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Posts by tunglinh0907
Name: Tung Linh
Joined: Jul 10, 2017
Last Post: Sep 15, 2017
Threads: 8
Posts: 18  
From: Australia
School: college

Displayed posts: 26
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tunglinh0907   
Jul 10, 2017
Writing Feedback / The importance of local history as opposed to world history [3]

Topic: It is more important for schoolchildren to learn about local history than world history. To what extent do you agree or disagree ? (about 300 words)

native and world history education



It is argued that national history plays a more vital role than other countries' history and therefore students should focus on their native history. As far as I am concerned, while local history lessons are crucial to children's development, world history could also benefit them a lot.

There are many reasons why children are made to learn their national history. Firstly, teenagers can understand their indigenous history carefully such as significant historical events and famous heroes who protected their countries, which helps them adjust their behavior to fit the society they live in. For example, by learning native history, schoolchildren will respect their ancestors as well as express their gratitude toward their parents and grandparents. Another reason why national history is mandatory in schools is young generations can draw lessons from the process of protecting and constructing their countries of their ancestors. Using this knowledge, youngsters can deter their nations from making similar mistakes in the past and also make their countries prosper by experience collected from the past.

On the other hand, young people can also gain many benefits from learning world history. It is an inevitable fact that by studying history, learners can acquire more knowledge about other nations in various aspects. Due to the close relation between history and indigenous cultures, teenagers can have a deeper insight into customs and traditions of other areas. As a result, a deep understanding of historical situations and cultures can prevent students from offending local values when travelling to other nations. Furthermore, studying world history can provide young people with experience to develop their countries. For example, the underdeveloped nations can imitate other prosperous countries such as following their educational curriculum or strategies to make their own nations flourish in an effective way.

In conclusion, I believe that native history and world history should be taught all over the world because they are of the same importance.
tunglinh0907   
Jul 10, 2017
Writing Feedback / The importance of local history as opposed to world history [3]

@Holt
thank you so much for your comment, Holt. I really appreciate. Would you mind If I asked you a question ?
If I wrote "I totally disagree with this point of view because I believe that the learning of world and national history are of equal importance." Is it all right. I want to prove that both of them are of the same importance, so I mentioned the benefits of them to say that both of them are vital.
tunglinh0907   
Jul 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Travel and work are the only reason for learning a foreign language [3]

I think your essay is good, easy-to-follow writing, understand the topic.
However, there are a few mistakes in your essay such as plural noun.
"The reasonS person learning ...".
I also think you should include your experience in second paragraph or third paragraph because it's like an example.
tunglinh0907   
Jul 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / Problems and Solutions about local museums [5]

Topic: Many museums and historical sites are mainly visited by tourists but not local people. Why is this the case and what can be done to attract more local people visit these places.

It is an inevitable fact that most museums and local sites are mainly focused by travellers and local residents are supposed to ignore these places. There are a range of reasons contributing to this problem. However, several measures can be taken by governments to address this issue.

This phenomenon is believed to result from two main reasons. Most of local museums and historical sites have become really familiar to residents. Knowledge about these destinations has been taught to local students for many times. Therefore, local residents do not have a desire to visit these places as they think they have a deep insight into national history. For instance, in my country, Vietnam, students have already known about their native history for a long time. National history is a mandatory subject. As a result, local citizens in my area only want to gain experience about world history as well as different cultures. Another reason for which most people do not go to local museums or historical places is due to high-entrance price. Youngsters cannot afford for the cost as well as adults want to pay the same amount for something new or they have not known.

Nevertheless, governments and schools can take steps to mitigate the potential problem. The first solution is authorities should allocate national budget to invest in museums and historical sites. Money can be utilized to develop these destinations such as decorating museums with more artefacts, allowing local people to visit without charging any fee. Secondly, institutions should launch campaigns to educate the locals to understand their native history deeply as well as raise awareness about local history conservation. Another method is schools should focus on teaching national history as important as other subjects.

In conclusion, even though there are many reasons leading to this problem, I believe those in control and schools can certainly takes step to contend with this matter.
tunglinh0907   
Jul 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / Poor countries are helped by young people from wealthy nations. [2]

Topic: More and more young people from wealthy countries are spending a short time in communities in poorer countries doing unpaid work such as teaching or building houses. Why ? Who benefit more from this, the community or these young people? (write approximately 300 words)

voluntary activities in poorer countries



In certain industrialized nations, it is commonplace for youngsters to support underdeveloped countries by doing some unsalaried work in a limited amount of time. This trend has resulted from many reasons and these communities gain more benefits than teenagers from these voluntary activities.

There are some reasons for which under-privileged nations are supported by other countries' teenagers. Firstly, it is much easier for prosperous countries to help poor nations in many aspects such as technology and health. For instance, some Africans have to encounter with some contagious diseases which are curable in America or European nations. Therefore, young people can provide African countries with some vaccinations but they can help thousand of people survive. Another reason is youngsters can accumulate new knowledge. While giving homeless people a hand, young people can have a deeper insight into new lifestyles or different cultures. Lastly, by doing voluntary service, students can gain experience and become more mature. These lessons learned in other areas can make them more independent and successful in their future profession.

Even though teenagers can be benefited by helping disadvantaged people in other places, there are more advantages for these communities in many ways. These under-privileged countries can draw many lessons from wealthy nations. Some useful advice and updated methods can help local citizens to overcome obstacles. Besides, poor areas can also be supported by financial aid and therefore, the lifestyle can be promoted. For example, some tips and financial support can be spent on upgrading education or healthcare system. Underdeveloped countries can pursue guided ways to settle the issues, ranging from starvation and illiteracy to infectious diseases. It is obvious that some national problems can be addressed by the small help of international organizations.

In conclusion, young generations have a tendency to travel to nations where services are so insufficient and locals have to contend with severe problems due to a variety of reasons. Despite many benefits gained by youngsters, I believe that these communities which are supported by foreigners will certainly gain much more profits.
tunglinh0907   
Jul 22, 2017
Student Talk / What are the ways to improve my essay writing? [17]

definitely yes, you can read some books. the more you read, the more you understand the writing style.
you choose some simple topic to write.
Purchase some academic writing books of Simon or Mat Clark.
tunglinh0907   
Jul 22, 2017
Writing Feedback / Film import in comparison to self-production [2]

Topic: Some people think that it is good for a country's culture to import foreign movies and TV programs. Others think that it is better to produce these locally. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

purchasing international programs or self-making productions?



People have conflicting opinions about the effectiveness of foreign film import as opposed to self-production. While importing foreign movies could benefit one nation in many aspects, I believe that it would be better for a country to create movies for their citizens.

There are certain reasons for which governments should permit film import. First of all, broadcasting various types of movie can increase the number of viewers, which will certainly bring more profit for film companies. It is obvious that diverse range of movie types will undoubtedly appeal more viewers as there are more options to choose. Another reason is local citizens can have a deeper insight into different cultures and traditional values of other nations. As they have access to distinct customs, they can draw some good lessons from other peoples. For instance, there are many good manners of Japanese that locals can learn and alter their behaviors such as the habit of queuing or people can learn the way Western people say "thank you" and "sorry". Lastly, importing films from other countries is an effective way to study second languages.

On the other hand, I argue that local programs and movies will exert more positive influences on national art and culture. As we all know, self-producing movies and programs can create more careers for citizens. National production can lead to an increase in jobs for those who have a burning desire to be actors, actress or film makers. Another advantage of creating domestic programs is it will make native values survive, and even flourish. By watching local documentaries, locals can have a good understanding of cultural identity and therefore, it will help to preserve native culture and local lifestyle. In sharp contrast, one possible consequence if international programs have become so pervasive in one country is people may underestimate and lose interest on local tradition and values.

In conclusion, even though purchasing international programs gives rise to numerous merits,I believe that self-making films plays an indispensable role in cultural development.
tunglinh0907   
Aug 12, 2017
Scholarship / I've been living in a bungalow my whole life - influenced environment [6]

Hi, I personally think your essay is good. However, there are a few grammar mistakes in your essay such as "I was six" instead of " I was age six".

Additionally, It would be better if your tell how meaningful your family are with you ? More details about how they helped you to change and after that what you have realized ?
tunglinh0907   
Aug 12, 2017
Scholarship / Chevening essay on leadership - Servant leadership essay [6]

hi I think you should write an essay to show your talent in order to convince them why they should choose you but not the others because as I know, this scholarship is competitive, so you should express how suitable you are and persuade them that you really have potential and inner resources to be a future leader.
tunglinh0907   
Aug 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / Idolization and its effects [3]

Topic: Nowadays, young people admire media and sports stars though they often do not set a good example. Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

positive sides but also harmful consequences of idolization



There has been a trend that many celebrities are idolized by young generations despite their infamy. As far as I am concerned, even though these people may exert certain adverse impacts on teenagers' growth, they can also bring many benefits for youngsters.

On the one hand, youngsters may be negatively influenced due to admiring world-renown people excessively. It is clear that when young people idolize these famous people, they usually make efforts to mimic their idols as much as they can. Youngsters, nevertheless, are so inexperienced that they cannot distinguish between the standard behaviours and the wrongdoings. Therefore, young people may imitate what their idols have done such as smoking cigarettes or turning to illicit drugs, which may have detrimental effects on their personalities and development. Another downside is idolization may make students distract from their learning and lose family or friend interactions. More importantly, some teenagers may also copy exactly like infamous people due to their appearance or stylish clothes or their bad behaviours, which may make them addicted to luxurious lifestyle and waste an excessive amount of money.

On the other hand, admiring media and sports players can benefit young generation in many aspects. It will be better for young people who have burning desire to become athletes or movies stars like Rafael Nadal or Angelina Jolie to admire them as people can study skills and try to progress their skills. These professional players or popular actors can be role models for young generation and provide for them an incentive to fulfill their passion. Additionally, athletes and singers' mistakes can also act as good lessons for viewers. For instance, a few sportspeople utilized stimulant or doping when playing sports and were disqualified or punished strictly. As a result, the consequences can act as a deterrent for new players and also viewers from using these doping.

In conclusion, I believe that idolization can have both positive sides and its harmful consequences, but it really depends on teenagers' attitude and their choices.
tunglinh0907   
Aug 14, 2017
Scholarship / One interest that makes me different from other students [5]

hi I think your essay is good and full of interesting stories. It would be better to include your feelings. And correct some mistakes "From the age of 12 after a conversation with my parents in which THEY informed me about our families financial problems"
tunglinh0907   
Aug 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / Travel during Public Holidays - Problems & Solutions [4]

I think your essay is quite good. However, it would be better if you discussed from 2 problems or 3 problems and solutions for at least 2 problems. Your essay just contains only one problem regarding trash and garbage. That's not enough.
tunglinh0907   
Aug 14, 2017
Writing Feedback / Global firms should take responsible for local communities [2]

Topic: Nowadays, most large companies operate multi-nationally. To what extent those companies should have responsibility towards local communities in which they operate?

businesses and their responsibility



Due to the globalization, several firms establish their branches in many different countries throughout the world. These international companies , nevertheless, should be accountable to local citizens in terms of the environment and the native culture.

First factor that the multinational enterprises should take responsible for is the national ecosystem. It is obvious that the international organizations need to safeguard the native environment, which means they cannot pump greenhouse gases into the atmosphere or tip hazardous waste into rivers. Due to the fact that local residents depend on natural resources to survive. If these firms threatened the ecosystem, the inhabitants may not have health food or pure air to develop . For instance, the company Formosa, which is located in Taiwan, invests in Vietnam and they harm the living conditions by releasing domestic waste into rivers. Their actions killed an excessive amount of marine creatures and exert adverse impacts on local people's health and quality of life.

More importantly, global operations ought to respect the national customs where they set up. In other words, the firms should discover insights into the native cultures and deter themselves from offending indigenous people or what they respect. For example, when running business in Thailand, the organizations cannot advertise their products by using pictures of royal Kings as Thai citizens extremely respect royal family. Therefore, international operations should develop carefully and stay away from some taboos, which offend the inhabitants.

Another aspect global companies should take into account when investing in other areas is to create more careers for local people. The leaders have to guarantee local workers' rights, including paying enough incomes for indigenous employees or pay for workers' insurance.

In conclusion, companies who operate multinationally should have responsible for the local communities in which they invest in in many aspects, ranging from living conditions and native cultures to job opportunities.
tunglinh0907   
Sep 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / Technology in education (Writing task 2 IELTS) [3]

I think your essay' introduction and conclusion are quite short, it would be better to write at least 3 sentences. I think your essay is good and easy-to-follow. You used many good words.
tunglinh0907   
Sep 1, 2017
Writing Feedback / Illness prevention as opposed to illness treatment [3]

Topic: Some people think it is more important for government to spend public money on promoting healthy lifestyle in order to prevent illness than to spend it on the treatment of people who are already ill. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

national money on health of citizens



It is believed that national money should be utilized mainly for illness prevention by improving life quality in place of treatment for ill people. As far as I am concerned, I disagree with this point of view because illness prevention and treatment are equally important and should be paid attention the same.

On the one hand, allocating national budget for promoting healthy lifestyle and illness prevention is essential due to many reasons. Initially, this method can decrease the number of ill people as well as decline the seriousness of some ailments. By improving healthy lifestyle, citizens can take their health status under control and have enough time to cope with some risky circumstances of illness. Promoting healthy habit, such as eating health food or drinking plenty of fluids, is a must-do preparation in order to minimize the potential of being ill. Secondly, there are numerous of incurable diseases that may result in death. When people catch untreated diseases, ranging from cancer to HIV, their lives will certainly be intimidated and opportunities to survive in the long-run is so rare. Therefore, defending people from distracting severe diseases is extremely necessary. Without preparation and protection, people may get serious diseases or even die.

On the other hand, treatment for ailments should be paid much attention and it is crucial for the authority to allocate national budget on illness treatment. It is obvious that the precautions cannot stop people from getting ill comprehensively, the methods can only mitigate the potential of being sick. In other words, the number of patients can drop but never end. Therefore, it is better to invest money in medical facilities and medications than ignoring to save them. More importantly, curing ailment is vitally significant when there are some outbreaks of disease. Certain of infectious diseases may spread from one victim to thousand of people. If the government did not attempt to find ways to cure contagious diseases, the viruses would threaten other people in succession.

In conclusion, being sick is unpredictable. Therefore, the authority and inhabitants should safeguard themselves beforehand by promoting healthy lifestyle and also find solutions to combat diseases because both illness prevention and treatment play an indispensable role in our delightful life.
tunglinh0907   
Sep 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Ielts General Training Essay on reading for kids [4]

Your essay has some grammar mistakes but Wulf has helped you to fix them already. I have some suggestions for you. You are discussing two opposing aspects of the matter: the benefits when children listen to stories from their parents. On the other hand, children can gain benefits when reading by themselves. Therefore, I think you should divide the body into two paragraphs:

1) the benefits when children listen to stories from their parents
2) children can gain benefits when reading by themselves

However, I think the topic want you to focus on child-parent relation more and its meanings. Therefore, you can discuss your essay by telling benefits when parents reading books for their children only.
tunglinh0907   
Sep 15, 2017
Writing Feedback / Reasons and solutions for wasting food [4]

Every day, millions of tons of food are wasted all over the world. Why do you think this is happening ? and how can we solve this problem?

Wasting food is a disquieting problem



An excessive amount of food is thrown away on a daily basis, which is a burning issue throughout the world. This problem results from certain reasons. However, many steps can be taken to address the issue.

Obviously, there are many causes leading to the phenomenon. First of all, the amount of wasted food has surged substantially due to mass production. Various types of food are manufactured significantly and customers can purchase food in every supermarket or any stores at any time. Therefore, people have a tendency to underestimate the vital role of food as they think food is always available and never become lacking. Another reason is due to the reasonable price of food. It is clear that mass production gives rise to the imbalance between supply and demand. Food is becoming superfluous, more than people's demand and therefore, it becomes affordable for every customer. People buy a huge amount of agricultural produce and raw meat as they are at the low price. Last underlying cause is people buy food because they want, not for their requirements. It is inevitable that food companies have several strategies to attract potential customers to buy their food such as stunning packages, fresh food selection or food discount programs. As a result, buyers are appealed to purchase more food despite having enough at home.

Nevertheless, there are different measures to settle the global issue. Initial solution is governments should raise citizens' awareness by disseminating information about the food role. People have to understand the significance of food, do not buy because of its eye-catching appearance and should be educated methods to preserve food for many days. Secondly, inhabitants should be encouraged to use left-over food in place of throwing away. For instance, they can donate redundant food for the homeless and the disadvantaged or gather stinky food for animal breeding in order to save food.

In conclusion, wasting food is becoming a hot trend recently as a result of mass production, price decrease and enterprises' promotional strategies. Those in control should come up with several approaches to deal with the reality, ranging from education to donation.
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