Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Estimated world illiteracy [9]



Ok, then this is how you should present it;
Overall, the Asian regions are expected to perform higher literacy rates in contrast to the the developed countries and Latin American/ Caribbean regions.
For the overview, you can include this most obvious trend too;
The female literacy levels are estimated to surpass the male literacy levels by the year 2000

Writing Feedback / IELTS: mobile phone; "Iron man" / "Weichat" - destroy social interactions? [8]

Recently, there has been a social concern in regardswith regard to whether mobile phones have a negative effect inon the way we handle our social communication. Indeed, mobile phones have been widely used forby people of all ages, bringing convenience and entertainment into our life.and they have brought lots of convenience and entertainment for ourselves.

Writing Feedback / IELTS task II Learning by Gadgets than books. [6]

Your introduction seems to be too lengthy and it might put you in trouble at the exam and you may run out of time to complete the task. Follow dumi's approach for the intro.

Undergraduate / Why I want to attend the Naval Academy Essay [5]

"a United States Marine Corps Officer whom graduated from the United States Naval Academy."

I switched schools when I was in the ninth grade to join my rival school's JROTC program to pursue my Naval Academy future.dream


I was fascinated by the discipline,honor, integrity, courage, commitment, and respect that this program provided.


This sentence tends to break your flow. I feel it should have come earlier in this para.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: born with certain talents or not?; professional football player [3]


.... well, this statement has an issue... :( .... "people can acquire any fields"?
That part does not make any sense :( People may acquire certain positions in certain fields, but not fields... it doesn't have any logic :(

In other word, naturelnaturally t talented people can progress quickly and get improvementsfaster than those who do not have the borne talent, in the way if they encourage their ability though training.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Men and women are having children late. 'it can be more beneficial' [4]


Yes, I agree fully with dumi... This is an outstanding essay. You can really aim for a great score if you can handle time for this task efficiently. :)

For society, it can be contribute to an alarming situation about declining of totalsuch that the world population may decrease drastically in its numbers in time to come.

Writing Feedback / IELTS : Contacting nowadays seems to be not a difficulty anymore; technology [9]

Pay lots of attention what dumi has suggested above in terms of the essay structure that you need to follow for this task. You better re do this same essay following those guidelines :)

On the one hand, many people saidsay that technologiestechnologyhave bad affects on relationships negatively. It is true that using technologies or thelike Internet, cell phones, laptops, to communicate is faster and more convenient. However,but itthey will become an obstacle between people to people if they abuse? For example, friendships may be faded away if friends just keep in touch only through e-mail, skype or chatting byvia social networks without face-to-face meeting and talking.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; Cinema attendance in the UK [9]

The chart illustrates british attendance of British people in cinema from the year 1995 to 2000. persentation of age group in five yaers. the line graph shows percentageof each age of british in every year who attend the cinema.

Writing Feedback / IELTS TASK 1; region and by gender for the year 2000. [9]

Well, first of all you need to attend to the structure of this task.

Writing Feedback / GREAs people rely on technology to solve problems, our ability turns upside down [3]

If we use technology to help solvingsolve most of the problems in our lives, will we lostlose our ownthe ability to solve a problem for ourselves ?


This sentence is not presented well :(


... wrong grammar'
we blame/ he blames/ I blame/ they blame/ she blames

You need to pay a lot of attention to your grammar!

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1. Estimated world illiteracy [9]

The bar chart provides information about estimated observation in world illiteracy rates byin six different regions as well as bybased on gender for the year 2000.


.... what do you mean by "than previous one"? What do you refer to ?


This is not a proper overview. Overview should not be a detailed para (which you need to do in the next couple of paras). In the overview, you need to tell the reader about most obvious trends without much details.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Technology impact on people; Earth has become like a small village [10]



Well, this is not really aligned with your topic though it has some relevance to it;


You should have presented the same idea with a better alignment to your prompt;
Further, the modern communication tools provide online social forums where people can meet and interact with each other without having their physical presence at all. These social forums have helped many people to find their life time partners too. For example, ??????????

Undergraduate / What is your strength and weaknesses? -- "I am always saved by the last minute!" [4]

I am also a good and convincing speaker, as I am able to express myself well. I enjoy delivering speeches because I love conveying my ideas and thoughts to broader audiences.


Just one? or several? Better talk a little bit more about that experience.


Tell the reader how you have been affected by this weakness.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: The graph below shows how much money was spent on different forms of fun? [4]

In Europe, in 1995, the bar chart started from 97.000 million dollars were spent on entertainment in 1995.It had moreMore than 30 billion was spent on TV, publishing and more than 20 billion on music. Video and cinema changed negligiblerecorded very insignificant growths in the volumes spent on them in the year 2000, while television and publishing entertainment rose steeply and the figure reached a peak of 131 billion dollars invested in fun.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Most important room; Bathroom is my essential demand [6]


.... this is very interesting :D

That is where I camefind my refuge in after each time I got low score in class. After getting in the bathroom,Inside the bathroom I can let my emotions and feelings out without letting anyone know about them and then Ialways feel better.

Yes, you are right about this. I too find bathroom a heaven when I have emotional issues :D

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Rush vs. Slower Pace [5]

If you do not hurry yourselfrush for things, then you can take more time for your family and friends.


Well, this is a bit controversial :) .... If you continue in a slower pace that too may affect your happiness because you may not be successful in your career or other kinds of progress in the face of competition. That may affect your financial strength that would again affect the peace and harmony in family environment.

Speeches / Teenagers concern nowadays - weight issue [4]

I want toToday, I am here to present my speech about one of teenagersthe concerns of teenagers nowadays, which is the over weight issue

Many people are concerned about their weight especially teenagers. They do not want to be overweightlook obese as it affects their health andtheir appearance (give more focus to this point as teenagers are more concerned about this)and health , so they go on crash diets.

Writing Feedback / Wealthy nation shares to support poor countries at the solidarity among nations [5]

Wealthy nation shares to help poor countries at the solidarity among nations .


The reasoning here is not presented well.... It is very confusing and cannot underestand what you really try to mean :(


This is another such sentence. You have to work hard on improving clarity of your sentences. It is no use in trying to display your vocabulary knowledge if such words do not deliver your ideas across to the reader :(

Writing Feedback / Money is a major source of satisfaction while searching for a job [4]


This is not a strong hook , rather it is pretty complicated. A good hook should be short, simple, interesting, meaningful and relevant.


every facility / all facilities

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Technology impact on people; Earth has become like a small village [10]

Nowadays, the Earthworld has become like a small village. In the course of the last hundred years, the way majority of people communicated with each other has been alteredchanged significantly becauseby the influence of technology. But there are vast amount of disputesHowever, there are many concerns whether it issuch changes have brought about positive or negative effects to society.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL - Universities offer people opportunity to learn and improve their skills [7]

There are three reasons that I believedbelievewhy most people attend universities. Theyfor are to prepare themselves for careers, increasingtheiracquire moreknowledge in their respective field and improve their ability.skills.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: international students graduated in several canadian regions [10]

The given bar chart illustrates how many international students graduated from several universities in someeight different Canadian regions during a period of five years, from 2001 to 2006.

This is a good introduction :)
ClearlyOverall, the number of international students in 2001 was consistently less than their counterpartsthe number of students in 2006 in all regions except forexcluding in Alberta, even though there were significant distinctions among the provinces in both years.

Writing Feedback / IELTS - Is social skill as important as good qualification? give your reasons. [19]


You should have had only one of these sentences as your hook. Both do not add much value to your intro. Stop with one sentence (I mean a hook) that can provide a strong and interesting entrance to your topic and then move to explain the background about the issue. Finally you should state your opinion :)

It is undoubted that people with good qualifications can stand out in career at work compared those who have no academic credentials.

Scholarship / Scholarship for Master / Fashion Designers often consider themselves artists [7]

Though iI stopped continuing my studies after my high school, I figured outrealized the purposeimportance of education infor one's life and what I should be doing to achieve my goalsthe role it can play in helping me achieve my goals. After working as Sr. Merchandiser for the past 14 yrs, I really possesgained a goodsound technically knowledge about Fashion Merchandising, however,but I strongly feel that Education is the best tool to sharpenonceprogress in career and without proper education one will be like a "stagnant water in a pond instead of running water in a stream which would reach hisits destination

Writing Feedback / Single career is an old fashion - 'being an expert in one specified sphere' [6]

It is good if you leave one blank line between the paras to give a better presentation to your essay. When everything is together, your paragraphs are not clearly separated and that tends to distract the reader :)

Firstly, economic and political instabilities lead people to situations wherethat they need to changechanging the place and type of work is necessary . For example, economic recession in 2008-2009 was a cause caused many lay offs ] of many discharges in different fields of work, and people without additional ways of making money were driven into bankruptcy.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'car industry is developing extremely fast' ; traffic problems [7]

Nowadays, car industry is developing extremely fast and more people have a car, even more than onecars are so popular and almost every person owns a car. (before this explain the background of the issue) This has created lots of traffic on the roads and some believe that governments shouldGovernments consider increasing car owners' taxes and invest the money, which they will earn to improve the city transport.

Undergraduate / My teacher want paragraph about a good OR a bad childhood experience i had ,, [7]

When I was about five years old. I was playing(no full stop there)I used to play with my friendsalota lot. I usually played until 11:00 am. Andand then only I went homego back into the house. My mother was angry with me so much. My mother was force me to sleep in the afternoon.about this excessive playing and she forced me to sleep during the afternoon.

Research Papers / formatting and proper content - I need a peer review for a research paper [8]

Where is your research paper? You need to upload it for us to provide you with any sort of advice, guidance or suggestions. You have not even told us the research topic for us to provide you with a skeleton form guideline even :D

Do your first draft and post it here. We will help you improve your research paper :)

Research Papers / IS BUYING ORGANIC PRODUCE REALLY WORTH IT? $ [3]

Well, it is you who decide what your research paper is going to present. Also, everything is based on what you researched. Whatever it is, first you need to introduce your research topic to the reader. I don't see any harm in defining what real organic food is. I think it should serve the base for your methodology to discuss whether buying organic food is really worthy or not. My suggestion for you is to do your first draft and post it here. We will help you improve that :)

Writing Feedback / Toefl - Language plays a significant role in our lives [4]


Having mulit linguistic skills helps a person stand out at job candidacy.

In my view, schools shouldn't hurryrush to teach foreign languages to students in their junior classes for several reasons.


"children" is a plural word and there is no word "childrens"
child - singular / children - plural
One of the important reasons is that children lack maturity to choose the most appropriate language that they should learn.

Writing Feedback / IELTS: What gift would you give to a child develop? 'It is computer' [5]


You really don't have to say this because the reader expects you to do the same in the body paras. There is no value addition coming from this sentence to your essay :(

Secondly, The children can get many knowledgesacquire a great knowledge with the help of computer because computers helpit enables children to learn more about anything by using internetalmost anything they wish by providing access to the Internet. For example, nowadays, some children in Indonesia have facebook and they have twitter. It is very good for their ?????? (what?).

Writing Feedback / IELTS; 'I can't think too quiet' - Making important decision alone. [7]


I think this is not necessary to tell because the reader expects you to do that in the body paras. For me, I don't find any value addition coming from this sentence to your essay. So, better leave that out :)

Writing Feedback / IELTS "a subject that you haven't opportunity to study" study religion more deep [6]

I think that every personsperson is interested about it because each personsperson wants to gethas wanted for getting married. However, some people have not many knowledgesmuch knowledgeabout married responsibilitiesresponsibility establishing household.

You need to pay a great attention to your grammar;

every person/ each person/ all persons

much knowledge

Undergraduate / Boarding School Essay; I'm significantly interested in philosophy and psychology [3]

When it comes to book that i'veI've enjoyed, Ray Bradbury's Illustrated man is one of the I find the stories alonecomes on top.

While some of the stories seem outdated, they still have I always manageable to getoffer something from them.

Some of the earliest memories come from using beanie animals to compose stories.


.... I don't get this idea .... I feel you better rephrase it to convey your idea clearly.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL iBT - Saving/Spending money [5]

They could not affortafford the rent ,so they had to move back in with their families to their home countriesand they lost their independence.and faced many hardships in lives.


In addition, you would not have any insecure feelings about your future if you have sufficient savings in your hands.


the right words are "afford" and "maintenance"

Writing Feedback / 'Internet is helping humankind for getting information important from corner of the world' [15]


You follow a good structure for the intro. Let's attend to a few grammar fixes;
There is no doubt that the internetInternet is one network that helpinghelpshumankind'susforgetting information important from corner of the world.having access to any information across the globe instantly.

There are two "Firsly"s :( ... The second one should have been "Secondly " :)

Writing Feedback / Toefl evalution - God is too large to fit in one religion [5]

Firstly, nobody have ever seen god except their imaginations, faith or beliefs , probably that is the reason god is worshiped in the form of idol, images, or various other fictionformfictitious forms.

The discrimination of differences between worshiping god has leadhave led peoplemortal to fight, curse or slitand have disputes with each other.


This sentence is very confusing for me :(

Writing Feedback / IELTS: 'Woman'; behavior of children and the role of a modern mother [6]

You tend to use many advance vocabulary without having a good understanding about their appropriate usage. It is very dangerous because wrong words in wrong places can totally distort your idea and finally would fail to deliver any idea to the reader. Therefore I suggest you to write with more familiar words to you. Pay more attention to your grammar at this point of time. Grammar and clarity of your ideas are more important than vocabulary.

Writing Feedback / 'People need food, fashion, and health' - advertisements may improve our lives [6]


Well eddies, I think it is ok to give reasons for the side you take on in the 4 para. Again, it depends on the type of the prompt. If is to discuss, then what you say is a better way. But, in this case it is asking for our opinion. In such case it is better to state your opinion and use all your body paras to justify why you hold your opinion.

Firstly, everybody needs food because some of people necessary food togives us energy for living.

Secondly, Advertisementadvertisements not only promotionpromote food, but also it promotion aboutpromotes fashion.

Writing Feedback / Toefl - enforce limit the use of automobile for the betterment of our earth [4]

Yes, dumi is right. Your structure should help you earn a good score as well as handle time efficiently at the exam.