Unanswered [0] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by pcvrz34g
Joined: Sep 19, 2009
Last Post: Oct 30, 2016
Threads: 22
Posts: 117  


Displayed posts: 139 / page 1 of 4
sort: Latest first   Oldest first  | 
pcvrz34g   
Oct 30, 2016
Graduate / Law school SOP - Everyone has a story behind a dream, and my dream starts with a shredding machine. [2]

Everyone has a story behind a dream, and my dream starts with a shredding machine.

It was back in the summer of 2007. I've always wanted to be lawyer. If a reason need be provided, there was none. After all, everyone at the age of 17 want to be something without knowing why, perhaps due to lack of knowledge of the world or perhaps of oneself. I was no exception; I just simply wanted to be a lawyer, and that was that.

My father once sat me down and asked me why I wanted to be a lawyer, a question to which I had no answer to but wanted to know myself as well. It was then that I decided to find the reason that I wanted to be a lawyer, or not to be if that turned out to be the case. With that question and a need to answer at hand, I found myself at the reception desk of a law firm in the local. Kim&Woo, LLC. it was called.

Being young is gold because when you are too young to know the world, you lack knowledge to even comprehend fear. I needed neither a script nor preparation; I just simply marched in and stated, not asked, that I would like an internship. In retrospection, their rejection should not have been so surprising, but at the time, I was in awe. No, they said, I was not qualified for an internship as a high school student. I rejected their rejection, and thrice more, I went. "Let me serve you coffee, let me make you copies, or let me even just sit there and watch you work." With every knocking on a closed door, it opened, but little did I know that I was knocking on a door bigger than my vision then held.

The lawyers knew not what to do with me, and I felt it. I knew they looked at me like a clueless child, not knowing what to do with it, unsure how to handle it. They eventually decided it would be worth their time for me to serve as their shredder. So there I sat, from 9 to 6, feeding a hungry machine.

You'd be surprised of the lengths human emotions can take you. Sitting in the corner of a busy lawyer office, on a mundane, black plastic chair, I was battling a shredding machine in jealousy. Each paper that I slipped through its thin slit, I wanted to digest the words, the content, the diction as it so easily did. I wanted to know what this thing was that I was feeding and to store in my knowledge before it destroyed to strips before my eyes. I read, but I was not reading; it was written in English, but it was not English. The frustration tore me to pieces together with the paper, and as the shredding machine overflew, fat and full with paper dotted with black ink, a growing hunger gnawed inside me. And it was then that I felt my genuine desire to want to know so badly that I needed to know it.

As days went by, I felt at home there: the serious atmosphere tossed with intermittent jokes; the freshly brewed coffee aroma that never found its way to escape; the mountains of paper plastered with sticky notes and flimsy plastic tabs that served as great oversized coffee mug saucers; the shelves stocked with books so thick it makes you wonder if someone even had the courage to open them.

That summer was a pivotal turn in my journey, a spark that pushed me running full-speed, high-power to stand where I am today. But chasing dream wasn't always easy; my perfectly organized plans fell through when my family was abruptly notified to leave the United States due to legal complications. Having had no intentions of living in Korea, I had absolutely no Korean value in me and knew no Korean language. Nevertheless, circumstances demanded that I learn to understand, absorb, and live a new life in a new world. I doubted time and time again if law school is truly my calling, and my given situation seemed to always point no. In moments of doubt, however, I was always reminded of the hunger for knowledge that I felt with a shredder before me and my craving returned in multiple folds.

It feels unreal to be here. It is a moment for me to recognize that I have kept true to my dreams and that I have fought my way through in times of uphill battles to finally give myself a chance to be and to do what I have been waiting to do for years. I remember Mr. Kim suggested half-jokingly (or perhaps he really meant it) that I not go to law school for all its rough rides, but the years have told me that better an oops than a what-if. I have chosen to take a run on the wild side, and for that, Mr. Kim, I cannot thank you enough.

I have never changed; I am here, as I always have been, now as a 24 year old but with that same heart of a 17 year old, knocking on the same door I had at the reception desk at Kim&Woo, too young to accept failure, too naďve to fear rejection, and too hungry to know.
pcvrz34g   
Oct 24, 2016
Graduate / Letter format essay for law school [2]

I just have a question in regards to my law school app essay.

I interned at a law firm back when I was in high school six years ago, and I've really lived out my dream and I'm finally applying for law school. I was thinking about making my app essay into a letter format directed to the lawyer I used to work with, coming back six years later to tell him i made it this far and how i have came along the way for the past six years along with how my intern was a spark for me... do you think thats too risky? is it better to stay in essay format?
pcvrz34g   
Aug 10, 2014
Undergraduate / 'July 1999 I moved to America' - My immigration story; academic and career plans. [2]

Describe your academic and career plans and any special interests (for example, scientific research) that you are eager to pursue as an undergraduate at Indiana University. Also, share any unusual circumstances, challenges, or obstacles you have encountered in pursuit of your education and how you overcame them. (200-400 words)

July 1999. I moved to America on my seventh birthday and glistened to my birthday song in a shabby apartment with only a full size mattress my parents found in the dumpster earlier that afternoon. As an adventurous seven year old, I smiled on my birthday as I would have on any other birthdays. But as I look back years later, I wonder if my parents smiled as wide as I did. My educated mother worked as a janitor and my barely English-literate father studied to receive his acupuncture license. My parents have come a long way only for one purpose and that purpose is me.

Since, my aspirations have always been directly related to the gratitude and respect I have to my parents. Throughout my high school career, I served as the student committee secretary of Atlanta Korean American Youth Center, a non-profit organization that aims to mentor Korean American students in a positive directly through academia, sports, and various programs. Having walked the path of being an immigrant, starting from the bottom and reaching for the top, I wanted to serve as a model for students who were undergoing the same situation and the hardships that inevitably follow hand-in-hand, striving as a model through excellence in school work and my involvement with extracurricular activities and prestigious internships.

November 2010. Upon high school graduation, my parents encountered legal complications which resulted in an unintended expiration of our visa. We were forced to leave the States in a matter of six months, and I had no choice but to withdraw from all the universities I had persistently and diligently pushed myself for years to be accepted into. However shocking and tragic this news was to me, I took it as an opportunity to return to my motherland which I had long forgotten its culture and language, and to my surprise, the journey has been simply amazing.

The place I have truly experienced the meaning of accomplishment was here in Korea. I began with baby steps at square 1, re-learning the language, attempting to absorb and replicate the Korean ways of living, and rebuilding relationships of which I began with none. Today, I am a college student at one of the most prestigious universities in Korea, impeccably bilingual with immaculate pronunciation with ability to associate within two very contrasting social atmosphere.

What began as a personal adversity became a scholastic challenge, and it is one that I have found after fighting through the waves that have come crashing at me. I intend to return to the United States and complete my undergraduate studies in Public Policy at XXXXXXXXX Business School after which I endeavor to attend Law School. Upon my completion of education, I aspire to return to my motherland, serving as a legal bridge between Korea and the States in this ever-growing globalized world, applying not only my education but also my ability to make a difference in the business world.

It is the classic and redundant story of most of the 35.2 million immigrants living in America, but it is the most significant and defining story for me. Significant and Defining because it is that that has awakened me to realize the endless limit I have before me.
pcvrz34g   
Sep 6, 2012
Undergraduate / having hard time picking between two college app essays... [2]

i wrote two essays for college app (no prompt) but i don't know which one is better..
please pick the better one and let me know how i can fix it...
i really want this to be as perfect as possible..

THE FIRST ONE

'South Korean students disciplined following after-school fight," read the headline on the Atlanta Journal Constitution newspaper. The bitterness of rivalries between ABCs (American Born Corean) and FOBs (Fresh Off the Boat, implying Korean-born Korean Americans) had been apparent ever since the first wave of FOB influx in 2006. With each clique extremely critical of the other, fists fights with police involvements became a routine; the article was just another of many. How ridiculous is it, I thought, that racism within the Korean ethnic group somehow was more widespread than those from outside the Korean ethnicity? If Koreans can't respect people of same heritage and culture, how then could we expect non-Koreans to respect us?

Pushing back the chair, I stood, summoning twelve pairs of eyes of the most prominent Korean men within the Atlanta Korean community, all dressed in suits and in stern frowns. "I would like to present a proposal to the board of Atlanta Korean American Youth Center as the president of the student executive committee." Ears perked; eyes widened. "It is vital that we address the racial issue between ABCs and FOBs. It is a matter beyond the violence that humiliates and imperils the Korean community as a whole. It questions the value of heritage, unity under culture, and pride in ethnicity." A few heads nodded. "And the proposal?" the President requested, his eyebrows raised. "The proposal is a response to the hopes I see of unification. What lacks is a catalyst, an opportunity for both parties to mingle in one location under a shared interest, a party." The silence broke; the frowners now chuckled. "A party?" One jeered. "Yes, a party. The entertaining ambience will attract Korean-American high school students of both groups. It will be an imitation of Prom: the grand hall, the DJ, the disco balls and party lights, the dresses and tuxes," I stood my ground. "And your estimated number of participants, Ms. Lee?" the President asked genuinely. My stomach dropped. I feared a low turnout; students might even deem the entire event itself stupid; it may have only a minor affect on the racial issue, if any. Concealing the doubt I shared with the audience, I persuaded firmly "A hundred students. We miss 100% of the shots we don't take."

Instead, we took the shot and made a hit far better than anticipated. There was a turnout of over 350 students; it won its place in the project agenda as a permanent biannual event due to high popularity and demand; violence within Korean community significantly swindled. With this, even greater results followed: the articles became a rarity, and the Korean minority race gained stronger voice within the international community. Altogether, it resurrected the meaning of a community, mending our weakness and rebuilding our strength, cohered by the same native heritage towards a defined identification of Korean Americans. But beyond the direct repercussions, it was proof that when self-confidence is met with perseverance to stand against the unconventional, impossible is made possible.

THE SECOND ONE

My mother has always told me "벌새가 되야한다 (Be a hummingbird)." When a wildfire once broke out, all creatures fled away from the fire, all but one - the hummingbird. All animals stopped to laugh at the absurdity of her efforts as they watched her fetch few drops of water in her tiny peak, pour the water out of her beak onto the flames, and repeat the process, despite her fears. The hummingbird replied: "My beak may be small. I may not be able to put out this fire alone. But I'm doing the best that I am capable of."

Across the Mississippi River and into the Ninth Ward, we passed the street covered with rotting paint, shattered glass, and weeds. A desperate view. The twelve of us rode past the outskirts that we knew held a story of an enduring past. As a Hurricane Katrina high school rescue team, we had been selected from across the nation by the Habitat for Humanity organization and were granted full scholarship for a mission to build three houses in New Orleans, Louisiana. But something more disturbing than the damage itself rendered me into the state of shock - the slashed "X's", or perhaps the numbers scribbled on abandoned houses. On one apartment complex, I saw a large "X" and a circled "15" which respectively meant Death and the number of corpses found.

As our van drove away, I looked back at the evidence of the fragility of life fading in the distance, laying there by the displacement of black spray paint - life determined by sprayed markings and real people tallied up to become dry numbers - numbers that could have been me, my parents, or anyone. The black streaks, clouded like the future may be, revealed the brevity and vulnerability of my existence. The car was dead silent, but the extremities of my existence screamed the realness of my life, the final breath, that could potentially be stripped away. The perspective of my life for seventeen years changed within that moment. The paint marked my heart forever as a constant reminder for the people who I continue to serve, past or present.

Seven days it might have been, but immeasurably did we grow together and eternal our friendships had become. The tangibility of our kinship was unbelievable, but even more was our job to be done that week. We built a house to resurrect the meaning of a home. We hammered the nails of support and raised the roofs of stability. What might have just seemed like an altruistic duty became a willing obligation when we were one with a community.

While my beak may be small to make a significant difference, my example may influence others to follow through ripple and broadening effect to ultimately make a world's difference. Along with my now faded Habitat for Humanity t-shirt, this experience amplifies the call of need. As long as the call echoes, I - a hummingbird - will persistently respond.
pcvrz34g   
Jul 27, 2012
Undergraduate / 'My previous ventures and achievements' - why business major [2]

To ask 'how do you know what major to study?' is like asking 'how do you know which one to marry?' You just know, and sometimes, it can be as simple as that and that's all you need. My interest in the field of business wasn't some thought-out process that eventually led me to an epiphany that this path was the direction to my life. It was more like I just knew, similar to how I know I hate watermelons but love figs. My natural curiosity towards business-related areas, however, have led me to experiences that have confirmed my desire to study and commit my plans for career to this field.

Jotting my name on the Future Business Leaders of America Phi Beta Lambda member recruitment list on club fair day as an entering freshman in high school turned out to be one of the best choices I've made in my high school career. My dedication for the club exponentially grew as I became more involved and was reflected when I was elected the historian, the secretary, and the vice president during my sophomore, junior, and senior years respectively. FBLA-PBL is a national premier business education association consisting of a quarter million high school and middle school students, college and university students, faculty, educators, administrators, and business professionals to prepare for careers in business. Being Georgia's largest high school club with over 300 students, Northview High School's FBLA-PBL, however, is more than just a simple club; it serves to create paths in which students can immerse themselves in the business world by offering internships at local financial management groups, inviting guest speakers of different business areas, and best of all, participating in business competitions held state and nation wide with over sixty different areas of competitions. I took this opportunity to compensate for my lack of business courses in high school by studying independently through FBLA competition preparations in the areas of Business Math; Computer Applications; Management Decision Marketing; and Business Calculations & Business Math. Competing against students who were specially placed on business track, selecting courses only related to business, was tough, but my personal endeavors was rewarded with a first place in the first three categories and second place in the latter. This was only the beginning to my introduction to the field of business; my ever-increasing scope and interest through my accomplishments opened another door of opportunity.

In the summer of 2009, I took a deeper dive into the business realm. I was introduced to a prestigious all-expense paid CNN experience program in which over 1,000 applicants from the Southern region of America applied and were interviewed to be one of the selected 100 students to spend a week at Georgia Tech, attending marketing and business management seminars, communication workshops, and dinner formals with CNN executives, directors, producers, and anchors. At the end of the week, CNN selected five from the 100 students to intern in five different departments of CNN. I was selected to intern under the Digital Marketing and On-Air Promotion Department under Mr. Scot Safon, the Chief Marketing Officer and Executive Vice President of CNN Worldwide. The opportunity to study the complex marketing techniques utilized by CNN to air a headline story on television with greater viewing feedback was fascinating. I conducted viewer response calculations and attended strategic planning meetings to tactically select and design appropriate stories, headline titles, commercials, and print billboard advertisements. Selected as one of the five Asian minorities, I had a valuable glimpse at the business composition and structure in the function of hierarchy, priority, and technicality of the American business system in the area of communication broadcast system.

My past experiences, although minor, have provided certainty that my greatest interest lies in the field of business, and I am sure my inclination will self-motivate me to excel in this area. I know my previous ventures and achievements have brought me a step closer to becoming a real future business leader of America. I also know that this is only the beginning of my journey that I will continue to climb to, one day, become not only a business leader of America but also of Korea. I will only continue to achieve the best and not settle for mediocrity, especially with the educational support I anticipate to receive from Seoul National University to further my experiences and prepare me for the global business world.
pcvrz34g   
Jul 26, 2012
Undergraduate / I am a hummingbird [NEW]

My mother has always told me "벌새가 되야한다 (You must be a hummingbird)." She told me a story since a young child about a hummingbird who lived in a forest where there once broke out a large forest fire. All creatures, large and small, ran, galloped, slithered, swam, and hopped in the opposite direction to flee from the fire, all but one - the hummingbird. She fluttered in a different direction from all others towards the river where she , with her tiny beak, fetched few drops of water, and quickly headed towards the fire, despite her fears. All others stopped in surprise as they watched her pour the water out of her beak onto the flames and repeat the process. They all laughed at the silliness of her efforts, discussing the absurdity of her purpose. However, the hummingbird replied: "My beak may be small. I may not be able to put out this fire alone. But I'm doing the best that I am capable of."

Watching the news rolled up in the corner of my sofa, I watched innocent lives being vanished off the face of the Earth in the waves of Hurricane Katrina on August 26, 2005. More than 1,836 people died and property damage was estimated at $81 billion. People had not only lost their belongings but their home, their families, their future. Four years later, no one seemed to even remember that there was such an event; life moved on for all but those affected. For them, time had stopped on the 26th of August. It was, then, that I finally took a dive to directly help families in New Orleans who have been left behind.

I didn't know what to expect when I landed in Louisiana. I knew to expect the discomforts of humidity, but otherwise I did not feel completely prepared to experience first-hand the grief and destruction that has already successfully broken far too many hearts. My concerns didn't end with mental preparation; I have participated in the Atlanta 6K Marathon and the colorguard varsity 8-hour practices under the scortching sun, but never had I used a hammer in my life. With hesitation, I convinced myself, "It can't be too hard to build three houses! A few walls with some windows here and there in between. A front door perhaps." I met the other students, all around my age, here for the same purpose with the same curiosity and fear. We had all been selected by Habitat for Humanity from across the United States, twelve in all, to receive full scholarship to together complete a mission to build three houses. Our first destination was downtown New Orleans. There was no hammering, measuring, caulking, and painting, none of that yet, but with appreciative smiles, the locals gratefully thanked us, recognizing us by our blue shirts that made our purpose of our stay obvious. It meant more than an average thank you, and we haven't even begun to help them yet. In the backseat of our van, the twelve of us became close friends as we sang and danced in unison to the radio being blasted with the windows down. The start of the trip was almost like a vacation, an overnight camp without the parental supervision.

In the afternoon heat, we saw the unfinished work. Allison, the driver, turned to Teresa and Ryan and asked, "Should we show them?" They nodded rather hesitantly, and the twelve of us became tense. Allison pushed the radio knob off. We all knew it was time to stop the failed attempts to perfect the harmonies of Vanessa Carlton's "A Thousand Miles." Across the Mississippi River and into the Ninth Ward, we passed the street covered with rotting paint, shattered glass, and weeds. The twelve of us rode past the outskirts that we knew held a story of enduring past. The remnants of the hurricane and death still lived on after four years. The wooden boards covered what used to be the window watched, a door entered, and a garage closed. I remained in shock for something more terrible than the damage left. The slashed "O's" and "X's" haunted me, or perhaps it was the numbers. The "O's" represented a clear. On one apartment complex, I saw a large "X", and a circled "15" which respectively meant Death and the number of corpses found. The fragility of life, easily shown, lay there by the displacement of black spray paint. Green light: we moved on and I looked back to see life determined by sprayed markings and real people tallied up to become merely numbers; the number in which could have been the twelve of us plus my family members. My sudden awareness was like a settlement of particles in murky water turned clear. The black markings, clouded like the future may be, revealed the brevity and vulnerability of my existence. The car was dead silent, but the extremities of my existence screamed the realness of my life, the final breath, that could potentially be stripped away. The perspective of my life for seventeen and a half years changed within that moment. The paint marked my heart forever as a constant reminder for the people who I continue to serve, past or present.

Seven days it might have been, but immeasurably did we grow together and eternal our friendships would become. The tangibility of our kinships was unbelievable, but even more was our job to be done that week. We did not build the typical science project to temporarily submit, grade, and toss. We built a house to resurrect the meaning of a home. We hammered the nails of support; we climbed the ladders for a roof needed to be rebuilt, and we listened to the stories of our prospects, like Joy who after Katrina had only the items in her car and her daughter left. What might have just seemed like an altruistic duty became a willing obligation when we were one with a community. Alex, Lauren, Natalia, and I looked at each other. By the end of the week, we understood our lifelong mission without needing a word.

Along with my now faded habitat for Humanity t-shirt, this experience amplifies the call of need. As long as the call echoes, regardless of how small my beak may be, I - an individual learner, a believer, a hummingbird - will persistently respond.
pcvrz34g   
Jul 24, 2012
Undergraduate / Study plan for SNU. business school to continue on to law-mba duel program [2]

Topic: 5. Please explain in some detail your purpose in studying at Seoul National University and your plans for study. Be as specific as you can regarding your academic interests and the curriculum you expect to follow in achieving your goals.

Just fifty years ago, Korea was nicknamed the "bottomless pit' by the USAID (US government aid agency) and was categorized as one of the poorest countries in the world with the average Korean citizen earning $82 yearly in 1961, less than half the yearly income an average citizen earns today from the poverty-strick country of Ghana. What would your reaction have been had you been told that Ghana would become one of the top globalized countries in 50 years as the world's leading exporters of mobile phones, semiconductors, and computers? Korea has done exactly that; it has transformed from rags to riches exponentially, multiplying its per capita income over duodecuple times. It took the UK over two centuries, the US, one and a half century, to obtain the same result. This miraculous revolution was channeled with a thorough strategic version of the free market system under neo-liberal economics that encouraged low inflation, free trade, private enterprise, small government, and incorporation of foreign investments. It is by no surprise, then, that South Koreans stand proud of their country today, united by the history that has shed too many tears and blood to reach their current status, but the development does not end here and the world has yet to see the apex of Korea's global power. Korea is still on the rise as it has only recently entered this game field of global commerce. In the midst of this action-packed developmental stage of Korea, I became intrigued by the potential and bright future prospects of Korea. Raised in America for a majority of my life, I have been culturally and socially immersed by the American traditions. Only after I entered high school did I begin to rediscover the fascination and beauty of my homecountry, and became naturally engrossed in the political influence, especially those under President Park Chung-Hee, on the national economic growth and business industries and enterprises to initiate trade and economic advancements. I began to read documentaries on Korean economic development and the distinct political and economic strategies taken to juxtapose them with that of current third world countries in process to achieve a similar product. Through researches, I came to acknowledge that, with the rapid progression of globalization, international laws that govern global commerce and trade would inevitably become an essential foundation in economical advancement of any and all countries. My interest has initiated my desire to attend business school at Seoul National University and then to continue my education in America through the law-mba duel programs offered in several prestigious colleges. What Korea needs (and will soon require) are graduates who are culturally, academically, and socially adapted to not only the Korean business realm but also that of America in both the field of international law and business. Korea has experienced great success, but it would be a mistake to overlook that Korea is still relatively a new to the power gang where other members are experienced and well familiar with the rules. America still holds the crown to this control of global powers, and it is vital to understand in details the American international law and business in order to successfully execute global commercial decisions with strategic international business negotiator with the foundation of international law to eventually climb higher steps. I expect to become this contribution to the ever-growing success of my mothercountry and to serve as an asset to further immerse Korea in the globalization as one of the top world leaders through legal and commercial means. As the most recognized Korean university around the world, Seoul National University would open many doors of opportunity to convert my dreams into reality. Many of the SNU alumni serve in government positions and such network would provide better insight into the world of Korean political conditions and systems. In addition, SNU business classes are taught by professors who have studied abroad in America and would be able to provide personal experiences and advices to further my knowledge in my specific interest. To express the depth of my interest in this field, I am scheduled to travel to South Africa in November of 2012 for a four-month internship for a hands-on experience in the field of democracy advocacy in the South African government and assisting in governmental agencies in the human rights department. I will be designing a portfolio during my internship and would be delighted to present my findings and legal research upon request. I am certain that I am both mentally and academically ready to be academically challenged at the SNU Business School that would not only provide one of the world's best educations but would also carve paths for me to be exposed to the Korean cultural and social traditions that are vital in the business world.
pcvrz34g   
May 25, 2011
Undergraduate / every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end [4]

If you were to ask when my life had its turning point, its climax, its pinnacle, and perhaps, its miracle, I'd pinpoint to November 2, 2010 at approximately 11pm on the campus of the University of Georgia in room 211 of the Honors Myers Dormitory. I was with a group of my closest friends, some of whom I had been friends with since sixth grade and some of whom I had just met only four months ago when I first entered college as that cliché image of a lost freshman soul: mispronouncing the ridiculously long building names, accidently walking into a senior classes due to a sudden classroom change schedule that was notified through email which was constantly jammed with too many users, and getting kicked out of freshman chemistry lecture hall for texting my fraternity brothers that I arrived class just in time. But that day, at that time, at that place, it all ended. The Honors Myers Dormitory room 211, the best friends, the mouthful building names, the senior glares, and the 300 eyes that laid heavily on me as I shamefully exited the lecture hall was all over.

11pm, I looked at the caller-ID of my ringing phone only to find that it was my mom on the other line. I muted the phone and promised myself I'd call her back tomorrow morning before my 7am aerobics dance class. Just as I was readjusting my focus to my friend's exaggerated anecdote about a boy she met at the cafeteria the other day, my phone rang again. A text message that read: "Julia, it's urgent. Call me now. Mom." My mom, being the goddess of technically difficulties, has never texted before in my life; I never even knew she could operate the text messaging application on her phone. Realizing the urgency of the situation, I stepped out of the room only to return an hour later, filling the gap of the asymmetrical circle of my friends, notifying my scheduled flight to Korea in the next two weeks.

Abruptly sweeping me away from America and spewing me out into pieces onto Korea due to my parents' legal issues was bad enough. November 16, 2010, I should have surprised my boyfriend with a cake in one hand and a present in the other while singing the birthday song just as I had planned, but I found myself hugging him for the last time at the Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta Airport. My mind was restless on the fourteen-hour flight; I simply couldn't believe this was all happening. In two weeks, I transformed from the infamous girl who was called out in front of 300 freshmen to a college drop-out who had undergone withdrawal hardship process due to emergency leave.

I landed in Korea, the country that felt so unfamiliar and yet was called my homeland. I was a thousand miles away from the lifestyle that I had pictured myself living as a nineteen-year-old and was left with nothing but a box of personal belongings in a country that I knew not of but only its language. My parents had assured me that if I made the best out of this opportunity to come to my homeland, I'd gain a well-rounded perspective on cultural values while exploring my true identity as a Korean, both of which I found to be less promising over time. As I adjusted my American lifestyle to that of Korean, I found myself too disconnected from America to have the privilege to call myself a true American and yet too foreign with Korea to refer myself as a Korean.

While it's true that I initially drenched myself in self-pity and hopelessness upon my arrival to Korea, I revived myself by promising to discover a way to utilize this aperture in my life for a meaningful purpose. As an English speaker, I applied for English teaching jobs all over Korea and decided to allocate this hiatus in my life to chase my ultimate dream: to go to law school. Within a week, I became an English teacher at English Village Camp, a language immersion education institution, during the day and an LSAT student during the evening. My work-study lifestyle was not an easy one; self-studying required a stronger self-control that I had expected and I was to do this for months with no other motivation but my own will and passion. In February 2011, I took the LSAT Exam and received a score of ???.

What I had initially thought was going to drain away the dream that I had been planning since the beginning of my high school career turned out to be what ignited my dream to become reality. By make-doing the best with the situation before me, I had the special opportunity to complete the LSAT Exam even before the fulfillment of my freshman year. I know I've truly blossomed through whatever challenges came my way for the past nineteen years, and I also know that this is only the beginning of my blossoming. It is difficult for me to explain to you how much I've flourished through the thorns and rocks and to persuade you that I will only continue to achieve the best and not settle for the mediocrity, especially after all that I have battled through to get thus far, so please, hear me out. It may be a classic and redundant story for many of the 35.2 million immigrants who have moved to and fro between their homeland and America, but it is the most significant and defining story for me. Significant and defining because it is that that has awakened me to realize the endless limit I have before me and has allowed me to witness the power of passion that can reach beyond where most people draw their threshold boundary.At the end of the road, it doesn't matter about how much we were given but rather how we lived with what we were given. If I strive to succeed, I will succeed regardless of what I have, where I am, and what obstacles come along my way. After all, every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end, and when I look back today, and perhaps November 2, 2010 had not only been a day of an end but also a day of a new beginning to what will eventually mold me into the lawyer that I one day hope to be.

this essay is kinda super long... lol...
any corrections/suggestions/comments??
pleaseee?
pcvrz34g   
May 24, 2011
Undergraduate / My mother had a big influence on my life since I was born - an important person! [3]

When I was young I was frequently falling ill and mom had many sleepless nights taking care of me.

When I was young, I frequently fell ill, and my mom...

When I think about my mother it comes to my mind the memories of the city's park, where she took me every weekend to play and to watch the animals and the memories of the beautiful beach of Sousse with its magical sand. We went there to swim and to build sand castles.

When I think about my mother, the memories of the city's park where she took me every weekend to play and to watch the animals comes into my mind. The visual memories of the beautiful beach of Sousse where we'd swim with its magical sand with which we build sand castles are still left in me. or something like that.
pcvrz34g   
Jan 29, 2011
Undergraduate / MECA "Draw Yourself in Writing" [5]

Great diction and imagery.
What is the essay topic? I feel like there was really no point or moral behind the essay...
It was GREAT, but it was just one big descriptive imagery..
pcvrz34g   
Aug 24, 2010
Book Reports / Baldwin's "Notes of a Native" - reflective paper about racial injustice [2]

Notes of a Native is an essay written by James Baldwin not to discuss and complain about the prejudice that lies between races but to explore the underlying problem of this racial injustice and then to discover a solution that would enable him to reconcile internally within himself rather than externally with the society. The essay is an account of a transformation- a rebirth within the midst of political chaos. This 'death and birth' motif serves as a foundational analogy to depict the death of his previously belligerent self and the rebirth of an understanding and accepting 'Christian.'

In the opening of Part One, James Baldwin is in complete disagreement with his father. This disparity of their opinions on racial prejudice is great enough for Baldwin to be almost unsympathetic for the death of his father. Baldwin cannot relate to his father's ideologies and regards his father mentally instable, a condition that others would later assume of Baldwin himself. The function of Part One is to illustrate Baldwin's personal experience to finally understand the existence of the racial prejudice that his father had been trying to explain. It is the beginning step of his transformation: acceptance of the racial decimation existence. Upon such realization, he compulsively reacts violently, throwing a glass of water at the waitress, and actions as these ignite the transformation that he fully undergoes in Part Three. Part Two serves as a transitional body in which he makes observations of the people around him and introduces his father's transformation from life to death. His father's death carries on to Part Three, symbolizing the legacy of his father to Baldwin at the finale. Part Three stands to expose his self-realization. He realizes that this storm of anger and hatred that he had developed within himself throughout this discovery is very comparable to his father's characteristics that he had so long disliked. His ability to finally appreciate his father's ideology and distinguish the impracticality of his father's seemingly-odd behaviors yet understand the source of such behaviors develops him into someone new. Just as his baby sister was born immediately after the death of his father in physical terms, Baldwin experiences the death of his sense of anger, revenge, and hatred and the rebirth of a Christian exemplified by the teacher in Part One - understanding the situation and refreshing the mind and heart for others.

I can somewhat relate to the anecdote of Baldwin through my past experiences regarding racial prejudice. The seven years-old I never truly understood my father when he said, "Blood is thicker than water." Elementary school was full of nothing but innocence and fun. We were too busy chasing each other on playgrounds; it didn't matter if a player was of a different skin color. But as each of us matured into middle school, the groups we began to chase after began to classify into racial colors. It was such a subtle and gradual process that occurred only naturally. I've only learned to cope with it by accepting the situation but learning to burst out of that racial barrier, constantly making efforts to not only understand but also experience other cultures and customs by befriending friends of other colors. If I were in such a position where prejudice was much more direct and violent like that of Baldwin, I would be enraged and torn between what I had thought when opposing against my father and what I have come to realize through my own personal experiences. This realization would enrage me and the society's chaos would tempt me to join the violent responses. However, I hope I would soon come to realize, as Baldwin had, that violence is not only ineffective but also destructive. It is heavily disappointing for me especially as a minority that racial prejudice still thrives although not as extreme as it has been. But as disappointing as it may be, Baldwin is right: we should simply accept the situation, swallow our pride and anger, and advocate for justice through a peaceful, understanding, and humane approach.
pcvrz34g   
Jun 25, 2010
Scholarship / A chance to blossom! "Why do you deserve this scholarship?" [2]

I haven't really sat and re-read over every little thing, but I think I stared at the essay too long to really pin-point the bad things. Help me out!

Prompt is "why do you deserve this scholarship?"

I know I've truly blossomed through whatever challenges came my way for the past eighteen years. I also know that this is only the beginning of my blossoming stage as I will continue to take day by day to the end of my journey that, I hope, one day will successfully produce a beautiful flower, one that will live on past my breaths to inspire the many flowers that will come after me. It's difficult for me to explain to you how much I've flourished through the thorns and rocks and to persuade you that I will only continue to achieve the best and not settle for the mediocrity, especially with the financial support I anticipate to receive, but please, hear me out.

It is the classic and redundant story of most of the 35.2 million immigrants living in America, but it is the most significant and defining story for me. Significant and Defining because it is that that has awakened me to realize the endless limit I have before me. July 1999. I moved to America on my seventh birthday and glistened to my birthday song in a shabby apartment with only a full size mattress my parents found in the dumpster earlier that afternoon. Frankly, I didn't mind; life was one big adventure at the age of seven and so, I smiled on my birthday as I would have on any other birthdays. But as I look back eleven years later, I wonder if my parents smiled as wide as I did. My educated mother worked as a janitor and my barely English-literate father studied to receive his acupuncture license all while we were low on income and were chasing after ants that infested our floors. My parents have come a long way only for one purpose and that purpose is me.

Living in America where opportunities are bountiful made me realize that with my passion to succeed, I could pass all boundaries and become who I dreamt I would be yesterday. In pursing this "American Dream," I discovered my previously dormant passion for law and a desire to explore the rules by which we distinguish our behaviors while interning at Kim&Woo, LLC. During my three-month internship, I was inspired not to attend law school on a mission, but to appreciate the existence of law as a tool of opportunity to contribute as we build our future. I am determined to redefine law to others not as means of attack but to reveal the remarkable beauty and function of law that is to strengthen the infrastructure on what United States uplifts its name on together in unity of individuals.

A year later, when CNN took me in as a student intern, I realized my passion for law wasn't enough to settle as my career path. I noticed that I extremely enjoy public speaking and am an extrovert, feeling more rewarded when working with others rather than individually. I saw the business setting and structure of CNN very fit for my personality that function in hierarchy, priority, and technicality in system. In the midst of the introduction to the business world, I began to shadow under my father as a acupuncture assistant and realized my fascination for science. The laws of nature of physics, biology, anatomy, astrology, and other sciences by which we inevitably live by, unlike the legal law that we continuously reshape, proved how systematic our life is embedded into this biome of world. I redirected my passion from one of a singular interest to another composed of all my passions conglomerated together. I discovered my career path in which I will major in biology and attend law school to finally becoming a patent lawyer for medical and electronic market goods.

Although I finally found a career path that consists of all my deepest interest and that is very fitting to my personality and characteristic through hands-on internships, my dream may be hindered due to my family's financial status. My family does not have United States citizenship and is here in America as temporary residents. Although my family applied to receive a permanent resident card, as a temporary resident, I do not receive the Georgia Hope Scholarship and do not qualify for many available scholarships offered to many students even with my 4.0 GPA and my many other academic and musical achievements. My parents have had difficulty paying $15,000, a full tuition amount for in-state students, for older sister who currently attends college. This year, I will be joining my sister in college, and I worry my parents will not be able to pay the tuition for both me and my sister every semester. Temporary resident students are rarely granted opportunity for student loans and I do not anticipating applying for the work-study program because I would like to allocate all my time to educational matters in effort to become the patent lawyer I've always dreamed of becoming. I hope you would recognize my characteristics and potentials and would give me a chance to have an opportunity to reach for my dreams. Your valuable scholarship would enable me to pursue my study wholeheartedly and to continue blossoming through the many priceless education and experiences to come.
pcvrz34g   
Dec 29, 2009
Scholarship / scholarship: saving poverty housing [8]

akshay! you're SO right! how did i never see that?!?!? thank you!

yuanchi, thanks for pointing out my grammatical errors. thanks thanks (:
pcvrz34g   
Dec 29, 2009
Scholarship / scholarship: saving poverty housing [8]

choose the community service activity that is most meaningful to you and describe how you and your community benefited from your involvement:

Rolled up in the corner of the sofa, I watched innocent lives vanish off the face of the Earth in the waves of Hurricane Katrina on August 26, 2005. Four years later, I finally took a dive to directly help families in New Orleans with an all-expense paid scholarship to build houses for underprivileged families. In Louisiana, I, with nine other students, were given a mission to build three houses with nothing but screws, nails, wood, cement, paint, and the like. We completed everything from grading and site preparation to truss construction and painting. We spent our break time at Habitat ReStore that sells new or used items from clothes and furniture to kitchen tiles and dishes, sorting incoming items and working as cashiers. My sweat paid off when I helped the three thankful families move into their new houses. Building houses had initially sounded impossible; I had never built anything before and had never even hammered a nail on a block of wood. Yet, my passion to end poverty housing in New Orleans allowed my amateur hands to build three houses. It was exhilarating to witness and to soak in this idea that passion can take me anywhere whether it is persuading my parents for permission to travel to New Orleans or building three houses out of scratch. Upon my return to home, I spoke at Habitat for Humanity meetings and service organizations, sharing my experience and the importance of ending poverty housing and responding to natural disasters.

pretty short and straight to the point. any grammatical errors or anything i should extend on?
pcvrz34g   
Dec 29, 2009
Scholarship / Gates Scholarship-An Unfair Experience [7]

you should add what you learned from it or any reflections you made based on this personal experience. the story itself isn't going to get you the scholarship. =P
pcvrz34g   
Dec 28, 2009
Scholarship / Scholarship: inspiration from faure [3]

Describe how a work of art, music, dance, theater, literature, or a person has inspired you.

Conductor Cedel of University of Georgia dragged out a stereo from the storage room. "Listen to Faure's second movement 'La Fileus' from the orchestral suite 'Pelléas et Melisande.' 'La Fileuse' means 'spinner girl' and was written in respect to Faure's teacher Saint-Saens and his symphonic piece 'The Spinning-Wheel of the Omphale.' Listen and we'll discuss." The piece began. In the midst of soft circling movements of the spinning-wheel demonstrated through triple scheme repetitions by the strings, the woodwinds presented a melancholic melody. Later the strings sporadically joined only momentarily for a drawn-out, lethargic effect. The thematic imitations point to an aesthetic workmanship. Faure's "La Fileuse" is a demonstration of not only a spinning wheel but also of life. Never before had I thought music could depict life so vividly until I met Faure through his work of music. The majority of "La Fileuse" is of the triple scheme, mimicking the running spinning wheel and the busy work of the girl. Yet, intermittently, the girl stops to take a stretch as the melody is suddenly stretched like a rubber band, remaining soft but ever so languid.

This epiphany made me reconsider classical music as something that is much like a book; it carries a story, a world, and sometimes, even a moral. The necessity of the listener's will to imagine beyond black dots and stems on lined paper makes music greater in depth. I've learned to not only like music for its melody but also to appreciate music for what each has to offer. Eerie and dark melodies tend to never be on one's favorites list, but nevertheless, such pieces are recognized for its ability to make us feel frighten and develop goosebumps. Music is not about the sounds we hear but rather the imaginations it convenes in its full effect.
pcvrz34g   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / "'curious and open' - Why Emory [4]

should I add some specific and solid examples which make the entire essay more coherent?

My sister was accepted to Emory. For this specific question, I recommend definitely adding some specifics such as the events they have that you're interested in, the professors whom you'd like to work with, the traditions emory holds annually. The point of this essay is to see if you really know what Emory is and that you know what to expect out of it. Much of the things you've listed seem somewhat... trite.

I define myself 'curious and open', a boy ready and willing to explore new things and encounter elites from all over the world. When I searched carefully on-line which university fits my future development and ideal, the name 'Emory' immediately drew my attention. Emory University is as academically prestigious as culturally diversified. I am confident that in such a wonderful and challenging atmosphere, I will bring an instrumental contribution to the campus.

That paragraph can be taken out. it sounds good but says nothing that they want to hear.

find Emory University a particular good match for me because of its diversity and its rich resources. Once I utilize them fully and wisely, my future will be a promising one. Emory University has its distinctive small classes for undergraduates which is similar to those provided by liberal arts colleges. Receiving much attention from professors and cooperating with people around is what I long for and desire.

i'd say extend on this. research and look into what Emory is.

best of luck!
pcvrz34g   
Dec 8, 2009
Undergraduate / My first essay! Cornell Art and Science!! [22]

o, good point... i felt that people might misunderstand Mr. Smith's speech AS the actual reason why i'm into econ, which isn't true. his explanation helped me to see what econ really was, and i like econ cuz of my past. am i just over thinking?

yeah, i can see how you were trying to convey that... but honestly, for me, it wasn't easy to catch.. i donno.. ):

i hope that i'm right... i'll check with eng teacher tho

cool beans (:

Also, through the Cornell Economics Society, I will be able to interact with other passionate students and read its publication of "The Visible Hand" journal which blabla

good sentence.

my goal for the last sentence is to show the admin that i know exactly i'm going to do, which balances the research fluff, but if there's something stronger that actually catches attention, then i'll definitely go for it.

hm.. maybe tie it in with you being a cornell student in the area of econ and math.
pcvrz34g   
Dec 7, 2009
Undergraduate / My first essay! Cornell Art and Science!! [22]

posted a *** title for this essay

HAHAH funny funny
wow this

Logical_Fella_C

person stayed loyal to your essay. i usually comment on an essay once and never come return. xDDD i'm proud of you, logical_fella_c!

anways, now on to your essay...

correct me if i'm wrong:

seemed expert in politics

"seemed to be experts" or "seemed experts? i dont know which is correct. maybe both are...

That moment was the beginning of an infatuation.

oh my, when i drew my first supply and demand curve, that moment was the beginning of a hatred. xD i dont like econ... i complete my econ class in 9 days! woohoo! lets celebrate, yang. by the way, i like this sentence a lot!

Actually, Mr. Smith's speech was simply the spark that set the fuse

i dont quite understand why you use the word "actually". weren't you just saying that Mr. Smith's speech was a spark for this infatuation?

Not only a fascinating topic, this intricate course also merges my seemingly conflicting likings and takes full advantage of my understanding of different languages and cultures since macroeconomics deals with foreign affairs.

correct me if i'm wrong but i'm not sure if it is structurally correct to begin a sentence with "not only." i say this because "not only" is always followed by "but also," but you can't use a "but" in this sentence... so... is it correct to begin with "not only"? If you get what i mean..

Also, I really look forward to interacting with other passionate students through the Cornell Economics Society and to read its publication of "The Visible Hand" journal

there's a error somewhere in here. are you saying you also look forward to reading the publication of "the visible hand" journal? if so, you need to write "to reading" and define what "its" is. I'm not sure what the antecedent of "its" is. if not, the second part about the publication is not telling the point.

Finally, with math being one of my favorite subjects and an inherent part of economics, I plan to double major in mathematics.

a bit abrupt ending... D= "start strong, end strong" you started off really well with the "no!" so end it strong!

i liked it! even though i dont like econ! soo... that means it was pretty good! hahahaha
the way you developed the idea of why econ is so perfect for you is really unique.
let me know if you want me to re-read over anything or have any questions. :D
pcvrz34g   
Dec 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / Dead Poets Society movie vs. my classroom [4]

Prompt: Dead Poets Society has many characters who each have very different personalities. After sitting through a year of Mr. Keating's classes, most of the characters grew in some way. Compare a character's development after taking Keating's class to your own development after weeks of (teacher)'s class.

Inspiration fuels the potential of others by inciting a change in attitude to enable self-reflection that, in turn, alters conflicts to opportunities for growth. English Prof. John Keating in Dead Poets Society directed by Peter Weir and AP English Literature and Composition Teacher (teacher) of XXXXXX High School both exemplify inspiration to students by motivating students to seek for knowledge through experience and self-discovery for a greater byproduct of development in maturity, knowledge, and self-appreciation.

The Dead Poets Society begins the movie with Todd Anderson, a new student to Welton Academy. Within ten minutes into the film, the audience soon realizes that Todd is not the main character but rather a foil character. Todd's qualities contrast to that of Neil's, the main character, and successfully highlights the various facets of Neil's personality. While Neil is outgoing and popular, Todd is introverted and timid. While Neil is interested in acting and fine arts, Todd's focus is to fulfill his parent's academic expectations. Todd's transformation throughout the movie is one of the prominences of the movie. Todd initially lacked the confidence to even casually recite a poem to his friends at Dead Poem Society meetings, yet Prof. Keating seems to have an astounding affect on Todd as he improvise a poem of a madman on the wall. On a greater picture, Prof. Keating had reached out to Todd and inspired him by boosting his confidence. In appreciation and respect, at the end of the film, Todd is not afraid to stand up to his belief in that Mr. Keating was an inspirational teacher and demonstrates this by standing on his desk, signifying that he will forever abide Mr. Keating's three principles: (1) to seize the day to make one's life extraordinary, (2) to approach all situations through analysis from different perspectives, and (3) to be free-thinkers through freedom of expression and non-conformity, speaking up for one's belief.

(Teacher)'s teaching method is very similar to that of Prof. Keating. Both value the meaning and appreciation for literature and morals of life over the studying materials. Through my personal experience in (teacher)'s class, I was a Todd Anderson. Although I wasn't completely introverted and overly shy in the beginning of the year, I highly esteemed grades to meet my parent's academic expectations. I rarely completed assignments with a purpose of appreciating the material but rather to maintain my GPA just as Todd was extremely hesitant when Mr. Keating ordered the rip the introduction out of the textbook. I also am usually a foil character of a class, too reserved to play a major role but bold enough to speak out arbitrarily. Throughout Mr. (teacher)'s class, I experienced a transformation from busywork of poems to enjoyment of literary research through strange analytical approach to literature. We constructed a game in which we had to blindly draw a line across the page without colliding with obstacles to stimulate a real life example of Heart of Darkness. The activity portrayed the novel's idea that imperialistic ideas are blind and apathetic to the cultures and traditions of the victimized country, and the obstacles representing emotional contemplations and physical difficulties that drag Marlow behind demonstrates that to attempt to incorporate a new culture or practice is impossible to accomplish without the acknowledge of and the respect for the differences in culture. We also played a game in which each person spoke a sentence at a time, then a word at a time, and then all at the same time. This stimulation exemplified the revolution to being at Billy's state of "unstuck in time" in Slaughterhouse-Five. Activities such as these has made me analyze novels from a different perspective and, in the process, has made learning enjoyable.

Todd and I were both inspired by teachers to appreciate literature and philosophies of life on a greater level. Perhaps, this is true education: to enable diversity, free thinking, and epiphanies filled with "ah-ha!"s.
pcvrz34g   
Nov 29, 2009
Undergraduate / how i see the world: from blond Barbie hair to tamales. (: [3]

Prompt: Describe how your family background has influenced the way you see the world.

My family moved into our first home in America on my birthday; it was a shabby apartment. I remember my parents and my sister singing me the birthday song in an apartment of nothing but a king-size mattress we found at the apartment dumpster earlier that afternoon. "Your birthday present is America," my mom had said as I blew out the seven candles.

From a world of one color to a world of many, I was mesmerized by the Barbie-like blond hair that I had only seen on TV. I felt different, distant, and distinguished in this myriad of different colors. To my surprise, on the first day of school, kids of different hair color, hair texture, and skin color approached me. I befriended a group of African American girls who taught me STEP dance, a traditional dance ritual of African Americans. My best friend was a blond Caucasian who taught me how to tie shoelaces in the traditional American "bunny ear" fashion. My Hispanic classmate introduced me to tamales that I've never seen before.

Of all my birthday presents, my most favorite and most thankful is, by far, my seventh birthday present. Although it wasn't anything tangible, it is one that has been an eye-opening adventure, one that will last a lifetime, and one that has allowed me to appreciate the many cultures and traditions from the blond Barbie hair to the tamales. At the end of the day, we're all the same people under the layers of hair and skin of dead cells: we all tie our shoe laces, we all eat, and we all have hair. We may tie the laces differently, prepare food differently, and groom our hair differently; but isn't this the beauty of life? To know that we have an exceptional natural capability to perform the same task but with a touch of our own unique twist; to know we're special in this world of nothing but similarities; to know that there is spice to life but that we all run on the blood of the color red.
pcvrz34g   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / 'People Who Love Stadiums (PWLS)' - uc prompt - why I want to study economics [3]

I don't know what your prompt is but delve further into how it was academically intriguing to you. other than that, it's pretty good.

btw, im always amazed by economy majors because I really dont like economics T.T all the graphs and business structures. they're confusing.

good luckkkk (:
pcvrz34g   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / community service Atlanta Korean American Youth Center [3]

need to cut down. don't know if i like my conclusion. prompt is "community service. how it benefited others and yourself".

I remember. Remember like it was yesterday. Just two months after my immigration to America, I was enrolled in Ms. Renner's 2nd grade class. They were learning cursive while I was learning how to curl my tongue to pronounce "r". "Go to Ms. Renner and say 'fuck you,'" my class mates insisted. I didn't understand. I raised my hand and proudly asked in front of the class what "fuck" means. I remember. I remember being humiliated and not even knowing it.

In 2006, nearly seven years later, I perfected English, curling my tongue for those r's. I desperately wanted to do something to help immigrant students feel welcome when entering this land of the unknown and to do something to stop my history from repeating to others. I found an organization called Atlanta Korean American Youth Center, a nonprofit organization that serves to help Korean students in all aspects of academics, social life, and athletics. I raised awareness in the difficulty of Korean immigrated students and advocated for a student youth committee in which a Korean student from each school would represent as a leader for all Korean students. By the next winter, the committee was established. Named as the student executive committee secretary, I designed seasonal SAT classes taught my Emory and GeorgiaTech students and even planned social dance parties to promote interaction between Korean students through non-alcoholic parties.

For the four years I've worked at the Youth Center, I have personally seen alcoholic students and drug-addict students become revived by the many programs that the youth center offers. But the person whom I saw the greatest change was me. I realized that there's nothing to life but to help others: to be a shoulder for someone fallen, to be a hand for someone reaching out, to be a friend for someone in need.
pcvrz34g   
Nov 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Impact on your life. Essay 1 and Essay 2 [2]

As per our TOS, essayforum.com/disclaimer-privacy-tos.

Why would you want to delete your essay...? ):
A moderator took time to revise it for you... ):
pcvrz34g   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / I considered Emory University for its academics: Emory essay [3]

My sister was admitted to Emory last year. For this topic, the college is seeing if you really "know" Emory. Research a heck load of things about Emory in the area you're interested in. Don't only focus on departments, professors, etc. that revolve around your major but delve into your hobbies too. If you like singing, maybe you can research something about the music department and how they have chorus workshops open to the public.

You can stick to your essay, but that's what my sister did and she got in. (:
She ended up not going there though... Emory is a great school academically but a bad school socially. No football.. No school spirit... But hey!, Emory is ranked really high. And I love their business building.. (:

If you're interested in their medical program, they have REALLY good opportunities for research/labs.
I'll stop rambling now. Byebye (:

P.S.: I'm glad you wrote about Dooley. Heard Dooley's a HUGE thing there.

Oh, and one important thing: you might want to write your real name to avoid plagiarism.
pcvrz34g   
Nov 25, 2009
Undergraduate / our legal justice system is faulty!! [13]

Prompt: Describe something you are passionate about. Explain how you will incorporate this into the legacy you want to leave.

Do you think the essay works for this prompt?
pcvrz34g   
Nov 25, 2009
Scholarship / Scholarship essay: community service activity Hurricane katrina [2]

Choose the community service activity that is most meaningful to you and describe how you and your community benefited from your involvement. max is 250 words. This is 263. So.. help me cut down on some stuff. Thanks!

People from all walks of life were affected by Hurricane Katrina in 2005. But as it claimed more than 1,800 lives of innocents, America only replied a positive outpouring of aid. This is America.

Nearly four years later, I coincidentally ran into the Habitat for Humanity Activity Coordinator who encouraged me to apply for a Learn and Build Experience program open for high school students. The following summer, I was flying to New Orleans, Louisiana through a Habitat for Humanity scholarship for an all-expense paid trip to help the city revive.

The pictures of New Orleans online and on news channels don't do justice. Even my eyes didn't do justice of what had really happened here in 2005. Houses had holes in their rooftops and numbers on their door - holes that victims had made to escape from the water filling their house more by the minute, numbers that read the number of dead corpses found: 1, 3, 4, 7, and even 15.

My job in New Orleans was to build houses homemade-style from scratch. We designed a floor plan, constructed a truss, put up the foundation for walls, painted the insulation underground, all in hopes for a better future for a victim and his family. Amongst the sweat, the wood dust, and stench of paint, I realized that there's nothing to life but to help others: to be a shoulder for someone fallen, to be a hand for someone reaching out, to be a friend for someone in need. It's true when they say love makes the world go round. This is America.

I'm not sure how I truly feel about this..
pcvrz34g   
Nov 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Essay about my experience - not possible to be specific!? [15]

hope you'll go give some suggestions to other members, and write more than just a single line.

there's nothing free in the world; what goes around, comes around.

if this is a reflective essay, the structure doesn't need to be so 'structured.' this isn't a block-by-block research paper. reflective essays are almost narrative essays, and narrative essays rather go with the flow than a fixed structure. with that said, I think you should rather write a rough-draft of your topic is (that is if you have one), and we'll be more than happy to advise you as to how you should reconstruct your essay. if you don't have a topic yet, then think of a significant moment that you experienced in English class. maybe you had an epiphany? We weren't in your class, so we couldn't know, and most importantly, we're not you!

good luck, Moe! hope to read your essay soon. (:
pcvrz34g   
Nov 21, 2009
Essays / sacrifices to spirits/gods [5]

Hey Dan. Here's some that I could think of. Tribes' lifestyles, culture, and behaviors are usually governed by their religion. In another words, how did their specific religion affect their lifestyle, culture, behavior? How did restrictions of the Gods develop their society? And how were each tribes' different religion shape these tribes differently? How were women portrayed through religion? What concept do the gods/spirits revolve around? Some tribes may have gods related to weather while others are more towards emotions such as god of love, god of hope, etc.

Good luck!
pcvrz34g   
Nov 19, 2009
Poetry / "Harsh Moments" - A Poem For School... [6]

I'm pretty much a fail when it comes to writing poems. heh. I'd love to help you! D=
I'm only good (or better yet, decent) at detecting literary things --'
pcvrz34g   
Nov 19, 2009
Writing Feedback / Forward or first page - A Book I am Writing [18]

it is about blue skies... ha ha, you are consistent.

blue skies... that's so cool. is that your motto?

skydive

OMGGG. i want to skydive soooo muchhh. I will one day. I will.

There is no mark that a skydiver leaves; no vapor trail, no tracks in the snow, no wake in the water.

I agree with kevin in that it isn't grammatically proper to start with "there is," but I feel like it helps with the parallelism with the vapor trail, tracks, and wakes.
pcvrz34g   
Nov 19, 2009
Research Papers / Tragic Hero [Research Paper] [6]

I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU :D
yayy go you, aashish!
no need to thank me; you're the one who wrote it (:
pcvrz34g   
Nov 18, 2009
Poetry / "Harsh Moments" - A Poem For School... [6]

The last stanza kind of bites. >< I was definitely expecting something like "thanks for straightening me up" but I guess not. HAHA.

well i like the twist at the end (although very harsh (although the title does explain that the poem is about harsh moments)). i second pikafu; why is second to last line in italics?

Is it just me? I feel like style changes from first to second stanza. perhaps you did it on purpose. perhaps, I'm just crazy and thinking something out of the blue...

I feel like the first stanza is much more freestyle than your second in terms of scansion, structure, etc.

but i like the poem overall. i can definitely relate to the beatings ):

Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳