Undergraduate /
"if only I weren't blind..." - St. Mary college essay about transformative experience [4]
Kirin, your story should be admired. It touches a chord in the reader that should be able to help you gain consideration at the college of your choice for admission. I only adjusted the necessary parts and replcaed the words that needed to be replaced in order to improve the essay :-) Good luck with your application!
It was sometimes during late morning on May fifth, 2010 that I woke up and found myself in utter darkness. This abrupt loss of my sight was the opposite of what everyone was expecting after the operation. This was only a couple of days from when the doctors had removed the tumor found in my brain. From that day, my eyesight was suppose to improve, which it did until that morning where it just simply vanished! Even the doctors seemed to be lost for words, so after a few months of no change, everyone seemed to accept silently that my sight may never return.
-... during
the late morning... on
the fifth of May in 2010, ... a couple of days
after the doctors had... until that morning
when it just...
The loss of my ability to see brought with it an enormous change in my attitude. Surprisingly, I did not have to struggle with accepting my blindness as much as with letting go of my ego. I always have high standard of myself and like to work alone to achieve it. However, becoming blind, I realized I have also become dependent on others, at least to a certain extent. This thought made the act of asking for helpsfelt very uncomfortable for me. Moreover, even after succeeding in speaking out my needs, I then often struggled with lowering my standard. Being a perfectionist, as my dad said I am, pushes me to work hard, but in these cases, all it does is to make me even more frustrated . It is just so difficult to make things perfect when you can't do them by yourself!
-
I had always set high standards for myself... and
liked to work ... succeeding in
voicing out... lowering my
standards ... even more
frustrated ...
Nonetheless, when I think about it, I realized these necessary adaptations have helped me to become more flexible and open-minded. I finally accepted that eventually, I would have to learn to work with others. I became aware that, my comfort zone can only expand when I step out of it. As a result, although I still bite my lip from time to time when having to ask for helps , I would finally do it, and with more ease each time.
- ... these necessary
adjustments have helped...
My blindness also teaches me to be optimistic with life and problems. It is not as if all the problems I faced derived from being blind; Some of them are just teen issues that anyone who are teens have to face. The real issue is the fact it is often easier for me to just blame them all on my disability. I often think, "if only I weren't blind, I would do better, I would not be this stress ..." and so on. Unfortunately, I am also aware that I am blaming the problems on something over which I have no control, and often is not even the real cause of the problem. Thus, over time, I have trained my thinking to search for the bright side of things and to appreciate whatever my blindness gives me. Today, whenever the thought of, "if only I weren't blind..." pops up, I would complete it with something positive like, "I wouldn't have such a fantastic life!"
- ... blindness
taught me to be... problems I faced
stemmed from being... I would not be this
stressed ... I have trained
myself ...
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