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UMich - School of Music, Theatre & Dance

2 - Hi Anne, I like the style you used in the intro, but not everybody likes that style. Some people...

UndergraduateAnnaSophie - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2009
UC Essay #2 - Finding Strength Through Rejection

4 - i agree with twizzlestraw; i think your intro sentence could be a lot stronger. i'm pretty sure you...

UndergraduatemarissaW - Nov 25, 2009hotsaucegrl - Nov 27, 2009
UC Prompt #1: Family First

5 - Fix this sentence: Coincidentally, the expression placed at the center of the refrigerator for my family members to read...

Undergraduatestephbust - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2009
uc prompt:i am proud of Being Tri lingual

4 - Moreover , I strongly believe that it would be to my advantage to learn as many languages as I...

Undergraduatenergua - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2009
"Son, your education is your future." - UC prompt

5 - Once again Do you think I should add something more? or Did I approach the prompt correctly? How...

Undergraduateg60nx - Nov 25, 2009g60nx - Nov 27, 2009
UC Prompt 2: Music

3 - It's not bad, but there are quite a few cliches that need to go ; they're sprinkled throughout the...

Undergraduatelissc6 - Nov 25, 2009shanemrys - Nov 25, 2009
Comparing aspects of some world literature books

4 - Symbolic on several levels, the priest's dialogue exposes the situation in which K finds himself. Maybe "exposes?" It...

Book Reportsmeisj0n - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 30, 2009
My essay about coming to America (Is my topic too overused?)

6 - Thank you for all the corrections and suggestions! I'll definitely try revising my essay w/using the metaphor of climbing...

Undergraduateagasamsoon3 - Nov 25, 2009agasamsoon3 - Nov 27, 2009
Alverno School of fish; Prompt 1

2 - confidence and courage ... strong work ethics to become an honest, charismatic ... influenced and shaped...These are all quite...

Undergraduatejuly723 - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
uc prompt #2. experience that is important to me. boarding school

2 - After checking in my belongings, my grandmother had left, so I had to cope without her. Hey, this...

UndergraduateGodizgood - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
place filled with opportunities and freedom - is topic is too common or not.

5 - Thanks everyone! All these comments are very helpful:)...

UndergraduateHulloKitty - Nov 25, 2009HulloKitty - Nov 27, 2009
The Chinese Ninespine stickeleback Fish - uc essay prompt 1?

2 - When I was in fifth grade, I read a book called "Chinese... Don't capitalize "after" in that first...

Undergraduatejholic - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
UC prompt #2 The bitter yet sweet taste of Prednisone

11 - Sorry I was late! It has been busy. I hope you have all kinds of success....

UndergraduateVietnamezeducky - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 3, 2009
"Tears of Life" - UC Essay #2

8 - thank you for the input, Kevin. :) and thank you for your sympathies. Yeah, I am always grateful...

Undergraduateshanemrys - Nov 25, 2009shanemrys - Nov 27, 2009
"New Era" missionary experiences - BYU "Setback" Admission Essay, 200 word

2 - I had known for seven years that... I greatly regret that I spent the first six months waiting...

Undergraduateabstractpoet - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Marriage for love or money

4 - thanks this really helped :]...

Essaysamybelle1092 - Nov 23, 2009amybelle1092 - Nov 29, 2009
Scholarship essay: community service activity Hurricane katrina

2 - The idea behind the first para is good, but it is not helpful to say people from all walks...

Scholarshippcvrz34g - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
UC transfer prom: something about life experience > want to be psychologist

2 - I think you should use italics for the first part, with the questions people asked you. I think...

UndergraduateFieldnagger - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
'Big colleges' - benefits of a diverse educational community

4 - Since my homeland is not a multicultural country, I never really considered having relationships with people who were born...

Undergraduateerinhcho - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2009
'I was a corpulent teenager' - UC Personal Statement #1 - Describe your World

4 - Each paragraph is really nicely written - but what your paragraphs lack is the unity they need to become...

UndergraduateEmonaperl - Nov 25, 2009shanemrys - Nov 26, 2009
Motivation Essay - Software Engineering - Master Course

4 - Well, yes, but then add one more sentence that says something like: I choose [name of program] as the...

Graduatezchowdhury - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2009
Beloit, the place that has raised me, Northwestern Supplement Essay- Third Draft

5 - I like i that you use "confess," a good word. Commas and a dash: I confess that going...

Undergraduatedanieljluebke - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 27, 2009
"my parents have always pushed me to the limit" - the world i come from

2 - Because they came from from a less than average background and having to earn everything they own, my parents...

Undergraduateore4thebetter - Nov 25, 2009gotwavez - Nov 25, 2009
The Stone Angel/King Lear Comparison Essay

2 - If they are prevented from seeing something, it is redundant to call it "blindness" in the same sentence. Instead...

Book Reportsalex21 - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
Moral to the story? "Wheels and other round things"

3 - Its just for the open topic of the common app. I wanted to write about a meaningful experience. Keep...

Undergraduatejoellek - Nov 25, 2009joellek - Nov 25, 2009
Common Application Essay - Topic of your choice - Dreams Deferred

40 - I think "What's in a Dream" is not as good as your previous one. If I am not getting...

Undergraduatetwizzlestraw - Nov 25, 2009longyue - Jan 2, 2010
between fact and fiction - This is supposed to be one paragraph, how to cut it?

NEW - My academic interests vary between fact and fiction. I constantly seek the truth and how to tie it into...

Undergraduatemisskimari - Nov 25, 2009 -
'an opportunity to be a part of your esteemed institution' - SOP (Industrial Engineering)

5 - Hi, I'll give some ideas here for you: My undergraduate program was a judicious mix of theory and...

GraduateOptimusPrime - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Dec 4, 2009
Short-answer questions for Exchange Program

3 - Thank you very much EF_Kelvin! Can anyone tell me about "My dream is to discover new innovations...

UndergraduateTwinkle - Nov 25, 2009Twinkle - Nov 26, 2009
The lifestyle we live today is leading us down the path of an evolutionary disaster; choices we made

2 - Yes, the second para is much stronger than the first. Often, we need to cut the first para, because...

Writing Feedbackneuromancer - Nov 25, 2009EF_Kevin - Nov 26, 2009
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