Writing Feedback / People should take time to relax with hobbies very different from their job [2]

People enjoy free time and vacation because they can do everything what they really want to do. Someone could take a picture, the others could play the musical instruments. We called it hobby. Hobby always makes us happy and relief our daily stress. I think if we really want to enjoy our life, we should have hobby which is not so much connected with our real job because of following reasons; to enrich our life, and to relief our daily life stress.

First of all, unrelated hobby can alleviate our daily life stress. There are too many people who got daily stress from their working place. We cannot avoid that kind of stress even though we really enjoy that job. So I definitely recommend people do the other thing which is not related to their job in the weekend or vacation. It help forgetting about their daily life for a while, but if they choose the hobby which is related to their job, they have similar stress and it cannot help releasing stress. I have one of my friend who really wanted to be a writer. She had kept her effort and finally became a writer. However, she never write whenever she has a free time. Right now, writing is her most stressful thing, yet she really enjoys her job. It means even though the people who really enjoy their job cannot be happy if they don't have hobby which is not related their job.

The other reason is that, the unique hobby make the people's life enrich. The friend who I mentioned above, is learning cooking. She said that how the cooking made her life happy. She can use a lot of similes which she inspired during the cooking class in her writing.She admitted that her insight has widened since she knew that. I definitely agree about that. If one musician learns painting, and one painter learns playing musical instruments, their point of view will be enlarged.

For those two reasons, I definitely agree with that people should take time to relax with hobbies which is very different from their jobs. It is not only for relieving their stress but also enriching their life. We cannot avoid daily stress. If so, the best way to get away from is finding alternative way. Having opposite hobby to their job can make our life enjoyable.

Writing Feedback / Eating home-made food is better than eating out in restaurants or food stands [3]

As the world is getting complex, people prefer to go out dinner than to cook at home; A lot of house wives work or participate their social activities. Depend on situation, people eat out or eat home-made food. I think that, eating home-made food is better than eating out in restaurants or food stands because of following reasons; it can make me healthier and I can save my money and time.

Firstly, I prefer eat home because of my healthy life. Actually I am on a diet which means I have to control my calories. If I eat dinner out, I cannot control my calories, moreover, restaurants serve too much amount of food better than I can eat. I can easily overeat. Also, I can make my own dish with organic vegetables or antibiotic meat when I cook at home. However, if I go to the restaurant, I can not. They usually use chemical indigents to allure customers and to make better taste. I prefer the healthy food , yet it could be less delicious than restaurant food.

Secondly, home-made food can save my money. If I have dinner out, it usually takes 30 dollars for each person. I know that I can buy a lot of grocery stuffs with same amount of money. I can prepare 3 times meals with 30 dollars. Moreover, it can save my time. If I make dinner at home, it only take from 30 minutes to one hour. On the other hand, if I eat outside, it takes a lot of time, such as, driving time, waiting time, and serving time. Of course I can save my gas if I have dinner at home.

I am sure that eat dinner out is convenient, and sometimes more delicious. However, eating homemade food is better option because it can be helpful for my losing weight and save my money.

Writing Feedback / 'living without parents can give freedom' - TOEFL Essay [5]

Question: Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a long time. Which of these situations do you think better?

It is controversial issue that whether young adults live alone or live with their parents. Most of young adults want to independence from their parents as soon as possible. However, it is not easy for them unless if they are ready for being alone. If I have two options, I would say that I want to live with my family as long as I can because of following reasons; it can save my money, and it is safer than living without my parents.

First of all, living with parents can save money. If someone live alone, he has to pay extra money such as room rental fee, living expenses. If he lives with his family, he does not have to pay. I had to live alone because my university was so far from my parents house. At that time, I had to depend on my parents financial aid. It gave too much burden to my parents. I started to work but it was not enough for me since half it had to be spent for paying my rent fee. Comparing my friends who live with their parents, I spent as twice as they did.

Secondly, it is safer.Safeness does not only mean physically but also mentally. Especially for woman, living alone is too dangerous because the world is getting cruel. Too serious criminals are happened around us. Moreover, we can keep our healthy life easily if we live with our parents. Cooking at home is very difficult especially for the person who just started live alone. We can eat healthy home-made cooking everyday, and be taken care by our parents whenever we are very sick. Living without parents means we have to deal with everything by ourselves. For young adults, it could be dangerous because they are prone to be allured by junk food, bad life pattern, and bad people.

It is true that living without parents can give freedom and protect privacy life. However, we have to compensate for that. We have to be free from parents pocket money and we have to control ourselves from any other situation. We need span for preparing to be alone.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL(Physical exercise is more important for older people than for younger people) [4]

As technology has developed dramatically, our life is getting more and more longer. It means we can prolong our life span easily as time goes by. That is the reason why senior people should exercise than younger people. It is very easy to love longer, however it is very difficult to live healthy. For older people, exercise is more important than younger people because of the following reasons; they don't have enough chance to move their body compared to younger people, their metabolic system is very prone to be broken.

First, elder people don't have enough change to exercise. For young people, they consume calories more since almost them are working and hang around people. However, almost senior people retired from their working places. It means they usually stay at home and spend time to doing indoor activity. It is not got for their health because it can prevent to consume their calories properly. For enhance their healthy life, they should exercise. Young people can replace their exercise with their social activity, but older people cannot. They should intend to exercise everyday for this reason.

Secondly, as people is getting more and more older, the metabolic system is getting less efficient. Metabolic system is very important function for healthy life. Regular exercise can enhance the metabolic system. Moreover, older people cannot digest properly because their lack of metabolic system. If they exercise everyday, it can be very helpful for their digesting function.

We cannot doubt that as time goes by, life span could be getting longer. It is very important for us to live healthy than to live longer. Young people don't have to worry about their healthy so seriously because they have vigorous amount of social activities. However, older people should exercise more than young people. It can keep their life healthy and make them also happy since mental healthy came from physical healthy.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL (The passage and lecture is about autobiography) [2]

Hi!
This essay is TOEFL writing essay type 1.

It is debate about autobiography.

It could be nice if you check my grammar mistakes and structure.
Thanks.

The passage and lecture is about autobiography. Autobiography is the book about famous people's success story. There has been controversial issue regarding autobiography. The passage has negative point of view of autobiography, whereas the professor has positive point of view of autobiography.

First of all, the passage argues negative factor of the autobiography which is focused on personal experience or emotional memory. Moreover, the autobiography is getting more and more commercialized to attract readers. According to the passage, book makers are focus on the factor which the readers want to be heard, so it makes worse quality of biography. However, the professor has totally different point of view about autobiography. She gainsays that the autobiography is very valuable itself. She thinks that, through the book, we can understand the world we never been, experience we never done before. She point out that the autography is window between ordinary people and famous people. Also, she suggests that, through the autograph, people can enrich their life as well.

Secondly, they have different view point of view about reality. The passage said that the autobiography should be real story, however, the pressure for making fantastic story made a lot of ghostwriter. However, the professor said that it does not matter whether the story is true or not. The professor emphasize that the more important thing is making readers impressive and affect their life.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL Essay - 'disagree with building the new military base here' [2]

It is a controversial issue to tell whether to build a military base camp near our community is good or not. It has double edge swords; for the security reason, it is essential to build, whereas, it could be a lot of problems to the community which is adjacent to the military base camp. I definitely sure that it has much more disadvantages because of the following reasons; it can ruin the environment, treat the community people, and suppress the regional economy.

First, I definitely sure that the military base camp can give the community the harmful effect. The base camp should be protected from a lot of distracting objects such as forest or big rocks. However, those things are the elements of the beautiful scenery. It could make a lot of conflict between the army and the community. I am sure that the beautiful scenery cannot be removed. In my country the army tried to burn out the beautiful rock which is the designated heritage, so a lot of environment activists are against building the military army. However, it is finally ruined and the ecosystem was also ruined. Now only base camp is existed. The people who lived there were left, also tourists are not go there anymore. It is very sad story.

Sometimes the military army could treat the community people. Few years ago, two teenager girls who lived near the military base camp got sexual harassment form the soldier. The solder arrested the next day, and he confessed that he did such a bad thing because he was drunken. It is ridiculous to set base camp for security reason because the base camp itself treat us much more.

The last reason I disagree with this military camp near the community is it can hinder community economy. The military camp restrict a lot of things which is related to the community development, such as construction the road. It can give any benefit for the people.It can ruin the economy development. As I mentioned before, as soon as the base camp is set up, the income from tourist industry also disappeared since base camp restrict the tourists.

In conclusion, military base camp give a lot of disadvantages to the people. It can ruin the environment, treat the people who live near the base camp, also hider the community development. For this reasons, I absolutely disagree with building the new base camp near the community.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL (Small University of Big University) [NEW]

Q: Some students prefer to attend a small university. Others prefer to attend a big university. Discuss the advantages of each. Then indicate which type of university you prefer? Use specific reason and details to support your answer.

It is controversial issue to tell which is better, small university or big university. Each one has its own advantages; the small university gives students share close relationship, on the other hand, the big university supports great range of facilities. However, I prefer small university to big university because of the following reasons; it gives more chance to strengthen relationship with peers, less student per professor can give more academic benefit to the students, also the small university gives the students have more chance to apply for scholarship or recruiting.

The first reason I prefer the small university is its cohesion. The small university usually has small students and small professors. It means they have more chance to know each other than the big university. It can strengthen their relationship. I also graduated from small university. When I graduated from the school, I could know almost students in my school. It helped a lot when I started my career even though I only know the alumni's name.

Secondly, the small university professor teaches less students than big university's professor. It means, professor can easily concentrate each student; the professor can care each students individually. It is a lot of benefit for students and professor.

The last reason, the small university students can have more chance to apply for scholarship or recruiting. If same amount of scholarship or recruiting opportunities are given each university, the small university students can easily get because of less competition.

Moreover, the big university students have to struggle for taking certain subject since there are too many students.
In conclusion, the small university is better than the big university because they can give more opportunity for financial aids or recruiting, and they can easily achive academic goal since the professor can care more detail, and strengthen their relationship. Although the big university can give bigger campus with perfect facility, if the students cannot enjoy properly, it is useless.

Writing Feedback / TOEFL (Business should hire employees for their entire lives) [6]

It is controversial issue to tell businesses should hire employees for their entire lives since someone might think it is generous policy for all employee, on the other hand, the others might think it can take opportunity from one who never had chance to work before. Those have double edged swords, however, my prospective is posed to the later because of the following reasons; it can enhance company competence, motivate employees to work harder, and give more chance to new generations.

The first reason I disagree with entire life hiring is because of enhancing competence. According to the statistics from the New York Times, the companies which guarantee the entire hiring to their employees have less work efficiency. It means the workers from those companies might do not only pay attention but also not concentrate their work performance.

Secondly, eternal hiring could distract employee's motivation. If they are guaranteed to be hired their entire life, they might not struggle for their self-development. People usually try harder when they are in a harsh condition. I am sure that every person should develop themselves and try to be better than the previous day.

The last, eternal hiring can take opportunity from the person who really want to work even with less salary. Today we suffer from serious unemployment rates. As time goes by, it is getting worse. When the university students graduate, they might be eager to start their career as soon as possible. What if all company gurantee their employees entire hiring? It could make worse situation.

In conclusion, the entire lives hiring can hinder the company and employee's competency, moreover, it can take chance from young prompt generations. Someone might say that it is cruel if the companies lay off employees as their wishes. I am definitely sure that if the employees try to do their best every single time, such a crucial event will be never happened for them.

Writing Feedback / 'Computers can translate, so there's no need to learn foreign languages?' - IELTS [3]

Q. Today, there are computer programs that can translate languages. Some people say that since computer can translate language, children no longer need to study foreign languages. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

A.

It is true that as technology developed, various kind of brilliant translator programs can replace interpreters. That is the reason why some experts consist that children do not have to learn foreign language. However, no matter how the technology is getting smart, children should learn foreign language because of the following reasons.

First of all, children can enrich their life through learning foreign language. Learning language does not mean only mastering language but also understanding other culture. It can give opportunity for the children to wide their view sights.

Secondly, dependence of translator or computer program is too dangerous. They are not human beings which means it has possibilities to make mistakes if it operated wrong. Moreover, such machines cannot translate every single emotional expression which we really want to tell.

Last of all, mastery foreign language could be children's future competency. As time goes by, the world is getting smaller. Many companies and colleges want to be globalized. Many employers and school admission officers prefer the people who can speak foreign language fluently.

In conclusion, it is obvious to tell learning foreign language is valuable process regardless the other alternative translator or computer programs.