Holt Educational Consultant
Oct 30, 2016
Undergraduate / Losing a parent - a tragic impulse to transition from childhood to adulthood - common app prompt [3]
HI NIlufar, your approach the prompt is unique in a certain way. You have managed to turn an overview of your life story after the death of your father into an analysis of your quest for maturity. That certainly makes the essay interesting to read. However, there is too much overview and general discussion in the essay for it to merit the trust sense of an event that helped you transition to adulthood. We need at least one solid evidence of this mindset coming from you that does not involve inferred references to maturity. The latter part of your essay does not even apply to the prompt requirements anymore.
It seems that you used the essay to free yourself from your emotional burden of having lost your father, rather than actually showing the reviewer that the event had a direct impact upon your life that told those around you that you are now an adult. The most important part of this essay prompt is the direct acknowledgement of those around you that you have actually done something or accomplished something that, in their minds or by the tradition and culture of your family, indicates that you are now an adult of equal standing and responsibility within your community or family circle. I see very little evidence of that acknowledgement in this essay.
HI NIlufar, your approach the prompt is unique in a certain way. You have managed to turn an overview of your life story after the death of your father into an analysis of your quest for maturity. That certainly makes the essay interesting to read. However, there is too much overview and general discussion in the essay for it to merit the trust sense of an event that helped you transition to adulthood. We need at least one solid evidence of this mindset coming from you that does not involve inferred references to maturity. The latter part of your essay does not even apply to the prompt requirements anymore.
It seems that you used the essay to free yourself from your emotional burden of having lost your father, rather than actually showing the reviewer that the event had a direct impact upon your life that told those around you that you are now an adult. The most important part of this essay prompt is the direct acknowledgement of those around you that you have actually done something or accomplished something that, in their minds or by the tradition and culture of your family, indicates that you are now an adult of equal standing and responsibility within your community or family circle. I see very little evidence of that acknowledgement in this essay.