/ LSE International Relations grad essay - correct
Being a 21st century
modern immigrant prepares one for crossing boundaries.
21st century is about as modern as it gets...
As the eldest son in my family, I have been helping and taking care of my two brothers from childhood. Our strongest tie is what fuels our family: <these seem to have no relation to eachother> sports and internationalism.
These sentences don't tie in very well. You should expand the thought a little, or leave it out. Actually, the rest of the first paragraph runs off in a different direction, so my advise is to complete the thought you started regarding your family ties, then start a new paragraph.
Due to my parents immigration to the US, I was raised in both Budapest and Boston. I attended two middle schools, graduated from two high schools and am graduating from two universities.
After you fix the first paragraph, the beginning of this one will undoubtedly have to change a little.
Being a dual-citizen of both EU and US, I have learned to be open and receptive towards cultural differences. Studying management and mandarin, my goal is to orient towards the Orient and bring the western business culture closer to China. LSE's international relations and global media programs
are academically and personallyfit perfectly with my goals, both academic and personal .
I really like this statement; it says a lot about you! One part, though, has me scratching my head..."Studying management and mandarin, my goal..."
This is important to say, but I think it could be said better. Maybe "Having studied...?"
You speak English, Mandarin, German, and Hungarian?! Criminy, that's impressive!
As anBeing?? Having been an active and energetic child, I have learned English and German, and I early on , played violin, piano and years of guitar, all while devoting most of my energy to sports. My athletic background provided the foundations of my versatility and perspective : . T he ascetic trainings and competitive spirit of competitions<change that...:) now transform into academic tenacity.
If you are going to say "as an energetic and active child
..." I think you should leave out "early on" - it seems redundant. This part needs a little more work. Can you re-organize it with the suggestions I gave? I don't really know your story well enough to say the correct things...
Good job so far! Re-work this first part, and I will help with the rest. Thanks in advance for helping others! You have a lot to give.
Psst> I will see if I can get another contributor or moderator to tag-team and also to answer your question about suggestions for schools...I think this would be great for any school - with minor changes to suit the intention, of course.Unless they charge a fee to try, I say go for all of them! :)