 160,000 and both of figures widen up a gap each other eventually.

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Writing Feedback / The benefit to make conversation to stranger- TED [3]

Kio Strark explains us regarding greeting to someone you do not know before. Frankly, it is arguably weird since most of people believe that stranger is hazardous. Surprisingly, there are two huge advantages about having talk with them. Initially, it liberates us since it means that people can accidentally make conversation together without thinking any stereotype. She gives American female researcher that traveled to Asia and Africa by herself, as an example. In fact, it was an adventure novel for her. She screwed her courage to find something new. There was no family or someone that she knew there. What delights in is about how she struggled with helping from the stranger. Another fascinating advantage is that using our senses to become intimacy. According to researchers, the reason is perfectly plain that people often feel more comfortable, seem honest and show openness when they encounter the strangers. From that time on, she challenges us to take this into account with talking to a stranger about personal experience.

Writing Feedback / Some tips for teenagers to have a healthy lifestyle [2]

Apparently, children' notorious daily activity should be seriously tackled by parents' role. Children should, of course, keep under surveillance by day and night by their mom and dad. They ought to maintain their own health by doing some weakly sports activities or giving them the best nourishing diet. There are three ways that crucial to maintain their healthy. Initially, they should eat nutritiously. It means that they should concentrate on cutting down on unhealthy food and soft drink and take nutrition of protein, carbohydrates and fats into consideration. Moreover, breakfast is a must. It is clear that skipping meals is not good for health since the nutrition is necessary for their growth. As we know, teens are faced with a lot of activities that are requiring more and more energy. So, the best way to deal with this is to nourish them good fresh food so as to lead a healthy life and stay fit.

thejakartapost

Writing Feedback / The ways to keep your coffee hot [2]

This article provides such information that how to contend with a cup of coffee. The writer did some experiments to cool his coffee. The purpose of these experiments was to probe which method was the best to cool the coffee. Subsequently, cup 1 had a cover on the top, cup 2 had not lid and the third cup had a lid, yet he would blow on the opening. After several minutes, in consequence the cup without a lid was cooler than other, even though he poured the water with a little different temperature before. It was perfectly plain that by putting coffee next to something colder thermal energy was transferred to another colder coffee. However, this experiment was not enough to prove the theory. The second experiment was by evaporation. It was clear that when the coffee evaporates, by and large, the coffee cup without the lid with the result that it instantly became cooler than before. Afterwards, he took one more experiment with plugging in the small hole and lid and another one just had a lid. Surprisingly, both of coffee had same temperatures since the plug was to obstruct spilling coffee.

Writing Feedback / How to deal with the transformation of organization in advanced era [2]

Jim Hemerling, organizational change expert, explained us regarding how we deal with transformational organization in advanced era. He said it was an absolutely necessary to alter an organization. Putting people was absolutely the vital way to contend with it. It meant to make workers more highly motivated. Subsequently, he explained that to go all in. The reason was perfectly plain that people should know what exactly happened in their condition. The third was enabling people with capabilities that they needed to take care of such a transformation in this day and age. He made it quite plain that the workers will feel energetic and powerful to run the company. Afterwards, a culture of continuous learning was also crucial since it helped company to compete against the rival. Eventually, he clearly mentioned that leader should have a vision and a map milestone for the journey since it was easily to know how far they drive the company and how to achieve the goals.

Writing Feedback / Uber CEO Says Self-Driving Cars Won't Kill Jobs - Summary [2]

In this day and age, as we can see the newest technology take a state-of-the-art machine into account. Dozens of Uber' drivers were anxious about the existence of the autonomous cars. The reason why they were troubled was that their job could be replaced by the cutting edge of technology.

Plenty of observers declared that the autonomous gave rise to a threat to those drivers. However, Travis Kallanick, CEO Uber, argued he believe in that human labors were still required for some reasons at any rate. For avoidance of doubt, he explained that the robot cars could not be great for handling the worst condition such as bad weather or countryside driving. Ergo, human drivers would be essential. Afterwards, labors are utterly needed to preserve the space-age cars.

It really stands out that Uber's drivers will likely be great in short term. On the other hand, they should also take a longtime driving career into consideration.

time.com/4458385/uber-travis-kalanick-self-driving-cars-pittsburg/

Writing Feedback / A girl who demanded right to school in her hometown - TED TALKS [5]

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Education is an utmost essential of our life. Kakenya Ntaiya shared her story regarding her experience of being a girl demanding a right to school in her hometown. From her opinion, education was a luxury gift since she grew up as the Massai people whom, as she told, the boys grow up to be warriors, whereas the girls grow up just to be mother. Unfortunately, it will seemingly be the ubiquitous moment in this place that the girls must prepare to become a mother in the age of twelve.

Knowing that she had to leave school when she would marry was utterly terrifying. She did not eschew to deal with this problem. She urged her father so as to be allowed to continue her study. Then, her father bent her decision with a win-win solution. It was required to her for participating in the ceremony where she must pass this activity such a female genital mutilation. After three weeks of recovery, she backed to school and continue their dream.

At the end of the day, she astonishingly succeeded to pursue higher education because she was inspired by a young men from her village. When she was studying in Virginia, she had a gap in her knowledge about a right. Hence, she learned plenty of knowledge she did not know before. She had just known that female genital mutilation, being widely known as tradition in her group, was illegal in Kenya. It was a heinous tradition as such. Ergo, it should not happen to barter a part of her body in exchange for a dream to continue her study. From that time on, she successfully endeavored to establish school for girls in Kenya and hitherto attempted to persuade girls' Massai for sharpening their knowledge through education.