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A paragraph to persuade someone not to smoke

3 - You might also want to add more details to make your paragraph more persuasive. "Five million people died last...

Writing Feedbackferocious12 - Jun 7, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
Statement of Purpose to Edinburgh University (logical extention of my academics)

5 - When revising for this sort of error, try reading what you have written aloud. Whenever you pause in your...

UndergraduateEssi - Jun 8, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 8, 2009
"To Understand and Be Understood" - Why do you want to pursue a career in the medical field?

14 - Thanks very much for all of your help. EF Simone: I will gladly critique other's essays on this website....

UndergraduateDancingDoc - May 26, 2009DancingDoc - Jun 8, 2009
TOEFL - Prefer to work for a large company; good material rewards

7 - Actually, it is generally a good idea to avoid labeling your conclusion with one of those phrases. It should...

Writing Feedbackwing - May 22, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 6, 2009
IELTS Writing - "clean learning environment"

3 - Be careful, too, that you don't get off topic. The prompt doesn't assert that an attractive and clean learning...

Writing Feedbackbon - Jun 6, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 6, 2009
Research paper on Mormons!

20 - Thank you for your research. I think you did a great job!...

Research Paperstacares - Jun 4, 2009bon - Jun 6, 2009
Comment on a Henry David Thoreau quote

8 - Yes, that is much stronger! In general, we tend to say "it" when we are being vague. Taking the...

Essayscarladguez - Jun 5, 2009EF_Simone - Jun 5, 2009
descriptive essay-The heart of the Matter.

6 - In need of some revision: "An inspiring, strong, and caring person has a lot to offer, especially if...

Writing Feedbackpnkberrychmpgne - Jun 4, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
"The Great Depression changed the American governments views" - essay help

5 - Yes, you should certainly make sure that you understand what the Great Depression was, before you try writing anything...

EssaysHelpAsap1 - Jun 2, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
To Kill a Mockingbird - Self-respect and Injustice

8 - Do you really want to argue that characters demonstrate self-respect by making good choices (which is what you have...

Book Reportsmuffinmuffin - May 31, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
How can i decrible the graph

6 - Feel free to post a revised draft for further feedback. Most essays need several revisions before reaching a point...

Essaysnuocmatcuada - Jun 3, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
brief essay explaining your educational and career goals

7 - Also, when you post your new thread, try including a rough draft of whatever you can come up with...

Undergraduatefuzzy - Jun 1, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
If you were refrained one year from going to college, what would you do?

3 - You discuss yourself in an oddly hypothetical manner: "If I did not live in Georgia," "my Job (if I...

Undergraduatelamar199324 - Jun 5, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 5, 2009
Help with a paragraph about marketing claims

7 - Hi all, Thanks for all the comments. Regards, Fizzi...

Writing FeedbackFizzi - Jun 4, 2009Fizzi - Jun 5, 2009
Test essay: Should children obey authority?

7 - Others think controlled children are not well-prepared for children's adult life into make the important decisions of their lives...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 2, 2009ferocious12 - Jun 4, 2009
Socials Essay: Robespierre and Cromwell Which is a more effective leader?

7 - Your main problem is that you are comparing these two people in terms of the effectiveness of their leadership,...

Writing Feedbackicemaster2340 - Jun 3, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 4, 2009
Creationism vs. Evolution Debate

25 - I have lots of things I'd like to talk about. Why does it take so long for the...

Essaysnick94 - May 23, 2009Brenda Tucker - Jun 4, 2009
William Blake Poetry Paper

23 - You might want to introduce the idea that Blake presumably viewed God as a creative force Himself, one who...

PoetryTheAnswer - May 19, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
'Economics in Chengdu' - Letter of motivation to University of Amsterdam

13 - However, the word "foreigner" is not in and of itself pejorative, as certain ethnic slurs are. If it has...

UndergraduateFederico - May 25, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
"the disparity (gap) between rich and poor" - sample writing

4 - I like the way you focus on the difference in the two camps' views of wealth. The redistributionists subscribe...

Writing Feedbackcarladguez - Jun 2, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
My first essay-its on Thomas Hardy.

5 - If its your first essay, you should probably look closely at one or more of the main themes of...

EssaysChrome - Jun 2, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
Statement of purpose for PhD in science Education

3 - The hardest thing about this type of writing is getting started, so just write down whatever you can think...

Graduateelle5210 - Jun 3, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
a pretty short story, Return of satan

5 - Some minor fixes for you: "and argued that Satan was damned forever and he would never deserve to...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - Jun 3, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 3, 2009
April's first day essay - A Quick Grammer Check

5 - My bus driver continues that, if anyone thinks he/she can't do it just tell him. It kind of tempts...

Writing Feedbacknewsha31 - May 31, 2009ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009
itels essay: should children learn foreign language from elementary school?

7 - To sum up, though teaching the elementary school students foreign languages pose a threat to thehas risk for the...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - May 31, 2009ferocious12 - Jun 2, 2009
Critical Thinking - to form well thought out and defensible arguments in papers

13 - I wouldn't have drawn such a clear distinction between synthetic and critical thinking. The most basic essay format in...

Grammar, UsageGautama - May 30, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
People should read only those books which are real events& real person

10 - It's really difficult to make a determination on that without actually seeing the essay. In general, grounding your essay...

Writing Feedbackbiggestv - May 29, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
Fraternity Interest Letter

6 - Your letter is a bit vague. Try adding some specifics to make in more interesting. What qualities specifically do...

Lettersambitious1 - May 26, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
ielts essay: should governments pay university course fees?

3 - This is better than your other essays, as it has a clear thesis with some decent reasons to back...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
ielts essay - Useing animals for the benefit of the human beings

4 - Simone makes an excellent point -- you haven't presented any compelling arguments for your thesis. Making your case shouldn't...

Writing Feedbackxinyuqingxin - Jun 1, 2009EF_Sean - Jun 2, 2009
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