Writing Feedback / Writing IELTS Task 1: Compare Water Usage in San Diego, California and the Rest of the World [2]

The graph illustrates the consumption 3 types water used (residential, industry, and agriculture) in 3 regions. The figures are compared to amounts of water used in San Diego, California, and worldwide.

As an overall trend, the two regions showed different water consumption from the worldwide average, while residential has the largest in San Diego and California. Agriculture has the largest consumption in the worldwide.

In particular, residential consumption was the highest in San Diego, accounting for 60%, which followed by industry at 23% or nearly a quarter, and agriculture at 17%.
Likewise, California used residential in the largest proportion of 39%. Industry showed a third of figure. Agriculture was used at 28%.
In the worldwide, both residential and industry were used the least in this period with percentages of 8% and 23% respectively. Agriculture used in the worldwide showed the largest proportion, nearly seven in tens of all consumption, or accounting for 69%.

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Writing Feedback / TED Summary: How to Look Inside the Brain [3]

Today we can see what is inside of the brain rather than just look at its overall shape. New chemical stains for brain tissue were developed and they gave us our first glimpses at brain wiring. What really launched modern neuroscience was a stain called the Golgi stain. Neurons do not operate alone, but rather make connections with others. Now sometimes neuroscientist need to identify individual molecular components of neurons, molecules, rather than the entire cell. There are several ways of doing this, but one of the most popular ones involves using antibodies. Antibodies are the henchmen of the immune system. It turns out that they are so useful to the immune system because they can recognize specific molecules.

Writing Feedback / The proportion of learners attending four secondary schools types [2]

The table describes the percentage of the secondary school attendance in four types of secondary school between 2000 and 2009. As overall, the table show clearly that the attendance of pupils at Specialist Schools, Grammar Schools, and Voluntary-Controlled Schools experienced a decline. Meanwhile, Community Schools go through increased.

To begin, the pupils of Voluntary-Controlled Schools dropped from 52% to 20% or one-fifth. Similarly, a number of pupils at Grammar school also dropped an amount of 5% in 2005 and 7% for next four years. The percentage of student attendance at Specialist Schools also fell, despite not significantly.

However, while three different types of secondary schools declined, a number of secondary students at Community Schools rise dramatically. Started from 12% in 2000, became 32% or nearly a third in 2005. The growth of attendance increased to 58% or over a half. In fact, while in minority, only 12%, in 2000, this table show a raising well over a half of all pupils attend at Community School for next nine years.

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Writing Feedback / H.A.I.L. - it's the key which opens listeners ears and consciousness for spoken words [7]

TED Resume: How to Speak so that People Want to Listen

There are four really powerful cornerstones, foundations, that we can stand on if we want our speech to be powerful and to make a change in the world. Fortunately, these things spell a word. The word is HAIL, and it has a great definition as well. The "H" is honesty, being true in what you say, being straight and clear. The "A" is authenticity, just being yourself. The "I" is integrity, being your word, actually doing what you say, and being somebody people can trust. The "L" is love, wishing people well, for two reasons. Absolute honesty may not be what we want. Tempered with love, honesty is a great thing. If we are really wishing somebody well, it is very hard to judge them at the same time.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Shadow on the South China Sea [4]

There are two sets of discords in the South China Sea. The first is about the tiny islands themselves and involves China, Taiwan, Philippines, Malaysia, Brunei, Vietnam, and limited extent in Indonesia. The second is about the spaces in between the tiny islands and that predominantly concerns the United State of America and China. China escalated an expedition to the Paracel Islands, between the coasts of China and Vietnam, and claimed them for the first time. During 1920 until 1930, France joined China and Japan in challenging the islands. This was no country consistently occupied or administered them. The bureau did not have the means to assess the islands itself so it simply copied existing maps and translated or transliterated the British names into Chinese. In doing so they included some mistakes printed on those maps.

Writing Feedback / The pie chart gives explanation of land quality deterioration worldwide [2]

The pie chart illustrates the causes of land degradation in worldwide and the table indicates the differences in causes of land degradation by three regions: North America, Europe, and Oceania which is a large group of island in the South Pacific, including Australia and New Zealand. At first glance, it can be seen that over-grazing is a major cause of land degradation in worldwide and in North America by over-cultivation, in Europe by deforestation, and in Oceania by over-grazing.

The pie chart shows that over-grazing represented 35% of the total causes. Furthermore, land degradation was caused by deforestation amounts 30%, or three-tenths and over-cultivation by 28%. Turning to the table, in North America, only 5% of the land degradation, which over-cultivation accounted for 3.3%. However, land degradation in Europe by 23%, or close to a quarter, where deforestation became a major cause. Oceania had only two causes of land degradation. There were deforestation and over-grazing, which over-grazing had the greatest percentage, more than one-tenth.

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Writing Feedback / How Big is the Ocean? It covers roughly 71% of Earth's surface. [3]

There really is only one ocean, consisting of five component basins that are called the Atlantic, the Pacific, the Indian, the Arctic, and the Southern. Each of these five, while generally referred to as oceans in and of themselves, are really and truly a part of a single, massive body of water, one ocean which defines the very face of planet Earth.

The ocean covers roughly 71% of Earth's surface, some 360 million square kilometres. The ocean represents 97% of Earth's total water content. On top of all that, the ocean contains upward of 99% of the world's biosphere. In fact, with roughly 50% of the world's population living within 100 kilometres of the coastline and with most of the remainder living close enough to lakes, rivers, or swamps, all of which ultimately lead to the ocean, virtually every single person on the planet has the opportunity to influence the general health and nature of the world ocean.

Writing Feedback / Free trade across countries. Tuesday, October 4, 2016 [3]

The free movement of goods across national borders has long been a controversial issue. Some people argue that it is necessary for economic growth, while others claim that it damages local industries.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion. You should write at least 250 words.

Free trade across countries has long been a polemic issue. Many people believe that it is necessary for economic development. Just the same, others argue that free trade threatens local industries, both small, medium, and large industries. In this essay, I will discuss both views and state my own position.

People who support the free trade argue each country has the advantage that distinguishes the country from each other. For example, Indonesia as a maritime country has the advantage of marine products. Tuna fish, lobster, and seaweed exported to other countries that do not have a lot of marine products. The price of Indonesia's marine products become cheaper than local prices in export destination countries. This trade provides benefits for both countries.

Meantime, opponents of free trade claim that the unrestricted movement of goods and services causes damage to local industries. Free trade cause prices of imported goods become cheaper. People prefer cheap imported goods with the same quality as domestic goods. This phenomenon led to reduced demand for domestic goods and adversely affected the local industries. This condition causes the slowdown of economic growth, increased percentage of unemployment, and declining state revenues from taxes.

In conclusion, free trade has its advantages and disadvantages for the economy of the country. It may be a factor supporting economic growth. On the other hand, if it is not controlled by the regulator, then it becomes a disaster that led to the economic slowdown. Even though almost all countries have free trade, I believe that the government of each country has set up a policy to save the economy of their country.

Writing Feedback / Article Summary: Digital advertising: Doesn't ad up [2]

This year's advertising week event has been marred by uncertainty. In the week leading up to it, Dentsu, a big agency, taken overbilling by its digital-ad division in Japan; and Facebook said it had expanded the average time people spent watching video ads.

Digital ads were understood to help. Cookies and other tags would direct the right advertisements to the right people, based on their activity online. Digital tools would track which ads affect consumers to buy products.

The first is that Facebook and Google have simply become too dominant. In 2015, the pair considered for more than 75% of online-ad growth in America, according to a venture-capital firm, Mary Meeker of Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers. Google and Facebook have started to allow third parties to verify some data, but many metrics remain proprietary.

The Association of National Advertisers has devised a model contract to protect its members' curiosities. The recent outcry may prompt Facebook and Google to be more open. Facebook articulates it will let third parties measure how long a viewer sees a display ad, though the company has yet to set a date.