Graduate / "finding a cure for cancer to ending world hunger" - PA Narrative [5]


You mean registering as a member of EssayForum, right? I know, it is a life-changing experience! :-)

As early as I can remember I have wanted a career in medicine. ---You know,k I think kids do this too often. They say, "I have always wanted to be an engineer..." etc. The reader will see a thousand essays that say "I have always been..." Use the writing rule: Show, don't tell. That means you should let the reader come to her own conclusion that you have always wanted.

I've always had an affinity for helping those in need; couple this with my fascination for medicine and my career path evolved.
Too common, too generic.

As a first generation college graduate my family wanted me to do everything from finding a cure for cancer to ending world hunger. ---I think the reader will like this sentence. It might be good to make this the first sentence of the essay!

There was however, a general understanding that I would do something in the health field. In college I was uncertain of which health career I wanted to pursue Yeah, yeah, get to the point! :o)

. At that point in my life the only medical careers I knew of where either a doctor or a nurse. Don't say that! Say you have been reading about various medical professions for many years.

Choose what to tell the reader! Everything you do, you should do it for a reason. Have a goal of making the reader know how dedicated you are to achieving success in your chosen field. Do that by showing that you ALREADY are reading lots of articles about medicine.

Oh, the essay gets better and more SUBSTANTIAL as I go along. I do not like the beginning, but I like at more as I continue to read, because you give specific examples of what you have done to pursue your aspiration. That is solid!

I like the "This is where I belong" theme.

Essays / informational interview (trouble to write an introduction about myself and my career) [3]


It sounds like this is an exercise in which you are supposed to gain insight from the interviewee.

So, start by thinking about what is important to you and what you do well. What do you hope to accomplish in this life?

Look to the future, and think of what you want to do. Set 5 goals for yourself. Then, use the interview as an opportunity to find out some things you need to know in order to achieve your goals.

You have to be tough, think hard, and look to the future. It is not easy to plan your life! :-)

Student Talk / Hi everyone! Welcome at EssayForum thread. [414]


Great encouragement and advice here! Yes, if you can ENJOY classes now, the undergrad years go by quickly, and grad school is sometimes even easier than the undergrad years.

:-)

Even if the years go by and you go back to school when you are older, it's okay. It doesn't matter when you do it as long as you enjoy each thing you do.

Writing Feedback / Results of a survey into the causes of poor school attendance in the Britain [2]

This pie chart shows the results of a survey about the causes of poor school attendance in the Britain in 2007.
There are five different causes: upbringing, both parents working, lack of school discipline, peer group pressure, and bullying.---good sentence!

Upbringing is the smallest, because it has 5% of causes shown on the pie chart.

Finally, peer group pressure has the same percentage as bullying, 15%.

Both parents working is more 35% of the cause, similar to upbringing.

Upbringing is less than 20% of the cause of...----- I am not sure how to fix the rest of this sentence!

However, the stripes are smaller and they have black colour. Peer group pressure has white crossed patters on black background. Bullying has black and white squared ----I don't think you need to describe this part. Maybe I am wrong. I think this task is all about writing sentences based on what information you get from the chart.

So, this is really the hardest kind of writing task. The REASON we use charts and graphs is because some information is easier to present that was instead of writing.

My advice is like this: Look at the chart, and make observations. Write a sentence about each observation you make. After you have written several sentences, use cut/paste to put them in a logical sequence.

:-)

Writing Feedback / Free mobile phone and access to the Internet to find jobs sponsored by tax payers? [9]

I don't know how those are scored. I would be guessing. Somebody told me about the way they score those tests, but I am no expert.

The most important thing is to identify your mistakes, learn how to correct them, and then think of other examples of situations where you could apply the rule you learned from each correction.

*** I had to move your other essay to a new thread. Please start a new thread for each essay. :-)

Research Papers / Classical Mythology - Which of these Thesis Statements is the best? [3]

In his writings, Shakespeare often appears to allude to...-------I made a couple small changes to fix typos here.

I guess I like the 5th one because it is simple, and it makes a statement that you can argue about. Someone might say, "No, the themes are similar because they are universal themes!" and you would argue that there are particular commonalities that are so specific to be coincidences.

As you write, imagine someone disagrees with you and that you have to persuade her. :-)

Essays / How do you start a Personal Narrative? (using a theme from the book, "The Alchemist") [3]

Usually, if we call something simple, it is because it is EASY to understand! I don't like the theme.

However, if I want to write a narrative (i.e. story) about something simple that is hard to understand, I might write about something like eating breakfast. We can argue that it is simple, but how can we say it is hard to understand after saying it is simple?

It's confusing! You'll have to be very creative. Something that is hard to understand is not simple! Can you choose a different theme? Or maybe someone more creative than I can help you, ha ha.

But the way to start a story is with some action, some interesting event. Envision the event in your mind, and see what sentence you hear spoken by that voice of the mind.

For inspiration, read a few pages from a good novel.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL: If no food at home we should have a restaurant in the neighborhood [4]

Hi Mostafa, remember this rule: Do not use ALTHOUGH with BUT.
You can choose one, but do not use both.
Although you can choose one, you should not use both.
Although you should choose one, but you should not use both .---This is incorrect.

Although many people oppose to this plan, but I support the building of a new restaurant in our neighborhood.

You can also do this:
Although many people are opposed to...

I prefer this plan because a new restaurant serves as a source of fun, helps us when we are in a hurry and need to eat food quickly, and helps us when there is no food at home.-----Type this sentence 100 times. It will teach you many lessons about English.

Most of the people in a society, especially in these decades, go into the restaurants as a way of having fun.

Furthermore, one of the most significant reasons for supporting this plan is that, lacking the materials or the groceries at home, especially at night when most of the supermarkets or the grocery stores have closed, people need an option if they get hungry.

:-)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - The government should support science research [12]

...there is a number of practical fields which are not supported by...-----------See the 2 changes I made?

There are two major reasons why I think so: the science is father of the other fields and it can be investment of the future.----I like this thesis statement!!! Great job.

First of all, the science is a fundamental ingredient of many studies. Many fields, from agriculture to engineering, are affected by the science, directly or not.---Do not use THE with science.

You did correctly use THE with COUNTRY:
Thus, the country should aid scientists who study...---Excellent.

Therefore, I cannot imagine how we can live without the science, so I claim that the government has to fund to science scientific study.

In conclusion, I claim that the government has to aid the scientists who study natural science. It is because science is father of the other areas of study, and it can be a source of competitive power in the future.

:-) Great job!!!!

Undergraduate / "umbrella concept to my identity" - About myself, common app essay [3]

This'd be a good place to switch the words around:
...a label with which I had become quite comfortable growing up.

Hogwarts is like any other school: a society of individuals all searching for a clear definition as to understanding of who they are and what they're destined to become.

As I grappled to define myself, I think back to how I had gotten here.
Perhaps it was the tribulations of my past or the uncertainty of my present that led me to such a passion -- a passion worth living for. a passion that is hard to formulate into words.

A passion that had shaped many aspects of my life.
I feel the need to simplify here. I don't think it helps to say it is hard to "formulate it" into words...

This is such an awesome essay... it was hard to find ways to criticize it! Welcome to EssayForum.

Writing Feedback / CAMBRIDGE ESSAY; Good teachers set challenging tasks for their students. [2]

The majority of people acquire a substantial amount of notions. ---This sentence is not incorrect, but it is a "statement of the obvious," and that is never good.

Fot this argument, t Teachers display a very crucial role in our lives, because they decide our syllabus at school.

First of all, challenging tasks in one's education life from primary school to university have a very important role.----great sentence!!

Everyone has theoretical knowledge and gets a decent education, but many people do not have the ability of creative thinking.

be careful about the spelling: Children should understant

In conclusion, from my point of view, the kinds of tasks that contribute to our personal development include: projects, homework, and presentations.

Keep practicing with us! Your English is not perfect you! I am impressed, though...

Essays / Help on Second Language Acquisition (Ellis's Ten Principles of Instructed Language) [4]

Are you supposed to critique Ellis? Or are you supposed to use the 10 principles in order to critique something else?

Anyway, here is my brilliant advice for you. I call it brilliant because if you follow it your job will be easy:
Start by writing about whatever it is that you are critiquing. How will you write about it? You'll write about it by talking about how well it demonstrates the principles of language instruction as you have been learning them.

Remember Bloom's taxonomy? One of the things you need to be able to do is "evaluate," so your teacher wants to make sure you are able to use what you have been learning this semester in order to EVALUATE something.

I hope that helps you! Does it?

Writing Feedback / IELTS --Use cultural heritage to develop international tourism, right or wrong? [4]

Hearing some environmental activists' concerns about the negatives brought by international tourism, much worry arose in my heart as well in terms of commercial sweeping and the damage to cultural heritage.-----I made several small changes here...

...tend to go in Starbucks near the ...

Promoting the tourism of cultural heritage, however, may appeal to a variety of visitors whose behavior may damage the indigenous, natural environment. ---I just made a small change at the end. Great sentence!!

Thus the cultural heritage could be better protected as more money will be allocated for the preservation of cultural landmarks, buildings, and so forth.----I added a few words.

you seem to have deep understanding of tourism, that double-edged sword.

:-)

Writing Feedback / TOEFL, The best things in life do not cost money, agree or disagree [9]

...like buying a house and paying educational tuition, as well as paying taxes on time.

Growing technology in the world causes people to tend to be busier while earning money.

They allot all the time to think about how can their expenses should be paid and...

According to psychologists, money is...

Based on a research study conducted in the United States, the...

How much does the kindness of a mother cost?---Excellent example!

For example, among the rich people, divorce is more common in comparison with the other levels of society. They believe that by spending money one...

can reach everything, but actually real love cannot be achieved by spending money.

:-) I like your ideas! I want to mention that I agree with you, but also I know that without money people often suffer. So, money is important, too! If we lived in the wilderness, survival skills would be meaningful. We live in a society, so the skill necessary to make money is a survival skill.

Undergraduate / "To get my Bachelor's Degree in Digital Media" - Why UCF? [5]


Well, I am not asking you to do something that is impossible. It's like this: You might be a student who does not think about the future very much, or you might be a student who feels very passionate about something and therefore does a lot of reading about the subjects of interest.

If you read insatiably as the result of caring deeply about something, then you will automatically have a plan that includes several goals. You will be hurrying to achieve those goals that come as a result of the reading you have been doing. It's all about the reading.

So far, all you did was say you want to get involved with creating video games, but why? Could it be because you mistakenly think making games will be as fun as playing them? Or is it because of something that is truly important to you as an artist? Give some sentences that will make me believe that you really know what you want to do.

Otherwise, I will favor the applicants who are acting on a philosophy of life, a real commitment to something you think is truly important. If you represent an important concept, you will BE important, and the reader will favor you.

Writing Feedback / IELTS> 'strict policies' - urbanisation - benefits and drawbacks [16]


You know, you might be right. I do not have a lot of experience with the IETLS.

I wonder if you are able to access an example of an essay that gets a high score. That would help.

Keep in mind, everyone who scores the test is just a human. She might interpret the scoring criteria differently than another judge interprets it.

Anyway, I know one thing: When you want to write web content, a novel, a professional letter, etc., the most powerful way to communicate is with short sentences.

That is why Yoda and Zen masters usually use short sentences. ;-)

Graduate / Costa Rica: Narrative for Physician's Assistant School: (explain motivations) [3]

I'm going to move a comma:
Being a science major and rational thinker, every hour of my day and every decision that I make is methodically planned.

With what little research I had time to do in between my reservation and departure date two weeks later, I expected a little English to be spoken and the weather to be warm and comfortable. ---I moved a comma and took out a comma. Look at Strunk and White for good ideas about how to use commas.

...dissimilar as I could have imagined. ----dissimilar is not the right word to use, because it is usually used to compare two things. You mean UNFAMILIAR.

Try to get rid of THAT whenever you can:
I know that the experiences I have had traveling coupled with ...

Okay, pretty good, but now it is time to cut some players from the team. That is, cut some of the least important sentences from the essay. This has a heavy feeling to it, a wordy feeling. Also, I think you should do something in the intro to create a connection between cross country and that costa rica experience... connect them in the reader's mind, connect them to the main theme of the essay, and the whole thing will pack a harder punch.

:-)

Graduate / healthcare provider with training in various subspecialties-PA school narrative essay [5]

Don't include a wishy washy sentence:
However, I began to pursue my interest in becoming some sort of a healthcare provider. ---Making that small change makes it less wishy washy.

Upon researching career options, Streamline, cut the fluff.

I discovered physician assistant medicine on a satisfactory career option list. I learned that a physician assistant works under a medical doctor as an extension of primary healthcare in multiple medical settings. Their career training levels varied from bachelor's degree to master's degree, a plus----Hey, don't just describe the profession to them. I think you should cut this part:

a physician assistant works under a medical doctor as an extension of primary healthcare in multiple medical settings It sounds like a vocabulary lesson.

If Seeing is believing, and shadowing has been a catalyst for my motivations.

apostrophe: The patient's medical problem would...

:-)

Undergraduate / "The Biggest Change of My Life" - UF admission, A Senior in High School [10]


No matter what the topic is, the way you write about it will reflect your unique aspiration.

In this case, you have to find some connection between the aspiration that is driving you onward in this prgm and the contribution you'll make to the community.

What is the single most important word you could use to express your interest/aspiration? That word can express what you will contribute to the community, too.

:-)

Graduate / Fracturing my C7 spinous led me to verify my decision to become a Physician Assistant (PA) [8]


Check the spelling.

...his expectations about the recovery process. ----I like ABOUT a little more...

Each time I left the office I was extremely satisfied with the care that I was receiving. Now it's getting redundant.

I'll move a comma:
I was able to witness how a PA works, autonomously treating patients while still being part of

I truly believe that a PA is the most unique and gratifying profession in the healthcare industry. ---I don't believe you! You can't make a claim like this without backing it up somehow... I mean, there are a LOT of roles you will probably play over the course of your career. I don't know how you can say being a PA is the MOST gratifying. I think you should say something slightly different there.

Besides that, I think this is such a strong essay. It is convincing, because you really show that you have some understanding of the profession and a lot of enthusiasm. If you cite some recent medical research, it will be even better!

:-)

Writing Feedback / Free mobile phone and access to the Internet to find jobs sponsored by tax payers? [9]

...climbs up very high, which creates big troubles to the economic system.

Free mobile phones and free access to the...

...for unemployed people to find jobs.

Economic situation will improve significantly for both the government and its citizens.

... leads to a dramatic increase in income tax and goods and services tax, which is known as GST.

:-)

Essays / what to write an essay about "Hope" [4]

No, don't do it that way. It's not an essay about hope. It's a story about hope. A narrative is a story.

Google this: how to write a narrative essay

You should think of a story about a time you had an experience with hope.

You can start like this:

I learned about hope when I was...________ (Where were you?)

:-)

Dissertations / Proposal of Dissertation, Critique and Communism [3]

You English is clear and sophisticated. However, when you explain your focus here it is not very clear. Whenever you deal with complex subject matter, make sure you use short, clear, simple sentences to make your points. "possible and even necessary..." What does this mean? Does it mean "applicable?" It is applicable today "only if it handles the crisis of the transcendental." I think it is important to add a sentence that will make the reader really understand the meaning you intend.

I have to remove the rest of the material from EsayForum, because i found it on "blog.naver.com"... is that your blog? We have to be very careful to avoid plagiarism at EssayForum. Please don't post any material here if it appears somewhere else on the Internet. :-/

Your English is solid, but I think you should try harder to clearly express the main idea you are tackling. Sometimes, complex subject matter and complex sentences can make a situation in which you do not actually have a clear message/concept to share with the reader.

Thanks for posting, I'm sorry I had to remove it!

Writing Feedback / Ielts: Your friend has enough money either to go on a holiday or to buy a new [3]

either to take a holiday or purchase to spend for a new bike. He does not know which to choose. Personally, if i were him, i would go on a holiday for personal enjoyment and self-perfection.---I like the word self-perfection! Thanks for teaching me this word... It is a useful, meaningful concept.

That is the primary reason that I suggest he should spend time doing what he wants to do.

... and make him love the life more.

but also improves some of his living skills.

When you make an argument, always give a few sentences to consider the counter-argument. In this case, you should talk about the benefits of buying a bike, and then talk about the fact that these benefits are not as good as the benefits of a vacation. :-)

Graduate / MBA program in USA international business schools - managerial decision making. [3]

I hardly believe in the expression, "We live once, but if we live right, once is enough," so, I must make the right decisions about my education and my career. because they are going to live with me throughout my life and they were, are and will be my loyal friends and help me in achieving my goals in life. ----The sentence was too long. It was too obvious, too.

I have to choose right to never repent in the future. ----Eerybody can say this! So, do not include it in the essay. Start with A POWERFUL IDEA.

I am a very active and intelligent person.----This is not good enough. Anyone can say this. I think you should talk about your personal philosophy of business, and talk about some books and articles you have recently read.

I am a young woman with technical aptitude and so much interest in management SHOW the interest by discussing what you have been reading.

I think a good education combined with necessary experience equips one with right attitude, freedom and confidence to face the world and its challenges. Do not include stuff like this. It is "fluff." It does nto have real meaning.

You need a plan with several short term goals. What are you reading this week? Maybe it is Blue Ocean Strategy. What is the goal you hope to accomplish this week?

What are the goals you hope to accomplish during your first semester at this school?

Almost all of the essay is fluff. Here is a part that is not fluff:
After 5 years of experience in team working, selling, training, adjusting selling teams and plans, controlling, leadership and negotiating with customers, now I have came to realized that besides gaining experience in Iran it is important and very useful to be educated and work in a country that is more developed in these fields. , so, I could gain more confidence in my work and become a more knowledgeable person. That is a real insight from real experience. It is not fluff.

You should revise the essay so that every sentence is important (not obvious). And also, tell the reader about your plan and about what you have been reading recently.

:-) I'm sorry to be so critical! But it is very important that you learn how to avoid the fluff.

Writing Feedback / IELTS> 'strict policies' - urbanisation - benefits and drawbacks [16]


They gave a stupid question here. It does not make you want to write an essay with a clear message.

Even if they give a stupid prompt like this, add a clear message to your essay.

Add a message to the end of that first paragraph. Send a message to the reader's mind. This is not just about listing benefits and drawbacks. It is about making an astute observation that will be MEMORABLE to the reader.

Do you know what I mean? It is what I always say: One essay = One big idea.

more bad is felt to be resulted from this phenomenon than good.---make this argument at the end of the first paragraph, and give a reason.

As such, the rapidly increasing trend...

Undergraduate / Education Budget Cuts, the significance of an issue that is important to me- UT [2]


Yeah! Because nobody cares about education. Lawmakers have incentive to do what will help the big financial interest groups, because that way these groups will support them (the politicians). But the kids in school cannot support the politicians, so the politicians forget about them!!

...hear hypocritical politicians...

Great job, I love it. I think it will be a successful essay. If this was my essay, I would want to cite some recent research studies that support your argument. You wrote this very well, but the idea is still SIMPLE. It is obvious. I think it is already a strong essay, but if you look at some research articles you can dig deeper and make specific suggestions based on the research data.

Book Reports / Compare and Contrast "The Bluest Eye" and "Catcher in the Rye" [2]


Just take one small step. Do you know what I mean? Just do one small thing to get started.

Write about innocence and the message Morison gives about innocence.
Then, of course you can write about what we learn about innocence from Catcher.

How are those 2 messages similar? How are they different?

Sparknotes often helps a lot when you want to really understand the theme of a piece of literature. Look on Sparknotes before going back to the books. Write a paragraph for me... a paragraph about how innocence is treated in one of the books.

Just start with a small step. :-)

Undergraduate / "To get my Bachelor's Degree in Digital Media" - Why UCF? [5]

Tulili, I love your writing style, but I do not love the focus of the first part of the essay.

The reader does not need to hear about how you panicked, how you were slow to choose a school. I think the essay should begin here:

I am more than 100% sure I want to study Graphic Design and Animation. It was the thought of trying to choose the perfect school that shook me to my core. Or rather, ending up at ...

What is the reason you choose this school? Is this the reason: my recent visit to the Florida Interactive Entertainment Academy that captivated me like no other school could.

Make the reader understand that you have a real plan and that you want to carry it out. Make the reader understand that you can carry out your plan in the best way if you attend this school. Show the reader that it is important for you to atend this school rather than some other school. :-)

Writing Feedback / "girls tend to learn arts while boys science" uni. accept equal numbers of students? [3]

I'll make some grammar corrections. Please practice typing these sentences:

Confronted by a situation in which girls are proven to learn arts more often while boys choose science for often, educators begin to feel concerned about the imbalance of male and female graduates in each major.

Personally, I do not think it is a feasible plan-for two reasons. One is that ________________________________, and the other is that ____________________________. (Name the reasons)

Scientific research has been proved that different genders has different personalities.

In addition, the ideal of equal human rights grants men and woman equal access to education.

:-)

Undergraduate / My English teacher, Ms. Pearson, someone that has impacted my life- UT [6]


That is the challenge! See, the esay will not be simplistic at all if you USE THIS DISCUSSION of an important person ... use this discussion as an OPPORTUNITY to help the reader understand and appreciate what you are all about.

See what I mean? The person you choose to discuss ... you choose this person because of what she represents to you. The person you choose and the way you discuss her are going to tell the reader a lot about how focused you are on carrying out your plan.

:-)

Grammar, Usage / Communication in contexts. What does it mean? [15]

Do not type the same sentence twice:
I am the type of individual who wishes to leave a lasting impression on everyone that I encounter. Due to myself wishing to leave a lasting impression on everyone I meet, For that reason, I decided to begin my career in the tourism sector. I got a Hotel Management diploma in L'INSTITUT SPECIALISE DE L'HOTELLERIE ET DE LA RESTAURATION AGADIR.I trained and worked for

My ultimate goal is to gain communication skills necessary to let me succeed in my job as well as to be able to understand and react to different communications in different contexts.-----Great sentence! But I think this is not the ultimate goal. What is your real ultimate goal? This goal is just a means to an end.

:-)

I think you did a great job with this. It will be even better if you get more specific about what difference you want to make in your field or in society.... what are some of the goals you have for your career? This essay just says you want to improve your communication skill, but can you tell more about what you really want to do in this life?

Student Talk / O level English result - what are the criteria? [11]

Is this about the IETLS or TOEFL, or some other test? I don't know what "o level" you are talking about....

Writing Feedback / [more alternative explanations]- Argument-15-by shiyi [2]

However, if we examine the facts carefully, we can find one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation. ( Think you should add a sentence to the end of the first paragraph. Can you sum up your MESSAGE TO THE READER in a single sentence?)

In addition, the author cites that many serves surveys have reported...

In a word,(what word???) one or more explanations can plausibly account for the fact presented in the argument. The proposed explanation is not unique or unexceptionable.---------If you say "In a word," you have to give a single word that is excellent for describing it.

:-)

I think a great way to succeed with an essay like this is to use the information from the discipline called "critical thinking." Google this: logical fallacies, list

Writing Feedback / 'different styles and constructions'; Preserving old historical buildings? TOEFL [4]

I don't like the first sentence, because it is a statement of the obvious.

2 words: Every day

typo: improved fуnctional capacity.

Keep the verb tense the same:
On the other hand,the old historical buildings show us our traditions and the specific architectural history. Also due to these old buildings we can see the improvement of the architecture through the years. However the design of the modern buildings is connected with all contemporary things we use in our daily life. Due to this modern design we can easily see the improvement of today's society.

In conclusion, buildings have different styles and constructions. They show us different periods of our lives. Some of the old buildings are dangerous for people, and therefore they s...

I think you should add a sentence to the conclusion paragraph -- a sentence that tells the reason for your opinion: Should a city try to preserve its old historical buildings? You said they SHOULD be repaired, and I think you should also give the reason why.

:-)

Writing Feedback / GRE Issue - the word thinking is tightly coupled with the word originality, which cannot be detached [8]


I think the most important suggestion is this:
Begin with a word. Then, a sentence. Let one word grow into a sentence, and let one word grow into a paragraph.

What if I ask you whether parents are the best teachers? When you hear that question, what WORD comes into your mind? What concept? Write a sentence about the CONCEPT THAT COMES TO MIND.

After you write that sentence, you might want to write a few more sentences to explain what you mean and give an example. That is how a sentence grows into a paragraph.

Always start with one word. That is how to get the essay to flow forward powerfully, focused on one great concept.

One Essay = One big idea.

:-)

Letters / Need a cover letter, application writing for the postDoctoral position (science) [3]


The most impressive letter is one that explains a GOAL you want to achieve. What is most important to you in life? I think the most important concept, the one that seems most important to you, is the concept that makes you choose physics as your career of choice.

So, was it a book you read? What got you to want to study physics? Also, what do you hope to accomplish in the next 5 or 10 years?

Some students have a vision of the future, and other do not. Which type are you?

:-)

Writing Feedback / Ielts: (career / life experience) - Why do people go to university or college? [5]

I like the way you summed up your argument in that first paragraph. Very good stuff here. In a good essay, the main MESSAGE is given in a succinct way in the intro and then it is explained in detail. I think that is what you did here.

It is common that students have the opportunity to discuss and work in groups, so they...

For someone, Studying at college means an independent life in another city starts, through which they know how to take care of themselves and meliorate living skills.

I'm pretty confident that you can pass that ielts!!

Writing Feedback / IELTS : The two graphs show the main sources of energy in the USA [2]

One graph depicts...
Two graphs depict...
English has weird rules for singular and plural.

The two graphs depict the changes of energy sources in the USA across 10 years period.

I'll add a comma here:
Coal supplied the third largest energy in 1980, increased its proportion from 22% to 27% and overtook natural gas, becoming the second largest energy provider.

Hydroelectric power and nuclear power made up equally 5% in 1980, with nuclear power doubling the market share in 1990.

:-)

Graduate / Master in Petroleum Engineering emphasize in Fracture Modeling [4]

I believe it is curiosity that makes me able to live a real life.

I believe it is enthusiasm that triggers my adrenaline and raises my heartbeat, driving my real life.

I made some corrections above... However...
I always tell people this: cut "I believe" for a stronger sentence.
I believe It is curiosity that makes me able to live a real life.
I believe it is e Enthusiasm is what triggers my adrenaline and...
At the end of the intro paragraph, I think you should express the CONCEPT that drives you and builds your enthusiasm, the concept that makes you want to enter this field.

Verb tense:
During my final assignment with Prof Doddy Abdassah, I finally knew a little...

uninterested
Being uninterested in working, I chose...

Because I still have not gotten the message about why Dr. XXX uses XFEM instead of Galerkin Method, and it drives my curiosity to apply to XXX and perform...---I like this part.

This is so impressive! I see that your English is not perfect, but your FOCUS is perfect. Great job... very specific aspirations are the most persuasive...