Writing Feedback / Essay on your reading proccess [2]

The literature I read is mainly non- fictional , and educational. Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer and Eat, Pray and Love by Elizabeth Gilbert are among the non-fictional books I have read.

When I read, I retain approximately eighty percent of the content.

I plan on reading more every day ---2 words--- to improve my reading skills.

My goal is to read two hours every day.

When I study read, the rate of reading is different from recreational reading, since study reading requires deep readingconcentration .

:)

Writing Feedback / Causes and solution of problems faced by school because of student behavior. [2]

In a number of countries, a significant issue faced by schools is student behavior.

In this essay I will look at a few major causes of it, and propose a solutions for them.

Firstly, it is confirmed by statistics that a majority of children display rowdy attitudes at school because either their parents are going through a divorce or they are single parent children .

This results in them becoming more and more attention needy.---You seem very perceptive and caring!

Secondly, the punishment withthat a misbehaving child is given is not always harsh enough.

Because of this, there seems to be no change whatsoever in their attitude.

In fact, such a child will recommit his mistakes as long as he believes he can live through such light punishments.

Regarding the second cause, the school ought to come up with new punishments which are harsh enough to make children reconsider their actions before misbehaving.

:)

Undergraduate / 'interested in current events' - UMD Supplement- Citizen Journalism 300 words [2]

It was with this story that made me realize that any individual could influence public opinion by the manner in which he portrayed events.

By their use of words, emotion, and acting, they could, in effect, control the feelings of their audiences.

That sounds like a great class! Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'rural haven developed' - University of Michigan Supplement Essay Draft [3]

We Boyne Falls nestlings, ranging from velcro shoe models to All-State athletes, always uncovered our own fun.

This park was unaffordable for most families in the area, instantly becoming the animosity of every parent in town.---This is good writing! I like how you worded it.

I really like your essay! You're an excellent writer, descriptive and amusing. You can tell by the essay, that you're intelligent and well spoken. Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'the mascot of Olin was a phoenix' - Supplement- Is Olin a good fit for you? WHY? [3]

This was one of the criteria that I used as I started my college search- I wanted a school that wasn't just concerned with transmitting knowledge, but one that takes the abstract and detached world of engineering and brings it down to a personal level.---I like the way you write!

I looked all over the country- and then I found Olin. I discovered not only a design-based college that had achieved a unique balance between practice and theory, but also a haven, one that encourages both leadership as well asand teamwork.

The design-based classes emphasize creativity and imagination by giving students the opportunity to define what's important,to do without teachers telling them.

This is a place where the learning style, the passion of the students, and the teacher's enthusiasm would all complement what I would bring to the table- passion for both learning and helping others learn, a vast imagination, and a steadfastness that I apply to every problem I come up against.

... such as integrity and openness to change, but that it emphasizes an spirit of partnership that is reflected in its curriculum.

...key for leaders to realize that you can achieve more by helping others achieve their own potentials and empowering the m, than by deciding who should lead.

:)

Undergraduate / 'multiple events serving my community' - FSU admission essay 2012 [2]

Throughout the years, I have been introduced to a plethora of new things; good and bad.

I've had the privilege to partake ---participate in multiple events in which I've served my community.

Each one has brought me a great deal of pleasure, although one stands out from the rest.

At the time, she was eight years old and it was her inadequate amount of clothing that left me heavyhearted.

It saddened me to learn that she was the oldest of three other children, and had chosen to give up her clothing to her younger and more necessitous siblings.

It would come with great honor to be a part of the FSU community and be granted the opportunity to work with students who find service as an enjoyable and essential part of life.

:)

Undergraduate / Hedy Lamarr, the Actress and Inventor (Write about a person who influences you) [3]

The stereotypical genius is a man with glasses and a calculator, while the token beauty ...

Imagining a woman whom ishas both beauty and brains is easy enough.

Finding the real thing is hard. ---I'm pretty sure a lot of people will be extremely offended by this statement.

Onscreen sex symbol with a giant secret.---This sentence is incomplete.

She was as brilliant as she was beautiful. Hedy befriended a composer named George Antheil, and together...

She gives me a sense of pride in myself as I step into the male dominant field of engineering.---It sounds as if you are saying that even though you are strikingly beautiful, you believe in yourself.

:)

Writing Feedback / Life Experience Essay on religious beliefs and how it effects my choices in friends [2]

...wary of people who were practitioners of other religions; Jehovah's Witnesses , Atheists, Mormons, etc.

This often led to me having disagreements with other people when I went to public schools.

When I entered my public high school as a freshman I had only two friends I knew and was close with.

I was, and still to this day, am a serious advocate of the Pro-Life cause.

On the "National Day of Silence" I spent the day being called names and laughed at by a lot of my peers.

Later, I was introduced to a group of people through a mutual friend.

This experience helped open my eyes to the fact that true friends are not some thingspeople you can choose by religion.

Religion may be what we all believe in, but who we are as people is shown through our actions and how far we are willing to go to protect those we care about.

:)

Writing Feedback / "couch potatoes" - the luxuries and conveniences of contemporary life - Gre Issue [2]

Modern luxuries and conveniences have certainly helped our society become more independent as a whole; specifically by freeing historically marginalized groups of people from their stereotypical roles. ---This is excellent writing!

Contemporary technology during World War II gave women opportunities outside of the field of battle to fight, and ultimately work, outside of the home.

In the twenty-first century, we saw the advent of the Internet and watched it grow to be ubiquitous throughout the world.

Some might argue, ---I don't think there should be a comma here.--- though, that modern luxuries such as televisions and computers provide too "cushy" of a lifestyle, and turn otherwise hard-working individuals into lazy, dependent "couch potatoes."

You are such a good writer, to the point and no wasted words. Good luck with school!

:)

Undergraduate / HMC FAST Essay--What do I hope to gain from my college experience? [2]

I am expecting college to be a positive experience for me that will help shape me and allow me to discover who I really am.

Even though I have had some experiences and faced obstacles that required a more complex...

All ofThese projects took many different attempts and failures until I found the best setup.

Not only were the results personally rewarding, but I was actually beginning to think more creatively and actively.

Those who are not willing to try new approaches to any type of problem may stay stuck in one place and will not advance much further in life.

:)

Writing Feedback / highest purpose of university education, personal or national goals? [2]

Many individuals wonder the about the highest purpose of university education.

The founders of tertiary institutions all around the world surely had in their minds a platform for young adults...

This process will then benefit a country, like Singapore, which relies heavily on its human resources to advance.

On the other hand, the highest purpose of university education needs not be just one of the two; it can be the combination of both.

This will encourage individuals to set personal goals in line with the national aims. Therefore, both objectives should be present in university education for people and nations to thrive concurrently.----Really good points!!

In conclusion, both the achievement of personal goals and the fulfillment of national aims should be the highest purpose of university education.

:)

Speeches / Room 101 Speech (Something I hate) - Help With Development? [5]

Therefore, Room 101 is a room of basic introduction(s)? .

Fear is the art of not understanding a situation fully.---I like the way you write! Thank you for breaking up my day with some good writing!

It's not the scariest of films, but it fits my cause perfectly.

:)

Writing Feedback / Go out to work (both parents have to work nowadays) [12]

If we look at past times past , we can see many families, which consisted of a father who went out to work and a mother who stayed at home and looked after the children.

However, it is much more different today, and many families think that it is important for both parents to go out to work.

Some people believe that children whose parents both go out to work have more access in their everyday life.---Access to what?

Because, tTheir parents are able to afford more things such as new clothes, up to dated computers and mobile phones and video games.

On the other hand, there are people who claim that children who are in positions like this are less likely to get enough support and attention, and this means they may not do as well with their studies.

Because there is no one who can provide with support such as to dowith homework or revision.

:)

Writing Feedback / My life changed the morning I witnessed my friend have a diabetic seizure. [5]

I think your opening sentence is perfect, as it is an attention grabber, making your essay immediately interesting. It's the ones that start with 'since as far back as I can remember...' that are sure to be boring. When you make it personal, as you're doing, whoever reads it will see you more as a person than just another essay. I can tell already, that you're a good writer, so I think you'll do fine. When you're finished, send it back through and we'll have another look.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'Strokes' - Mental Illness Bipolar Disorder [2]

While working with individuals diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I've learned...

Complete and proper diagnoses of mental illnesses, symptoms associated with them, and providing adequate treatment needs to be a main objective compared to focusing on new drugs that most can't afford.

Mental Illness has always been looked upon as something that is associated with being week, lacking control over ones self.

Mental illness is a condition that alters a person's thoughts , emotions, ability to communicate and function daily.

For years, families have placed their loved ones in facilities whose primary focus was those who were diagnosed with severe mental illnesses.

Manic depression is currently known as bipolar disorder, an illness that causes severe high and low mood changes within a person.

...symptoms include loss of energy, feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness, difficulty with concentration and decision making, not to mention thoughts of death or suicide (Fawcett, Golden, and Rosenfield 32).

Researchers have identified a gene that may be linked to this disorder.

:)

Graduate / 'three experiences' - Peace Corps Essay 2012 #1 [2]

Since my first visit to France I knew that there would be cultural differences, however I had no idea to what extent that they would be.

We were given seminars on cultural differences and this was helpful, but the real challenge was finding the unspoken boundaries without having crossed them, and other unspoken cultural rules.

Adjusting is not always easy and I had to quickly learn that cultural differences can easily give way to misunderstandings.---You should use some examples, to make your essay more personal and interesting.

My time spent in Paris has taught me how to handle cultural differences, like how to learn about others cultures as well as give lessons about my own.

From this experience, I have learned not only how to build a community, as well asbut to also successfully integrate myself into one.

Being in a position of authority, it is not always easy to gain the trust of my residents.

Good luck in the Peace Corps, and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'the day I changed inside forever' - University of Colorado Boulder Essay [3]

Our training taught us to expect the unexpected, but what I learned stretched far beyond.

For this was not just a job or responsibility; it was our passion. The fellow men and women I had the pleasure of spending many years with overseas came from all aspects of life which culminated into a melting pot of diversity in the workplace. My experiences through the military will bring CU Boulder campus both leadership and diversity, w hile my hope, ---no comma here --- is to garner an education that excelspropels me to my utmost potential.

The multitude of time---'Multitude' doesn't seem like the right word here. Maybe 'amount'? --- in training came to fruition in the early hours.

We respected each others' differences, and through that were able to attain an unspoken camaraderie.

Good luck with school!

:)

Writing Feedback / Spanking kids isn't all good [3]

Spanking children has been a practice for many centuries. Infact,it is hard to imagine a time when children were not punished for antisocial behavior . I have to say, you might consider brushing up your opening statement a bit, and remember, after every period (.) comes a space..

First,violence is the most harmful effect of this action.It urges the children to do bad things against their parents.Parents should understand their child's condition and try to figure out what the problem is.If it is continousely happens,children hate their parents as well as their teachers too...good point...discipline by means of violence and tantrums screams hypocrisy, doesn't it??

Second,this type ofthese actions may lead the children to emotionally stressed and tired lives.The fact is they can't really behave normal even at home.

Ok, In my opinion, you do not need to emphasize things like "second and third". Also, your closing statement is weak and confusing. I urge you to stick to one opinion or another...spanking and logic/reason do not seem to go hand in hand. Otherwise, good work!!

Grammar, Usage / Doubts about expression: "going to the cinema" [5]

Yes, to answer your question, it is appropriate to use "going" the way you have, bt if you are doubting or second guessing yourself, you can replace the word with "at" or "I tend to find myself, on my freetime, at.... The previous suggestions look good too. Good luck, and just a side note, if it was worth it to you to enquire about one word, in one sentence, then consider yourself n the right track. It shows that you have a passion for quality work, and getting your point across in the most effective way. :) Cool

Writing Feedback / 'equally in every subject' - univerities to accept equal numbers of males and females [3]

"Education is the right of every student". Though this is a known fact, still the girls are not allowed to join certain groups of subjects in education. But, in many aspects it has been proven that girls can do equally well as if boys.

To begin with in the present world women are competing with men in every aspect. They have proven their ability that with hardwork and dedication they can touch the heights.

Now if we consider the medical field, there are certain branches for which females are thought to be ineligible. Such as, "Orthopedics". People believe that women are very delicate and they cannot handle client's with fracture, dislocations of bones, etc. but, if given chance they can prove themselves to be as equally skilled Orthopedicians as males. In a nutshell, Universities are supposed to give equal number of opportunities for both the gender equally in every subject.

Please consider one final sentiment including your OWN belief.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay: Popularity of movies in all over the world. [4]

In early days, movies were not as popular as today. Nowadays, movies are one of the most popular forms of entertainment.
Everyone wants something to enjoy and watching movie is one of the best option for entertainment and I think that, this is the most important reason of why movies are most popular in all over the world. Popularity of movies made this film industry very big in all over the world, as a result it created an employment in every country.

To start with, first reason which is entertainment. We can get different types of knowledge from movies like ones about history. Animated [b]ones are also very interesting movies. It is important to avoid redundancy and repitition, such as using the word "movies three times in one sentence...once the reader is sucked in and aware of the topic at hand, it becomes unnecessary to keep stating the term, word, phrase over and over)

Graduate / SoP - Epidemiology PhD with Emphasis on Global Health [5]

I found the research to be challenging due to the low level of resources , yet very interesting due to the high level of migration and displacement, and the ...

After completion of the Master's thesis, I started working at [xxx] University in Southern Thailand, initially as a Coordinator for a conflict study project to map the incidence of conflict-related violence in the Deep South region of Thailand.

During my stay in Bangladesh, I was primarily based at the [xxx] headquarter in Dhaka. ---I don't think you need this sentence. I think you should cut out any sentences like this that are not really important for the main idea you're trying to get across.

My main research activity in Bangladesh was in assisting a Medical Officer of [xxx] in analyzing data and writing a manuscript on gender discrepancies in access to treatment for cataracts at one of the mobile hospitals.

... I also would like to undertake such intervention-based research in a more systematic manner, in order to generate empirical evidence and provide valid recommendations for further improvement.

...and guidance of Assistant Professor [xxx], particularly in her studies in Kenya, Nepal and Bangladesh, on the effects of intensive hand-washing promotion on the risk of influenza, and mediating...

I don't think you need to do anything to make it stronger besides cutting out sentences that you don't need, because extra sentences can make a very interesting essay turn boring. :)

Undergraduate / 'cause of death among college students' - Why FSU is Awesome Essay [3]

I would first suggest you begin with a more simple, positive and introductory opening statement for sure.
FSU offers an extremely diverse set of activities that alleviate stress and yet simultaneously offers strong, optional academic programs.
Personally , (I eliminated this word to avoid redundancy since it is "the things that strike you") the three things about FSU that strike me as most amazing...

The circus has performed throughout the world; for example, it has performed inin places such as...
Furthermore, I can brag to all my friends that my college has an awesome circus! (Nice, it's good to include a sense of humor and realism in these types of essays:)Not only does FSU have a circus,In addition, FSU owns a 73-acre reservation...

In conclusion, FSU stands out, to me, for its circus, reservation, and Undergraduate Research Program. (ok, even if the circus IS the coolest part, I would simply suggest you switch the order, i.e, the undergrad program first...just my opinion, for professionality's sake:)

This perfect school allows students to relax and escape the many stressors that college students have to deal with, while allowing studentsthem (repetition...)
the option to achieve academically. I have always wanted to go a school that has the mental sanity of the student in mind,(again, I admire your honesty and humor..well done) and FSU perfectly matches that description. I would wageram confident that at FSU, students have the work-life balance that allows them to experience and love life while receiving a strong postsecondary education.

VERY NICE!!! I hope you find my suggestions helpful. Good luck!

Book Reports / 'Individuality = Freedom' Barriers in Macbeth To Kill A Mockingbird, and Robert Frost [3]

The sense of isolation brings no burdensome and as a result,---This doesn't really make sense. Please revise for the sake of clarity.

The poem Mending Wall displays the never-ending want for barriers, while still scrutinizing their purpose.

It is a mystery why humans show the want for privacy but yet gets frustrated over this sense of security.

The poem Mending W all showed a great deal of evidence that supports the idea of creating barriers.

However, although the narrator tries to convince his neighbor that there is no need for the stone wall, the narrator is initially the one who told his neighbor it was time to fix the wall.

"I let my neighbor know beyond the hill: and on a day we meet to walk the line and set the wall between us once again,".

It is the sense of wanting to stay away from a certain group of people because of skin colour and economical stance.

Aunt Alexandra is displaying wanting to stay away and keep her privacy from the poor.

:)

Writing Feedback / IELTS - In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? [3]

Undeniably, people are now enjoying one of the greatest technological boomstimes in humankind history.

The issue of whether the improvement of technology has impacted individuals' relationships is of great interest to sociologists.

The widespread use of modern technologies, from my perspective, make cheaper, more convenient and more effective communication available for people, and we have been witnessed to a positive trend.

To begin with, the invention of telecommunications has dramatically and constantly changed the way we keep in touch with our acquaintances.

To elaborate, thanks to the availability of the mobile phone, we are now able to contact with our relatives at a comparatively low price, as opposed to the traditional but expensive way, namely, telegram.

Furthermore, with internet access, such applications as the MSN, the Twitter and the Facebook enable individuals to communicate with their remote or abroad friends in more convenient ways.

Admittedly, the recent technologies have more beneficial consequences in personnel relationships .

For individuals, not only are citizens are more than capable of maintaining connections with their acquaintances anytime and anywhere, but even that we have been given greater autonomy in social activities.

To recapitulate, new technologies have influenced people's relationships to a larger extent, with resulting changes...

:)

Writing Feedback / 'Driving with distractions' - course essay on texting while driving [2]

Looking down from the road for a second seems harmless, but not when driving involves full attention.

Deborah Drewniak, 52, was walking her dog one night in Colchester when she was hit by a car (McGilvery, 2011). The victim---I think this is the 3rd time you're referring to this one accident. I think you should either tell it all at once or use other examples, as this seems to take something away from your essay.

Drivers under the age of 18 are banned from using cell phones.

Texting while driving should be avoided at all cost because it takes a drivers attention off of the road and leaves them briefly out of control of their car, it is dangerous to the public including pedestrians and other drivers, and it can result in life changing consequences. ---I'm pretty sure you already said this.

:)

Graduate / Speech-language pathology FSU graduate bridge progam essay [3]

On a daily basis, the process of deciphering Arturo's stammering was like unlocking a puzzle, and the entire class rejoiced with him once we had cracked the code.

As the year progressed, Arturo's confidence in his speaking, oral language,---What's the difference between speaking and oral language?--- and reading gradually increased with the help of our school's speech-language pathologist.

Enabling someone to be able to communicate not only empowers them to maintain relationships and make new ones, but also gives them the liberating human right to express wants, needs, and thoughts.

This is very well written, they'll be lucky to have you as a student.

:)

Undergraduate / "Will you be my guest for prom?" - Spelman College [2]

I didn't know her, and as she had just entered high school, there was no way she could go to prom.

As we sat and talked, she explained that it was a prom for kids diagnosed with cancer.

It amazed me to realize how many children were affected by it, and I wanted to become involved and knowlearn more.

I take it that you're going into health care? If this was what got you interested, it's a great beginning to your essay. Just go on from there and say what your plans are and what you have done so far towards achieving your goal.

:)

Writing Feedback / 'lived with my parents' - my IELTS Inviting letter practice. [2]

Recently, we have moved into our new house, which we bought two years ago. Don't leave all that space between the paragraphs.

As you may know, my wife and I have lived with my parents, and our old house got over crowded since the delivery of our new baby, because we hired a maid to look after our baby'her' or 'him'.

NowOur new house is located in Donggang Central Business District.

There are two big shopping malls just across from our house community, so you can go there at any time.

Anyway, we enjoyed the new house very much.

We have not seen each other in a long time, it was at last year's spring festival if my memory is correct.

You have not seen our baby, have you?

We are all expecting you to our new house to have dinner together.

:)

Writing Feedback / Spanking kids isn't all good [3]

Spanking children has been a practice for many centuries.---Always leave a space between sentences. Actually you must leave a space between all punctuation marks and the next word.

In fact,---in fact is two words.--- it is hard to imagine a time when children were not punished for antisocial behavior. However , for all the good spanking may do, there are harmful results from this practice as well.

Some of the harmful side effects of physical punishment can be violence, emotionally stress and misunderstanding.---Do you mean it may cause children to grow up to be violent? If so, I agree!

First, v iolence is the most harmful effect

If it is continuously happening , children may grow to hate their parents as well as their teachers too .

Second,this type of actions may lead the children to becoming emotionally stressed and tired.

They can't faces the society with courage and trust.---This is so true, they may remain fearful all their lives.

To sum up , if we want to spanking them, f irst we should talk with them in a better way.

It would be a better way to communicate and understand them thoroughly .

:)

Writing Feedback / MY ANXIETY BEYOND THE QUEST (and Philippines) [2]

Facing up to your fear is said to be the better way rather than trying to escape it.

This ideology is something that influenced me to conquer one of my anxieties- to speak and write using the English language

In our country, Philippines, the utilization of English as a second language has come into point that every Filipino is yet fond patronizing much it knowing its benefits ---This sentence is very confusing. It might be better to turn it into two sentences.--- towards them are greatly encouraging and worth spending effort for.

Nevertheless, I have to face up to it courageously.

Another reason why I am so awkward to speak English is that in our nation, grammar is more vehemently prioritized than understanding, particularly when studying at school.

Getting over my fear , I am now taking up a degree in education mastering English language.

You actually have an excellent grasp on English, and great vocabulary. I think you would be easy to understand, and if anyone was so rude as to tease or correct you, they are not worth being embarrassed by anyway. Good luck!

:)

Undergraduate / 'youth outreach clubs' - How my goals relate to my interests- Georgetown [2]

When I was diagnosed with vitiligo, a skin condition, I truly came to appreciate the dedication and compassion with which doctors seem to effortlessly maintain.

My passion for medicine and natural affinity for the sciences, combined with my new found interest in the brain and human behavior showed me that my real

One of the things that I'm excited about is the RISE (Research Intensive Senior Experience) Program.

The vast array of extracurricular activities and clubs is also a great way for me to discover new areas of interest.---This is great!

This is coming along quite nicely, and for an ending, I would just add something like, "...so for all of these reasons, I know Georgetown is the best school for me to ..."

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Undergraduate / 'no way for me to be invisible' - Peace Corps Essay 2 [3]

I learned about people and humanity. I never would have guessed that instead of coming home with a pair of round black ears I would come home with an insatiable desire to continue listening to other peoples' stories with my ownears I already had.

In this moment I learned that I did not have to aspire to the daunting and impossible task of changing the world.If I can make one life better and it will have all been worthwhile.

Aside from the couple of slight revisions, I would only suggest that you shorten and strengthen your opening sentence. All of the information can stay, but the opener needs to be emphasized in order to immediately draw the reader in. Good job and good luck!

Undergraduate / College essay- my mother's Schizophrenia has impacted my life? [4]

I see people as walking time bombs (< Is that good word choice?)...yes, if that's what you feel, then it is right, this is YOUR experience...

(< Is that good word choice?) yes indeed
If I were able to meet his needs, I would have. Sometimes Things just don't always/usually (< Which word should I use?) add up.

Injustice endured is nearly masochism, and it shouldn't stop by bandaging a sense of internal bleeding. I've managed to build a pathwayfrom problems and actions to service and solutions

Something I'd like to suggest...although this is profoundly personal an extremely well written (you second guess yourself in areas of actual perfection), I would encourage you to focus on ONE particular experience; highlight it, and then sort of incorporate the rest of what makes you YOU around that particular event.

Undergraduate / 'friendship and camaraderie' - Naval Academy Personal Statement [2]

The United States Naval Academy is where I want to be. The academy will give me unparalleled, wide-ranging skills and allow me to serve my country to the best of my ability.

The route to this revelation was pretty round about.not a direct one.
Character development is an integral part of the Naval Academy. I experienced a taste of the growth that happens during the mock sea trials at Summer Seminar. When my squad and our partner squad ran the obstacle course there was a boy who was having a really tough time physically and mentally. The course was timed and he was adding considerable time. We were all really competitive people and we could have just left him behind and let him quit, but we did not do that . The course tested him physically, and the rest of us were tested morally. We all worked together and helped him get through it. We stood by him every step of the way and were rewarded by friendship and camaraderie. It was a great experience and I look forward to the development that an education at the Naval Academy would provide. I love the way you finished this. Well done :)

Writing Feedback / Isolation of a country from their neighbors abroad can only cause issues in the long run [4]

I would suggest starting with an opening statement that is more "attention grabbing" and clarifying your first paragraph all together.
This second paragraph is very well written :)
Moreover, countries can exchange information. There is lot of information available in every country. Without working together it is not possible to use this. For example, the most important one is criminals running outevading legal issues by escaping to other countries for hiding.

Finally, I believe countries could remain isolated but this will cause issues in the long run.this previous sentence needs a bit of clarification and you should be clear on your opinion. Also, it will be helpful to "finalize" your last sentence, just to round things out a little better. Good luck!--

Graduate / Statement of Purpose for master's in Urban & Regional Planning in SPA - Feedback [3]

Later, during the construction, I spent a great deal of time watching over the construction and childishly taking part in it; enjoying every bit of it.

I realized that what I like is architecture, and hence I joined the B. Arch. course in NIT Calicut.
-------------------------------------------
Experience in NITC
After joining, I had a hard time keeping up with the class.

It was then, that I re-found myself and had the "desire to learn".

Then, during Urban Design course Form Based Codes(FBC) was introduced by Sir Prof. Vinod Kumar.---This is an incomplete sentence.

------------------------------

Future Plans
As a child, I had visited some famous Indian cities like Delhi, Chandigarh, Agra, Jaipur, Itanagar, etc. and loved the environment.

But, a lot has changed since then.

It's not just the big cities; even the smaller cities are facing problems due to the similar reasons.

---------------------
Why SPA?
An opportunity to study and work with such faculties is what I strive for.

. Earning a master's degree in an urban environment such as New Delhi ...

Good luck with school and have fun!

:)

Writing Feedback / 'change the world?' - What would you tell your founding fathers prompt? [104]

I stare out into the pre-dawn darkness and I gaze at the faint outlines of Mother Liberty's flaming torch and a spiked crown.

Our Founding Fathers envisioned democracy as a place ---'democracy as a place sounds funny, I think you should describe it more as a way of life.--- where people could live in harmony together, as human beings united by human rights, freedom, and equality.

Blood was shed, by the cups, the pints, the gallons, tons of it, flowing through the long history of the world we know as The Land of the Free.---This is very sad but true.

To the Founding Fathers, I ask, "Founding Fathers, had you known what we know now today, would you be proud of America's actions?"

:)

Undergraduate / 'Pleasant Tragedy' - Personal Statement for Undergraduate School [3]

Arriving home from basketball practice exhausted and desiring the contempt for sleep, resting was not an option.

I knew my day was not yet finished.

...I remember the dragging summer evenings when I stood on a 24 inch stool with an apron reading "Kiss the Cook" draping down to my quaking knees as I managed to peel some vegetables for our daily juicing.

Although I did wonder sometimes how my life would have been if our mother were beside us.

But as all the girls talked about their routines and recital practices, I sat there wondering if my mother would havehad been with me, would I be part of that group?

Taken I think this would sound better; Because of my background, I try to teach and persuade many kids my age, even younger, ...

Just recently we were invited to the wedding of one of my father's business partners, and not really taking...

When we arrived at St. Johns, adjoining restaurant in Van Nuys, California that Saturday morning, I was greeted by several desultory adults that I had never met before.

I smiled with contempt,---contempt is not the right word here, as the woman was certainly not deserving of contempt because of her nice compliment!--- feeling the satisfaction of such a compliment across the cheeks of my face.

:)

Letters / My motivtion letter in transport economics [4]

Nice introduction...
...Driven by my childhood surroundings and thatthe fact that shipping is my family's main preoccupation,occupation or livlihood(would be more suitable in my opinion)

I was determined at an early age to develop a career in the transport sector. I was intrigued by the challenging environment of the shipping and transport industry. In my opinion it is one of the few industries that is truly worldwide in geographical scope and in the nature of the business. ...not only in geographical terms, but in the nature of business as a whole.

Globalizations of trade and economy have led to a situation where multinationals have taken on global sourcing and marketing strategies.
But this dream may only come true if I am able to combine your excellent education offered by you the quality education your university has to offer with the knowledge I already possess...

Well done. I hope you find my revisions helpful:) Good Luck!!