Writing Feedback / I wish to purchase a business and not a house if I have enough money [3]

Someone asked me,that" If you had enough money to purchase something such as a house or a business, which one would you choose?"

It is interesting and I never thought of that before.

Does a business means that I will be a businessman, and so everyone must be shown their...

Finally, I can earn money by myself through buying a business.

:)

Research Papers / A research topic: ENERGY SYSTEM TECHNOLOGY / PETROLEUM [7]

A timely topic right now might be whether we should open Alaska for drilling or continue to rely so heavily on the Middle East for oil. Another topic might be what we could do to reduce the need or use for petroleum, and use more natural energy sources. Good luck and have fun with it. When you're ready, send it back for an edit!

Related: Recent developments IN PETROLEUM ENGINEERING (how to start research?)


All you need to do is search your school database for a professional journal article about petroleum engineering, and make sure it includes a literature review.

Search for these key words: "petroleum engineering", "literature review"

Make sure the article is from this year or last year if you can. That way, the lit review will tell you all about the developments in recent years.

You can even cite the same sources that are cited in the article. Does that help you? You can also just google that question, and you'll get a lot of great info.

Graduate / SOP for Ph.D program in the field of Chemical engineering [3]

Starting from my childhood, I was toohave been inclined towards science and technology.

There it self I could project myself in future, I was aware I wanted to always learn and do research.

I realized the backbone of innovation is to question everything and believe on evidences.

With the aim of becoming national scientist I undertook engineering in chemistry, but soon came to realize the in depth essence of various disciplines to science in day to day lives.

I was privileged to work under Dr. XXX who has revolutionized the surface technology, which emerged from oil technology in the university, almost single handedly .

Moreover it is used for extraction of nuclear waste, which itself is a very fascinating issue.

I happen to be his assistant for assessing the environmental concert for a pharmaceutical industry at Ratlam, MP.

Thus, I have developed myself to work for the benefit of mankind, by helping ourselves to seek green energies, more sustainable, clean and efficient in our day to day lives.

:)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL--- 'learning facts were more important than the ideas' [3]

In my point of view, facts were more important than the previous for following reasons.---Always start each sentence with a capital letter.

To begin with, as we know ideas and concepts were made out based on the facts, people get their ideas through learning from the facts.

What's more, only through learning the facts we could we easily know and understand the ideas and concepts.

Take the above, not means we could miss ideas and concepts, they also play a very important part of our understanding.---This sentence needs to be revised for clarity, as it's hard to understand.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'achieving personal wealth is no longer at the root of the US' -Diversity in the USA [5]

E Pluribus Unum was originally intended to be both a representation of the union of the thirteen colonies and an expression of the United States as a country, formed by immigrants of many different backgrounds.

In earlier times, people would forsake their homeland and moved to America for various reasons.

The American Dream was that no matter what their standard, racial, religious, or social background and beliefs were, they could find wealth and happiness in America.

Many strict laws against immigration have been passed in order to slow the waves of immigration.

Most of all, perhaps, it has lost its illusions.---Good sentence and I agree.

:)

Graduate / Motivational Essay for a Double degree program [5]

...thesis on Markowitz Portfolio Theory, I searched for a Postgraduate program in Finance which would allow me to get an excellent education and the opportunity to study abroad.

I found the MSc in Finance at the University of XX very interesting, and with the beautiful opportunity to apply for the Double Degree Program.

My volition to come to XX is very strong, and this is because I would be honored to study in an ...

One of the many things that made me wishful to apply for Yours University is the structure of the MSc...

An additional motivation to come to XX is that I want to live in a multicultural place where I can learn other cultures and open up my mind more.

:)

Undergraduate / 'remarkable experience of student life' - Application Essay [3]

I believe that the revolution in the mechanical world is on outcomethe result of sheer curiosity and the creativity of inventors.

My craze for exploring the mechanical world drives me towards Mechanical Engineering and for the same, I am seeking an appropriate place.

I always noticed the dense black cloud of smoke rising up in the sky through the large outlets and getting diluted in the atmosphere.

I had visited it several times as a child and was amazed at the extremely monumental web of machines, but was equally annoyed at the extent of pollution it created.

My most remarkable experience of student life was being appointed as head ...

Besides, as an art student I had an extremely worthy experience because...

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task1 Post-school qualifications according to gender in Australia [4]

It is clear from the graph, that, --No comma here.-- skilled vocational diploma is very popular among males as opposed to women who constitute of only 10% of the total number of such diploma holders.

According to the graph, women are more focussed on undergraduate studies than men are, consisting of 70% and 53% of undergraduate diploma and bachelor's degree population respectively.

Further analysing the graph, we can see that men have the upper hand in the post-graduation division comprising 70% and 60% of the total number of people having a post-graduation...

:)

Undergraduate / 'Keep moving forward' - Transfer: Introduce your self to Penn [3]

While my peers settled in one place, I moved with my family to the unpopulated Korean mountains and learned the survival skills in the wild.

I gained an adventurer's spirits during my childhood.

When I turned 15, I went to the United States, purely motivated by curiosity.

And I enjoyed the challenges, thrills, and excitement that I would get while living with the dairy farmers in northern Michigan and another year with a middle-class American family in Vermont.

. Now is the time to return to the school, and I greatly desire to immerse myself into the academics and prepare for the more challenging adventure: the real world. My new journey will continue.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'Demand for gasoline' - short econ paper [2]

Gas prices reached an all time high in February of this year.

Michael D. Shear of The New York Times reports in "GOP sees a chance to attack Obama

So all in all, it's a win win situation for the gas and oil companies! grrr, this all ticks me off!!! Good luck with school and have fun!!

:)

Undergraduate / 'smells of an open market' - Michigan State University Group Collaboration [2]

We easily found the vegetables needed for dinner tonight, due to the vastness of the market.

After bringing the ingredients home, the whole family gathered around to help cook the meal.

As months went by, I slowly assimilated into western society; I dissolved into the "melting pot". ---This is an awesome sentence!

He showed me the possibility of having fun while working, and helped liven up dull homework assignments.

Getting to know people who have different backgrounds, interests , and appearances helped me learn many different techniques for approaching problems.

:)

Undergraduate / 'engaged in my family company' - extracurricular activities or work experience [8]

After I Completed my high school, I was inhad trouble choosing a major of my study.

Afterwards, I just (became involved or began working) in my family's company.

During my stay at the company, I provided support to the employees of our company at their work in assembling or maintaining the generator sets.

Besides, I didI also helped in providing the consultation to the potential costumers about ...

This experience has fueled my interest in the electric field since then.

:)

Essays / Ideas? A five-page essay/autobiography describing personal and professional history [8]

Well what do you want to major in? How did you first become interested in your current field of study? What have you done so far to work towards your educational goals? What do you have in mind as a career? Once you get started, it should flow pretty easily. Good luck and have fun with it!

:)

Graduate / MY LETTER OF INTENT/STATEMENT OF PURPOSE FOR MASTERS IN AUTOMATION IN GERMANY [2]

Owing to my previous association with micro-controllers, I was able to have a good grasp of the subjects.

The aim of the project was to reduce material waste in Press Shop.

In the light of my excellent academic performance, I received a scholarship under the...

In order to keep abreast of the latest technological advances and to avail myself of the various faculties that German universities boast, I am keen to obtain my masters in Germany in the field of Automation.

...my objectives and I am confident that the wholesome education that I receive at your university will stand me in good stead throughout my career.

:)

Undergraduate / 'a Broadcast Journalist' - Common App Personal Statement (transfer) [2]

...and the fact that I was in college in Tallahassee stacked the odds against that I wouldme even being considered.

This choice of career has always been right in front of me.

I had also been dancing with a dance company since the age of two and was part of the "elite," which meant I danced my little toes ---(?)--- to various rehearsals and competitions in and out of state.

So naturally growing up with a limited amount of friends what was one to do? ---This sentence needs to be revised for clarity.

I became the youngest member of the South Florida's Writers Club and fell in love with the English language, media and scripts (which were part of my everyday life).

Coming to Florida State University, my natural course was to pursue my studies in Creative Writing, but my freshman year was extremely difficult for me.

A teenage tragedy took the life of one of my best friends, and it impacted me in a major way.

The University of Miami is one of the top five Journalism schools in the entire nation.

:)

Writing Feedback / educ. institutes have no rights to deter the students from the fields of study [3]

My doubt about this issue is how can an institute says a person is unsuccessful in his education?

The only stake (?) holder who can judge the result of his education is student, not the institutes.

There may be many reasons for a student not to be un successful in his education.

The r eason for his/her lagging has to be found and corrected by institutes.

So in this case if an institute dissuades the student without realizing the reason for his failure, it will ruin the life of the students.

Eventually this type of activity by the institutes will lead to demotivating the students from achieving his/her passion.

:)

Writing Feedback / what do you do to stay healthy ? [2]

Health is very important in your life, because you supposed to be and you can stay healthy by following some rules to live a good life.

Exercising, not only avoid toeating junk food, but also eating a lot of fruits and vegetables. ---Not a complete sentence.

In the following essay, I will explore this issue greater detail.---Wait, this was not part of the essay?

It just make us fatty and gives us less energy because the value of this food is lower than others food.---How so? Preservatives, sugar, corn syrup?

You should replace them with fruits and vegetables that provide a lot of fibers and vitamins.

To sum up ,it is better to be careful by choosing our food and practicing activity getting some exercise to stay healthy for ever.

:)

Writing Feedback / We should get benefits in the present - the investing in space research [3]

In recent years, the development of the space technology is becoming a hot topic in many science forums and there are different opinions about the spending money on this endeavor .

Some suggests that using the money for the intention of analysis space is advantages, however others do not agree like that.

Beside the advantages of the paying money on thefor looking into space activities, there are some disadvantages to it.

First, it is so new for the big investors to sponsor, adding many risks, and the biggest risk is regarding people, someone who died were the study participants.

After careful consideration of the above perspectives, I,--no comma here-- personally,---or here-- agree with one who said that spending on space science is the upper hand,...

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Research Papers / (selling a block of shares in Utopia) - MY BUSINESS LAW ASSIGNMENT [5]

At 6 p.m on Friday he changed his name and telephoned Alice. ---He changed his name? If he changed his name, how would she even know it was him? I say 'no contract'.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'This crystal is in remembrance of me' - story narration essay [4]

All the items are covered with a thick jacket of dust, it seemed like no one had touched them in a long while.

The crystal rested on my palms and my fingers wrapped around it perfectly.

But how is that possible, when I have never been to this place before and this crystal has not been touched in a long time?

This crystal was given to her when I was young.

I watched her as she walked away, watched her walked out of my life.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'felicitousness' Happiness is considered very important in life. [4]

In general meaning,happiness ---Always leave a space after each comma, period, or any other punctuation mark.

Some people hold the idea that happiness does not exist in the world, while others contend that it may be defined in tough times.

Because,when we lose our ability,---ability to do what?---it seems to us like we lose our happiness.

To conclude,there are so many factors that cause us to achieve happiness.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'College pressures' - on Illustration, narrative, cause, effect, contrast, compare. [3]

Many college students face a number of pressures. For instance, many college students have graduated from high school face a more rigorous regiment of learning.

For example, many students have to pay for their college on their own.

It was about four in the afternoon , and I was at my friend's house when the phone rang.

She proceeded to tell me that the ambulance had come and taken him.

Then the horror began, when I asked, "he's ok right"?

Later my family gathered and remembered the day that I recall as the worst day of my life...This sentence needs to be revised for clarity, as it doesn't really make sense.

People should recycle everything they can.

:)

Undergraduate / Elaborating on an extracirricular activity: Film [2]

I really like the way you wrote this!

Every motion picture is a masterpiece, whether it is deemed "good" or "bad" to the audience.

While sitting in the movie theaters with the big screen before me, I close my eyes for a minute.

What is it I hear? Footsteps, squeaky doors, gushing wind. None of these sounds are real.

I see a person. ---I think you should specify man or woman.---I observe his/her pose and attire.

:)

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: How important is sport or PE in a young person's education? [3]

With the The pressure of studies has been increasing .

More and more schools are giving up having physical education lessons currently.

Because participating in sports appropriately is a vital part in every juvenile's life.

They can relax themselves and release pressure of studying during the activities.

Furthermore, the majority of students are on the stage of developing their bodies.

What is more, doing sports could exercise all the muscles in the body, which is especially good for organs, like lungs or hearts.

Also, the daily needed energy could be accumulated day by day, which contribute much advantages to juveniles when they are growing.

Have fun in school and good luck!

:)

Graduate / (SOP) to Application for the Masters in Aerospace [6]

Since 2001, I have studied aeronautical engineering with enthusiasm at The Institute Of Aviation Engineering & Technology.

My special interests are in the field of aerodynamics, and I am also highly interested in aerospace engines and gas turbines.

Therefore the components for these have to be precisely manufactured, to satisfy demanding the requirements.

Since the beginning of my studies I've been fascinated by these Structural engineers that have very important responsibilities in aircraft/spacecraft design and operation.

Their main responsibility is to ensure the structural integrity of the flight vehicle while keeping the weight as low as possible, in order to produce a safe structure that is Optimal.

Put all commas and other punctuation marks right up against the last letter of the word or sentence.

I plan to work towards a master Program with a focus on Airframe Design, and I would also like to follow...

I am convinced of the u niversity's excellent reputation among its students and graduates.

Students from a variety of countries are currently enrolled at KFUM University doing research and working together successfully on demanding scientific projects. Therefore your University offers me the chance of a lifetime chance to become thoroughly...

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'Energy is the basis' - M.Sc. Petroleum Engineering [4]

Gas flaring and oil spillage are significant challenges in the petroleum industry, which affect the sustainability of the environment, and this has raised major issues in the world relations.

Though the problem of gas flaring can be harnessed and put into judicious use in the creation of energy, but most developing countries do not have the required facilities to carry out the control.

My choice of studying petroleum engineering is borne out of my zeal to contribute my quota towards the correction of the vices mentioned above.

My quick comprehension, my desire to improve my generation, and my resolve to continually develop my intellectual capacity, will make graduate study in petroleum engineering a challenge easily accomplished.---Great sentence!

Production engineering, an aspect of petroleum engineering, is a major topic that deals with the issues mentioned above, and this is the area in which I intend to carry out my research.

Great essay! Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / 'the chance to come and live in the United States' - Essay writing by a French [3]

During our lives, there are people who influence our decisions based on their personal characteristics, values and accomplishments and, pretty much, make us who we are.

I know with what I've lived through the past two years, that if I didn't have the chance to come and live in the United States with my cousin (who's actually my step father's cousin) my life would have taken a different turn .

Moreover, if I specify in reality that it's my step father's cousin it's to explain how a person that we admire can have all the same an impact on you, and can exceedingly any other relationships either family or friends.

This is a great introduction. You should tell what he has done for you, or how his support enriches your life. What is it about him that makes you admire and respect him, besides what he has done for you? Obviously he's compassionate and generous, and you're lucky to have him in your life! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / What is Marxism? [4]

A person that believes in Marxism believes in social and economical equality, and egalitarian, or equal, society.

"Marx called this final phase pure communism."(Mc Dougall Littell) "In Marxist theory, communism is a specific stage of historical development that certainly emerges from the development of the industrious forces that leads to an excess of material wealth".(en.goldenmap.com) He "described communism as a form of complete socialism in which the means of production"-all mines, lands, factories, businesses and railroads-"would be owned by people". He believed that "private property would in effect cease to exist", and that "all goods and services would be shared equally."(Mc Dougall Littell) "Marx never concluded whether communist society was unjust; others have speculated that he thought communism would transcend justice and create society without conflicts, therefore, without the needs for rules of justice." (plato.stanford.edu) "It would be a democratic society, enfranchising the entire population." (en.nkfu.com) ---I think that your essay is made up of way too many quotations. There are so many that it seems like a series of quotations that you just wrote fillers between.

Rather, it is a specific type of way a person views things.

Hmm, I guess I'm a Marxist!

:)

Undergraduate / 'photography for Life-long learning' - statement for degree of Creative Media [3]

I am interested in the programme because I known my path.

I am depending on photography for l ife-long learning and animation for Continuing Professional Development.

This programme will teach me that .

I enjoy the photographic life, sometimes I will behiking and captured the beautiful scenery; sometimes I will be riding bicycle and freedom of filming.

I also have participated in some photo competitions , and I was lucky enough to get some awards.

I realized I can't achieve this goal at this current level.

This programme can teach memore about animation, such as photography, storytelling, computer graphics, special effect etc.

Upon earning a degree, I will do a freelance to get more time to work on creative animation.

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Essays / Computer addiction - Need writing topic ideas for my cause and effect essay [8]

Great topic, with lots to write about! How about physical ailments, such as eye strain, back problems, lack of sleep and obesity? (I know someone who was quite addicted to World of Warcraft) I don't think you'll have any trouble keeping your essay interesting all the way through. Good luck and have fun with it!

:)

Undergraduate / Desire to obtain a degree in Nursing [2]

My desire to become a nurse is to make a positive contribution to the people I take care of.

My desire is to help improve the lives of others, to help take away their pain and suffering. of others.

I have the skills that this profession needs, which are communication and a knack for building positive relationships with others.

With a positive attitude, I can help my patients feel secure and instill trust in me.

I am someone who is dedicated to becoming a nurse, which is something I take seriously.

Nursing is a job that should be taken seriously and my desire is to dedicate my life to helping others .

:)

Undergraduate / 'maximized any and all opportunities' - Common App Transfer Essay [3]

This was when I dropped the ball so to speak.

It was sort of a snowball effect that soon became an avalanche, and then I had pretty much given up altogether on furthering my education.

I have spent the last several semesters teaching myself to be more studious through new and improved study habits, as well as practical applications in the classroom.

You did a fine job of fixing it up, now your essay is great! Good luck in school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / 'To read or not to read?' - Cause and effect essay [2]

I enjoyed reading, but not as much as playing on the playground.

As a result, I found that reading is more fun that it seemed, and because it was entertaining, it helped me learn English faster.---Excellent, as that's the fastest way to learn!

Sometimes readings are assigning by professors; sometimes I am willing to read for pleasure.---I just think this sounds better.

I learn new things every time I read. For example, I like to find out more about why we don't remember what our dreams.

... I woke up during mya nightmare, and the next morning, I remembered what it was.

Recently, I watched the Twilight movie and started to read the book, which was an amazing. book .

In the novel, her life changes when she saved the President and became a hero.

Looking back over those years, I feel that I have grown in many ways.

I am happy that I choose to read, and it has benefited me in many ways. Reading helps me learn English faster, increasing my understanding about things ---I would change this to 'life' and my friends.and my friends.

:)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL essay - 'University education should be only available for good students' [2]

The purpose of education is always a controversial topic among people and society, especially in high level education such as college or university.

Some people think that all students should deserve to be educated at this level.

However, in my opinion, it would be better to leave this type of type of training for a certain group of good, knowledgeable learners.

Unlike middle school or high school, universities and colleges require far a lot of ability and skills to keep up with an enormous amount of complex knowledge.

In fact, some students may be capable in high schools , but the pressure of higher education is tough even for talented ones.

Secondly, universities should only accept good students because it gives better human resources for sophisticated purposes.

Some people argue that this may lead to 'social division', when someone with high education refuses to do the so called 'low jobs', but actually it gives no harm to the whole community.

Ultimately, this improves the overall quality of education and gives the best people the opportunity to serve in the most necessary needs of the society.

:)

Writing Feedback / Being honest is the most important thing taken into account of the relationships [3]

I strongly disagree that being honest is the most important thing taken into account ofabout the relationships between people.

The main reason is that there are some situations where it's better for us to tell 'white lies' with good intentions.

As a friend, I'd like to give a compliment to one of my sensitive friends on her new painting.

Not only because she onlytook up her painting course not long ago, but also I think 'truth' may hurt her feelings.

(I don't know what's next to write after this example)---You could write something about a friend who asked how she looked in a new dress that she loved, while you thought the color or style was all wrong for her.

A recent research conducted by a college in Berlin suggests that patients who stay depressed about their conditions have less than 9.7 percent chances to recover from the illness.

(I don't know what's next to write after this example)---It's better for people to have hope, than to have none.

Finally, as far as l'm concerned, being altruistic and considerate is the important consideration for me to judge a relationship.

I would be feel comfortable with someone who is likely to take my feeling into account.

You've made some good points!

:)

Graduate / 'Theory of Machines, Thermodynamics, Internal Combustion Engines' - SOP [2]

I take this opportunity to describe my educational background and career objectives that have motivated me to pursue a career in mechanical engineering.

My candid and industrious efforts enabled me to gain admission in Mechanical Engineering at Malnad College of Engineering, one of the top ranking...

During the last two years of my experience at project stage, I came into contact with latest technical developments and skilled personalities.

With the variety of courses and comprehensive set of electives, your course structure is very appealing.

:)

Undergraduate / 'person conscious of of people's feelings' - family history, culture or environment [6]

Over the years, what seemed obvious to me hasn't exactly been proven "obvious" by the world.

Day by day, a feeling of disgust and disappointment overwhelm me when I realize peoples actions nowadays reflect tremendously, events such as the Holocaust.

I find it imperative to stand up for yourself and to stand for those who are too weak to stand up for themselves.

:)

Scholarship / China Scholarship Application for Grad School - International Business [4]

This scholarship will enable me to have a good quality education of good quality in International Management and step closer to my dream.

Thanks to my parents' arduous efforts in financing the living expenses and tuition fees for me and my three siblings, I have the chance to pursue higher education, and am now on my path to finishing my Bachelor...

After graduating from high school with first prize, together with an award for the student...

I was the minister (?) of the event planning department for photograph society in university for a year, and coordinator for the exchange students program for almost two years.

:)

Writing Feedback / what other factors should be considered to meause the success of a nation? [4]

Many social issues nowadays, taking high crime rates mostly caused by lack of education as an example, may disturb social stability and therefore in turn jeopardizesa countries' enhancement.

... have a well-developed economy, their citizens lead a stressful lives, which may engender a great deal of problems.

Education, technology and the quality of life also contribute to the success, and they are equally important.

:)

Writing Feedback / Today more people are travelling than ever before. Benefits and why? [5]

There is a clear trend that an increasing number of people choose to travel during their holidays.

This has substantially boosted the tourist industry's development.

And, ---No comma here.--- in turn, the benefits for individual travellers are significant.

For instance, passengers are currently able to reach further located destinations within an affordable price.

Coca Cola in United States, for instance, being a multinational enterprise has to assign their regional manager to travel back and forth to Beijing.

This can be illustrated by the fireworks event on New Years Eve in Sydney that attracts thousands of people from overseas.

First and most importantly, travellers can familiarize themselves with the local customs and traditions that they can hardly learn at home.

:)