Holt Educational Consultant
Oct 21, 2016
Undergraduate / My village and its customs that changed my life! [25]
Here is how I think you can transition the sentence. You can start with:
... discovered that the cause of her illness cause was the shock she received on getting married at the early age. When she got better, my father decided that it was time to move our family to Kathmandu. From time to time, I would go back to Kaudena for a visit.
One of my visits to Kaudena...
As I recall, your family moved when you were 8 right? So you have to reference that in your essay so that the reviewer will know that there is a transition coming up. What you wrote was the actual information in a new paragraph. When you are writing a narrative essay such as this, you always need to prepare a transition sentence or sentences because without it, the reader tends to get confused and lose his place while reading. In this case, a simple, yet informative transition is required just to make the change of topic seamless.
Here is how I think you can transition the sentence. You can start with:
... discovered that the cause of her illness cause was the shock she received on getting married at the early age. When she got better, my father decided that it was time to move our family to Kathmandu. From time to time, I would go back to Kaudena for a visit.
One of my visits to Kaudena...
As I recall, your family moved when you were 8 right? So you have to reference that in your essay so that the reviewer will know that there is a transition coming up. What you wrote was the actual information in a new paragraph. When you are writing a narrative essay such as this, you always need to prepare a transition sentence or sentences because without it, the reader tends to get confused and lose his place while reading. In this case, a simple, yet informative transition is required just to make the change of topic seamless.