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Posts by just_writer
Name: a writer
Joined: Oct 16, 2017
Last Post: Oct 29, 2017
Threads: 24
Posts: 42  
Likes: 5
From: US

Displayed posts: 66 / page 2 of 2
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just_writer   
Oct 21, 2017
Writing Feedback / GRE issue essay of claim and reason type [4]

Hello,
Here are some corrections,

it is important for young
to set the right goals which are completely
youth is fascinated
It would be a great change if a career counseling is included as part of a college or
should be shown
just_writer   
Oct 21, 2017
Writing Feedback / Is it better to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway or on public transport? [2]

In a number of countries, some people think it is necessary to spend large sums of money on constructing new railway lines for very fast trans between cities.

Others believe the money should be spent on improving existing public transport.

Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.


commuting between cities



In today's world, transportation plays an important role in our everyday life. While some people think that it's important to invest n railways to travel faster between cities, others believe that the government should dedicate money to makes the available transportation system better. It's a controversial discussion, so I will discuss both points of views and present my idea with an example to support my answer.

On one hand, there are people who think that we need better railway so have access to other cities in short time. They think that it could help the environment by reducing the traffic between two destinations, therefore eliminate the air pollution and also save a lot of time when one wants to see his/her loved ones in a far city.

On the Other hand, some people believe that the transportation that we already have, need a lot of maintaining and have much room for improvements. In fact, they think that the most crucial part is the local transportation because we use it more often in our everyday life. For example going to work or restaurant and also for entertainment. So it deserves more attention as well.

In my point of view, I respect both of these opinions, and I believe it really depends on the country and its priorities. For example, in my own country, we need more railways to connect cities together, because a lot of workers have to travel to a big city near them for work, so it will save them a lot of time and also reduce the traffic in cities rush hours and saves tons of money for them.

In conclusion, two point of views plus my own comments about whether it is important to connect cities to each other with faster vehicles or to spend money on the transportation we already have and extend it, are presented in this essay. I believe that it depends on each country plan of development to select which plan is more suitable for them.

(337 Words)
just_writer   
Oct 21, 2017
Writing Feedback / The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurant between 2003,2013 [3]

The chart below shows how frequently people in the USA ate in fast food restaurants between 2003 and 2013.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The graph compares how often USA citizens eat in fast food restaurants in 2003, 2006 and 2013. It categorizes the results in 6 states; which are Every Day, Several Time a Week, Once a Week, Once or Twice a month, a Few Time a Year, and Never. In this report, we will discuss the findings in more details by presenting the main trends in the graph.

Under 5% of USA people either never ate in fast food restaurant or ate every day, although the numbers are decreasing gradually from 2003 to 2013. 17% of people ate fast food several times a week in 2003, this number increased to 20% in 2006 and rapidly decreased to 16% in in 2013. Just over 30% of people were using fas food at least once a week in 2003, and the figures gradually went up to around 33% in 2006 and significantly went down to 28% in 2013. In addition, in 2003, 30% of citizens ate fast food once or twice a month which had significant decrease to 25% in 2006 and surprisingly grows to 33% in 2013. In the last category, there were 13% of people who ate fast food a few times a year, and this number gradually increased to 15% in 2006 and remained steady till 2013.

It shows that in general, the number of people who ate fast food is decreasing in 3 categories over the mentioned years, except for "Once or Twice a Month" which raised to 33% and "a Few Times a Year" plus "Never" which remained steady.

(229 Words)

One additional question I have is about the number of words that I used. Are they too much? Do I get a deduction in grade if something like this happens in IELTS exam?




just_writer   
Oct 21, 2017
Scholarship / Chevening study in UK essay, my journey to become urban planner in the future. [6]

Hello,
Here are some corrections:

On the other side
in the UK
I was a member of
Firozkoh city master plans

I'm not sure if it is correct to use plan in something, you usually plan to do or plan on doing
As also sgassani mentioned in his/her post, I think it is better to tell about yourself and then bring forward the university you have chosen.
just_writer   
Oct 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / The population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults. good or bad? [2]

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

the challenges of population aging



In today's world, there are countries that the percentage of young adults is more than elderlies. The question of whether it is a positive or negative thing is a controversial one. I will discuss this issue and present some examples and talk about the effects of it to the country.

From one had, the higher number of youth in a country means more people are available for work. Obviously, every country needs workers and professionals for developing. There are some countries whose citizen's average age is retired, therefore they have to accept migrants to solve their lack of working labor problem.

Another angle is health care system. When a country's most population become old, they need special treatments for their health as well, so the government needs to pay a lot of money to build or maintain hospitals and prepare proper health insurance.

On the other hand, the older people gained a lot of experience in their life and it would be a shame if countries don't use their skills. While training new employees is a hard and expensive process, the elders already know how to get the job done perfectly.

In conclusion, while it's awful for a country to loos all their experienced people, every country still needs working labor for progress. In overall it is a good thing if the number of youth increases in a country, meanwhile elders are also valuable and younger people can receive advice them, also companies can use their experience to train new employees.

(256 Words)
just_writer   
Oct 19, 2017
Writing Feedback / Maps below show the centre of small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development [4]

The maps below show the centre of small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


plethora of changes in the future



The maps present information about Islip city present and future. It seems that the small city is going to evolve after the finish of development plan. The changes in the city will be discussed.

Islip town has a main road right now, which carries the whole city traffic. There is a big park in the east and the countryside in the north that can be used for entertainment. The school is near to houses in the south of the city.

In the future, the main difference would be in the size of the park, which is going to be smaller, therefore new houses will take most of the space. All the shops in the north are changed to bus station, shopping center, car park and of course new houses again. The main road usability has changed, so only pedestrians could use it.

In conclusion, seems like the city is going through a lot of changes in the future. Nevertheless, the shops in the center of the city will stay exactly the same. Besides, the population of the city is going to increase due to the new houses that are going to be available.

(193 Words)




just_writer   
Oct 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research [3]

Some people believe that it is good to share as much information as possible in scientific research, business and the academic world. Others believe that some information is too important or too valuable to be shared freely.

Discuss both these views and give tour own opinion.


sharing information for world prosperity



In today's world, information has a lot of values. while there are a lot of companies or people that share their data or knowledge, others try to keep data to themselves. I will talk about both points of view and also share my own ideas as well.

From one side, data and knowledge bring a lot of power with itself. And there are people who share their knowledge with everybody. There are the people who push the world forward. Because when the data or results from their work are available, others can extend the findings or even invent something new.

On the other hand, there are companies or people that always try to hide their findings, sometimes the data is critical or in some cases secret (e.g. military information) which is understandable, why they can't present them to the public. But in some cases, it is because of the selfishness of one person. for example, apple inc. always tries to hide the new inventions and doesn't publish any papers about their work, And it is the reason why scientists are not willing to work for them because their work will remain anonymous.

In my own opinion, everyone should publish the information they have, of course with the right copyright statement. It makes their work much more valuable. For example, I always publish my works and it gives me the joy to watch people extend it. People always appreciate that and no one ever misses my findings.

In conclusion, there are two types of people. Some people think it is alright to share the information with the world. While others disagree. Although it is fine to keep the critical information to yourself. I think sharing will have a lot of good feeling and also makes the world a better place.

(303 Words)
just_writer   
Oct 18, 2017
Scholarship / My guidance toward others - Chevening essay on leadership [4]

Hello ThiliniG.
here are some possible corrections:

producers to farmers, although
nor many contacts
exporters and buyers
in the Middle East
the event attracts
The ACK has been a great platform
got selected for a paid teaching
to be a leader, but
just_writer   
Oct 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / The proportion of men and women from the Aussie country who did systematic physical activity [4]

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.


The diagram compares the portion of people from Austalia based on age group who exercise regularly in 2010.

It shows that Australian females have the most activity from age 35 to 64. in contrast, Australian men exercise more when they are younger, specifically from 15 to 24 years old. also from ages 25 to 64, women have more activities than men, but in other periods they are fairly close.

While the portion of active Australian men drops down as they get older, females figures increase. However, when they get older, after 65 years old, numbers are pretty much the same. Also, over 40 percent of both males and females have regular exercise after age 45. Although this number never went under 40 for females, for men in a brief period when they are 25 to 34 it reached to 39.5%.

In conclusion, It seems that females have more physical activities than males in overall. And they reach to almost same number when they are above 65 years old.

(153 Words)

And I have a related question, do numbers count as words in IELTS exam?




just_writer   
Oct 18, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that the amount of time that is put into art could be better managed [5]

Hello @Holt,

For the introduction, in this essay, I taught my paraphrasing was good. I try to not to use the topic words. But obviously, it wasn't enough. which lead me to a question, do the words have to be completely different and try using big words? I think the only word that I took from the topic was "time". So, the reason that my paraphrasing wasn't good enough was because of grammatical errors or range of vocabulary that I used?

Writing one complete thought in an extremely long sentence is not only useless because your sentence doesn't really make a point

Can I ask for one example in my essay? I want to try avoiding this kind of mistake.

Thank you very much.
just_writer   
Oct 17, 2017
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that the amount of time that is put into art could be better managed [5]

Some people think that art is an essential subject for children at school while others think it is a waste of time.
Discuss both views and give your opinion
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


art courses in schools



Children learn a lot of subjects at school, one of them is art, which some people think is necessary while others totally disagree and believe that the amount of time that is put into art could be better managed. In this essay, I will discuss both points of views.

From one hand, there are a lot of people believe that art should be one of the courses at school because it develops cognitive skills in children, everything is possible when it comes to art, for example in drawing, one can draw and show his/her imagination on a piece of paper, it helps them to think freely.

From the other hand, there are parents who think there are no points in learning art for their child, they argue that the time could be better spent, for example, adding extra time to mathematics and physics courses. because in future nobody cares about art, but math going to have a positive impact.

Lastly, I think the art course is really important, especially for children because it opens a new door for them, full of opportunities, I remember my school days when I couldn't wait for the art course, I enjoyed every minute of it. In school, we learned how to play music and it really changed my understanding of music for the rest of my life.

In conclusion, we discussed people's opinion about art course in schools, some people think it is positive, while others not. And at the last paragraph, I mentioned my own idea about the topic.

(259 Words)
just_writer   
Oct 17, 2017
Writing Feedback / Nowadays, a lot of new, big supermarkets are appearing every day - what about local business? [4]

Due to the development and rapid expansion of supermarket in some countries, many small, local business are unable to compete. Some people think that the closure of local business will bring about the death of local communities.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


small shops face extinction



Nowadays, a lot of big supermarkets are appearing every day. Some people say that it could ruin local businesses because they can't compete with supermarkets and it would be the end of small businesses. I partially agree with the idea that supermarkets are strong and it is hard for local shops to fight with them, but I think they still can protect themselves, sure they will have fewer customers, but it is not the end. I'm going to describe why, in following paragraphs.

First of all, The big supermarkets with so many branches have a lot of resources which makes it hard for local shops to win. Supermarkets can offer various kinds of discounts and make special plans for their loyal customers, they can present goods for different tastes. Personally, when I have to buy lots of stuff, I prefer going to one supermarket instead of going to different small stores.

On the other hand, supermarkets are often hard to reach, usually, because of the distance and traffic, people can't go to them for every little item. It is when the small shops come in handy. There has always been a small shop available in the neighborhood that can fulfill people's basic needs.

In conclusion, even though the supermarkets are very useful both for people and economy and of course made our life much easier, everyone prefers to get basic items from the nearest small shop in the neighborhood with a friendly and familiar face. And that's the reason, although local shops can't compete with big supermarkets, they still can survive if they change their business plan tiny bit.

(275 words)
just_writer   
Oct 17, 2017
Writing Feedback / [IELTS] We lived in a world of technology these days. Opinion essay. [4]

Hello Jimmy879873,
Here are some possible corrections:

information is more significant (information is singular)
it raised concerns over the way of military
having a GPS system
lead to serious consequences
our entertainments are in a dangerous situation

and in my opinion, paragraph 3 was a little hard to follow, especially when you were writing about privacy matter.
just_writer   
Oct 16, 2017
Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2: Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug [6]

People in all modern societies use drugs, but today's youth are experimenting with both legal and illegal drugs, and at an increasingly early age. Some sociologists claim that parents and other members of society often set a bad example.

Discuss the causes and some effects of widespread drug use by young people in modern day society. Make any recommendations you feel are necessary to help fight youth drug abuse.

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.


drugs are everywhere



in today society, there are a lot of drugs, both legal and illegal, and the problem is that the starting age of using drugs is decreasing constantly, in this essay we will discuss the causes and effects of using drugs in younger generation.

In older times. people always used home remedies to cure their sicknesses, when i was younger, we rarely used drug for a simple headache, but nowadays, the first answer to any kind of health problem is a pain killer. it could be parents fault for drug abuse in home which could set bad example.

Another reason could be laws in different countries, there are some drugs that are legal in one country and illegal in another one. when people see that a drug is legal in one country, think to him/her self that it could not be dangerous at all.

From other side, the governments can help preventing use of drug, there must be a lot of advertisements and announcements which shows younger generation that it is a bad habit to use drugs and shows them the right path.

From my experience, in my own country, drugs are available everywhere, government must control it because if young people see drugs every day and watch people using it, they would not scare of it anymore and it becomes typical.

to recapitulate, using drugs is a bad habit of today's generation, they start using it when they are young, and ruin their future before they even have a chance to know wrong and right. I think the society must stay together and help each other to stop this bad habit.

Thanks in advanced.

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