Graduate / 'to apply the science of economics to specific issues' SOP PhD ECONOMICS [2]

When you are writing an SOP, you should begin my trying to intrigue the reader. I don't feel the first paragraph fits with the essay. When you begin to discuss your interests in economics starting in secondary school, this is a good start to your essay rather than starting the essay with a definition of economics. Here are some suggested changes for your essay:

-Form a new paragraph that discusses your master's program. That sentence should be changed to: ..."obtaining rigorous training in econometrics..." How did you obtain this rigorous training? Did you have an internship? Was it hands on experience? I would change the beginning of the next sentence to: "Due to this training, development economics is an area that I would like to further explore..." Also revise part of this sentence to read:

"...nations and how some countries are sometimes similar in almost every facet of growth, with some rising above pervasive poverty and others failing to do so."

-There is a sentence in the next paragraph that is confusing. I'm unsure what you are trying to state. Here is a suggestion:
"I desire to excel academically and build well tested economic models specific to my country". Also change part of this sentence to: "...pursue excellence, commitment, and impact lives positively, as this is the ultimate creation of true wealth."

-University should be lowercase. Also revise the end of the first sentence to read, "...thoroughness, which is necessary for academic research"

-If you do a Google search, type in "SOP writing" and click on Princeton Review from the listings. It gives some excellent but simple information regarding how you can write your SOP. You can check to see if you are on the right track. Also, have you done anything significant during your master's program that would make you stand out in your field of study? I would include this in the SOP if you have already made a contribution to your field.

Student Talk / I chose an Essay writing service [25]

There are many factors that make a good writer. I took a writing class for enrichment. However, I didn't realize that writing is more than making everything perfect. Writing is a process in which you jot down your thoughts and then you begin to revise when you want it to be read. Creative writing allows you the freedom to write. If you had a good academic record, then the university saw your potential as a student.

However, you should always try to write your own ideas. Everyone has a different writing style. When you write you own words and have someone help you to revise it, your essays become more heartfelt. I would encourage you to continue to write.

I'm unsure what sites are ethical, but the site should encourage you to write your own ideas. Yet, I know that the essays that I try to review are already written. Therefore, writers are helped to improve if they see a pattern in their writing and continue to make improvements.

Scholarship / Details and evidence of voluntary service to the local community. Scholarship essay. [4]

I have provided some slight changes. Please check to see if this meets the 200 word requirement after you have made slight corrections.

1st paragraph: In the second sentence: Place "the" before anti-drug. Also, place "the" before flooding.

2nd paragraph: It seems as if you are discussing categorizing waste and properly storing wastes. Here is a suggestion on how you can improve that sentence:

"The Clean Up Vientiane campaign aimed to raise awareness about properly storing and separating solid waste, by educating students from primary, high schools, and universities."

Place "the" before distribution. Change part of this sentence to: "This program has provided me experience in a leadership role, which..."

3rd paragraph: Change has to had. It seems as if you should end the last sentence with..."that resulted in great work".

Graduate / My goal to study medicine all started out with my brother being diagnosed with diabetes [8]

I have given you some suggestions on how you can improve your paper. I hope that these changes will help you.

1st paragraph: I would express how having a deeper understanding of the disease helped you to understand human biology. At the end of the paragraph, it starts to get confusing. You should continue to express how learning about the proper management of diabetes has given you a sense of dedication.

2nd paragraph: I would suggest rearranging this sentence to: "My desire to become a physician, led me to shadow an internist who helped me to understand the clinical aspects of the profession". Change part of this sentence to: "...emphasized caring for patients..."

3rd paragraph: In this paragraph, I think the part of the sentence that focuses on taking cell biology is more relevant than the participation in clubs.

4th paragraph: I think you need to have a better opening paragraph because it needs to make a good transition between your college experience and real world experience. I think you should express how college prepared you to work in the medical field in some capacity.

5th paragraph: I think you need a good transition to end this last paragraph. (Ex: Therefore, Thus, etc.)

Scholarship / Details and evidence of voluntary service to the local community. Scholarship essay. [4]

There are very few changes that need to be made. I'm unsure if your scholarship requires you to have only 200 words. However, I have provided some

changes to help with your essay. First, you should form two paragraphs. Your second paragraph should begin when you discuss joining the flood protection program. I'm unsure if your post requires you to have only 200 words. However, I have provided some

Here are some grammar changes:

1st paragraph: In the first sentence place "a" before variety. You should describe what you were doing with the anti-drug. Was it a campaign?

If so, put anti-drug campaign. The second sentence: place "a" before group leader.

2nd paragraph: Change part of the first sentence to: "...between the ages of 25..." You should also include your last sentence in the first paragraph.

Good Job!

Writing Feedback / The process of technology has contributed to the medical equipment and treatment; people live longer [3]

I have provided some changes. I have given you some ways to improve. I hope this will be helpful to you and make your essay better.

1st paragraph: I would revise this sentence to: "...why people's lives have been prolonged, two..."

2nd paragraph: Here is a suggestion on how you can improve this sentence:
"First, as technology has contributed to advanced medical equipment and treatment in recent years, the medical standard in society has improved." The sentence regarding being diagnosed with certain diseases is confusing. It should begin by stating: "For example, when patients are diagnosed during the earlier stages of diseases, some terminal diseases like cancer are treatable under a doctor's control" You have to explain to the reader who you are referring to, so using patients will help the reader to understand your example. In the next sentence, change decreasing to decreases.

3rd paragraph: I don't think this paragraph fits with the other information in the essay.

I think this essay needs to be revised because it begins discussing medical equipment and treatment, but then shifts to the senior citizen population. It does not mention geriatric care or medical equipment such as wheelchairs, walkers, etc. Also, it does not discuss how certain diseases are treated in the geriatric population, (senior citizen) that helps them to live a longer life. You could possibly add more information to the 4th paragraph to discuss this more. Whatever you discuss, make sure it fits with life expectancy. For example, how does receiving money annually help a senior citizen live longer?

Graduate / Applying for International Business, Entrepreneurship and SME Management program (Maastricht) [4]

I hope these changes will be helpful to you. They are in order by paragraph.

1st paragraph: Change "the" to, "a" when you describe being exposed to German and becoming bilingual. I think you should describe learning Spanish and English, I think you should change part of this sentence to: "due to its importance and necessity in international affairs". Place "a" before career.

2nd paragraph: Place a comma after issues and graduation in this paragraph. The last sentence I would delete "leave and".

3rd paragraph: You should state when you received your bachelors. For example, if someone wanted to apply for a master's program, they could begin by stating: Many years ago or give a specific time frame such as, "Three years go, I graduated with a bachelor's degree" Place a comma after studying. Place a period after Comenius. Start a new sentence using, "This". Don't capitalize university. Place a comma after assistant. Since you were acquiring the skills in management, you should state: "...and developing my management skills." Change part of this sentence to: "I also worked for a scrap-metal trading company and my job consisted of traveling to the..." I would change part of the next sentence to: "...substituted for my inability..."

The next sentence you can revise it to state: "...the SME..."

4th paragraph: Place a comma after school. Delete mid before teenage and place a comma after years. There is a misspelling of programming. Place a comma after example. The last sentence, change part of the sentence to: ...programming, because it is a good..."

5th paragraph: The first sentence needs to be changed. I'm not sure if you like this university because of its international affairs program. Don't start the sentence with a very obvious reason. You can use a transition word. Ex: However, the reason... Place "a" before high. Change to: "...there is a greater possibility...on an international scale". Place a comma after UM. Place "the" before SME and make course plural by adding -s to the end. Change this sentence to: "I expect this program..."

Writing Feedback / Charity organizations should offer help to everyone in need. [3]

You did a really good job with your transitions in each paragraph. However, you should add at least two more sentences to discuss your opinion. Here are some changes I have suggested for your paper. The corrections are in order according to the paragraph that was written.

-I think you should replace structures with organizations. Place a comma after conclusion. Also, there is a misspelling of "analyze".

-In the second paragraph and first sentence, I think you should replace of with "from". Change the next sentence to: "First, the life of the citizens has a big effect on the country's economy." Here is an example that shows you how you can change the next sentence: "For instance, the money charities give to aid poor people would raise the standard of life, which would further lead to economic growth."

-When you describe transfers from outside you should be more specific. You discuss other countries early in the paragraph. You could say in your example that this country relies on help from other countries or nations. This will help clarify or make your ideas more clear. In the next sentence, place a comma after others and add "a" before country.

-You should end your paper with a different transition word. You could use, in summary or in conclusion. Place a comma after concerned.

Writing Feedback / Hang it up - technological devices considered as learning tools may cause major distraction in class [4]

These are some additional changes that could be made. You did a good job!

-There should be a space between and cell phones throughout the essay.

-I think you begin this second paragraph by forming two sentences. Place a period after teacher. Start a new sentence beginning with: "She discusses whether..." I think distraction should be distractions. Look at the article to see if this is an error. Remember to place quotation marks around statements that are directly quoted from the article.

-I think this sentence should be revised: "For example, if students are paying for college fees, and if they are texting in the classrooms, that is their loss." When you discuss the movie theater, place "the" before sound and change your tense to: "people who were focusing".

-The beginning of the last paragraph should have a different transition. In short could be changed to, "In summary". You can end the essay with, "need it in case an emergency occurs".

Writing Feedback / Colour is a great instrument which influence more and more consumers [3]

Hopefully, you have had some time to make some changes. I am going to be providing some more feedback.

1st paragraph: Place "a" before lovely and company. The second sentence should be, "people go shopping". When you end this sentence, I feel you are trying to state that the inevitable choice is a bright color. Is that correct? The next sentence you have to revise because it needs to express how the brighter vegetables and fruits seem riper than darker foods.

To end the paragraph you need to discuss what you state in the last sentence. For example: "Similarly, vibrant color products can influence people considerably when they buy products." I used the last sentence to end your essay to coincide or relate to your first paragraph. If you are stuck or confused about a thesis statement you can read the first and last paragraph of a rough draft to see if everything is easily understood.

2nd paragraph: Would you like to use color rather than colour? I feel that in the first sentence you need to explain the role of the company in selecting color. The manufacturer distributes the goods, while the company is involved in the selection of the color for a specific product. Place 'the' before decisions and change to..."is likely influenced by colors they are interested in." When you describe retail, you should change company to companies. Do you want to state influence rather than hypnotize? Add -s to pattern. Change cloth to clothes.

3rd paragraph: I would use a different transition word to begin this paragraph and revise it.
Ex: "Therefore, it is arguably young people who are more interested in buying clothes in strong colors."

It is difficult to understand the information in this source regarding Indonesia. You should look at the source again. If this is copied directly from the source it needs quotation marks around the sentences that were copied. Remember to cite your source. Change to: "As a result, the more creative color designs of products company produce, the more people have a tendency to buy."

4th paragraph: Delete obviously. Change the last sentence to "can influence".

Writing Feedback / When choosing a career, financial gain should be the most important consideration. [6]

I have provided you with some suggestions that could make your essay better. I hope that you will be happy with the results.

1st paragraph: In the first sentence, place the word "be" after should not. There are many ways you can say sleep quiet. Would you like to say rest easily or have a good night's rest? Replace anyway with another transition word. You can use However, Yet, etc. You should change: ...I believe to be happy... with "...I believe being happy..."

2nd paragraph: First, move the 1st sentence in the 2nd paragraph to the end of the paragraph. This should be your last sentence. Place a comma after "For example" and "factory". Delete the comma after depressed.

Do you want this number to be $10,000 a month? I'm unsure about the meaning, lifetime with money. Would you like to say happiness with money? Change the first part of the last sentence to: "Therefore, the kind of work you do is..."

3rd paragraph: You can change suits to "is suitable". Delete many time of and replace with "much". Place a comma after "cases" and "Thus".

4th paragraph: Place a comma after, "In conclusion" and "On the one hand".
I would suggest changing part of the sentence to: "... to sleep easy and have the ability to pay your bills".

Book Reports / How Spatial Confinement Reveals Hedda's Feelings of Oppression - Hedda Gabler Lit Analysis [3]

I have given some suggestions that could help you in your analysis. Here are a few suggestions that I think maybe helpful:

Personally, I think you should form a whole sentence in the beginning stating how Hedda is faced with spatial confinement. When you mention the other two types of confinement, it seems as if the whole topic changes. I was unsure of the meaning, "vanilla wife", so I looked up the term. I would avoid using this because there are too many renderings of this term. Simply, stating that she tries to be the supportive wife will suffice.

I would form a new sentence when you begin the last paragraph. You can use a transition word in the beginning to make a smoother transition into discussing your analysis of the story. I feel that you don't have to use the word enclosure, but using struggles is a better way to describe the difficulties that people face in their daily lives. Also, you mention that the house was trapped in debt. There is an expression that discusses how the "weight of debt hovers over a person". Do you feel this adequately describes the situation? You could end the essay just by stating "...her untimely death".

Writing Feedback / Colour is a great instrument which influence more and more consumers [3]

I am going to suggest that you rearrange you paragraphs. The 2nd paragraph would be your first paragraph. The 1st paragraph would be your 2nd paragraph. I want you to rearrange them, because the vegetables could be an interesting introduction that leads to consumer trends in buying a certain color product. The the last sentence in this paragraph discusses young people.This relates to the third paragraph that discusses young people as well. Then you can conclude the essay with the last paragraph.

Here are some changes I began working on:
2nd paragraph (Formerly your first paragraph): Throughout the paper do you mean color?. I think you mean that the manufacturer's produce different color product's to attract consumers. However, this leaves the company out of the decision. I would suggest stating that the company decides the choice of colors for their products and then sends this information to the manufacturer so they can fulfill this order. Here is how you can change part of the next sentence:

"...how the decisions individuals make to purchase some goods appears to be influenced by the colors they are interested in..."

3rd paragraph: Please look at the quote again regarding Indonesia. You can quote directly from the quotations. Remember to place the quotes before the first word quoted and at the end of the last word quoted. Also, cite your source in this paragraph.

Writing Feedback / Four different subjects which are attended by secondary school students from 2000 to 2009 [3]

I hope you can make these changes. They will help your analysis and improve your writing.

1st paragraph: These are different "types of schools". It is better to explain it in these terms rather than subjects because these schools may have different teaching methods or environments that make them different than other schools. I would also state the years 2000, 2005, and 2009. The chart only mentions these three years. You could begin the next sentence stating, "Also, the table shows that the community schools experienced the lowest overall percentage during those years."

2nd paragraph: Make the word student plural by adding -s to the end. Voluntary should be all lowercase letters. Change to: "were considerably higher". Replaced witnessed with was to explain the percent. Also, percent is only one word. Please don't forget to make this change throughout this paper. When you compare community and specialist schools you should begin by stating, "In this same year". If you don't identify the year, then it becomes harder to look at the table and see if you correctly explained it. These last two sentences need to be revised. You should group similar ideas together. For example:The 20% percent in 2009 is data that refers to the voluntary- controlled schools. You also explain this in the first sentence.

3rd paragraph: A date is not stated in the first paragraph, so it is difficult to understand. If you include a date, it will be easier to read. I think you are trying to compare the data for community schools in 2000 and 2005. Is that correct? You could revise the next sentence to read: "This school had the highest attendance than the other schools." I would discuss how the attendance rate for grammar schools dropped in the same year.

Essays / Medical Laboratory Technology - how to write "Field of specialization studied in the past" [2]

Hi, I would be glad to assist you. It seems as if you are studying for your master's degree. You should write about Medical Laboratory Technology because it was your field of study.

You need a good opening paragraph that begins to describe why you choose your field of specialization. Then you should describe your achievements. Were you involved in any special projects in which you gained experience? Did you do any research in the field.

I feel that you are in the early stages of developing your essay. You need to write a rough draft to compile your thoughts and write down specific details that you can remember about your field of study. In the rough draft you want to discuss what makes you a student that should be chosen for a master's program.

Here is a broad outline you can follow:
1) Write an opening paragraph that makes the reader interested
2) Discuss the Medical Laboratory Technology and any research or achievements
3) Explain why you are interested in the Medical Microbiology program. Will your Medical Laboratory Technician background relate to this program?
4) Discuss why you chose to apply to this university and how attending this university will help you in your future goals or endeavors

Writing Feedback / Market Share of Mobile Phone between Nokia, Sony, Samsung, LG, BenQ and Motorola [2]

There are only some slight changes that I have suggested.

When you begin your analysis, I would describe it as market share like the title suggests rather than use consumer's proportion. Percent should be written as one word.

I would suggest changing part of your sentence in the opening paragraph to:
"However, a more detailed analysis shows that three mobile...."
Make the word year plural by adding -s to the end. You could change "Following this" to another transition word if you choose (i.e. Furthermore).

I would place a comma after 7.4% and change the word sequentially to "respectively".

You did an excellent job with this last paragraph!

Writing Feedback / Two totally different opinions about how we can prepare our kids to be good community members [3]

I have provided you with some suggestions to make your essay better. Please continue to use these suggestions as you continue to write.

1st paragraph: Since you use rapidly I would add -ing to change. It would read, "...rapidly changing..." This means that it is constant. If you use behave, then you should use it throughout your essay. However, the question may involve more than just behavior. (It would involve manners, good work ethic, etc). You don't have to put "the" before society. When you state, "behave their children" it sounds confusing. You could simplify your sentence, and use the word help. Then describe how the parents are going to help. Then you can look back at the question and state that the parents will help them be better members of society. Here is the revision:

"Some people think it's the role of the parents to help their children to be better members of society, but others think that school is the best place to learn this."

2nd paragraph: Advice is not plural. You can delete the -s. I think word choice is important. I would suggest changing a matter of fact to "an opinion".

3rd paragraph: To change learn to the past tense add -ed to the end of the word. Learnt would be learned. Rearrange these words to: "Their beliefs also have..." There is a quote that it incorrect. "Can them learn" is confusing. This quote could be, "can they learn". Change to: they acknowledge.

4th paragraph: In the first sentence change, "can we" to "we can". Sometimes when you don't have an opinion, you should state that you feel that both opinions are not wrong. Delete the hyphen in cooperation. The meaning of the next sentence is unclear. The last sentence, you could delete "in behaving children".

Writing Feedback / The table shows the number of students living in the UK gaining teacher training qualification [2]

This table is very difficult to see. However, I will do my best to help suggest some changes.

I think you should end the last sentence with a different transition word. Instead of beginning the sentence with "Noted", you could begin with, "However".

The next paragraph, delete is before shows. You can delete "were a" and change it to: "degrees significantly increased".

Delete the word "Moving". You can add a transition word (i.e. Yet, However, Nevertheless) and start the new paragraph by beginning with: "a more detailed analysis form the table reveals..."

I'm unsure if you mean if it "narrowed considerably". Place a comma after considerably and 31,945. Change to: "at the time in question".

Letters / The letter to express my dissatisfaction with my roommate. [3]

I hope that these changes will help you. I know that there are quite a few changes, but I think this will help you with your letter.

1st paragraph: Roommate is one word. You can delete the hyphen. In the next sentence, delete with before room. Change the next part of this sentence to: "but I cannot sleep if I stay in that room." I would add, "For example" before the next sentence because you are going to be discussing your feelings about the situation. Change part of the sentence to, "makes lots of noise".

Change the word listen to its plural form by adding -s to the end. There needs to be a change in this sentence to: "switches on the radio". Delete "the" before night. Do you mean makes video chat calls? Add "and" before there in this sentence. Also, I think you need to place the sentence that begins with, "Although" at the end of your first paragraph. Delete the -s added on to change.

2nd paragraph: Your next paragraph should discuss your feelings about the environment. Change part of this sentence to: ..."is very difficult to sleep in and I need a quite room". I'm not sure what the next sentence is stating. Do you want to be moved? It seems like you are willing to stay because you say next time. If you want to make a request if the situation is not resolved, you could discuss how your request depends upon if there is no response to a warning. If you want to be moved then you should describe this. It maybe confusing when your request is read.

I would end the letter with "Sincerely" rather than Your faithfully.

Writing Feedback / The status of Japanese citizens in total - population statistic [2]

Please look at the chart and table again. This will help you as you write your comparison and ensure you have accurate details.

I would just explain how both the chart and table show the total number of Japanese citizens who are over 65 years old. Then you could form another sentence stating that the chart calculates the population every 5 years from 1950 to 2015. I think this chart shows that the population will decrease, but the number of those over 65 will increase in 2035. The next portion of this sentence seems too confusing. You could change it to:

"In 2055, the number of individuals who are 65 years and older will increase the most". You could also end this sentence by stating..."will increase in the Japanese population."

These are suggestions to help you improve because the reader needs to know who the people are in this age group.

If you want to begin the next paragraph you should state, "A more detailed analysis shows that..."

Your last paragraph, you begin to discuss the overall population in Japan and then discuss those who are over 65 years old.

Undergraduate / My trip to the land of opportunities! I am not afraid of challenges anymore. [2]

I hope that you will understand these changes. You did a great job at explaining your story. There are some changes that need to be made to help with meaning. I hope you will be pleased with these changes according to each paragraph that was written.

-I would use the word petrified or state you had mixed emotions rather than double emotions. Petrified defines it better because it can leave your body frozen as you described. There is a common informal expression that you have used. You can state you came to your senses. Change this sentence to: "After an 18-hour trip from Libya to Italy, we finally arrived in the land of opportunity".

-What do you mean when you describe the strangers buzzing? Did you have difficulty understanding the language so the sound was similar to a mumbled sound? You can describe it as a difficulty with understanding the language. Place a comma after 2015. You can delete "in my whole previous life" from the next sentence. It changes the meaning of the sentence. Place "The" before language. Change open to "opened", because you are describing details in the past.

-There needs to be a transition word or statement to describe how you met the immigration officer.
Ex: Afterwards, I met a woman at the airport who assisted me. Later that day, I met an agent who helped me purchase a ticket.

The transition words in bold are examples that will help you explain how you met the immigration officer. It will make your essay easier to understand.

Change how you state your interaction with him to: "he asked how I felt".

-When you describe how your wife's friend was glad to meet you, you forget to include that you arrived at your destination. You should discuss this before you write about greeting her. Is the tradition to show hospitality to your friends?

-Change the opening sentence to: "One of the funniest things that happened to me during my first day in Canada..." Delete laterally and place a comma after family. Change laud to loud. I think you should change your statement about being behind the time. It seems as if you felt like a beginner at understanding the region and customs.

-You should state, "a teacher's joke', when you describe your understanding. You should change parts of these sentences to: "the hard work and time I spent was rewarded by reaching this level. There are not enough words to..." I think you should describe what level you reached. Did you reach a better level of understanding or mastery in English?

-When you describe your strong will, change "were the" to "was". Also describe this fight you had as: "fight within me" Change consider to "feel". When you end your essay, do you have one goal or more than one goal in life? If you have more than one goal, you can describe it as you are ready to take the next steps to reach your goals in life.

Essays / To Live and Let Live [3]

This essay is a broad topic because the idiom allows you to write about many topics.I'm not sure what assistance you may need. However, I first looked at the definition to get a better understanding regarding the meaning of this idiom.

Let's start with meaning:
Live your life the way you want to, regardless of what others think of you (Urban Dictionary)
We must be accepting of thing things as they are and not try to reverse or change them (Cambridge Dictionary)

Choose a topic:
This topic has been made into a movie called Live and Let Live (2013) about the history of being a vegan.
What is your view about the subject? Do you feel it is good to have this attitude about life?
What are the positives and negatives of this view?

Organization:
If you have to support your position, choose good sources. Remember to cite your sources.

Writing Feedback / Write a letter to this person for an English lesson [ielts writing] [3]

You are doing quite well with your English skills. I have suggested a few changes to help you and provided some examples so you can improve your writing.

When you address the person you have to change your verb to the past tense. You can rearrange the sentence and state: "I moved into the neighborhood last year".

Change the meaning of the next sentence to show that you looked at a website. "I looked at a website and saw you were..." I'm not sure why U of A is separated. Is it really UA? I would suggest that you spell the name of the university and avoid using an abbreviation. Delete as you can see and start the next sentence with, "There". Place a comma after but and also when you describe completing assignments. I'm not sure what you are trying to describe when you discuss the master's degree. Were you trying to spell the word defense?

You can combine English and speaking. Ex:...in speaking and writing the language. If you want to describe how you were recently employed at a location, you should state that in the beginning of the sentence. Ex: Recently, I was hired part-time at the Gap in Mall of America. You have to change your punctuation in this next sentence because you are asking a question. Ex: Would it be convenient for you to have my cooking lesson scheduled for Monday? You can use this question as an example to revise your own question.

The next sentence you should change hold to held. In the following sentence change will to would.

Graduate / 'Since my early days as a child I was fond of exploring how things work' - Applying for Master Study [7]

There are only slight changes that I have suggested. These are only minor grammar changes that will help your essay. Read it once more. I feel these are the last changes that need to be made. In the third paragraph and third sentence place a comma after environment. The 4th paragraph and 3rd sentence change to, "warn him about". The 5th paragraph and 1st sentence: "made me become actively". The 6th paragraph: Don't capitalize quest. The 7th paragraph and 2nd sentence change to: cooperation with the industry. Also, change last sentence to: "high level of energy"

Graduate / Explaining what is my motivation for being a Physician Assistant. [6]

I would watch your tense as you are writing. If you are speaking in the past, you want to make sure you think about should I be using is or was. It is not uncommon to do this if you are writing a rough draft and speaking from the heart. I want to give you some helpful suggestions as well. I would make father lowercase in this essay. Also, remember to spell check. You are correct when you suggest that the two paragraphs should be switched. Here are my suggestions:

1. You could make a statement at the end of the first paragraph such as, "However, this was not the path I started on." You could phrase it different, but it is a suggestion that allows you to transition as if you are going to tell another story. This will explain how your path started with nuclear medicine and then you became interested in the PA career.

2. Now you should change the order of your paragraphs. I was thinking you should begin the paragraph with the second sentence that discusses how you worked while you were in college. You would infuse both sentences together to make a new paragraph. I am not going to quote your sentence directly. Here is how some of the infusion would read: "I worked full time during most of college and continued my education... where I became enamored..." You should end this paragraph with the sentence that ends with patient management. Your last two sentences in this paragraph will be moved to end the following paragraph. Don't delete these sentences!

3. I was thinking you could start the sentence with, "One day". I don't know a time frame that suggests when you encountered this PA. It's very broad, but if you think of a better transition you can add it.

4. The next paragraph you begin to discuss your current position. You could use a transition word (However, Yet) to open the paragraph. After Paget's disease I would put a comma and etc. I would suggest using a synonym for, "More often than not". You could use "Generally". When you discuss what your job has taught you, you should place the word "develop" before quick-thinking and "be" before empathetic. Finally, end the essay without an apostrophe.

Please read your essay again after you make changes and change the order. I hope you will like this new arrangement.

Graduate / 'Since my early days as a child I was fond of exploring how things work' - Applying for Master Study [7]

You have done quite well. There are only slight changes to be made. See my previous post for my previous suggestions to ensure you have made the needed changes too.

Capitalize "Sir or Madam"

1st paragraph: Change have developed to had developed.

2nd paragraph: The third sentence change to: "reinforced me with a" . When you discuss your class distinction change to: Bachelor bachelor course with a First first class with distinction. If you received it four times this is how you can revise it: "Also, the college awarded me with a cash prize for four years, for maintaining high grades." I hope you like this change, because it shows that you received this prize for four years.

Scroll up to see the change that I made for the fourth, fifth, 6th, and 7th paragraph. Those changes should be made as well. I want to make sure your last paragraph looks like a paragraph. When you discuss having a strong academic background, that should be apart of your last paragraph too. See my previous post.

Graduate / Explaining what is my motivation for being a Physician Assistant. [6]

I focused on meaning when reading your essay. I think a slight issue that I experienced in reading it was finding the connection between each paragraph. Your first sentence in each paragraph should help make a smooth transition with regard to what you will be discussing next. There are minimal changes I suggested.

I really understand your passion to be a physician's assistant. I understand the health fields. Yet, I'm unsure if the opening paragraph is a bit too graphic. Also, there is a slight gap in your story. I was trying to understand your transition from describing your interest in nuclear medicine to continuing your education. I think you should first describe how you attended college and worked. You don't have to capitalize cardiologists. In your last paragraph, father should be lowercase. I think you could describe your roadblocks as hindering your goals. Since this is a motivation essay, you could discuss in the next sentence how this was motivation for you to become a PA. I'm unsure about this next sentence. Do you mean that you have family support to reach your dream?

Graduate / 'Since my early days as a child I was fond of exploring how things work' - Applying for Master Study [7]

You have done quite well. I want to suggest some minor changes you can make. I think you should read your paper after these revisions. The paper sounds really good.

Is higher secondary school actually high school? (You don't have to change it if you feel the reader will understand).

2nd: You need to add "the" before faculty in the first sentence. The third sentence I would change this to, "... study of engineering reinforced in me a ..." Bachelor and first should be lowercase. I want to help you revise this sentence. Please change the order: "Also, my college awarded me with a cash prize for maintaining high grades all four years."

4th paragraph:In the third sentence you could make this change: ...about different road obstacles...and making the drivers

5th paragraph: Delete academics and just end this first sentence with "become actively involved in extracurricular activities".

6th paragraph: Open this paragraph with "My quest" to make it personal. In this paragraph, you start a sentence with "And". You should start it with, "I" instead.

7th paragraph: When you discuss scientific partnerships, you could end the sentence with, "within the industry". There is too much space. There are five sentences that should be within this paragraph, because it sounds so nice together. It is just a small formatting issue because you probably pressed enter after typing the next sentence.There is a portion of the last sentence of the essay I would suggest changing to "look forward to" rather than look forward for.

Essays / Argument Essay: Environmental Sustainability [5]

If you are to write a thesis statement it has to have some connection to environmental sustainability. This involves taking action to protect the environment to sustain life on earth. Therefore, if you present an argument on global warming it has to be in connection with environmental stability. For example, a thesis statement may present how profits to increase awareness for global warming has not solved the environmental changes that need to be made. This is a very broad thesis, but you want to be more specific. A helpful hint to help you write a thesis statement is to first gather supporting evidence for your topic. If there is enough information, you could write a good thesis statement. Sometimes you could begin to write a thesis and after the research is done and the paper is written, it doesn't support your original thesis statement.

My advice would be to find out how much supporting evidence you have, begin writing the paper, and keep in mind that you are arguing about environmental sustainability. Also, you can think about the impact global warming has already had with regard to climate, health, etc.

Writing Feedback / Short essay - Is it better to stay on the safe side? [3]

Thank you for allowing me to read your essay and help assist you with any needed changes. Here are some suggestions regarding how you can improve:

If you want to express standing up to your boss, you can also say jeopardize our position. If you state these are risks but change it to a form of excitement, this could leave your reader confused. You should continue to say risk to describe the predicaments risks have on a person's life. I'm confused by this last sentence. Do you mean that only time will tell if we have the made the right choice after taking a risk?

The second paragraph is quite confusing. The ideas are a bit confusing. I am going to try to summarize what I feel you are trying to express. Only with risks, can we bring about change. If you have no goal to improve or change, you may experience an uneventful life. I think you just need to slightly change your sentence so that the reader can understand your ideas better. The last sentence is pretty good.

The third paragraph I would use a transition word such as, "For example" to begin describing how morals guide us." You should revise the beginning of the next sentence: "There maybe regrets..." Cripled should be spelled crippled.

If you end the first sentence in the fourth paragraph with goes, it becomes incomplete. You can say over time or as time progresses. There is a misspelling of the word immediately. Place a comma after mistake I would delete, "But" and begin the next sentence with, "In". Start a new sentence with "Otherwise". You could keep the question or you could state, "we would still have doubts".

I would recommend changing plunge to risk throughout the paper.

Graduate / 'Since my early days as a child I was fond of exploring how things work' - Applying for Master Study [7]

I hope this has answered your questions. I have looked over your work and I hope you this will be helpful to you.

1st and 2nd paragraph: You want to avoid any impression that you tear things apart. This maybe something children do who are inquisitive. However, this may not apply to who you are today. You describe you passion for this really well in this opening paragraph. I'm confused about faculty of engineering. Is this a department or program? If you describe it better, it will give the paper more clarity. Was this a bachelor course or a bachelor's degree that you graduated with? That needs to be clarified too. I think you should start the last sentence in the 2nd paragraph with, "Even". You should correct this sentence to reflect that you won a prize.

Ex: Also, I was awarded with a distinguished award and compensation for a high grade point average.
This is just an example, of how you could begin to make the transition to explain your prize and grades. If you use a transition word, it will make your sentence better. You can keep your original work, but use this sentence as an example.

5th paragraph: I would change a lot of scientific events to many scientific events. You could change the arrangement of words from science passion to enthusiasm for science to describe your symposiums and trips. Traveling should be lowercase. Also, delete the -ed from open when describing different cultures.

6th paragraph: You don't state what your enthusiasm for exploring is for. Also, I would avoid using thirst or kid. Would you like to describe it as quest instead? Don't start the next sentence with and, but you can start it with education.

7th paragraph: You should make the last 3 paragraphs into one paragraph. For example, starting with your choice for the master program and ending with the program exceeding your expectations.

Will you be doing research to develop applications? I was slightly confused when you only used researching.

"I hope you will consider my application for admission and I look forward to your favorable reply".

I think you are meeting the standards, but I'm unsure about the length of the essay. You should read the guidelines to see what the requirements are for the SOP.

Writing Feedback / Living for today is better than living for tomorrow [3]

I have given you some information to help you. You can see that my questions will help you as you revise your paper. There was some information that was confusing, but I think you will be able to make the changes.

I think the opening sentence can be quite confusing. I think you mean that you have to stop living in the past and don't worry about tomorrow, because you can only live in the present. Is this correct? You agree that living for today is better than living for tomorrow. You should simply state, "Therefore, I believe that living for today is better than living for tomorrow."

This next paragraph is rather confusing. Let me summarize what I think you are trying to express. You feel that "living for today" can help when one stresses about the future. Do you love and help others in case there is no tomorrow? Sometimes, we say, "do not take the ones you love for granted".

Do you live with others whom you enjoy being around to avoid stress and have a peaceful and calmer life?

If you think about things for the future, then it changes the way you feel about living for today. I think you mean that you won't dwell or think about past regrets if you live for today. A way to put information in a series is to list it this way:

Ex: I would like to acquire a better job, have better health, and more time with my friends, etc.

I think you were trying to form a sentence but you were uncertain so you stated, 'the list may be a long time". You can use (etc) to show that there maybe more information.

When you use finally, you are ending the sentence. You don't have to state you are wrapping up. "Finally, I would like to wrap up by saying that this maxim is..."

I'm unsure what you mean when you say that you don't worry about things that you do not have information. Do you mean you don't worry about what you can't control because you live in the present?

"...I believe the maxim living for today, is universally true rather than living for tomorrow."

Writing Feedback / The annual number of rentals and sales (in various formats) of films [3]

I think that you have a good start with your summary. I wanted you to have an accurate summary so I looked at the bar chart to help assist you. I hope that this will be helpful to you. I am going to use the initials of what is represented and you can write it out. For example "V" is for VHS.

-I would change how you describe the bar chart. When you state it describes the different types of movies, it could make the reader think about genre. This actually describes the sales of movies according to the different formats in which you can purchase.

-You should separate your summary of the rentals from the "V" sales. You could state: "Also, "V" sales decreased significantly from 2002-2005". You should use a transition word rather than noted to begin the next sentence (i.e. However or Yet). I believe that this bar chart is showing the sales of "D" and "B" discs. If you can recall, "B" discs became popular after "D". The bar chart seems to show that "V" tapes were phased out or no longer in existence in 2006. Yet, "B" discs were available in 2007 and becoming more widely used.

-This would be a great addition to your summary if you add how "V" tapes were phased out and "B" steadily became more popular.

-Rental and "V" sales seem to be stated again. You should explain the amount of rentals as a drastic decrease. If sales were at 180,000 and dropped to 60,000, a significant amount of money was lost.

-Change this sentence to: "A more detailed analysis from the bar chart reveals that "D" sales increased gradually during the first six years, and reached a peak at approximately 300,000 in 2007".

-I see a small decrease in "D" sales not a significant decrease. When you discuss "B" sales you can describe it as reaching a peak of 10,000 in sales.

Writing Feedback / Getting into dept by buying goods which do not needed [2]

I hope this helps you. I also gave you some suggestions on how you can improve your writing.

1st paragraph:
- I feel you should start with the word, "Today". You want to open your paragraph by describing that people receive loans from banks. However, I'm unsure if you are discussing if the banks charge interest or the people are interested in the goods.

- It seems that you have two arguments. You should just state that the practice of borrowing encourages people to buy company products regularly. Also, since you are mentioning banks, do you think credit cards are an easy way to make purchases and live a certain lifestyle?

- I would avoid using the word hypnotize to describe this behavior. I would suggest using encourage because it is a personal choice to buy.
- Overall, in this first paragraph, there are words that will make your sentences better (i.e. the, a, etc.)

Ex: However, a strict regulation from the government to prevent advertisement of companies' goods, which encourage people to buy any product, is a viable solution this problem.

2nd paragraph:
- People tend to make a "showy display" or "brag". I'm not sure if you mean they are verbally discussing their material possessions or showing them to others.

- Please check your source and quote directly when you cite this source. The quote is confusing to read. Also give credit to the source in your paper.

3rd paragraph:
- The first sentence you forget to put "the" before government. You did this correctly when you put it before problem. Change with to "by getting loans". If you say loaning money, then the person seems like the giver rather than the one receives the money.

- Place "an" before obvious. (If a word begins with a vowel such as obvious, you should use "an" rather than a).

- This last sentence is confusing, but it also seems like a detail rather than a sentence that needs to be placed as a conclusion. You should delete that sentence. The last sentence you wrote in this essay should become the last sentence in this paragraph.

Writing Feedback / It is up to us to decide which one is better - either work or travel before starting a university [4]

I am sorry, it took so long to assist you with the next portion of your essay. I hope these suggestion help you to develop your writing.

-You should discuss how traveling will give students valuable experience to prepare them to attend a university.
-You can describe this widening of insight as becoming more insightful. It will be a simple description but still have meaning.
-You attempted to use a transition word, which is great. In the other side should be changed to, "On the other hand".
-Remember to completely write out university in your paper.
-It is common to describe bachelor graduates as graduates with bachelor degrees. Also, Younger ages could have a different meaning. A way to construct or write a sentence like this would be to describe the graduates. Ex: "...younger graduates with bachelor degrees."

-The next sentence may cost employers money, so they may want more experienced workers. You could possibly discuss how it could save the employer costs, hiring younger graduates.

-You should change your end to reflect that each side may have reasons for choosing work or a university education.
-You could change the subject of the essay when you say it is up to us. You should discuss how the students have to decide based upon their circumstances.

Undergraduate / Biology and the single child in my Chinese Family; The world I come from [2]

I have made some suggestions. I looked at each sentence and paragraph to see what changes needed to be made. Hopefully, you will be able to make these changes. Sometimes you are adding too much information in one sentence. Simplifying your sentences sometimes could prove to be beneficial. Here are some suggestions:

1st paragraph: Don't capitalize one, when you describe the one child policy. There should be a space between well and being. What status quo did your father conform to? You should begin this next sentence with, "I had a desire..." Learnt should be changed to learned. I think there is an overuse of the dash. You can simply revise the sentence about your dream to be an architect. I feel you should choose a word do you want it to be nothing or everything. It seems merely as if you were searching for your true passion in life. You felt like you lived in a society where you needed to survive, and that deterred you in pursuing what you desired to become. Is that correct? This sentence needs to be clear to the reader.

2nd paragraph: I think you should make literary lowercase when referring to the Chinese verse you recited. This sentence that discusses your favorite teacher contains too much information. You need to explain this, because it should describe what happened with the one challenging question. Form two sentences, so you will avoid having a run-on or very long sentence. When you were fighting through the night, did you really want to solve those questions? If you did, you should end the sentence describing how you wanted to solve the questions you were given.

3rd paragraph: When you discuss your biology teacher, you should start a new paragraph. Use a transition word to begin your paragraph.
- Ex: "However, my real motivation..."

- Change your tense in the next sentence from: It is, to "It was in his class that I was able to..."

- Change the next part of the sentence to: "... the molecular level, which involved..."

- Continue to change your tense from is to was, because you are speaking in the past.

You did good writing these last few sentences. Good Job!

4th paragraph: I am having difficulty understanding the first sentence of your concluding paragraph. Please explain. I think you should make one small revision with your last sentence. I feel as if you are trying to state, "...expand my knowledge..."

Writing Feedback / It is up to us to decide which one is better - either work or travel before starting a university [4]

I have given you some suggestions. I would like to give you more suggestions. I will continue to review this so I can help assist you.

-The first sentence I find confusing. I think you mean to state that, "Being mature is terminology that is usually used for young people who successfully complete..."

-I think you should begin the 2nd paragraph by stating that not attending a university after high school can have its advantages. If you state "some positive point", the reader can have difficulty understanding the meaning.

-The construction of the next sentence is good but you need to make some changes. Ex: "Earning money as soon as possible is considered by some people as the best option."

-If a student is collecting money, then they may or may not have to earn it. However, if they are saving money while they are earning it, then they are saving money for university expenses.

Writing Feedback / City life and country life - I will stay in the city, although both places are good to live. [2]

I think you need to have indentations or a way for the reader to understand when you are trying to form paragraphs. The opening of the essay begins too quickly. You need to have at least two more sentences for an opening paragraph. Also, I don't know your position in the beginning. In the end of the essay, you state you will stay in the city. Here is an example, I made up to help you to see how giving more details will help you as you begin to give a contrast between city and country living:

Ex: City life there is a lot of traffic, more pollution, and differences in lifestyle. However, in the countryside there maybe fewer pollutants, more work in taking care of farms, etc.

Position statement: Do you prefer city life even if the countryside is enjoyable for some people? You need to state this as you did at the end of your paper.

Organization of the paper
I think you should structure your paper listing the advantages of city living in one paragraph, then the disadvantages of city living in another paragraph.

Then you should list advantages of living in the country in one paragraph and the disadvantages in another paragraph.

Additionally, you add many advantages to city living. Can you think of one sentence to add to the disadvantages to city living? Also, can you add one sentence to the advantages and disadvantages of living in the country?

Grammar changes
1)There are a few spelling errors such as choises instead of choices. Also Futhermore instead of Furthermore.
2)"There are a variety of universities in urban areas..."
3)hospital in cities
4)"...modern equipment; therefore... (I used a semicolon it seems as if you are linking two ideas together).
5)The next sentence you want to make city plural and avoid using ellipses after coffee shop. Replace this with a comma instead.
6)The sentence regarding traffic develops dramatically is confusing. Please explain.
7)"...travelling on a crowed road"
8)Delete -s from transportation.
9)What does it mean to be peaceful and lower? Peaceful is okay to express, but lower is confusing.
10) What do you mean when you state that people in the country can have more time? Please explain.
11)Please use a semicolon before hence. Also, you want to change the word in to "to". You are describing moving to the country and moving to a city.

There needs to be a summary, possibly two more sentences. You start this really well. Continue to work some more on a good summary.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1 Simulation: World Population by Region, 1900 and 2000 [6]

I have made some suggestions for you. I hope this will help in making your analysis better.

1st paragraph: There is an incorrect fact. The first pie chart indicates the world population in 1900. Change 1990 to 1900 in your opening statement.

2nd paragraph: I revised the first sentence because you want to avoid starting the sentence with moving and explaining 1900 as "saw a total of people".

"A more detailed analysis shows that in 1900 there was a total of 1.6 billion who inhabited the world."

There are some more inaccuracies. Asia is represented by 60% of the pie graph. If you divide 60/100, that equals 3/5 of the population and not one third or 1/3. I would encourage you to use percentages. You could state that Asia represented 60% of the world's population in 1900. Also, when you end the sentence you state half of a fifth to represent the other countries. This is too confusing. One way to convey this to the reader is to state that: these regions represent a smaller percentage of the world population." *

*When you try to use fractions it becomes too confusing. Stating the facts that are represented in the pie chart will be much easier.

3rd paragraph: You need to revise this sentence. There are just minor additions and arrangements of words that need to be corrected.
"Next, the Asia Pacific region, which included the former Soviet Asia, still had the biggest proportion among others with more than half of the total world population in 2000".

I want to suggest that you take the Middle East and Caribbean and make it one sentence. Ex: "The Middle East and North Africa were additional regions in the world, and the Caribbean region became a part of Latin America."

Book Reports / High school Hamlet generic essay [2]

I just want to say that I feel that you have really analyzed Shakespeare and that is to be commended. My advice to you is to think about what you are trying to convey to the reader. Who is your audience? I'm not an avid Shakespeare reader, but I know that if you decide to explain something to a reader with supporting text that is difficult, you must explain it well. Sometimes it is good to simplify your sentences to avoid run-on sentences. This occurs when you try to give too much support. The changes I am going to suggest focus on meaning more than grammar. Here are some changes I think you should make:

1st paragraph: Change characterization to characterization.

2nd paragraph:
This paragraph has too much information that doesn't support mortality. First, you begin to discuss mortality. Next, you discuss Shakespeare's variation of language. Then you veer off topic to his use of feminism. (Who is the viewer?) The ending seems to correspond to how Shakespeare addresses mortality. If you discuss how Shakespeare uses rhetoric to imply death, then you can use a passage to explain how this can be interpreted.

3rd paragraph:
I think when you include Gertude, Horatio, and Claudius, this is too much to include in one sentence. If you can make a statement with some support, that clarifies moral corruption, this would be easier to understand. The next sentence is good, because you begin to explain to the reader how this explains moral corruption. You should change this next sentence. I would suggest using a transition word.

Ex: Nevertheless, Hamlet identifies himself as a Protestant and has his own reservations regarding...

I would add another sentence to describe Shakespeare's previous concessions. I think this is how you can show a contrast between what he believes is moral corruption.

4th paragraph:
What is the human trait surrounding indecision? It seems as if you are discussing a tendency towards indecisiveness. I would change whilst to while in the next sentence. Also, I would change this sentence to reflect that an example of indecisiveness exists when Hamlet doesn't appreciate the root cause of a delay and overanalyzes simple duties. In my opinion, I feel that when you make simple changes to express details to the reader, your paper has more fluidity.

5th paragraph: Place a comma after text in this first sentence. I would change the next sentence's ending.
"...involve mortality, morality and indecision. This is supported thoroughly.."